Cold Fragile Hearts
by Corinne Tate
Summary: All I wanted was to have him forever.  Now all I have are memories that won't fade, and I can't even cry for him.  Someone please make it stop!
1. Chapter 1 Life After Forever

Cold, Fragile Hearts

Chapter one

Life After Forever

Eternity sucks.

I never thought I'd miss being able to cry, but if a price were named for me to get that back, I'd pay it without hesitation. I never realized how cleansing and healing tears could be, until I needed the kind of healing that vampire venom can't give me-emotional healing.

And while I'm wasting time on useless wishes, I'd wish to sleep again. Maybe if I could escape for a few precious hours into dreams, I wouldn't feel like I was existing in an eternal purgatory.

He's gone.

Perfect memory lets me know all I've lost. Perfect recall lets me replay again and again his final moments. And it never goes away.

It's been two years now, and that's twice as long as humans allow for grief to play itself out. But I'm not there yet. I don't think I'll ever be there, even though I try to remind myself I still have reasons to live.

Nessie and Jacob are expecting their second child. She wants to name him Edward if it's a boy. I envy her that she's able to move on. But then again she still has a husband, as well as their own little girl Sarah Esme.

My granddaughter will never get to meet her grandfather. She'll never see the man who gave her the unruly sun-kissed hair that drives our daughter crazy.

I remember him. Some days it's all I can do to function in the real world, and not just sit and sift through my memories. They're like handfuls of sparkling sand, and each glittering speck is a glimpse of his smile, the touch of his hand, the sound of his music, the smoldering gleam in his eyes, his sweet smell, his fierce protection, and his all-encompassing love. I feel like I'm a walking, talking, tribute to his memory.

The days here are cold and bleak. Denali has so much natural beauty, as well as an abundance of the animals we hunt. But all I can remember is how he died here. I can still see the red-stained snow, even though it's been washed away by two years of summertime thaws. I can still smell the burning...

It all went so horribly wrong.

I'd read history books and I'd learned of wars. But what I'd learned was for my human life. Humans make war on a marathon scale, and it can last for years-decades even. There are battles, skirmishes, advances and retreats, and rarely does one battle show the winner.

But it's nothing like vampire war. I never knew how fast things could change. I never understood the scope of the devastation of war, until it was too late. Now I will never forget it.

I didn't know it then, but the first shots of the war were fired with Irina's death. Her cold, brutal execution set something in motion that none of us really saw coming. We celebrated our victory over the Volturi that day, but the Denali clan had lost one of their own. Even the addition of Garrett wasn't enough for them to consider it a win. When it was all over, they went home to lick their wounds, and plot their revenge.

They took their time.

On the other side of an ocean, the Volturi plotted their own revenge for their humiliation that day. It was silent, and equally slow.

Ten years passed, and I was so blissfully happy with Edward. I didn't pay much attention to vampire politics-they didn't even enter my world. We raised our daughter, and kept to ourselves, living near Forks. The rest of the family moved on to New York as they'd planned, and we stayed behind so my dad could spend time with me and his granddaughter. And of course Jacob was tied to the reservation.

When they got married eight years later, I felt like a chapter of my life had come to a close. I missed having her around all the time, but in a way I was satisfied with how our lives had turned out. I was looking forward to spending time with Edward alone.

We took a year just to travel and see the world. On this side of the vampire/human divide, I find that I can learn languages with ease. It made visiting different countries and cultures an amazing experience. I can actually speak several dialects of Chinese with native fluency-and I'd struggled so hard with high school French.

Languages aside, it was Edward who made it all worthwhile. Being with him alone was like being on a continuous honeymoon. My husband was all I ever wanted, and I savored each day as a tiny taste of forever. It never got old. I mean you would think that we would tire of each other, or get used to being together, but we didn't. I still hung on every word he said, even though I knew him well enough to finish his sentences. I delighted in his insight and the different ways he looked at everything around him.

We climbed Mt. Everest together, we walked the Great Wall, we explored the pyramids, and hiked the Grand Canyon. We explored Europe like hyperactive tourists, and came up with our own excursions. We took to sneaking into the cathedrals, castles, and museums to have our own look around at night, without the crowds. Only in Vatican City did we actually manage to trip an alarm, and we took great delight in haunting the guards who came to investigate. Those days are precious memories now.

Explorations and tours at night, would leave us lounging in bed throughout the sunny part of the day, making love. Edward apologized repeatedly for not changing me sooner, once we discovered how much we enjoyed the physical side of our marriage. We just couldn't get enough of each other. And vampires don't wear out or get tired, so sometimes it was sensory overload that went on for hours.

After traveling, Edward pushed me into going to college. He'd done it himself, and he thought I should experience it at least once. I packed two years into one, and aced my classes. Vampire memory is almost like cheating. In fact I had to intentionally make mistakes so I didn't wind up on some Deans List and get my name recorded somewhere.

If the classes were too easy, the library was a joy. I learned like never before, and each book I read stayed with me. It helped that Edward and I were together, and we made the library our home away from home. We were there so often, the librarians started asking _us _where to find things. We were there so often, we'd even hidden among the stacks and made love there a few times. The things we could get away with as vampires would fill a book, and I know exactly where it would be shelved.

I'd finished my sophomore year when we got the news that Nessie was pregnant. Knowing how difficult a time I'd had when she was born, I rushed back home to be with her. I needn't have worried. It seemed she was close enough to vampire, and tough enough, she didn't have any of the problems I'd suffered through. But it didn't go as quickly either. Carlisle monitored her progress and set a due date roughly five months from her conception. It seemed in that at least we were alike – she knew exactly when she'd conceived.

I was about to be an eighteen year-old grandmother, and the only thing funnier, was that Edward was going to be a seventeen year-old grandpa. My daughter trumped us when she reminded us that she was only ten herself. Still she was going to be a mommy, and we were all thrilled.

She was only halfway through her pregnancy when we got the news about the approaching war. The Denali coven was calling on every friend, and calling in every favor. The Volturi were coming for them. After losing Irina, their loyalty to the Volturi disintegrated. Adding to the problem, was Garrett's open criticism of the ancient Italian vampires, as well as his campaign to gather a force that could oppose them. He'd brought to light that the Volturi had been systematically eliminating everyone who'd stood against them during our conflict. Many nomads were simply gone-either in hiding or executed. One of Carlisle's oldest friends, Alistair, was presumed dead.

The Denali wanted those of us who were still alive, to assemble and organize to fight the Volturi once and for all. Of course we answered the call. Alice and Jasper left us as they had before our own encounter with the Volturi. But instead of trying to find another hybrid, they went to find all the nomads and alert them to the coming war. The Volturi may have been powerful, but they were slow, and we needed all the time we could get. Edward and I renewed the contacts we'd made during our trip around the world, and we called all those who'd come to witness for us.

When they began to arrive, we were impressed with the numbers. When the Volturi had come before, we were doing well to have about thirty witnesses. But the Volturi had burned a lot of bridges, and everyone left alive was suspicious and afraid. They came together, knowing that they only had one chance to make a stand, or forever live in terror of the Volturi coven. Somehow we'd gathered fifty old friends to join with us.

Still we noticed gaps in our numbers. Of the Amazon vampires, only Kachiri remained alive to tell of how the Volturi had picked off Zafrina and Senna. The Irish coven didn't come at all, and we weren't able to reach them. Of the Egyptians, only Benjamin and Tia came, and also with tales of surprise attacks. The accounts of the viciousness of the Volturi made us a troubled and melancholy group. But it also galvanized us in knowing we had no choice but to fight. There would be no talking our way out of this one.

As the days passed our group solidified, and we had another dozen come in. The Romanians came, and we insisted they would fight or they would leave. This wasn't a spectator event, it was a showdown, and it would be to the death. They were eager to take on their old enemies.

When Alice and Jasper returned, they brought the Southern vampires with them. Forcing them to put aside their turf wars and hatreds became a full time job for Jasper, even though they'd agreed to stand together. When Peter arrived, it was without his mate Charlotte, and also without his right arm. They'd fought bravely, and it was only the threat to his own life that forced him to leave Charlotte to the flames.

"I tried to save her... I fought them so hard... even when they took my arm... even when they broke my bones. All I had to do was keep them from burning her body. Dear god the flames were so hot, and I would have gone into the fire for her. But I couldn't reach her through the flames-they were so fierce! We were outnumbered, and it was ten of them against the two of us."

What he reported was repeated among those who'd already encountered the Volturi. They'd attacked with greater numbers and with greater strength than the typical strikes the Guard were known for. They didn't come to recruit, punish, cover-up, or negotiate; they came to kill. We were assembled after Jasper and Alice had returned, and Jasper spoke up. We had all suspected it, but his words put aside all our doubts.

"The Volturi are using newborns."

It was hard to believe they would break their own laws so blatantly. But it was the information the older vampires needed, to know they had to fight. The Volturi were no longer the law among us. They were going for power, and control, and they were eliminating any who would stand against them.

Delphine, an olive-skinned Creole woman, with cascading waves of dark brown hair, was one of the Southern leaders up from Louisiana. When she spoke up, all eyes turned to her.

"I don't know why this comes as a shock to you. _We've _known for decades this would happen. The only reason to have a strong and powerful coven, is to take over those who are weaker. We've always found it funny that they managed to convince you that their laws were to benefit all of us. 'No newborn army's, keep the secret, no public displays, don't draw attention...' " She sneered. "They've made you weak! They've kept you afraid. And they made you mistrustful of one another. Ten years ago you had the chance to wipe them out, and you stood by and let them walk away. And now they've pecked away at your numbers. Now they know all your weaknesses, and I guarantee they will know how to counter your strengths."

Her words were chilling. Her casual disdain for us was irritating. But she came with fifteen fighters, even though some were clearly newborn, and most had no special abilities. Along with Delphine, there was also Maxim and his coven of twelve from Mississippi, and two more large covens from Texas. There were two large covens in Mexico who refused to fight with us. They were enemies, and they wouldn't cooperate, no matter what was at stake. Jasper suspected that they might motivate to fight the Italians after their numbers were reduced by the upcoming battle.

All in all we had a fighting force of almost a hundred and fifty vampires. We knew from Alice we'd have ten days before the attack, and we left the minimal civilization of the Denali compound and headed off into the uninhabited wilderness to train. Carlisle had used his title and money to obtain enough donated blood to keep the edge off of their hunger. But none were enthused about what they considered a stale alternative.

Alice for once wasn't able to see any clear future, and what she saw had stolen her bubbly nature. She looked harrowed and withdrawn, and she wouldn't tell anyone what visions haunted her. She clung to Jasper like he was her only lifeline, and she kept away from Edward to keep him from seeing into her mind.

"Tell me it's going to be okay, Alice." I couldn't stand to see my friend so obviously in pain. "We can leave now... we can find someplace where they won't hunt for us-maybe join the Mexican covens..."

"No! We have to stay, or they will all die!" She looked tortured at my suggestion. "We're going to win this Bella. But only if we all stay. We need to stay strong, or we all perish. If the Volturi win, not only will they hunt down and kill every vampire, it will be open season on humanity as well. Something has changed, and I can't see what it is. They've got a new purpose, and all I know is that Aro is no longer in charge."

"What?" I couldn't believe what she was saying. "Who... I mean what happened?"

"Keep it down Bella. We don't want to spread this news, we'll lose some of them if they find out. The Volturi is under new leadership, but the old ones are still with them. I don't understand what's going on, but I know we can't talk our way out, and I know we all have to stick together. Just... don't say anything. Please."

I hugged her, and kept quiet.

Five days later I wanted to trap her and force her to tell me what she knew. The Quileute pack arrived, and Renesmee came with them.

Edward and I fought and begged, but she was resolute. Jacob needed to be there with his pack, and she needed to be with her husband. Even Jacob was on our side, but Ness wouldn't listen to any of us.

"Not only do I need to be with my family, you need me as well. I can help-you know I can."

"You're pregnant, Ness!" She'd rarely heard me yell. "You can't be in the middle of this."

"I'm already in the middle of it! Everyone I love is here, and I'm one of you! Maybe you can forget that I'm not human, but I know the Volturi won't forget it. Even if I stayed away, they would come for me... " She rubbed her small, rounded tummy. "...they would come for _us._" I hated that she was right. "Besides, every member of the pack is_ here._ Back home there's no one to look out for me, and if I have problems with the baby, my doctor is here too." She smiled as she finished her winning argument.

I hugged her tight, and whispered into her ear. "Just stay out of the way. I don't want you in this fight, baby. They won't think twice about killing you, and I know they can feed on you too. And that goes for our allies as well."

"I want to help." Her declaration made me sorry for all the times I'd put myself at risk, and how I'd tortured Edward with those decisions. She may not have been as fragile, but she was just like me-unconcerned about her own safety.

"No! There's no need for your gift in the middle of a war." She couldn't possibly think that projecting her visions into someone's head by touching them would be of value.

"I've gotten better. I _can _help!" She stalked away from me then. She went inside the aluminum structure we we were using to store supplies. "Can you hear me _now_?" Her mimicking of the old cell phone commercial shocked me. Not because of the sarcastic tone of her words, but because she was speaking _inside my head_!

She came back out, looking proud of her demonstration. "I started working on it before I got married. At first I was just able to communicate with Jacob. He's receptive to telepathy because of his pack. But one day I needed to get a message to Grandpa when he was out fishing, and it worked on him too. I've been practicing for two years, and I can project up to five miles if I know the person. It doesn't go nearly as far if I'm not familiar with them, but I can at least get beyond hearing distance. I can also communicate with up to six people at once. It works on the pack as well. Like it or not Mom, I can help."

I wanted to tell her no. I wanted to send her back home where she would be safer. But she was right. She had a powerful ability, and we needed every one we could get. Even pregnant she joined in the training. Jasper quickly learned to rely on her to send messages to the different units he'd organized. Each group of twenty-five was under the strongest or wisest member, and he used Nessie to direct them in maneuvers and formations. Still I would have given anything for cell phone towers and electronics rather than my daughter being used for communication.

Delphine was Jasper's second in command since she was used to fighting other vampire armies. I'd thought Jasper was the strongest military leader. But she matched him, and the way she thought was much more calculating than Jasper's genteel style. For training they simulated a battle, each choosing half our forces. While Jasper used military tactics with Renesmee as his communications liaison, Delphine chose a guerrilla style, with strong leaders and fast unpredictable moves.

Each of us carried a flag inside a pocket, and to lose your flag meant you were incapacitated. If your incapacitated body could be dragged or carried back to the other side, then you were considered destroyed. It was a good demonstration of how we would be fighting in brutal close combat. I wound up on Delphine's side, working against Edward and Nessie. For training we had to go all out, and she insisted that I move with her army, rather than stay behind to provide the shield for them.

By the end of the skirmish, both sides had lost over half their numbers. It was a wake-up call that we would likely suffer serious losses when the actual battle was joined. Of my family, Nessie was "killed" in the action. The mock battle let us know where our weaknesses were, and it gave us more incentive to train.

Of course many thought we should create newborns of our own to fight alongside us. It was Carlisle who put up the biggest roadblock. If they wanted to fight that way, they could fight without the Cullen's. "I'll not create murderers just to save ourselves. Nor will I have an army that we'll kill after they've served their purpose. If we can't do it on our own, then maybe we deserve to die."

Surprisingly, it was Alice who argued strongest for the newborns. "If we lose this war, humanity will pay the price, and it will be a lot higher than whoever the newborns would feed on. We could choose those who have noting to lose... I'm sure we could find some terminal patients, maybe people in vegetative states, or mental patients."

"Did you even hear what you said?" He demanded. "You're talking about someone just like _you!_ How many of these damaged individuals should we recruit? Ten? Twenty? How about fifty? Even if we could get fifty ideal candidates, what do we do with them? Kidnap them, hide them, and change them? Add in a couple days for the change, and you've got fifty screaming people to hide and watch over., and whoever is watching over them has to forgo their own training. Then when they come around, we've got fifty confused, displaced, hungry, newborn vampires who are strong enough to tear you to pieces. Would you like to be in charge of them, Alice?"

"Alright, I get it. You don't have to be so mean." She really did look sorry.

"Yes I do. There are reasons we don't play God like that. I would think you'd understand that better than most after being with Jasper for so long."

"The only thing I really understand right now is that we're going to be under attack in a few days, and I don't want to lose anyone I love. If we had more time to train them, I'd create the newborns myself!" She'd stormed off, leaving us all to wonder what we had coming our way for Alice to compromise her values like that.

The decision was made not to bring in unpredictable newborns. We also decided that we would start the battle using Jasper's organized units. But then we would use Delphine's effective blitz moves. Most terrifying to me was that they both believed Nessie was too valuable to stay safely out of the fight. I could shield her, but only from mental attacks, and she was still vulnerable to the deadly physical attacks. She would also be one of the few with a heartbeat in the presence of newborn vampires.

"We could use that in our favor." Delphine wore a calculating look when I brought up how vulnerable Nessie would be. I wanted to slap the look off of her face, but she went on. "She's going to be a lure no matter what we do, so we may as well use it for our benefit." She went on to outline a plan where my daughter would appear to be minimally defended, but she would actually be the bait in a trap. I didn't like it one bit. Edward was even more upset about the plan than I was, and I thought Jacob was going to tear someone apart when he heard it.

It really didn't matter. None of it mattered. We were plotting, planning and training as if we would be fighting a normal battle. We didn't realize their plan until it was all over. We knew they were coming to kill and to wipe us out. But they had a more sinister plan beneath the obvious one.

They weren't just planning to kill indiscriminately, they wanted to break up mated pairs. Specifically, they planned to eliminate the women and leave the men if possible. Their only miscalculation was that they didn't realize how hard the men would fight for their mates.

**A/N: If you're reading this to feel good, be warned. There is a lot of angst in these early chapters, and it's not pleasant to watch. It will eventually dig it's way out of the pits, but I don't want to give too much away yet. Let me know what you think. I promised myself I wouldn't write another one in present tense, but I also said I was going to leave fan fiction after I finish May December Divide. I gotta quit lying to myself.**


	2. Chapter 2 Bitter Memories

Chapter 2

Bitter Memories

"Bella, come on love, it's time to hunt." His hand on my cheek startles me. I turn my eyes up to his, and they mirror my sadness. Eleazar was once a handsome man by any standards, but now he's a shadow of himself. It's not in his outward appearance, it's more like the spark has gone out of him. It's in the way he moves, as if he's walking through a river that threatens to wash him away. I know I have the same look. "We have to go now, it's almost time for the bears to enter hibernation."

"That sounds like a good idea. Maybe I should just find a way to hibernate." I try to smile, but I've forgotten how.

"Come on querida, we have to hunt for the safety of the people who live near us."

"I know." I tear my eyes away from the spot outside. It's far enough in the distance, my human eyes wouldn't have been able to see it. It's where I lost everything. It's where he died.

Eleazar takes my hand to pull me away from my window perch. He doesn't let go as we walk down the wooden steps of the modern log cabin. At the bottom they wait for us. Rosalie and Garrett, each standing as still as statuary. She doesn't meet my eyes, but Garrett smiles. She's afraid I'll see what's happening between them, and he doesn't care.

Emmett died the same day as my Edward, as did Garrett's mate Kate. Rosalie still bears the scars of her attempt to save Emmett from the flames. Half her beautiful face is withered and angry red, even two years afterward. She is healing, but it's a very slow process. She now parts her hair to one side, so it covers her face like a curtain.

I meet her eye, and the corners of my mouth pull up. It's as close to a smile as I can manage, but I don't want her to think I hold it against her. I know she loves Emmett, and I know she grieves for him as well. But Garrett the patriot has set his sights on Rose, and I know they spend time together. He'll be good for her, and I want to be happy for them. We've all lost so much, I couldn't possibly hold it against them if they're able to move forward.

As we turn to leave, Garrett's hand lightly rests on the small of her back. It reminds me painfully of how Edward would touch me. Again I wish I had tears – I miss him so much.

The air is crisp and cold as I pull it into my frozen lungs. We run. What would take humans days takes us only hours, and we near Canada without even noticing. We hunt in a pattern, allowing for populated areas as well as topography. We're conscientious not to over hunt an area. We're careful not to leave any trace that we've been there. Garrett takes down a large bear, and later Rosalie feeds on Moose. Eleazar follows the scent of a mountain lion, and I can't even help him trap the animal, as I'm overwhelmed with memories of Edward.

In the absence of tears, I scream. I remember the way he looked when he first told me his favorite meal was mountain lion – and Emmett liked bear. I shriek at the horror and unfairness. I wail at the overwhelming loss. How can I continue to exist like this when he's taken so much of me with him?

Her arm around my shoulders startles me to silence, and my voice echoes off the rocks and trees. Rosalie pulls me close and I clutch at her thin frame

"He's gone! I miss him so _much. _ I love him, and everything reminds me of him. I don't know how to face forever without him, Rose. " It's not the first time she's had to comfort me. It's not even the twentieth. In fact, after the dust had settled over the war zone, we'd spent weeks just holding one another. We'd nestled together like two orphan kittens, each of us too grief stricken to even speak. And when we were finally able, we had no coherent thoughts or words, just floods of memories, pain, and loss.

Everyone left alive had to find a new reason to go on. The Volturi had brought with them the perfect means of vampire execution, and one of the nomads who'd lost his mate, ended his own life, rather than face his existence alone. For the first time ever, I'd felt I understood Victoria.

In fact Rosalie had chosen a purpose similar to Victoria's at first. She knew who had killed Emmett, and she planned to hunt her to the ends of the earth and make her suffer for it. Eleazar pointed out that I needed her, and so she'd put her mission of vengeance on hold. And even now I envy her, that she is starting to see life beyond her loss.

I pull away from her arms as I think of our daughter. She's the only reason I still exist. I miss her terribly, especially now that I've got a granddaughter and another grandchild on the way. I went home for the birth, and they'd named the baby Sarah Esme, for Jacob's mother and for the woman who'd died to protect her.

I wish I could stay in Forks, but it's too painful. Everywhere I go there are memories of him. He haunts Forks to the point I can't even function there. I went home for Nessie, and stayed in my old room at Charlie's house, unable to face the Cullen house and especially our cabin. Even my room was crowded with memories of him, but they were at least dim human recollections.

What makes me stay away from my family, even more than his memory, is their life. Renesmee and Jacob are young and strong, and they've begun their own family. My sadness doesn't fit into their world. If that wasn't enough, she looks enough like him, it sometimes hurts just to look at her. It's in the way she combs her hand through her hair, or that crooked smile she gives me. It's in her steady regard, and the shape of her mouth. He lives in her, but I can't have him back.

I stayed for two weeks, fighting my grief for the sake of my daughter and granddaughter. But after the baby was given a clean bill of health, and she was shown to be growing almost as a normal human baby, I left.

Of the Denali coven, there is only Eleazar and Garrett. It's clear the two men haven't really bonded, and they're like two marbles rattling around in the big glass backed log structure. Rosalie had gone with me to see Nessie's baby, but she left even before I did. It's strange how the Denali homestead has become a refuge to us, even though it's where all our dreams ended. It's like sadness and pain live there, and we fit right in.

Garrett is a survivor, and after his initial grief over losing Kate, he began putting himself back together with the force of his own will. I like him, and I admire his strength and determination. It's only been in the last few weeks that he's started subtly courting Rosalie. I hear them talking nightly, as they sit outside on the deck and look at the starry sky. I see the way he watches her when she walks into a room. And I've seen him hold her ruined face reverently in the palm of his hand as they shared a meaningful look.

I'm not sure if I'll be able to stay when they become a couple. I know it will happen, but I just don't know how to be in the presence of happiness anymore. Every smile, every laugh, every shared moment reminds me I'll never have that in my life again.

If Garrett is a survivor, Eleazar is not. Maybe he was once, but he's lost so much over the years, it's as if the foundation of his soul has been compromised. He's such a sweet and kind man, I really wish I had it in me to make a connection with him. But he's much older than I am, both as a vampire and as a human man. And I know he misses his wife Carmen as much as I miss Edward. We understand each other.

There was a moment a few weeks back, when we'd found ourselves in each others arms. I think we were bot desperate to try to somehow break out of the cycle of pain and suffering that held us. But as I held him, and felt his body pressed against mine, all I could think about was how he wasn't Edward. We'd pulled back and looked into each others eyes, and I knew he was thinking of Carmen, and how I wasn't her. I'd kissed his cheek, and he'd touched my face, light as a butterfly. There would never be anything between us but an understanding of sorrow.

He finishes his kill, and feeds. I'm last to hunt, and I think again about just letting myself waste away. They've had to remind me in the past that I'll lose control if I allow myself to get too hungry. I know they're right, but it just seems wrong to take the life of living things when I'm not living myself. We begin the trip back to Denali, and I hunt from a herd of caribou. There's no joy in it without him. In fact the remorse I feel over the death of the animal makes me wish I could actually become a vegetarian in truth and not just name.

Still it sustains me, and I feel stronger as I follow them at a run back to the house. As always, I run past the spot where it happened. It's like a sick compulsion for me to walk over the place where he was murdered. I'll never forget. I wish there was some way to obliterate vampire memory, but there isn't. I can still see his face, just before Marcus and Caius tore into him with teeth and claw-like fingers, giving him what he'd asked for eleven years earlier. I can still feel the way my own heart burned; as if they'd thrown it into the fire with his body. It was far worse than the burning of my conversion.

"Bella, please don't do this." It's Rosalie, and her concern tells me she's begun putting the past behind her. I just don't know how. I look at her golden eyes and let her lead me away from his macabre memorial. There wasn't even enough of him left to bury. If I hadn't seen him die with my own eyes I could convince myself that he'd disappeared. As if somehow he'd ascended to heaven like the angel I'd always known him to be.

She leads me back to the house where there's some old movie playing on the big TV. Garrett is a typical man, and he likes the action and adventure types of movies. It's hard to believe he's almost two hundred and fifty years old. With his hair loose, he looks like a rock star from twenty years back.

"I've had enough of these old movies! I think I've seen Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid at least a hundred times." Rosalie complains as she swipes the remote, and that fast the screen goes blue and music pours from the speakers. Garrett moves fast, uncurling from the couch with catlike reflexes to wrestle her for the remote. I hear her first laugh in two years as she plays keep-away with the device. I hurry up to my room. It's started, and it won't be long now. I hear the music continue to play, as I turn on the computer. It's not enough to drown out their laughter.

I send an email to Carlisle. My request is simple, but the letter is hard to write. He's still in Italy, and I remember how Edward and I took in all the typical tourist attractions from dusk to dawn. I don't worry about the pleasantries, since he knows very well the reason behind my request.

He surprises me with an answer even before I close down my email. Yes, he would arrange for me to visit Esme Island. I stare at her name in the message before me. I wonder if I'll ever get past the pain and guilt I feel at her loss. She may have wanted to be seen as a mother, but she'd been more of a friend to me than a parent. I hear a laugh from below, and I draw my knees up and hug them where I sit. I miss her. Worse, I still feel guilt that she died protecting my daughter when I wasn't able.

I wonder why he doesn't blame me. Carlisle has never said one word about what happened. He functions much better than I do. But Rosalie pointed out, he's _only _functioning. It's like he's on autopilot, and he continually stays busy.

I miss my friend Alice, though I doubt things will ever be the same between us. She may have survived, but I have only seen her once in two years, and even then she was distant. She's really not the same, even though she and Jasper both made it through the battle. I shake my head. It's as if everything in my life comes down to that one night and the aftermath. Everything I know can be neatly separated between my life before the war, and my existence after the war.

It takes a week for me to make my plans. It's a week I spend holed up in my room, listening to the blossoming romance between Rosalie and Garrett. When I stand in the foyer of the Denali home, I have one bag to take with me. I've packed light, and what I have are mostly books. I say my goodbyes, and note the way Rosalie and Garrett hold hands for a second, before she lets go self-consciously. Eleazar hugs me tight, and I wonder if I'll see him again.

I drive myself the miles to civilization and the airport. It takes a few stopovers to make it to the private plane waiting to take me to a lost and lonely paradise. I have to remind myself to move and act like a real person when I'm around humanity. I don't talk to anyone on the flights or on the ground, but some still try to engage me. After all my human years of feeling like I was plain and didn't fit in, I've got supernatural beauty. How ironic that I now realize how little it matters. It shocks me that men approach me, and on one flight a man sitting beside me comments on my lovely perfume. I stare blankly through him, and he gets the message.

The float plane arrives in the late afternoon, and I'm dressed appropriately to cover all my skin. From beneath my wide hat, I tell the pilot I've got a skin condition and can't be exposed to direct sunlight. He he makes a noise a human wouldn't hear, and rolls his eyes. I almost smile.

We touch down in the water, and coast to the end of the dock where I can get out. I know the caretakers will have cleaned the house, and turned on the power. There's no real need to stock it with groceries, but I know it will be stocked anyway. As the pilot gets out to help me, I hop out and take my one bag. I tip him with gloved hands, and thank him. I think he might want to carry my bag to the house, but I don't want the attention.

I watch as he heads the plane to calmer waters, then I watch him take off. I kick off my shoes, and take off the hat and extra clothes on the way, leaving a trail to the bungalow. I pause at the door to the house, and remember Edward carrying me across the threshold twelve years before. I unlock the door and step into my honeymoon hideaway. The grief crouches in waiting just beyond the door. It pounces and tears into me as I remember how my marriage began here. Our daughter was conceived here. And now, more than anything, it reminds me that my life is empty.

I drop everything in the doorway and run. I circle the island at a sprint, and even at that speed I can't outrun the memories. The floodgates are open, and I'm drowning in thoughts of him. Back at the house again, I enter and close the door. The bed isn't the same, and that's a blessing. I lie here and stare at the unpainted wood ceiling. Along with Edward, I can see Esme here as well. She chose the palm fan circling overhead. She draped the canopy bed in sheer romantic white fabric. She painted the painting on the wall of two hands clasped before a sunset. And she chose the colorful throw rugs scattered over the dark hardwood floors.

I can't stay here, and it will be three days before the new caretakers come to check on me. The only way back to the mainland now, is to swim. As soon as I remove all evidence I was even here, I lock the door and return the key to its hiding place. On the other side of the island there's a rise that looks out over the water. Twelve years before, Edward and I sat there and watched a school of dolphins swim by one evening. I go there and sit alone. I watch the sun make its way across the sky, and when it's dark, I feel the wind coming off the ocean.

In the morning I watch the sun lighten the sky in shades of lavender and pink. I can smell the flowers blooming somewhere toward the center of the island. I feel a little stiff, so I stand and stretch, then sit back down and watch the day pass.


	3. Chapter 3 War Torn

Chapter 3

War Torn

Even in the warm, fragrant breezes of the island, I can't escape the knowledge of Denali. I can still hear the shouts and screams. I can still see the blinding brightness of the fires, and I can smell the burning of the flesh. I sit in the tropical sun and feel frozen

When the Volturi came, it was like before. They came in robes, in perfect formation, each of them even on the same foot. Like a ghastly parade they came across the snowfield where we'd set up to meet them. Even before they arrived, I had our people shielded. I'd become good at it, and I could guard our whole side, no matter where they were stationed. It was Delphine's idea that I stay back out of the fighting if possible. She knew I was a target, even more than Ness. I was an enemy they already knew.

They numbered over a hundred, and they were terrifying. The knot of leaders in the center of their formation was dressed in blood red as before, but there were four in red, not just three. Jasper had his units arrayed in the most advantageous spots, and he was waiting to give the signal.

The signal almost came too late. The Volturi army was ringed by newborns. There were at least a hundred of them as well, and we didn't even see them until they broke formation to attack. They'd been somehow hidden from our eyes. Edward and Jasper would have felt their minds, but they were away from the front lines. The Volturi drew first blood that day, even before Jasper gave the signal to attack.

With military precision our side retaliated. Like a giant pincher with the force from Volterra caught between. It was brutal, but the first tide of the battle went our way as our trained forces massacred newborns indiscriminately. When the Volturi tried to withdraw to regroup, the wolves attacked from their rear. At first it looked as if we would easily win the day.

Then they changed tactics on us. The newborns were disciplined and organized, and they assembled into small units, and those units each had individual targets. The first major casualty of the war was Delphine, since she commanded from the front. She was surrounded before we understood what was happening. She fought madly, and over half those attacking fell to her, but I felt her when she died in my shield.

It was then we also discovered one of their most terrifying tools of war. As soon as Delphine was killed, a pillar of fire went up, and she was quickly incinerated in the fierce and deadly thermite flames. As brightly as it blazed, the column burned itself out quickly, and she was just gone, as if she never existed. It was a demoralizing blow.

Nessie was following Jasper's orders, and trying to get our forces back under his control. We rallied into a strong defensive formation, but the newborns struck again, and again. We lost Kate, and Benjamin's mate Tia in those attacks. The message came through loud and clear through Nessie, that the Volturi weren't using their mind based attacks. We'd come prepared to battle those like Alec and Jane, and instead we were falling to newborn strength and viciousness.

Jasper got our forces reorganized, and we went after the newborns with a vengeance. I had to forget that each one was once a human being, and fight the life or death battles that came my way. Still, it became clear to me that they weren't fighting the way Victoria's forces had fought. They weren't disorganized, and they weren't as easy to kill. They challenged our forces over and over again, and even with Jaspers military expertise, they took many of us down with them when they died. Worse, the Volturi formation still had most of their numbers unscathed.

When most of the newborn pawns were obliterated, the Volturi recombined into a giant wedge of vampiric death. Anyone who attacked the force, was met with a strong, swift, organized counter attack. In that way they tore through many of the Southern forces. Jasper observed from a perch in a tall pine, then he dropped down to send a message through Nessie.

"They're fighting as if with one mind! This is a hive mentality, it's like we're trying to kill a swarm of angry bees. We need to know who's controlling them."

Edward began to organize a force that would be able to penetrate the "swarm." With his gift, he'd be able to know who was leading, if he could get close enough.

If I could live that day over, I never would have let them go. I would have begged him to stay behind with me. I didn't know. I thought the universe couldn't possibly let him die.

Edward came to me, for just a moment before he would lead the attack. He held me and kissed me as if it would be our last. He reminded me of a soldier being deployed. "Watch over our girl. I love you Bella, I always have and I always will." I wonder if he knew what was coming.

I could protect their minds from attack, but their bodies were vulnerable to the horrors of the day. Emmett, Carlisle, Garrett, Eleazar, the two Romanians, Vladmir and Stefan, Benjamin, Maxim of Mississippi, and four others, joined with Edward to penetrate the Volturi hive. To make sure they wouldn't be swarmed over, Jacob and his pack would attack from the other side and draw their focus. It was a daring plan, but with so many of us falling to their deadly strikes we needed to take out their leaders.

Jasper, Nessie, and I were joined by Alice, Tanya, and Esme. We were far enough away from the fight, we thought we would be able to see any incoming attack.

Alice held my hand. "Keep the shield up. Whoever is making them fight like that is using a mental attack. They're just using it on their own people." I hated my vampire eyesight, as I was able to see how small our force looked next to theirs. When the wolves attacked, I saw the fear on Nessie's face, as she worried about Jacob. As we expected, they turned as a whole to face the attack, and Edward's tiny group rushed in from the other side. It was roughly a dozen against a hundred.

"Bella, extend your shield around Aro." Jasper's voice was authoritative, but his command confused me. "Just do it, Aro would never give up power and control voluntarily." As our group moved in swift and powerful, I stretched the shield before them, and pulled Aro into it.

"Aro's leaving their formation!" I gasped. "My god, he wants out!"

"Look, that's Edward's signal. It's Caius in control!" Jasper sounded as shocked as I felt. "He's not supposed to have a power – what the hell? Ness, let everyone know our target is Caius! I should have known, Look at the way they're fighting the wolves. Caius is terrified of the werewolves. He's let his guard down on our side. They've gotten in so close..."

"NO!" I screamed as the whole Volturi hive collapsed in on our group. Aro left, and Caius turned his attention toward our forces. I took two steps to run to them, but Alice held me back.

"Hold that shield, Bella! Damn it, if you drop it now, we're all dead."

"I can't stay here – he needs me!" I only made it about a hundred yards, since she was holding me back. I still kept the shield in place.

"Bella, please..." Alice had my arm, trying to pull me back to our command group.

I heard her scream, both in my head and in my ears. I froze and turned toward my daughter. Our command group was under attack. Whoever shielded the newborns earlier, had shielded the attackers, and they were all fighting for their lives.

"Shield, Bella!" Alice commanded. I turned my attention back to the main battle. "Don't let them distract you. Jasper will protect her." I was torn between being with my daughter and going to my husband. Then I saw the tide turn for the worse. Emmett was trying to protect his family when he fell. Benjamin created a minor earthquake that pushed back part of the swarm. Carlisle fought to get to Emmett, but he was held back by the sheer numbers against them.

The Romanians broke ranks, and charged to the center of the swarm. I saw them pull down one of the red-robed leaders, then they all disappeared into the churning mass. Thanks to Benjamin, a small cyclone erupted, and pushed back the enemy. It gave our force a bit of room, to regroup.

I held the shield for them, but our strike force fell apart in the face of overwhelming odds. Carlisle pulled Emmett from the fight, then charged back in to support Edward. When the wolves on the other side gave way, the whole Volturi army focused on Edward's small force. Our side rallied to help them, but it was too late. They were surrounded, and only Edward, Carlisle, Benjamin, Eleazar,, and Garrett survived. They charged at Caius.

Benjamin went down to Jane and Alec, who weren't using their powers, but still fought like a trained team. Carlisle went for Caius. I saw Marcus and Caius join together to crush Carlisle.

"Hold the shield, Bella!" Alice was beside me, and I saw her face reflect the horror we were both witnessing. When Edward took his place to attack Caius, I watched in horror as they again teamed up against him. Marcus was blocking Caius and Edward managed to put an end to him, but then Caius attacked. My beautiful, kind, loving, faithful, husband was broken and torn right before my eyes. I saw him ripped apart like a child's rag doll.

Just a few seconds too late, Jacob bounded into the center of the throng and tore into Caius. I watched the russet wolf and Sam's solid black wolf, rip into the ancient monster with a deadly ferocity that ended his existence. His death quickly turned the tide in our favor as the control holding them together disintegrated.

All I had to do was get to Edward and pull him out of the battle. I don't know who did it, but one by one, three thermite fires flared within the enemy ranks. I ran, but I was too far away to save him. I heard the shrieks as Rosalie came from out of nowhere and tried to save Emmett's remains from the flames. I pulled her back or she would have been completely consumed. Edward, and Benjamin were both gone, as was Emmett.

My mind refused to believe it could be happening. I felt a surge of grief and horror rise up, and flood through me. It choked me as it clawed to be free, and I let it out in a wild forceful storm front that pushed everything before it. My shield went out from me like a tidal wave of emotional force, smashing everyone on the outside in one powerful pulse.

I watched the Volturi army topple, like a field of domino's before an angry child. I collapsed to the ground, completely drained to the point of unconsciousness. I don't know how long I was out, but I couldn't find the strength to stand even when I came to. My mind refused to cope with all I'd seen and what I knew. It just wasn't possible that he was gone. I couldn't even face the reality of his death.

When the chaos resolved, I saw Aro coming out of the fray, and he was carrying what remained of Carlisle. Alice ran to help, and I crawled, then stumbled back toward my daughter. It was then I saw more heartbreak. Eleazar was battered and grief stricken as he discovered that Carmen and Tanya had been destroyed in the battle. Then I found out Esme was gone as well, and her body had been carried off and destroyed.

"She saved my life, Mom." My daughter's tearful sobs echoed in my head as I saw Carlisle began to mend. It was startling to watch his pieces pull together, and reconnect. Rosalie sat alone, rocking back and forth as she hugged herself. It looked like the war was over, as there was no leadership on the side of the Volturi. There were still some isolated skirmishes going on, but for the most part, the survivors were gathering in small defensive groups. The fight had gone out of everyone. The field was covered in blood, and there were two bonfires and Volturi newborns were being fed into the flames before they could heal.

"It's been Caius all along." Aro was speaking to Jasper, as if Jasper was now our leader. "He's always had the ability to unite us all, but he's never used it until now. It's something we always thought of as a secret weapon if we ever needed it We agreed it was for a conflict between humans and vampires – the end of days. I didn't want this! I don't even think _he _wanted it. We were foolish, and we've been used."

"That's a piss-poor excuse, if you ask me!" It was Garrett who confronted Aro. "Wah wah, it wasn't my fault," he sneered. "Take a look around you and see what you've done! My Kate... her blood is on your hands!" He stalked aggressively toward Aro, and I thought for sure he was going to attack him.

"Garrett, you need to keep yourself under control." Jasper's words were soft, but they were clearly a command. I also knew he was using his ability to calm him.

"He's right." Hearing the defeat in Aro's voice shocked me. "We let it happen. We were arrogant, and we thought we were the most powerful beings on the planet. But it's a _big _planet." He looked around at the fires, the chaos, and the grief stricken people left behind. When he started speaking, I realized he wasn't the same calculating, mildly amused man I'd met before. He was a man facing his judgment day.

As the word went out that the war was over, he began to tell a story that had us all hanging on his every word.

"It was after our _visit _to your home ten years ago that we made our biggest mistake. Cauis felt like someone should pay for our failed mission. At first he wanted to hunt down all those who'd turned against us and then fled. But then he remembered the half-breeds. He couldn't go after the Cullen child, but the one who'd created the hybrid called Nahuel was one of us, and therefore subject to our laws." At the mention of Nahuel I realized I hadn't seen him on either side of the war, nor had I seen his aunt Huilen.

"He must have known we were coming for him. He left his home in Chile, and we sent Demetri to see if he could be found. It took a while, but we discovered him in Africa, living among the Congolese Pygmies. It's one of the least civilized places in the world, and he'd set himself up as a leader among the natives. He had already succeeded in creating six more hybrids, and there were at least a dozen women in various stages of pregnancy, and each of them was prepared to die for him." His eyes looked haunted as he spoke.

"Caius is – _was – _my friend for over a thousand years. But he couldn't let go of what he saw as our humiliation when we were last here. There was no reasoning with him, and so he was part of the small army we sent to bring the renegade Joham back for judgment." Aro fell to his knees as he told his story, and his head dropped to his chest.

His tortured whisper shocked us. "I never really saw my friend again. The man who was destroyed today wasn't the same man who left on his mission. The Caius I knew never would have broken so many of our laws – he was the one who wrote them. When our army returned, they had Joham with them. What we failed to realize until it was too late, was that he wasn't a prisoner – they were." He looked up and met our eyes.

"We should have left them alone in Chile. The danger has never been the hybrids, the danger is with Joham, the sire. He could have stayed isolated for the rest of eternity, and maybe eventually he'd have a small army of hybrids and we'd have noticed. But instead we hunted him and made him defensive." Aro knelt there on the ground in the trampled snow, looking completely forlorn. He looked up at us, his eyes so dark they could have been black.

"He has a power we never expected. We all have the ability to lure humans to their death: Beauty, scent, strength, speed, and guile. We didn't think there was anything special about the way the mothers of his children sacrificed themselves. But we were wrong. It's simple and quite devastating. He has charm."

His head fell to his chest in defeat. "I'm not talking about simple mannerisms that make him hard to resist. I mean he has a compulsion that works so subtly you don't even realize he's stealing your will. It's a powerful influence that works even if obedience means your death. Among the local women, it meant he could have his choice of mates. Even knowing exactly what he was and what he would do to them wasn't enough of a deterrent. The women gladly offered themselves up as human incubators for his children." He looked my way meaningfully, and I wanted to hurt him for the implication.

"When he retreated to Africa, he used his power to set himself up as a chief. The women offered themselves to him, and the men bowed to him in adoration. When our army came against them, it was a massacre. The men defended their chief to the death, and the woman who weren't bearing his children laid down their lives as well. He surrendered before any of his children or impregnated mates were harmed. They apprehended him and they thought he was their captive."

Aro stood up. "They were mistaken. One by one they fell to him, without a single blow. We are ever ready for an attack, but the man who comes with smiles and open hands, doesn't even warrant a defense. It took over a month for them to return. That's how long it took the women to give birth to the hybrids that tore their way out of their bodies. Our army became his army, and they went on to invade another tribe so that the hybrids and his army could feed."

Aro had an audience for the story he seemed compelled to tell. "They came back to Volterra, and Joham took over. From the beginning, he was in the red robes of leadership. In a few months all of us were under his complete control. He preached about the benefits of breeding hybrids, and he maintained that the days of the 'ordinary' vampire were numbered. We were all his disciples, and immediately the search began for human women who wouldn't be missed. He wanted women we could breed"

Aro looked right at me with horror on his face. "Right now in Voltera, there are over a hundred hybrids – I've fathered three myself. Joham wanted to lead an army of them against the rest of the world. He believed they were better because they can blend in with humans more readily than we can. They're warm, their hearts beat, they can eat human food, and they sleep."

He strode over to Garrett. "You think this war was about rebellion and resistance, but you're wrong. You merely gave him the excuse he needed to start the war. Have you had a chance to look beneath the robes yet? Our army was primarily female. All the women, along with the men who didn't have enough control to mate with a human." He looked suddenly overwrought with grief. They're all gone now: Marcus, Caius, Jane, Alec, Renata, Heidi, Chelsea, Felix, and Sulpicia – my wife. Caius controlled them, but Joham commanded them." He smiled bitterly. "The irony does not escape me that it was Vladmir and Stefan who killed him. It's the only good thing to come of this day – his death."

The story he told was almost impossible to believe, but little by little the evidence proved he was telling the truth. The army was almost entirely female. The men it seems were necessary to father his master race.

As what was left of our forces came together, it was common to hear how the women were targeted, and the men were left behind. I wished they had been as successful with me.

Carlisle healed, and then he had to be told all the horrible news of the days losses. He was silent and still as we told him of the deaths of Emmett, Edward, and Esme. He looked like he was carved from stone, even as Alice and Rosalie tried to hug him. Jasper crumpled to the ground, as he shared in his pain and sorrow, and all I could do was stare as the nightmare continued to unfold.

It was her warmth that snapped me out of it. Ness had her arms around me, needing my comfort as much as she gave me hers. Her tears flowed so freely, and I pressed my face against hers to try to experience them for myself.

"Daddy's dead? It's not possible! He would never leave us – it can't be true!" Her shrieks brought Jacob running to her side, and she passed out in his arms.


	4. Chapter 4 Death Wish

Chapter 4

Death Wish

I watch the tiny spot on the horizon grow larger. It's likely the boat that belongs to the caretakers. An idea takes me, and I run back to the house. It's a simple matter to remove my things, smooth the bed and leave no trace I was ever there. I take my bag and stash it in some deep undergrowth near the center of the island. When they arrive it's as if I never made it. I listen to their conversation, wondering what to do and if they should call the owner. The man actually engages in a quick search of the island, but of course he can't find me. Eventually they get back in their boat and leave.

I sit on my perch and look out over the water. The days pass uneventfully. After a week, I experience my first thunderstorm in all its tropical splendor. The water on my cheeks reminds me of tears, and I turn my face to the sky and take it in. Lightning flashes over the churning waves, and the wind roars through the trees in destructive fury.

I raise my voice and howl with the thunder. I shout his name in competition with the crashing ocean. I run through the trees taunting the lightning to strike me down. I claw deep gashes in their trunks and scream like his mountain lion prey.

I personify my despair. I embrace my horror. I wallow in my agony and shriek at the unfairness of it all. I cry to heaven, arms held high, and beg the universe to take me too. My clothes are soaked and dirty from the week I've worn them. I shred them from my body, feeling a bond with the wild woman Victoria.

Victoria is long gone, just like my Edward. I imagine them in some vampire heaven, where she gets to be with him and I don't. I scream and tear at my hair, and in a fit of anguish, I throw myself from the overlook into the ocean.

I remember cliff diving all those years ago, and how it lead to me getting him back when I thought he was gone for good. I don't fight to tread water or swim. I sink, and science tells me that I have no gases in my body to keep me afloat. My heart tells me it's because I'm nothing more than a corpse. I close my eyes and let go. I feel the water surround me, moving me as if I'm nothing more than driftwood. I count the thunder claps and the lightning flashes on the inside of my eyelids. It gradually slows then stops. I drift.

I feel the sun warming the water above me. The water holds me like a tomb. I can't sleep and I can't turn off my mind. A week passes as I drift corpse-like in the ocean. It's the tide that brings me ashore and deposits me as it ebbs. I rub against the sand and rocks with each wave. I listen to the seabirds overhead, but none of them land on me, nor do the crabs come to snap at me. I let the sand cover my body and my face and the water recedes from my feet. I don't move. A week passes and I am still. The sand blows over me, and the tides wash against me, pushing me further ashore. The sun warms my back during the day, and at night I am cold as stone.

Still I can't forget, but something new steals my attention. Hunger. I won't hunt. I refuse to even move. I will petrify here and become driftwood. I can do this. I will _force _myself to die. I will wither and fall apart and be sand on the beach – sand that sparkles in the sun.

Hunger. Hunger. Hunger. My heart does not beat, but the thirst pulses within me. I can control it. I _will _control it.

Edward please don't go. I need you. I love you. I can't do this without you. I feel the memory of tears on my face. He left me before. I remember how hard I fought to hold on to his memory. The crazy things I did to recall the sound of his voice. I remember the fear of losing my precious memories of him. But now I want them gone. If I can't have him, his memory is a taunt that keeps me rooted in sorrow.

Days pass. I thirst. They are wrong, and I haven't lost control. I will lie here until I am a desiccated ruin. I will lie here until even the birds know I'm no threat. And when every bit of life and memory have faded from me, I will disintegrate like a forgotten sandcastle.

Time has no meaning. I feel him with me. Edward wraps me in his arms of memory and holds me. I feel him kiss my cheek and he tells me he loves me. I breathe sand as I sigh, and I let him go, too weak to hold him.

Silence. Oblivion. Darkness.

Peace.

I hear the sounds, but I can't move. I smell the blood, and I refuse to act. I hear familiar words that barely register in my mind. I'm not dead. But I'm close... so close.

Voice calling, hands touching, turning me, moving me, and pulling me back from where I want to go. I shake my head and struggle feebly. I'm lifted and carried, and I can't struggle enough to get away.

"My god Bella, what were you thinking?"

His voice is familiar, but I don't want to remember. I'm carried to the house and I find myself on the bed we never shared. The smell of blood is overwhelming, and I grind my teeth to keep still. He holds my head up and puts the cup to my lips. It flows into my sandy mouth and floods down my clogged throat. It's never tasted sweeter. I clutch the cup in my hands and empty it greedily. My parched tongue licks the cup and he takes it from me. The sand has stolen my sight, but the blurry images remind me that it is coming back.

The cup is offered once more, and I don't need help drinking. I clutch it in both hands like a hungry toddler. It's so good... so perfect. I can feel it flowing through me. I feel like a dried sponge tossed into a bucket of water. The cup is empty and I want more.

"More." It's the first word I've spoken in weeks. My voice is dry and raspy, and unfamiliar to my ears. .

"No, that's enough. Any more and you'll develop a taste for it." My eyes begin to focus, and I watch him pace. I try to speak, but the sand in my throat is scratching me. I cough, leaning over the bed as the clumps are expelled from my throat. I blow it from my nose, and spit it from my mouth. I feel the venom. My eyes focus on the sandy mess on the wood floor. I can see. I can smell. I can taste again. I'm not dead. Damn.

I sit up and look at him. He looks angry, pacing back and forth in the bedroom. He stops and our eyes meet. I've never seen him angry before. Never.

"What the hell were you thinking? I wouldn't have expected a stunt like this from you! You're not mortal anymore Bells, all you're doing is worrying your family and taking a chance on getting someone killed!" He's shouting, and all I can do is stare. "What's wrong with you? Have you totally lost your mind?" I can't respond to his questions. I blink at the grit in my eyes as the world takes an insane spin.

He comes toward the bed raging with anger. "You've got a lot of explaining to do!" It looks like him, but I don't know this person. "Say something!" He pounds on the end of the bed, and the wood splinters to pieces. He stands there, staring at me, then he runs his hand through his hair in a gesture that reminds me painfully of Edward.

He seems to calm himself, and his voice calms back to normal. "You need to clean yourself up, and put some clothes on." He reaches out and softly touches the fabric draped on the bed he's just ruined. He walks into the kitchen leaving me there. I look down and realize I'm still naked, and I don't even care. I get up and walk into the bathroom.

More memories are hiding there, like I hid there on my honeymoon. I turn on the water and climb into the spray. Hot or cold no longer matter, but it takes three washings to get the sea and sand out of my hair. The sand has crawled into every nook on my body, and I have to take care to wash it all away. I expect to be weathered or dried out, but there's no change. My skin looks perfect and white. I can't even sunburn anymore.

I wrap in a towel and brush my hair. I see myself in the mirror, and I look exactly the same as the day I left. No, I'm not quite the same. My eyes are red.

I storm from the bathroom and confront him in the kitchen. "You gave me human blood!" My voice sounds harsh. "Why would you do that to me?"

He looks up from what he's doing as if I'm bothering him. "So she speaks." He goes about cleaning up, packing away an empty bag that used to contain donated blood. He wipes down the table and washes out the cup I drank from.

"Carlisle... why?" I sit on a nearby chair, hugging the towel close. He snaps the cooler closed and turns to face me.

"You needed it. You couldn't hunt, and animals just don't sit still to donate blood. It'll be out of your system in a couple weeks."

"But now I know what it tastes like."

"You were going to know that one way or another. If you think for one minute you'd be able to resist the next human who set foot on this island, then maybe you really have lost your mind! Just be glad you didn't have to find out the hard way that your resistance isn't perfect. If you'd have killed the pilot or the caretakers, I'd have destroyed you myself."

I stand to face him. "Why wait for me to slip, do it now!" He strikes fast, and the sound reverberates in the small room. His hand across my cheek snaps my head to the side and staggers me. The pain is momentary, and I know better than to look for damage. I turn to face the man who looks like Carlisle, and I know it can't be him.

He squeezes his eyes shut and balls his fists at his side. When he opens his eyes I see twin windows of pain. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I didn't come here to fight with you. And I damn sure didn't come here to destroy you." He sits on the edge of the table and shakes his head. "You have no idea...you can't even see beyond your own loss."

He rubs at his eyes in an entirely human gesture. "It's been two years Bella. He's not coming back – none of them are. And you can't just toss yourself into the grave and pull the dirt in on top."

"Why not? Why can't I just end _this_? Set me up with one of those thermite disc's and let me go."

"Shut up!" He looks like he wants to hit me again. "You're being such a self-centered pain in the ass. This pity party has gotten out of hand, and you need to just get over yourself."

"I CAN'T!" My voice is too loud for the small bungalow. "Don't you think I've _tried?_ The only man I ever loved was murdered right in front of me. And I can't forget him, and I can't get past it, and I can't even _cry _for him. It hurts, Carlisle. Every thought, every memory, every dream we shared, shreds through me like a razor. I feel like somebody has torn out my heart, and packed in ice where it used to be." I step closer to him.

"When I was changed, the drugs you gave me didn't work. They actually made it worse, and I couldn't move or scream or writhe in the agony I felt." He actually looks sorry. "Carlisle, that was sweet bliss compared to how I feel now. I would go through that every moment of every day if it meant I could have him back." My words hang in the silence between us. His head droops as he stares at the floor.

"I know." His voice is so soft I almost don't hear him. His eyes lock onto mine, and we stare at each other. "You don't have a monopoly on pain, Bella. There is plenty of suffering to go around, and you can't convince me that your loss is greater, just because you've chosen to wallow in it." He puts his hands on either side of my head and stares into my eyes. "I loved Esme for over a hundred years. Your grandparents weren't even born when I chose Edward and started my family. I loved him too, Bella. He was sometimes like a child, sometimes like a brother, and sometimes like a best friend. He mattered to me just like he mattered to you, only _more." _

I try to shake him free. I try to deny that he could possibly feel the same. He pokes his finger into my chest, and his voice sounds like pain crawling up from a pit within him. "You only lost one. I lost _three. _ You have ten years of memories, and I have a hundred. You think you've got nothing left to live for? How can you be so stupid? Your daughter delivered last week, and you weren't there. You want to keep wallowing in self-pity, I can't stop you. But you should at least tell your family so they don't worry about you." He lets me go and walks into the other room.

I don't want to, but I follow him. "Nessie had her baby? She wasn't due for three months, did it come early? Is she okay?" I feel fear take hold at the thought of something happening to her or the baby.

"Do you really care?" He looks at me with cold convicting eyes.

"Of course I care, she's my daughter."

"She's been worried sick about you. Jacob wouldn't let her travel, or she would have come looking for you herself. The caretakers said that you hadn't arrived, but the pilot swore he dropped you off. I knew you wanted time alone, so I told her you were fine. You've been gone for three months."

"My god, I didn't know." I look at him, feeling like I need to explain. "I just couldn't face it anymore. I feel like I died – I wanted to die. I didn't hunt or feed, and after a while everything just stopped. I couldn't feel the days passing, and I even stopped thinking." I smile at the memory. "It was so peaceful."

"It's an illusion." His harsh voice snaps my head up. "You're not the first to try to starve yourself to death. I tried it myself, and made it six months before some poor lost sheep wandered over the grave I'd buried myself in." I gaze at him in shock. "You've been a vampire for twelve years, and I've been one for over three hundred and fifty. I've done it all at least once. You need to get dressed so you can hunt."

"I don't have anything to wear. I left my suitcase near the middle of the island in some underbrush." He rolls his eyes in frustration. He walks past me to the bedroom and I follow meekly behind. He opens the closet and pulls out several outfits and lays them on the bed.

"Pick something that fits you and get dressed."

"I can't wear those. They're... _hers." _The clothes obviously belonged to Esme.

He looks exasperated, and angry. "They're clothes, and you need to get dressed." I back away from his anger. He paces and then calms himself, as if it takes a great effort. "Esme is never going to wear those again. I'm not going to turn her clothes into some kind of shrine to her – she was better than that." He looks at me with the kind eyes I remember, and his voice softens. "Take whatever you need. She would want you to wear them."

He turns and leaves me alone in the bedroom. I stare at the clothes, and then slowly look through them. They don't look like what she would wear. I choose something, and when I come out, he stares at me. He comes close and I feel self-conscious at the way his eyes take me in. So close, he leans toward me and inhales the scent of the white peasant blouse I'm wearing. His eyes drift closed, then he straightens and looks at me.

"I'm sorry. They've been washed, but I remember her in that one." He smiles wistfully with a far-away look. "Back home she always dressed for appearances. She did her best to look like an older, responsible, soccer-mom. She was only twenty-six when she was changed Bella. When she was here she was young and free and relaxed. She wore such soft feminine clothes. She looked like an angel in white." He strokes my arm as he touches the soft fabric of the blouse.

It hurts to see his memories of her. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. They're just clothes."

"No... I mean I'm sorry she died. You must hate me for it." He stares at me, and his brows draw together.

"Hate you? Why would I hate you? You didn't..."

"It's my fault! I left Nessie. I knew she was a target, and I left her unprotected. I thought I could save Edward, and I left our daughter unprotected – it's all my fault!" I have no tears, just the ragged sound of my voice scraping against my vocal chords. "If I had stayed with Nessie, Esme wouldn't have died trying to protect her. You must hate me for what I did."

He comes at me quick, and I flinch thinking he might hit me again. Instead he wraps me in his arms and holds me tight. "I don't hate you. It's not your fault Bella." His hands soothe over my back as he holds me. "You've carried this guilt all this time? I could never blame you for what happened." He holds me an arm's length away, looking into my eyes. "If anything, I thought you would hate _me." _He looks away and his face is troubled. "Marcus used to be my friend, and I thought he wouldn't attack me, but he did. I couldn't take both Marcus and Caius, and Edward paid for my weakness – Emmett too."

"No Carlisle. I know you did all you could." He looks so vulnerable, and I timidly hold him. The contact feels strange, and I realize I've not touched anyone the whole time I've been gone. It's been three months.

I pull away abruptly. "What about Nessie and the baby? Is everything okay?" I feel suddenly anxious for my daughter and her family. He looks at me for a long moment, then steps away and sits in a wicker chair.

"Don't worry, she's fine. The baby's fine too. She had a little boy, Bella." He smiles for just a second. "He's the cutest thing I've ever seen. He's got your hair – or maybe it's Jacob's. He's got enormous brown eyes, and I'm sure those are yours. He's got Jacob's mouth, and Edward's nose." He stares at me and I feel like someone's squeezing my chest.

"What's his name?" I can barely whisper.

"They haven't named him yet. They were talking about Edward, but there have been so many losses, and they want their children to have their own names and identities. She's also worried about how you'll take it."

"Oh." I don't know how I feel about a baby Edward.

"They're waiting for you to come home and help with the naming. They miss you."

"Why? I just bring everyone down. They're better off without me."

"You know, I'm not even going to listen to you talk like that. I've had to face the fact that Esme's gone. But if she were still here, there wouldn't be a thing that could keep her away from seeing that baby. Those children are your family. And they're part of Edward too. You're dishonoring his memory when you behave like this." He stands.

"Bella, you need to decide for yourself what to do. I can tell you I've been where you are, but that really doesn't matter to you." I look at him feeling confused. He makes it sound like it's all behind him. How is that possible?

His eyes stare into mine. "Two hundred years is a long time to be lonely. You watch every one and every thing you've ever known and cared about pass away. The question has been asked, is it better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all? I've lived on both sides of that question." His hand softly strokes my cheek where he hit me. "Always choose love, Bella. Always. Without love, we're no better than animals. It's worth every bit of pain, sorrow, and risk."

"I don't think so. I just wish I could forget." He shakes his head, laughing softly.

"There are two ways you can look at it. You're stuck feeling the pain of his loss. You feel betrayed that you can't have more. I understand that, believe me I do. But you had ten years. You had ten good years of love and memories. But to stay caught up in what you can't have, is like ignoring what you _did _have. Your life isn't over Bella. There is more to it than you could possibly know. If I'd managed to end my life when I tried, I never would have known my family. I never would have known Esme or Edward, or Emmett. I would have put an end to that possibility.

"How selfish do you think that would have been? Edward would have died in the hospital from the flu. Esme would have... god, she probably would have been buried alive. Rosalie would have bled to death in a ditch, and Emmett would have been bear food. You would probably have died in your school parking lot, and there would be no Renessmee. Sarah wouldn't exist, nor would their new baby boy. You can't possibly know what you'll be missing if you give up now."

"I don't know how to keep going. I feel so cold and dead inside. Carlisle, it's like the best part of me is gone. I feel like everything that made me special died in that battle. I'm so _empty."_

He gathers me into his arms. "I know. But it won't last forever. I promise."

"You can't promise that. It's been two years, and it still feels like yesterday. I just want it to end." I try to free myself, but he holds me tighter.

"There's no magic to make it better Bella. You will remember, and that won't change. But if you open yourself up to new possibilities, you'll have new memories. Little by little the good things will start to add up and you won't have as much time to dwell on the bad." He pulls back without releasing me. "You've kept yourself locked up for the past two years and you haven't allowed yourself to feel good. If you stay like this, you'll be missing out on some of the best things in your life."

He lets me go then, and takes out his wallet. He hands me a picture. "That's Sarah holding her new baby brother. She wants a visit from her grandma. She's two, and she's growing like normal. But her intelligence is so much more advanced. She talks like a four year-old, and if someone doesn't give the baby a name, she's going to name him Scooby-doo." I laugh in spite of myself.

Carlisle snatches the picture from my hands. "This one's mine. If you want one, you've got to go back home and get it yourself." I stare at him as he tucks the picture back into his wallet. "Don't look at me like that. One way or another, you're leaving the island. I think you should go back home. But if you want to return to Denali and stare at the spot where he died, that's still an option. Rosalie and Garrett aren't there any more. They're traveling the country together. He wants to show her the country in a way she's never seen it." He smiles briefly. "You knew they were a couple, right?"

"I knew it would happen. What about Eleazar?"

He exhales loudly and shakes his head. "He's not doing so well. He's alone in that big house. He's broken."

"Like me."

"No, not like you Bella. He has no one."


	5. Chapter 5 Shadows of Memory

Chapter 5

Shadows of Memory

He looks sad when he speaks of his old friend, Eleazar. "I've invited him to join us, but he refused."

"Us? What do you mean?"

"Alice and Jasper have returned from Italy with me. We're living in Canada a couple hours from Forks. We want to be close to the kids. We've brought some new friends with us as well."

"You're all back from Volterra? When did that happen?"

He sighs. "We didn't mean for it to take so long. Joham and Caius left a mess behind. They brought the women with them when they attacked us, and left the men in the city. All the losses we felt were repeated in Italy. And then there are all the motherless hybrids who've been indoctrinated in Joham's poisonous way of thinking for most of their lives. We went with the intention of dismantling the whole Volterra coven, but instead we've had to restructure it and keep it in place. Aro is going to take a few years to..."

"Wait a minute – Aro is still alive and still in charge?" I feel such a sense of outrage, that one of those who lead an army against us wasn't executed for war crimes.

"You haven't seen the magnitude of control Joham had, Bella. Aro didn't attack us, he was used as a puppet – they all were."

"Those 'puppets' killed my husband! They killed Esme! How could you let them live?" He sighs loudly at my outburst.

"Volterra has fallen Bella. But it's still home to a lot of our people. It's home to the hybrids now too. After all our losses worldwide, it's more important than ever that we have a strong governing body..."

"And that's Aro?" I snap. "He would have torn my family apart twelve years ago if he'd had the chance. I can't believe you..."

"Will you just shut up and listen!" He interrupts. He begins to pace again. Funny that I'd never seen that nervous mannerism in him before. "We all decided we needed a strong governing body. But it's not going to be in Volterra. In this day and age, there are better ways to rule than from one city. Global communications make it possible to keep up with issues from anywhere in the world. We've decided to have a ruling council instead of the three who hold their power by might. Aro is part of that council, but he doesn't rule it."

He smiles sadly and shakes his head, as if to dismiss his irritation. "I wish you had come with us, you've really missed a lot. We're basically starting a small government that we hope will endure and prevent wars from happening again. We've decided on nine members. Currently we have four vampires, two hybrids, one shape-shifter, and one human. Then there's the one who is in charge of making the final decisions. We're calling that spot the chairperson, for lack of a better name."

"Are you the Chairperson?" I can't think of anyone better qualified.

"I'm on the counsel. But at least temporarily we have a better Chairperson." He smiles at my questioning look. "It's Alice." My mouth drops open, I'm so shocked.

"Why Alice? Aren't there older and wiser people who could do it? I mean wouldn't it be better to have a real leader than a party planner?"

"Like I said before, you've missed a lot. Alice has changed. In fact she's probably changed more than anyone else." He's stopped pacing, and he looks me in the eyes, suddenly serious.

"Alice didn't know exactly what was going to happen in the war, but she did know we were going to grieve. It took a huge toll on her since some of her visions were crystal clear, and some of them were too vague. She had to keep it all inside, or we wouldn't have done the things we needed to do. She knew that we would suffer many losses."

"She knew?" I can't believe I heard him right. My best friend Alice wouldn't have let my Edward die. "Did she know he would die?" I watch him carefully, and even though he doesn't answer, I can see the truth. "My god! Why would she do that to me? Was it to protect Jasper? Why?" I feel such a sense of betrayal. I remember her that day, trying to hold me back and keep me from going to him. I feel myself slipping into a dark abyss with the news. It's too much.

He moves to hold me, and his arms around me remind me I'm not alone. I struggle to pull free, but he won't let me go. "Shh, calm down Bella. You don't know everything. She did the best she could."

"She let him die, Carlisle. She wouldn't let me go to him." I hear myself weeping, but there are no tears. "She knew, and she wouldn't let me take him away!"

"He wouldn't have gone anyway." His words freeze me.

"How do you know? He would have gone away with me if I had asked. He would have stayed out of the battle if it was what I needed." I look up into his eyes, and he doesn't say a word. Then it hits me.

"_He_ _knew_! Oh god, he knew. No, no, no, no, no!" His hands keep me from falling hard when my legs give out. I wish I could just disappear. I remember his last words to me – his last kiss. I remember watching him charge into battle, and I remember seeing his last moments... no. _He knew. _

I lose track of time, curled up on the floor. Carlisle picks me up and carries me to the bed, and I draw my knees up and hug myself. His last words were to watch over our daughter, and to tell me he loved me. He knew. He knew he would die that day. He knew, and he didn't tell me. He knew and he didn't take our family and run to the ends of the earth to avoid it. Why?

I feel his weight on the bed. His hand rubbing over my back should feel soothing, but there's just no comfort for me. My Edward knew he wasn't going to live through the war.

His voice is soft and low. "Alice couldn't tell anyone, but Edward read it from her mind. They actually talked about it, and he made her promise not to tell you or let you see. She also knew that if you left, we'd lose the war. It had to go the way it did, Bella. Edward was the only one who could pick out the leader. You were the only one who could shield everyone."

I hear someone screaming, and it takes me a minute to realize it's me. The feeling that fate has reached out and taken away so much, hurts more than I can stand.

I'm not alone. His arms around me from behind startle me enough I stop screaming. He pulls me tight against him and holds me almost like a lover – but I feel more like a child.

"Shh, calm down Bella, it's going to be alright." I know it's one of those platitudes that you say when someone's hurting, but it sounds like a lie to my ears.

"No. It's _not _going to be alright. It's never going to be alright again."

"You're wrong." He's so close, his voice whispers into my ear. "I know you'll feel good again someday." He continues to hold me.

"No. Carlisle, why did he do it?" I whisper. "He didn't have to die. He didn't have to leave me." His arms tighten around me.

"Alice saw so many possible outcomes, and none of them were good. The best made Edward a fallen hero, the worst showed her how we all died, and what became of the world with Joham in control of a vampire/hybrid army. Without your shield, Caius would have taken control of us all. Then Joham would have put his master plan in place, and all the women would have been used as a sort of worker bee." He's quiet for a moment, and his next words chill me.

"Except for Renesmee. She's a mature female hybrid not of his blood, and Joham would have taken her from Jacob to make her his own mate. He would have killed her baby after it was born. Alice didn't know how this Joham had gained so much control, but she knew he had to die. Every one of the Volturi was his shield, including Aro. They were all prepared to die for him."

I just lay still My rational mind tells me that Edward chose his fate to save us all. But I also can't help but feel that he chose to abandon me to the despair that's tearing me apart. There had to have been some other way.

"Bella, you can't keep going over it in your mind. You have to let it go or it will eat you alive. Even if there were better ways to handle it, it's done. We don't get to do it over." He's lying behind me, and our bodies are pressed together. I feel some small comfort that he's not letting me withdraw.

"I know." My voice is small as he rubs my arm comfortingly. I try to think of something else. "How did you get over her?" I stare at her painting on the wall.

"To be honest, you never really get over someone you truly love. I don't want to get over her." He begins to rub my back in slow, soothing circles. "But I can't live in the past either. She's a part of me now, and she always will be. It's not about forgetting and getting over it, Bella. It's about continuing to live your life, and leaving yourself open to the possibility that you can be happy again."

"I don't think I can. How do you top perfection?" His soft laughter behind me surprises me.

"I used to think like that." Again his arm is around me, resting casually across my stomach. He shifts so my head is pillowed on his arm. I've never been so close to him before. Edward was always the one to comfort me. I should move, but it's the closest thing to a good feeling I've had for so long.

"Did Edward ever tell you that I loved someone before Esme?" His words surprise me. I've never thought about it. It always seemed to me like he and Esme had been together since the dawn of time.

"No, of course he wouldn't say anything." He speaks so close to my ear. "He was really good at keeping the secrets of the people around him." Again I feel his soft laugh. "I had to teach him that. When he was new, he sometimes had trouble discerning if someone had told him something, or if he'd read it from their mind. As a doctor, I knew that there were many things that people just didn't want to share. I taught him that it was best to err on the side of caution when it came to talking about someone's personal issues. He learned to keep a lot of things to himself."

"I'm sure he did." I can't help but think of the terrible secret of his impending death. He doesn't allow my mind to go down that pathway as he continues.

"Her name was Gabriella – the woman I loved. In your own words, she was perfection to me. Of course I knew her before I ever met Esme. It was long before she was even born." He sighs, and I feel his breath against my ear. "She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. She was blond, in fact Rosalie reminded me of her. I often wonder if that's part of the reason I changed her. Not that it matters anymore. Gabriella was stunning, and I think I fell in love with her from the first moment I laid eyes on her."

"Was she human?" I'm curious to hear more of his story.

"No. It was during the time I lived in Volterra, and she was very much a vampire – red eyes and all. She's the reason I stayed as long as I did. We had a very short courtship, and within weeks I asked her to marry me. She agreed, and I was blissfully happy. I thought for sure we'd have forever to be together. She was my first..."

I gasp. "She was your first lover?"

"I shouldn't be telling you all of this." He chuckles. "She was my first _vampire _lover. I was twenty-three when I was changed, and contrary to my father's wishes, I had not remained a virgin. There was all kinds of mischief a young man could get up to in London at the time. But Gabriella was the first time I ever made love. I won't embarrass you with the details, you know how good it is with our kind." I whimper at the memory. I only know how good it was with Edward.

He goes on. "Gabriella was everything I wanted. She was beautiful, she was charming, she was well traveled and well-read, and she was so smart. She was younger than I was, and so vibrant, I was in awe of her. I hated that she drank human blood, but I loved her so much I didn't care that she wouldn't change. While we were together, I at least tried to direct her to those who were too sick or injured to recover. She agreed that for me she wouldn't feed from the young and healthy.

"Bella, I thought there was nothing that could ruin our plans. I loved her so deeply, but we only had a year together. I would have given her anything. But the one thing I couldn't give her, eventually took her from me." He shifts again, folding his knees behind mine, and holding me tight again. His voice sounds so tortured when he speaks. "It still hurts when I think about her. Those memories never go away."

He's quiet for a while. I feel strange the way he's clinging to me, but I think he must need the comfort. "She had such talent. Even before the change, she could sing well enough to be a star. She'd originally gone to Italy for the opera. She longed to perform. But more than that, she wanted the fame and recognition. Her dreams were too big for the Volturi. As you know, it's against their law to draw attention to ourselves.

"For a time Gabriella was content to plan our wedding, and just be with me. But she missed the stage, and she missed the applause. She sang in tiny little productions, and they loved her. But she was forbidden to pursue her dream beyond that. I'm sure you can see where this is going."

"She broke the law?" I can't imagine turning my back on love for fame..

"She didn't tell me. She'd auditioned for a part and won the lead in one of the many operas that were touring the world. For all the time she was at rehearsal, she made up excuses and lied. She kept it quiet up until opening night. I didn't even get to see her final performance, since she thought she could get away with it if she told no one. She performed at La Fenice to a packed crowd. I'm told she was the best that has ever been seen." He makes a noise behind me that sounds like a small wounded animal. It's obvious he still feels pain over her.

"I was in Volterra when they brought her in to stand trial. She didn't try to deny it. She felt that the law was unjust and she told them she should be allowed to perform because she was a singer even before she was changed. The vote was two to one against her. My friend Marcus took her side, but he was alone. The Volturi have never been known to give second chances. Gabriella didn't have a talent that would be missed among them, so it was decided she was to be destroyed."

His hand clenches in a fist. "I tried to talk them into being lenient. I argued for all I was worth. In the end, I even begged for her life and offered mine instead, but they wouldn't relent. They gave us a few minutes to say goodbye. I held her, and told her I loved her. I kissed her one last time before they dragged her from my arms. She begged me not to leave her. She was afraid to die alone." I pat his arm, and he takes my hand in his clutching grasp.

"There is a room, not far from where they feed. It's where they took her. It's where I went to be with her so she wouldn't be alone. I still couldn't believe that they would actually go through with her execution. She was so beautiful, I just didn't see how anyone could look at her and harm her. I kept waiting for someone to tell me it was all a mistake and apologize." His voice sounds like it's coming out of the past.

"Even before they carried out the sentence, they built a fire in the pit in the center of the room. They held her as she struggled to free herself. She begged me to help her fight, but we were so badly outnumbered, it wouldn't have made a difference." He's quiet for a long time, and I can imagine the horror of the moment he's obviously reliving.

"It was the Guard who carried out the sentence, and her execution was as brutal as it was swift. I can still remember her lovely singer's voice raised in terrified screams. They tore her to pieces, and burned her right before my eyes. Too late, I realized if I had fought alongside her, I might have suffered the same fate."

I can hear the agony and the pain in his voice. I turn in his arms so I can face him, and his eyes are red, as if he would weep for her. I lay a hand on his cheek in commiseration and he covers my hand with his own. His eyes look back over the centuries, and he doesn't even see me.

"The fire burned her slowly. I saw her gown catch fire just before her golden hair. Her beautiful face blackened and withered before my eyes, and I couldn't turn away. I love her Bella. I almost threw myself onto the fire with her." I feel the pain of his loss. I know the horror he witnessed.

I put my arms around his neck to comfort him, and he hugs me close. His face rests on my cheek and he holds me so tight, a human would be crushed. I consider pulling away from him, but I know how he must feel to have witnessed such a thing. He holds me like a drowning man would a life preserver.

"I grieved for her for almost a hundred years." His tortured words are gasped into my ear. "I fled Volterra that day, and wandered Europe for decades. I didn't speak to anyone, either vampire or human alike. I refused to practice medicine, or any other craft. I was little more than an animal myself, with no place to go, no place to live, and no one who cared.

"During that time, I tried to end my life. I threw myself from cliffs. I found it impossible to incinerate myself in a volcano, the monster within me won't allow me to be still long enough to burn. Also useless was the idea of climbing into a blast furnace – the vampire within me wants to live even if I don't. I took a boat to the middle of the ocean and leaped overboard. I swam to the bottom, and the pressure did not crush me. I tried to stay there, like an anchor, but when I grew hungry I was driven to feed on the sea life – and yes it will sustain us.

"I swam back to shore, even more despondent at my failures. I dug my own grave and posted warnings to keep people away. I laid for six months in a state of... blissful nothingness. It's as you've discovered, we can shut down completely if we don't feed. Eventually I grew so weak I lost even my memories. In my grave Gabriella couldn't torment me." He sighs, and I feel him stroke my hair.

"That's when I found out that what lives inside of us has a stronger will than we do. I didn't even hear the sheep. I didn't smell it, nor was I conscious of it. But I clawed my way free of my grave and fed. I woke up covered in the animal's bloody remains. It could just as easily have been a human, and I wold have murdered someone." He doesn't have to tell me I'd taken the same chance.

"I was forced back into the land of the living, and I booked passage on a ship headed to what I still thought of as the New World. It was the turn of the century, and I threw myself into a life without connections or familiarity. I took up practicing medicine again, and traveled the country, not staying longer than a year in any one place.

"I never forgot Gabriella, but at least I didn't see her everywhere I turned. When I found myself caught up in her memory, I would look through patient charts or medical journals. I studied a great deal. It was then I met the Denali coven. They survived on animals like I did, but what surprised me was how they lived as a family. Eleazar told me of the destruction of Sasha, who created an immortal child. It was the one flaw in the idea of a family – there could be no children."

He lifts his head and looks me in the eyes. "Eleazar planted the seeds that saved me, Bella. I was suffering in my loneliness and grief, and I was afraid to let myself feel more than friendship for anyone. When the Spanish flu really took hold, I was in Chicago. The death and suffering was on a scale you wouldn't believe. My own tragedy began to pale next to what I saw every day in the hospital. Soldier's died clutching photo's of young wives. Children perished and left grieving mothers. Whole families came in sick, and died one by one. It was horrifying. I lost two of my own nurses to the flu, and had to face the grief of their families.

"Of course you know what happened. But do you know how unlikely it was that I would even involve myself? I had professional distance, and it was necessary to do the job. I didn't get involved with my patients. One delirious mother clutching my sleeve was no different from another. But Elizabeth was particularly insistent. She'd already lost her husband, and she didn't care about her own life. But on her death bed she begged me to save her son." I can't help but hang on his every word. I know the story, but only from Edward's perspective.

"The young man was in bad shape. I sat by his bedside and knew he wouldn't last the night. Medically there was nothing I could do. I was just about to turn and tell his mother it was too late, when he grabbed my arm. His eyes were a vivid green in his wan face, and the blood he'd coughed up was dried on his lips. He barely had the breath to speak, but his words – I'll never forget them. He begged me: 'Please, don't waste your time on me. Please sir, save my mother, I beg you.' They were both pleading for the life of the other. I wasn't sure which one was the more selfless, but when I turned back to Elizabeth, she was already gone."

I stare at his face, wishing I could read his mind. "I always wondered why you let one die and saved the other. Thank you for telling me."

"I sat by his bed until the early hours of the morning. I was right; he wasn't going to pull through. In his delirium he whispered of happy times. He had a dog named Bo, and he fished on the lake with his father. I talked to him, and he answered questions like he was talking in his sleep. I learned that he played piano, and he was one year from finishing high school. His mother wanted him to go to college to become a music teacher, but he had plans of joining the army. He never got the chance to tell her.

"I know you won't understand this, Bella. But somewhere in those early hours of the morning, I learned to care again. It was like a switch was thrown and I could no longer keep my distance. I felt so involved with the young man who played baseball, and had just helped his father paint the house, that I just couldn't stand the thought of him dying. I had to sneak him out of the hospital so he wouldn't attract attention during the change. I had a small house on a secluded road, and I took him there. As soon as I could be sure he was about to breathe his last, I bit him."

He looks as if he's in pain. He squeezes his eyes shut and grimaces. His next words come out in a strangled gasp. "The blood... I forgot about the blood. It was like nothing I'd ever tasted. I mean I had resistance, but the taste of him was almost more than I could take. I bit him several times, just to feel my teeth sink into his flesh. I only meant to bite him and let the venom take over, but I drank from him, Bella. I drank his precious blood, and I almost took it all. When his heart fluttered, I knew I needed to stop. But it was close."

I can tell he still remembers. Even a hundred years later he can still remember the details. I stroke his face. "You didn't kill him, Carlisle. You saved him."

"I made him into something he barely understood. I held him through the change. I did what I could to calm him when he screamed. It took two days, and at times it was unbearable to see his suffering. When it was all over, he woke up confused, frightened, and _hungry._ Before I could even teach him about what we were, we needed to hunt. We were too close to populated areas for us to wait. Right from the beginning I showed him about hunting animals." He stops speaking and a kaleidoscope of emotions passes over his face. It's as if I can see the memories there.

"I was surprised at how fast he learned. He didn't ask me very many questions, and yet he seemed to know instinctively what we were. It was only later, when he began asking deeper questions that I started to put it together that he could read my mind. He asked me if he was alive or dead, and I just didn't know how to answer him. I know in my mind there were all kinds of thoughts of my own transformation, and how I had been hunting the monsters when I was bitten. I believe that's when he began to think of us as monsters."

I gasp, and he touches my face. "At the time, I didn't realize that I was laying the foundation for all his doubts about his humanity and his soul. I just wanted him to learn how important it was that he always be in control and be able to restrain himself." He looks so sad for a second, and I hold him close.

"I know he told you he rebelled and fed on humans. Did he tell you I drove him to it?" He shakes his head. "Of course he wouldn't." He sighs deeply and holds me tight. "We were talking about redemption one night. We'd been living in Ohio for almost a year, and we'd fallen into the habit of having long philosophical and spiritual discussions. He had such a fine, sharp, mind, even before you added in his ability. I told him that I believed we had souls. But he thought that I worked as a doctor to somehow repay humanity for what we were. I told him that I felt it was important to make something of our lives since we wouldn't suffer death. I told him it was as if God had given us a gift, and we should use it to better mankind. I could see my words confused him.

"He wondered aloud what reason God would have to give him the gift of reading minds, when it allowed him to see so much depravity people would otherwise keep hidden." He looks disgusted with himself. "I gave him my father's answer and told him to pray about it. I should have given him a better answer. I should have told him it would let him see those who truly needed our help. I should have told him that his mind reading was proof that he was special among God's creatures. He was so young – I sometimes forgot."

"What happened?" I can't help but ask as he seems reluctant to say.

"He wasn't there when I got home the next night. He'd drawn his own conclusions, and decided he had his gift so he could ferret out the dregs of humanity and put an end to them. I looked for him, of course, but aside from one small glimpse of him on the waterfront, I only saw the evidence of his passing. The Erie canal had fallen out of favor, but there were still many who lived and worked along the miles of canals. It's where the less advantaged people of society sometimes wound up. It's where he hunted.

"For weeks all I could do was listen to the news of the killer who was stalking the area. He was careful to disguise his method of killing, but before long someone put it together that the bodies were all drained of blood. I knew how easy it was for people to become panicked over the idea of vampires, and I began making plans to leave the area. I thought I'd lost him. I was already beginning to look forward to more loneliness, when I found her."

"Oh my god – Esme." I can see the memory is bittersweet.

"Yes. Edward had left a vacuum in my life. I didn't consciously set out to fill it, but when they brought her into the hospital, she was in such bad shape they thought she was already dead. They even put her in the morgue draped in a sheet, but I felt her heartbeat and pulled back the sheet. She looked so terrible I barely recognized her as my former patient. I knew she would be dead soon even with heroic efforts to save her. I used smelling salts to revive her enough to question her."

I want to ask him why he would try to ask her questions, but he goes on. "I asked her if she wanted to live. I knew where they'd found her and that she'd tried to kill herself. She looked me right in the eye and said 'yes.' There was just something about her... even just looking at her eyes she had this spark. I lifted her head and shoulders and held her for a moment. I whispered into her ear that I was a vampire, and asked if she wanted to join me. She grabbed hold of my arm and looked right into me and nodded. Just that small effort would have cost her life if not for what I did to her. Even with her dying breath she wanted to live."

It's so hard hearing him talk about her. "Who did you love more, Esme or Gabriella?" I realize it's a prying question even before I finish the words.

He surprises me when he laughs. "Ah Bella, don't you know by now that love doesn't know quantity? It can't be measured and distributed by some formula. That's like asking if I love Rosalie or Alice more. It's like trying to put a value on something that's immeasurable and priceless. I love them both."

"How is that even possible? I've always felt Edward was my soul mate. How do you love more than one?"

"I'm not sure I believe in soul mates Bella. There are people who fit so perfectly into our lives that it feels like they were made just for us. Esme was like that for me. But I don't think people are that rigid. People adapt and grow together. They learn to forgive, and communicate, and compromise. It's a process, and when you love someone it comes easy.

"Esme wasn't my perfect match, but I loved her, and we made the effort. I learned not to work such long hours, and she learned not to invade my office. I learned to communicate with her, and she learned that I sometimes need time alone. Love isn't just an emotion, it's an action. It's a choice."

I don't know how he can talk about her so casually. "I don't think I'm made that way. I don't think I could just choose to love someone else."

"You're a stronger woman than you give yourself credit. You're right, you can't just make a decision and love someone else. But what you can do is decide your life isn't over. You can decide that you're strong enough to face the memories. You can choose to celebrate his life rather than mourn his death. And you can choose to embrace everything you still have, and not keep looking at all you've lost. The first choice is to love your life, Bella. You can never love someone else if you feel you're nothing without him."

"But it's so hard." He nods at my whispered words.

"I know. I've been here before, Bella. I lost almost a hundred years mourning Gabriella. Don't make the same mistake I did. Will you at least try to move forward?"

I know what he's asking. He wants me to come out of mourning. He wants me to try to let go of the pain. I don't know if I can, but he's looking at me with such expectation in his eyes.

"I'll try, Carlisle."


	6. Chapter 6 First Steps

Chapter 6

First Steps

He pulls me close and his lips brush against my forehead. "We should probably get up so you can hunt." He doesn't let me go.

"I know." I don't want to move. "Does it make sense that I'm not even hungry?"

"You've denied your needs for three months. Plus you've had a pint of human. I'd actually be surprised if you were hungry. Not to mention it might not be appetizing to drink from a furry neck after being able to drink from a cup again."

I sigh. "I wish I could be a real vegetarian. Have you ever known any vampires who..."

"No." He interrupts me. "I told you, I've tried it all. It didn't make me sick, but I was miserable trying to eat real food, and then being forced to purge it later. I've tried plants of all variety, pastas, cooked meat, protein drinks... even mother's milk." He laughs at my confusion. "I'm a doctor Bella, you'd be surprised what I can come up with if I put my mind to it. It doesn't matter though, nothing else suffices but the blood. And I've never heard of anyone else even trying."

"I just hate even killing animals lately. I mean I don't see anything wrong with it ethically. Charlie hunts and fishes, and I've never had a problem with eating meat. But lately... I just wonder if it's worth it."

He tips my head up so our eyes meet. "You need it to live, and that's what makes it worth it. Remember, you said you'd try. Are you ready to hunt yet?"

I don't know how to form the answer, and my silence makes him search my face. "Not yet. I... I like this." It's been so long since I've been held, or even touched beyond a comforting hug from Rosalie. He stares at me long and hard, then sighs.

"I like it too." He tightens his arms around me, bringing me so close, even our legs interlock. He tucks my head beneath his chin, and one hand rubs my back, while the other strokes my hair. "Thank you." His voice is so soft. "I sometimes forget how important touch is in the healing process."

"I still wish I could cry." My hands move over his back and shoulders. He's right, it feels good just to touch. I let go of time, as we lie together, just giving and receiving comfort. I close my eyes and surrender to the sensations. It's not sleep that takes me, but a kind of peace, as I feel his fingers combing through my hair and his strong hand rubbing over my back. Tentatively I reach up and touch his hair. It's not like Edward's thick, unruly mane. It's soft and smooth, almost like silk. I wouldn't have thought it would feel so baby fine.

"That feels nice." His voice rumbles a little beneath my cheek, making me aware that I've continued to run my fingers through his hair. It's calming, like petting an animal. His voice is whisper quiet as his words reach my ears. "Did you know, they've done experiments, where they took baby monkeys and put them in a sterile environment. They gave them food and water, and took care of all their needs. But the monkeys didn't thrive, and eventually they weakened and died. They needed to be touched. The scientists learned that simple touch made the difference between the monkeys living or dying. I'm not saying we're monkeys, but..." He sighs deeply. "...I really appreciate this."

"No need to feel grateful. We're... friends." I almost say family, but all those relationships are different now. We both pull back a little, and he smiles. We're still touching, but we can look at each other. His hair has fallen forward across his brow, and he looks casual and relaxed. He looks younger than I've ever thought, and suddenly he's only twenty-three instead of one of my dad's peers.

My smile feels unfamiliar on my face. "You know, I never thought about it before, but you're way too young to be a doctor in today's world. How could anyone look at that baby face and trust you with their life?"

He chuckles briefly, then his smile disappears. "I look much older if I don't smile. I've also got multiple degrees and dress the part. But most important is I'm a very good doctor. I've got hundreds of years of experience. I'm a more adept surgeon than any human. My eyes catch what human eyes miss. I remember every medical text I've ever read, and I can even sense problems before I order a single test. I can smell diabetes and infection. I can hear heart and lung problems, and I don't really need a stethoscope. I can feel high blood pressure, and fever. And if that's not enough to make people trust me, I've got a secret weapon." He leans in close, until we're nose to nose. "Humans can't resist me." I'm immune to his scent, but for just a second I feel his particular magnetism, before his mouth turns up in a grin.

"Oh now that's cheating." I smile.

His eyebrow raises. "Indeed it is. But I'll use every advantage I have to save lives." I'm suddenly reminded of the four he changed to save them, and my smile disappears. Edward.

"What is it? Did I say something wrong?" He looks at me intently. "Oh Bella, you've got to stop doing that. You did say you would try." He sits up and takes my hand. "Come on, it's time to hunt. Let's see how Esme's goats are doing." I can't believe he can say her name so lightly. He rolls his eyes at my shock.

"When I bought the island there were no animals larger than rabbits here. Esme suggested the goats, and we had to import them and let them go, in case of emergencies. And no, I'm not going to turn those four-legged eating machines into a tribute to her either." He pulls me to my feet. "They've been reproducing for several generations, and the caretakers will keep them thinned out if we don't hunt them. Let's go." He doesn't let me protest, and I'm shocked at how normal the day looks as we head out to hunt.

The goats populate the center of the island and they're almost too easy to catch, with no natural predators. Carlisle hunts with me, but doesn't feed. It surprises me that he's not overcome by the blood, then I remember he's the one with the superhuman control.

The goat's blood tastes strange to me, but it's because I've had a more perfect alternative so recently. Feeding more than anything reminds me that I'm a vampire. I crouch beside the animal I've just drained, and there's no denying what I am. It's part of the reason I hate hunting lately. It reminds me that the very reason I wanted to be changed – to be with Edward forever – no longer exists.

"Catch!" Carlisle is standing on the hill above me, and he tosses me a shovel. I catch it neatly. "You need to bury the body so it doesn't attract attention."

"You're not going to help me dig the hole?" Burial isn't usually part of our hunting ritual.

He laughs. "You're just as strong as I am, and _you're _the one who needs a distraction from her memories. You don't have to dig too deep."

"Gee thanks." I start to dig, and it's surprisingly easy. In no time, I've got the goat buried, and we head back to the bungalow. I have even managed to keep the white outfit clean. Human Bella wouldn't have been able to pull that off.

"So, when do we leave?" I figure he's made plans to get us back home. We're both looking out over the ocean in the mid-afternoon sun.

"You're ready to rejoin the world?" He glances sideways at me.

"No. But I'm not anxious to stay here either." I look out over the water where Edward and I went swimming in the moonlight on our honeymoon.

"Well, that's too bad. We're stuck here for a day or two. There's a tropical system coming through, and it has the potential to turn into a hurricane. Our pilot is busy securing his home and family. He didn't even want to fly me here, and you don't want to know how much he charged for this trip. He'll come for us when the storm has passed."

"You're kidding me. We;re stuck here?" The disappointment in my voice is obvious.

"I'm afraid we are." He turns to look at me. "Some people would consider it good luck to spend time in a private paradise like this.

"Some people are not haunted by their memories."

He takes my hand and draws me close. When his arms encircle me I don't resist, and I rest my cheek against his chest as his embrace tightens. His voice is tender as his hand rubs my back comfortingly. "I get it. I really do understand. I came here with Esme at least once a year. We'd sit and watch the sun set on that beach out there."

"I swam with him in the moonlight, right out there on our honeymoon."

"She used to bury me up to my neck in the sand. Then she'd sculpt the sand to look like all kinds of crazy things – she really was an artist. She's got a whole scrapbook full of my head on sculpted crabs, octopus, even Popeye." He laughs and squeezes me gently.

"He broke the bed" I pause, remembering our first night. "He was trying not to hurt me, and he just ruined it. He bit into the pillows to keep from biting me I guess, and I woke up covered in feathers." I'm not prepared for his laughter. He relaxes his grip on me and he really cuts loose, throwing his head back and laughing for all he's worth.

"Oh Bella... that's priceless! How did he keep that a secret? He'd have been teased mercilessly. No telling what Emmett would have done with that information." He stops laughing abruptly, and we stare at each other. "Emmett," he whispers. I slide my arms around him, and we just hold one another. A few minutes pass as we're both absorbed in our past.

"Maybe we could escape the memories, and swim to where your caretakers live?" I'm joking, but it sounds like it might not be a bad idea.

"No. That's not a good idea. Their island is bigger, but it's still pretty small. They'd wonder how we got there." He kisses my forehead and lets me go. "No. We're going to face this head on, like grown-ups. I'm not just going to mope around here and spiral down into depression. I don't have patients to worry about, and I don't have to deal with the council drama. It's as good a vacation as any, and I'm going to take it."

I can see why he has such control where blood is concerned. He confronts his memories with determination and an iron will. How much more difficult could blood be to handle?

He points toward the bedroom. "In the dresser, there are bathing suits of all shapes and sizes. Find one you can wear – we're going swimming."

"Carlisle, I really don't want to..."

"It's not about wanting to swim. It's about making some new memories." He points out at the beach and the ocean. "In about ten minutes, that's no longer going to be where Esme buried me in the sand. That's going to be where I took a pretty young woman, and tossed her into the ocean fully dressed because she didn't want to look for a bathing suit." He looks at me with a playfully menacing expression and I back into the room to change.

It doesn't take me long to find a suitable bathing suit, though the red bikini isn't what I'd have normally chosen for myself. I find Carlisle on the beach in baby blue flowered trunks, and I actually laugh. "You look like some California surfer dude."

"Funny you should mention it. Have you ever been surfing?" He points to the boards he must have found in the storage shed.

"Are you kidding me? You of all people should know how bad I'd hurt myself if I took up that particular sport." Even though I know I can't get hurt, I still look at the boards as if they could bite.

"I'm dead serious." He grins at his pun. "With the storm out there, the waves are looking pretty good. We're going to go out there and see how hard this is. I mean we've got balance, strength, and agility... and sharks can't eat us. What more do we need?"

"Have you ever done this?" I eye him suspiciously.

"Well... no, but if Jasper and Alice can do it... let's just say I'm not willing to be outdone." I want to stay right where I am, with my toes dug into the sand. Instead he grabs my hand and pulls me down to the water. "The tide's starting to come in. Let's go Bella, this should be fun!" He thrusts the board at me and doesn't give me a chance to back out.

The water is rough and churning near the beach, but as we swim out, the waves are coming in about three and four feet high. I ride the first one into shore on my stomach; too afraid to stand up. On my way back out I watch Carlisle make his first attempt and he wipes out so spectacularly it makes me laugh.

As he emerges from the water, dragging the board, I try to pretend I wasn't laughing. He splashes water in my face. "Let's see you do better, Arizona. It's not as easy as it looks."

I paddle out and wait for the right wave, trying to get my confidence up. When it comes, I time it as it breaks perfectly. I paddle along with it a few strokes and stand as it catches the board. It reminds me a bit of standing up in Dad's fishing boat. I use my arms to balance and I'm careful to bend my knees to compensate for the movement of the water beneath me. When the wave dissipates, I'm just a few yards from shore, and I step off into the shallow water.

Carlisle looks at me and shakes his head. "Is there nothing you don't do well?"

"You're kidding, right?" He must have forgotten that _I'm _not the one who did everything perfectly. That was Edward.

"I'm not kidding at all. Did you just see what you did?"

I gaze out over the waves. "It wasn't that difficult." His compliment makes me feel uncomfortable.

"That's what I mean. You make it look easy." He shakes the water out of his hair, and it falls back onto his forehead in a dark blond fringe.

"So I get one thing out of a million." I shrug.

He continues to stare. "You don't even realize how special you are. No wonder you want to end it all. Bella, you are an amazing..."

"Look! The waves are picking up." I cut him off and charge into the water. I ride another wave in to the shore, and watch him wipe out again. I want to accused him of doing it intentionally, except for the determined set of his jaw as we head back out. I straddle the surfboard as we wait.

"You're trying too hard. Don't be so stiff. You've got to relax and... behave as if any moment you could fall, and let your body absorb the movement of the board." I still remember how often I'd fallen before I was changed. It wasn't because I was stiff, it was because I was living inside my head so much I couldn't think about walking.

The next wave comes, and I easily catch it, and make it to the shore in time to see his next try. He stands for five seconds before his arms pinwheel frantically, and he falls. He comes out of the water to stand beside me.

"This shouldn't be so difficult! I can perform brain surgery for crying out loud, how hard can it be to stand on a floating board?"

"So, this proves it; the great Carlisle Cullen does _not_ walk on water!" I snicker at the incredulous look on his face.

"Oh you better be careful who you're taunting." He comes toward me with mock menace, and I run for the deeper water. He abandons his board, and mine slows me down until I make it to the deeper water and swim for it. I hear him splashing behind me, obviously not trying all that hard to catch me. I climb onto the board and feel safe for about two seconds before his hand on my ankle pulls me into the water.

He holds me underwater, not letting me reach the surface, no matter how I struggle. Then I remember what I am, and I almost laugh underwater. I don't need to reach the surface – I don't need to breathe. I stop struggling and stay calm until he lets go of my ankles. We hover in the water just looking at each other, and he smiles.

It hits me suddenly that I've been having _fun. _He sticks his tongue out at me, and I do the same, without even thinking. I swim for the surface and catch the surfboard. He bobs up on the other side of the board facing me.

"Looks like I'm not the only one who doesn't walk on water," he teases. An unexpected wave slaps us both in the face, and I laugh at his surprised look.

"Actually, I'm beginning to rethink my earlier statement. I think you _do _walk on water." I climb up and straddle the board. "Come on up, I'll give you a ride." Without hesitation, he climbs up and sits on the board in front of me. "When I say go, paddle like crazy, and then we'll stand up together."

I watch the incoming waves and as soon as one starts to form, I yell 'go!' We paddle, and when I stand, I help him up. "Bend your knees more and lean forward a little... turn a little sideways." With my hands on his hips, I guide him to a better form. I keep expecting to fall, but it doesn't happen. Not until he shouts 'we did it!' and turns to look at me. Our balance disappears, and we wobble, flail, and wipe out.

I fall with less grace than I did as a human, and I get scraped along the bottom as the wave pummels me. It's an amazing rush, since I can keep my eyes open, I don't need air, and I can't get hurt. I'm just rolling along when he grabs me and pulls me out.

"Are you okay?" He seems so worried. I come up laughing, and give him a 'what do _you_ think' look. "I'm sorry. There are so many times in my memory I've had to rescue you or put you back together – it's a habit." He glances briefly at the setting sun. "As much as I'd like to tackle another wave, I think I'd rather go inside now, and wait for daylight. I don't think I want to watch the sun set this time." He takes my hand and we walk back up the beach. We store the boards and head into the bungalow before the sun pulls it's slow disappearing act, leaving the sky painted in dark hued blues.

"So, now what do we do?" The place has spacious rooms, but there are only three.

"Whoever gets second shower gets to pick out the first movie." He nods at the DVD collection beneath the small flat screen TV. I consider the choice.

"I think I'll have to trust you on the movie. I really want a shower, but even more than that, I want out of this bathing suit." He looks like he wants to say something, but instead he turns to look through the movies.

My second shower of the day feels different. I feel like I'm actually alive. I can smell the shampoo and body wash, and even though I know Esme picked them out, I don't feel weird about it. Thinking about the woman she was, I know she'd want someone to enjoy the things she's left behind.

The memory takes me by surprise. She almost gave up her life when she lost her own son, and she did give up her life when I almost lost my daughter. The parallels almost drop me to my knees, and I lean against the tile and groan over her loss. The children always mattered so much to her. How could anyone have taken her life?

There's pounding on the door "Come on Bella, stop that! Don't make me come in there and pull you out of your gloom!" I don't even want to know how he knows what I'm doing and how I'm feeling. I hurry up and rinse my hair and get out. One good thing about being changed is I don't have to shave my legs. In fact the shower is only to wash away the salt water. I don't sweat or have body odor, since bacteria doesn't really survive in or on me.

I wrap in a towel and run a brush through my hair. My hair never falls out or breaks, but it can tangle. I forgot to bring in something to wear, and I step out into the bedroom, clutching the towel. He's waiting just a few feet from the bathroom door.

"Are you okay?" He sounds so concerned. I put my hand on his cheek and nod.

"It's just not fair. Why am I here and she's not?" He doesn't even ask questions, he just wraps me in his arms and holds me tight.

"Aw Bella, you can't let yourself think like that. You know if things were reversed, she'd say the same thing about you. We just have to learn to accept the way things are, and go on from here. Come on now, no crying." He kisses my forehead and holds me at arms length.

"Trust me, I'm not crying." I state flatly.

"I meant in here." He taps my chest, just above the towel. He angles his head to look me in the eyes. "Come on, you don't know how long we could be stuck here, and if you get me depressed, I just might start to sing old funeral dirges." His teasing makes me smile.

"I need to put something on. It's your turn... I mean for the shower."

"Okay. No sad thoughts while I'm out?"

"I can't promise anything."

"You have been warned." He backs away, clears his throat dramatically, and starts singing "_Swing Low Sweet Chariot_" at the top of his lungs. It's so bad, I know he's making a real effort to murder the song.

"Okay, I promise! I can't cover both ears or I'll lose my towel."

He doesn't stop, and I burst out laughing when he makes up new lyrics. "I looked over Georgia and what did I see? Coming for to scarey me home. A band of rednecks coming after me Coming for to bury me bones"

"Stop caterwauling and go take a shower!" I turn my back on him in search of clothes, and he laughs as he disappears into the bathroom. I wait until I hear the water running before I relinquish my towel, since there's no private place to change. It shames me when I think that he's already seen me naked. Just since this morning I now care about that.

I take a mental inventory: I care about my modesty, I can still laugh, I can now surf, I don't have to think about Edward every moment, and I'm a grandma again. I smile at that last one. Ness has a baby boy. She's such a good mother for one so young. I really have missed a lot – I've only seen Sarah a couple times since she was born, and she's now two. I suddenly find I want to go back and see them. I'm ready to go home.


	7. Chapter 7 Movie Night

Chapter 7

Movie Night

I've found a tropical printed sundress to wear, and I'm just brushing my hair in the mirror when he comes out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist. He's more covered than he was in his swim trunks, and he's just as wet. But there's something about that towel that just seems more personal – intimate somehow. I catch myself staring, and turn away, feeling suddenly shy. Unconcerned, he moves about the room, gathering up clothes to wear, then he disappears back into the bathroom.

I hurry into the main room, anxious to avoid another moment like that one. He's rearranged the furniture so the small couch is sitting in front of the TV at the ideal distance for movie watching. The heavy coffee table is in front of it, and since we can't have drinks or snacks, I have to assume it's for a foot rest.

I hear him come out of the bathroom, and he's singing. His voice is actually nice, but his song choice makes me giggle. "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head," seems oddly appropriate when he gets to the part that goes; '...that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turning red. Crying's not for me.'

When he comes into the room, he's wearing a soft pair of black knit cotton pants, and an old gray T-shirt from Harold's Crab Shack. I've never heard of the place, but if it's as old as the shirt, it may be long gone by now. I've never seen him look so casual, and maybe I stare just a little too long. He sits on the couch and collects the remote as he props his bare feet on the table. He's all man in that pose.

"Tonight, it's a Mel Brooks marathon!" I stand, transfixed in shock, and he looks up at me with concern.

"I _trusted _you, and this is how you repay me!" It takes us both a second to realize I'm teasing.

"What? You've got a problem with Blazing Saddles and Young Frankenstein? They're classics."

I roll my eyes. "Don't you have anything less juvenile?" I walk over to the storage unit and glance at the selection. I'm surprised at the number of guy movies accumulated in the small space. Three Stooges, Abbot and Costello, Leslie Nielson, Rambo, Terminator, Alien, Predator, and of course every vampire movie ever made it seems. There are war movies galore, and horror movies with all their sequels. The closest thing to a chick flick is Titanic.

"Okay, maybe the operative word isn't juvenile – it's testosterone. I don't get it, how did such a romantic place end up with such an unromantic video collection?"

"Oh that's easy. You girls pack up clothes, shoes, towels, lingerie, scented soaps, and romance novels. The guys come with video games, movies, and a couple changes of underwear." He indicates his shirt with a smile. "I'm not kidding." He flips his hair out of his eyes with a toss of his head. Do you want to watch the movie, or do you have a better idea?"

"Just give me a couple minutes and I'll watch. I'm just glad you don't have "Dracula, Dead and Loving It."

"Thanks for reminding me, I'll add it to the list. What are you doing in the kitchen?" I find what I'm looking for, and set the microwave.

"I'm making popcorn." It's quiet, then I hear the familiar popping sounds.

"Um... Bella, you do realize we can't eat popcorn."

"Sure I can, it just won't stay down." The microwave beeps and I take out the bag. "But that's not why I made it. Your caretakers stock the place for visits, and I'm sure it baffles them that the groceries are never touched. I'm going to feed the popcorn to the birds tomorrow." I open the bag as I walk in and sit down. "But right now, I'm going to enjoy the smell. Go ahead and start the movie." The smell of the popcorn reminds me of movie nights with Edward and Nessie. She liked popcorn, and the smell would linger in the cabin for days after she made it.

I set the bag down on the table. "Movie nights with Edward and Nessie..." I don't have to say more. He reaches out and takes my hand. "I'm okay. Those are some really good memories."

"You'd never guess it, but Esme liked martial arts movies. She really got into Jackie Chan, Jet Li, and of course Bruce Lee. She used to joke that I'd be her perfect man if I was just a little more Asian." I giggle at the idea of Carlisle in a martial arts movie.

"Nessie likes the classic Disney animated movies. She grew up so fast, but she just didn't get enough of them. Her favorite is Pocahontas, and she's also fond of Tarzan. She didn't care for all the princesses, except for Ariel. She said she understood her communicating without a voice. We used to have to watch one of her movies until she fell asleep, then we could watch something more adult. Edward liked..." I have to laugh at his strange movie tastes. "...he liked anything with music or dancing. His absolute favorite was Amadeus."

"I know." He squeezes my hand and looks over at me. "I bought him his first copy, and he wore it out. Every time they recorded a musical, he had to have it. But we also had the chance to see a lot of them when they were in the theaters. He adored Phantom of the Opera, and he learned to play the entire musical score. He was brilliant."

I let go of his hand, and put my arm around him instead. Without a word, he does the same, and pulls me close. I rest my head on his shoulder. I feel him chuckle at a funny part in the movie, as his hand rubs my arm.

"Emmett loved this movie. You know out of us all, I think he embraced what he was more than any of us. His movie choices kind of reflect his dual nature. He loved the comedies of course. But the Rambo and Predator movies are also his. He was the ultimate hunter. He loved being at the top of the food chain, and if it weren't for Rosalie, he would have been a red eyes all the way." He laughs again at the movie before continuing.

"I did everything I could to encourage his joking and sense of humor. It was the one thing that kept him in touch with his humanity – well that and Rosalie. You know, I was never sure she was entirely happy with him. I sometimes wonder if she didn't stay with him just to keep him from running off and joining the Volturi Guard."

"She almost died trying to save him. Happy or not, she mourned him deeply."

"I never doubted she_ loved _him. I just don't think she was as happy with him as she expected. One of the sayings of her time was, 'you made you bed, now lie in it.' I think Rosalie did exactly what she was expected to do."

"That doesn't make any sense. How can you love someone, and not be happy and want to be with them?"

He sighs. "Some people are easy to love, and others are... a little more difficult. I knew Rosalie before she brought Emmett home, and she was different. I think with Emmett she had to mother him as much as she was his partner."

I have to laugh at his perception. "Yeah, I think you're right. As much as she wanted children, I don't think she wanted to be a mother to an adult."

"She was often the one who had to keep him in line. He sometimes referred to her as his ball and chain, and she was often the butt of his jokes. She learned to give as good as she got, but she wasn't always so hard and abrasive. He was very physically passionate with her, but I think there was always a part of her that wanted to be... cherished. I'm not sure Emmett ever understood that." The movie finishes up, and he uses the remote to shut it off. I pull my feet up, feeling relaxed and comfortable beside him.

I enjoy the sound of his voice as he talks. "You're right. I probably should update the movie choices we have here. Sometimes the hardest thing to do among our kind, is not to be defined by our era. It's why I've always wanted to live and work among humans. It keeps me from stagnating and getting stuck. The Volturi didn't do that, and even their very thoughts became outdated."

"How do you not hate them? I can't even say the word without feeling like I just want to scream."

"Hate is a wasted emotion. There's always something under it that drives it; whether it's frustration, sadness, or fear, it's what fuels the fire. I'm very saddened by what happened, but I remember them in their glory days. I remember Marcus when he was a happy man. Caius was always a bit pompous, but he was passionate about the law. And Aro... he would have made a good match for Alice back then. He loved being involved with everyone. He was such a social individual, he would throw a party every chance he could. He actually wore gloves to keep from unintentionally reading people back then. Volterra was the place we all wanted to be."

"I think I'll just have to take your word on that."

"It's changed even from what you remember, Bella. Heidi died several years before our war. She refused to lure prey for the hybrids, and Joham killed her himself to set an example. I think her ability to lure people canceled out his charm enough that she could resist him. The vampires of Volterra were expected to hunt for themselves once she was gone. And the hybrids... they feasted in Volterra proper."

His words make me gasp. I remember the crowds of people who would converge on that city, and the thought of them being murdered so freely sends a chill down my spine.

He pats my arm reassuringly. "I actually think that was one of the good decisions Joham made. I mean making the vampires hunt on their own. It got them out of the city and forced them to see the world a bit more. I actually ran into two more on my visit who feed on animals now – they couldn't stand to hunt on their own."

"But the hybrids..." My voice sounds shrill, and he laughs at my shock.

"The hybrids are less a danger than you think. You know Ness has control of her urges, as well as the ability to eat human food. Well, it turns out she's not alone. They don't go into a frenzy, and they can leave a victim alive. Joham decreed that while in Volterra they are not permitted to kill. He wanted his army to be able to live undetected among humans. There are a couple with talents that allowed them to bleed people, and then release them with no memory. It's really a fascinating system they came up with."

"I can't believe you left this system in place."

He looks at me in shock. "Of course we didn't leave this system in place. I'm not a monster! What I'm trying to tell you, is that Volterra isn't what you remember. The robes are gone. The guard has changed. There are a lot of vampires still mourning the deaths of their mates and their friends. There are dozens of hybrids, and when we got there, there were many pregnant women who were about to give birth. We lost some, and we changed the others. I made them promise to consume an animal diet if I changed them."

It's my turn to stare. "Dozens of hybrids... that doesn't seem possible. I know how difficult it was being pregnant with Nessie. I can't imagine so many others did it, and they didn't have their own private doctor to help them." I smile up at his concerned face.

His voice is soft, and I can feel the tension in his body. "Bella, they weren't saving the mothers. These were runaways, drug addicts, and abducted tourists, who were kidnapped and raped, then chained up in a room until their babies tore free of them. These children are not just blood drinkers, they're carnivorous predators, and their own mothers furnished their first meals." He's so angry, even his voice sounds rough and dangerous. He springs from the couch and begins pacing in agitation.

"I've seen the Spanish flu epidemic kill more people than World War One. I've seen ebola outbreaks in Africa. I've seen orphanages where children sit in beds neglected all day long. But I've never seen anything that horrified me as much as what we found in Volterra. The newborn hybrids were locked in the room after their birth, and forced to cannibalize their own dead or dying birth mothers."

An image comes to my mind of an old movie I'd seen when I was a kid. "It's Alive," was about monster babies with teeth and superhuman strength. I'd laughed at the campy show when I watched it, but what he describes sounds like it was scripted in Hollywood. The magnitude of the horror escapes me, until I think of my daughter, and imagine her going through something like that.

"My god – those poor children!"

"Those poor _mothers._ It was senseless! The trauma was on such a wide scale, even Jasper couldn't do much with them at first. One of the first things the new council did was to force the fathers to claim their children and take some responsibility for them. But you wouldn't believe how messed up these kids are."

"Yes I would. Nessie remembers almost everything about her first hours. She doesn't remember that I died, but she remembers that I wasn't there to hold her. She remembers Auntie Rosalie took care of her and loved her right away. She remembers her daddy's protective arms around her." I look up at him. "Why would the older ones allow it? They would know their memories were intact."

"Joham wanted to make them into an army – an army with no remorse. He started their training from birth. Like I told you, it's going to take years to straighten out the mess left in Volterra."

"You said some of them had talents. Are they like Nessie?" I stand up and go to him, since he seems so overwhelmed with the horror as he tells the story.

"A surprising number of them have special abilities. It seems they are either venomous or they have a special talent. And it doesn't matter if it's a boy or girl like we thought." He looks upset and begins to pace again. I catch him and try to calm him.

"What is it? What else did you learn?"

He looks at me, as if he would spare me the knowledge. "Joham had a lot of time. In the ten years that passed, he experimented on his own daughters. He discovered that the female hybrid can mate with human, hybrid and vampire alike. He didn't have access to the shape shifters or I'm sure he would have tested them too." He wraps his arms around me, holding me tight before relaxing his grip so he can meet my eyes.

"He believed that the best combination was produced by a hybrid mother, and a vampire father. In Alice's vision, she saw his ultimate desire was for Renesmee. When they came and attacked your command group, they weren't coming to kill her, they were coming to _take _her. Joham wanted her for himself. He thought that with Nessie, he could breed telepaths with his mind control. If we had lost, he would have bred her as often as physically possible. That's once every month or two from what I've seen in Volterra. The hybrids live through the pregnancy and birth."

I feel dizzy and sick, even though it's not possible anymore. The thought of my precious daughter in the hands of that monster; being forced to bear his intimate attention and his children, makes it hard to breathe. A sound of anguish escapes me, and I cling to him in my misery. It takes a while until I can relax my hold.

He looks into my eyes. "Edward knew this was his goal. You couldn't have hidden from Joham, he would have hunted you, to get to her. It's the reason he put himself in harms way with the rest of the Volturi. He wanted to be as close to Nessie as possible. He also wanted to make sure Jacob died. Alice's vision was strong, because Joham was so thoroughly committed to his goal. Almost everything that happened that day was so he could have Renesmee. He knew there was no way in hell any of us would let him take her. And so he engineered the war."

I didn't know it was possible to hurt any more, but I'm wrong. I feel such sharp pain at the thought that so much death and loss happened because of the vision of one madman. So many died that day, ultimately to protect my daughter. I feel overwhelmed with fresh grief for those who gave their lives that day. But more than anything I feel such sorrow over Edward, who selflessly traded his life for hers. He didn't just know he would die, he knew he had to save her. I have to believe that if the Romanians hadn't taken Joham down, Edward would have killed him with his own hands.

"Bella, are you okay?" He's holding me tight, but until he speaks, I don't even realize he's there.

"I don't even know what to say. Why Nessie? No one even knew about her telepathy, except Jacob."

"Nahuel knew. They're friends, and they kept in touch through emails. As far as she was concerned, he was the only one like her that she could talk to. When Joham controlled Volterra, he sent for Nahuel and Huilen. Nahuel was so angered by his father's treatment of the hybrid mothers, he openly criticized him. He told him it didn't have to be so brutal, and that the women didn't have to die. Nahuel didn't mean to disclose the facts about you and Renesmee, but he was trying to change his father's mind."

Another piece of the puzzle drops into place. "That's why he didn't come when we called. Was he on their side?" I feel sick at the thought of Nessie's friend turning against her.

"No. Joham tried to force Nahuel to lure Nessie to Volterra. He refused. Joham's power doesn't work on his own children. Nahuel was locked up in the cells under the Volterra compound. Joham wouldn't kill one of his own, but he was fine with torturing him. Nahuel was given human food and water to keep him alive. But Huilen was given nothing. They put her in the cell with Nahuel, and it was his blood that kept her alive. When we got them out, they'd been locked up for two years."

"That still doesn't explain how he knew about Nessie's improved ability. All he knew she could do was send an image through touch."

"They had his laptop computer. Once they broke the code, they had access to the emails she sent him. She'd been practicing sending her thoughts and images for quite some time, and she told him of her successes. It was all Joham needed to know. He knew you were a shield, and Edward was a mind reader. He saw Renesmee's ability as a reflection of your two gifts, and he was eager to combine his gift with hers. He was hoping to create the perfect supernatural killer."

I pull away from him, and it's all I can do not to scream. I feel like something worse than sand is choking me. "This is too much!" If Joham wasn't already dead, I'd have a lifelong goal to make him so.

Carlisle gathers me into his arms again, trying to soothe me. I just feel cold and wrung out, like I haven't got anything left.

"I hate them, Carlisle. I hate them all. How could they have let this happen? Why didn't someone stop him? If the laws were to protect us, then why weren't we protected? How did he get so much power among the most powerful?" Nothing makes sense. In fact it makes even less sense than it did two years ago when we thought they were coming as part of some great power play. That one man did this to us to get to my daughter – it's too personal.

He doesn't say a word, he just holds me. I don't know how long my mind flounders in the abyss, but throughout I'm held safely in his arms. It's like he's an anchor in a hurricane that keeps me from being swept away.

Dry eyed I find myself with my head pressed against his shoulder, clutching tightly to the back of his softly faded T-shirt. His hand smooths over my hair repeatedly as the cadence of his semi-intelligible words calms me. I almost hate to pull away, for fear of losing the tenuous connection to sanity.

"I don't think I'll ever understand why, Carlisle."

"You can't understand madness. Joham was our world's Hitler. He wanted to be the father of a new and perfect species. He wanted to subjugate the world."

"And to do that he needed my tiny little piece of happiness?" His arms tighten around me.

"I know there's little comfort in knowing you're not alone. But happiness isn't finite. You..._ we_ need to stop thinking about this. You're backsliding, and it's not helping me much either."

I look up at him feeling strangely guilty. "Sorry. What should I be thinking about?"

"How about a name for your grandson?" His words startle me. Every time I let myself think about Ness and her new baby, I have such mixed feelings. I'm so happy for them, but it feels like an alien emotion for me.

"I'm not the one who gets to name him. She just wants to know if she should name him Edward." I look up at him and smile wistfully. "I don't think she should."

"Is it too painful a reminder?" His hands have begun rubbing my back and combing gently through my hair.

"No... " I meet his eyes. "This is going to sound terrible, but I never liked the name Edward. I loved _him, _and he just never could be a Ned, Ed, or Eddie. But every Edward I ever knew of was old, disgusting, or dead. There were so many times I wished I could call him Anthony, even though it was his middle name. Maybe she could use Edward as a middle name?"

"Jacob wants to use Embry as his middle name."

"Why? I mean I know Embry was his friend, and he was one of those who died in the war. But so did a lot of his other friends."

He sighs and releases me. "This has to go under the heading of one of those things that you've missed. The Quileutes suffered a lot of losses that day. They went back home with less than half their numbers, and the tribe was in mourning for quite some time. Billy was devastated to learn that Embry didn't make it. After a few weeks of seeing his father behaving so oddly, Jacob confronted him about it. Billy finally confessed that he was Embry's father."

"Oh my god! Nessie never told me. It must have been so hard for Jacob to find out his best friend was his brother."

"It's still a bit of a secret within the tribe. You didn't give her much of a chance to tell you in person, and it's not exactly the kind of thing you want to share in an email. According to Billy, he knew his mother for one weekend when her tribe hosted the Quileute council to get advice for improving the strength of their own tribe. The way he tells it, there were ancient rituals with drinking and smoking, and he woke up in her bed."

"He's going for the peace pipe defense?" I snicker in spite of myself.

"It's not so far-fetched. A lot of those Native American tribal traditions involve smoking herbs, eating mushrooms, and drinking. What might sound like recreational drug use to you and me, is sacred tradition to them. Anyway, when Embry's mother showed up with her little surprise, Billy didn't want to acknowledge that he was the father. He had a wife, two daughters, and a son, as well as his place in tribal leadership. He discretely helped them out financially, and everyone kept it quiet.

"After the accident that killed his wife and paralyzed him, he couldn't bring himself to become a burden to his other son. Embry and his mother could receive financial assistance without him, but his own medical bills barely left him and Jacob enough to survive. His daughters had to work their way through college without any help."

Just remembering the widespread poverty of the Quileute's, makes me almost embarrassed to be standing on a private island in Paradise.

"So the secret's out, and the baby will have Embry as a middle name to honor Jacob's brother. That sounds perfect to me. It also means they can't name the baby Edward – that's just too many E's in one name."

"Nessie really wants to honor her father with the baby's name. If it's not Edward, and it's not Scooby-Doo..." He chuckles. "...then what do you suggest?"

"How should I know? I always kind of liked Anthony. She could even use Cullen as his first name... or even Masen. Naming babies is something I used to be into, but now it feels like it's part of another life. I can't understand why she wants my two cents, especially after I gave her a name too perfect for a sea monster nickname."

He laughs at that. "I like the idea of using his last name – I mean Masen. I'm afraid there are still some Quileutes who would resent a child named Cullen, especially after the war."

I can't help but feel saddened by that statement. Of course the Quileutes would blame the Cullens for all their losses. I'm sure they see it as a betrayal, that they went to help fight the vampires and took so many losses. Sadly most of their losses were among the younger wolves, as they hadn't fought the newborns before. The name Cullen should be associated with peace, friendship and our alliance, but now it's a reminder of death and loss.

"I think that would be nice, especially after you told me so much about his mother – I mean his human mother." I feel sorry for slighting Esme, but he doesn't seem to mind.

"You do know Esme never did think of Edward as her child." He leads me back to the couch and we sit side by side in companionable closeness. "He was younger than she was, but he was more experienced as a vampire. He'd already sown his wild oats so to speak, and she almost looked up to him in some ways. He came back not long before we left, and he was so upset by all the deaths he'd caused. I never asked how many he'd killed – I'm sure it wasn't the numbers that made him regret what he'd done.

"When he came back he wasn't even sure he'd be welcome. He knew I was aware of what he'd been doing, and he was worried I would turn him away. He knew how I felt about killing, but he really didn't know of my time in Volterra, where I'd seen killing on a massive scale. I'd kept that part of my life hidden for quite some time. It was too painful to think about all I'd lost there."

He stops talking, and he leans his head against mine. "He was afraid I would hate him as much as he hated himself. It took him many years before he would talk about what changed him and made him come to a better understanding of right and wrong. All I knew was that I loved him, and I was happy to have him back."

"It seems funny to hear you say that... I mean I would think you would have wanted to have time alone to spend with Esme, all things considered."

His laugh is soft in the quiet of the room. "Esme kept me from being lonely, that's for sure. I was falling in love with her. But I already loved Edward very deeply." He sighs and shifts a little on the couch. "It wasn't sexual in nature if that's what you're thinking. I just loved him as a person – very much. I've been around long enough to learn that it's best not to assign limitations and roles to love. You treat it like a gift, or a blessing, and you cherish it any way you find it."

"I'm sorry. I guess I thought that since I was married to him, our love mattered more somehow. For so long I couldn't imagine anyone else could feel like I did. You must miss him very much."

"I think all of creation misses Edward. The world is a smaller, darker place without him in it. There are some times when I just can't stand the thought that he's gone. It truly tears at at the center of my being. He was the first one I ever changed, and I feel responsible for him. Except not like a child, but like he was a part of me."

"Yes... " I breathe. "...you do understand." I feel oddly comforted knowing that he feels my loss just as deeply.

"Bella..." He slides his arm around me and snugs me against his side. "...just because I understand all we've lost, doesn't mean I'm going to allow you to stay in a pit of suffering."

"I don't understand why it matters...I mean why do you care?" I don't expect his answer.

"I don't just care, I love you Bella."


	8. Chapter 8 Emotional Abuse

Chapter 8

Emotional Abuse

His words suck the air from my lungs and I scramble away from him. I'm on my feet, angrily facing him, and I'm overwhelmed with feelings of shock and hurt that border on betrayal.

"That's sick! You're my father-in-law for godsakes!" He groans and rubs his hands over his face before his fingers comb through his hair, pushing it back from his eyes.

"Bella... " He looks at me as if he's angry. "Damn! That's not what I mean..." He stands and comes my way in one quick, fluid move, but I back away from him. I feel so shocked at how things have turned out.

"How could you say all those things about him, and then come on to me? I'm not like that. I don't know what you expect from me, but just because I'm alone with you doesn't mean I'm going to..." I run out of words before I run out of thoughts, and I imagine for just a second what he might have expected from me. Human Bella would have blushed bright red, but I can only glare in confusion.

We stare at each other for long moments, from opposite ends of the coffee table. "Are you finished yet Bella?" He rolls his eyes and shakes his head. "You've misunderstood me." He's not shouting, in fact his calm is like a counterpoint to my agitation. "I'm not making a pass at you, Bella. When I say I love you, it has nothing to do with having sex with you. It has nothing to do with being your father-in-law either." He releases a deep breath, and his shoulders sag.

"You do realize those are just roles we played, right? I tried to tell you Esme never thought of Edward as a child, and neither did I. Ultimately I was the one in charge of our family – and we were...we _are_ a family – not a coven. But we're not a _human_ family, and mother, father, sister, brother, and in-laws are all just roles we played to blend in with human society. I thought you understood that. We're all adults, and we're equals. "

I'm sure that logic worked for him. But I married Edward, and we had a child, and we lived as a family, just like humans. They were more than roles to me.

"Bella, I do love you. I loved Edward, and Emmett, and... I adored Esme. I love Alice, Jasper, and Rosalie too. We shared our lives, all of us, and I couldn't do that without loving you. I don't mean that lightly. You are all written on who I am. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you; I would kill for you, and I would die for you." He looks so earnest, I feel my anger and anxiety drain out of me.

"We didn't hold our family together with imaginary roles, we held it together with love. That's why when other vampires can't stand to be in the same city with each other without gearing up for a war, we can live under the same roof."

I feel a little silly for my outburst. "So, you love me the same as Alice and Jasper?"

"Of course not." His smile makes me feel like I'm missing something. "I couldn't love you like Alice, because you're Bella." He closes the distance between us, and reaches out to touch my face, letting the back of his hand caress my cheek.

"I remember you as a human, Bella. I first saw you when you were in the hospital, and Edward was already infatuated with you. I started to see you through his eyes almost immediately. He'd been alone for so long... it was almost too much to hope that he might have found someone to put an end to that." His eyes have that faraway look of remembrance.

"I thought you all_ loved _each other – why would he be lonely?" I'm not successful at keeping the sarcasm out of my voice.

He smiles. "Now you're being deliberately obtuse. Edward had never had a loving and intimate relationship. I could love him enough to lay down my life for him. But when he needed physical comfort and companionship, that obviously wasn't going to be me. The rest of us were lucky in that we each had someone within our family we could connect with on that personal and intimate level. Up until he met you, Edward had never shared that bond." He sighs and slides his fingers through his hair.

"Ah Bella, you were so painfully human, and so very very young. I worried about Edward when he showed interest in you. And he also told me that you were his..."

"Yeah I know, I was his singer." I don't use the Italian phrase, even though I know it.

He laughs. "That's such a stupid way to put it. It makes it sound romantic or as if fate has created the perfect human food and we have no choice but to consume them. When Edward told me this, I was adamant that he resist you. I told him it was not inevitable that he feed on you. I told him that you were his perfect opportunity to prove once and for all that his vampire nature did not control him."

"Do you know how bad that could have backfired? I was a total klutz." He smiles at my incredulous look.

"I knew Edward. Ever since he'd fed on humans, he'd been looking for some way to redeem himself – some way to prove he was redeemable. You gave him that opportunity. He wasn't going to mess that up, no matter how good you might taste or smell. Once he drew that conclusion, you were as safe with him as you would be in your mother's arms – only more. When he saved you from getting hit by the van at your school, I knew he would never feed on you. _He _just needed to learn it." I gape at him. I never knew he had so much to do with the way Edward treated me.

"Did his 'infatuation' with me start because of my blood?" I'd never asked Edward these things. In some ways I really didn't want to know what first drew him to me.

"No. Your blood actually made it more difficult for him to see you as a young woman. It may not be fair to say it, but it was your shield that drew him. It was your complete mental silence."

"I thought so. He told me how hard it was to live with so many minds blaring at him all the time. I'm sure I was a quiet respite..."

"Not really. I mean maybe just a little, but I think you're missing the truth. Edward knew how to deal with all the minds, long before he met you. What I meant was, it drew him that he couldn't _read_ you. Every other girl he met had thoughts that were as transparent as glass. He didn't have to get to know them. He didn't have to listen or learn their cues. It's a powerful ability to know what someone thinks of you when you first meet them. He'd never found anyone he wanted to take a chance on, because he knew them so intimately before he even said hello."

It makes sense. But I can still remember when he told me he couldn't read my mind, and I thought it meant I was somehow deformed. "So, if he could have read my mind, he would have passed me by without a second glance."

Carlisle laughs and shakes his head. "Bella, do you ever look at yourself objectively? I remember the first time he talked to me about you, he was just overflowing with images and questions and excitement. He was worried about your scent..." He smiles at the thought. "... he called you 'mouthwatering.' He was overwhelmed with the thoughts of you he read in everyone else's mind. Within a week you were the most coveted young woman in Forks High. He loved the glimpses of you he read in everyone's thoughts. You weren't just different in that he couldn't read you, you were different in your behavior. You were shy, demure, unpretentious, and selfless. You were the opposite of so many girls your age."

"I was a doormat with low self-esteem – he found that attractive?" He laughs, then carefully puts his arms around me. I don't feel comfortable enough to relax.

"I'll grant you the low self-esteem. Bella, you have always been a beautiful, charming, sweet, compassionate, discerning, young woman. Edward couldn't resist your qualities, and I'm so glad you were everything he told us you were."

"If I was all that, then why did all of you leave me?" It's a question I always wanted to ask but I was too afraid. It wasn't just that Edward left me in some crazy effort to protect me and give me a normal life I never asked for, but he took them all with him. And they went.

His arms drop away from me as he sighs. "That was probably one of the biggest mistakes we ever made." He begins to pace, and he absently shoves his fingers through his hair. "When you cut yourself and Jasper tried to attack you... it scared us all. Edward's overreaction didn't help either. We talked about ways to make sure it didn't happen again.

"Jasper felt terrible that he lost control so easily, but it really wasn't his fault. We wouldn't have had him go to high school if we thought he had so little control. But in our home, and with his family he relaxed his guard. Edward never did. When he was with you, controlling his thirst was always on his mind. Especially after the incident in Arizona..."

"That's another question; why did you want Edward to suck out the venom, when you have better control?"

"I can't believe it's taken you so long to ask." He laughs briefly then smiles. "I quite possibly would have killed you. Don't get me wrong, I can resist the smell and the feel, and the presence of blood. I could bathe in it if I chose. But the _taste_... " He closes his eyes like he remembers something sublime. "Now that's another story. I've tasted human four times – and all four times I almost lost control and killed them. If I wasn't so attuned to a struggling heartbeat, I know I wouldn't be able to stop. I knew it was a risk for Edward to do it, but I could stop him much easier than I could stop myself."

He looks right at me and smiles. "You may have been Edward's singer, but you were almost as tempting to the rest of us as well. Once Edward had tasted your blood, it was even more difficult for him to resist you. He had such a strong will, but the taking of human lives all those years ago had increased the likelihood that he could slip. He knew that if I hadn't stopped him, he would have killed you in Arizona."

"I don't believe that. He just wouldn't..."

"Bella, you didn't see the look on his face – I did. If I hadn't had the authority over him, he would have fought to finish you. He didn't stop to save your life, he stopped because I commanded him to stop. And the worst thing is, he knew it."

He's pacing again. "We all tried to pretend that Arizona was a fluke – a once in a lifetime event. Not many humans are attacked by vampires and live to tell about it. But your birthday made it clear that you just weren't safe around us – all of us. Edward was trying so hard to control his desire for you, and it just telegraphed a message to Jasper about how tempting you really were. Jasper just didn't have the kind of control Edward had – maybe he never will. That little drop of blood was like the snapping of a rubber band pulled too tight. Edward's protectiveness put you in even more danger. Just like when he tried to protect you from James.

"I remember all that. But it was just an accident. I had accidents all the time."

"I know. That was part of the problem. We had to come up with a way to keep you safe, at least from us. Edward suggested he should leave, but then Emmett made a crack to Jasper about having you over for lunch the day after. He was just trying to be funny, but Edward saw that he would be leaving you in the presence of at least two dangerous vampires. He suggested that we all leave, and remove all temptation." He shrugs and shakes his head sadly.

"I still don't know why you all agreed. Alice was my best friend, Esme was like a mother to me, and you never would have hurt me. I was so lost and alone... I thought I was going crazy and I'd only imagined you existed in the first place. It was so sudden, and I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye, or disagree, or... anything." My memory isn't as clear when it comes to my human years, but those days are etched so deep I know I'll never forget.

"I felt like I'd been found undesirable and tossed side. I never felt so unloved and worthless in my whole life. My heart wasn't just broken, it felt like it was torn out. I wanted to die. I sat in my room for weeks, just hoping that I could waste away."

"Okay, I've heard enough, you can stop it now." He looks angry and I don't know why. "It was a mistake for us to leave you like that. But I'm well aware of how you grieve Bella, I don't need a rundown of how you moped around for months and walked the edge of suicide. You haven't changed all that much since you were eighteen. You're still willing to pin all your happiness on someone else. You still want to throw the worlds longest pity party just so you don't have to let go and move on. And for some reason you still want to believe you're nothing without Edward Cullen."

"I loved him Carlisle, don't you get it?" I hear my voice raise. "When he left me, it was so hard because he told me he didn't want me. He played on all my doubts and insecurities and made it seem like I wasn't good enough. He didn't just leave to protect me, he _broke _me. He left me in the woods like he didn't even care. Don't you see, he's been protecting me to death since the day we met!" All the pain of those days makes me shout.

"Why did everything have to be done_ his _way? Why didn't he just _tell _me? Why did he take the choice away from me? I mean you want to talk about patterns, he did the same thing to me two years ago that he did when I was eighteen." I feel more grief well up within me.

"I may not have been able to save him but maybe I could have said goodbye. Even up til the end he put protecting me above respecting me. I had a right to know, Carlisle. Why did he always fall back on treating me like a child?"

"It's what he knew. Bella, none of us are perfect. And no matter how long we live or how many new experiences we have, we are still just the sum of our experiences and memories. Edward was a nineteen-eighteen boy. Women weren't equals to men, and a real man was a provider and protector. Just because he lived through suffrage and women's liberation, doesn't mean he actually adopted the beliefs."

I feel emotionally wrung out, and I sit back down.

"Bella, you're the youngest of us. We are all much older than women's rights and equality between the sexes. When Edward suggested we leave in order to keep you safe, we went along with it. I really didn't know how he planned to handle it with you. I had my hands full with my patients. I thought the plan was to leave so you'd be safe, I didn't realize he also intended for you to forget him and move on. I would have warned him against that, since it's foolish to try to change or control other people. We shouldn't have gone like that. I'm sorry."

He sits next to me. "I don't think I've thanked you enough for saving him in Volterra. You truly showed what you were made of, to risk so much for someone who hurt you so badly."

"It didn't matter that he hurt me, I loved him."

"But it should matter. I mean I'm glad you didn't let him get himself killed, but you took him back after what he did. You didn't even make him explain or prove himself – he would have done that for you." He sighs and seems to deflate a little. "You know, for all the equality and rights women have these days, it surprises me how little they require of men."

"But I loved him, and I knew he loved me." I made the right choice, and I don't understand why he wants me to second guess it now.

"Bella, I know everything worked out for you. Edward was a good man, and he loved you very deeply. But love is not an excuse to let someone get away with hurting you." He sighs. "Maybe I'm not talking about Edward and you. But I see it so often in the hospital. I get at least one woman a week. They come in all bruised and bloodied, usually with a broken nose, or ribs. And then they try to tell me they fell down the stairs, when what it really looks like is that they've tangled with an angry gorilla. I recognize the signs of abuse almost before they open their mouths. " He looks over at me like his words should mean something to me.

"Bella, it's not their injuries I recognize, so much as their look. They look ashamed, and they act like they're not even worth the time it's going to take me to stitch up their cuts and set their broken bones. They've put all their self worth in the hands of someone who hurt them. Then when I confront them about telling the police they've been abused, so often they beg me not to make the report. They claim it was their own fault for pushing him too far. I have lost track of the number of sad little eyes that look up at me and plead... 'but I _love _him!'

"Edward never hurt me like that, Carlisle." I can't believe he's even suggesting that Edward is in the same universe as the men who batter their wives and girlfriends.

"I know that. But if he did, you would have taken it. You said yourself it felt like he ripped your heart out. How is that any better than a broken arm? Emotional abuse is still abuse. All I can say is it's a good thing Edward demanded more of himself, because _you _never did."

"Why do you want me to doubt him? He wasn't like that Carlisle."

"I'm not talking about Edward, I'm talking about _you. _You're still eighteen in the way you see yourself. You've got your whole self-worth tied up with him, and it's not right. You are more than Edward's widow and Renesmee's mother. Under all those labels, you're still Bella, and you need to realize Bella deserves to live and be treated with dignity. Bella is a pretty special young woman, even without Edward and Renesmee." His eyes blaze with an intensity that surprises me.

"Bella, I'm glad you have a connection to this world through Ness. But she's not enough to pin all your hopes on. Don't make her bear the responsibility for keeping you in this world. You need to see you have value in just being who you are. Edward saw that. In fact everyone around you can see it, but you."

"It wasn't enough to keep _you _from hitting me." I can hardly believe I've spoken the words out loud, but my small voice jolts him. With his elbows on his knees, he leans forward and holds his head in his hands. He's quiet for a long time.

"I've never done that before. Never." He doesn't look at me. "I wish I could say I knew it wouldn't hurt you, but I wasn't even thinking about that. I don't even know how to apologize, and I'm certainly not asking you to forgive me." His fingers furrow into his hair and clutch it in handfuls. He groans from somewhere deep inside him.

"Esme... Esme was abused." His voice is small and hesitant. "It started when she was young, and her parents applied their corporal punishment with a strong arm. They didn't spank, they whipped, and left welts behind. It was common in those days. When she married, the authority to beat her naturally transferred to her husband. She didn't stand up for herself, she learned to placate him. She did everything he expected of her, and she suffered the beatings in silence."

He looks at me and I can see the pain in his eyes. "She told me about some of the worst episodes, and I wonder that she survived as long as she did. When she became pregnant, she hid her condition as long as she could. Even in those days there were remedies to make a woman miscarry, and she knew he would force her to lose the baby. He didn't want her to get _fat_." He snarls at the word.

"When he found out, and it was too late to force a miscarriage, he beat the daylights out of her. He tried to destroy the baby within her, and she curled her body around it and took every kick and every blow without defending herself. He left her to die there and fled." I can feel his anger, like a fire deep inside him.

"Fortunately he didn't return to make sure he'd actually killed her. She recovered from her injuries, but the baby still came too early. He had landed a few kicks that twisted her uterus inside her. The birth was hard, and the midwife who came to deliver her baby did all she could. Her baby was just under four pounds, and she held him in her arms the whole day he lived. Of course you know if she could have had him in a hospital today, he would have been fine." It almost sounds like he blames himself.

"The midwife told her she probably shouldn't have any more babies because the next one would probably kill her. When her son died in her arms, she felt her whole reason for living died with him. She tucked him into his cradle as if he were sleeping.

"That part of Ohio doesn't really have cliffs, but strip mining started in nineteen fourteen, and her husband had worked at a site she knew. She took a horse and buggy to the top and set the horse free – she knew exactly what she was doing." He stops talking for a long while.

"I know she tried to kill herself." I say the words so he doesn't have to. It was one of those things she mentioned once, then never again. I feel so sorry for her.

"Not exactly. She didn't want to die, so much as she was trying to be with her son. She said she couldn't use a knife or a gun because they terrified her – her husband threatened her often with them. She was afraid poison would be too slow. She thought about hanging, but she didn't know how to tie a noose. She just knew she wanted to be in heaven with her baby." He looks over and his eyes lock onto mine.

"She told me she took a running leap into the pit. It was still a working mine, so they had pumps set up to keep the water out. She landed in a pile of loose gravel that broke enough of her fall, so she didn't die instantly. There were men working in the mine, so she knew she would be found quickly. She had a fear of being eaten by animals." His lips twist up at this.

"After she was changed, there was a lot more to healing Esme than just her body. She didn't trust me. In fact she probably trusted Edward more since he still looked like a boy. Every time I would move quick, she would flinch. If my voice raised, she would cower in fear. Even watching us hunt frightened her. We had to go separately, and I would watch over her from a distance." He's so caught up in his memories he doesn't really see me.

"A couple weeks after her change, she became convinced that her baby was still alive. She could swear she heard him crying in the night. She wouldn't be placated in any way, and finally we went in the night and dug up the baby's grave. It convinced her, and we left Ohio that week."

I try to put a comforting hand on his shoulder, but he pulls away. "I could never even think about hitting a woman. I've only hit one man in all my three hundred and fifty years. Bella, I am more sorry than you can imagine. I don't have an excuse, but just hearing you demand that I put an end to you... after everything I've seen, and after being so worried about you, I lost control. I don't ever lose control."

"You didn't really hurt me..."

"Yes I did." He interrupts. "I saw the look on your face. For just a second you were afraid, and you didn't trust me. That's not who I choose to be, and I cannot ever allow myself to lose control again." He stands and begins to pace again. This is a side of Carlisle I've never seen, tense and emotional.

"Is it so hard to control the impulse to hit me?" I know I should feel angry, but instead I feel... sad and bewildered.

He turns and stares at me in shock. "Oh god no! Bella. I... I never..." He rushes to sit beside me and hugs me tight. "No dear girl, no. I have never had the slightest impulse to strike you. You're precious to me." He pulls away to meet my eyes. "It wasn't your fault; _I'm_ the one to blame." He exhales loudly and his shoulders sag.

"It's been so hard these last two years. There's been so much needless death, pain, suffering, and sorrow. I've been working so hard to patch together some kind of peace, and keep all the different factions from splintering or trying to kill one another... " His eyes bore into mine.

"This island has always been a refuge to me. I guess I just didn't expect to find you here trying to starve yourself to death." He looks away and squeezes his eyes shut for a second. "I feel responsible for you. I knew you wanted to be left alone, but I feel like I let you down. You shouldn't have had so much time to drown in your grief. I've been fighting so hard for everyone else, and I neglected my own family."

"My sadness isn't your fault. You don't have to be responsible for me."

"I don't have to, I _want _to. What good is it to have family if they abandon you when you need them. I promised myself I would never do that to you again. I lost track of time. It just felt like everything had been piling up on me; the worry, the fear, the responsibility, and all the horrors of the past couple years. To see you so desperate to die, and expecting _me _to kill you... it was just too much. I'm sorry, I let my anger get the best of me. It won't ever happen again."

"I don't want to die." I say the words before I even think about them, but it's true. "Maybe yesterday I did, but not any more." I wish I knew what's changed, but I'm definitely glad I'm still around. He hugs me tight, and I put my arms around him and rest my head against his shoulder.

"I'm so glad to hear you say that." I feel him sigh.


	9. Chapter 9 Storm

Chapter 9

Storm

It's comforting being with him. He didn't ask me to forgive him, but I already have. We sit together, with our arms around each other, and it's soothing and healing in a way I never expected. He feels safe to me, and I lay my head against his shoulder and close my eyes. I listen to the sounds of the island – the surf and the wind blowing off the ocean. His hand begins to feel familiar on my arm. I concentrate on that feeling, and let go of all the worries and hurts of the recent revelations.

The crash brings us both up off the couch and we head for the door. The wind outside shrieks as we open the door to the storm which has picked up. The shed is being battered by the wind, and the crash was the door being torn open.

Carlisle is already there, wrestling the door closed and locking it. The wind is whipping the trees, and the surf is clawing at the beach with frothing waves. A tree in the distance gives way to the wind, and crashes into the island foliage. I feel my hair whipping around my face, and he takes my elbow to lead me back inside.

"It looks like it's going to get worse than we expected." He looks at me with concern in his eyes.

"It's just a storm, it's not like we have to worry about it ourselves." I remember the tropical storm from my first days on the island.

"This isn't just a storm. I think we're seeing the beginning of a hurricane, and it will likely get worse. It was supposed to pass the island, but it must have taken a different track." He paces and looks out the window. "We should be safe from the storm surge, unless it slows down and sticks around until high tide. But right now, that wind could be a problem."

Almost as if it hears him, a large tree branch crashes through the window into the family room. Carlisle hurries to clear the debris and in minutes there is just an opening where the window had been. The wind whirls inside the small house, knocking paintings from the walls and toppling lamps.

"Give me a hand with this!" We take the kitchen table, and hold it over the opening and brace it with the couch. He comes up with a handful of big nails and a hammer, and we ruin the table to save the rest of the house. I sweep up the glass, and even through the heavy table I can hear the storm battering the island. I move around the house, righting lamps and putting the pictures back on the walls. Carlisle is taping the remaining windows.

We again sit on the couch next to each other. I laugh when I hear a few glass shards crunch beneath me. "Just like me to sit on glass." I scoop up all the small fragments. "If I was still human, I'd be on the way to the hospital now."

"No, if you were still human, you'd be trying to convince everyone that you weren't hurt." He smiles at me. "You of all people make a better vampire than a human." He shakes his head.

I checked the couch for tears, glad that I haven't ruined the furniture.

"That's not good." Carlisle looks out the door at the calm outside.

"What do you mean? It looks like it's passed over us already." Even the wind has died down as I look outside.

"This isn't just a storm Bella, it's a hurricane. We're in the eye, and depending on how big it is, we're about to get slammed with the back side of it. The wind will blow the other direction, and the wall of the eye is the fiercest part of the storm. If we make it through that, we just have to hope that the storm surge doesn't flood us." He looks around, as if assessing what he wants to save from a flood.

"We're pretty high up on the beach, you don't really think the water will rise this much, do you?" It's hard for me to believe that the placid little cove where I swam with Edward, could rise high enough to flood the bungalow.

He laughs. "I can see you've never been through a hurricane. I've lived through the time when people couldn't travel fast enough to get out of the way of the storms. They couldn't predict them in advance, and by the time you knew about it, it was too late. Hurricanes used to kill a lot of people."

"But it can't kill _us_." I still don't understand what all the fuss is about.

"It can't kill us, but it can make it hard to leave if the pier washes away. The plane won't have a place to dock, and we'll have to swim out to meet it. And even if it can't kill _us, _It can affect a lot of people on the islands and the mainland. I'll be honest, if it gets bad and they need a doctor, I'll probably pitch in and help out."

"Maybe I could help too... I mean I'm not bothered by Nessie's blood, so maybe... "

He looks at me, as if assessing me somehow. "Maybe you could. There aren't very many of us who have that kind of control."

"Why didn't Esme have better control?" I remember my birthday when she'd had to leave the room. "I mean she'd never tasted human, right?"

"Esme... she hunted human once." He looks like he's ashamed of it. "It was early in our relationship, and she was still so damaged. We quarreled. I wanted more than she was ready to give. She told me I was being insensitive, and she left. She was gone for days, and I couldn't find her. When she came back, her eyes were red. She didn't want to tell me what happened, but I admitted I loved her no matter what, and she broke down and told me." He looks at me almost tortured, and I put my arm around him.

"She went looking for her husband. I still don't know if she went to reconcile with him, or if she had murder on her mind from the beginning. I like to think that she simply wanted to tie up any unfinished business between them. She told me she found him in a bar. He didn't recognize her, since he thought his wife was dead. She actually enticed him away from the bar before she confronted him and told him who she was. He made the mistake of trying to hit her. She claims she lost her temper, and she beat him quite severely. She told me his blood was irresistible, and she fed from him, and left him dead in an alley."

"My god, that's just like Rosalie!" I am stunned that the two women had so much in common.

"No, Rosalie didn't feed on her attackers. I found out later that Esme had warned her against it. That one slip made her vulnerable to taking human life again. It's why she couldn't be around you when you were bleeding."  
>"But you've tasted human too. Why doesn't it bother you?"<p>

"It does bother me. I told you I'm just as vulnerable to losing control if I taste the blood. But I had a couple hundred years to work on my control before Edward. At first it was mostly a religious conviction. I felt that as long as I didn't taste human blood, it meant that I wasn't a monster. I prayed a lot in those days, and of course I only fed on animals."

"Why did you become a doctor? I mean if you were a minister at first, what made you change?" It surprises me how little I actually know about him. He's had such a long life, and I've never thought to ask him before.

He smiles. "That happened quite by accident." He looks embarrassed. "You know that animals don't like us, right?" I nod. "Well, in my day there weren't many ways to travel that didn't involve animals in some way. I certainly couldn't ride a horse, and I stayed clear of wagons and coaches as well. But I was trying to be a gentleman once, and I helped a woman who was struggling with a trunk. I lifted and carried it for her, and she needed it loaded onto a wagon. I couldn't very well tell her no, so I hoisted it up onto the back of the wagon for her. The team of horses didn't seem to mind." He smiles, like he can still remember it.

"She was a pretty young woman, and she held her hand out for me to assist her as she got into the coach. There were already six other passengers on board, and it was going to be a tight fit with all her skirts and petticoats. As she was trying to make a spot for herself, the horses took notice of me. The coachman wasn't paying attention to the animals, and the one nearest me began to panic. Before the woman made it into the coach, it took off, with her hanging onto the door, and the team raced down the street."

He shrugs his shoulders. "I felt like I had to help, so I chased after the coach hoping that I could catch her before she was seriously hurt. To make a long story short, the coach picked up speed before the panicked team missed a curve and the whole thing overturned. They didn't stop, and the coach was dragged several hundred yards before I risked being seen and snapped the harnesses to free them." He looks grim as he remembers.

"The woman I'd tried to help was trapped under the coach, and I had to lift it off of her. The other passengers were dazed, but mostly unhurt. But she was in bad shape when I pulled her free. There was blood. Quite a lot of it in fact, and without even thinking, I set about bandaging her wounds with bandages I tore from her skirts. I had to set her leg bones, since they were poking out of her skin. I splinted the bones, and finished cleaning and binding her wounds before anyone came to help.

"I wish I could say I was a success right from the start, but even the best doctors practiced a primitive art back then. I had set her broken bones perfectly, and I'd even managed to stop the bleeding. But there was so much dirt in the wounds, infection set in. She ran a fever for days, and she almost died. When she finally pulled through, she had a lot of healing still to do, and she would have some serious scars to carry with her. But I decided I would learn as much as possible, so I'd be better prepared if I was ever needed again. Once I started learning, I found I loved it. It's amazing to be able to help people, to deliver babies, and save lives."

"I always thought you did it as a way to make up for being a monster."

He laughs. "I know Edward believed that." He looks serious for a second. "I might have once believed we were monsters – certainly while I was a human hunting them I did. But I refuse to see myself that way anymore. We're not human, I know that. But I'm not willing to give up my humanity – that part of me that keeps me humble. There are few choices once that's gone; either we embrace the monster, or aspire to be God."

"What about just being supernatural? I think that's what Edward did. He knew he wasn't human, and I think he mourned that part of himself. But he also didn't want to be a monster or a god either."

"Forget about what Edward did and thought. What does Bella think?" He looks at me so directly I almost turn away.

"I feel... like I've got too much time. I feel like I'm a parody of human. I fell like I was crazy to ever ask for immortality. But I'm not a monster, and I'm not a god either." I look at him, feeling completely open and honest. "I feel like... everything I ever was has been magnified and strengthened. But I don't know if I even _like _what or who I am. I'm so powerful and strong that I can't even die, but I'm also a mass of weakness, insecurity, doubt, pain, and _need._

"Physically I may be a perfect vampire. But I don't have anything left to hide behind now, and I'm not sure who Bella really is without the trappings – without my human frailty and clumsiness... without my youth and inexperience... without my human family... and definitely without Edward. I don't know who I am, Carlisle. It feels like every string that held me to my identity has been cut."

He pulls me tight against him. I cling to him, feeling mental tears as I mourn so many of my losses.

The roaring outside feels like my own soul crying, but soon I realize it's the storm. I've never known wind to blow so hard, and the table over the window shudders with the strength of it. I pull away from him and we stare at each other as the storm rages outside. It's as if I'm seeing him for the first time ever. He's spent the whole day with me, and I've gone from wishing for death, to fighting to set aside my grief. I feel a tenuous connection to life and hope, and I know it's because of him. He smiles wistfully and pushes the hair from my eyes.

"I think this is going to get really bad, Bella." At first I'm confused about what he means, but the wind rattles the door in it's frame and he lets me go, standing to check the security of the little house. "I can hear the walls straining with the wind." Once he mentions it, I hear it too. In the distance I hear trees falling, and I can hear the frenzy of the surf.

We get busy, rolling the decorative rugs and placing them out of reach of any water that might come this far. We then stack everything that could be damaged, and he switches off all but the one light so he doesn't have to go out and refill the generator. Still we're both caught off guard when the tree beside the house snaps in two and comes crashing through the kitchen roof. He has the presence of mind to turn off the generator, but all I can do is stare at the gaping hole and the fury of the storm.

"Help me with these, Bella!" He's pulling the paintings from the walls, and stacking them on the bed. I wonder that he isn't more concerned about the hole in the roof. "Please Bella, I can't lose these!" There's a note of panic in his voice, and I remember that Esme painted them – they are irreplaceable. I help him, even taking the one from the bathroom, then I also remove the shower curtain, thinking that it's water resistant. We carefully wrap them as the wind tears at the roof and widens the hole.

Everything inside the house is wet and being blown around while we accomplished our small task. Once they are wrapped, he sandwiches them between the mattresses of the bed. The flat screen TV falls from the wall with a crash, and two more windows blow in.

"We have to get out of here – _now!" _He doesn't wait, but takes my hand and pulls me through the door. We spill out into a maelstrom of flying debris and stinging rain, and I feel the wind trying to blow us out to sea. The little house is over-matched. As we watch the wind and rain batter against it, it sways, groans, and collapses.

I stand in shock. I've seen destruction before, but I just can't reconcile mine and Edward's honeymoon retreat, with the pile of rubble on the destroyed beach. I look at Carlisle, and he's even more stunned than I am. He stares at the place where we'd stored her paintings, and it's buried under the collapsed walls. He charges into the ruins, tossing aside beams and clay roof tiles in a frantic dig.

I step through the destruction and take him by the arm. "Just leave them, Carlisle!" I have to shout to be heard over the wind. He turns to stare at me as if I've suggested something insane. "The walls and roof debris will protect them. If you take them out now, they'll just get wet, or turn into sails in the wind." He finally nods at my reasoning. "Come on, let's go inland so the wind won't feel like it wants to sweep us out to sea."

He lets me lead him to the center of the island. The trees are still blowing horizontal, but the sound of the surf isn't so loud. We find where several trees have blown down, creating a wall of debris. We hunker down and take shelter on the side away from the wind. We're both wet and dirty, but the weather doesn't mean much to us. What's left us in shock is that it's gone – the house with so many of our romantic memories.

I put my arms around him to try to comfort him, but mostly because I need his strength. It takes him a while before he even realizes I'm with him. When he does he mumbles an apology, and enfolds me in his arms, tucking my head beneath his chin. We wait out the storm just like that, neither of us speaking or moving for hours.

The wind and rain die down as the predawn light shows us the devastation on the island. The trees left standing are angled in the direction of the wind, and the underbrush is littered with leaves and broken branches. We come out of our huddle and pick our way back to the beach. There are still some strong wind gusts remaining, but they're nowhere near storm strength.

As the sun rises, we get our first glimpse of what a hurricane can really do. The house and shed are both destroyed, and the beach is strewn with debris. Carlisle just stands looking at it all, incongruous in his casual pants and worn T-shirt. I'm not much better in my bedraggled sundress.

He walks around the flattened beach house and starts right to work, securing the fuel for the generator so it doesn't become a hazard. His next priority is uncovering Esme's paintings. With vampire strength, he tosses aside chunks of roof and walls where the bedroom used to be. I pitch in and help him, and I can almost see his relief when we uncover the bed and find her paintings just as we'd left them.

We carry them out with the same care we would living survivors of the disaster. In the shade of some tall shrubs, he unfolds the shower curtain to look at them. Some of the frames are cracked, but the paintings are unscathed. He takes the canvases from their frames and rolls them up together. He secures them in a sheltered area, then he sits down as if he hasn't got the strength to stand. With his knees drawn up and his head buried in his folded arms, he is the picture of defeat. I sit down beside him, but I'm almost afraid to speak or to touch him.

His voice is soft and resigned. "It's all gone now, Bella. Her dream – her tribute – all gone. I can't help but think there has to be a reason I was here to see it all end – what are the chances?" He looks at me and a twisted smile taunts his face. "All day yesterday I talked a good game. Get over it. Move on. Put it behind you. I thought there was something wrong with you, that you wanted to stay mired in your grief. I thought I was over it – over _her_. But today I'm not so sure. I feel like I failed her. I feel like I've lost her all over again. What is Esme Island if not a sanctuary? It was always the perfect reflection of what she was to me."

I put my arm around him tentatively. He feels stiff and he doesn't seem to register the touch. "You can't control the weather, Carlisle. You can't command the wind. You haven't failed her."

"But it's gone. It was our little piece of forever... it was supposed to be... _forever._"

"Forever changed on us, Carlisle. We didn't do anything wrong, but it's different now." I can't bring myself to give him back his own argument. I don't have the strength to pull us both out of the pit, even though I know I don't want to be there anymore myself. "I'm glad you were here."

"That's not a very nice thing to say, Bella. I know I was hard on you, but still..."

"That's not what I mean. If you hadn't shown up when you did, who knows where I'd be today. You brought me in off the beach, Carlisle. The storm would have taken me out with it's surge – and I would have let it. I don't think the tide would have brought me back in. How long would I have drifted on the oceans currents? Maybe I'd get tangled up in a seaweed forest, or maybe my hair would tangle me up in some coral. I might never have been found."

He looks at me like I'm spinning a fantastical fairy tale. "You do know, you'd snap out of it to feed, right?"

"I'm not so sure. It's been three months, and even though I smelled the pilot, I didn't awaken for him. Even though I smelled the blood as soon as you opened the container, I didn't get up for it either. If you hadn't poured it down my throat, I would have held on to my death state." He looks at me strangely.

"You smelled the pilot? Bella, you had sand in your nose, are you sure?"

"I heard his heart beating, I smelled his blood, and his Old Spice aftershave – yes I'm sure." He looks incredulous.

"If you have that kind of control, then you're better than I am. I told you I tried to lie at the bottom of the ocean. I only lasted a few weeks before I was feeding on sea creatures... come to think of it, you were right by the waters edge. You should have been compelled to go after water animals. The goats should have been irresistible. Didn't you feel the hunger?" He looks at me in awe.

"I felt it. I just wouldn't listen to it. Carlisle, I really did want to die. If you weren't here... " I look at him, trying to convey what I know to be true. "You saved me. Maybe you were on the island because I would have been lost otherwise. I'm really sorry about the house, but I'm glad you were here."

He throws his arms around me and hugs me tight. "I'm so sorry I wasn't here sooner. Bella, I had no idea you were so far gone." I hold onto him, glad to see he's pulled out of his guilt and defeat. "I'm so sorry my dear, sweet, girl." His hands smooth over my hair, and he pulls me closer. I feel his face against mine, and his breath against my neck. "I'm so glad I didn't lose you too," he murmurs against my neck.

It's only my vampire senses that let me feel the brush of his lips against the skin of my neck. I catch my breath. We turn and stare at each other... so close. His eyes are too intense, and I look at his face instead; his straight nose, his soft mouth, open to his shallow breathing, his chin. I meet his eyes again, and I close mine against their intensity.

I know what's going to happen – know it as surely as the tide knows the position of the moon. I'm not sure if I'm waiting in anticipation or dread, but I'm waiting. His lips press gently against mine, so soft, and gentle as the man behind them. I sigh. He holds me carefully, as if I would break, and his mouth moves on mine, a tender exploration. Eyes closed, I relax into him, and my hands move over his back. I feel the moisture of his lips, and know his tongue has licked them. They move over my closed lips, taking tiny little tasting kisses.

My hand finds it's way into his silky hair, and the way my fingers sift through it keeps him close. I give in, and my mouth responds to his. He softly moans, and my lips part. His tongue touches mine, just the slightest little exploration, and I come undone. I open to him and pull him to me, suddenly wanting to feel him, taste him, explore him.

I kiss him fully – _wantonly_. I'm fully alive, and I feel his lips sliding against mine, and his tongue tasting and teasing me. It's raw and passionate, and forbidden, and I take it all in greedily. I feast on his mouth, and clutch at his hair. I feel his arms holding me tight, as his hands move over my back and through my hair.

The deep moaning is his, and the soft little gasps and sighs are mine. The sea gulls cry in the distance, and the surf plays it's white noise endlessly against the sand. He shifts, and presses me back against the beach grass, with his weight resting gently on me. I arch against him and pull him close, renewing my exploration of his delicious mouth.

He pulls away, and my lips feel abandoned. "Look at me, Bella." His voice is soft and beguiling. I open my eyes and look at his serious face. The sun has set his hair to shining like a golden corona, and the sparkle of his skin I know matches my own. "I'm sorry if I took advantage..."

"Shh... I need to be alive now. I want you to kiss me, Carlisle. I mean, if you want to..." I gaze at his eyes as he leans down to kiss me. His hands caress both sides of my face as our lips meet, then my eyes drift closed. I lose track of time as we kiss, fully caught up in each other, as the sun warms our bodies and our hands touch and caress one another.

I know there are reasons this is wrong, and I know I should stop. But I feel such a strong aching need to be touched and kissed, and it just feels _right_. I open my eyes, and take in the sight of him as we kiss. It's Carlisle, with his surgeon's fingers combing through my hair, and his three hundred and fifty year old mouth exploring mine. I feel his tongue sliding against mine and my fingers tangle in his blonde hair like they have a will of their own.

I want him.

The very thought makes me gasp, and he moves again, edging more fully on top of me. His weight on me more than anything, lets me know how serious this is, and where it could lead. I like the feel of him against me, and his kisses are drawing me down that slippery slope in a way I wouldn't have believed possible.

I close my eyes and just let myself enjoy the moment. I know I'll have plenty of time to worry and regret later, but right now I'm lost in his kisses. I intentionally explore him with my hands, taking in the softness of his hair, before moving to his shoulders. I enjoy the feel of his muscles as his own hands caress over me. I move my hands down, over the soft worn T-shirt fabric, and rub his lower back. My fingers trace the furrow of muscles down his spine, to the curve at his waist. I rub circles in the small of his back, wanting to explore further, but I don't dare.

A small move of his hips grabs my attention. He's becoming aroused, and I can feel him through the thin clothes. I imagine what could happen as we kiss, and I let myself fantasize about making love to him. I picture our clothes off, and his hands on me, and his body possessing mine. I know he would be gentle, and I know it would feel good. But then what?

He pulls away, and rolls over onto his back, raising his knee to block any observations of his excitement. "Oh my god... girl..._ Bella._... I'm about to lose all reason." He turns his head to look at me and I roll onto my side, propping my head on my hand. "You don't know how close I am to... " He groans and stares at the sky.

"I know." He turns his eyes to mine, and we just gaze at each other. "We didn't do anything wrong, Carlisle. I don't want to feel guilt over this." I reach out and lay my hand on his face. He takes my hand and kisses my palm.

"I don't feel guilty – at least not right now. To be honest, I really don't want to stop."

"Then why did you?" I watch his face. He smiles and looks at me.

"I think you know why. If I don't stop now, I might just keep going until... "

"Until we make love?" Just saying the words puts the image back in my head, and I'm glad I can't blush. A part of me aches for that union, and a part of me recoils at the idea.

He rolls over on his side to face me. "Would we make love, Bella? I won't deny I feel powerfully attracted to you. I could very easily make you mine, right here and now." He squeezes his eyes tightly shut. When he looks at me again, he's completely in control. "But would it be making love, or scratching an itch? There's too much at stake here to just give in to physical desires. It's been a long time for both of us, and I think we'd be crazy to rush into this just because we're both lonely and needy..."

"You forgot horny." I smile and he laughs.

"I haven't forgotten horny, I just wasn't going to say it." He grins and kisses the tip of my nose. "I love you, Bella – that's never going to change. But this... " He made a gesture, pointing back and forth between us. "...this attraction is new. I'm not sure what it means, or if it can stand up to reality. Just yesterday you said I was sick when you thought I was attracted to you."

"I'm sorry." I want to explain, but I don't understand myself. He's right about everything, and I just feel confused. "Can you still hold me?" Without another word, he pulls me into his arms. I still want to kiss him, but I feel content just feeling him close.

I meditate on what's happened to all of the relationships in my life. My best friend Alice kept secrets from me. My daughter has another baby. Jacob had a brother he didn't know about. Rosalie is with Garrett now. My husband went willingly to his death. And the man I thought of as my father-in-law is attracted to me. What surprises me more, is that I'm feeling drawn to him as well.

We move apart and sit up. We both hear it before humans would have – a plane. As we stare up at the sky, it flies low and tips it's wings. It's the float plane coming to "rescue" us.

"Come on, we've got to hurry." He helps me up from the ground and we run to the ruined house. He tears through the debris and tosses aside the broken half of the tree in his rush. In the ruined cupboards he finds what he's looking for, then he asks me to try to find some towels or bedding in a hurry. I manage to find the towels, though they're soaked and dirty.

He wrings them out, then drapes a towel over our shoulders. Then he surprises me when he dusts my face, hands and legs in flour. He repeats the process on himself. "Did I miss any sparkle?" I have to laugh at his ghostlike appearance. I dust the back of his neck as the float plan makes it's landing. He hurriedly grabs the paintings. As the plane ties up to the pier, which has suffered some damage as well, he takes my hand.

The pilot looks at us as if he can't believe we're still alive. We don't waste any time as we climb into the plane and he stares at the destroyed beach house. On the way back to the mainland we get a rundown on the path the hurricane took. It missed his own home, but he was shocked when he saw it was headed right for us. As soon as he could, he took off to come and see if we made it through okay.

He continues to chat about how strange it is that it missed so many heavily populated places, but managed to target the island. It was only a category two storm, but it had a tiny well-defined eye. He says he watched on the news and saw it pass right over the island. He looks back at us and shakes his head. "What are the chances of that happening?" Carlisle looks at me and squeezes my hand.

As much as we want to get back home, we stop in Rio to spend the night. He has to get in touch with the caretakers and make arrangements to clean up the destroyed house. We also need to buy something to wear and clean up. He rents us a suite of rooms in a nice hotel, and I shower and change into clean, new clothes as he makes phone calls.

I've bought him something decent to wear as well, but he spends quite a while on the phone. I use a washcloth to wipe some of the flour and mess from his face. He stops talking, and just watches me. I turn the cloth in my hands and wipe over his mouth and chin, then lean in to kiss him. I pull back and we just stand there speechless. Something on the other end of the call grabs his attention, and he tears his eyes away from me.

"No, I don't want you and your wife to have to clean up the debris. I want you to _hire _someone to do it. Yes of course I'll pay. I know you only have a small boat. Do you know someone else who already does that kind of work? Good... yes... call them and hire them to remove the destroyed house. Yes that's right, you don't have to do it." I can see the exasperation on his face and in his stance. It takes him a few more minutes to get off the phone.

Finally free from the phone, he heads for the shower. I'm watching something on TV when he comes out, wrapped in a towel. I stare, and he notices.

He looks good. His mind is over three hundred and fifty years old, but his body is twenty-three, and amazing. Muscular chest and shoulders, firm, flat stomach, and muscular legs. I meet his eyes and turn away, embarrassed. He takes his clothes and disappears.

He emerges from the bathroom fully dressed, and I don't turn to look. I've all but ignored the man for more than a dozen years, I don't know why it's so hard to keep my eyes tuned to the weather on the TV. It's in Portuguese, but that shouldn't matter.

His hands on my shoulders massage and caress me. He drapes my hair over my shoulder and kisses the other side of my neck. I sigh, and my head rolls limply, giving him more access. He nibbles at my ear, then whispers, "Bella, we need to talk." I groan.

We sit on opposite ends of the couch and I watch him. He looks too serious. "I need to know if this is something you want." His eyes lock onto mine as if he can discern the answer there.

"I'm not sure what you mean. What is 'this?'" I'm afraid of the answer.

"This... This thing between us." He looks nervous. "I need to know...do you... should we... damn!" He's off the couch and pacing. His hands tear through his damp hair in frustration. "Bella, I'm too old to play games, and I need to know what you _want_!"

"That makes two of us." I stand as he looks at me. "What I want, I can't have. I want my husband. But as you've pointed out, he's gone and he's never coming back." He deflates, and I know my words have hurt him. I go to him and take his hands as he tries to pull away.

"I don't want you to be upset. I'm not trying to hurt you." I finally get him to look at me. "Tell the truth Carlisle, if she walked in, you wouldn't look twice at me. We would both rather have them back, am I right?"

"I don't deal in impossibilities. Esme is dead. She's not going to walk through that door. What happened between us on the island... I need to know if it's the beginning of something, or a fluke."

"Well then, shouldn't you be asking yourself what _you _want?" I stare at him defiantly. He rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

"Your room is through that door. I'll see you in the morning, Bella." He turns and retreats into his room, closing the door on me. I don't even know why we bothered with bedrooms, since we don't sleep. I pace the sitting room, then realize I'm acting out his favorite stress release, and I flop gracelessly onto the couch. I pull my knees up to my chin and sulk.


	10. Chapter 10 Home

Chapter 10

Home

I turn off the TV and sit, wondering how I should have answered him. I still don't know, and I listen to the clock ticking and the noise from the streets that my hearing can pick up. I wish I was completely over Edward, but I know I couldn't have made the same statement about him that Carlisle made about Esme. To speak the words aloud still hurts too much.

I'm not sure if I'm ready to move on, or merely _wanting _to be ready. I didn't have to force myself to kiss Carlisle – I practically ate his face off. But beyond that what can I expect? I could have easily made love – no – had sex with him this morning. Even thinking about it makes me realize two years is a long time to be alone and untouched.

My body is alive now, and my inhuman libido is awake. Without Edward to fulfill my every want, need, and desire, am I merely reaching out to the closest substitute? I look at his door, imagining him lying in his bed alone. He's been alone as long as I have, and I know he and Esme had an active love life. I wonder how he can put that aside and go on. And I have no doubt he would have done just that if I'd have given him an indication that we could have more.

It startles me to think that he wants to make love to me. My breath catches as I think about it. He's a beautiful man, and my mind wanders to what it would feel like to be that close to him. He's mentioned that it's always good between our kind, though I have no reference but Edward. And oh yes, that was good. How would it feel to be with Carlisle in that way? I imagine the man I'd seen in a towel not long ago, and I can feel a woman's desire to touch him and feel him – and be touched. I sigh. I still want him.

But he's right. Just having sex would be crazy and wrong. I'm startled as the door to his room opens, and he comes out. He sits on the couch beside me and pulls me against his side with his arm around me.

"I'm sorry Bella, I wasn't being very fair to you earlier. I asked you to tell me your intentions without sharing mine. I expected you to answer questions I myself couldn't answer." He kisses the top of my head. "To be honest, I'm probably as confused as you are, if not more." He looks me in the eyes and smiles. "I like holding you close, and I love kissing you. I'm not sure I"m ready to let that go and just go back to how we were before."

His eyes focus on mine, and I feel my breath speed up just a bit. "If I'm perfectly honest, I can say without a doubt that I want to have sex with you. I mean I _really _want to." I gasp, and my mouth drops open. "Does that disgust you?"

"No." I manage to gasp. "I think I want that too." He sighs and squeezes his eyes tightly closed.

"Sweet Bella... you're going to ruin me." He stares at me. I can see the hunger – the lust – right there on his handsome face. "You know we can't do this, right?"

"I know." I whisper, still staring at him.

"It would tear our family apart. I can't just take you and then pretend it never happened. It may not be a typical male attitude, but I can't just have sex – I have to be committed. I fall in love, Bella. Not since I was young and human have I been able to have meaningless carnal knowledge with a woman. Vampires don't forget, and I can't – I _won't_ carry that image of you with me forever."

"So, you're saying it's impossible?"

"I'm saying I won't have sex with you, no matter how much we both desire it. The cost is too high. I want to fall in love again. I want to make love. Anything less is unacceptable."

"So this ends here?" My voice is tiny. I feel rejected again.

"Are you ready to fall in love with me, Bella? Can you be all mine?" I look at his questioning eyes, and my words fail me. It's too much, and too soon.

"That's what I thought." He sighs. "Never mind Bella, you're safe... no pressure." He snugs me against his side and kisses my forehead. "We'll just let it go, okay?" I put my arms around him and cuddle against him. He's no longer making demands on me, and I do feel safe with him. I think about kissing him, but when I look at him he doesn't give me any encouragement.

The next morning he makes several more phone calls while I brush all the tangles from my hair. By the afternoon we're on our way home to North America by way of several hops. I notice the party atmosphere as we head to the airport, and it hits me that we've been in Rio de Janeiro, and we didn't even take in one tourist attractions or sample the local culture. I really have been lost in mourning. We sit in the back of the taxi, and Carlisle holds my hand.

On the planes, we have first class seats, but still he holds my hand, and allows me to rest against him. We read books we've purchased at the airport, and he's chosen several assorted non-fiction books, while I've got a couple romance novels. Midway home the romances have lost their appeal and I'm reading over his shoulder.

"Bella, would you like one of my books?" He catches my eye and smiles.

"I never knew there was enough about World War II nurses to fill a book."

He laughs softly. "There's enough to fill several, actually." He closes the book with his finger holding his place. We're able to talk so softly we don't disturb the other passengers. "You'd be surprised to know that many of those nurses knew as much as the doctors about treating patients. They were truly heroic in the way they cared for the soldiers, either on the battlefields or in the hospitals."

"Were you involved yourself?" I know he was working in a Chicago hospital during World War I, but I had no idea about other wars and conflicts

He nods and lowers his voice even further. "We were living in the U.S. at the time. But the country was so reluctant to get involved in the war, despite increasing aggression by Germany and it's axis. There were boats full of refugees and orphans coming in regularly, and they all carried stories of human suffering. I couldn't take it. When Canada declared war on Germany, in September of nineteen thirty-nine, I joined the Royal Canadian Army Medical Corps."

I'd forgotten that Carlisle had ties to at least four different countries: England, Italy, Canada, and the U.S., along with documents both real and fake proving his citizenship in each.

"I spent almost a year in Holland, far enough away from actual combat, that I treated more diseases and accidents than I did actual war injuries. I was then transferred to England, and I was in London during the Blitz." I'm stunned to hear his recollections. He's seen so much that I've only read about in history books.

"That must have been awful." I couldn't imagine people – ordinary citizens – hiding in their own homes with the lights out, wondering if they would be hit by a bomb. To wonder if you'd wake up in the morning, as well as your family, friends, and neighbors.

"It was... awful. Forty thousand dead in London and surrounding towns, and about five times that were injured. I got hit by a bomb myself." He looks over at me and raises an eyebrow. "I don't recommend it." I can only stare at him. His eyes take on a guarded quality and he smiles as if to shrug it off. He kisses the back of my hand and our fingers are intertwined. "This isn't really the time or place to talk about such things. There's no such thing as a pleasant war, and I've seen enough to give you nightmares, even if you don't sleep." Again his lips brush the back of my hand.

I sit in silence and ponder what it must be like to have lived for three and a half centuries. He's always seemed so quiet and refined to me, but with strength and wisdom to keep his family together. I've always believed him to be a man of compassion, but when I consider how much suffering, death, and loss he's surely seen in his long existence, I wonder how he holds onto any shred of decency whatsoever. How does he hold onto any semblance of humanity?

I lean over and kiss his cheek, and he looks at me for a second before he opens his book and goes back to reading.

We finally land at Victoria International Airport. It isn't what I expect, since I still think of Forks as home. There's no one waiting at the airport for us, and when he sees me scanning the crowds he smiles.

"I didn't tell them when we were coming in. Ness is busy with a newborn, and I didn't think it wise to have everyone else converge on the airport just to escort us home. Besides, I've got something pretty special in long term parking." He smiles like a teenager as we stride out of the airport with nothing but a small carry-on for our books.

The late summer sun turns his hair corn silk yellow, as a gust of wind flips it into his eyes. He finger combs it back into place, then absently laces those fingers with mine. People stare at us as we gracefully walk by, and I know they're seeing that supernatural beauty that so captivated me all those years ago.

In the long term parking lot, it's easy to spot what he calls 'special.' An Italian luxury car languishes in the shadows, all silver with chrome wheels, and red leather interior.

"Isn't she beautiful? She's a Maserati Gran Turismo. I fell in love with her while we were abroad, and had her shipped when we came back home. It cost a fortune, but I just couldn't leave her behind." He opens the passenger door for me and helps me into the car.

All along the trip I've noticed his chivalrous manners that must have been ingrained in him for centuries. He stands when I stand, holds my chair, opens doors, holds my hand or takes my arm, and always takes the lead, even though none of those things are necessary or appreciated in these liberated times. I appreciate them. It's a constant reminder that he's a gentleman – a gentle man.

We pull from the parking spot, and I find myself listening to the music on his sound system. In a matter of minutes – seconds even – I recognize the music. It's Edward playing piano. I feel the air pulled from my frozen lungs, and I'm suddenly sick and dizzy, though it's physically impossible. I feel as if an icicle has been plunged into my chest, as I remember watching his fingers play those very notes.

"Oh god Bella, I'm so sorry!" He turns it off immediately, and stops the car. He pulls me to him, and I cling to him, moaning in tearless agony. His beautiful, talented hands are gone forever, and he'll never produce music again. I want to scream in the confines of the car at the unfairness of it all, but Carlisle holds me breathlessly tight.

I don't know how long it takes me to pull it together, but finally the sound of his soft voice whispering to me gets my attention. It's the same repeating cadence of words we say to children when they cry: "Shh, it's okay, everything will be alright, I know it hurts, you'll feel better soon, everything's okay, I'm sorry, I'm here for you..."

It's that phrase that sticks with me and gets me through. "I'm here for you." He understands more than anyone else ever could. I'm not alone.

I pull back; a silent signal that it's okay for him to relax his hold. He doesn't let me go entirely, and I press my forehead against his, and stare into his eyes. "Thank you for understanding." I feel his hands on my face, tucking the hair behind my ears. For a long moment I just gaze at him. He's pulled me back from the edge of despair once again. He shifts, and kisses my head, then relaxes back into his seat.

He stares ahead, through the windshield. "I'm sorry about that, Bella. I've been listening to those tracks for two years now – I didn't even think about it."

"Why? I mean... how can you stand it? Isn't it a constant reminder?"

He turns my way and smiles sadly. "Of course it's a reminder. I don't ever want to forget him, Bella. He was so talented, and I've never heard anyone else who could play with such passion. Did you know it was the piano that helped pull him through losing his parents? He was such a mess when he found out they were both gone. He even blamed himself for a while – he had so many theories on how he was the one who exposed them to the flu. I listened to that piano for hours on end, as he expressed his grief in all it's layers."

His eyes lock onto mine, and I can see – _feel _the pain radiating from him. "I loved him so much. He was a beautiful and sensitive boy, and he grew to be a good man. When I listen to his music, it makes me feel closer to him. It reminds me of all the good things he was, and it's comforting to me. You don't know what I'd give to have recordings of my Gabriella."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lose it again. You're able to remember the good things, but I'm still remembering all I've lost."

"I know."

In silence he starts the car and we drive from the parking lot. It's a while before either of us says anything, and I stare out the window at the familiar evergreens.

"I hope you like the house. It's bigger than what we had in Forks, but we're expecting to have guests more often. I was thinking we can get you settled, and then tomorrow we'll go seen Ness, Jacob and your grandchildren."

"What about the house in Forks?" It still surprises me they've moved.

"It's not really been lived in since the war. To be honest, it's hard to live in the same place where we were all a family. In order to make it work for us now, we'd have to change so much, and I just can't bring myself to do it."

"I understand. I couldn't even stay there last time I visited. Is the piano still there?"

"There's no place else for it to go. The cabin's almost exactly the same too."

"I couldn't even go there."

"That's why we bought the new place. I think you'll like it, even though it's a bit isolated. It's green, I mean it's environmentally responsible. It's made out of so many recycled materials and energy efficient products, it probably takes care of all of my three hundred and fifty years of carbon footprints." He laughs briefly and realizes I'm not laughing. "Bella, what's wrong?"

"I just don't know how to do this. How do I just go on alone? I've never been alone. I went from Mom's to Dad's to... Edward. I've never lived in a college dorm or had my own apartment."

"Maybe you should." He glances my way. "I mean that's an option." He turns from the main highway onto a long two lane road. "I don't want to tell you what to do. There's a place for you with us, but one advantage to being alone is that you have all kinds of options you never had before. You could go back to college, or have your own apartment. You could train for a career, or even do volunteer work."

"I'll settle for just being able to function from day to day."

"Bella please... " He reaches out and takes my hand. "You're never really alone."

"I know." I stare out the window at the evergreen tunnel we're driving through. I've hunted so many times in woods just like these; for ten years with him by my side, and two alone. I know Carlisle understands, but he just doesn't experience it the same way I do. I envy him his ability to move on. But to be honest, I feel more of a connection to the part of him that mourned for a hundred years. Ninety-eight more years might be enough.

My thoughts are pulled back when he turns into the long and winding drive. It's not like the one in Forks – this one snakes through massive trees, and bounces over graveled ruts.

"I'm sorry about the jostling; we haven't had time to do much about the grounds yet. The builder wanted to leave as many of the mature trees as possible, as part of the effort to keep it green. I figured it would be a good deterrent to any casual visitors." Even as he says it, I notice a security camera mounted to one of the trees, angled toward one of the curves. "I think to save wear and tear on the cars, I'll have to put a place to park close to the road for when the weather's bad." I can just imagine the Maserati in the deep Canadian snow or the mud when it rains.

"Maybe you should trade it for a truck." I have to smile as his face sours, and I recall my own truck, so long gone.

"Why trade, when I can simply add one?" I've forgotten about the Cullen collection of cars. As if responding to that very thought, I see a huge garage in the final stages of being built, way off to the left. The white insulating Tyvec plastic wrap makes it stand out in the otherwise natural setting. I'm trying to judge the number of parking bays, when he turns to the right.

The house appears before us as if by magic, and he drives right up to the huge stone facade of a two story lodge home. It's so different from the house in Forks, I find it hard to believe it's really the home he chose.

"Don't look so surprised. This is what happens when I'm the one who gets to pick out the house. Esme was the one who liked all the 'clean lines' and modern designs. I've always appreciated the more rustic look. It reminds me of the colonial days when I came to this continent."

He parks the car in front, and circles it to help me out. Even before he closes the door, the front door of the house opens up to a delighted feminine squeal, which is followed by a blurred rush of someone hurtling across the front porch, down the steps and into his arms. I think it must be Alice, but quickly my mind realizes the dark haired beauty is definitely not Alice, though she's got arms and legs wrapped around Carlisle, and is kissing his cheeks in a similar kind of exuberance.

He's laughing as he holds her, and after an uncomfortable minute, she puts her feet on the ground and peels herself away from him, to slide an arm around his waist and glue herself to his side.

"Bella, this is one of our new friends, Colette. Colette, this is Bella..." In an instant, she rushes to me and wraps me in a hug no less passionate than what she gave Carlisle. My cheeks are thoroughly kissed by warm lips, and when she pulls back she's laughing.

"I have been waiting so anxiously to meet you, Miss Isabella!"

"It's Bella... and it's Missus," I state dispassionately. Her lovely face falls briefly, and I feel guilty for stealing her joy.

"Pardon moi. I have confused my English again. I apologize sincerely. I have heard so much about you. It's as if you are a fairy tale!" Her French accent is musical, if a little hard to follow. Her huge almond-shaped brown eyes gaze at me in adoration. "All of my kind know of the one called Bella – the one who survived." I hear the word 'survived,' and immediately think of the war. I feel my chest constricting when I think of all who did not survive.

"Bella..." Carlisle takes my hand, focusing me on the present. "... Colette is a hybrid, like Nessie. You've become a bit of a hero to them, as most of them have no mothers."

"I am an orphan." Her words focus my attention on some of the things Carlisle has told me about Joham's monstrous deeds. "My mother was a Congolese, and Joham was my sire." Sire? What a strange thing to call your father. I stare at her face, trying to discern the Caucasian traits of Joham. I've never met him, and didn't even get to see his body, but I know he's the one who ruined my life. I feel a twisted sense of mistrust for this girl, even though I know her only crime was being born.

"Bella, Colette is a healer. It's her supernatural gift. She can heal both human and our kind as well."

"I could not save my mother – though I tried." Her face becomes a mask of unimaginable pain as she speaks the words. I remember how I was when Renesmee was born, and I can't imagine an infant being aware enough to understand such a tragedy. Her relation to Joham is instantly forgotten and I put my arms around her. I cling to a young woman I barely know, who has suffered a loss like mine. I am surprised to feel wetness on my cheeks and it takes a second to register that it's her tears.

I hear the door open, and in seconds I feel as if I can breathe again. A hand on my back soothes me, and Colette pulls away and gives me a small smile. I turn my eyes up to Jasper, who's compassionate eyes stare into mine. He looks exactly the same physically, but he's changed. He never had compassion in his eyes before, and now I can see it in the way he looks at us, and feel it coming from him in warm ripples.

Without a word, he folds me into his arms, and holds me. His is one of the few gifts that penetrates my shield, and I feel enveloped in his calming peace. I'm startled to feel his love as well, and I turn my eyes questioningly to his.

"We've all missed you so much, Bella. We should never have left you in Denali." He again holds me tight. When he finally releases me, I turn and see Colette is once again in Carlisle's arms. "Come inside, I'll show you around and introduce you to our other guests." Carlisle and Colette don't move.

Inside I'm stunned at the enormity of the place. Two stories of open space draws my eyes up to the massive timbers of the ceiling. He smiles at my awed expression. "All reclaimed timber from old barns. There's a whole roof full of solar panels, and we get enough sun to power the lights, water heaters, and electronics." Opposite the front door is a wall of windows as high as the ceiling. "That's all low E recycled glass and composites."

He leads me through the living space toward the glass, and I'm overwhelmed by the view. The ground slopes steeply to a small lake, and there's a huge deck off the back of the house. He opens the door and we step outside. "The deck is all composite, made from recycled plastic bottles." He points off to the right. "There's a stream that feeds the lake, and that pretty little water wheel is a functioning turbine that powers the rest of the house. We're totally self sufficient." He points to the roof. "The gutters collect rain water and store it in a cistern, and it's purified for indoor use. The waste water is purified through a septic system that will decontaminate it so it can be used for watering the lawn – when we have one." My eyes are once again drawn to the lake. It looks peaceful and placid, and as I watch, a fish leaps into the air.

"It's all so beautiful." My eyes pick out a figure circling the lake, and as I stare, I see it's a woman. Again I wonder if it's Alice, but then she begins to run, and I know by her movements that it's not her. She circles the lake at vampire speed, and flies up the steps to the deck. She stops in front of us, and I recognize her. It's Huilen. I catch my breath as we stare at one another, then we gently hug. She too has changed, and I remember the story about her imprisonment, and the way she was forced to feed from Nahuel just to survive. She has always been thin, but she looks drawn as well, and I feel her bones as we hug.

"It is good to see you again, Bella." Her cinnamon colored skin shines in the sun, as if it's been dusted with powdered topaz. She wears a simple floral print sundress, and her hair lies in a single braid. I wonder how attractive her sister must have been, if she is so lovely.

"Is Nahuel here too?" I don't mean to dismiss her presence, but I have never known them to be apart.

She beams radiantly. "He is here with his wife, and their new daughter." I'm stunned. Nahuel is married, and a father as well?

"Come on Bella, I'll introduce you." Jasper leads me back inside, and Huilen follows after us. We walk through the main room, and I take in the gigantic fireplace, handwoven rugs on both hardwood and stone floors, and many pieces of nature brought inside. Above the doorway we're headed to, I can't help but notice a gigantic hornets nest. I forget for a moment that I can't be stung, and I stare in fear and revulsion.

Huilen and Jasper laugh when I balk at getting near it. "Relax Bella, it's just a shell. Nothing lives inside it anymore, and it's plugged up to prevent anything from getting an idea of moving back in. Carlisle found it on one of his nature walks, and he thought it was impressive enough to preserve." I keep my eyes on it as we step through the doorway.

We pass through the kind of kitchen I'd have loved to have had when I was human. Everything is state of the art, but disguised as antique. I wonder that there's a loaf of bread and a jar of cookies sitting on the counter, then I remember Nahuel can eat normal food.

From the kitchen we go through a doorway. There's a hallway leading past four bedrooms, and Huilen points to one. "I am staying in this room." She steps in and invites me to see it. The window looks out on the view of the lake. There's a chaise lounge, an antique sewing machine, a weaving loom, and a collection of fabrics and yarns. "I made this one." She points to the colorful woven rug on the floor, and I tell her how beautiful it is. She shows me a small dress she made for her new great niece as well.

We stop at the door at the end of the hall. "This is Nahuel's suite." He taps on the door, and the man who answers looks very little like I remember Nahiel. His hair is short, and his smile is spontaneous and white.

"Shh, Karina is asleep, but please come in." He timidly hugs me before leading us into his suite. "Gemma has just put her down for her nap. I never knew babies slept so much, but if you ask Gemma, they never sleep at all." He laughs softly.

The sitting room is warm and inviting, and we stand on another of Huilen's handmade rugs. A petite woman steps out of what must be their bedroom, and Nahuel goes to her and puts his arm around her. She looks at me, and for a second I see fear in her eyes. He kisses her temple. "Do not be frightened, Bella is a friend." He speaks in Italian, and his voice is calm and patient, as if he's speaking to a child. She stares at me with large hazel eyes. I can tell from the beating of her heart that she too is a hybrid. He switches back to English to talk to me, obviously leaving her out of the conversation.

"My wife is very fearful of vampires. She was born at Volterra to a drug addicted mother and one of the Volturi guard. She was forced to cannibalize her own mother shortly after her birth, and it has scarred her. She has only recently begun to talk to other people. While we were imprisoned, she was one of those who fed the prisoners, even though she was a prisoner herself. Joham was holding her to force her father to comply with his commands." He holds her tight and kisses her cheek.

"She had been so traumatized she wouldn't speak to anyone. But she spoke to_ me_. She witnessed Huilen feeding from me when she couldn't resist her hunger." He holds out his arms, and I see scars like Jasper wears. Huilen squeezes her eyes shut at the painful sight. He holds up Gemma's arm and she too has the scars. "She saved my life. Without her precious blood, Huilen would have drained me, even though she fought not to feed from me."

He looks me in the eyes. "Seeing your family all those years ago, let me know there could be others like me, and gave me hope that all vampires – Huilen aside – were not destructive monsters. Still, the things we saw at Volterra challenged that belief repeatedly." He smiles, and speaks in Italian, explaining the things he's told us.

I understand her perfectly, when she asks him in Italian if I am dangerous to her baby. I speak up in Italian, explaining that I would never harm a child. She stares at me, clearly terrified, and I realize speaking her language has made her see me as Volturi. I turn and retreat from the situation, back through the house.

I wander through the great room, looking at antiques, carved furniture, and more of Huilen's rugs. I don't belong here. There's no sign of anything I recognize, and I don't feel connected. Jasper comes out and tries to put his arms around me, but I move away.

"She didn't mean to say you were dangerous, Bella. The poor child is very sensitive."

"I know. Edward would have known the right thing to say."

"I wouldn't bet on that." Carlisle comes into the room with Colette trailing after him. "Gemma has had experience with Aro, both before and after the war, and she wouldn't have trusted Edward any more than she trusts any of our kind. I told you there was a lot of damage left at Volterra. Gemma is a perfect example of all that's wrong there.

We're all gathered in the great room: Me, Carlisle, Colette, Jasper, Nahuel, and Huilen. I notice Alice is missing, but I don't say anything. "Speaking of what's wrong in Volterra..." Jasper speaks up, looking at each of us. "... Alice left last night on the jet. She wants us to fly out in a couple days after it returns. It seems Velasquez couldn't get over all the anger at Duarte for their decades of fighting. They attacked each other just outside the city walls, and Velasquez put an end to him. Alice installed the alternate on the council, but now there's an empty seat she needs to get filled. We're hoping to calm everyone before war breaks out, but if those two covens go to war, I'm going to have to call out the Guard."

I stare at him, with all the talk of war.

Carlisle comes alongside me. "Bella, we've decided not to keep the Guard in one place like they used to be at Volterra. What we've instituted is more like the National Guard. They train together, but then they leave and go home, but for a small force in Volterra. When they're needed they're called up to fight. Velasquez and Duarte were both on the council, since they come from large, old covens. But they hated each other, and it seems now we'll need two more council members. We're striving for a balance, and the alternate is formerly Volturi. That puts two of them in place and I'm the lone outsider. We need someone to replace them both, but we need the right people."

"So is everyone leaving again?" I feel a little anxious at the thought of being left alone to rattle around in the new house. Carlisle takes my hand and leads me away from the group. We stand and stare out the window at the lake

"You're going to find this hard to believe, but Alice has authority over me – over you too. If she calls us, we have to come." He runs his fingers through his hair in agitation. "I know you want to see your daughter and grandchildren. We have a couple days to do that since they don't live far from here. We can go tomorrow and spend time there. If you want, you can stay with her while we're gone, or you could come back here and make yourself at home." He looks nervous, as if he'd like to pace. "But what I hope, is that you'll come with us."

"Why would I do that? Volterra is nothing to me. Those who survived the war might be living there, and I just can't pretend that I don't blame them. Besides, the last time I was in Italy, I was with Edward; it's too painful. Why do you even want me to go?"

He sighs, then he does pace, just a few steps before coming back to face me. "I know it's not fair to ask you. I know it's still painful. But Nahuel is on the council. You've seen his wife; she's not settled in here and she's afraid of everything. Huilen will stay with her, but Gemma is a new mother and she has no idea what she's doing. Nahuel wants to stay here with his wife and their baby." He pauses and looks at me apologetically. "He would give you his proxy, and you could take his place on the council – temporarily."

"You've got to be kidding me. I don't have any qualifications for leadership."

"That's exactly why you'd be perfect. Nahuel trusts you, and you're a mother to a hybrid. You're legendary among them. If you go, Nahuel can stay with his wife and child, and you'll be a great help to us in fixing this mess."

"I want to see my daughter and her family first. If they don't need me... I'll go."


	11. Chapter 11 Colette

Chapter 11

Colette

Jasper has gone to prepare for the trip, and Carlisle takes over giving me the grand tour. To the right of the great room there's a staircase leading to the second floor. Another hallway with four more bedrooms and two bathrooms leads to what's obviously a suite at the end. I assume that it's his, but he points to the closed door. "That's Jasper and Alice's suite. There's one just like it above Nahuel and Gemma's room for Jacob and Renesmee when they come to visit. I've got the room facing the front. He opens the door across the hall from his. "This is your room – if you want it. Ness brought some of your clothes, and some of the things from the cabin."

I step into the room, and it's very pretty, with its white painted furniture and soft lavender blue walls.. It looks out over the lake as well, and there's a day bed with a white blanket trimmed in the same shade of lavender. It looks like Huilen made it. It's a very feminine room, which reminds me that Edward won't be sharing it with me.

My clothes hang neatly in the closet, and there's a low bookshelf with many of my favorite books. The top of the dresser holds trinket boxes, and when I open one, I find my charm bracelet with the carved wolf and the crystal heart. I shove it back inside before it tears open the healing wound.

I feel his arms around me, and I turn to bury my face against his chest. "How long is it going to hurt, Carlisle?" I don't want to let him go, but he pats my back and gently pulls away.

He opens up the trinket box and takes out the bracelet. He sits on the daybed and pulls me down beside him, and wraps his arm around me. "Tell me about this." I don't know how to respond to his invitation, but in the safety of his arms, I'm able to tell the story of the gifts.

"I was such an idiot. I wouldn't let him buy me a gift, and made it seem like I favored Jacob over him. He was so patient, and I was so short-sighted. I'm surprised he didn't give up on me." Before I realize what he's doing, Carlisle opens the bracelet and fastens it to my wrist.

"No, unhook it, I can't wear this." I turn it and try to open it myself. He takes my hands firmly in his.

"You should wear it. Those are happy memories, and this means a lot to you."

"It's too much of a reminder... I can't."

He pulls my hand closer and looks at the sparkling heart dangling from my wrist. "I remember when he bought this. He asked my advice about what he could get you that wouldn't make you think he spent too much. He wanted to buy you a diamond, but he knew you wouldn't accept it. I suggested the crystal." He laughs softly. "I confess, I thought you were too young to understand the significance of a diamond. But it turns out you understood too well, and the crystal was almost enough to raise your defenses. You should wear it."

"I think I'd rather give it to Ness. She'll appreciate the wolf as well."

"Then wear it until we see her tomorrow." He still holds my hand, and he presses a kiss to the back of my fingers. "This is how you help it stop hurting. You cling to the good memories. Remember the love, Bella. It never goes away as long as you remember it."

I can hear we're alone for the moment. "How does it feel... I mean after what we... after what happened? Are you glad we stopped?"

He stares at me for a long while, then presses his lips softly to mine for just a moment, before pulling back to gaze at me. "No. No I'm not glad we stopped." He sighs and I feel his breath on my cheek. "But it's the right thing to do. You need to heal, not worry about my intentions." He holds up my hand with the sterling silver bracelet dangling from my wrist. "The trick is reconciling this... " His lips brushed mine softly. "... with this. You have to be able to make peace with your memories before you can let go of the pain and move forward." He gets up and leaves me sitting there, staring at the bracelet. I hear the door click as he leaves.

I spend too long just remembering that time all those years ago. There's a tiny tap on my door. "Come in." I answer, without even thinking.

The door opens slowly, and a timid woman carefully enters. She holds a tiny baby cradled in her arms. She inches away from the door, clearly afraid. Her smile is tentative, and she speaks in soft Italian. "I am very sorry I didn't trust you. My husband has told me much about you, and I know you don't bite people. I know you are Renesmee's mother too." I nod, afraid to speak. She reminds me of a baby deer she's so nervous.

"This is our daughter Karina. She was born six weeks before your daughter gave birth." She steps closer to where I sit on the daybed. "Would you like to hold her?"

"Maybe you could sit beside me instead." She doesn't flee at my Italian, and I make a spot for her to sit, adding extra pillows to support her back and arms. I sit next to her, and we both gaze at the little girl in her arms. She's adorable, with thick black hair, and light brown skin, like coffee with a lot of cream. "She's beautiful, Gemma." I don't touch either of them, though I'd love to hold the baby. I can tell Gemma needs time to warm to me.

"Maybe some day my daughter and your grandson will become mates." Her statement makes my head spin. I can't imagine making plans so far ahead for an infant. But then again she was raised in Joham's Volterra, where mates were chosen for them based on physical traits and powers alone. I doubt Nahuel would have married her if he didn't love her, especially after everything he saw his father do.

After a while, Nahuel taps on my door, and he smiles to see his wife has come to make peace. "You are very perceptive that you don't touch her." He speaks English, and I wonder why Gemma isn't offended at being left out, since we all can speak Italian. "She is still very sensitive about being touched."

"Does she have a talent?" I don't like speaking as if she isn't there, but she seems to be in her own little world as she stares at the baby.  
>"No. She's venomous. We're fortunate Karina isn't venomous, and she doesn't have teeth yet. Dr. Carlisle believes she will grow up like a normal human child. Sadly, we likely will not have her forever, but she is very strong and resistant to disease."<p>

I haven't considered that. My grandchildren have a life expectancy, and I've wasted so much time I could have spent with them. But then again they take part of their lineage from Jacob, so maybe they're more supernatural than Nahuel's child. Still it makes me want to see them even more. We sit in my room making small talk, and almost as shyly as she came in, Gemma stands, smiles at me, and leaves.

"She is a very tender soul," Nahuel marvels. "I love her so much, but she is broken. She still has nightmares, and sometimes she wakes up screaming. Huilen is trying to teach her how to be a mother, since she has no idea. Both of us have no idea how a good father should behave. Doctor Cullen has been very helpful to us." He moves toward the door. "I know it seems rude to speak around her, as if she's not here. But she has a very limited attention span for the real world. She is very childlike, and she is easily overwhelmed." He smiles and leaves me with my thoughts.

I think about the upcoming visit to my daughter and grandchildren. Sarah is two now, and I've only seen her a couple times. And I haven't seen the new baby yet. How could I have missed his birth? I should have been there to hold Nessie's hand. When I wonder who was there, I naturally think of Carlisle. He would have been there, without a doubt. I feel terrible that I've let her down so much.

I leave my room and go looking for him. I can hear the people in the house, and it's not difficult to find him in his study. I tap, and he asks me in.

His room is more like a library, with bookshelves reaching floor to ceiling, and more books and periodicals on any flat surface.

"How can I help you, Bella?" He looks up at me, giving me his undivided attention.

"I just realized I'm not ready for my visit to Nessie tomorrow." He seems momentarily disappointed. "I mean... I need presents. I'm Grandma to a two year-old, and I can't go to visit empty-handed." He smiles and leans back in his chair. He's wearing a T-shirt and khaki shorts, and that seems odd to me. I'm about to comment when he speaks.

"Well, I was just about to go for a hike in the woods. But if you need to go shopping, you can use the Jeep parked on the side. Better yet, why don't you take my car, since it's got GPS to help you find what you're looking for."

"You're talking about your Maserati? But you love that car."

"Yes. She's a lot of fun to drive. The keys are on the hook by the kitchen door. Have fun." He looks like he's about to go back to his reading.

"Uh... Carlisle?" He looks up again. "What kind of things does Sarah like?" I feel horrible since he knows more about her than I do.

He smiles. "She's into dogs. One of their neighbors raises Border Collies, and Sarah spends as much time playing with them as she can."

"So toy dogs?"

"Well... Ness tries to limit the toys, and with the new baby she's got to worry about choking hazards again. She does allow books, and Sarah reads at a third grade level. She also likes to have dog treats for when she visits her friends, and she likes clothing and accessories with dogs on them." He seems to know her well, and I can't help but feel left out by my own choices.

"Thanks for the advice." I look at him a moment longer, wanting to tell him so much, but I just can't express the gratitude.

He looks up again. "Oh, I forgot to tell you, she's a three T in clothes. She's pretty big for her age, and so is the baby. She's potty trained, and only wears big girl underwear." I look at his kind eyes and smile.

"Thanks." I go and find the keys on the hook. I'm surprised that his keyring has her name on it – ESME in heavy gold letters. I hadn't noticed before, and I feel funny as I hold his keys and her keyring in my cold hand. He isn't afraid of reminders, and they don't cause him pain. I envy him Once outside, there's a path through the woods and underbrush to the garage. It's still a work in progress, but the slab is poured and the structure is up. There are five cars inside, and there's room for more. Hmm, Jasper, Nahuel, Carlisle, Huilen, the Jeep...

"Bella! Do you mind if I come with you?" Colette steps lightly through the trees. "I have not yet learned to drive in this country. The rules are more strict than in Africa or Italy." She lapses into French, and I can follow most of what she says. She needs a few things and she wants a chance to shop with another woman. "Huilen only shops for fabric and wool, and Carlisle is hopeless." She laughs as she waits for my answer.

"Sure. I'm still not sure where I'm going, but you're welcome to come." It disturbs me that she knows everyone so well already. My two years of exile have left a lot of gaps.

I adjust the seat and mirrors as she fidgets with the seat belt and turns on the stereo. The first few piano notes play, and before she withdraws her hand I've moved lightning fast to turn it off. "Please don't turn that on." I ignore her startled expression and hit the eject button. The disc slides smoothly out of the stereo, and I carefully take it and search for a place to put it.

"Here it is." She holds the jewel case, and I'm stunned to see Edward's picture behind the plastic. I close my eyes, but the image is burned into my memory. I knew he'd made the CD for Carlisle to celebrate a birthday, but I didn't know he'd embellished the case with his photo. She takes the CD from my trembling fingers and I hear the click as she puts it away.

"Are you okay?" I can hear the concern in her voice. "I'm sorry if it bothers you to be reminded of your husband." I take deep useless breaths of air into my frozen body and try to think of the right thing to say.

I open my eyes and face her wide brown gaze. "I'm sorry... it's just so hard to miss someone so much." I take the case from her hands and look at his face. "I loved him so much." I sigh deeply and close the case. I slide the CD back into the stereo and turn it on. The music floods through the speakers and I can visualize him playing every beautiful note. I resolve to listen and not feel the agony of his loss. I can do this, I repeat in my mind as I start the car and pull out of the parking space.

Fortunately driving the Maserati takes more concentration, as does the GPS directions. Colette leaves me to my silent memories for the first couple miles, then she speaks quietly. "He was very talented. I've listened to this music many times when I rode with Carlisle."

"He was amazingly talented." We come to a more congested area, and I have to pay attention to the directions. The music fades into the background as I listen for the spoken directions of the GPS, and pay attention to the traffic.

"I love that the signs here are in French as well as English. It makes me feel at home." I hadn't even noticed. "Maybe when Carlisle and I get married we'll stay here." Her casual words almost make me wreck the car.  
>"What are you talking about?" I look at her while I sit at a stoplight.<p>

"Oh, I forgot that you don't know I'm going to marry Doctor Carlisle."

"You're engaged?" I wonder why he didn't tell me.

"Well not yet. He hasn't asked me. But it makes so much sense for us to be married. We are both healers; I mean he's a doctor, and I have a gift for healing. We'd make a great team. And I could have babies with him, and they would be very powerful. And our names begin with C – Carlisle and Colette Cullen. It's perfect." She seems to have it all worked out.

"You're in love with him?" I chance a look at her bright face.

"Love? Why would that matter?" She truly looks perplexed. "We make a good match, even though he is old. He's a pretty man, and mating would be agreeable."

"But why would you want to marry someone you don't love? Marriage should be forever, and if you're going to be with someone that long, you should love them – deeply." I wonder if her skewed reasoning is because of her relation to Joham.

"I don't know if I can fall in love." Her face falls for a moment. "I have not felt love since my mother died. I did not love my father, and I have not felt anything for those in Volterra. I fear love only brings pain. There are many in Volterra who are like you. They grieve so deeply because of love. I don't want any part of that – no – I want a good match and no love. No pain."

"You shouldn't get married until you fall in love. Even if there's pain, love is... better than anything else in the world. Being in love makes your soul sing. It's like being more alive than you've ever been. It's about having someone who understands you and knows you even better than you know yourself – and they still want to be with you. Falling in love is like walking your whole life, and suddenly being able to fly. It's amazing and wonderful. Colette, don't cheat yourself out of that by settling for someone you don't love. Your mother would have told you that herself, if she had lived."

"You think I should try to fall in love with him?" Oh wow... I really don't want to go there with her.

"You can't make yourself fall in love. Either it happens or it doesn't." I look at her and I realize that even if she's fully mature, she's still so very young emotionally. I'm starting to understand what Carlisle was talking about concerning the aftermath in Volterra. There's a whole generation of children raised without mothers, and maybe without involved fathers as well – it staggers my mind just to think about it.

"How did you fall in love with your husband?" Her innocent question knifes through me. It takes a few seconds before I can answer her.

"The better question would be, how could I _not _fall in love with Edward." I sigh, and remind myself that she hasn't had anyone to talk to her about love. "At first I thought he was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. He was like an angel who had dropped down into my world. I was fascinated by him."

"Joham had that effect on women." Her comment makes me feel suddenly defensive.

"It wasn't like that for Edward. He didn't try to attract attention. He didn't _want _that kind of attention. He ignored me at first, and when I had to be in the same class and sit next to him, I thought he hated me. He seemed angry, and was so rude I tried to get out of the class so I didn't have to be near him." I laugh softly as I remember. "He wasn't rude, he was hungry, and he was fighting for all he was worth not to eat me."

"Oh yes, I remember! You were his..."

"Please don't say it!" I interrupt her. "Yes, it's true that my blood attracted him more than anyone else's would. But to call it by that name... it makes it sound as if it's my fault somehow. It makes it sound like it's inevitable that he would kill me. Both of those ideas are wrong. The Volturi have given too pretty a name to the overwhelming desire to murder someone and feed on them. Edward was better than that." She sits in silence.

"I'm sorry, it's not your fault. It's just there was more than blood and beauty that attracted us. In fact, it was my blood that made him keep his distance, and his beauty made me feel undeserving of him. When we could finally talk, he was interested in me because he couldn't read me. He asked me the simplest questions and he listened to my answers like they mattered. I didn't realize he wasn't able to talk to other girls like he did me. He didn't understand why I wasn't afraid of him." I smile as I remember those precious first encounters.

"It didn't take me long to realize I was in love with him, even though he thought I should avoid him like the monster he thought he was. But he saved my life at least two different times, and I trusted him more than he trusted himself."

We pull into the parking lot of the shopping center. I park away from the other cars, in the shadows of a lonely mattress store, just in case the clouds give way to sun. I turn to Colette. "Love doesn't see problems and it doesn't follow your plans. Edward and I shouldn't have been able to be together, but love overcame every obstacle. Well, not just love, it was also his character. He was a good man. But he didn't plan on me, and I couldn't possibly engineer everything that happened to us. And I didn't choose him because of any kind of logic."

I'm not sure she understands what I'm trying to say. But I also realize it's easier to talk about him than I thought it would be. I reach out and lay my hand on her arm.

"Colette, love is worth waiting for. Edward waited almost a hundred years for me, and he was more than I could have hoped for. Don't get in a hurry to be an adult and raise a family. I often wish we had more time together before we had Nessie. Not to say that we didn't love her and want her, but if there was some way I could have spent more time with him alone... we were supposed to have more time." Again I have that feeling that I get when I just can't cry. She surprises me when she reaches across the seats and wraps me in her arms.

"I am sorry, I do not mean to cause you pain. I am sorry my father hurt you so much – please forgive me."

I struggle out of her embrace. "No, Colette. It's not your fault – there's nothing to forgive. You weren't even there."

She looks suddenly guilty. "You don't understand. I... we are not blameless." Her brown eyes swim in tears as she looks at me. "We were promised mates." She looks as if she bears the weight of the world on her shoulders. "We stayed behind, but my father promised the females among us, especially his daughters, that he would bring us back mates. The men of Volterra had mated with human women, and most of their children were not yet mature. My father wanted all the female hybrids to mate with vampire men. He told us he would bring them back, and we were excited for them to win the war."

I can only stare. So many had died, and all so he could engineer some kind of super master race. Carlisle had told me all this before, but hearing it again from someone who had been on the other side makes it more real, and more horrific.

"You thought you had to marry the one he picked out for you? You were ready to have children with a stranger? Oh Colette, that's crazy!"

"He wouldn't have been a stranger. We were given profiles of our future mates. Carlisle was promised to me three years ago. I knew all about him..."

"Then you know he already had a wife! Did you just think he'd forget her?"

"Not exactly. My father would have made him marry me, and I thought... I thought I could make him forget. I thought if I were just..." She lapsed into French, and I knew she was talking about physical attraction and sexuality.

"Did he give profiles to other girls? Was my Edward promised to someone else?" I feel an unreasonable desire to grab her and shake the information out of her.

"Yes. Please, I'm sorry... we did not know."

"How could you not know? He took all the vampire women to war and left the men behind where it was safe. Did you think they would all live and come back to their mates? Or were those men promised to others as well?"

"Please... it is not what I would have chosen. My father was a master at turning lies into truth. He insisted all the male vampires in Volterra mate with human women. My older sisters were mated to some of the most powerful among them as well. He made them mate with different men, to see what powers he could create. Joham's children could resist his charm, but we could not resist Caius." Tears were streaming down her face, but I was finding it hard to pity her.

"Who was supposed to be Edward's new wife? Who has his profile? Who was sitting in Volterra hoping I would die during the war?" I feel my fingers digging into her arm and I force myself to let go. I wish Joham were still alive, so I could tear him apart myself. I would gleefully look him in the eyes and wrap my fingers around his throat.

"I am so sorry. I do not know who had the other profiles. It would have had to have been someone younger than me. Why would you want to know?" She wipes her eyes on her sleeve like a child. "We all did what my father wanted. There were only a few who dared oppose him, and they were imprisoned, or destroyed. We all watched the guard tear Heidi apart and feed her to the flames. Jane and Alec tried to flee, and they were forced to go to war instead. Felix and Demetri..." She shakes her head. "... it came out that they were a couple, and they refused to mate with any woman. They died in the war as well."

"Why do you still want to marry Carlisle, if you're father is dead?" She has to have a better answer than the one she's given me.

"He is kind. He is an attractive man. And we are both healers and we would have powerful children together." She returns to the only argument she knows.

"That's not enough. You're not a pawn in a chess game. You could have any man – any man, shape shifter, vampire, or hybrid. And you're not very old yet, you've got so much time ahead of you. You don't have to follow the script Joham gave you."

"It is sweet that you are so concerned. Carlisle too was upset by my revelations. I am still learning western relationships. In Africa I would be expected to respect my father's decisions until my husband took his place. I will think about what you have said." We sit there, looking at each other, and the somber notes of Moonlight Sonata drift around us. I'd made it through the music, but Colette's ideas and her childlike determination to marry Carlisle have soured my desire to shop.

Even though my heart isn't in it, I open the door. I click the lock as we walk across the parking lot towards a chain story I know will carry kids clothes and toys. I notice a pet superstore a little further away, and decide to make that my first stop.

I draw a lot of attention as I walk into the store. This time it's not because they see me as beautiful, but because there are several dogs on leashes that go berserk as soon as I step through the doors. I've forgotten. My mind is still on Colette's news. I turn around and leave as fast as I can without looking inhuman.

Once outside and away from the store, Colette asks me for a list of what I'd wanted. I mention the dog treats and some toys that would be good for chasing – rubber balls, frisbees, and squeaky toys. She disappears inside and returns in minutes with what I wanted.

"I didn't negotiate with the clerk, was that right?" I have to laugh. She has so much to learn, not only about relationships, but about North American culture.

"You were right not to negotiate. You did really well in choosing what I wanted, thank you." She beams at my minor praise, and it startles me to think that she likely hasn't had anyone to praise her and pay her complements for most of her life. "Maybe you can help me find some good gifts in this store. They don't allow pets in here, so I should be safe." I smile at her

We shop for almost an hour, and Colette helps me find several things for Sarah, as well as the baby. We leave with several bags, and take them back to the car to store them away in the trunk. I want to visit the bookstore while we're out. I need something to keep me busy on the nights when we don't hunt. I find several books on dogs that I'm sure Sarah will like.

I shop for myself then, skipping the romance section where I used to find my favorites. I follow Carlisle's example and shop for nonfiction. I pick up anything that catches my interest, from gardening, to eastern philosophy. As I browse, I think about starting a hobby. Maybe I should actually take up gardening, or learn to play an instrument. Maybe Huilen would teach me how to weave or sew. I have lots of time, and the only thing I can't do is raise dogs.

Colette has chosen a few books in French, and I wonder if I'll need to learn the language too. It couldn't hurt to go beyond my high school french. Once again we make our way to the car. With everything stowed, I remember what I'd been meaning to ask her. "Colette, how does your healing gift work?"

"It is difficult to explain. Come, and I'll show you." We go back into the store, and she begins following a child of about eight who was limping through the store. I'd seen this little girl myself, hobbling around on a foot that's wrapped in a pressure bandage. There comes a time when the girl is out of sight of her mother, and Colette moves quickly. Holding a dress about the girl's size, she approaches her and speaks in french as if the girl would understand. Maybe in Quebec she would, but not this far west.

The girl looks confused to be questioned, but she doesn't flinch when Colette touches her bare shoulder. Colette stands still for a few seconds, and I can't tell if she's smiling or grimacing. She lets go of the little girl with a soft "Pardon moi." I'm amazed when I watch the girl walk away, without a limp.

Colette reaches for me, and leans on me as she tries to put her foot on the floor. I see her wince in pain before I put my arm around her and support all of her weight. In this way we make it out of the store, and by the time we're by the car, she's able to walk again.

"I heal faster than normal, but to heal others, I have to take an aspect of their injury or illness into my body. I feel their pain, and I suffer as they did, until my own body heals it." I'm amazed at her selflessness.

"Do you do it often?" I can't imagine having to go through pain to use my gift.

"Not so much now. Carlisle tells me I should respect my own body. He doesn't like to see me in pain. I used it all the time in Volterra. I have felt the pains of human women pushed beyond their limits with pregnancy. I helped many of them survive long enough to deliver their babies." Her eyes appear haunted for a moment. I remember that the women all died during or shortly after the births, until Carlisle arrived.

I put my arms around her and hold her tight. "You poor thing. I can't believe you did that."

"It is my gift. I really don't mind the pain."

"Carlisle is right, you shouldn't be expected to take on someone else's afflictions."

"He told me that I should decide for myself. I do try, but if I am in a place where there is suffering, it is hard for me to say no. I was present when Karina was born, and I helped Gemma. I was also there when your daughter gave birth, but she wouldn't let me help her."

Just when I think I can't be surprised, she proves me wrong. "You were with Ness when her baby was born? How did it go?" I was supposed to be with her, instead this child woman was there.

"She was very brave. Her husband never left her side, and Carlisle knew exactly what to do. She was in labor for a little more than eight hours before her son was born. It was only my second time seeing a birth that didn't end with the mother being dead, dying, or changed. I didn't know it could take so long." I remember my own experience, and hug her again. I hate that I wasn't there for Ness.

"Did she ask about me?" I don't want to know, but I have to know.

"She asked once. Carlisle told her you were still away." I don't even know what to say.

Her ankle is healed, and she gets into the car. "Is there anyplace you'd like to go before we head back?"

It surprises me that she wants to go to the grocery store. It's been years since I've been inside one, but it's actually fun watching Colette's amazement at the amount of food on the shelves. She's confused about why there is a whole aisle of food for pets, and she stands and stares in amazement at the meat department.

"This isn't your first time in a grocery store, is it?" I smile so she doesn't think I'm making fun of her.

"No, but it just amazes me every time. Until I came to this country, I never knew there could be so much food in one place." She shops carefully, from the perimeter of the store. Meats, fruits and vegetables, and ingredients she insists will make a wonderful bread. I watch her enthusiasm, and I'm sorry I won't be able to taste her creations.

We drive back, with Edward's piano playing drifting through the car. I grudgingly admit to myself that it is a bit comforting. So much has changed around me, and it's one thing that will always be the same. On the way back, I ask Colette questions to try to learn more about her. She talks a little bit about herself as we drive.

"I was born in Brazzaville in the Republic of Congo. My mother's mother told me a story of a rebellious child who was as beautiful as she was wild. She did not know my father since my mother went home when she realized she was carrying me, and told her only that he was white. I have two brothers and a sister before me, and my mother had been married to an unfaithful man. She had left home when she discovered she had HIV. I only know of her childhood, as she had been gone for five years before my grandmother welcomed her back home." She's quiet as she watches the scenery fly by.

"When I was born, I deprived that good woman of a daughter, and three children of a mother. I remember her suffering and the blood. Most of us are born through the stomach, but my grandmother did as much as she could to push me to come out the right way. She placed cooking pots on my mother's stomach to keep me from coming out the easiest way. I was born like a normal baby, but I was born too fast. She tore and bled."

I reach out and take her hand. "I wish I did not remember. There was no doctor or nurse, only my grandmother. She knew I was not normal, and she was afraid to hold me. But my mother reached for me, and I knew she loved me. She cradled me against her weakening body, and smiled at me. I wanted her to live, but I could hear her pulse getting weaker. She told me she loved me... it's the only thing she said before she died." I feel a warm tear splash against my hand.

"I am sorry." She smiles and wipes at her tears. "My grandmother raised me through my early childhood, which did not last long. When my father came for me, I did not want to go with him, but he insisted. He threatened my family if I did not go. He was already established as a tribal leader in the jungle, and he had plans of creating an army of "warriors" like me. Once he found out about my gift, I knew he'd never let me go. I began immediately helping the women he'd impregnated live long enough to deliver my half siblings. All the women died during or after childbirth. He didn't want me to try to save them. If they lived through the birth, he fed on them himself. I hated him.

"In Volterra, I finished growing up. My older sisters took vampires as mates, and began having children. We can easily give birth to vampire babies, and the hybrid males can impregnate both human and hybrid women. My father tried every combination. My older sisters were not given a choice on their mates. It was my gift that kept me from being mated.

"It was a good thing, because I was a young woman with a bad case of puppy love." She smiles and blushes. "I had no chance of ever being his mate, but I longed for the beautiful Caius. He was as pale as I am dark, and to me he seemed like an exotic angel. It is because I could not have him, that I was eventually promised Carlisle. My father thought I preferred blonds, but it was more his bearing that attracted me. He seemed so aloof and unattainable..." She sighs.

"I never liked Caius. He was a cold-blooded killer with no empathy. He killed someone who didn't deserve to die, just for making an honest mistake. Thank your lucky stars you were never given to him."

"I am sure you are right. But maybe I could have changed him. Maybe all he needed was a good woman to love him."

"Colette, people don't change like that. Caius had over a thousand years to become the man he was." I shrug. "Love _can_ change people, but it has to be their choice. It's not magic that can fix character flaws. Besides, he was already married."

"She died in the war too."

"I thought so." I wasn't really sure who had died in the war on their side. I learned of all the horrifying losses on our side as the days passed, even though I was too numb to process the list.

"Do you think you'll remarry?" I try to school my reaction. She's so much a child in a woman's body, and children are known for asking inappropriate questions. I look over at her innocent brown eyes, and I just don't know the answer. A week ago, the answer would have been an unequivocal no, but now I'm not sure. The memory of kissing him sneaks into the forefront of my mind, and I shrug.

"I don't know."


	12. Chapter 12 Jasper

Chapter 12

Jasper

Back at the house, Jasper and Nahuel rush to help carry in our few packages. Jasper seems surprised we haven't bought more, and Nahuel is happy to see groceries. With empty arms we follow behind them, and Colette puts her arm around my shoulders.

"Thanks for the shopping and the conversations. It's good to have another woman to talk to." We let the men hurry into the house with the bags and take our time.

"Didn't you get to talk to Alice?"

She looks around guiltily. "Alice is hard to talk to. She is sweet, but she's just so... "

"...Flighty?" I supply. "Or maybe you mean she's a little bubbly and frivolous?" I remember how Alice was always ready to shop or throw a party for any reason.

"No... she's a little too serious. She's so dark, she scares me sometimes." Her pretty face looks troubled.

"Alice? You've got to be kidding me." I stare at her to make sure she's not teasing me or being sarcastic.

"I'm sorry, I do not mean to speak ill of her." She turns away and hurries to help put away the groceries.

I take the gifts up to my room to wrap them. I sit on the floor with paper, tape, and scissors. My bracelet twinkles in the light, and the wrapping paper reminds me of the time so long ago when Edward left me over a paper cut. He'd tried so hard to protect me from anything that could hurt me, including himself and his family. In the end I was hurt the most because he couldn't protect himself. I hold the tiny little outfit against me, as the pain and memories wash over me.

Time ceases to matter as I sit, just remembering how painful it was after he'd left. I thought I knew real pain and suffering then, but it was only a shadow of what I feel now that I know he's never coming back. He's never going to get to see his grandson in the outfit I hold. He'll never get to hold Sarah on his lap, or teach her little fingers to play piano.

I'm surprised when he kneels on the floor beside me and puts his arm around my shoulders. Jasper still has the ability to lift my spirits. I lean into him, grateful for the comfort he offers.

He looks at the wrapping paper on the floor and his eyes meet mine. We share a small smile over a memory that's hurt us both.

"How's Alice?" I've been afraid to ask since everyone says she's changed. I also just can't reconcile my friend to the woman who let Edward charge into battle, knowing he would likely die. But I'm not used to seeing Jasper without Alice, and she's sort of the elephant in the room.

"She's... " Even before he finishes his sentence I feel a wave of loneliness from him. "...been very busy." He moves and sits opposite me on the floor. I can see his face is troubled, and he absently helps me wrap the gifts. I can see he's had a lot of experience with it, and I remember the Alice before the war, who loved to give presents.

"Does she call you?" I feel like I'm prying, even though we all used to share so much when we lived together.

"She calls, but it's not the same – _she's _not the same. I don't like being apart from her." I look up at him and he looks uncomfortable. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean..."

"I know." I sigh. "I'm trying to get through it... you know? I just want – _need – _to start living my life again. But I miss him, you know? Sometimes I'll turn to tell him something, and then it hits me again that he's gone. Today at the bookstore, I found myself skimming the titles of his favorite books, and I saw that there was another book released in one of his favorite series. And I reached for it, thinking that he would want to read it...and I just froze there."

He moves to me, and wraps his arms around me tight. I hear his soothing words and feel his hand petting over my hair, but he doesn't try to turn my mood with his talent. I'm glad. Even though he could get me through it, I would miss out on the simple comfort of his strong arms and his willing involvement in my grief. I relax my head against him, and just hold him.

I must be getting better at it, because I'm the one who pulls away. He kisses my forehead softly, and we wear twin smiles of sadness as we stare at each other.

"I can feel your pain, Bella. But that's not all I'm feeling from you now." He sits beside me. "I can feel you're actually excited to see this new baby." I love the soft lilt of his voice, and they way he says 'baby' makes me smile.

"Instead of the pain, you've chosen to feel the excitement, and the joy over the birth." I shrug off his words and he takes my hand firmly in his. His intense eyes delve into mine. "I know what I'm talking about. I've been through grief myself, and more times than you can fathom." His other hand slides his sleeve up his arm, pointedly exposing his scars.

"They may have only been newborns, but I _knew them – _each and every one. I spent a year with them; trained them, cared for them, taught them, and became the family they were forced to leave behind. Some were forgettable, and some were truly a pain in my backside. But most of them became friends, and some I dearly loved. You might think a year isn't enough time to form a bond with someone, but remember you knew Edward that long when he left you after your disastrous birthday."

I try to gently pull my hand back, but he resists. "I was forced to kill so many; see the betrayal in their eyes and hear their pleas." He looks a thousand miles away, as he stares through me. "They weren't always killed. Just enough of them were spared, that I always had hope. I held onto that hope even up to their final days – then I would get the orders. I was the one they trusted, and so I was the one they sent to take their lives." I've never really heard him tell his story, and like seeing a tragedy unfold, it's impossible to turn away.

"I knew them, and I would separate them from the group, and take them someplace – usually a training ground. I could easily kill them by surprise; a sharp twist of the head would suffice. But because I knew them, I gave them a fighting chance. It was a chance to beat me, and take my place. As you can see, none ever did." He's quiet for a moment, and I hope he's finished.

"There is a part of every living thing, that _desperately _wantsto keep living. Even those who loved me, or were my friends, would fight me for that improbable chance to live. I did not get bitten by accident, I allowed it. Each bite was a painful reminder of the one I'd lost – the one I'd murdered." His eyes turn back to me, and I can see the agony there.

"Bella, I was an empty shell when I found her. Until Alice, the only comfort I'd known was the feeble physical comfort of coupling. I had friends, but friends were unreliable in my world. Even feeding became increasingly painful, as I could feel their terror and horror as I took their lives. I was mere days away from going to Italy to have the Volturi put an end to me. My crimes would have been all the evidence needed to insure I met a swift death."

I know the horror must register on my face. He pats my hand, and I feel hope radiating from him. "Alice saved me. It's not just that she brought me to the Cullen family, and it's not even about the change in my diet. She was more broken than I was." He lets go of my hand.

"I learned that sometimes you can heal your own pain, by taking on someone else's burden. As tormented as I was by my past, she was... a mess. She would never admit it, but I found her in such a state; she would have been institutionalized again if she were human. She likes to say she was waiting for me – and she was. But she'd become a fixture. She frightened people, and when they tried to make her leave, she showed just enough of her power that they were forced to leave her alone. She knew the moment she saw me, that I was hers.

"I took her away, and I had to clean her up, she was filthy." My jaw drops, and he laughs softly. "You'd never know it now, but she was so ragged and dirty, her clothes fell apart once they were off of her body. I rented us a room in a boarding house, and told the proprietor she was my wife, since I was afraid to leave her alone. She heard me, and assumed the role.

"I had to teach her how to be civilized. She was so wild and unrefined, she was like the proverbial child raised by wolves. I don't know how long she'd been in the asylum, but it was long enough she'd even forgotten part of her name. Years later when she was researching her history, she discovered she was actually _Mary_ Alice.

"She didn't know how to take care of herself, she had no clue about manners, and she would have been pleased to live in her nightgown if I'd have let her. I was raised in a much more genteel manner. I took it upon myself to teach her. But if I'm honest with myself, she was schooling me as I taught her.

"I taught her how to dress like a young lady, and she taught me about childlike trust. I took her to boutiques and shops so she could learn how to use cosmetics, and how to style her hair in the manner of the day. She saw how much it pleased me to purchase things for her, and see her dressed up and elegant. I think it made an impression." He smiles sheepishly.

"Bella, she was a complete innocent about many things. I had to teach her how to blend in with humans, and even how to speak to people. Of course she fed on people then. But she selected her victims based on her visions. She peeked into their future and knew what they would do with their lives. I could pick out those who were walking in hatred and depravity, but she could see who would act on it.

"We did go to find Carlisle and his family. But we didn't go right away. She wasn't ready for people – neither was I. We were in the rooming house for weeks before she wanted to know the purpose of the bed. With no need to sleep, it had become a place to pile her dresses and undergarments. I reminded her that humans mostly sleep in the beds. She surprised me when she uncovered the bed, and laid down, and pretended to sleep.

"Bella, up until then I never even thought of touching her. We may have shared a room, but I was always a gentleman. But she opened her eyes and held her arms out to me, and I just went to her." I gasp as he lets me into a private memory. "Not like that. We didn't make love in the physical sense. But I held her, and I realized I loved her. I didn't even know I was capable of love, but there in that little room and in that old bed, I found my reason to live.

"I went the very next day to buy a ring and apply for a wedding license. I married her two weeks later, in a tiny little country church, with the preacher's family as our only witnesses." He smiles at the memory. "We've been married so many times since then, but I'll never forget the real one. I picked her bouquet from a field outside, and she wore a white dress that didn't flatter her one bit, as it fell from her shoulders to the floor with barely a waistline. She had long hair then, and it was caught up on her head, and her face was hidden under a veil.

"She floated down the aisle toward me, and with a few simple words, I gave her my life."

He stops talking and I can see he's remembering that day. His beautiful face is serious when he looks at me again. "Bella, I know how I feel about her – she's my whole world. In that way, you and I are alike. I knew from the first time Edward brought you to meet us, that you felt that way about him. Your emotions were so familiar, I actually thought about changing you myself."

"I'm glad you didn't. I wouldn't have had our daughter." I smile as I remember our honeymoon nights.

"Bella, you do know can _feel _that, right? You don't know how thankful I am that your human memories aren't so strong." I force myself to think of Ness.

"I'm sorry. I forgot how hard it is to keep secrets in a family like this."

"Don't be sorry. I'd rather feel the good memories than the painful ones."

"Jasper... what would you have done?" I look at his confused face. "I mean if Alice had died in the war, what would you be doing now?"

"Alice wasn't a target. They wanted her alive, for some reason. But Colette tells me that they would have split us up, and Marcus has a daughter who thought I was coming to Italy to be her mate. But if we won the war, and I lost her, let's just say we wouldn't be having this conversation."

"You would have killed yourself?" I find it shocking to think he would do something so extreme.

"Absolutely. I would have succeeded as well." He pats my arm and shakes his head. "I would have been a fool.. The last two years have been the most fulfilling years of my life. My gift has eased the suffering of so many. How selfish would it have been to take that away from them? In the past two years, I've come to discover that I am more than Alice Whitlock's husband. She is my treasure, without a doubt. But I am learning that Jasper Whitlock is more than just her comfort." He smiles. "Up until the war, that was all I desired. I love that woman deeply, but she is no longer my _only_ reason for living."

I put my arms around him again. "Thank you for sharing." I nod toward the presents we've wrapped. "I have three more reasons I need to consider."

"No Bella, that's where you're wrong." He taps my chest lightly. "You have to have a reason in here. Don't pin your life to them; you'll only weigh them down. This life we have is a _gift._ You have to learn to use it." He takes my hand and lifts it so my bracelet is before our eyes. "You don't shove a gift in a box and never touch it. And you really can't expect that someone else will treasure it the way you do. Do you really think Nessie want's a constant reminder that her husband loved you first?"

"Oh my god! You're right. Help me take this off, I can't give it to her now." He helps me take it off, but he doesn't hand it to me. He manipulates it in his dexterous hands, then he insists on fastening it onto my wrist again. I hold it up to see he's added another charm.

It's a tiny sliver present, with a bow on the lid. "You're life is a gift, Bella. Take it out of the box and _use_ it."

"What made you think of this?"

"I told you, I still talk to her."

"So this was _her _idea." I stare at the gift with mixed feelings.

"Not exactly. She knew you were coming home, and she bought it a long time ago. She wanted to give you a reminder of the good times. I of course saw the present, and thought of your horrible birthday. But I carried it in my pocket anyway. When I saw you wearing the bracelet, I knew the perfect time would present itself – and it has."

"Thank you. I'm still not sure what I'm going to do with it." I look at the little bracelet with the three charms. "And thanks for sharing your story. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you before."

He helps me up from the floor, ever the gentleman, and our eyes meet. "Not many can imagine, but I think you can. You love with your whole heart, passionately and completely. That's a good thing Bella, and it's a rare gift." He kisses my cheek, and steps out as quietly as he came.

I look across the hall, and Carlisle's door is open. I peek in, but he's not there. I'm tempted to wander through it while he's gone, but it just doesn't feel right. I lean against the doorway and look at the room as a whole. It's as masculine as mine is feminine. I can see some of Esme's paintings on the walls, as well as one of Huilen's rugs. Something catches my eye, and I step in to get a closer look.

It's a baseball and bat mounted on the wall. My mind drifts back to the game I'd witnessed way back before I was changed. It was my first glimpse of "real" vampires. For all the certainty I'd had that Edward and even his family wouldn't hurt me, I knew instinctively that those three would kill me without a second thought. Again, it was Edward's over protectiveness that almost cost me everything.

I'm not prepared for the anger that bubbles up from somewhere dark and hidden inside me. I feel such helpless rage that so many of my memories of him are tainted with his obsessive need to keep me in a bubble. If they had just stood their ground that day, it was seven against three. I wouldn't have had to run to Arizona. I wouldn't have had to face Laurant in the clearing. And I wouldn't have ever found myself in a tent on a cold night, letting Jacob Black keep me warm.

I feel such anger at the thought of all I went through because he ran with me, instead of facing down James then and there. I remember how awful it had been to break my dad's heart and tell him I couldn't stand to stay in Forks one more minute. I remember the fear as we'd fled, and I remember the horror as I took the phone call and believed my mother was going to be murdered. And all for some sick game of cat and mouse.

Once again I wonder, why he didn't just let James change me. James merely bit me, it was Edward who nearly sucked me dry in his effort to preserve my _precious humanity_. At the time, we had no clue that we could have a child if I remained human. I still don't understand why it was so important to him that I remained human. Every time the subject came up he talked about monsters and souls. Even today, I still want to scream that it was too late to worry about my soul. It was already inextricably tied to his.

I'd secretly believed he didn't want me. I mean I knew he wanted me at the time, but I really did wonder if he was just playing with me. I loved him so completely, I accepted that some day he would lose interest in me, and he didn't want to change me so he wouldn't have to deal with me going forward into his forever.

And then he did leave. Like a horrifying self-fulfilling prophesy worthy of Alice, he left. He abandoned me in the woods. Maybe if he'd left me in my nice, safe living room I might have connected the dots and held out hope that he was just protecting me. But after all the times he'd admonished me about the dangers of the woods, he left me _there_. He left me someplace where he knew I wasn't safe. I knew he didn't love me, if protecting me was no longer important to him.

I'd felt that it was the reason he wouldn't change me. A changed Bella could have followed after him, but a human Bella could just die in the woods and free him. I had been so eager to take him back – so eager to restore our relationship – that I never brought up how much he hurt me. If not for Jacob, he never would have known.

But now all these years later, I realize he _had _to have known. Why else would he so quick to think I killed myself? He had to have known the pain his leaving caused me. It still angers me that he valued my humanity so much more than he valued _me_. If he was really afraid of losing me, he should have changed me.

It's not right that I blame him, when he's not here to defend himself. But I want one more chance to confront the Edward who thought he was a soulless monster. I have to wonder if that's what lead him to his death – even more than protecting our daughter and our family. Did he sacrifice himself to gain favor with God?

"We used to have some good games." He startles me when he comes up behind me and puts his hand on my shoulder. I'd been so lost in my own thoughts I didn't even hear him.

"Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be in your room."

"It's okay, the door's open for a reason." He takes the bat from the wall to show me. "Edward suggested we play baseball, but it was really Emmett's game. This was his bat." He shows me the writing on it. "He wrote down every baseball record, and who had achieved it. Then he broke every one, and wrote the new stats. on here. None of us could really top him, so as far as I know, he still holds those records." Carlisle smiles as he reverently hangs the bat.

"Why didn't you fight James?" The question is out before I even think about it, and I'm afraid to look at him. "I mean if he clearly wanted to kill me, why not stop him right there, when you still had the home field advantage." I laugh bitterly.

"It was a mistake." He's quiet for a while, as he rubs my shoulder. "Most of our kind looked down on us because of our animal diet. Most vampires spend a certain amount of time coming to terms with the idea that they're killers, and they rationalize it in different ways. When they get to the point where they can travel, and indiscriminately kill, they really have lost all their conscience and humanity. Most vampires have done just that. Jasper is unusual, in that he came back from that extreme.

"For us to stay and fight them would have put us in that category. We would have to fight them on their terms, and by their rules. You've seen how fast vampire wars are fought. There is no taking of prisoners or declaring a truce. It's about killing your enemies." He sighs. "If I had it to do it all over again, there's no doubt in my mind we would fight. But at the time I was thinking of how it would look during our trial, if we ended three vampires to save one human girl." I turn to look at him questioningly.

"Oh yes, there would have been a trial. Some vampire rivalries have raged for centuries, so the Volturi would have taken immediate steps to insure a new one didn't start."

"There were only three of them..."

"But they were red eyes. Any other wandering nomads who knew them, could decide to take up their cause. If we start killing other vampires because they feed on humans, we're going against _all _of them. You were special to us Bella, but to any other vampire, you were truly just a snack. Teenage girls run away from home all the time, and their bodies are found in ditches, in the woods, in shallow graves, and anywhere else you might toss a candy wrapper."

His words chill me. I can't help but think of all those "Have you seen me?" posters, fliers, and milk cartons. Now I'm wondering how many of those faces end up as vampire food. It makes me angry that a child could be born, raised, and live for seventeen years as in my case, and wind up as _one meal _for a hungry vampire. Just knowing there is a better way, makes me glad James, Victoria, and Laurant are all dead. When I was in Volterra I saw the beginning of their feeding frenzy, and it just sickens me to think that they don't _have _to be like that. Carlisle's way is so much better.

"I still wish you'd killed them all sooner." I think of all the Seattle teenagers who were turned or killed for Victoria's war. I think of all the Quileutes who became wolves, and I think about Irina's bitterness over Laurant, which lead her to report our daughter, and lead to the confrontation with the Volturi. It all goes back to that first meeting on the baseball field, and a hasty decision to run away rather than fight.

He wraps his arms around me from behind, and holds me close to him. His voice is soft next to my ear. "So do I." I feel his breath against my cheek. "I don't want to be a murderer, but if it meant saving you, I would have put them all in the ground."

His words surprise me more than his closeness. Carlisle has always been a pacifist, and a healer. I turn in his arms and face him. "Why me? Why would you compromise your values for me?" His eyes are troubled, then he looks away from me. "I told you, you're special to us... to me. Some things are worth taking a stand and fighting for. The war taught me that." He sighs and looks down at me.

"Bella, I try so hard to uphold my human ideals and values. But I'm not human, and sometimes I forget that. I've lived with the Volturi, and I understood the reasons behind the laws and the discipline, even if I didn't agree with all of them. I knew to choose a human over our own kind was breaking the law. So when Edward took you and ran, I supported his decision. I didn't know the consequences could reach so far."

"I'm sorry... I shouldn't hold it against you. I mean I don't. I just can't help but think how much simpler my life would have been if they'd never wandered into that clearing that day. What if I had just stayed home?"

"You know it's useless to examine the past. But for argument's sake, let's say you stayed home. James was at least a hundred years old, since Alice was his singer when she was human. He probably would still be living, as would his coven. Three vampires, traveling across the country for twelve years. Let's say they feed every three days – since they share their victims. But let's even give them some credit for more restraint, and say they feed every six days, which is not likely. Over twelve years, they would have killed seven hundred and thirty people. If you stayed home."

It shocks me when I hear the numbers. No wonder James was so casual at the thought of snacking on me. He must have killed thousands before.

"I'm sorry... I don't mean to only be worried about myself."

"Well, a few good things did come out of our dealings with James and his coven." I feel the stunned look on my face. "When he bit you, I think it acted a bit like a vaccination. When you were turned, you didn't have the same newborn lusts we all suffered. You didn't have to spend time away learning how to control yourself. It could have been because you wanted the change, but I really think it's because of the bite. Your body had time to get used to the venom."

"Okay, so what other good things happened?"

"The wolves manifested because of the threat of Victoria's newborn army. I know they don't see it as a good thing, but I think they're wrong. There are Native Americans all over this continent, and very few are doing better than the Quileutes. They're still very strong, they've got their own lands, and their people are not abandoning their old customs and moving away. They still have a lot of poverty to deal with, but even that's turning around since they built the resort. The wolf pack keeps them strong and united.

"And I hate to say it, but if Jacob hadn't wanted to stick around and protect you, he might have run off and your daughter never would have met him." I sigh, feeling like I'm not even entitled to my anger.

"How long did it take you to come up with all those reasons?"

"About five years." He smiles down at me. "I felt a lot of guilt over the way things played out. I had to step back and look at everything as a whole, before I felt like I actually did things right."

"How long will it take you to put a positive spin on the war?"

"Aw Bella." He groans and wraps me in his arms and holds me close. I put my arms around him and rest my head against his chest. I wish I had just a little bit of his optimistic outlook.

It feels good when he holds me, but I feel guilty for sending mixed messages. I wish it was acceptable for us to always hold one another like this. I snuggle against him, and feel him kiss the top of my head. When he pulls away, I'm reluctant to let him go. He looks me in the eyes, and I can see questions and indecision. He steps away, and I look at the floor, feeling guilty and disappointed. I hear the door close and look up.

He pulls me into his arms, and holds me tight. I look up at him and his eyes meet mine. I see the longing clearly in his intense gaze. My mouth opens in response, and he lowers his face slowly. I stretch up to meet him, and our lips touch. My eyes drift closed as I savor his gentle kiss, then he pulls back.

"Look at me, Bella." He's so close when I open my eyes. He puts his hand on my cheek. "I want you." His eyes squeeze shut for a moment. "I can't stop thinking about you. I went on my nature walk today, and you were on my mind the whole way. I came in and found you here, and for just a moment I wished I had a bed in my room." I gasp at his revelation.

"I know what I said, about falling in love and committing. I still want that – in fact I need that. But I want it with you, Bella." He stops to let his words sink in, and all I can do is stare at him. I feel a strange surreal tingling in my body, and he kisses me again. I'm caught between feeling like I should pull back, and wanting to press forward.

My body decides for me, and my arms wrap around his neck, and pull him to me. I want him, there's no doubt about it. But I have no idea what that means to our future. I feel his tongue touch my lips, and mine part to welcome him. I'm lost in his kiss, in the feel of him, the taste of him, our hands holding and grasping each other,, and feeling the silk of his hair through my fingers.

I know he's Carlisle, and I'm not deluding myself. He's just unmistakably different. His height, his taste, his smell, and the way he moves and feels in my arms, are all different. I want him. I'm pressed snugly against him, and I can feel his arousal, and I like it. I know my body is answering him in a similar way, and I want more.

His lips move from mine, and he kisses down my throat, and I moan. He kisses around to my ear and whispers; "I want to touch you... can I touch you, Bella?"

I know he's not talking about an innocent touch. "Yes please..." He pauses, then his lips take possession of mine again. My head is swimming, and I would certainly fall down if he weren't holding me so tight. His hand over my shirt, caresses my breast. I moan into his mouth, and he squeezes.

I feel like I'm going to go crazy with the feel of his hand on me, I want it so much. Then I feel his other hand sliding up under my shirt, and caressing over my bare back. My eyes open wide and I break free of his mouth as I gasp. We stare at each other, and I can see he's as overwhelmed and confused as I am.

"Carlisle please..." With my fingers in his hair I pull him to me, and my other hand wraps around his waist. "I want this with you." I might feel guilt later, but right now I feel nothing but _need_.

He stares down at me for a second longer, then his mouth devours mine. I cling to him and his hands resume their touching, both the gentle fondling through my clothes, and the one beneath my shirt. I love the feel of his hand gliding over my bare skin, and my attention is so divided I can't even think. He kisses me with passion and hunger, and I am so carried away, I can't stop.

And then _he _stops.

"We're about to have company." He quickly reaches behind me and fastens my bra, though I don't remember him _un_fastening it. He runs his fingers through his hair, setting it straight, and there's a tap at the door.

He steps away from me, and I collapse into a chair. "Come in Colette."

She breezes through the door with a smile on her face. "I'm glad you're back, Carlisle!" She wraps her arms around him and kisses his cheek excitedly. I've been baking bread this afternoon, and..." Her eyes alight on me. "...oh, I didn't know you were there, Bella." She looks between us and I'm glad I can't blush.

"I was talking to Bella about my nature walks." He turns and looks at me. "I've found an eagles nest, about a mile away."

"That sounds exciting! Maybe I'll go with you next time, and you can show it to me." She sounds delighted, and she puts her arm around him. "As I was saying, I've been baking bread, and I thought maybe we can take some with us tomorrow when we visit LaPush!"

I'm trying to follow what she's saying, but all that registers is the way she has her arm around him, and the way she leans against him. The mention of LaPush gets my attention, and I'm wondering why she'll be going with us to see _my_ daughter and _my _grandchildren. I sit and simmer while she goes on about books she has for the children. Then she asks if we'll be leaving for Italy from the U.S., or will we be coming back home first. She doesn't even trip over the word when she says 'home.' This is her home.

Carlisle patiently answers all of her questions, while she holds on to him and gives him her undivided attention. To even a blind man it would be obvious she's interested in him. Her mannerisms are clear – her home and her man. I sit quietly in a chair and wonder if I'm just feeling uncomfortable, or do I really feel jealous, as I wish she would just go away.

"Oh Bella, I forgot to tell you, Huilen wants to show you something she made for Renesmee. I think she is in her room now, if you want to see it." It's apparent she wants me gone so she can be alone with him. I look at her, and wonder if he likes her attentions. She's a very pretty girl, and it's obvious our talk hasn't changed her mind about pursuing him.

I stand and step toward the door. He meets my eyes, and I can tell he doesn't want me to go.

"Bella, I still need to talk to you."

I smile and shrug my shoulders. "It doesn't seem to be a good time right now." Colette waves as I slip out the door.

Across the hall, I find I'm close enough to hear her giggle and her french accent, so I leave and head downstairs. Huilen does want to show me what she's been working on for Ness, and I pass through the kitchen, with it's smells of baking bread and strawberry preserves. It doesn't smell good to me anymore, but it does bring back memories.

Huilen has been weaving blankets for both of my grandchildren's rooms. She tells me that Sarah likes bright colors, and she's woven hers in bright rainbow colors.

I have no idea what to do with myself, so I ask her if she could teach me how to weave. I'm sure a human wouldn't be able to follow her nimble fingers as they work the weaving loom. Lifting the heddles to create the shed and passing the shuttle through to create the weft. I watch her intently as she explains how each part of the loom works. When she offers her seat so I can try, I'm delighted at how easy it is to weave the fabric. While I work on the woven fabric, she works on an antique frame to weave a rug.

I hear Colette before she peeks into the room. "Goodnight Huilen – Bella. I'll see you bright and early tomorrow. She disappears down the hallway. I sit back down and weave a few more rows, glad to have the distraction at least for my hands.

I don't realize it, but an hour passes as I think and weave. When I finally stop, I'm surprised that my thoughts have all been on Carlisle, not the war, and not Edward. I feel guilty as I thank Huilen and kiss her cheek before I slowly head to my room.

His door is closed, and I step into my room and close the door. With no need to sleep, there's really no need to confine myself to my room, but with people in the house who need to sleep, it feels more respectful not to be roaming around or causing a disturbance. I pull a book from the shelf that I haven't read yet, and settle onto the daybed. I'm only on the second chapter when there's a tap on the door.

He steps in, looking almost as guilty as I felt earlier. "I'm sorry about what happened earlier, Bella." I set the book aside, and sit up straight. "Colette is... fragile. Not physically mind you, but emotionally she's very tender."

"I know. I had a chance to talk to her today, and she's got some very strange ideas." He comes further into the room. "I don't know what to say... I don't know whether to be upset or thankful we were interrupted." He stares at me, and I remember what his kisses felt like, and what his hands were doing. I look down into my lap.

"I think I'm thankful _and _disappointed." I hang on his words as I look up at him. He still hasn't come close enough to sit with me, or even touch me. "I wanted to make love to you – I still do. When I'm holding you, and kissing you, and touching you, I lose all sense of reason. I'm not used to that at all. He turns and paces away, before coming toward me again. He looks agitated, and he talks with his hands

"Physically I just want you so much. I feel like I'm just this dumb, overstimulated, teenager." He paces. "I don't know what that's all about. Part of me wants to believe it's just a reaction to being alone, and lonely and having two years worth of pent up urges." He comes close, and stands in front of me.

"I'm not convinced that's all it is." He reaches out and takes my hand. "I meant what I said – I want you. But I know we both need to go slow. There are all kinds of pitfalls and problems I can foresee. Maybe they're too big, and it won't work out." His eyes meet and hold mine. "But I want to try. Will you allow me to court you, Isabella?

I feel foolishly giddy, and nervous, and even terrified. He's waiting on my answer. "Yes," I whisper.


	13. Chapter 13 Carlisle

Chapter 13

Carlisle

He smiles, and I'm stunned at how beautiful he is when he turns that rare grin on me. It's like the years, experiences, and responsibilities drop away, and he's just a sweet young man looking at me.

"Just don't call me Isabella – my mom calls me that."

"May I sit with you, _Bella_?" He smiles playfully.

"You don't have to ask." I pat the space beside me and he sits, leaving space between us. He turns my way and smiles shyly.

"I feel as nervous as a schoolboy." He takes my hand in his. "This is going to sound silly, since we know each other already. But I want to get to know you all over again. Can I call you Izzy?" I scowl and shake my head. I had one friend in middle school who called me that, and I never liked it. "What about your middle name?"

"You want to call me Marie? Why – don't you like Bella?"

"I like it fine. There are just a lot of memories attached to it. I'd like to get to know _you, _and I just thought having a new name would make it easier."

I look at him, feeling overwhelmed by all the history we've had together. "It doesn't really matter what you call me, I'm still Bella. We do have history, and I think rather than forgetting it, and pretending it doesn't exist, we're going to have to learn to live with it."

He looks down at our hands, with our fingers laced together. "I know you're right. But I also know this is going to be difficult. I really can see you differently, and I think little by little I can get past feeling uncomfortable. If I hadn't known and loved Edward it might be harder. I just can't begrudge him any loving moment or intimacy he shared with you. There was no one else happier for the two of you than I was."

I smile at his honesty. "So, what's _your_ middle name? I think I'm going to have a little more trouble. You've been my doctor, my father-in-law, and my daughter's grandfather, as well as Esme's husband. I understand some of those are just roles you played, but they were real to me. I never looked at you beyond those limitations."

"Elijah." He smiles self-consciously. "My middle name is Elijah – it's Biblical. I got my first name from my father's mentor since it was his last name. He was a vampire hunter too, along with witches, werewolves, and demons. My father hoped I would be just like him. Elijah was an Old Testament prophet who stood up and did what was right, when everyone else took the path of least resistance. I was supposed to be the one who hunted evil, even if it wasn't easy and cost me my life." He laughs. "My father was a bit of a fanatic. I think I was always more like my mother. She was the kindness that made life with him bearable."

"I still can't believe you hunted vampires. We're practically impossible to kill, especially for humans." He chuckles with me.

"We hunted them, but it doesn't mean we actually killed any. My father and his mentor had learned how to track them through their kills. We were actually tracking a small group of newborns, and they were sloppy. My father was old before his time, and he'd left much of the leg work to me. He'd speak to the authorities and find out about suspicious deaths, and then I was the one he sent out in the middle of the night to check the area."

"You weren't afraid of running into something you couldn't handle?" He laughs at my question.

"I was more afraid of my horse twisting an ankle on a dark road. The trouble is, I didn't really believe in all these monsters my father preached against and hunted. Maybe when I was younger I did, but the older I got, the more I saw my life being taken up with his crazy searches.

"I was a minister like he was, but I saw a different life for myself. I imagined being a pastor at a small country church, having a loyal congregation, and marrying a nice young woman who would bear my children. I didn't long for wealth or fame, just a home and a little stability. I thought God's work could be done by christening babies, and performing wedding ceremonies, and eulogizing funerals. Chasing the evils from the pits of Hell was what my father wanted, but I didn't."

"Why didn't you just tell him? I mean, you were a grown man, and as you said, he was old before his time."

"Father was a hard man. I had two sisters and a brother before me, and he'd pinned all his hopes on me. My sisters both went into arranged marriages, and their husbands were both a lot older than they were. That's how it was done in those days. My other brother was disowned when he began working as an entertainer in a tavern. You didn't dare disappoint my father. I didn't care about his name or any inheritance, but I cared about my mother.

"Each time he bid me to look for some fiend or creature, I dutifully looked. I spent an hour or two patrolling the area where a body or something suspicious had been discovered, then I went to visit my brother at the tavern."

"I thought you were a minister?" I just can't picture him drinking or even just relaxing in that environment.

"I was, but I was getting increasingly fed up with the title. In a way I was angry at God, because I was angry with my father. I had about a year and a half of restlessness and rebellion. I was a man who was still being treated like a boy by his domineering father. He was trying to convince me that I should take a wife, and he already had her picked out for me." He shudders. "Molly was a thirty-five year old widow in his congregation. She had seven children and a lot of land her late husband had left her.

"Father thought that if I wanted to settle down, I should at least marry a woman with wealth. So instead of going to Molly's bountiful bosom, I hunted vampires." He pauses and looks at me. I can't read his expression.

"I should have done things differently. I should have stood up to him. I loved my mother dearly, and I was afraid of being banned from her life. But my rebellion was cowardly. I broke every one of my father's rules, but I did it in a sneaky, underhanded way. I drank to the point of drunkenness, I gambled, and I cursed. And I found comfort in the arms of loose women. I wasn't the man I wanted to be.

"I hate to say, that my last days as a human were spent being someone I'm not, just to spite the man who sent me on a fool's errand. For three nights running, I hunted vampires for the early part of the evening, then I went to the tavern to drink and gamble. I bedded three different women whose names I could not remember in the morning. On the fourth night the vampires hunted _me_."

He stares at a spot on the floor, and I can feel his shame. "I don't know what interrupted him and kept him from finishing me. Maybe he was just too new and didn't know any better. He'd all but torn my throat out, and I knew I didn't have long to live. I managed to crawl away, and I sought out the graveyard, thinking foolishly that they wouldn't follow me onto hallowed ground. I died there among the tombstones.

"Of course you know how painful the change is. I had no reason to be brave, and I screamed all through the night. I was already among the dead, which thankfully kept living people away from me. It may have been unusual to hear someone wailing in the graveyard, but no one would investigate. I shouted at God about the unfairness of my death. I cursed my father and cried for my mother. In the end I was mute with agony, after begging for hours for mercy and forgiveness.

"In the cold light of a morning drizzle, I awoke. I didn't know why I wasn't dead, but it didn't take me long to feel the thirst. London is a city full of people, and I think I could smell each and every one of them. I heard hearts beating, and felt blood rushing all around me. I knew what I'd become, and I was convinced that God was punishing me for my rebellion. I ran as if my very soul depended on it. I passed close enough to people for them to see me, but I held my breath and looked straight ahead.

"Finally I was in the open countryside, and away from most temptations. I skulked through woods and across fields, and had no idea where I could go and be safe, or keep people safe from me. I lost track of time as the days and nights ran together. I was hiding in the woods when a herd of deer came near me. I was so ravenous, I snatched one before I even realized what I was doing. That first taste of blood..." he sighs. "It was warm, luscious, sweet, and fulfilling, and it left no doubt in my mind what I'd become. I was damned."

I try to just listen, but hearing him speak about it the same way Edward had, makes it impossible to just sit mutely holding his hand. I let go so I can put my arms around him.

"No... _no_ Carlisle. You're not a monster. You're kind and good, and considerate, and you would never hurt anyone."

He pulls away from me and takes my hands in his. "Shh, It's okay Bella. I don't think like that anymore. I've moved beyond that old way of looking at myself." He smiles into my concerned face. "I was a twenty-three year-old prodigal son, and I felt that I'd been cursed for a very long time." He releases one hand and continues to hold the other. "I was so convinced that I was facing God's wrath, that I never went back home." I can see the pain on his face, and he doesn't try to hide it. "I never saw my family again. By the time I'd come to terms with what I'd become, they were all gone."

I pull him to me, and he doesn't resist this time. I hold him tight, without saying a word. I know his sadness is over three hundred years old, and I also know his sharing it with me is a peek behind the curtain of his life. He's giving me a glimpse of the man, when I've only known him as our family patriarch. I hold him tight, knowing I can't ease the pain he felt all those years ago. But I want him to know I appreciate what he's revealed.

When we separate, we stare at each other. I can see him in my mind, as a scared young man , caught up in misguided religious dogma. He touches my face so softly, then he leans in slowly to kiss me. I don't feel the crazy, passionate, arousal I'd experienced before, just his soft lips touching mine. He smiles as he leans back.

"You kiss different than Esme." His words send a cold shock through me. "Oh, please don't take it the wrong way... I'm not meaning to compare you. I don't mean to bring her up between us..." He moves his hands nervously as he talks. "I just mean... it's different... I like it." He looks embarrassed, and that charms me more than anything. He is new at this, and he's not the smooth operator I've always imagined him to be.

"Shh, it's okay. I'm not offended." He's tweaked my curiosity. "So, what's different? I mean I'm obviously not her, but I thought all kissing was basically the same."

He laughs. "Nowhere near the same." He looks at me, eye to eye. "You're more open. Esme didn't kiss open mouthed, unless we were making love. Oh no, now I've gone and introduced that image! I'm so sorry, I just want to talk about _your_ kisses." He looks uncomfortable and I smile.

"I know you made love; we have really good hearing, remember? And I'm sure you're well aware that I made love with Edward. Those are facts that are not going to change." I put my hand on his face. "I like you like this. You're so different – not poised and confident like I've always seen you." I laugh softly. "You look like you're twenty-three, not three hundred and seventy-something."

"I'm three hundred and seventy five. My birthday was June tenth." His declaration surprises me.

"O-kay." I look at him and giggle. "I would have thought a man of your age would be a little bit smoother in situations like this."

"I... no. I told you I bedded women as a human. But the women were... they weren't exactly pros... I mean they didn't ask for money. But I bought them meals and drinks and spent money on them. And they rewarded me by lifting their skirts." He squeezes his eyes shut. "My memory is dim on the specifics of those couplings. After I was changed, I was chaste until Gabriella, and she was more experienced than I was. Then there was Esme – also a more experienced woman." His brow furrows. "I think I've simply relied on my partner to tell me what to do."

"Oh... " We stare at each other, then we both laugh.

He puts his arm around me. "Dear girl, we're not going to need to worry about this for some time. Courting doesn't involve sexual congress."

"What?" I remember to lower my voice.

He smiles mischievously. "I thought you would enjoy that term." He looks suddenly serious. "I'm not going to make love with you, Bella. Right now it's all I can think about, and one thing I pride myself on, is my self control."

"What if I want to?" The question escapes before I can censor myself. Sitting next to him, feeling my hand in his, and listening to him talk about his past and his experiences is nice. But hearing him admit that he thinks about making love to me to the point that it's challenging his control; excites me.

"I want to court you. That means spend time with you, take you out, talk with you, hold your hand, and steal the occasional kiss." He does just that. "I've had time to become the man I want to be, and he does not – _will _not – have sex merely to gratify a physical urge. I was in love with the two women I've been with since being changed. I want to court you. I already love you Bella, but I'm not _in love _with you, does that make sense?" He looks like he's again at a loss for words.

"I think I understand; you're a romantic." I smile and squeeze his hand. "I never would have guessed that about you."

"Why not?" He looks amused.

"Well, you've always been the one to make the decisions for the family. You always seemed so aloof and stern, and then there's that control you mentioned. Plus doctor's are scientists in a way. None of that sounds romantic to me." He's laughing even before I finish.

"Esme made the decisions for the family in most cases. She decided where we would live, she picked out the family home, and she even chose the schools. But truly, there were not many family decisions to be made once you joined us. You were all adults, and any decisions we made had to benefit us all.

"As far as seeming stern and aloof, I'll have to work on that." He smiles. "Part of that is just so I appear old enough for my profession. Which brings me to my next point; doctors may be scientists, but they're also humanitarians. I've always enjoyed taking care of people. The control is so much easier because I genuinely care about my patients, though I will lose every one of then." He looks momentarily tormented. "Even those I cure and keep healthy will die of old age."

"I don't know how you do it. I mean even if I could resist the blood, I don't think I could keep the right kind of distance. Their deaths would tear me up."

His eyes look so intense. "I don't worry about distance. Loss is part of living, and I've learned to accept it. Don't get me wrong, it still hurts, but it's natural. _ We're_ the ones who are unnatural. Part of the reason our losses hurt so much, is because we don't expect them. Humans know they're going to lose people they love. Sometimes it's sudden and unexpected, but it's always a possibility, no matter who they are."

We're quiet for a while. I don't think I could ever prepare for Edward's death, even if I was human.

"You're thinking about him." It's not a question it's a statement, like he can read my mind.

"Yes."

He sighs. "At least I hope it's a good memory."

"I don't think I could have ever prepared for his death." I admit.

He stands up and walks to the door. "I think I need to go now." He's about to leave, and I don't want him to go.

"Carlisle wait." He stops and looks my way. "I... listened to his music today in your car. It didn't hurt like I thought it would."

"I chose one of her paintings to hang in my room." We stare at each other. I suddenly feel ridiculous that we're both alone, and still letting them get between us.

"Would you mind hanging one in here?"

He smiles. "I'd like that." I hold out my hand to him, and he comes back and sits beside me.

"Would you hold me, or does that go against the whole courtship plan?" He pulls me against him, and I wrap my arms around him, and nestle my chin in the crook of his neck. "Tighter please." He crushes me to him, and I close my eyes. It feels good, and my fingers find his hair, and my hand smooths over his strong back.

"Careful Bella, I could get used to this."

"I hope so." I snuggle against him, as he relaxes his hold, and turns to look at me. "I was just thinking... if we had died in the war instead of them. And we were like... looking down on them. And we could see they were in the same position as we are now... feeling all the same conflicting emotions. Do you think we would want them to mourn or move on?"

"I would hope she would move on, but find it really difficult to replace me." He laughs, then turns serious. "If it was Edward, and he made her happy, I think I'd actually rest easier."

I press my cheek against his chest. "I spent a lot of time worrying that Edward would find someone else while he was alive. I never felt good enough for him. But if he was here instead of me, I would want him to be happy. And Esme would be better than Rosalie – I think I'd have to come back and haunt him if he did that." I laugh at the image in my mind.

"So, what are you getting at? Are you trying to decide if _they _would want us to be together?"

"I guess I am. Would they be upset, or would they want us to be happy?"

"I think you know the answer to that one. I'd actually spoken of it to Esme a long time ago. Not that I thought either of us would die, but since I was there when she was changed, I didn't want her to feel obligated to accept my attentions. I wanted her to know, I would understand if there was someone else who made her happy. She agreed she would want the same thing for me."

"I know Edward would want me to be happy. But I don't know if I would ever have been so magnanimous." Just thinking about it brings up something that's bothering me. "What about Colette?"

He laughs softly and pulls away. I hate feeling that even her name comes between us.

"Colette is just a child. She's got a little crush on me because her father thought we would make a good couple."

"I know, but what are you going to do about it?"

"There's really nothing to do about it. I'm sure it will run it's course and then she'll realize how silly the whole thing is. I'm not interested in her, if that's what worries you."

"I'm not worried about it. If you want to be with her, just be honest and I'll back off. But if you want to 'court' me, I'm pretty sure she's going to have something to say about it. I got the definite feeling tonight that she thought I was poaching on her preserve." He laughs at my observation.

"I confess I haven't done much to discourage Colette, though I haven't encouraged her either. She's misguided, and I had hoped that getting her away from Volterra would make her see things in a different light. Most of the attention she's wanted from me has been what a child might need from a parent. She needs approval, and guidance, and she craves physical connections. Some of the older hybrids were never touched as children. Some can't stand to be touched now, and some, like Colette, are trying to make up for the lack."

"That's part of the reason I'm so worried about her. I can't help but feel sorry for all she's been through. I don't want to make her feel like she's not welcome here. I can already see this is her home. But she looks at you as her future husband."

"That's not going to happen, and I've told her that much. She'll be starting school here in a month."

"You're sending her to high school?" I can already feel the skepticism I'd felt years ago when the subject came up for me and Edward. They went to New York without us, and they went to Dartmouth College, so there was no need to repeat high school. But I was told I may eventually have to go through those last four years again, to preserve appearances. It's part of the reason we'd decided to stay behind and live in the cabin while Ness was growing up.

"She'll be going to the University of Victoria, with Nahuel. You could go too, if you'd like." I'm not sure how to take his offer. He gives a small shake of his head. "The days of expecting everyone to go to high school are over, and the same goes for college. But it's not far from here, and it's a good opportunity. I've never regretted any of my education."

"I didn't think you went to school."

"Of course I do. I've got many degrees, and many of those mortar boards in Esme's shadow box are mine. I don't fit into high school, but I love college."

"I guess that's one more example of all I don't know about you." I smile. "Jasper and Alice aren't going to school?"

He shakes his head. "They probably won't be able to go again for a while. Alice is overburdened with her council duties. And Jasper is leading the Guard. Bella, going to school wasn't a burden for us, it was something we loved. It kept us current and in touch, and kept our minds sharp. There's a great temptation to become stagnate and detached. It happened in Volterra, and they paid a high price for it."

"Did they have to take us down with them?" I still feel the bitterness, choking me.

His arms tighten around me, and we're quiet. It surprises me how much I enjoy just holding him close. When we kiss, there's still the feeling of being disloyal to Edward. But wrapped in his arms, even in my bed, it feels just innocent enough for me to relax.

"I like this," I whisper. "Can we lie down like we did at the beach house?" His eyes meet mine.

"Trusting little thing, aren't you?"

"What do you mean?"

"When I lay beside you, I can feel your whole body pressed against mine, and it's very tempting."

"What about your superhuman control?"

"When it comes to blood, I know I'm not going to slip. But having a soft, beautiful, alluring, woman beside me... Bella I'm just a man."

His words send a little thrill through me. "Do I really get to you?" I bite my lip as he gazes at me.

"You know, I saw that self doubt in you for so long, I used to think you were pretending. You're beautiful Bella. You were a beautiful human girl, and now you're a beautiful woman." I turn away, embarrassed, but he gently turns my face back to his. "You _are_ beautiful, and you _are_ very tempting." He stares at me, and I can see the hunger in his look.

"You've got this whole dichotomy of being vulnerable and needy, while still being strong and resilient. Part of me wants to comfort and protect you, and part of me wants to... just take you and make you mine, consequences be damned – yes Bella you get to me!" My mouth drops open, and I just stare at him.

"Kiss me." My whispered words are barely out of my mouth, before he's kissing me breathless. I cling to him, and feel his soft, tender, kisses becoming more and more insistent. My mouth opens to him and I glory in the feel of his tongue teasing mine. My eyes drift closed, and I lose myself in the sensations of his mouth, his arms, and his body pressed against me. I feel him shift, and I go along with him until we're lying side by side in my bed.

It feels good being so close to him, and I can easily imagine making love with him. I can feel his restraint, as he tries to keep a little distance between us. He doesn't allow himself to relax against me, and I can feel his kisses are not as frenzied. The attraction I feel for him is still strong – I still want him – but it goes beyond the physical now. I look into his eyes and touch his face. He's a beautiful man, but I can see so much more than his beauty; more than the physical attraction. I stop and reluctantly pull away, and we gaze at each other.

"This is going to sound crazy, but I want to talk to you. I want to kiss you, and hold you, and do so much more... but I want to get to know you too." I can feel him relax a little with my words. "I'm worried that I'm substituting you for Edward, and I don't want to do that. I'm feeling so much so fast – you just overwhelm me." He laughs at that.

"I could say the very same things about you."

"You've got to be kidding me. I'm not the one who's three hundred and seventy-five. I must seem like a baby to you."

"Not really. I did get to see you go from being a girl to a woman, but I'd never call you a baby, especially now." He kisses me softly, and his fingers brush the hair from my face. "In all honesty, there's not a soul you could name who's not a baby next to me – unless you're talking about Aro and a few of the remaining ancients. I'm even older than the governments of Canada and the United States."

"That amazes me. You must have seen so many historical events that I've only read about."

"You would think. But unless something happened on a large scale, just like now you'd have to be at the right place at the right time. I did get to learn a lot from the actual newspapers, rather than history books. The most historical thing I saw, was President Lincoln giving the Gettysburg Address. I happened to be in Pennsylvania at the time, and I wanted a look at the man who presided over such a bloody civil war."

I'm in awe of his first hand memory. "What did you think of him?"

"I must say, the one thing I liked, was that he was fairly brief and well-spoken. But to be honest, I was prepared to dislike him. I worked throughout the war in hospitals and prison camps, taking care of soldiers who'd been injured and lost limbs in battles and skirmishes on both sides. In fact, I owned officer's uniforms from both sides, so I could treat patients no matter which color they wore."

He catches my look of wonder and smiles. "This is a lot to take in, isn't it?" He sighs. "It's one thing to say I'm three hundred and seventy-five, but when you start to put it into perspective historically, it's a whole new feeling. I felt the same way when I spoke to Aro or Vladmir and Stefan. To hear them talk about the crusades as if they happened last week, or mention someone they lost in the inquisition, it makes _me _feel like a baby."

"So, what was the best time in history? I mean if you could go back." I watch the emotions cross his face.

"If I could go back... I'd go back to when I was changed. I'd see my family again." I press my cheek to his as I hold him. When he pulls away he smiles sadly. "Actually, that wasn't a very good time in history.

"To be honest, right now is the best time to be alive. I've seen times in history where there was great human suffering: Wars, famine, disease, oppressive governments and poverty. All things considered, modern times are treating people well. The medical field alone makes me glad I've been able to see this age. There are so many things that used to kill people by the thousands, that are no longer a problem. Women used to have a much shorter life expectancy than men, because they died so often in childbirth." We share a look as we both remember that I myself 'died' in childbirth.

"I treated people with polio, when there was nothing to be done but watch them suffer. The Spanish Influenza affected one fifth of the Earth's population and killed millions. But even simple infections could kill or cause amputation. People died of venereal diseases, and cancer was always a death sentence. Birth defects were just something a child learned to live with, if they didn't kill them. Premature babies almost always died, and if a child made it to his fifth birthday, he'd navigated the most dangerous part of his life. And don't get me started on the folk remedies..."

My laughter interrupts him. "I had no idea you were so passionate about your calling. I mean I knew you were caring and compassionate, but I guess I just thought that medicine was something you did to fill a role. You know, some way to make your family look more respectable when you first move into an area."

He looks at me with his brow furrowed. "I _love _what I do Bella. I mean I _really_ love it. I would want to be a doctor, even if there was no pay involved. In fact I did just that many times throughout my life. It's one of the things Esme and I fought over, more than any other. She was never my first love – it was always my patients."

It startles me to hear him say that. It's hard to believe that they ever argued. And it's even harder to believe he would put someone before her.

"I guess I should give you fair warning as well. I will put the life of a patient above any romantic engagement you could dream up. I know it's not fair, and she used to get so angry with me. It wasn't so bad before the telephone, when the only way for me to hear news was through a messenger. But she hated the telephone, and cell phones were her greatest nemesis. I've left her at the symphony to deliver a baby. I stepped out of our anniversary celebration to tend to a gunshot wound. I even came back from the island after a train wreck. I take my work very seriously."

"How is it that you've got time now?" I wonder how it would feel for him to suddenly get up and leave. Considering how many times doctors did that for me, how could I quibble?

"I don't have a practice here. Not yet anyway." He pulls me close. "Maybe it's not fair for me to want something more. Maybe I should just give myself over to medicine entirely. After Esme died, that's what I did. For the last two years I've been in Volterra, being Doctor Cullen twenty-four/seven. It's nice to take a break, but I do worry about my patients."

"You did say there were a lot of problems to face, and that this might not work out. I'll be honest, I don't play second fiddle well." He looks a little dejected at my words. "But I'm also low maintenance, and I can understand the value you put on your patient's lives. It might take some getting used to, since Edward was always so devoted and available to me."

His smile confuses me in the light of what I've said. When I ask, he kisses me exuberantly. "You're already thinking like part of a couple. You're not looking at it as _my _problem, but one we share. And you said his name without looking as if you were going to choke on it." He holds me tight and the space between us disappears. I feel his body against mine and it takes my breath away with how intimate it feels.

"Bella..." He whispers my name through my hair. "...you make me feel so good... so alive." I close my eyes and just feel him, just breathe his scent and let my hands move over his back. I'm getting used to him, and he's wearing away my resistance.

He looks me in the eyes and he's so close I could kiss him. "I don't know if this is going to work between us. I never would have thought to get over the pain of a relationship by starting another one. But I want to help you get through it. I want to show you that it's okay to trust and to feel again. As much as I would have fought to heal your body when you were human, Bella I want to heal your heart." His kiss feels like a promise, and I lose myself in it – in him.

As the sun rises and stretches it's first rays through the window, we're still nestled together. I've spent hours in his arms, feeling like I belong there. My body is molded to his, and my face rests against his cheek. It's as close to sleep as we can come, and he "wakes" me with a kiss.

"Come on, let's go." I'm confused, since we still have a lot of time before we're leaving. "No one else is up yet, and I've got something I want to show you." I feel strangely abandoned when he moves his body away from mine. We get up and I open my closet, but he shakes his head and leads me out of my room, still in the rumpled clothes from the day before.

We have the kind of stealth necessary to sneak out of the house unnoticed by anyone but Jasper and Huilen.

Out the back door, he leads me toward the lake. It glistens like glass, and I absorb the quiet of the morning. The air feels crisp and there's even dew on the grass. We circle the lake, as the first fish break the surface in search of their insect breakfast. I smile, remembering how Dad loves the crack of dawn when he fishes.

Carlisle leads me past the lake and he takes my hand as we navigate a small pathway into the trees. I remember all the times we've hunted together, and though we're moving quick, we're not stalking or chasing prey. When he stops, we're about a hundred yards from a rocky overlook.

He points at a tall tree, and I can see the bald eagle's nest in it's branches. Even as I watch, an eagle soars and lands. With my vision can see the two fledgelings snapping up the food the parent has provided.

"They'll be leaving the nest by the end of the summer. Almost half of them don't survive their first flight." He wraps his arm around my waist as we stare at the nest. "It takes them five years to mature, and when they mate, they mate for life." I put my arm around him. He's not as slim as Edward, but I like his solid feel.

"If one of the pair dies, the other one won't hesitate to take a new mate." I look away from the nest and meet his eyes.

"Are you trying to compare us to birds?"

He laughs. "No, but it is interesting. Even Canadian Geese, which are known for mating for life, will take another mate if one dies. I find it oddly comforting, that nature doesn't allow her children to be alone in the world."

I hold him a little tighter. "You really are a romantic."

He looks down at me and smiles. "Guilty as charged." His smile fades. "I only hope I'm not building something here because I'm lonely."

"If you are, then you've had an accomplice. Wait, that didn't come out right. I mean... I don't just feel loneliness, I feel..." He turns and pulls me hard against him, then he kisses me.

The sun is fully up, an hour later when we make it back to the house. I duck around Jasper's curious gaze and run for the shower. I can smell breakfast food cooking, and hear everyone awake in the kitchen. It doesn't take me long to get ready, and I spend a little more time packing up for Italy. We'll be leaving from the U.S., so I make sure I have everything I'll need.

On my dresser there's a folded paper that wasn't there before. It's crisp stationery. I open it and read the unfamiliar writing.

Sonnet for Marie

A fragile soul trips briefly through my life.

With father's care I mend her wounded smile.

Then watch with joy as she becomes his wife.

They fly away to land upon the Isle.

Returning soon with worry, fear, and pain.

I feel as if I'm carrying the world

So much to lose for something small to gain.

Her change brings forth a precious baby girl.

Now brokenhearted lost within her grief.

I know the bitter ache she feels inside.

The time within her arms is all too brief.

And truth within my heart I cannot hide.

Like the crocus pushing through the snow

My love for thee continues on to grow.

I've never had a man write me poetry before. Edward had written me a lullaby, and this feels so similar it touches my heart. I want to go and find him, but I can hear that we're getting ready to pack up and leave.

I've got one suitcase, and the gifts for Ness and the children. As we all pile out of the house, the baby is fastened into the car seat of the SUV, and Gemma and Nahuel flank her. Huilen easily slips into the seat behind them, and Carlisle takes the driver's seat. As Jasper stows my suitcase, Colette alights in the seat beside Carlisle. She buckles in with a smile, and her eyes flick to mine with just a touch of possessiveness.

"Come on, Bella." Jasper takes my hand, and opens the door of the Maserati for me. "You don't want to ride with the kids anyway." I feel strange sitting beside him as he expertly pulls the Maserati onto the road behind the full SUV. "We should make the ferry and be at La Push just after noon. Tomorrow, Nahuel will drive back home with Gemma, Huilen, and Karina, and we'll fly out of Port Angeles."

It's quiet as Edward's music plays over the stereo. It strikes me as odd that I've only ridden with Jasper driving one time – back when James wanted me dead. He's much calmer now.

"So, are you ready to talk about it yet?" His voice is soft, and he barely glances my way.

"Talk about what?" I know he can't read my mind.

"Are you ready to talk about the way you feel about Carlisle? Don't look so surprised, I'd have to be blind not to see it – or feel it as the case may be."


	14. Chapter 14 Grandma

Chapter 14

Grandma

Jasper doesn't even slow down as he asks me the kinds of questions that make me want to run for cover. He reaches out quick and takes my hand.

"There's no need to be afraid. I'm the last person who would be sitting in judgment of you. It just seems a little sudden to me. One day you're off drowning your sorrows on the island, and not long after your return, I'm feeling these powerful feelings of...would you like to fill me in on just what I'm feeling?" The corner of his mouth turns up, and I know he's laughing at my discomfort.

"Do we have to talk about this now? I mean this is all new to me, and I still haven't got a handle on it myself."

"Are you making love?" His southern lilt takes some of the edge off of the personal question.

"No. I mean not yet – or maybe never." I sigh in exasperation. "He doesn't want to go that far, unless we're in love and committed."

He nods and smiles. "Nice to know he hasn't changed that much." He glances my way. "It sounds like you have a different agenda." I don't know how much I should tell him. Funny after all this time, I trust the most dangerous of us so completely.

"I want him." My words hang in the air between us.

"That's a pretty powerful statement. I take it you're not talking about..."

"...I want to make love with him." I look over and see I've thrown him off his stride. I groan and throw up my hands. "You're right, Jasper. This is crazy. I still miss Edward, and it still tears me up that he's gone. But when I'm with Carlisle, he holds me and... it's so _good. _ I just want the loneliness to stop, and as long as long as we're together, it does. I just want to feel alive, desirable, and vibrant again. I get so carried away with the way he touches me, his kisses, and even the way his body feels against mine." I growl and shake my head in frustration.

"That's a pretty powerful attraction you're feeling. Does he feel the same?"

"He's come close to getting carried away, then he says he won't unless we're in love. Then he kisses me and I just melt. He wants to court me, but he doesn't want to make love – because he wants to so badly. My god, is this just two years worth of lust, or is there something more?" I look at him as if he has all the answers, and he just laughs.

"Bella, I can't answer that for you. But you're enough like me, I'd have to question if you even have it in you to do the deed with someone you don't love. Carlisle's a good man. You've known that for years even if you didn't think about it. Maybe on some level it registered how good he would be for you."

"You don't think it's wrong? I mean he's practically my father-in-law. Doesn't that disgust you?"

He laughs. "Bella, my last name has been Whitlock, Hale, Brandon, and Cullen. I've been related to this family in several different ways, depending on our cover story. It's all a role play, and none of us are related except by marriage. Carlisle was Edward's creator – his sire. He's been the leader of this coven family for over a hundred years. That alone is the blood bond. Carlisle didn't change you, Edward did. You're not related to him in any way, unless you choose to be."

"So it's okay in your book?"

"Bella, I'm not the one who's going to have a problem with it. I think you two would make a great couple. And if it keeps the two of you from wasting away in sadness and loneliness, so much the better." He looks at me, appearing to neglect the road. "Just be careful. Your memories will be with you a very long time.

"Thanks Jasper." The drive goes fast, and we line up to board the Black Bell Ferry to Port Angeles. Once we park inside the cavernous ship, we get out and go up on deck. The day is overcast, and I stand by the railing hoping to catch a glimpse of an orca, or other sea life.

As I stand there, I hear a small commotion behind me. I look and see Colette squatting in front of a middle-aged man in a wheelchair. She's chatting with him in rapid French, and her hand rests on his knee. Even as I watch, he sits up straighter, and the twist in his spine seems to right itself. She falls backward with a thump, and Carlisle hurries to help her up. She hides it well, but I can see her back is twisted, and she's in a lot of pain.

I hurry to help her, but she has her arm around Carlisle, and she's leaning into him. She smiles up at me with gritted teeth. "It is okay Bella, Carlisle has me now." Still, I put my arm around her so we look casual, as we walk away from the man who hasn't yet realized he's been fully healed. We duck inside with her between us, and carefully sit her in a chair. She's breathing hard and her face glistens with sweat, as she beams up at Carlisle as he attends her.

I feel a tug at my elbow and go along with Jasper as he leads me out of hearing distance. "Make no mistake, that has nothing to do with healing that man. She's putting you on notice that you're in for a fight."

"Why would she want that? She doesn't love him." I can see her leaning into him as he comforts her.

"Actually, she does." His words make me feel suddenly sick. "But it's not romantic or intimate – at least not yet." He looks at me intently. "To be honest it's nothing like what I'm feeling from you. Little sister if he's the one you want, don't waste too much time making up your mind." His lips brush my forehead and he steps away to help Nahuel with the baby stroller.

I look toward Colette again, and Carlisle is rubbing her back. I go to the snack bar and buy a few things before I go back to them.

I sit down beside her with a smile. "Here you go sweetie, I've got you something cold to drink and an ice pack." Carlisle encourages her to drink something,and she grudgingly accepts my help.

"That was a very brave thing you did for that man." I smile as I rub her shoulders. I can feel her body magically repairing itself. It looks as if she'll be back to normal by the time the ferry reaches the other side. "There's no telling how long he's had to live with his deformity. He hasn't even figured out he's well yet. Wouldn't you like to see the look on his doctor's face when he has his next check-up?" I smile as Carlisle chuckles at that. I sit with them, and when her legs cramp, I help massage them until they feel better.

Jasper's words at first shook me up, but then I realized I wasn't going to change because of her agenda. All things considered, I actually like Colette, and her talent is phenomenal. I'd looked at the two of them and it just hit me that Carlisle was by himself. A little voice whispered in my mind, asking me what Esme would do in the same situation if she were here.

As the Port Angeles shore comes into view, we head back to our cars. Jasper sits beside me in the dim light, and I hear his soft laughter.

"Well played. You're going to kill her with kindness."

"I'm not playing. I'm too old for these juvenile little competitions. You know to be honest, I don't want the kind of man who would fall for that kind of manipulation. If a little bit of female attention is all it takes to win him over, then I'm not going to be the one to stand in the way. I've been deeply and truly in love, and I know what the real thing feels like. I'm not looking for a pale imitation." I feel the boat rocking as we near the landing.

He takes my hand in his. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make it sound like this was a game. You're absolutely right; Carlisle won't fall for her tricks."

I sigh. "I don't know if I'm ready for this, Jasper. Sometimes I'm just so caught up in the memories, it's all I can do to function. This attraction... whatever it is, it's a little overwhelming right now." I look at him in the confines of the car. "I often feel like I'm being disloyal to Edward for even thinking about Carlisle. Then I feel like I'm being unfair to Carlisle because I still wish Edward was alive. I don't know how to reconcile what is with what was. And if I do fall for him, then how do I keep from comparing the two? How do I get over the idea that I'll never measure up to Esme?"

He gives a gentle tug on my hand and pulls me toward him. I'm wrapped in his arms, and he holds me tight. He lets me go when the ferry begins unloading.

"You don't have to worry about measuring up to Esme. Just be yourself and don't worry about being measured on someone else's yardstick. People are different, and I've found it truly is like comparing apples to oranges. You don't want a crisp orange."

"What? You lost me there."

"If you start to compare the two, you'll realize they're not the same. But those differences won't matter the way you think they will. Maybe you'll start to enjoy nature hikes and nonfiction, and it'll be okay to miss piano playing. It's okay to miss him, just as Carlisle will continue to miss her. It's not like you've got to make a choice which to love more. Ask yourself this; could you decide which of your grandchildren you love more?"

"That's different, they're children. I love them both the same."

He laughs. "That's not true either. We just don't love people the same. We may not _favor _one over the other, but we love them individually. Anyone who tries to love two children the same, always does a disservice to both. One might need lots of hugs and attention, while another thrives on encouragement and allowing them to do things themselves."

"How did you get so smart?"

"I got my degree in Psychology the last go around. I was actually thinking about opening an office before the war." His words startle me. I'd been so caught up in my own losses and how my life had been torn apart, I didn't give any thought to how everyone else's lives had been affected. "To be honest, I can't wait until someone else comes along to take over the Guard. I'm good at it, but it's not lost on me that Emmett would have been the best choice for the job."

"I'm sure you do a great job."

He smiles. "I know I'm good, darlin. But I'm ready to move on to something a little less physical. I don't want to be busting heads and schooling stupid for the rest of my life. But Volterra is in trouble right now. If we hadn't stepped in when we did, we'd have had a whole section of Europe overrun with unschooled, lawless, blood drinkers.

"As it was, one of the first things Alice had to deal with was the media. There have been some sensational news stories that got out; a couple grisly murders that received national attention. We've been working hard to make sure Volterra is once again the safe and peaceful place it's always seemed. We also discovered that with Joham in charge, their financial resources have been totally depleted. Of course it didn't help that the faith they've tied themselves to has taken a hit in the world of public opinion. Pedophile priests have been bad for tourism." He sneers.

"Do you think I'll recognize anyone there?" I still don't want to go, but the more I hear about all the problems there, the more I think I need to go and see it for myself.

"Aro is the only one you'll likely recognize. Most of the old faces are gone. There are a lot of new vampires and hybrids, and a few... experiments." His eyes darken and he grips the wheel tighter. "Joham really did try to play God. I thought I'd seen everything, but Joham was truly in a class by himself. Well, maybe Hitler and Mengele were in there with him. Bella, he experimented on his own _children. _I swear if he were alive today, we'd have to have a lottery to see who would get to kill him."

We drive from the ferry through Port Angeles. My eyes automatically seek out the restaurant where Edward and I had our first date. Instead I see a motorcycle parked at a bar a block away. It only serves as a reminder of how much I'd missed him when he left me while I was still human.

"...Bella, are you okay?"

"I'm sorry, I wasn't listening. What did you say?"

"I said Gemma and your daughter have really hit it off. She wouldn't make the trip for just anyone. Nessie came to visit when Gemma gave birth, since she'd been through it herself. She knew exactly what to expect, and she was really good at coaching her through it. It was a fairly routine delivery, but the poor kid just didn't know how to handle it. Colette took on a lot of the pain for her, but even still, she was nearly in a state of panic." He looks at me, and I can see he's holding something back.

"What is it?"

"I can't confirm it, but I suspect she's given birth before. Carlisle agrees that the signs are all there, but she doesn't remember it. Nahuel never saw her pregnant or with a child. But we don't even know when_ she _was born or how old she is.. There's still not a law on record against impregnating anyone; human or hybrid. Gemma's experiences have traumatized her so much that it took everything I had to keep her from full out panic when Karina was born. And when Nahuel handed her the baby, she didn't want to let go of her. We were afraid she would hurt her she held on so tight. It took two days before Carlisle could examine the child, and he had to wait for Gemma to completely exhaust herself."

"You think they got her pregnant and stole her baby?"

"I think that, and much more. You know she remembers having to feed on her own mother, but she doesn't remember having a baby. If it was a vampire sire, he could have raped her, and the pregnancy would have only lasted a month. In fact they could have raped her – bred her – several times, and who knows what they could do to make her forget. Her mind is like Swiss cheese."

"That's enough – stop!" I put my hands over my ears in a childish effort to stop the images from invading my head. I can't stand the thought that depravity of that nature exists. But I know it does. I feel ashamed. I look over at him as he drives, and I can tell his mind is still on Gemma and what was done to that sweet, innocent girl.

"Just when I think I've got a right to my sadness, grief and anger, I hear something like this and realize how childish I've been."

He takes my hand again. "You don't need to make excuses for how you feel. You can't shut off your emotions like a faucet. No one knows that better than I do.

"I'll be honest, I was totally unprepared for Volterra. My gift made it so much harder, since I could feel what was behind the crumbling facade. Everywhere I turned, there was emotional trauma. Joham treated his people like puppets or pawns, and he had no regard whatsoever for their own desires. And you know as well as I do that the Volturi operated in a similar fashion even before he arrived. Half the reason we stayed so far away, was because Chelsea delighted in splitting up mated pairs. She tried to weaken my bond with Alice the last time I was there."

It shocks me to hear his revelation, and I have to wonder if she tried it on Edward. With my shield, she couldn't have affected me. But then again, Aro wouldn't have wanted Edward, and he didn't know I was going to be such a powerful tool. He'd always coveted Alice and her prophesies. It chills me to think about what Joham would have done with her ability at his disposal. If he could have foreseen his death that day, he might have kept himself and the leaders out of the combat.

"I don't know if I'm ready for all that. I wish I could just stay behind and..."

"...and do what? Bella, you know I care about you, and that's why I think you'd be crazy to stay behind. There are a lot of memories waiting here, and you don't do well in those kinds of circumstances."

"I know. How long do you think we'll be gone? I really don't want to be apart from my grandchildren if it's going to take another two years."

He smiles and pats my hand. "I don't think any of us want to be apart from them for that long. Sarah's a doll baby, and her baby brother is all big eyes and wonder." I'm glad he's distracted from his dark thoughts.

"You were there when he was born?" I don't know why, but I just assumed that Carlisle and Colette would have come alone.

"Of course, it was practically a family reunion. In fact, I think that's when Alice started getting worried about you. She told Carlisle it was time to go and bring you home from the island. He put it off for several days while he made sure the baby was all right. I think he was reluctant to go to the island without Esme. I offered to go, but Alice insisted he was the one."

Before Jasper can get a reading on my emotions, I block him. He glances at me, and I'm sure he knows what I'm doing. It's as if I've closed the window that was open to him before. I feel conflicted, wondering if Alice saw what would happen between us on the island. Or did she see how far over the edge I'd slipped, and simply wanted to protect her husband from seeing me naked and in pain.

I relax my guard, and smile an apology.

We turn onto the reservation lands, and there's a rusted sign telling us the property is private. Underneath someone has spray painted: _ Trespassers will be fed to the wolves. _ Jasper navigates the unadorned blacktop road behind Carlisle in the SUV. I keep expecting the unwelcoming committee to come and ask us to leave, and tell us we're breaking the treaty.

The treaty was voided the day Nessie and Jacob got married. It was a wedding present to her from the tribe. It's still understood that there will be no killing tolerated in the area. But they understand that we'll be standing with them rather than against them if it comes down to a fight with vampires killing in their territory.

As we get close to their house, I find myself looking for familiar landmarks: The abandoned barn, the tree split by lightning, the rusted out Volkswagen bus, and the ramshackle garage where Jacob used to work on his car. But the garage is gone, as is the old house where he lived with Billy. He tore it all down three years back, so he could build their home on the property.

The two story house he built almost looks like it doesn't belong on the reservation. The lower level is fronted by a wide front porch, with a white railing. The upper level has four gabled windows looking over the roof. I know from my first visit to the home, that there's a lower level suite at both ends of the house. One is where Billy stays, and the other is for Ness and Jacob. She giggled when she told me all the upstairs bedrooms were for the kids she planned to have. As we pull into the driveway, I can't help but think she's doing a good job of reaching her goal.

I'm so caught up in my own thoughts, that I'm almost surprised when Jasper opens my door. By the time I get the presents out, everyone else is crossing the front porch. Jasper takes my packages from me, ever the southern gentleman.

Jacob waits inside the door as I bring up the end of the line. I meet his eyes, and he immediately enfolds me in the kind of hug that knows no boundaries. I haven't seen him since Sarah was small, and I'm suddenly conscious of just how much I missed my friend.

He looks as if he hasn't changed a bit, and I experience a deja vu moment, as I remember how he helped me get over losing Edward thirteen years ago. There are so many differences between now and then, even if Jacob looks like he's barely twenty-one. Edward isn't ever coming back, and Jacob isn't in love with me. He loves our daughter, and I pull away from his arms and the uncomfortable memories.

Nessie stands amid all the cooing guests, holding a little bundle in her arms. She steps away from them and comes my way. My breath catches as I see Edward's crooked grin and his green eyes I never got to see, on her beaming face.

"Would you like to meet your grandson, Mom?" She doesn't wait for me to answer, but gently transfers him to my arms. I stare down at the face of an angel, and his big brown eyes gaze up at me in wonder. "We're calling him Masen Embry Black – at least the adults are. But Sarah insists on calling him Scooby." I can't help but smile at my daughter. I don't need Jasper's ability to feel the happiness radiating from her.

As if the mention of her name was the signal, a little ball of energy charges through the room and barrels into my legs. If I had been human, she might have made me fumble the baby. Instead I scoop her up with one arm and deposit her on my hip. Chubby arms reach around my neck and squeeze me tight.

"I missed you, Gramma!" She kisses my cheek, wet, sticky, and smelling like peanut butter, jelly and milk – it's lovely.

"I missed you too, Sarah!" I kiss her soft little cheek. It surprises me that she even remembers me, but I've been told her memory is phenomenal. She leans over and boldly pokes her baby brother. I'm worried she might hurt him, but he grins at her.

"Put the puppy down Gramma, and let's play!" She wiggles out of my arms while I'm digesting what she called her little brother. Jacob ruffles her hair with a laugh, as she scoots between all the adult legs.

He stands beside me and looks proudly at his son in my arms. "Don't look so shocked Bella. She's been calling him a puppy since he was born. She told me puppies are much better than babies, and she really loves him."

She comes running back in, expertly dodging around Huilen as she launches herself at her dad. He dutifully hoists her up onto his shoulders and she shows me the stuffed animal dogs she holds in her hands. She has to lean over, as Jacob is so tall her head could touch the ceiling.

I pay proper homage to her favorite toys, then turn to look down at the baby while she's distracted with putting imaginary paw prints on the ceiling. It comes as a little shock when I realize I've seen this child before. He looks enough like Jacob, I'm reminded of the image that played through my mind when I chose Edward over him. I had to let go of the dream of the two perfect children I could only have if I chose to stay with my sun.

I don't think anyone could possibly understand the smile that refuses to leave my face. I kiss his tiny little cheeks and nose, feeling like I've been given a gift. I gaze up at Jacob with a grin.

"He looks just like you – well except for his nose." I'd know that nose on any face. It's Edward's. I don't want to let him go, and for quite a while no one even asks me to.

It's Gemma who asks to hold him, and I can't really say no. She offers me Karina to hold in his place. I hand Masen to Ness, and Gemma places her tiny daughter in my arms. I feel awed that she trusts me, especially in light of what Jasper has shared.

Karina is beautiful, and she looks at me with wide, innocent eyes. I feel just a little out of my depth, as Nessie grew up so fast I barely got to hold her as a baby. I was an only child, and I never really spent time around children. After the change it was even harder, since kids notice our differences much more than adults do. I admire Karina, then hand her to Nahuel.

Sarah tugs on my shirt, again asking me to play with her. I offer her my hand, and she leads me from the room and up the stairs. Her bedroom is a riot of colors, with a rainbow mural, and a twin bed full of stuffed animals, which are mostly dogs. Her curtains are purple, her lamp has a pink shade, and her rug is teal blue. The bedspread is a bold apple green, and the headboard is bright yellow.

Even with the chaos of the colors, it looks like a very happy room, and Sarah hops up on the bed and starts to jump, as if it's a trampoline. I grab hold of her and tickle her. Her delighted little squeal reminds me of Nessie. As soon as she pulls away, she digs into the pile of fluffy toys and hands them to me one at a time.

"This is a fox named Annie, and this is a Dalmatian named Polka Dot, and this is a Poodle named Doodle, and this is a Cocker Spaniel named Tessa, and this is a German Shepherd named Grandpa Billy..." She giggles as she passes me the gray furred dog. I have my arms full, and she still has a pile to introduce.

"Grandpa Curly!" She abandons me with her zoo, and scoots to the edge of the bed. She stands precariously on the edge and leaps into his arms. Carlisle's laughing as he catches her, and he flips her up onto one shoulder as she holds out her arms like an airplane. It's easy to see they've practiced the choreography before. He flies her around the room while she makes the appropriate airplane noises, then he bounces her into a soft landing on her bed.

I tickle her again, just to hear her squeal, and she wiggles out of my reach, rolling over to Carlisle as he sits on the other end of the bed. Her T-shirt has inched up, and he surprises her when he blows raspberries on her belly. She giggles and retreats onto my lap, as he pretends to prowl up to her. She squeals and almost climbs me as she tries to get away from him. I feel her heart racing and see her eyes widen in alarm.

"It's okay Sarah, Grandpa's just playing." I try to sooth her, but I've read the signs wrong . She's not a bit afraid, and she scoops up a little stuffed rabbit and bops him in the nose with it. Then she laughs out loud as he swipes her from my lap to hold her up and pretend to chew a hole in her tummy. I watch them play, and it surprises me how fearless and active she is. Then I remember she is Jacob's child.

Carlisle has tired her out a bit, and she again climbs onto my lap, bringing a book with her. She wants to read to me, and I'm surprised how well she does with a book that seems too old for her. As she reads Shiloh, Carlisle sits beside me and we listen to her tiny little voice as she goes through the book she's obviously read before.

As soon as she gets to a good stopping place I hurry downstairs and bring up the presents I bought for her. Ness comes up with me, leaving the baby downstairs, and we get to watch Sarah open her gifts. With each present she opens, I get a big hug, and after three big hugs, Carlisle swipes one to hand to her.

"Oh no you don't, that's _my _hug." I tease, as I steal it back.

"Aw come on, you can part with one. I need hugs too." He makes a big deal out of pouting, and Sarah wraps her arms around him and presses her cheek against his. He sticks his tongue out at me over her shoulder, and I laugh.

"You're going to spoil her, Mom." Ness looks at the clothes, books and other presents, and smiles indulgently.

"I hope so. It's my job, and I've been pretty slack about it up til now." I get up and wrap my arms around her. I whisper so she can hear. "I'm sorry I've stayed away so long. I should have been here for you, and I don't just mean when Masen was born. I forgot you lost him too." She wipes a tear from the corner of her eye.

"I'm just glad you're back and feeling better. " She glances at Carlisle, who's helping Sarah put her new clothes away. "I can show you the delivery, if you want." At my nod, she leads me into another room where Sarah won't disturb us. She lays her soft palm on my cheek with a smile.

The images that flash through my mind feel like daydreams, and I "see" every step of her labor and delivery, from the first sharp pain, all the way to the moment where everyone gets to meet her new son. I'm grateful she's edited out the more painful parts, but I'm happy to see that she was never alone. It surprises me to see her vehement refusal of Colette's help, and it almost brings me to tears to see the way Jacob holds, comforts, and supports her.

I see Carlisle with her the whole way. In fact it's Carlisle who delivers the baby, and he's the first to hold him. I see his first cries as he's cleaned up and then placed in his mother's arms. I get the first glimpse of the tiny baby boy with the big brown eyes, through the eyes of his mother.

When she finishesshowing me her memories, I'm holding her, and my face is pressed against hers. I pull away a second, and then hug her tight again . For just a moment I let myself remember that I could have lost her if not for what Edward did. I could have lost her if Esme hadn't protected her. I remember I tried to end my own life as well. How could I have been so foolish? She has just shown me a glimpse of one of the most precious gifts in life. And I almost missed it.

We spend the day with them, and those who can eat are treated to dinner. I spend time holding my grandson, reading to Sarah, talking to Ness about all that I've missed, and just feeling like I've actually rejoined the living. I find myself smiling and even laughing at the many stories that are told. I think about staying behind with Ness and Jacob, but they really don't need me.

When the sun begins to set, we say our goodbyes. I hug and kiss my family, and promise I'll be sure to visit often. Sarah gives me one of her stuffed dogs to take with me, and I remember it's the Poodle named Doodle, and I kiss her cheeks and tell her I'll take good care of it.

We all head to Port Angeles, and Nahuel's group is just in time to catch the last ferry. The rest of us head toward the small private airport. Up until now I've been able to ignore that we're actually going to Italy aboard a private jet owned by the Volturi. I'm even more aware, when the pilot speaks to us in Italian. It's surreal to go from a simple family visit on a poor reservation, to sitting in the luxury of a private jet.

Jasper does me a favor, and he claims he wants to talk to Colette. He takes her hand, and sits with her in a row near the back of the plane, while Carlisle takes the seat beside me near the front. Even before we take off, he holds my hand in his. I look at his face and note his kind eyes, and his amused smile. We're far enough away from Jasper and Colette, that we won't be easily observed through the tall leather seats.

"I've missed this." His words are soft, and he kisses my fingers that are knit together with his. "I was dying to know what you and Jasper were talking about on the drive this afternoon."

"He knows... I mean he knows that we're..."

"He knows I want to be your lover?" Just the way he says it makes my breath catch. He laughs softly. "I can still imagine you blushing." He pushes my hair behind my ear and pulls me close. "I wish we could be alone on this trip." I feel his lips near my ear, and he places impossibly soft kisses down my neck, and I sigh.

I'm not sure what Jasper is doing to keep Colette's attention, but she doesn't come to claim her doctor from me. I spend the hours of the trip, just nestled against him, as we talk softly about anything and everything. I knew he was easy to talk to, but it surprises me how he can follow me on any track our conversation takes. He can tell me about the developmental stages of our granddaughter, he knows all about the jet we're flying in, and he clarifies a few points about the baby's birth.

For the whole trip to Italy, neither of us read nor turn to other distractions. We talk, and I feel like I'm getting to know him better. He fills me in on what's been happening recently in Volterra, and tells me about some of the people I'm likely to meet. He explains the procedures of the council, and talks about their responsibilities. I learn that he hopes to give up his spot once everything is put in order.

"Leadership on that scale is not my calling. I fully intend to give it up once the supernatural world is calmer."

"So,what does the future hold for you?" His eyes hold mine for a long time, then he smiles.

"I want what I've always wanted. I want to take care of my patients. I want a little peace in my life... friends and family...a meaningful existence." His eyes take on an intensity. "I want someone to share that with me." He squeezes my fingers. I can almost feel it on the tip of his tongue, that he want's to say he thinks I'm that person. I'm not sure I can be, but I _want _to be that person. He's outlined an idyllic life, and I can imagine how nice that would be.

When the jet lands in Italy, there's a limo waiting for us. He holds my hand as we deplane, and I cling to him nervously.


	15. Chapter 15 Volterra

Chapter 15

Volterra

I expect to see Alice come bounding out of the limo, speaking Italian and showering us with presents and kisses. But instead we're greeted by a soft-spoken human man in a uniform. He signals to two similarly uniformed men, and our luggage is efficiently stowed in a black van parked on the tarmac.

He greets each of us formally, shaking our hands and meeting our eyes. "Doctor Cullen, Isabella Cullen, Jasper Whitlock, Colette Cullen, I trust that your trip was uneventful?" As he names Colette a Cullen, I feel a jolt pass through me, and I have to fight not to react. There has to be a good reason; I just haven't heard it yet.

He escorts us to the waiting limo, and Colette seats herself next to Carlisle, while the unidentified man sits opposite him in the seats that face one another. I sit beside Jasper, who introduces me to the uniformed man.

"Anton, I know you recognize Bella, but I don't believe you've been properly introduced. Bella, this is Anton Moretti. Anton is our right-hand man when we're in Italy. I have yet to see anything he cannot do. If you need something... anything from the private phone number of the Prime Minister, to directions to the bathroom, Anton is the one to see. And just in case you're wondering, he does know what we are, and no, he isn't wanting to be turned himself."

Anton smiles broadly and reaches around Jasper to shake my hand again. "It's nice to make your acquaintance, Bella. It's true. My wife and children would be most distressed if I were to become a vampire. My wife is arguably one of the best cooks in Italy. Living forever just wouldn't be worth it, without her cooking."

"Bella..." Carlisle interrupts. "...I'm sure you remember the law used to forbid human knowledge of us. But we've discovered that the residents of Volterra are well aware of us, and have been for as long as the Volturi coven has occupied the city. I know to you the Volturi are all vampires. But the human residents of Volterra are called Volterrani, and Anton is one of them. He can trace his lineage back for five hundred years. He has journals from his ancestors, documenting evidence of the supernatural activities they witnessed."

Anton continues, "It saddened us all to see what happened with the arrival of the new blond-haired one. We went quickly from feeling safe in our homes, to feeling like our lives could be taken in a moment. Many women disappeared over the years, and our children had a curfew to have them home before dark. For ten years we had no one on the streets after dark. We passed Good Samaritan laws, which required people to take in strangers from the streets. And still we had many disappear."

"I thought Joham was from South America. Why wouldn't he have brown or black hair?" I look between Carlisle and Anton.

Carlisle answers, "Bella, the best we can guess is that Joham was not native to South America. I suspect since the earliest Europeans to travel there regularly were Dutch slave traders, Joham was one of them. It would certainly fit with his ideas of enslaving entire populations. It would also fit with the descriptions of him with red or blond hair."

I sit quietly digesting the information. Anton opens a briefcase and passes out folders to all but Colette. I remember Carlisle is on the council, and Jasper heads the guard. I'm confused why I'm included, then I remember I'm taking Nahuel's place.

"I've prepared a brief to keep you abreast of what's happened since you were here last." I feel out of place as we're treated like world leaders. I'm sure Anton knows I'm not any more qualified to be in charge than the average college sophomore. But still he includes me as he goes over the last few months of news. He helps me out when I have questions, and he shows great respect to Carlisle and Jasper.

When the walls of the city appear I'm reminded of my only other visit to the place, when Edward was trying to force them to kill him. I can still remember my terror that we would be too late and I would lose him. Then again when I feared they would kill us both for being in love.

"Anton..." He looks my way. "What would you or your neighbors think if they saw one of us in the sun without being covered?"

His laugh catches me by surprise. "Bella, we have all compared our notes over time, and we've come up with a comprehensive overview of everything you can and cannot do. We knew the main powers of the old ones. We know that you drink blood and have no control in the presence of blood. We know you are not affected by holy items and can walk in the sunlight. We all know about the sparkle – in fact it's always a challenge to catch a glimpse of it – like touching a bull at Pamplona. To see one of you in the sun uncovered would have been a thrill. We already had stories to tell the tourists if they saw. It really isn't that big a deal."

I'm shocked. They would have killed Edward for nothing. They _did_ kill him... but for a far more sinister reason. The shadow passes over us as we drive through the gateway. I remember the narrow cobblestone streets and the crowds and market stands. But the crowds are almost gone. There are some people outside, but the tourists seem to have disappeared.

Anton draws my attention back. "Bella, Volterra has played host to the vampires for so long that it's become a symbiotic relationship between the humans and the vampires. The tourists came to see them as they played a part in the local religious traditions. They upheld the history, the ceremony, and the pomp of a bygone era, and we benefited from the tourist income."

"But they were murderers. How could you stand them living among you?" I can still remember the bus full of tourists that came to visit and never left.

He sobers. "We couldn't make certain that no innocent died here. But we had a group that worked hard to make sure they were few. Heidi brought the buses of _tourists_ to feed them. But our people saw that the buses were filled. We lured them from courtrooms and prisons, from drug houses, and from gangs. We lured them online with promises of underage children they could molest. We looked for criminals and lowlifes, and we got them to Heidi. Sometimes they brought the innocent with them, but we did try to save as many as we could."

He looks at my disapproving face. "Bella, they were going to feed, no matter what we did. We did our best to limit their choices. There were also those from Volterra and the area around us who _chose _to become food. The aged and feeble, the terminally ill, and sadly the young and suicidal have all made their way to them. Our faith does not allow for suicide, but going into the Volturi stronghold to be murdered was an acceptable way out."

I'm horrified, and my imagination takes a crazy turn as I think of all the people who have been fed to hungry vampires over the centuries. We pull up outside the very place featured in my tortured thoughts. Another uniformed man opens the door, and I step out into an overcast morning, gazing up at the ancient stone edifice. I feel rooted to the spot, and it's only Carlisle's hand holding mine that draws me inside the place of nightmares.

Our footsteps echo in the open space and we pass the girl sitting at the reception desk, unopposed as Anton leads us past. Through corridors both ancient and modern we head deep into the complex. I'm surprised that there are no robed figures. Instead there are the uniforms, as well as human business attire.

Carlisle's voice is soft as he walks beside me, still holding my hand. "The robes are almost all gone. We only use them for ceremonial purposes now. The guard is in uniform, but all others are expected to dress like they're going to work or school."

We pass a knot of young men whose eyes are glued to Carlisle. I almost laugh when realize they've copied his hairstyle and clothes as if they were dressing in his closet.

"They see you as a leader." I turn to look at them, and they're all watching us pass.

He laughs softly. "Until I arrived, they believed men were brutal, controlling, and uncaring."

"Where are we going?" We're standing in front of an elevator about to go up.

"We're going to the residential section. Most of our kind don't need to sleep, so they don't have private rooms. They're assigned a closet for their personal possessions, and if they choose, they can rent a room. But since we're on the council we are afforded quarters. You'll be staying in Nahuel's room, and Colette is a hybrid, so she has her own room when she visits." She smiles sweetly from where she clings to his left arm.

We ride up three floors and the doors slide open. The hallway is carpeted and it reminds me of an expensive hotel. Colette kisses both his cheeks and hugs him, then she waves goodbye as she heads down the hallway to the left. We turn to the right.

"The council members are on this hallway. Eventually we'll have the council spread out, and conduct most business through video conferencing. With all of us together, we're too vulnerable. "

I hardly recognize him when one of the doors opens and he backs into the hall. "... I don't care who made the mess, just clean it up before I get back!" He seems surprised to see us, but he composes himself quickly. He smooths his hair into place and straightens the black tie over his red shirt. He looks so uncharacteristically flustered, but then he's the epitome of grace as he steps forward with a smile.

"Carlisle, I didn't know you were here." My hand slides limply from his as I step away, and Aro embraces him like a long lost brother. He kisses the air over both cheeks. "Tell me, you must have some secret fatherly advice for dealing with _teenagers._" He says the word like he's bitten into something particularly sour.

As if on cue, the door opens again and a stunning young woman steps out. Her long legs disappear into the tiniest black miniskirt I've ever seen, and I catch happily married Anton staring at the cleavage her mostly unbuttoned blouse displays in abundance. Dark curls cascade around her face and down her back, and she poses on impossibly high heels, with one hip out and a red-lipped pout on her gorgeous face.

"I am _not _going to get stuck cleaning up that filth, just because your son cannot clean up after himself. I refuse – I'm serious, Papa – you cannot make me! I'm meeting Vito for breakfast in fifteen minutes, and I haven't got time for this juvenile treatment." She petulantly sulks with her arms crossed over her chest, showing her age as much younger than she appears.

"You will do as you are told. And you will not be meeting any boy dressed like that. You are to behave and dress in the manner of my daughter, not a common whore!"

"Aro..." Carlisle steps between him and his daughter. "...may I?" Aro waves him on with a graceful flourish of his black gloved hand, then he too sulks.

"Hello, Arianna." Carlisle smiles disarmingly and puts his hand on her shoulder. "I take it you really like this boy, Vito?"

She blushes, smiles and nods, suddenly shy.

"Well, if you really like him, then might I suggest you dial it back a few degrees? You're a beautiful girl, and he'd have to be blind not to see that. You don't have to put everything on display for him. Young men love the challenge of the hunt. They want to pursue the object of their affection, not have it fall into their lap with no effort." Her hand covers her cleavage as she listens raptly.

"I promise, he will notice you, especially if you don't dress so provocatively. If you change into something more demure, he will see your beautiful brown eyes, and your sweet smile. Keep him guessing for as long as you can about what's hidden under your clothes. He will move heaven and earth to be the one to get close to you. Showing everything like this will just make him feel like you're sharing it with every other boy. If you meet him like this, he will know you're 'hot,' but he won't get to know you beyond that."

"Are you sure?" She looks like she wants to believe him.

"I had three sons, and I know the girls they chose for their wives would never have met them dressed like this." I never would have, but Rosalie could have rocked that outfit. "If you really want this Vito to like you, let him pursue you. Make him get to know you. Require more of him than any other girl, and maybe he will surprise you and rise to your expectations."

"But what if he doesn't?" She turns her enormous eyes up at him.

He laughs. "Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't meet your expectations? Trust me, any man worth having will not let you down." She smiles and kisses his cheek, leaving a red mark behind. Aro clears his throat as she turns to head back into the apartment.

"Arianna, one more thing..." Carlisle smiles toward Aro in a way she can't see. "...as part of a family, everyone has to pitch in to help out occasionally. I'm sure any mess inside won't take more than five or ten minutes to clean up."

"But Vito is waiting!" she whines.

"Good. If he has to wait five or ten minutes for you, it will heighten his anticipation. Your family will be with you forever, so you should treat them with the utmost love and respect. It's how you have peace in your home. Doesn't that make sense?"

"Yeah... I guess." She looks resigned, not only to changing out of her outfit, but to cleaning up whatever mess is inside the apartment. She turns and disappears behind the door.

"Thank you. I don't know how you do it – these children are impossible!" Aro throws his hands in the air.

"They're _children;_ they're supposed to be irrational, demanding, irritating, and impossible at times. They need to be taught how to behave." Carlisle lowers his voice and puts his arm around his shoulders, leading him a few steps away. Still I'm sure Jasper can hear as well as I can. "If you yell at her and compare her to a whore, she will become the very thing you fear. I know she's the equivalent of a fifteen year-old. But she needs to be socialized as if she's much younger. What seems like common sense to you won't even cross her mind, unless you teach her."

"But they gang up against me! I am the enemy in their eyes, and they don't show me respect – you saw her." Aro looks like he's truly out of his depth. I never would have thought it was possible.

Carlisle laughs. "It comes with their age. Right now they're fifteen, sixteen, and seventeen – the trifecta of terror. They treat you like the enemy, because you _are _the enemy. You're the authority and they are not going to like that. But your job isn't to be liked, it's to raise them to be responsible adults." He whispers conspiratorially. "The good thing is, if you do it right they won't like you, they'll _love _you. And even if you do it wrong, as long as you love them you can always try to fix it.

Aro humphs. "Easy for you to say, yours are all raised."

"Love them first, Aro. Loving fathers don't call their daughters whores. She's just a child, and the things her mother should have taught her now fall to _you_. Praise them when they do good. Tell them what you expect from them when they're calm. Be fair, and be careful which battles you choose to fight, unless you want to be at war with them all the time."

The door opens and Arianna steps into the hall again. She's still wearing the miniskirt, but she's added black tights and lower shoes. Her blouse is buttoned up to her neck. Carlisle turns to look at her with a smile.

"Much better, Arianna. You look lovely, don't you think so, Bella?" I'm surprised he's pulled me into it. I look at her a moment then I move closer.

"Hi Arianna... can I help you a little?" Her brows draw together and she looks at me with suspicion. Then recognition dawns on her face, and she looks awed.

"You're the First Mother Who Lived! You want to help me?"

"Just a little..." I unbutton her top two buttons, and Aro growls. She has a pretty scarf tied to the strap of her bag and I untie it and slip it around her neck, letting the bright colors cover the skin I've exposed. I reach into my purse and take out a tissue. "Stick out your tongue." She obeys, and I moisten the tissue the way my mother would have done it. I gently dab off some of her overdone eye make-up, then wipe most of her red lipstick onto the tissue.

"When you're young and beautiful, you don't need all the make-up. You've got just enough stain on your lips for color, and you won't leave marks when you eat or drink. If you want to add a little more drama, go for a little clear gloss. And the next time you have your manicure done, you might want to opt for something lighter." I lean in and whisper with a smile; "red makes you look like a vampire." She giggles.

"There, now you look like you're ready for breakfast. Vito doesn't stand a chance. Isn't she pretty, Aro?" I hate speaking his name, but the woman-child needs to hear her father's approval.

"Always." He surprises me when he hugs her and whispers into her hair, "I am sorry I compared you to a whore. Come, I will escort you to breakfast. Vito needs to know that you are valuable, and your father is watching over you." She groans, but Carlisle smiles and nods as they pass us by on the way to the elevator.

"You did really good, Bella. I couldn't have fixed her make-up, and you gave her advice she can carry into the future." Carlisle smiles at me then takes my hand.

"Is this what you meant when you told him to praise his children when they do good?" I grin at him.

"I've got news for you, it works on adults too. Everyone enjoys praise." We continue walking down the hall

"Well then, you handled that very well. I almost felt sorry for Aro, having three teenagers at home. Then I remembered there are three dead women who will never get to see their children." I can't help the anger that comes out at the thought.

"Yes, you're right." He sighs. "This is a story repeated all over this place. Almost every hybrid has left behind a dead mother. The sad thing is, until we got here, they weren't being raised by anyone. They were schooled in academics, but not really taught. They went from learning their lessons, to training for Joham's army. There is a complex outside the city where they were kept. They went to school, trained, ate, and slept there. From the outside it looked like a private school, but from the inside it was a prison. They knew of their fathers, but there was very little interaction between them."

I can't imagine growing up without parents. I've always had to choose between Mom or Dad, but I always had someone.

"We've turned the facility into an actual school. There's no military training, and no dormitory. We've added a high school, and they're taught a curriculum that includes several languages, as well as knowledge of the world. We want them to be ready to leave Volterra and settle in other places around the world. We've just begun accepting humans into the program as well. They're from the area, and they know the secrets, but that won't always be true, and the school will teach them how to integrate into the human world."

"Isn't that what Joham wanted?"

"Not exactly. He wanted them to be like a sleeper cell, which could be called upon to carry out deadly attacks. We just want them to be able to live productive lives." We stop at a door and he swipes a card, then hands it to me.

"This is Nahuel's room where you'll be staying." I peek inside at the utilitarian room. I don't want to go inside and be alone.

"I'm across the hall." He points one room up, diagonal from mine. "We've got a meeting at ten, so you've got three hours to change and clean up. Jasper and Alice are at the end of the hall." I see Jasper disappear into the room, and I hadn't even noticed when Anton left. We're alone in the hall.

"I don't need that much time. I don't want to be alone here." His gaze holds mine and he steps forward, and I back into the room. The door clicks closed behind us and I stare at him. There are so many questions I want to ask and so much I want to talk about. But his eyes are drawing me in, and as I sway toward him, my lips part.

I'm getting used to the softness of his kisses, but they still take my breath away. His hands on my face hold me gently, as his lips work their magic. His tenderness is a counterbalance to the way I just want to devour his mouth with passionate, hungry, insistent kisses. Instead I let him lead me, feeling a slow ache building within me.

He pulls away from me, then his gaze falls on Nahuel's full sized bed. I can almost read his thoughts, and I pull him toward it.

"Bella, this is not good. I want you, and this is just too much temptation." I sit down on the edge, and look up at him.

"I just want to hold you. I love to feel your arms around me and your body pressed against me. I'm not trying to seduce you... I just want to be with you." He groans and runs his fingers through his hair. He relaxes onto the bed, and I snuggle against him.

"Do you have any idea how hared it is to resist you? You are far more tempting than Arianna in her earlier get-up." He kisses me as we lie together.

"Maybe you're irresistible too." I kiss him boldly as my fingers run through his silken hair. "You've been amazing the last twenty-four hours. I loved our nature walk and the eagle's nest. I missed being beside you on the drive to the ferry. Seeing you with Ness and her family was just priceless. They all love you and I can see we're in each other's lives no matter how this works out. We're Grandma and Grandpa to those precious babies. You're so good with them, and I just wanted to hold you and kiss you, and lay claim to you then and there." A smile lights his face.

"Being on the plane with you for all those hours gave me a chance to get to know you better. Maybe we are moving fast, but I like what I'm learning about you. I've only seen you as an icon for so long, and now I'm seeing you as a man. You're an incredible man, Carlisle. You're kind, and wise, and patient, and humble... and sexy."

"Bella..." His breathless utterance is followed by passionate kisses that sweep me along like a leaf on a raging river. He surrounds me. His hands touch and caress me, and his mouth possesses mine. Our tongues play and explore, and every breath I take tastes like him.

I hold him so tight, and my hands seem to have a mind of their own. As much as I got to know him on our trip here, they want to know him physically. From his hair I caress over the muscles of his shoulders. Down the furrow of his spine, to the small of his back. Then they go further – past his waist to the curve of his firm behind. He moans into our kiss, and I can't make my hands stop touching him. Where I was once used to the feel of a slimmer man, Carlisle has flesh and firmness, and I enjoy the feel of him.

When he moves, over me, I feel his weight settle on me and sigh. Feeling him pressed against my body is heavenly, and I renew kissing him with a passion that won't listen to reason. Two things that should put on the brakes and make me slow down, instead steal my will.

He is aroused. I can feel him through our clothes. He feels large and hard, just pressing against my pelvis like he belongs there, and part of me insists that he does. Just when I feel like every one of my nerves is feeling that part of him, he refocuses my attention.

His hand on my breast makes me moan and arch into him. His hardness presses against me, and his hand squeezes me, and I voice a sound of desire and lust so primal there is no mistaking the reason. If it were not for our clothes in the way, we would be making love.

"Make love to me, Carlisle. Please." I feel his body respond to my words, and he grinds himself against me. His hand possesses my breast, and he squeezes the peak through my blouse. His mouth crashes down onto mine, and for just a second I have a glimpse of the enormity of his pent-up passion. I had imagined making love with him would be gentle, but there is just as much chance that if he really let go, it could be a scorching hot release.

He gets up suddenly, and I think at first it's to undress. But he paces away from me.

"My god, Bella!" His eyes are tortured as he looks at me. I sit up feeling light-headed and confused. "You would tempt a saint!"

"But I want you..." I don't know what else to say. I feel the sting of rejection, and the disappointment of unfulfilled desire. I was ready to feel his naked body against mine, and feel his beautiful hardness inside me. Instead he's looking at me as if I was forcing him to jump into a live volcano, and he's barely resisted in time.

I draw my knees up and look away from him. I've felt rejection before. But in my human memory, it wears the face of Edward trying to protect me; not Carlisle looking as if I'd almost forced him to drink acid.

"No. Don't do that, Bella. _Please._" He crosses the floor in two quick strides, and sits on the edge of the bed beside me. He pulls me against his chest and holds me tight. "It's not your fault, dear girl. I'm not rejecting you. I _want _to make love to you – I want it so bad it hurts." He groans. "If I go further, I'm lost. I can't come back from there. If I know you as a woman, you will _be _my woman. If I make love to you, I will love you forever."

I wish his eyes were still blue as his golden gaze is so intense. He stares into my eyes and touches my face. "I am barely hanging on here. I want to fall in love with you, and make love with you, and make you my wife and my everything. You're like a drug. The more I get of you, the more I want."

"I feel the same way about you." A lock of his hair has fallen onto his forehead, and I sift it through my fingers. "I get so carried away when I'm with you. This feels so good to me... I just wish I could trust what I'm feeling."

"What are you feeling, Bella?" He kisses my temple.

"I feel like I'm falling in love with you. Then I wonder if I'm only trying to recapture the way I used to feel. I miss being in love. I miss the connection I had with Edward. I want it so bad, I can't be sure if it's you, or wishful thinking." He holds me tighter.

"I will always miss Esme. She's always going to be a part of me. But you're not Esme, and what I'm feeling for you has nothing to do with what I shared with her. Does that make sense to you?"

"Yes."

"Good. I can trust what I feel for you, because it's different this time. You're a different person, and I feel like we could be great together."

"How would it be with us? What would be different?" He's holding me, and I can feel the passion has been reduced to a simmer.

"I don't see you as the stay at home mom, like Esme, and I can't promise to be your devoted shadow like Edward. I want to see you become your own woman. There's a strength in you that you've barely tapped. You could do amazing things with your life, and I'd like to be there to see it."

"I think you may be seeing something that isn't there. I'm just an ordinary girl."

He laughs and kisses me quick. "You are anything_ but _ordinary." He relaxes against the headboard of the bed and I snuggle against him. "Whatever you do, I would support you."

He turns my face up to his. "If you were mine... we could make love." He closes his eyes tight, and opens them to stare into mine with the intensity of a lover. "The things I want to do with you... " He groans. "You're so passionate it takes my breath away. I really believe I could leave my patients, if I knew you were waiting for me."

"Would you always try to protect me?" He's quiet for a while. I think he senses the way I've always felt about Edward's overprotective nature.

"We're practically indestructible and we could live forever. I don't see a reason to protect you from physical pain." He rubs his cheek against mine. "But as far as things that could hurt you emotionally, I think I'd rather console you than try to guard you. I don't want to be critical of him, but Edward always thought you were more fragile than you were. Even after the change he felt he had to protect you. I don't think I could be like that. When I look at you I see a strong, capable woman. I think Edward saw a little girl sometimes."

"I liked that sometimes." It feels strange to admit that to him. "I took care of my mom in Phoenix, and I took care of Charlie too. It was hard getting used to someone taking care of _me. _Sometimes it drove me nuts... but sometimes I liked it."

"He treated you like a nineteen-twenties girl."

"How do I know you won't do the same – or worse?"

"You don't. I might do just that." He smiles. "But I hope I would know you better. Again, I don't want to presume to understand your relationship. But I know Edward relied on his gift to tell him about people. He didn't have that with you, so he had to rely on his second language. I'm not sure he had a grasp of the twenty-first century woman."

"You might be right. Does it bother you to talk about him like this?" I'm surprised it doesn't bother me.

"It's always going to bother me a little bit. But I think it helps me to know I share him with you."

"That's a nice way to put it. I guess it's better than thinking you're sharing me with him." He groans, and runs his fingers through his hair.

"Don't think I haven't thought of that already. Bella, there are those who will think like that, and some will be disgusted by the mere idea of us being together. That's one of the issues we'll have to face if we become a couple. I'm not even sure if the criticism will only come from outside our family. I think Rosalie might have a problem with it."

"I don't think so. She's changed a lot in the last two years, and we've grown very close. I think she would want us to be happy." It surprises me that we're actually talking about becoming a couple. "I think Ness will have a problem. She loves you, but I think she'll have a problem with anyone who takes her daddy's place. And Jacob will probably really think it's sick."

"Jacob thought it was sick that you wanted Edward."

I giggle. "He really hated him, then he had to go and become his son in-law. I'm not looking forward to those conversations." I lapse into silence and we just hold each other for a while.

"Carlisle, what are we doing here? Are we talking about what might be, or making plans on becoming a couple?"

He shifts, and I turn to look at him. He kisses me softly. "If you're ready... I'd like to make this public. I'd like to make it known that you're my..._girlfriend._ Though that term is so awful."

"I think I'm ready. But what about Colette, and for that matter why is she a Cullen?"

He sighs deeply. "That could be an issue. Jasper talked to her on the plane about what the future might hold. But she was still clinging to me in the limo. She adopted our last name when she came to Canada with us. She needed legal papers and she didn't want to claim her father's last name, so she took mine. I didn't think it was a bad idea, until I discovered she saw herself as a Missus and not a Miss."

"Are you sure you don't want more time?" I'm afraid of rushing him.

"No. I want everyone to know that you're special to me."

"You make it sound like we're making some kind of announcement."

He smiles, and his eyes light up and the dimples show at the corners of his mouth. "I'd like that. How about a banner across the main entryway? Or I could carve our names into the wall? Or maybe I could wake everyone up in the city with a pronouncement over a loudspeaker."

"I never knew you are such a goofball!" He has me laughing at his enthusiastic craziness.

"Shh, don't tell anybody. They all think I'm a respectable doctor." He raises his eyebrows at me with a mischievous grin. He kisses me, then his fingers dance along my ribs, unerringly finding my tickle zone, and making me squeal.

"Carlisle!" I fall backward onto the bed and he doesn't relent. I'm giggling and trying to defend against his impossibly fast hands. In seconds he is looming over me and I can't stop laughing. I'm looking up at his smiling face with his blond hair falling over his forehead, when he stops and stares down at me.

"Bella..." My name on his lips and his boyishly handsome face over me, sends a wave of desire through me that's almost impossible to resist. He lowers his face to mine so slowly, and our lips touch. Just as if we'd never stopped, I feel a need for him. I touch his lips with my tongue, and he moans, then he pulls back

"I don't think I've ever had a girlfriend before." He smiles as if he's delighted. "I quickly went from Gabriella's suitor, to her fiance, and Esme was my fiance almost from the beginning." He looks down at me and smooths the hair away from my face. "I know I shouldn't talk about them, but this is so new to me. My old-fashioned rules tell me I must declare my intentions for you so that your reputation is protected. But twenty-first century rules allow me to be a _boy_friend." He kisses me sweetly.

"I'll be a good boyfriend to you. But this is only the first step." He looks suddenly serious as he gazes down at me. "I want you Bella. I want you in my life, my family, my home, my arms... and my bed. I want to know you're all mine and make sweet love to you – often."

I gasp at his words, then he kisses me so passionately I wonder if we'll make love. My arms wind around his neck and my mouth opens to his teasing tongue. I think he's going to drive me insane, as he pulls back from me and sits on the bed again. I sit up beside him, and he puts his arm around me.

"You're going to drive me insane. You know Edward did the same thing, until I had no choice but to marry him." I glance over at his face to see his lips turn up slightly.

"I'm not trying to drive you crazy. I just want to do things in the right order. Courtship. Marriage. Lovemaking. I may not have to worry about illegitimate children with you, but that's the way it has to be – for me. It's just a part of who I am."

"What about Gabriella?"

He sighs. "It was a mistake to make love with her. I wanted to believe the order didn't matter because we were supernatural. I compromised my beliefs, because I thought we'd have forever. Now she is with me forever as a constant reminder of what I've done wrong." He smiles and kisses my temple. "I'm not going to make that mistake with you." He pulls away from me and glances at his watch. "I hate to say it, but we probably need to get ready for the council meeting."

I walk with him to the door. "I'll come back in about thirty minutes to see if you need anything and I'll escort you to the council chamber." He opens the door and steps into the hall. I already feel lonely without him, and I follow him, wanting one last kiss. I wrap my arms around him and kiss him passionately. I don't know when I'll have the chance again, and I want it to last. He has his arms around me, and I enjoy the feel of him pressed against me as my fingers sift through his hair. I'm barely conscious of a noise that pulls him away from me.

I reluctantly let him go, and open my eyes to see her staring at us. Alice.

I feel so guilty I want to back away from him, but he doesn't let go of me. I watch the emotions cross her face like dark shadows, then it becomes impassive. She's obviously just come from her room, and she steps closer to us. For a moment I wonder if my eyes are playing tricks on me; she looks so different.

Her face is serious. She looks at me and Carlisle as if we're merely acquaintances. Her hair is different than I remember. It's parted on the side and laying flat, like a man would wear it. She wears no jewelry or make-up, just an awful black pantsuit with a plain white blouse – and sensible shoes!

"Carlisle... Bella. I trust your trip was favorable?" She doesn't even smile.

He nods and pulls me close to his side. "Thank you for asking, Alice. It was a very nice trip. The jet is an incredible experience.. Do you have time to talk, dear?" I can hear the concern in his voice.

"No. I have to get ready for the meeting. I'll see you there – both of you." Her eyes avoid mine, and she steps lightly around us – dismissing us. I stand rooted to the spot and watch as she steps into the elevator without even glancing our way.

"Oh my god! Who was that? Is she that upset with us? I haven't seen her since the war, and she couldn't even look at me!" Carlisle pulls me close.

"That's who she is now. The war changed her, Bella. She lost her mother and two brothers and she knew it was going to happen, but she couldn't stop it. It's the reason she wanted to create a newborn army. She blames herself for all our losses, and nothing we say has been able to get through to her. She's got the responsibilities of the council on her shoulders, and she spends hours every day just concentrating on our people so she can sense future problems." He kisses my cheek. "I've got to go take a shower. We'll talk about this later, okay?"

I nod mutely and he disappears into his own room. I clean up and get ready as if I'm on auto-pilot. I can't get over Alice's total disconnection. I want to be angry with her for keeping her secrets from me. I want to blame her for being complicit in their deaths. But nothing I could do or say could possibly hurt her as much as she seems to be hurting herself.


	16. Chapter 16 Council

Chapter 16

Council

I've just finished drying my hair when he taps on the door. Carlisle looks good in black pants and a red button up shirt. He looks at me in my blue dress and shakes his head.

"I forgot to tell you, for the council meetings we dress in shades of red and black. It's either that or the robes."

"I don't have anything like that with me. Black washes me out, and red..."

"You look good in red." I know instantly he's talking about the red bikini I wore on the island, and I catch my breath. "Don't worry, I'm sure this is a matter easily remedied." He takes out his phone and dials. "Anton..." He describes my dilemma and asks my sizes.

Jasper's faith in Anton is not misplaced, and within fifteen minutes he arrives at the door with a change of clothes for me, in the appropriate colors. I step into the bathroom and change, then sit on the edge of the bed to slide the black stockings up my legs. I hear a muffled groan from Carlisle. He's leaning against the door, watching me as I pull the stockings up my thighs under my black skirt.

"Mmm, there's just something so intimate about a woman dressing in my presence." I step into my own black pumps, and stand to face him. "You look amazing in red."

In the mirror, I can appreciate the red satin blouse I've tucked into the slim black skirt. I dab on a little lipstick in the shade Arianna favored. I brush the mascara wand over my lashes, and he steps behind me and slides his arms around my waist. Our eyes meet in the mirror, and I relax back against him. Our reflection looks like we're a pair. His white skin matches mine, and I set aside the blush brush I was about to use. He presses his cheek against mine and dreamily closes his eyes. He looks like a man in love.

He catches my look in the mirror and smiles. He arranges my hair to the side, and kisses my neck.

"Carlisle, if you don't stop that, we're not going to make it to the meeting."

He traces his tongue over my skin and I sigh. He presses tiny kisses on the sensitive spot, then innocently asks, "Meeting? What meeting?"

"Oh no you don't..." I wiggle out of his arms and step away from his hypnotic kisses. "...I'm not going to make Nahuel sorry he trusted me. Come on Loverboy, we've only got fifteen minutes, and I'd rather be early than late." I scoop up my purse and step into the hallway as he follows close behind.

"You called me Loverboy – I like it." He whispers in my ear as he takes my hand. Jasper joins us in the hall, and we walk to the elevator together. As we wait, I notice Jasper is subdued. He looks good in the red shirt with the black jacket and tie. I'm afraid he's noticed we're holding hands, but he doesn't seem to care. In fact I can feel his somber mood seeping from him.

"Jasper, are you okay?" I touch his shoulder, and he looks up as if surprised.

"I'm sorry... did you say something?"

"Are you okay? What's wrong?" The elevator arrives, and we step inside.

"She's going to self destruct if she doesn't let it go."

"Let what go?" I know he's talking about Alice, since no one else could have him twisted in knots like this.

"All of it. This chairman position is draining her dry, on top of the guilt that's eating her alive. She won't even talk to me about it, since I'm not on the council. We were home just long enough for her to start to relax, and now she's right back in the middle of it!"

"I'm sorry." I let go of Carlisle's hand and put my arms around Jasper. He clutches me tight, but then the elevator dings and he quickly lets me go. We head off down the hall, following Carlisle's lead. "Maybe she'll talk to me... later."

"Don't get your hopes up. She's got a schedule for everything, and if you're not on it, you're out of luck. I have to schedule time to be alone with my _wife._" We stop talking as we encounter others in the hallway. We're on the fourth floor now, and I can see we're heading toward the double doors at the end of the hall. At the door, Carlisle opens it for me, and I timidly step through.

I'm expecting the throne room, but this is just a big conference room, with a large rectangular table in the center. Alice is already seated at the far end. She doesn't look up from the file she's examining.

Carlisle leads me to the seat where Nahuel would normally sit, and introduces me to Geno, a young hybrid man, who shakes my hand enthusiastically.

Before he can start gushing about how I'm the one who lived, Alice calls the meeting to order. We all stand, and I look around the table and see a human woman who's about sixty years old, the man who must be a shape shifter, who reminds me of Jacob, and Aro, dressed very similar to Jasper. I finally realize what else is different about him – he's cut his hair. It looks good short, and the dark curls barely touch his red collar, and fall softly onto his forehead. Jasper represents the Guard, and he's stationed near the door. A very young vampire woman sits beside Aro, and she occasionally turns adoring eyes his way, which reminds me of Colette. There is one empty seat next to Carlisle.

Alice sits, and we follow her lead. "Do I need to read the minutes from the last meeting?" She looks at the old human woman, and I realize in dealing with vampires and hybrids there likely aren't memory issues. The woman I remember as Leonora, shakes her head and Alice proceeds.

"I'd like to introduce Isabella Cullen, Nahuel's proxy. Do you agree to accept her decisions in his stead?"

"No, I do not." Aro stands straighter. "I have it on good authority that Bella and Carlisle are involved in a relationship. This association in essence gives him the vote which should belong to the hybrids."

"Noted Aro. Any other comments before I rule?" Alice's eyes pass over me as she takes in the council.

Geno clears his throat. "If Aro wants to be against her, I would like to declare myself for her. Carlisle is the whole reason we have any representation on this council, and even if she votes with him it would likely be in our favor. Nahuel has spoken very highly of Bella, and if he trusts her, that's good enough for me.

"I have no objections." The human woman smiles my way.

"You know how I feel about bloodsuckers. But if I have to choose between Aro and Carlisle's bloodsucker, I'll give her my approval." The shape shifter scowls at each of us in turn.

"Thank you Reese. Please keep the name calling to a minimum so we can make progress during these meetings." Alice doesn't smile or show any emotion.

The young female vampire speaks. "Aro is right. She's obviously going to vote with her boyfriend!" She smiles at Aro.

"Thank you Cipriana. And you might be wise to school your reactions, least we suspect where your own romantic yearnings lie."

"Alice..." All eyes turn toward Carlisle. "If I might remind the council: Article seven, page twelve, states that a proxy may be appointed by the council member, and all respect and honor due him are transferred to the proxy, regardless of the preferences of other council members." He shrugs. "Whether you like it or not, Aro, Bella is Nahuel's proxy."

Aro stands. Clearly he's used to being in charge. "I suspect that when Nahuel gave his proxy, he was not informed that he was in essence handing Carlisle two votes. The romantic developments between these two is quite recent, or so I'm told. I believe Nahuel should be overruled on his choice, based on this information."

"Sit down Aro." Alice's voice is soft, but he sits obediently.

"May I speak?" Everyone turns my way but Alice. "It's true. We're romantically involved." I feel like steel butterflies have invaded my body. I look at Carlisle and he smiles proudly. "But Nahuel trusted me with his vote, and I take that responsibility very seriously. I will vote on behalf of the hybrids, and know that I'm considering the welfare of my daughter, as well as all the others."

Alice speaks. "We have many momentous decisions to make in the near future. I can't take the chance that someone will come behind us and overturn our rulings because of this question of loyalty and propriety. I'm afraid I'm going to..."

"Pardon me, Alice." Carlisle interrupts her. "I think we can put an end to these doubts quite simply. I've placed a call to Nahuel in Canada, and he's prepared to answer any and all concerns over the phone, if that's agreeable? Remote access is what we're heading for in the future, so why not take advantage of it now?"

He plugs the call into the speaker, and we can all hear Nahuel on the other end, as well as a crying baby. "I apologize for the baby." His voice sounds clear. "It's Karina's dinnertime here."

Everyone has the chance to raise their questions and concerns about his willingness to have me stand in for him. When he hears that I'm involved with Carlisle, he sounds pleased instead of concerned, and he upholds his decision to have me take his place.

Once that's out of the way, Alice obviously changes her ruling, and I'm granted her support.

"First on the list is the open vacancies on our council. We need to get these spots filled immediately. We have two spots; one on the council, and one alternate. I'm sure you each have your top three candidates. In the next two days we'll be hearing from each of them, so that we may choose in the manner we've previously set up. Agreed?"

"Agreed." We all voice our acceptance.

"Madam Chairman, we have some old business which I believe needs one more look." It's Carlisle again. "I've given a thorough reading of the council's charter, with an eye to how it can be broken." He looks up from the pile of papers he holds. "I'm very concerned that there is a vulnerability we neglected to consider. As you've alluded to, we will not always be the ones to hold these positions. We've written the charter to state that there will be nine members, including one Chairman. We've stipulated that it should have a balance of supernatural creatures to represent the numbers within the world, as well as human representation, and we've even found a process to count those who are usually uncountable. But if today's council is indicative of future councils, we have been short-sighted." He looks up from his document.

He stands and takes a large stack of paper from a side table. When he places it in the middle of the table it makes a weighty thud. "These are copies of the charter if anyone needs to see one. The gray-haired human woman takes one, as does the shifter. I reach for one as well.

"If you'll notice, when it comes to changing our government, it takes a two thirds council vote to make fundamental changes to the council balance. However, if vampires wanted to take back the seats held by the humans, shifters, and hybrids, it's too easy to do as it stands. These seats are vulnerable."

Aro opposes him. "That's ridiculous! Do you know how difficult it is to get two thirds of the vote? Even among three it was difficult, and we have nine! Anyone who would vote against reducing the non vampire seats, is voting themselves out of a position."

"No, we have eight, and one tie-breaker, who is also vampire. That's a five out of nine majority to start with, and I believe it would be a simple matter to sway the vote in our favor. Were we all human, it would be more difficult, but allow me to demonstrate..."

He quickly circles the table, and in less than a second he stands behind Leonora with his arm around her throat. "I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to point out just how simple it is to gain the vote of someone who's much more frail than we are." He lets her go, then kisses her cheek. "Sorry I frightened you." He addresses us all. "I believe it's critical to have everyone represented on the council. But we have the power to steal their votes and their positions as well. I believe this is something we need to address before this council gets out of its infancy."

Aro isn't out of protests. "Do you really think it's necessary to paint us as monsters to make your point?"

"Yes." Carlisle doesn't back down. "Joham took control of three who were ultimately powerful. This council wouldn't even be a stumbling block for him. We need to have something in place that would be impervious to his – or any kind of manipulation. I still believe the council needs to disperse. If someone had to get to nine of us, in different parts of the world, it would make it a lot more difficult to complete some master plan."

"We've already agreed to dispersing, Carlisle." Alice cuts neatly into his argument.

"I know. But it's been two years, and we still haven't done it. And we still need to do something for the other half of the council to protect them from a physical take-over."

"I don't need protection!" Reese leaps to his feet. Carlisle turns to stare at him, as if waiting for him to get control of his emotions.

I'm sitting beside him, and I stand slowly. Very gently I put my hand on the over-heated skin of his arm. "I don't think anyone would believe _you_ need protection, Reese. But what about Leonora? Or what about a future council where your seat could be filled by a woman who doesn't change? What if you're cut off from your pack, and you're outnumbered? We need to look at the council as a whole, not just your part of it."

He pointedly looks down at his arm, and I take my hand away. He's most definitely not Jacob. "I apologize for my outburst." He sits down and I take my seat too.

Alice stands. "It's obvious this matter does need another look. In two days we'll meet again, and we'll have our candidates here. I think we should consider ways to protect the sovereignty of the council." She looks down at her notes. "We also need to decide if we should call out the Guard to prevent a war between Velasquez and Duarte's covens."

"May I address the council?" Jasper steps forward. Alice nods, looking impatient. "Those who live in the area report that Velasquez has taken over Duarte's coven, without shedding blood. I can be ready to mobilize the Guard if it changes, but as it stands now, the war has been averted. It seems Duarte's own people weren't that crazy about him."

"Thank you, Jasper." Again she doesn't smile, and her eyes dismiss him. Even I can see the hurt on his face. "Is there any other business we need to attend to now?"

Aro stands. Clearly he's not happy sitting comfortably in the leather chairs. "I'd like to raise the issue of the hybrids showing proper respect and deference to the vampires." Geno shifts uncomfortably in his seat. "Quite simply, without us they would not exist. Yet I'm seeing evidence throughout our organization, that there is a fundamental lack of respect toward their elders. Joham has left them with this idea of their superiority, and I believe this is a dangerous notion to allow to fester."

Alice's brows draw together. "We can't legislate attitudes, Aro..."

"We certainly can!" His voice raises. He sweeps his fierce gaze over each of us. "In my day such disrespect was not tolerated. Any human who showed disrespect to us was quickly dispatched." He licks his lips, making it clear just how they were dealt with. "These hybrids are _young._ And yet they have the arrogance and entitlement of those who have existed for centuries. Just this morning I had a young boy tell me he would do exactly as he pleased, regardless of my wishes or commands. He does not know how close he came to having his beating heart ripped from his chest!"

Geno looks upset, but I hide a smile. Aro must have had a confrontation with his daughter's boyfriend. I can only imagine how Charlie would have behaved if I looked like Arianna, and he had Aro's power.

Aro's on a roll. "I warn you, if we allow this kind of disrespect to continue, the council will be nothing more than a mockery. We've limited ourselves in the creation of new vampires, but hybrids are currently permitted to reproduce at any rate they see fit. It's conceivable that they will outnumber us some day. We'll be displaced on the very council we created – displaced by disrespectful youngsters who have no concept of our history or our plans for our races and our futures!"

"Aro is right..." Carlisle speaks up. "...at least up to a point. This council could some day be run by a majority of hybrids. If they outnumber us to that degree, then that is only to be expected. But the way our charter is written, it would take a two thirds majority to change the current seating. If we went by strict majority rules, this council would be entirely human." He smiles at Leonora.

"The very purpose of the council is to deal with the special issues of our kinds. In fact, if there is a population explosion of hybrids, I would like to propose that instead of turning over vampire seats to them, the council should be expanded to give a more accurate balance to them. Just as states in the U.S. are given more representatives in the House when their population increases. This council could easily grow to eleven members, with the addition of two more hybrid representatives. The goal is for everyone to be heard and represented – not to seize control and subjugate one another."

Aro looks exasperated. "Why would you want to create such a behemoth of a ruling body? The bigger it gets, the slower it moves. I believe that nine is too big, and we could suffice with seven, or even five. What we had before may have had its problems and faults, but it worked for hundreds of years. If the three of us had been dispersed as we plan to be, we would have had perfection."

Reese growls menacingly, and Geno crosses his arms and scowls. Leonora taps her pencil.

Alice speaks up. "The council is in place now, Aro. It's already been decided, so your argument is moot. What we have here is an adequate representation. What we need to work on, is to stop fighting among ourselves." She looks at him. "One thing you three had that we need, is an understanding of your purpose. It was right that you dealt with issues as they came up. But it was wrong that you never changed or adapted. You held power and control so tightly, you never took into account that someone else might have had a better idea."

I don't intend the harrumph that escapes me at her words. But suddenly their eyes are on me.

"Do you have something to add, Bella?" I grit my teeth and look away. They turn back to one another, and I find myself standing.

"Isn't that just the pot calling the kettle black, Alice?" My hands are balled into fists, and I feel such fury flowing through me that I can't stop my words. "You're a fine one to talk about holding power and control, and not caring about anyone else's ideas. You had it all plotted out in your head, who lives and who dies."

"Bella, that's enough!" Carlisle stands and faces me across the table.

"No it's not enough. She let him die!" I turn my accusations on her. "You didn't tell us. You didn't give us a chance to come up with a better plan. You kept it all locked up in your own head, like you were God and we were too lowly to understand. I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye to him – you took that away from me. I hate you for that!"

She stares at me, and then her face changes before my eyes. She wears a mask of pure rage, and she raises her arm and brings it down onto the table so hard it splits with a loud crack, and collapses.

"You self-centered bitch!" She tosses aside a chunk of table and stalks toward me. "How dare you judge me, when the blood of my mother is on _your _hands! If you had stayed where you were supposed to stay, and done what you were supposed to do, she would still be alive! You got her killed, and now you've got the gall to take her husband as well." She's only steps away from me, with her fingers curled as if to shred me. This is the Alice who faced James and tore his head off.

"What I was _supposed_ to do?" I screech. "You mean according to you and your master plan? The one you didn't share with anyone else? How could you expect me to stand by and watch my husband die? If you hadn't held me back, I might have reached him in time!"

She shrieks inarticulately and lunges for me. But Jasper's there to take hold of her before she reaches me. "I should have let you go – you would have died too! I can fix that oversight right now!" She struggles with Jasper, still trying to reach me. "He told you to protect Nessie, and you just didn't listen! You never listened to him, even when you claimed you _loved _him!"

"You have no right to question how I felt about him! You murdered him, Alice, as surely as if you set the fire yourself! What the hell good is it to tell the future if you can't save the people you love? They're all dead now, and they're never coming back! You should have told us – I had a right to know!"

She screams and lunges for me again, then collapses in Jasper"s arms. She continues to wail and she goes from trying to claw her way out of his arms, to pulling at her own hair and dragging her nails down her own face, leaving angry red furrows. Carlisle drags me out of the room. The three non-vampire councilors mill about in the hall, looking nervously our way. Carlisle pulls me into a nearby room, then turns on me.

"Why Bella? You saw how fragile she was. Did you really need to bring all this up again? I thought you were getting over it, and you attacked her totally unprovoked."

"I attacked _her_? Did you get a good look at who was trying to kill me in there?"

_ "_You still don't get it!" He shouts at me. "While you spent the last two years wallowing in your grief, we've been here, cleaning up the mess! Alice hasn't had a chance to grieve her losses."

_ "Her losses?_ She still has a husband!"

He snarls and pulls at his hair. "Bella..." He looks at me in anguish. "We've all lost someone – every one of us. Every time you bring up your loss of Edward, it's a slap in our faces. It's as if you don't think our losses could ever measure up to yours...and you're wrong! Everyone in that council room lost someone before, during, or after the war. Everyone. And Alice has been working since the time we arrived until now to see that it never happens again. More than anything, she needed your understanding, forgiveness, and support, and you piled on accusations and blame. I expected better from you."

"Maybe you don't know me as well as you think you do." Even as I say the words, I realize how petty they sound.

"Maybe I don't." He turns away from me and paces to the other wall, leaning against it as if he would fall down without it. "Sometimes I see these glimpses of a beautiful, kind, compassionate woman within you: The way you treat Colette, the way you behave with your granddaughter, the way you reached out to Jasper, and even how you handled Arianna. But then I see you haven't really moved beyond that seventeen year-old girl who grabbed hold of the perfect, beautiful, Edward Cullen, and never let go. Even in death, he's still your life. I can't fight that, Bella. I won't." He looks so sad as his eyes meet mine. "I really wanted it to work between us... more than you know. But I can't change who you are. I don't want to be second best to a memory."

"Carlisle, that's not how I feel about you. I'm sorry I lost it in there."

"Bella... it's too late. You're still a part of my family, but what's between us clearly can't go any further." He stands and heads for the door. "I'm going back to the council chamber now, to do what I do best – pick up the pieces." He steps past me, and without a look back he's gone.

I collapse onto the floor, and once again wish for my long lost tears. I want to rage, and scream the way Alice did. I want to break something, but it all feels so futile. My head hangs low as I sit there on the floor feeling lonely and rejected. I recognize the pain, and I reach for my long lost friend, and let it slice through me.

He gave up on me. He wanted me, but now he doesn't. He chose Alice over me. Who could blame him – I'm nothing. He said I wasn't ordinary, but I am. The best part of me died two years ago, and he finally sees that.

There's a tap on the door, and then it opens slowly. Leonora creeps in and kneels by beside me. "It feels like the end of the world now, doesn't it, Dear? I've been where you are." She reaches out and tentatively touches my shoulder. "It's been thirty years ago, but sometimes it's as fresh as if it were yesterday." She rubs my shoulder as she speaks. "I was a happy married woman with two children. My husband put the stars in the sky for me. He loved me as deep as the ocean, and I loved him with all I had in me. Joy and Contentment looked at me with envy." I listen to her soft words.

"A rogue coven came to confront the Volturi. They flouted their laws, and walked the streets in sparkle. We adults knew to beware of them. But the children didn't know that their beauty was dangerous. Giovanni was seven, and his sister Sofia was five. Dante had taken them to the market with him. It was his turn to cook, and he liked the freshest ingredients. He only turned his back on them for a moment..." She wipes away her tears, and I put my arms around her gently, fearing what's to come.

"Dante heard Sofia screaming, and he ran to save them. He was too late. They fed on my babies – both of them. When he tried to attack the monsters they could have ended him, but instead they turned him."

"My god!" In just a few sentences she has drawn me into her horror, and I ache for her.

"I was blissfully unaware. I'd slept late because I was expecting our third child within the month. One of my neighbors came to get me and told me what happened. I couldn't believe it. My children and husband had all disappeared, and I stormed this fortress." Again she wipes her tears.

"The vampires wore robes then, and they tried to stop me at the main entrance. I tore at them and screamed, demanding to see my husband and children. One of them, Aro, lead me through this place to a room where their bodies were laid." She breaks down entirely, and I hold her as she cries bitter tears. "They were both completely drained. Giovanni's neck was snapped, and his throat was torn out. Little Sophia had been shared by two. So great was their hunger, even her round little cheeks were hollow, and she looked like she'd been dead for weeks." I groan at the image in my mind.

"Aro then lead me to a room where my beloved husband lay writhing in his own death throes. I could hear his screams echoing down the hall as we approached. When I saw him, I went to his side, but he didn't see me. Aro left me there to watch him …. to watch him die. There were moments when he was lucid, and he told me what happened. He begged me to kill him. He begged me for forgiveness." Again she weeps.

"Just as his change was complete, Aro returned. He told me I would have to leave my husband, unless I wanted to become his first meal. I looked at Dante, and he was even more beautiful than he was in life. He was an angel but for his red eyes. From across the room he promised that he loved me, and asked me to come closer. Then he tried to attack me. Aro merely slowed him down while I escaped. The robed ones rushed into the room, or he would have killed me."

"I lost them all that day. The coven that killed my babies was destroyed. I was allowed to watch the proceeding and I saw them fed to the flames. It was too painless for them. Because Dante was a newborn they'd created, he too was destroyed. I begged them to let him live, but the blond one was unmoved, even though Aro sided with me. I didn't watch, but I know what happened to him."

We sit side by side, and her tears continue to flow. "If it wasn't for my pregnancy I would have followed them in death. I don't care if that's a sin – God only lost _one _child." She's quiet for a long time, and her tears dry.

"My son was born two weeks later. His father never got to hold him, but I named him Dante Giovanni. I cried for them every day, until my son was old enough to beg me to stop. He said he wanted a mama who laughed and smiled. He said he wanted me to love him too!" She looks at me with her watery gray eyes holding mine. "Don't you see, Bella? I lost them that day, but I gave those evil ones one more victim. I gave myself to them as surely as if I'd been bitten too. I gave them my child's mother as a bonus for murdering my family. They won one more victory, because I let them."

She takes my hand in hers and clutches it with all her human strength. "Don't let Joham take you. Don't give him the satisfaction of stealing your life from you. Fight him with all you have. He brought enough misery and suffering with him, don't give him any more." She stands clumsily, without releasing my hand. "Get up off that floor and fight this." Her look is so commanding, I comply.

"I understand loss and pain, Bella. But if you give in to it, you will lose everything." She lays her worn hand on my cheek and smiles. "I have a second husband who loves me the width of the sky. I have four children, and fifteen grandchildren. I am a happy woman, because I stopped letting my grief steal my life. You will live much longer than I will. You have to decide to be happy."

She smiles and steps even closer, placing both her warm hands on my cheeks. "God is good, merciful, and giving. But you have to hold out your hands and grab hold of the good things He gives. You can't hold a blessing if your hands are full of grief, blame, sorrow, and fear. Let it go, Bella. Let it all go." She pats my cheek, and kisses my forehead. Then she leads me out of the room like I'm one of her children.

I can hear the noises coming from the conference room. I whisper my thanks to Leonora and cautiously head that way.

Aro and Carlisle are alone in the room. I think they're arguing, but they stop when I step through the door. The broken table is gone, but the chairs remain.

"I'm sorry." My voice sounds small and shaky. "How can I help fix the mess I made?" Carlisle runs his fingers through his hair and turns away from me, then he begins pacing.

Aro looks me in the eyes. "I can't blame you for being angry. If Caius were still alive I might have done the same thing. He sent almost everyone I know to die in the war."

"I don't really blame Alice. I just want someone to be responsible for this. And I know now I'm not going to get that. I'm so sorry."

Carlisle looks at me and shakes his head. "I'm not the one who needs to hear that." He sounds so cold. I want to run to him and beg him to forgive me, but he's facing the wall with his hands on his hips.

I leave the room and find myself back on the residence hall. I stand outside the elevator staring at the door at the end of the hall. I hear a noise and turn to see Colette coming my way. She stops and smiles.

"Geno has told me that you and my Carlisle are romantically involved. I could see you were interested in him, and I knew you would be a problem. But you have not won him yet. I am better than you are for him. I can be a bigger part of his life than you can, since he loves his patients and I can share that with him. And most of all, I can give him children, and you can't. He may want to dally with you because you are so beautiful, but he will soon come to realize you don't have anything to offer him. Then he will marry me. I hope this doesn't mean we can't still be friends." She smiles sweetly and disappears into the elevator.

I stand and stare in shock. This morning her words would have seemed an empty threat, but now everything has changed. She's right about one thing; I don't have anything to offer him.

"Ouch... that's gotta hurt." I'm surprised by Jasper, and he comes close enough I can see he too is upset.

"Oh god, Jasper I am so sorry."

"It's too late. Sorry just doesn't fix the big things when they break." He has his arms behind his back and he seems to be meandering aimlessly in the width of the corridor. "Nope. You can't fix a three thousand dollar table with sorry. You can't fix a broken friendship with sorry. You can't patch together a fragile psyche with sorry either."

He looks at me suddenly menacing. "And here's the kicker... you can't take back the words once they've been spoken. Nope. Not 'Alice you got them all killed.' And especially not, 'Jasper, I had an affair with Aro. Sorry.'" He mimics a soft feminine voice. "In fact I don't think there's a more inadequate word in the whole freaking language. _Sorry_!" He shouts the word, and punches a hole through the wall.

I stare at him, and he turns on me. I feel his fingers biting into my upper arms, but more than that, I see the naked pain on his once beautiful face. He shakes me hard, and I don't even try to defend myself.

"You just couldn't keep your mouth shut! I've been trying to hold her together for two years, and you went and shattered her! You're not half the woman she is!" He lets me go as if disgusted with me.

"I KNOW! Don't you think I know all these things? Everybody line up today and take a shot at Bella, six balls for a quarter. With a target as big as a barn, anyone should be able to knock her down! Take your best shot Jasper: I'm not as talented as Alice. I'm not as bright and beautiful. I'm not as focused. I'm not as valuable or lovable. I'm not the one who just gave up two years of my life to put Humpty Dumpty back together. I'm the crybaby who can't get over my dead husband. I'm the whiner who grieved for two years. Say it! Get it out! I'm the one who didn't protect my daughter. I'm the one who got Esme killed. I'm the one who ruins everything I touch." I hear a door on the hall open and then close again.

"I know I'm nothing. I'm a nobody. I'm the one who can't say the right thing. I'm the one who acts like a child. I'm the one who just doesn't get it. I'm the one who probably won't ever find someone to love me, and if I do, I won't even be able to give him babies. I'm just not worth it, right Jasper? Everyone should give up on me. Take your best shot... go ahead, I'll hold real still." My eyes burn and I can't stop shaking.

He makes an inarticulate noise and lunges for me. He wraps me in his arms and clings to me like a drowning man would a life preserver.

"My god Bella – she cheated on me!" I'm suddenly conscious we're in a very public hallway, and I lead him to my room as he stumbles along. Behind the closed door he sinks to the floor. He looks up at me with hollow eyes.

"It's not your fault. It's been coming for a long time, I just thought if I could hold her together long enough... it would get better. It all came out today. Everything. She's been holding it in for so long, and I've been helping her – I thought I was helping her – but I wasn't."

I sit on the floor beside him and he turns his tortured eyes on me. "She started spending a lot of time with him before we went back home. She said it was council business, and she said he had a lot more knowledge of the past that she needed to know. You know he started wearing the gloves at Carlisle's suggestion. It makes us all feel calmer around him. But I didn't know that Alice would spend time with him, and he would take off his gloves and touch her."

I gasp. Edward read minds, but not to the depth that Aro does. I can't imagine someone wanting to share that with him.

"You're starting to see it. She missed the connection she had with Edward, and she found it with Aro. It all came out today. She was afraid to be back home, knowing you were coming back. She blames you for getting Esme killed. But she also feels responsible for Edward and Emmett's deaths."

"Oh god..."

"Bella, I saw what happened that day. You couldn't have saved Esme. They were so outnumbered, they would have killed you too. Remember, they didn't want to kill Nessie, but to take her. I've been afraid to tell Alice because her anger has been the only thing that's kept her guilt from destroying her. But I should have told her. Her anger is why she left, not the war between Duarte and Velasquez. She didn't want to face you.

"She flew back, and fell right into Aro's arms. He's been sharing her visions with her. He's been taking on her memories of that day. He's been the one she lets her guard down for, and he's the one who shared her bed this week." He rubs his fists over his eyes as if he'd like to gouge them out.

"I can't believe she would do this to me... my god I love her so much!" He falls against me, and I hold him tight. I don't even know what to say. I just hold him and rub his back and pet his hair. I feel so much has happened and so much has changed, and yet I can't really think beyond this moment. My mind refuses to accept that Alice would cheat on Jasper. I just can't imagine how broken she would have to be to take him into her bed.

I feel my heart breaking for Jasper. I know it's likely his emotions flooding through me, but it feels so real. If Edward had ever cheated... I would feel exactly the way he does now. I press his head against my shoulder and try to sooth him.


	17. Chapter 17 Mess

Chapter 17

Mess

"I just can't understand it. Bella. She didn't just go to him for comfort and let him read her thoughts. She actually slept with him!" He laughs bitterly. "I can't even say that, since we don't sleep. She had sex with him! Oh god, how do we even come back from this? Where do I start? Do I even want to start?" Once the words and the poison start to flow from him, it seems he can't stop.

"She was my wife for a hundred years! She knows me better and more intimately than anyone else. I thought I knew her. I thought she would always be mine, but she took that all away from me and gave it to him! Chelsea couldn't split us up, but she went of her own accord. I just don't get it. _Aro_! Good god, anyone else but Aro!" He squeezes me tight and I feel him shaking in my arms.

"I hate that I can picture it in my mind. I can imagine her naked with him... imagine him looking at her with his red eyes... I used to have red eyes like that, and I changed for her... I used to be the only man she ever made love with, and now I will always share her with _him_! I wonder if he spoke Italian to her while he was lying with her. Did she cry out and call his name? Did he leave his seed inside her? Did she enjoy it? She must have enjoyed it, she spent three days with him!"

"Jasper, stop!" I move away from him and try to pull him out of his tailspin. "You're not helping yourself by going down all these dark roads. This isn't who she is. Don't let these past few days spoil the last hundred years. There has to be a good explanation for all this mess."

His eyes meet mine. "She spread her legs for him, Bella. My wife. My beautiful little Alice..." He collapses into my arms, crying tearlessly.

"Where is she now, Jasper?" The sun shining in the window tells me it's just past noon.

"I don't know. She left after she destroyed my whole world. I don't even know if it's over between them... maybe she went to offer herself to him again. Maybe she went to tell him she's free of me. Maybe she went to find someone else to sleep... have sex with. I don't even know her anymore. What did I do wrong? Could I have seen this coming? Could _she _see it coming? Oh my god, what if she saw a future with him? What if she saw their life together... without me." He collapses onto the floor, much the way I had not that long ago.

"Stop this Jasper. You've got to get up. This isn't who you are either. Get on your feet soldier!" I stand myself, and he looks up at me. "It hurts, I understand, but we're not allowed to wallow in it. Get up!" I give him the same attitude Leonora gave me, and he slowly pulls himself together and stands.

"There, that's better." I straighten his tie for him.

"I'm sorry... you probably need me to leave so you can spend time with Carlisle." His words cut deep.

"No. Carlisle changed his mind. He doesn't..." My voice hitches. "...he doesn't want me."

"But I thought you two were a couple? He seemed so happy..."

"He only wants happy, sweet, Bella. He doesn't want anything to do with broken, angry, Bella. He doesn't want me... he gave up on me... maybe he really will fall in love with Colette. She doesn't seem to have a problem with grief."

He takes me in his arms and holds me then, and together we keep from falling. It surprises me being so close to him. Jasper has always been so strong and aloof to me. Only since the war has he learned the kind of compassion that hugs and touches people. I think especially where I'm concerned, he was afraid to get too close. As a human I was a temptation, and I think that distance just transferred after my change. Holding him now I'm beginning to understand more fully why he doesn't touch.

Touching him seems to magnify his gift. I'm feeling it in waves from him; the sadness, the loss, the betrayal, and the pain. I can only guess that if I'm feeling so much from him, he's feeling it from me as well.

I'm also surprised that he's of a smaller stature than I thought. He's only a few inches taller than I am, and his build is lean and wiry. He has such a strong presence, and he carries himself as a bigger man. He commands respect when he could easily be marginalized for his size.

But anyone who could see him now would see him broken. He clings to me like a child clings to his mother's leg on the first day of school. I hold him tight, knowing we would both be weeping if we were able.

"We can't keep this up, Jasper." I pull back a bit so I can see his face. He looks so lost it tears at me. "This is as low as it gets... it's got to get better from here. We just have to move through it."

"What if she leaves me and wants a divorce?"

"Shh. One step at a time." I press my forehead to his, and meet his eyes. "You're strong – you'll get through this. Remember, you're more than just her husband. You can get through this..._we_ can get through this." I laugh bitterly. "At least nobody died." He stares into my eyes for a minute, then closes his.

I'm not expecting his next move, and he pulls me close to him and kisses me. Not a light little friends only kiss. It's the real thing, with his mouth opening mine, and his tongue invading. At first I gasp in shock, and his tongue collides with mine. His hand holds my head for his assault, as his mouth takes my inventory.

A part of me registers that it's not unpleasant. His mouth tastes sweet, and I can feel his emotions. But it's wrong! He's a married man, even if his wife forgot that for the moment. He's in love with her, and …. he's _Jasper_. He's more like a brother to me, and I struggle to break free of him. I retreat to the far side of the room and stare at him.

"I'm sorry, Bella." He looks like rejection personified. "I just thought we could console one another... I could make you feel good, and you..."

"No." My whisper stops his crazy notion in it's tracks. "I'm not wired like that." I slide down the wall, realization suddenly dawning. I look up into his confused eyes. "He's not just filling a space or playing a role. I love him." I draw my knees up and hide my face in my hands. "I love Carlisle! I didn't think it was possible for it to happen so fast, but it has – and it's too late!"

"Why couldn't she be like you?" His words pull me from my own misery.

"She's broken, Jasper. She's not herself. I didn't realize how bad it was until I said those awful things. I blamed her for their deaths, but she loved them too. She only saw what might be, she didn't create it, and she couldn't change it – I forgot that. You're right, I should have kept my big mouth shut.

"It wouldn't have made a difference. She was already fucking him."

"Jasper_ please!_" I've never heard such language from him. He'd spoken before of making love, or coupling, but now he looks dark and dangerous, and I stand up as I see his hands clench into fists at his side.

"What kind of man takes advantage of a vulnerable woman pushed past her limits? He's not going to get away with this." I see his face change from a look of pain, to one of pure rage.

"Jasper, this isn't the way to handle this."

He smiles wickedly. "All's fair in love and war – and I damn sure know about war!" He's gone then, and the door slams behind him. I run to look out, and the hallway's empty. I could probably try to trace him by his scent, or by sounds, but I'm no good at it, and I'd probably get lost in the process. I look across the hall and up one door. I wonder if Carlisle is back, and I wish I could just go and tell him everything. But he's made it clear he doesn't want to hear from me.

I duck back into the room and hurriedly change out of the council clothes. I feel marginally better, but I still feel like my world has been turned upside down. I move silently past his door, and tap on the door at the end of the hall. I'm relieved when there's no answer, and I'm two steps away when the door opens.

"What do you want," she asks blandly. What do I want? I only wish I could tell her. I want to disappear and not have to face her. I want to be back home, sitting with Huilen, weaving at her loom and doing my best to forget about pain and loss and disappointment. And while I'm wanting the impossible, how about having everything back the way it used to be, when vampires lived forever and spouses didn't cheat.

I turned to face her. "Alice... " She looks terrible, and my words stick in my throat. "...oh god... Alice I'm so sorry..."

"I don't have time for this right now, Bella." She tries to close the door on me, but I move quick to stop her. A human would have their fingers crushed, but instead I nearly break her door.

"Are you kidding me? You wanted to kill me a few hours ago, and now you can't even spare a minute to talk?"

"Fine. You've got one minute." She crosses her arms and taps her foot impatiently.

I roll my eyes in exasperation. "Have it your way." I take a deep breath. "Your husband – the one you cheated on – just took off in a rage, promising that Aro won't get away with it. So I was just wondering, what's the penalty for attacking a council member?" Her eyes widen in alarm.

"Where did he go?" She steps into the hall and closes the door behind her.

"I don't know, he was in quite a hurry."

"We've got to find Aro – if Jasper attacks him, it's the death penalty!" She races down the hall and knocks on Aro's door. A good looking young man comes to the door, looking like he's just crawled out of bed. He's shirtless and I can smell cigarettes and marijuana from his hair and clothes. He looks at Alice with bloodshot eyes.

"What...?" His breath reeks of alcohol.

"Armando, is Aro home?" She doesn't waste time worrying over his condition.

"Lemme see..." He shuffles off to check the apartment, and comes back a few minutes later "e's not here. Hey Alice... who's your friend?" He leans in the doorway and leers at me. I grunt and roll my eyes, and she doesn't bother answering him. "Bella...wanna party...?" His words carry down the hall as we race for the elevator.

"Maybe he's in the council chamber..." She looks almost frantic as the elevator doors slide open and we step in. She looks at me then. "Go ahead and say it; I know you want to."

"I don't have anything to say right now."

"I know I did a horrible thing..." She's showing more emotion than I saw during most of the council meeting. She looks afraid and so wounded I forget about being mad at her. Suddenly she's the best friend I've let down – she's the sister I abandoned.

"Shh..." I put my arms around her. She's stiff at first, then she yields and holds me. "Let's find him first, and then we'll sort all this mess out... sister." Her eyes are unreadable as she looks at me. The doors slide open, and she takes my hand as we rush down the hall toward the council chamber. Inside, there are still nine chairs and nothing else.

"He likes to hang out in the old audience chamber... and sit on his old throne." We're running down the halls, and she knows the way. We breeze past vampires and hybrids by the dozen. We pass a cafe, and I can smell human food and hear beating hearts. She doesn't slow down, even when someone calls out to her.

I remember the place as we approach, and it shocks me that it's changed, but it feels exactly the same. There are vampires here, and not a beating heart among them. This must be where the "grown-ups" hang out. The clothes have changed, but the attitudes have not. There's still an air of bored expectation in the place. As if they're waiting for something to happen. Like they're waiting to witness the excitement of a vampire and his human girlfriend, or the fight when he tries to protect her. The memories overwhelm me, and my feet hold me rooted to the floor. Alice drops my hand as she rushes into the room.

Up on the dais there are still three thrones, though a fourth has been smashed to pieces. Aro sits in his place of honor, slouched onto one elbow, looking completely bored. Alice rushes to his side, and as I watch their exchange I can tell they're arguing. He places a gloved hand on her cheek, and she shakes him off angrily. I don't need to hear their words to know their affair is over – at least it is for Alice.

She comes toward me, looking defiant, and I meet his eyes over her shoulder. He smiles smugly and waves his fingers in my direction.

She doesn't say a word as we go from there to the place where Jasper meets with the Guard. I'm surprised to see men and women, of both vampires and hybrids going through various training exercises. Not only is Jasper not there, but they haven't seen him all day. Short of doing a floor by floor search of the complex, we're out of ideas.

"We need to find Carlisle. I'm sure he'll know where to find him. If he doesn't he can help us search floor by floor." We rush back to the residential wing and I stand rooted near the elevator. I just can't face him after what he said to me this morning. "Come on!"

"You go... he doesn't want to see me." She stares at me for a second longer, then heads down the hall. I wander toward my room, wondering suddenly if Jasper would have gone back there. It takes a key card to get in, but as Captain of the Guard, he might have a master.

The sound comes through the wall. For obvious reasons, my vampire hearing is attuned to the frequency of screams, even though faint and distant. The door to my left is Aro's apartment, and my hand is on the knob before I even think to knock. Armando must have left it unlocked in his impaired state, and the door swings open.

I smell blood almost immediately, but it's not human. It's Nessie's blood – hybrid blood. I'm hyper aware of danger within the place as I check the first room. Armando lies under headphones with loud so-called music screaming into his ears. He looks unconscious, but I can hear his heart and respiration even over the noise from his stereo. The smell coming from his room is unpleasant, but it's not blood.

I pass what must be Aro's own room, as there's no place to sleep. My mind snags on the idea that he really must have taken Alice in her own bed. _ Jasper's _bed. The room is crowded with antiques and artifacts from many different times in history, and it makes me curious to poke around in here. But the smell of blood is getting stronger, and I pass the kitchen leading away on my right.

The last bedroom has the door closed, and I turn the knob carefully. I have no idea what I'm afraid of, but I can feel fear crawling up my spine to wrap it's sharp talons around my neck. I stop breathing, as the smell of blood is overwhelming.

I open the door to what almost seems normal. It's clearly a girls bedroom, though for two very different girls. The one side looks like a college dormitory, with a neatly made up twin bed, a desk, and all the comforts of a well-ordered home.

The other side looks more chaotic. Clothes are overflowing from drawers, posters cover one whole wall, a vanity takes the place of the desk, and a closet door hangs ajar because the pile of clothes on the floor behind it won't allow it to close.

And predictably the bed is an unmade mess. Even as I take it in, it shifts and writhes with the movements of whoever is under the hot pink blanket. I know the hair peeking out – it's Arianna's long dark curls, and Jasper's blond locks. Her hand slips from beneath the cover, and hangs limply, palm up, with blood red nails on the tips of her unmoving fingers.

He raises his head to look at me, and I take in everything at a glance. The blanket slips, and I can see she's at least half naked. There's blood on the pillow and sheet, and her eyes are closed, and Jasper's are shocking red. I take in a deep, horrified breath, inhaling the blood stench – and scream!

Many things happen at once. Jasper leaps up and rushes to cover my mouth with his hand. Arianna struggles awake, and covers herself with her hands, and Alice and Carlisle rush into the room to find me struggling to get free of Jasper.

As soon as he sees Alice, he lets me go and moves to toss the blanket over Aro's daughter. He stands beside the bed in only his boxers, facing his wife. Carlisle rushes to check Arianna, and she has the half moon of a bite on her neck.

Jasper smirks at Alice. "It seems I've got a little more control that you ever gave me credit for, _darlin_. I drank from her, but I didn't kill her. In fact, I seduced her and didn't fuck her – at least not yet." He looks at Carlisle's angry face. "Don't worry doc, she'll heal just fine – she's venomous – and quite tasty I might add." His bloody stare takes in his surroundings. "Oh isn't this a note, everyone's pissed at _me _now. Don't y'all dare look so shocked. How's that old saying go? What's good for the goose is good for the gander. But then again that's not exactly the right bird to be talking about, since geese mate for _life!"_

I edge out of the room and make it to the kitchen. I fill a glass with water, and in the refrigerator I find a bunch of grapes. I take them back and hand them to Carlisle. I remember when Charlie would donate blood they always made him eat and drink something before he could leave. Arianna looks dazed, but she keeps looking at Jasper as if she's in love with him. Knowing she is interested in a boy named Vito, I have to wonder if Jasper manipulated her emotions.

He sits back down on the edge of the bed and looks at his conquest. He runs his fingers through her curls, distracting her from the water and the grapes Carlisle's trying to get into her. "Why don't you save us all a lot of hassle and tell them I didn't force you to do anything you didn't want."

She smiles at him adoringly. "He's right Doctor Cullen, he didn't force me to do anything. I wanted to make love with him. And when he said he was hungry... I offered him a drink of my blood. I've done it before. The hybrids and some of the older vampires have enough control not to take too much. I'll be as good as new in a few hours."

"Thank you, beautiful." He murmurs the words to her, then tips her chin up to kiss her lips.

Alice makes a strangled noise of pain, and he looks at her with a mean smile.

"Go back to your lover. Let him read your mind so he can see how much his daughter pleases me."

Alice puts her hand to her face. "No! Oh my god..." It breaks my heart to see the train wreck unfolding before my eyes. Carlisle has finished checking her pulse and blood pressure, as well as the wound on her neck. She must be okay, because he stands and looks at Jasper.

"Get your clothes and get out of here! You're being ridiculous – she's just a child!"

Jasper lifts the blanket and makes a show of peeking under it. "I would beg to differ."

It looks like Carlisle would like to take him outside and settle the matter with his fists. There's a crash as Alice stumbles into the overloaded vanity, toppling makeup and accessories onto the floor. She puts her hand to her head, then turns wide, terrified eyes toward her husband.

"Oh my god, he's coming! Please leave now... if he finds you here, he'll kill you for sure! I can't lose you, baby... if you ever loved me, for even a second, go! Hurry!" Her panicked voice moves him, and he's out the door, leaving us to gather his clothes and do damage control.

I hurry and hide his clothes in the mess of Armando's room. The door crashes open and Aro storms into the apartment. He doesn't waste time checking the other rooms, but comes right to us, where we're clustered around Arianna's bed.

"What's happened here?" He perches on the edge of her bed and quickly takes in her condition. "Aurora told me she sensed something was wrong here." Arianna looks terrified of her father.

I'm stunned when Carlisle looks right at him – and lies! "We got here too late to stop him. We heard a few noises and didn't think anything of it. But when we heard her scream, we came to check it out. I smelled blood and feared for the worst. She's alright, but she said she didn't know who it was. She said he came in and she thought he was one of her brother's friends at first. She screamed, but by the time we got here, he'd already had his fill, apparently.

I watch in horror as Aro takes off his gloves. Arianna backs away from him, still clutching the blanket to her.

"I've given her something to help her relax and sleep, so she might be a little disoriented for a while." She plays her part well, letting her eyes flutter closed as her head wobbles on her neck. Aro reaches out to touch her, and Carlisle glances my way. I shield her.

She closes her eyes and settles onto her pillow.

"She has no memory!" He looks more than a little upset.

"I'm sorry, that's the drug. Short term memory loss is common in instances of trauma. She may not ever remember who attacked her."

"I will get to the bottom of this! I have trackers who can find him no matter where he hides!" He kisses her forehead and stands. "I'm glad you were nearby to prevent her from being hurt worse." He looks at the three of us with his brows drawn together. "It does surprise me to see you all together, in light of what happened this morning."

I speak softly. "No matter how much we might disagree... we're family." I can tell Aro is suspicious, but he escorts us out, closing the door to her room. I'm afraid he might go back in and try to touch her, but he passes his son's room and it seems to irritate him. Armando hasn't moved, except to tap his foot to the beat pulsing from under the headphones.

Aro switches it off, and it looks like they're instantly at war. Father and son quickly go from indignant questions to shouting. Carlisle quietly escorts us out of the apartment. The yelling is easily heard through the closed door. Alice leads us to her rooms, and I'm glad it's a full suit and I don't have to look at their bed.

"The trackers are part of the Guard – they won't give him up." Alice collapses onto the couch. "My god, what was he thinking?" I sit beside her and wrap my arms around her tiny frame.

"He's lashing out because he's hurt."

"He's suicidal! Aro would have killed him – he has to know that."

"He's not the Captain of the Guard for nothing. He probably thinks he can take Aro. If Aro attacks him within the city, the judgment would be in Jasper's favor. All he really has to do is hold his own until the Guard arrives." We're both talking, and Carlisle sits on the table in front of us.

"Clearly a lot has happened today that I've missed. Would either of you care to fill me in?" Alice turns her woeful stare his way.

"I can't... you'll only hate me too."

I squeeze her shoulders. "He's not going to hate you, Alice..." I glance his way. "...it's not in his nature. He'll just be disappointed." I can't look at him.

She sighs deeply and reaches for my hand. "I... I cheated on Jasper... with Aro."

Carlisle stands abruptly and begins pacing. Both hands dig through his hair and he groans. "Has everybody lost their minds? We're not even back for a day and we've already barely avoided two murders! I don't know what's gotten into you kids."

"We're not kids!" I don't care if he doesn't want me, I refuse to let him go back to treating me like his child.

"You're behaving like children!"

"No, we're behaving like real people, with flaws and pain, and..." I look at Alice. "...we're overwhelmed and pushed beyond our limits." I look up at him. "We're not perfect like you. We haven't had as much time to get all our baggage squared away into neat little compartments. We don't have iron control... sometimes we lose it." I look right at Alice. "Sometimes we hurt the ones we love... and then we need to apologize and fix it. And we do that because we love each other."

It's two years overdue. "I'm sorry I blamed you. It wasn't your fault... Edward made his choices. _He's _the one who chose to keep it from me. You two were so close... I know you wouldn't let him die if you could stop it. I know you did the best you could."

She holds me so tight, human Bella would have been crushed. "I know it's not your fault Esme died. She was murdered by Joham's newborns. I've been over it in my head so many times and my visions tell me that if she lived, you would have died – and we would have lost the war without your shield. There was no place else you could have been to be safe... either battle took you and your shield out. I just wanted you to hurt as much as I do."

"That's the same thing Jasper did. Alice, he loves you – you have to believe that."

"He hates me. He did all those things with her because he knew they'd hurt me."

"You're right... he wanted to hurt you, and he wanted to hurt Aro. Who else but Jasper would know how to kill two birds with one stone?"

"I've ruined everything!" I hold her, but she struggles away from me. She slides to the end of the couch, and pulls her knees into the circle of her arms. "I don't know how to go on from here..."

Carlisle stops his pacing and looks my way. "If you'll stay with her, I'll go see if I can find Jasper." I nod mutely, and we both watch him leave.

I move closer to her and pat her arm. "What happened, Alice? Why Aro?" She springs from the couch and flits around the room aimlessly, as if dispersing pent up energy.

"I don't _know_! I feel like it's all just such a mess!" She looks at me in confusion. "That's not true... I do know. But it's not any one reason... it's just... _everything_!" She takes Carlilsle's perch on the low table. I reach out for her hands and she meets my eyes.

"It wasn't for the sex, if that's what you're thinking... Aro's a striking man – but that's not it." I hold her hands and keep quiet.

"It's the war... I see it over and over in my mind. I see what we did wrong, and it's mixed up with my visions and the chaos... " She whimpers, and her eyes stare far away. "I fight so hard to shut it off and keep the walls up... but it's there every time I let my guard down. I see him die... I see the horror on your face as the flames shoot for the sky... I hear Rosalie screaming and I see her melted face... I see Carlisle broken into pieces... the dead wolves... the fires... your body... the end of the war as Caius takes command and we become his puppets... all the bodies tossed into a flaming pyre... the army marauding through the first human town...feeding."

She stares at me in horror, and I try to put my arms around her but she shakes me off "No! I can't be calmed and soothed anymore! That's part of the problem...it's like they've been trying so hard to keep me calm it's become a drug. The drug doesn't work anymore... it hasn't worked for some time now. It's the reason I turned to Aro." Her eyes beg me for understanding.

"Edward used to help me when the visions got too hard to handle. I started seeing glimpses of the end of days about eight years ago. Joham was in control of the Volturi then, but I couldn't see him. All I saw was the results of his conquest. I saw the beginning – when vampires truly became monsters of nightmare proportion. Edward would share the burden with me and talk me through it. He believed it was a possibility that would never come to pass. He didn't know how frequently I had those visions." I stare at her in horror. I can't fathom how horrible it would be, that she was getting glimpses of the war years before it happened.

"Aro isn't Edward – I know that. But in some ways his gift was better. Edward had to sift through my surface thoughts, but Aro took it _all_! The first time he touched me he fell to his knees in horror. After all those years with Edward, I've learned to shield my mind to some degree. I didn't block Aro – I let him have it all. When he could stand, he held me, because he needed to." Her eyes beg me for understanding.

"Just knowing that someone else understood... it was a miracle. I started spending time with him, just so we could talk about the visions. He's smarter than he looks, and he knows what was happening in Volterra when I saw some of the worst. He helped me fill in the gaps and put some kind of order to the chaos." She looks away, embarrassed.

"He held me during these visits. At first it was because the visions were so horrible, but then it became... comforting. He never wore his gloves with me, and he would hold me, and touch me so softly... innocently I thought. He spoke to me like I was precious to him. He said I had the most complex mind he'd ever touched. He praised me for my strength and wisdom, and he marveled that so much power was in such a beautiful person.

"Bella, I am still a woman, in spite of the visions and the council seat. I drank his praise like wine. I grew to crave his approval. I drew away from Jasper, who only wanted to calm me, and found true solace in Aro's arms." She stands and again wanders around the room.

She doesn't look at me. "I don't know why I blamed you for Esme... I know it wasn't your fault. But I can see it so clearly in my head, how you ran from their group just before the attack. It's like you abandoned them. In many of my visions, you died there. What amazes me is that I don't die in any of my visions – they had orders to keep me alive! We couldn't have saved Esme or the others. You would have died, and Nessie and I would have been taken. What saved Nessie, was that their group split to chase after _us_.

"I had to hold you back... I saw you die so many different ways that day. If you made it to Edward, you would have both been lost, then we would have fallen. You were the key to the whole mess. If you died, we would have succumbed to Caius' control. If you charged into that battle, Jacob wouldn't have attacked Caius – he would have guarded you to his death." She turns to face me.

"I blamed you, because so much hinged on you. You were the reason we didn't all fall that day. I just thought that if you were in the right place at the right time, I would still have my mother... and I know that's wrong... but I couldn't grasp that there was just no way to have saved her. Just like I couldn't save Edward, you couldn't save Esme.

"When we saw him die, you... your shield exploded with the strength of your grief. You took them down – all of them. Vampires, newborns, and hybrids all fell to your attack. They were only stunned for a little while, but it turned the tide. I couldn't help but wonder why you didn't do it sooner to save them..."

She sits beside me and takes my hand. "I know you couldn't have... no one knows how uncontrollable these gifts are better than I do. Even if you had been able to use that attack, it completely depleted you, and we would have lost your shield... we still would have lost the war. But knowing the truth and accepting it are two different things." She puts her arms around me.

"Bella, we left so soon after the battle... Carlisle thought it best to get away from the site of our losses and keep busy. We wanted to get to Volterra before they heard the news of their defeat. We had no idea what we would find, since all we had was Aro's account of the hybrid army. We tried to get you and Rosalie to come with us, but she was injured, and you were... you were so withdrawn you wouldn't even look at us when we spoke to you. You and Rosalie clung together as if you were catatonic. If we touched you, you would scream.

"As we went to work here, I began to resent you. Eleazar kept in touch with Carlisle, and told him you were doing... nothing. We were constantly busy here. We delivered babies, we comforted newborns through their suffering, we fed and nurtured infants until they were toddlers, we had to match the fathers with their offspring and force them to take responsibility for them. We had to teach the newborns to hunt animals, and we had a constant stream of problems thrown at us every day. And you didn't."

"I'm so sorry... I couldn't even function... I wasn't being lazy... I just wanted to die."

"I know." She squeezes my hand reassuringly. "But as soon as Carlisle started making plans to take us back home, I feared seeing you again. Jasper kept telling me everything would be fine as soon as we were back home. But I was getting visions again. I saw you on the island, and I saw you washed out to sea and you disappeared for a very long time. I almost let it happen... but I've seen other visions too. I can't tell you, but they gave me hope.

"Going back home was hard. Carlisle began to withdraw into his sadness. He would go for walks and be gone all day, and when he hunted, he went alone. He was turning into a nomad before our eyes. I encouraged him to buy the house, even though he insisted it was too big. I invited Nahuel and Gemma to come with us, and Huilen and Colette came too. There are others who plan to join us as soon as they get a grasp on their diet.

"I was just starting to pull it together when Nessie delivered her baby. You didn't come home for it, and it stirred up so many memories I couldn't deal with. I couldn't even visit her, it reminded me too much of her birth when we were all a family, and Sarah's birth when we were all grieving. When I had an excuse to leave, I took it."

She sits up and hides her face in her hands. "Aro was waiting for me. He read me at a touch, and he offered me the kind of comfort I needed. Jasper has been trying so hard to suppress my emotions, but Aro encouraged me to let them out. In the flood of all I was feeling, he kissed me. He made me feel alive and desirable and valuable. He... he was exactly what I needed. He unburdened me of every thought, vision, emotion, and care. I found myself lying naked in his arms... and it happened."

She looks at me for a long moment. "That sounds like a cop out. It didn't just happen, I allowed it to happen." A tiny whimper escapes her. "Jasper and I have always made love. Always. He can't hide the way he feels about me, and I can't keep anything from him. It's pure and loving. It's magical. But Aro didn't make love to me. He possessed me. He took all my burdens, then he took me. I've never felt like that before... and I wanted... I _needed _to feel it. I wasn't fragile in his arms, and he didn't treat me as if I would break. It wasn't loving, but it was powerful!"

She looks guilty. "For three days and nights I was his. We stayed in these rooms, and he went occasionally to check on his children, but otherwise we were here. His need was so fierce... and I could meet it with my own. He didn't offer me love and comfort... he took everything from me and left me in blissful oblivion. I was reduced to my physical body, and this body was owned by him." I fight the temptation to put my hands over my ears to drown out her words, and the images they bring.

She collapses back against the cushions, as if she's spent. "When the plane landed in Italy, it was over between us. I told him it could never happen again. He argued with me... he told me he wanted me for his mate. The scary thing is, I've seen visions where I _am _his mate! I know he's seen them through my mind too. But he also knows how I feel about Jasper, and as long as Jasper lives, I will never belong to Aro."

"Is that why you thought he would kill Jasper?"

"No. Aro adores his children. I hope he never finds out what Jasper did. If that secret gets out, it could destroy everything we've done here. Aro may be a lot of things, but the truth is, the Volturi see him as their leader, even after all this time. Jasper may have the Guard at his back, but everyone else here belongs to Aro. It could create a small civil war that could rival Denali." I stare at her in shock.

"We have to do something to keep that from happening!" I stand and look around the room. "Do you have a copy of the council's charter around here?" She found one and we sat down to look over the massive document. "Arianna is still young. What are the chances that Aro will go the rest of his life without touching her? The truth will come out eventually. We've got to find something in here that will protect Jasper, and keep the peace."

**A/N: Friday is the day I chose to update this story, but I'm three chapters ahead, and I'm just so excited to get these updates out to you. As soon as the wild plot bunnies stop dragging me so fast, I'll probably go to Friday. **

**I know this story is a little hard to handle with everyone seeming to be out of character. There's a lot of grief and guilt that has been pushed aside in the wake of the war. There is healing ahead, trust me. But everyone has been touched in some way, and no one is completely innocent. **

**Thank you so much for reading, and know I appreciate your comments. **


	18. Chapter 18 Heart of Volturi

**Chapter 17 recap:**

"...Aro adores his children. I hope he never finds out what Jasper did. If that secret gets out, it could destroy everything we've done here. Aro may be a lot of things, but the truth is, the Volturi see him as their leader, even after all this time. Jasper may have the Guard at his back, but everyone else here belongs to Aro. It could create a small civil war that could rival Denali." I stare at her in shock.

"We have to do something to keep that from happening!" I stand and look around the room. "Do you have a copy of the council's charter around here?" She found one and we sat down to look over the massive document. "Arianna is still young. What are the chances that Aro will go the rest of his life without touching her? The truth will come out eventually. We've got to find something in here that will protect Jasper, and keep the peace."

**Chapter 18**

**Heart of Volturi**

"You realize this charter is based on their old law. We got rid of the more ridiculous rules, and we changed the punishments for most of them from death and destruction to something more in line with the offense. But war within the city is still against the law and punishable by death. That goes for attacking anyone in leadership." She looks frightened. "Do you really think Aro would go after him, even if the deed is over and long past?"

"I don't know, you tell me. It sounds like Aro's got a pretty long memory to me. You realize, he can't touch any of us either – especially you – if you're going to try to save Jasper. All five of us know, and that alone might make him angry enough to attack him. Jasper did the deed, but Carlisle lied, you covered it up, and I shielded her mind."

"You did that? I thought Carlisle really did give her something! I wasn't paying much attention to him... he really lied?"

"Yes... to save Jasper... and you."

"How does his lie save me?"

"If Jasper dies... " I think of how Edward's death nearly destroyed me. "...trust me Alice. – he saved you."

We spend the next two hours sifting through the pages of the charter. One thing in our favor is the hybrids are given an age equivalent to their physical maturity rather than their chronological age. It makes Arianna effectively fifteen rather than seven and a half. At fifteen she barely meets the age of consent requirements. If she were any younger, the punishment for his crime is quite archaic and brutal. It would mean that he and Alice wouldn't be sharing any marital bliss for quite some time – until it grew back.

"What's this part here referring to?" It's a part of their punishment code that mentions a public judgment venue. She seems puzzled. From a shelf she pulls a huge tomb and again we read through pages and pages of hand written ancient Volturi law.

"I think this is it!" We read over it several times until we understand the whole process. "It could work, but it could fail miserably too." She marks the place in both books of law.

"The question is, do we wait until Aro finds out on his own, or should we be proactive and bring it up ourselves? Either way, this could get real ugly, real fast."

"We need to fill the council seats first. Carlisle is outnumbered by Aro and his protege. Reese will vote for whichever outcome promises the most violence, and your vote will definitely be thrown out – as would Nahuel's. That puts it at three to three, and I'll be disqualified as a tie-breaker. You saw in the book how difficult it is to settle a tie. We need to fill the seats with a good councilor and an amazing alternate – that's the one who will break the tie. It would also help if there was a way to discredit our newest member. She's been in Aro's back pocket since she was appointed."

"That's a tall order, and we've got to do it all before the next time Aro kisses his baby girl goodnight. No problem." We stare at each other, then both of us erupt in a fit of giggles at the absurdity.

Alice hugs me tight. "I've missed you so much! Please, let's never fight again." We hold each other, and for just a few moments, the clock turns back, and we're seventeen again, with nothing more important to worry about than prom and who's going to drive to school.

"So, how do we go about setting this up? Let's get a plan started before Aro can get his hands on Jasper." I'm waiting for her answer, but she's quiet, and just staring at her hands. As I watch she twists her wedding band around on her finger.

"He won't ever forgive me."

"He has to forgive you, he loves you. He doesn't want to lose you, Alice."

"He was with that little girl... he knows her. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. It was like I was watching someone who looked like my Jasper, but it wasn't him. What if we had come too late? My god, he could have even gotten her pregnant!"

"I don't think so."

"Bella, they're fertile, he could have easily impregnated her."

"No... I mean I don't think he would have gone all the way with her. She was asleep when I got there – partly from blood loss – but she was out. I thought she was dying, and that's why I screamed. I think he staged it so Aro would find him with her. He didn't expect we would find him first. Don't you think that if Jasper wanted to make love to her, it would have been a done deal?"

"That's so... devious! My god, he had her clothes off and everything...!"

"He kept his on. Plus he wasn't aroused."

"You looked?"

"I got the whole scene burned into my retinas!" I take her hands in mine. "Jasper's a good man at heart. He doesn't really want to hurt Arianna; this was a stab at you and Aro – especially Aro. He's hurting, and feeling a bit self-destructive. He's not trying to replace you."

"I love him." Her voice is so small and hopeless. "I don't know what I'd do without him. I can't believe I ruined it." She looks up at me with her big dark eyes. "Where would he go, Bella? Why hasn't Carlisle found him yet? Maybe I should go and look for him?" She looks as if she's ready to run out the door immediately.

"No... you need to stay here. What if you run into Aro instead?"

"Oh my god! He can't ever touch me again." She looks away. "How perfect is that? If I cheat with Aro again, it will literally kill Jasper."

"Alice...?" I try to change the subject. "... how did Aro find out so soon? He was too far away to hear anything."

"His oldest daughter Aurora told him. Aurora's a telepath. She can both send and receive thoughts. She becomes more mentally attuned the longer she knows someone. She has a pretty strong bond with her family."

"Do you think she knows about Jasper?" I start to get a sick feeling about the whole thing.

"If she knew, Aro would know. Distance works against her, thank god. "

That's a pretty powerful ability. It sounds a lot like Edward's gift."

She shakes her head. "Armando has Edward's ability – exactly." It takes a moment to process, that the very thing that made Edward so special was passed on to Aro's son. I recall the young man's substance abuse and strange behavior. "I think part of the reason he's so messed up is because he hasn't learned to control his gift. He's still trying to make it go away." I'm impressed by Alice's insight.

"He might know what happened... I thought he was asleep when I looked in his room, but I'm not sure."

"I don't think he'll tell Aro. He and Arianna are close." She sighs. "They think Aurora is his favorite. He does favor her a little bit, but it's because she was his first. He was pretty blown away that he could have children." She stops talking abruptly, then looks embarrassed. "I'm sorry... we talked a lot."

The tap at the door interrupts us. Carlisle comes in alone. He looks tired and worried, and I wish I could go to him. Alice looks at me as if she expects me to.

"I didn't find him. But the car he uses is missing, so I believe he left the city."

"If Aro finds out, he can attack him outside the city with no serious consequences." I can feel her anxiety increasing as she squeezes my hands. "It's all my fault he's in so much danger now."

"Jasper brought this on himself!" Carlisle looms over us. "He should have known better than to mess around with a vulnerable teenage girl." I stare up at his disapproval. I don't want to argue with him, but the words come out before I can stop them.

"He believed Aro was messing around with a vulnerable girl himself. He was only repaying him in kind. Has anyone gone to see how Arianna really feels?"

"I checked her over myself. I may not like it, but venomous hybrids can give blood the way she did, with no serious consequences. They heal quickly, and if they eat, their blood is replenished faster than if they were human. It's one of the things I'm trying to stop, but I've been fighting a losing battle. If you remember, it's how Nahuel and Gemma kept Huilen alive. We've been fortunate that we haven't lost anyone yet."

"I'm sure she'll be fine physically, but has anyone checked to make sure she's not upset? Is someone with her right now? Did Aro stay with her, or did he go out and try to find whoever attacked her?"

Carlisle looks at me strangely. "I saw Aro out looking for her attacker. He didn't say it, but I think he was looking for Jasper."

Alice Jumps up in a panic. "Oh my god, he'll kill him!"

I stand and wrap her in my arms. "Alice, calm down." I do my best to hold her attention. "Think about it, you would know if he was in imminent danger. If Aro were closing in on Jasper, I know without a doubt you'd feel it. You also need to be careful what you do to find him. If you sense where he is, you can't go to him, or Aro will follow you right to him." She looks at me with her eyes wide, and I can see all her pain, guilt, confusion, and fear. I hold her gently, then she collapses back on the couch.

"Why don't you tell Carlisle about what we've found that could get us through this situation. I think I'm going to go and check on Arianna." I need to get out of the room with him. Every time I look at him it's a painful reminder of my loss. I kiss her cheek and retreat into the hallway.

"Bella..." I turn back at the sound of his voice, and Carlisle's there, just outside her door. I freeze. He looks at me with his warm, honest eyes, and I'm caught. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. Thank you for making peace with Alice...I..."

"No problem. I've got to go..." I turn to leave, and he catches my arm.

"Do you think we could make peace between the two of us?" I don't expect him to be so close, but I can't read the look on his face. I want to throw my arms around him and tell him I love him. But the way he treated me earlier is too fresh in my mind. I take a step backward.

"You know... there's just something about the Cullen men that finds it a little too easy to walk away from me when I need them the most. I'm going to need a little more time." I reach out impulsively to touch his cheek, but pull my hand back before I do. I force myself not to look back as I stride down the hall.

I tap on Aro's door, and Armando answers. I step inside without being asked, and close the door behind me.

I lean against the door and watch as Aro's son comes closer. He smirks and looks down at me. He's got that cocky attitude that often doesn't survive past the teens, once it's evident the world doesn't revolve around you.

"Couldn't stay away, could you, Bella?" He crowds in closer.

"I came to see how Arianna's doing. Who told you my name?"

"I got it right out of Alice's head." He makes a motion with his hand, as if plucking something out of thin air. "You really are a beauty – _Bella._" He grins as if he's the first one to ever notice the Italian translation of my name. I'm about to push past him, when the grin drops from his face and he stares at me. He leans in close enough I can smell the cigarettes and beer crawling up my nose. "I can't hear you!" He laughs nervously. "What the hell are you?"

I edge around him in the narrow space. "You need to back up, I'm here to see Arianna. Why don't you go take a shower and brush your teeth."

"What _are_ you?" He grabs my arm in his strong grip. Dad would be impressed with how easily I break his hold with the self-defense moves he taught me when I was in Forks. But maybe the way I slam him against the wall with my arm against his throat would bother him.

"I'm the one who's going to see if a hybrid can lose teeth, if you touch me again!" I remember after a moment that he's only sixteen. I step back, and raise my hands to show I don't mean him any harm. "Sorry... it's been a long day already... I'm just here to see Arianna." I step past him as he stares at me.

I tap on the door to her room and find her sitting at the vanity. She seems a little embarrassed to see me, which is perfectly normal considering the last time I saw her she was in bed with Jasper.

"I just came to make sure you were okay." I sit on the edge of the bed so I'm not staring down at her. She really is a beautiful girl, and I can't imagine how it must have made Alice feel to see her with her husband.

"I'm really sorry about this afternoon... I don't know what came over me. Vito's never treated me like that before. I mean I was taking your advice, and trying to take things real slow... but when he came to see me, I just couldn't resist him." She stares down at her hands.

"Vito?" Oh my god... she doesn't even know!

"Isn't he adorable?" She sighs dreamily. "Thanks so much for not telling Papa about him. He'd probably kill him after what he said at breakfast.

"Arianna, did Vito bite you?"

She looks puzzled for a moment. "I've been bitten before, but I don't like the scar it left behind. Vito didn't bite me, he cut me with a kitchen knife. It hurts, but there's no venom burn to leave a scar. He wasn't used to it, and he made a mess of my sheets!"

I kneel beside her chair and take her hands in mine. "Honey, you shouldn't let anyone drink your blood – or sleep with you either for that matter. You're precious, and no one should be allowed to use you like that."

She shrugs dismissively. "It's not as if I'm a virgin or anything. I've been doing oral or getting laid since I was eleven. It's no big deal, all the girls do it." My jaw drops, and she laughs. "When Joham was in charge, it was expected of us. Everyone had to have a purpose. I don't have a power, so I served in other ways." I close my eyes and wish one more time for a chance to have my hands around that monster's throat.

"Joham is dead. And I'm here to tell you once and for all, he was wrong. Your value doesn't lie in what you can do for someone, but in who you _are_! Honey, you have the right to be safe and secure, and not have to worry about anyone violating your body in any way. You should be loved and adored, not used and abused. You have every right to demand that people treat you with dignity and respect."

"I've been trying to tell her that for ages." Aro leans in her doorway watching us. I stand up, feeling suddenly nervous.

"I was just checking to make sure she was okay after all the drama this afternoon." I watch him like a mongoose must watch a cobra.

"That's very nice of you. I'm afraid I'm not very good at the mothering side of parenthood." He looks suddenly guilty. "Sometimes I'm not very good at the fathering side either. What kind of father allows an intruder to get inside his home with his young daughter?"

She stands and puts her arms around him. "It's okay Papa, I'm fine! See, it's already healed." She shows him her neck, where the cut has disappeared. "I'm not even dizzy anymore."

"He could have killed you!" He looks over her shoulder at me, and I can't tell if he's trying to read my reaction or tell me he knows it's Jasper. Either way, I keep my expression of concern for Arianna carefully in place. "Tell me, has Alice succeeded in finding her husband?" His eyes narrow.

"No. Carlisle even went to look for him, and it seems he's disappeared. He's worried about him." I want to say more, but I shut up with just the obvious revelation.

"He should be worried. How am I supposed to keep my daughter safe with the Captain of the Guard missing?" His eyes bore into mine, and it's clear he knows Jasper's the one responsible. "Once he's found, we can make damn sure this never happens again!"

"We want nothing less." I smile sweetly. "We just want to keep _everyone _safe."

Arianna steps away from her father. "I'm going to get a little snack. Dr. Cullen says I need to eat and drink more to replenish what I lost." She slips past him, leaving me alone in the small space with him.

"How is Alice?" He shifts gears on me, and I have to remind myself he's been in power among the most powerful for hundreds, if not thousands of years.

"She's calm. We've made peace after this morning's disastrous meeting. I'm sorry to have caused a problem."

He laughs. "_You _are not the cause of any problem." He steps into the room, neatly trapping me. "Do you have a few minutes to talk?" He takes her chair and turns it so he can sit astride it with his arms folded across the back. "I've been wanting to talk to you since your first visit to Italy."

"I... guess." I sit on the edge of her bed again, and he's frighteningly close. I know he could kill me without much effort on his part.

"I never did thank you for putting your shield around me – during the war."

"That was Jasper's idea. He knew you'd never voluntarily give up power..." He stares at me at the mention of Jasper's name.

"He's very cunning, that one." He doesn't smile.

"If he wasn't, he'd have died a long time ago."

"Eventually, everyone's luck runs out."

"Not yours." He holds my gaze for a long uncomfortable moment.

"People would do well to remember that." He smiles humorlessly. "That shield of yours comes in quite handy doesn't it? I mean I knew when I first made your acquaintance it was guarding you. But it's a whole different story now that you can use it to block the minds of others." I feel like a bug under a magnifying glass. His deep crimson eyes miss nothing.

"It's purely defensive. It keeps others from doing what they shouldn't be doing."

"I think there was a whole field of Volturi who would disagree with you on your assertion that your shield is purely defensive. In fact, I imagine it would be quite useful even one to one in close quarters." He looks at me meaningfully.

"Maybe." I concede. "Did you only want to talk to me about my shield?"

"No. Actually, I want to talk to you about Alice." I wish I had a shield for my emotions and facial expressions. "I know she told you..." He pushes the door closed. "...about our affair." He looks troubled. "I'm worried about her."

"She's fine. In fact I think she's better than she's been in quite a while. She's finally starting to heal after everything that happened."

"I'm in love with her." His words make me gasp. "I think I've always been carrying a torch for her. But now... she's all I can think about - now what we've been lovers."

"You were married! How could you love Alice when you were married yourself?"

He laughs bitterly. "I married Sulpicia for her kingdom. We were only intimate for the first year. I spent seventeen hundred years in a loveless marriage. That's the most expensive piece of real estate anyone's ever purchased."

"Are you the reason she died in the war?"

"Joham is the reason she died in the war!" He's on his feet in an instant. "He insisted that every vampire woman was a waste of resources since she couldn't reproduce. He didn't even care about the abilities of Jane, Renata, or Chelsea. He reasoned that there were hybrids being born every day with powers to rival theirs. Don't you understand, Bella..." He leans over me, with his face inches from mine. "...we all lost in the war! They were my coven, my friends, and my family, and he didn't care about any of them! All that mattered to him was his precious hybrid army!"

He seems to regain control of himself. He sits back down facing me. "I had it worked out with Caius, that if we won, Alice would be mine. Don't look so shocked, it was _war_."

"It was an unprovoked attack on us!" I stood, feeling the same rage I felt earlier. "Just like when you came twelve years ago to destroy my family. You didn't care about the truth or about right and wrong, you just came to destroy for the sake of power and control!"

"We thought you were breaking the law then!" He was on his feet and we were facing each other, inches apart.

""Liar!" I shout. All I can remember is the sea of Volturi robes, and feeling as if I was about to lose everything. "You wanted to smash our family to pieces and take the parts you wanted for your own!"

"We thought you'd created an immortal child."

"We did – we just didn't make her a vampire!" I throw up my hands in exasperation. "How in the world did you ever claim Carlisle as your friend, if you couldn't even pick up the phone and talk to him? You couldn't have possibly known him if you thought for one minute he'd allow us to create a vampire baby." I shake my head determinedly. "No... your reasoning doesn't wash. You came to attack us and wipe us out. You came to pick and choose who you would bring back, and who you would kill."

He stares at me, then drops his guard. "You're absolutely right," he declares unapologetically. "The Cullen Coven was powerful. Carlisle traveled for the better part of three hundred and fifty years. He made friends and admirers everywhere he went. He seemed to have a knack for attracting powerful children to him, and he was even well-respected among humans. In all the world, there are only a handful of covens who could ever touch us, and of those, the Cullen's topped the list."

"We were never a threat to you." I feel more sadness than anger at his revelation.

"Do you think that mattered? To Caius, anyone who could defeat us, was a threat. He was always proactive in taking out our competition. It's how we became the law. It's how we kept every small coven and nomadic vampire cowed and afraid."

"Delphine was right," I marvel.

He laughs. "Delphine... I remember her. Her own coven was third on the list." He smiles disarmingly. "Joham underestimated the vampire women, and it cost him his life."

"Not soon enough."

"Agreed, not soon enough."

"I can't believe you were going to kidnap Alice."

"So, we're back to that now, are we?" He exhales loudly and sits down again. "I would have taken her in a heartbeat. I tried to have Chelsea break them up the first time they came to Volturra. Alice has the most beautiful mind I've ever seen. It's like a maze, with walls, and rooms and doors, and places even I cannot access. I wanted her even then." He only smiles at my look of distaste.

"She stayed away for so long, but then when you came to save Edward, I had two treasures presented to me. She delighted me, and you... you were such a mystery even then. I knew immediately why Edward loved you." He closes his eyes as if dreaming. He opens them to gaze longingly at me. "The silent mind... what I would give to have taken you then and there. I would have gladly stolen you and taken you as my mate, if not for two things..."

I don't want to ask, but I hear my voice ask the question anyway. "What..."

"You were his singer. It would have been cruel to deprive him of your blood."

"But taking away someone he loved would have been fine?"

He laughs. "Do you know how many of the Volturi dropped their mates to join us? Let me just say, no matter what anyone tries to tell you, vampires don't necessarily mate for life. True love among our kind is rare. We kill people for dinner, what do we know about love?" He smiles at the irony. "Once someone joined us, Chelsea was the glue that held us together."

"So if not love, then what saved me?"

He raises his eyebrow. "You make it sound like it would have been abhorrent. I would have made a good mate for you. Italians are passionate lovers..."

I clap my hands over my ears. "Stop please!"

His laughter cuts through my inadequate barrier. "I would have set Sulpicia aside for you." He reaches out and touches my face with his gloved hand, and I try not to flinch. "I would have married you, and turned you on our honeymoon night." He grins wickedly. "I knew from his mind you were a virgin. It's a rare treat to be able to spill a woman's virgin blood while tasting her life's blood at the same time."

The image in my mind horrifies me, and I slap the smug look from his face. I see anger flash in his eyes and know the razor's edge of fear. It seems to take him a moment to get himself under control.

"Maybe I deserved that." He leans in close to me. "But there was a time, not very long ago, when I would have been within my rights to end you for that _unprovoked attack_."

"You deserved it!" I meet his eyes. "And there was a time, not very long ago, when I could have left you to die with the others, just like a helpless puppet." He moves away from me and chuckles – he's so mercurial, and I feel like I've got to be constantly on my guard.

"You needn't worry. As long as you came with Alice, I wouldn't have taken you. Even when we came to Forks, I planned to have her. When I saw she was missing, I wanted to just leave and go home. But then she showed up and everything turned against us, as you know."

"You would seriously sentence Alice to a life without the people she loves? You'd take her against her will and force yourself on her? That's not love."

"Don't you think I understand the problems?" He's on his feet again. His mood changes faster than vampire speed, and I'm having trouble keeping up. His gloved fingers clench into fists, and he becomes frustrated with the gloves, and tears them off. He visibly calms himself, and with a sigh he sits down on the bed beside me beside me.

"It's a curse as much as it is a blessing." He looks at me as we sit side by side. "Alice has such a complex mind, and yet touching her lets me see her love for her husband. It's all there in a moment – almost a hundred years of loving, intimate, companionship. I hate him for what he has with her." He stares at me – through me. "I've loved her for so long through his memories... and now I know the difference. I now love her because of my own memories. I can never forget her now."

He laughs bitterly. "I actually wish I'd never lain with her. I feel like I've lost so much, because I had her once, and now I can't have her. Does that make any sense?"

"Perfect sense." I remember wishing I could banish Edward's memory. "Wait a minute... you've seen her through reading his mind... have you seen me through Edward's mind too?" I remember when they met on the field in Forks and he'd read Edward then. "You've seen us together?" I hear the alarm in my voice.

He laughs softly. "Blessing and curse, remember. Anyone I touch shares their every thought with me. Most of the time I don't choose to sift through their memories beyond the handful of things I'd like to know." He closes his eyes, and smiles. "But gnawing on the pillows and breaking the headboard... that is charming! I never would have guessed he could do it without killing you. You're lucky he only bruised..."

"...YOU SAW ME!" I'm on my feet, screeching. "It was my honeymoon! You have no right to steal those memories!"

"Relax Bella, you were so beautiful... soft, warm, fragrant... " He groans

"You're disgusting! You're a mental voyeur! You're no better than a common peeping Tom!" I turn to storm out, and he grabs my wrist in his iron grip, stopping me. He stands, staring down into my horrified eyes.

"I could tell you what he was thinking the day he left you in the woods. He was such a fool to leave you." His voice is low and beguiling. "A few miles away, there was a stand of trees he completely destroyed in his grief. There's nothing but matchsticks left." He's pulls me closer, and his arm slides around my waist. I want to run, but he's holding me fast with his words. "He was so afraid he was going to be the one to kill you. Every time you were together he visualized drinking from you – he fought it so hard! Every time you kissed him, he ached to go further."

He releases my wrist, and his hand slides around my neck. "You were everything to him, and he walked away and left you... he didn't think you could possibly love him as much as he loved you. He agonized over the thought of you in another man's arms." He holds me close, looking down into my eyes, and I'm so caught up in the memories of Edward, I can't pull away.

He softly strokes my face with his fingers. "There's a lot I could offer you, if you were my mate." Like a bucket of ice water dumped over me, his words shock me out of my reverie. Before I manage to pull away from him, he kisses me. I clamp my lips shut and try to twist away from him, but his arms tighten and he holds me still.

His lips slide along my face and he presses his cheek to mine. He murmurs softly in my ear. "Bella please... you're so quiet... so peaceful... you could help me forget her...I could learn to love you. I can touch you and not hear your thoughts... it's blissful. I can do the things he did for you...I can be what you want. Just give me a chance. I'll leave them alone." He pulls back so he can look me in the eye. "Give me a chance Bella, and I'll leave Jasper and Alice alone."

**A/N: I can hear all your gnashing of teeth at how horrible Aro is behaving. But don't get too used to hating anyone in this story, they're liable to change. I'm still two chapters ahead, so the next chapter will come on Thursday. Thank you so much for reading!  
><strong>


	19. Chapter 19 Mind Games

**Chapter 18 reminder**

He releases my wrist, and his hand slides around my neck. "You were everything to him, and he walked away and left you... he didn't think you could possibly love him as much as he loved you. He agonized over the thought of you in another man's arms." He holds me close, looking down into my eyes, and I'm so caught up in the memories of Edward, I can't pull away.

He softly strokes my face with his fingers. "There's a lot I could offer you, if you were my mate." Like a bucket of ice water dumped over me, his words shock me out of my reverie. Before I manage to pull away from him, he kisses me. I clamp my lips shut and try to twist away from him, but his arms tighten and he holds me still.

His lips slide along my face and he presses his cheek to mine. He murmurs softly in my ear. "Bella please... you're so quiet... so peaceful... you could help me forget her...I could learn to love you. I can touch you and not hear your thoughts... it's blissful. I can do the things he did for you...I can be what you want. Just give me a chance. I'll leave them alone." He pulls back so he can look me in the eye. "Give me a chance Bella, and I'll leave Jasper and Alice alone."

**Chapter 19**

**Mind Games**

I can't believe what I'm hearing. How could he declare his love for Alice in one breath, and ask me to be his mate in the next?

"Let go of me! You're not making any sense!" I struggle, realizing how strong he really is, but gradually he releases me. "I don't know what time period you were born in, but the cave man schtick doesn't work anymore!" I back away from him and lean against the door.

"You're right, I'm sorry. Please forgive me for being so forward."

"Forward? Is that what you call it?" I can't believe his audacity. "I was afraid you were going to rape me in your daughter's bedroom! Oh god, they can probably hear everything." I turn and put my hand on the doorknob to leave.

"Wait... please." He sits on her bed. "I promise I won't touch you again." The tone of his voice stops me. It's as if the pride and arrogance have been drained out of it. "I really am sorry." He pushes his fingers through his loose curls. "I _am_ out of touch. I may not have loved Sulpicia, but I was married to her for a very long time. I am now a single man, and the world has passed me by. For all of my thoughts of setting her aside, it likely would never have happened. Isn't that the age-old promise of the married man?" He smiles ruefully.

There's a tap at the door. "Papa, may I come in?" I step away from the door and Arianna timidly comes in. He stands and pulls her to him, running his fingers through her hair, tucking it behind her ear. He's made enough of a show of it, I understand he's sifted through her memory already He steps out of her room and beckons to me.

I follow him down the hall, and he steps into his own room. "Come in, I won't bite you – or ravish you as the case may be." I'm not sure what his next ploy will be, and I really should leave. But I'm actually afraid of confronting Carlisle if I go. I step into his lair, leaving the door open.

I'd glimpsed the antiques and artifacts from the hall, but I'm overwhelmed with them in his room. He invites me to sit on an antique settee, and he sits carefully at the other end. As much as I'd like to stare at the contents of the room, I'm afraid to turn my back on him.

"I confronted Vito about what he did to Arianna. I was quite prepared to execute him where he stood. But his father assured me Vito was with him at the time of the attack, and he could back it up with his memories. As much as it pains me, Vito is innocent."

I sit quiet and still.

"I don't appreciate being made a fool!" He exhales slowly, as if he's making an effort to calm himself. "Still, I can understand that I have crossed boundaries that should not have been crossed with Alice. Regardless of how I feel for her, she is still married – for the time being." He shifts uncomfortably, then looks me in the eyes.

"I confess, I am not the most romantic of men. I have never had to be. Still, I have plucked the knowledge of love, and romance from the minds of those much more accomplished than I could ever be. I would like the opportunity to woo you."

"I don't understand... you told me you love Alice. Why would you ask me to be the consolation prize?" I feel a pang of sympathy for how I treated Carlisle.

"In a few short years, my children will be mature and self-sufficient. When they leave, I'll be all alone. I don't suffer loneliness well. Everyone I knew is gone. Everything I poured my life and passion into has been lost or it's unrecognizable. I feel like I'm being forced to confront the modern age, and I am ill equipped to handle it." He pointedly looks around the room. "I want someone to help me learn to live in this new life. I think you would be good for me."

"It sounds like you're hiring an assistant, not looking for someone to be romantically involved with you." I take the bull by the horns. "Besides, I'm already involved with someone."

"Carlisle...yes, I know." He smiles devilishly. "I confess, part of the reason I want you, is because he wants you too. It will give me great satisfaction to take something from him he desires."

"Why?"

"He lied to me! No one lies to me! No one. I also know you shielded her mind." He slides closer to me. He reaches out and takes my hand. "I'm going to pursue you, Bella. And I'm going to win you, right out from under him." He kisses the back of my hand, butterfly soft. "I'll be good to you. I can be a good and faithful husband. I know that wrapped in your quiet arms, I'll forget her. I'll learn to love you, and I'll make you love me."

It's so surreal, having the most powerful creature in the known world declaring his interest in me. I don't agree to any of his strange statements. I love Carlisle, and Aro doesn't stand a chance.

"I really think it's time for me to go." Before I can get up he puts his hand gently on my arm

"Stay..." He looks at me expectantly. "...Please. It's not time for my children to go to bed yet. Talk to me... I rarely have a need to speak with anyone." He again takes my hand in his. "It's nice to be able to touch someone without knowing their every thought." I feel like I should pull my hand away, but the simple contact seems to calm him. He relaxes beside me, and sighs softly.

"Even before I was turned, I could read people. Not the way I can now, but I've always been perceptive and able to tell what people were thinking by their facial expressions, body language, eyes, temperature, breathing, and any number of different tells. It was almost impossible to lie to me. The change gave me this power, and I've been fighting to manage it ever since."

"You're son isn't doing so well with his."

He groans. "Armando is... a challenge. His mother was a drug addict, and I'm afraid he's following in her footsteps."

"No. He's trying to drown out his power."

"You've spent five minutes with him and you feel qualified to tell me I'm wrong!"

"I spent over ten years with Edward... I know how hard it was for him sometimes." I lift his hand, which is still clutching mine. "You get to choose when and if to touch – Armando does not. I'm the only one he couldn't read."

"You're a mind reader's delight!" He smiles and presses his lips to my hand.

"That may be true. But he needs help, or you're going to lose him. Think how much harder it has to be for him. You can read someone, then sift through their thoughts at your own leisure. Armando has it all coming at him all the time. Surface thought are often inane and shallow. They're the lists people construct, the longings they can't contain, the minutia of the day, and all the basic wants and desires for everything from food to sex. He's only sixteen, and he's likely seen every manner of fantasy that can be dreamed up."

"I know all about those kinds of thoughts. I see them too – I've learned to ignore them."

"Armando hasn't learned. He's only had eight years to learn everything he knows now. Edward didn't get his ability until he was seventeen. He had a strong and loving teacher to help him through it. He had a year away from other minds, and he eventually had friends he could trust around him. Armando missed some of those things. Then you add to it Joham's brainwashing, and life without a mother, and I'd be surprised if he _wasn't _doing drugs."

"I don't know why you're bringing this up." He looks annoyed. "I wanted to talk about you; or if you prefer – me."

"You assume I'm going to just fall in line with your whole courtship plan. I'm not. I won't let you hurt my family. And you're crazy if you think I'm just gong to fall for you because of who you are, or because you can threaten Jasper and Alice." I sit up and pull my hand away from him. "I came here to check up on Arianna, and to be honest, Armando worries me just as much. But I'm not playing these games with you, Aro." I stand up with every intention of leaving.

"Armando!" He bellows the name, and it reminds me so much of how Charlie used to call to me when the phone was for me. In seconds the boy slouches into his father's room, looking guilty. I have to wonder how much of our conversations he's listened in on. The look he gives Aro says it all; he's heard everything.

"I want you to sit in here for a while, and talk with Bella. I'm going to go and find out what's keeping Aurora. You don't mind sitting with my children, do you Bella?" He clearly doesn't expect me to refuse him.

"I really should be going..."

"I won't be long. Please." Armando scowls, clearly seeing the intention behind his father's ploy.

"This isn't going to work, Aro. I don't need to be a mind reader to know what you're up to. But I don't mind a chance to get to know Armando better." I smile at his son, and he rolls his eyes in response. Aro smiles triumphantly, then disappears.

As soon as he's gone, Armando plops onto the settee and produces a pack of cigarettes and lights one.

"Would you mind not smoking, please?" I try for politeness, but his glare tells me he doesn't care.  
>"What's the big deal? You're a frickin vampire; it's not as if you'll get lung cancer." He sounds like he's maybe twelve, but he looks like he's a young adult. He puffs on his cigarette and insolently blows smoke rings.<p>

"Please, Armando. I may not get cancer, but I don't like the smell, and I don't like the chance of starting a fire, and …. this room is full of antiques that are easily damaged by smoke."

He sneers and pulls a small, obviously antique china bowl from the side table, and stubs out his cigarette in the beautiful glass. "Happy?" He taunts.

"I can't believe I used to be a teenager like you once."

"You were never like me, babe. I know your kind, even if I can't read your mind. All good girl, sweet and innocent, color inside the lines, do what you're told."

I laugh harshly at his assessment. "I lied to my father, snuck a boy into my bed every night, and I was rarely where I said I would be. And my dad was the police chief. You think you've got a monopoly on rebellion?" I sit down beside him. "I know what's behind this whole bad boy image."

"This ain't no image, this is who I am." He's so cocky and insolent, and yet I can see he's baiting me, trying to get a reaction out of me.

"You didn't get a chance to meet my husband. He died in the war." I try to keep the sadness from taking over.

"You were married? You look like you're barely eighteen."

"I was almost nineteen when I was changed." I realize he hasn't put it together than I'm the first to survive giving birth to a hybrid. I really don't want to get into that right now. "My husband was a vampire, and he was exactly like you."

He laughs with both amusement and derision. "There isn't anyone exactly like me, babe."

"He could read minds the same way you do." I don't push him, and slowly he absorbs what I've said.

"You're Edward Cullen's wife – shit!" He stands up nervously, then sits back down. "I didn't know, ma'am. I'm sorry!"

His sudden change catches me off guard, and I laugh loud and long, while he watches me in confusion. "What did they tell you about us? You look like you expect me to sprout wings and fly."

"Maybe angels wings...you're the First Mother! You're practically the Madonna around here." His eyes narrow and his lips turn up in a twisted smile. "You were going to kick my ass," he snorts. "Who would have thought Isabella Cullen had such balls!"

I have to giggle at that. "I'm not Madonna – she's still a singer as far as I'm concerned. And for the record, I'm not in the habit of kicking anyone's ass. The only one I really wanted a crack at is already dead."

"It sounded like you could have gone toe to toe with Pops. But don't worry, he affects everyone that way. Might do him some good to come down a few notches."

It's plain to see the resentment on his face. "You two don't get along, do you?"

He snorts. "Like fire to gasoline. He hates me. No one can live up to his precious Aurora. Ari and I are barely tolerated. As soon as we're old enough, we're outta here." He looks at me closely. "Damn, I really can't read you. It's like you're a walking corpse... I mean... ah hell, I always say the wrong thing!"

"It's okay." I laugh softly. "I used to confound Edward too. It used to drive him nuts that he could read everyone but me."

"I like that I can't read you. Everybody always judges me."

"I'm not judging you. I think you've got one of the hardest powers to deal with. I wouldn't want it myself. The only one tougher is Alice's."

"The fortune teller," he snorts. "Yeah, Pops likes her quite a bit. He thinks I don't know he's been nailing her."

"Please! Can you just tone it down a bit... for me?"

"Sorry... I forgot." He looks momentarily ashamed. "I try not to read his mind. There's way too much shit...uh...stuff going on in there. You're not seriously interested in him, are you?"

"Would that bother you?" The look on his face says clearly it would. "No. I'm not seriously interested in him."

"Good. He thinks you're a Rook." At my blank look he explains. "Like the chess pieces. He sees himself as the king, and Alice as a queen. You're a Rook – the one in the corner that follows the straight line. Carlisle's a knight, and Aurora is a Bishop."

"I guess it's better than being a pawn."

He looks distant. "That's me and Ari. Jasper, and Ciprianna his protege on the council – actually the whole council are his pawns."

"He doesn't really see you that way." I hope not at least.  
>"I see what he doesn't want me to see." He smirks. "He thinks I'm weak and undisciplined. He hates that I'm his firstborn son, and not Aurora. Don't get involved with him, he'll use you; he uses everybody."<p>

"Have you learned any control of your gift?" I want desperately to change the subject.

"What gift...?" He looks at me blankly. "You mean this mind-reading shit? You're kidding me, right?"

"No. I'm not kidding. Edward had learned to control it to some degree. He could … I don't know... isolate it in his head and tune it out. He said it was like background noise, and he had to tune back in to hear it. He said really loud thoughts got through, but otherwise he could choose when to listen."

"I've tried. I can't shut it out. Usually I just stay home or hang out with a couple friends and get high." He looks at me accusingly. "I know you're judging me. But hybrids metabolize drugs different than humans. Pot works better than coke, and heroine doesn't work at all. Alcohol is the best, but it takes so much to get us drunk."

"Edward played piano." He laughs derisively at that. "He told me it's the sound that helps block out the thoughts, but his own thinking that distracts him from them. It takes so much to play well; hands, feet, and converting the music score to the right keys to touch."

"I listen to music, but it only helps a little."

"Maybe you could try the piano?"

"How old was Edward?" He looks at me in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable.

"He was seventeen when he was changed. But he was born in 1901."

"He was a year older than I am." I don't have to read his mind to know where his train of thought is going.

"Armando, I'm going to stop you right there. I 'm really not interested in dating you."

He looks shocked at the suggestion. "Oh god! I wasn't even thinking about that. You're like thirty, and you've had a baby! You're hot and all, but that's just gross!" He backs away from me, looking truly disgusted.

It's the first time I've ever been lumped in with my own age group, and it catches me off guard. At first I feel embarrassed that I've misread his cues, and then I feel a little self conscious that he doesn't see me as desirable. Finally I just have to laugh at the ridiculous.

"I'm sorry... I just thought you were comparing yourself to Edward because you were interested in me. I'm told I'm a mind reader's dream."

"No. I was just wondering if there was still time to learn those control techniques."

"I could help you, if you like?" I offer. He looks at me warily and I laugh softly. "I promise I'm not interested in you romantically. You're cute, in a scruffy sort of way, but I'm interested in someone else." I can see his relief.

"I think I'd like that." He smiles shyly.

"Do you want to start tomorrow? I'm pretty sure we'll have a council meeting, but I should be free after that. Do me a favor, and stay sober. It'll make it easier to learn." He groans at this, but then nods.

I go to check on Arianna, thinking that as soon as Aro comes back I'll be able to leave. She's reading a book, and you'd never know from looking at her, that she's in the middle of one of the biggest drama's of the city.

As I turn to leave, Aro arrives with his firstborn daughter. He makes the introductions, and I'm surprised that she's so different from his other children. Her ash blond hair must have come from her mother, and her gray eyes meet mine directly. At first she behaves much older than seventeen, and she seems so serious. Her brows draw together and she looks at Aro like she wants to ask him a question. Then her eyes snap back to mine.

"I can't read your mind – and you can't hear my thoughts either! That's so odd. I can usually pick up at least fragments of surface thoughts even when I first meet someone." She stares into my eyes for several breathless seconds, then she smiles. "You really can't hear me either, even if I'm shouting. Amazing."

She looks at Aro for an intense second, and he laughs with delight. "Bella, she wants to know if we can 'keep' you." He puts his arm around her and hugs her to his side. "She's been able to capture so many of my thoughts about how Volterra used to be. She just doesn't have a way to read the age of the memory." He kisses her cheek and explains to her. "I'm sorry, but we no longer keep the most talented vampires with us, my dear."

I think it's pretty telling that she's picked his love of "collecting" talented immortals right from his head, even though the war's been over for two years. But what's bothering me, is the way he treats her, as opposed to the way I've seen him behave toward his other children. No matter what Alice says, Aurora is clearly his favorite. If I can see it in minutes, it saddens me to think about what his other children must feel being faced with it daily.

"Aro, how long have you had your children with you? I mean I know some of the hybrids were sent off to the school for training, but was that true for yours as well?"

"My children were sent to school. But I was able to visit them each day. Aurora's ability made her such a fast learner, she was able to come home much sooner than most. I was fortunate that Aurora and Armando were so talented. They were excluded from the general army training."

"Do you know what was expected of Arianna? Do you know what they thought made her useful?"

"Yes!" He snarls, looking angry.  
>"Please... don't make him think about that. I can see it …. through him. It's so painful... she's my sister, and they were my friends and classmates too." Aurora has her hand on my arm, and tears in her eyes. On a whim, I wrap my shield around her, and she gasps. Her startled eyes fly from me to Aro and back again. "You're doing this...Papa, she can block me!"<p>

"Does it bother you? I can stop, but you just looked so upset." I don't know how to interpret her shocked look.

"No... it's _wonderful_." She closes her eyes and leans into me. "It's like being alone in my own head for the first time ever. Oh I hope you fall in love with Papa." With her eyes closed in bliss, she doesn't see his look of embarrassed surprise, and I'm sure she can't hear his thoughts that she shouldn't mention what she must have read from his mind.

Her eyes startle open when he speaks. "Aurora, Bella wanted to go back to her own room." He sounds like he's explaining to a child. The innocent look she turns on him explains perfectly why he thinks of her that way. She really is only nine years old, and he's been her parent and her only teacher for many of those years. I imagine for her to be so well-adjusted when Armando and Arianna are not, she must have been sheltered from much of what happened in Joham's Volterra.

"Don't go... please, will you stay with me?" Her wide gray eyes meet mine with a pleading I'm not used to seeing. "It's so quiet and restful inside your shield. Maybe I could really sleep like this..."

"Bella..." Aro explains. "Aurora hears our thoughts almost all the time.. She's been with us for so long, her mind has become attuned to us, and she hears almost everything we think. And we hear her as well. For my children, trying to sleep is like walking in someone else's dreams and nightmares. When they sleep, I listen to restful music through my headphones, and meditate, since Armando and Aurora can't shut me out. But Aurora projects as well, so her worries and nightmares can disturb them while they're sleeping." I can't imagine how it must feel to have your very thoughts broadcast to others.

"I think I can stay... at least for a little while." I remember how Renee used to sleep in my room when I had nightmares. She would help me fall asleep, staying by my side to reassure me. The least I could do for her was let her fall asleep without someone else's dreams in her head. One night wouldn't kill me.

She still has to eat dinner and prepare for bed. I slip out and go to my room to shower and change. I'm looking for something to read when there's a tap on my door. I find Alice staring up at the peep hole.

In my room she wanders around, touching things and looking like she's trying to avoid saying what she obviously came to say.

"Carlisle left." I gasp at her words, and sit on the bed in shock. "They left two hours ago... they're heading back to Canada."

"They? Did he take Jasper with him?" I can only hope he took him home to keep him safe.

She sits on the bed and takes my hand in hers. "No... Jasper's still missing. He took Colette." The world tilts at a crazy angle. It's the exact same feeling I had when I was human, and I'd take a hard fall. It's the feeling of being upside down and off balance, while everything around me moves in a slow motion conspiracy to hurt me.

"Colette?" I squeak.

"Listen Bella, it's probably not what you think. He said he couldn't tell me what was going on, but he'd call as soon as he could."

"He wanted to talk to me... and I..." I remember the hurt on his face as I turned to leave him standing in the hall. "He took Colette."

"Bella, please don't jump to conclusions." She holds my hand tight so I don't escape her. She looks me in the eyes. "You really do have feelings for him, don't you?" I search her face for the hostility she showed me that morning. It's gone; replaced by the kind of concern I remember of my friend.

"Yes." I can barely speak around the hard lump in my throat.

"Is it serious, then?" She's still open and concerned.

"I think I love him. I mean... I am in love with him. But he doesn't know. All I've done is hurt him, and disappoint him. And now he's gone, and he took Colette and left me behind."

"Shh." She wraps me in her arms and tries to comfort me. But all I can think about is the way Colette told me in no uncertain terms that she was better for Carlisle than I was. Maybe she's right. Maybe he agrees. A tiny part of me whispers that maybe he's taken her back home so they can start their own family. Within months, he could have all of his crazy adopted adult "children" replaced with an equal number of their own biological babies.

"Can you see the future? Alice, is he... going to be hers?"

"I... Bella you know it's not clear..."

"Tell me! I want to know everything you see."

"They're together a lot. I see them working on patients together. They won't be back for at least a couple weeks – maybe more. I see them both happy and celebrating before... before Carlisle comes back to finish up his duties on the council. But Bella, I don't even see them kiss. And you know my visions are about intention. Carlisle is not going to marry that girl, you know he wouldn't..."

"Marry her! You saw a wedding, Alice?" She doesn't answer, but her look tells the truth. "I need... I need to go back. He needs to know how I feel. I can't go through one more loss!" I try to stand, and she pulls me back down.

"You can't go now, Bella." She looks at me with an intensity in her eyes that chills me. "If you leave now, Jasper dies." I can't believe what she's saying. "I hope my vision is wrong, but I saw it as clear as I'm looking at you now. If you leave now, you and Carlisle will marry, the week before I lose Jasper forever. It's Aro..." She can't even finish the sentence. It reminds me of the deal he tried to make with me.

"Alice... I know you've seen visions of you and Aro being mates. Do you ever see me with him?"

"Sometimes." She laughs bitterly. "I've seen you mated to Aro, and I've seen you married to Carlisle, and I've seen you alone as well. Your future is still fluid... as is mine. But if you leave here now, Aro will kill Jasper – so he can have me."

"I'm supposed to distract Aro from pursuing you and Jasper, is that right?" I feel cold dread at the thought that she could have seen his plan so clearly.

"I don't know what he wants with you, Bella. I just know what happens if you go. Please don't go! I can't lose Jasper... I love him more than my own life. You have a positive influence on Aro, and Jasper is safe with you in Volterra – that's all I know. Please... if I have to beg, I'll grovel on the floor right now... don't leave, Bella!"

"Okay." She wraps me in her arms so tight I can't even move.

"Thank you! I'll help you any way I can with Carlisle. I owe you a big one." I can see her shaking, and I realize how afraid she was that I would abandon her.

"Are you going someplace?" She notices that I've showered and changed. I feel unreasonably guilty as I admit I was going to Aro's apartment to sit with his children.

"Do you want me to come with you?" I can tell she's only offering because I agreed to stay.

"No. If Aro touches you he'll learn of our plans. His children can read you as well, so it's better if you stay clear." She kisses my cheek.

"Thank you so much. I don't know how, but I will make this up to you. I promise." She leaves me to get ready to spend the night in the lion's den. I tiptoe across and down the hallway, and he opens the door before I even knock.

"How is Alice?" His question catches me off guard. "Don't look so surprised. I may not be able to read you, but I can smell her on your clothes."

"She's fine. Just to keep things honest between us, she hopes that I'll be able to distract you from pursuing her husband – the man she loves."

His eyes narrow angrily, but then he laughs. "So it's honesty you want? Then perhaps you should come in and begin distracting me. I do believe I could find her immortal beloved, should I put my mind to it." He steps aside and ushers me into the apartment. Armando comes to the doorway of his room and scowls at his father. "Come along, Armando."

**A/N: Ah, Aro is so deliciously wicked! This story is still pulling me along, and I'm three chapters ahead - a record for me. Please know I appreciate those of you who are reading and reviewing. **

**I wanted to let any budding writers know, that next month (November as I write this) is National Novel Writer's Month - NaNoWriMo. This is a contest against yourself, where you try to write a 50,000 word novel in one month. The NaNoWriMo (dot) org. site lets you connect with others on your journey, and offers you encouragement as you go. This is a great chance for you to write that novel you've been thinking about. No one will criticize you, and it doesn't matter how bad or good it is, just that you get to 50,000 words by the end of the month. Winners get to display the banner, and tell everyone they've written a novel. **


	20. Chapter 20 Distractions

**Chapter 19 reminder:**

"I'm supposed to distract Aro from pursuing you and Jasper, is that right?" I feel cold dread at the thought that she could have seen his plan so clearly.

"I don't know what he wants with you, Bella. I just know what happens if you go. Please don't go! I can't lose Jasper... I love him more than my own life. You have a positive influence on Aro, and Jasper is safe with you in Volterra – that's all I know. Please... if I have to beg, I'll grovel on the floor right now... don't leave, Bella!"

"Okay." She wraps me in her arms so tight I can't even move.

"Thank you! I'll help you any way I can with Carlisle. I owe you a big one." I can feel her shaking, and I realize how afraid she is that I would abandon her.

"Are you going someplace?" She notices that I've showered and changed. I feel unreasonably guilty as I admit I was going to Aro's apartment to sit with his children.

"Do you want me to come with you?" I can tell she's only offering because I agreed to stay.

"No. If Aro touches you he'll learn of our plans. His children can read you as well, so it's better if you stay clear." She kisses my cheek.

"Thank you so much. I don't know how, but I will make this up to you. I promise." She leaves me to get ready to spend the night in the lion's den. I tiptoe across and down the hallway, and he opens the door before I even knock.

"How is Alice?" His question catches me off guard. "Don't look so surprised. I may not be able to read you, but I can smell her on your clothes."

"She's fine. Just to keep things honest between us, she hopes that I'll be able to distract you from pursuing her husband – the man she loves."

His eyes narrow angrily, but then he laughs. "So it's honesty you want? Then perhaps you should come in and begin distracting me. I do believe I could find her immortal beloved, should I put my mind to it." He steps aside and ushers me into the apartment. Armando comes to the doorway of his room and scowls at his father. "Come along, Armando..."

**Chapter 20**

**Distractions**

He leads me to the large living room, and I have to wonder what's up The floor is cleared, but for a collection of cushions, sleeping bags, pillows, and air mattresses. I stare, as Arianna and Aurora come out in their pajama's. Armando wears sweats and a T-shirt.

"My children have never had what you call a sleepover, for obvious reasons. It's short notice, but they've each invited a friend for the night. If you're willing to shield them, this could be their chance to enjoy a gathering such as this." Even as I think it over, there's a knock on the door. Each of them has invited a friend, and in minutes there's a party atmosphere in the apartment, with six hybrids and two vampire chaperones.

I'm introduced simply as Bella, and I don't think the visitors guess my minor, undeserved celebrity status. Armando's friend stares a bit too long, then Armando slugs his arm and informs him that I'm old, and a mother. Before things get too crazy, Aro makes use of the big flat screen in the apartment, and I have to laugh at the video's he's chosen: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season One. They break out the snacks and Aurora makes me feel nostalgic when she pops popcorn.

I find a seat on the couch and wrap my shield around Aro's young mind-readers. The show is both dark and teen oriented, and the kids seem to get a thrill watching nasty vampires turn to dust on the end of stakes. Armando's friend has a comment for everything, including how hot Buffy is, and how real vampires would eat her for breakfast.

They're barely through the first few shows, when it gets quiet. Arianna and her friend are the last to drop off to sleep, and I can't help but wonder if it's because my shield has given the older two a much needed respite. I've just settled in with a book, when Aro takes my hand to lead me away from the sleeping teens.

Across the room from them, I take a seat on the small couch, and he sits next to me. "Thank you." His whispered words keep me from moving away from him. "I never had a chance to spend time with them like this. We were never expected to bond with them. They barely had a chance to be children, before they were expected to be adults, and soldiers."

We speak softly, as only our kind can. "Ness also grew up too fast. In a way it was a good thing... I had no idea what it would be like to be a teenage mother. Edward was a good father to her..." I hate to even bring up his name with Aro.

"I know." He smiles. "I have a whole index of his memories to draw upon with my own children. When Aurora became interested in boys, I borrowed his speech about the proper behavior of young ladies and their suitors. Of course your Renesmee was already fixated on one boy. I especially loved the part when he said they had forever, and there was no need to rush into anything."

I remember that talk he'd had with her. I'm not sure how I feel that Aro has that moment forever in his mind. "Of course I would have used it on Arianna as well, but sadly, it was too late." He looks incredibly sad for a moment.

"Do you know she has been on birth control since she entered puberty? I hoped to take her off of it, but I haven't been able to trust her, or the boys she wants to be with.." He looks at me meaningfully. "Maybe you think I'm overreacting; wanting to avenge the honor of a daughter who's had more sex partners than she can remember. But it's not about her lost virtue..." His intense eyes meet mine. "He came into my home, where she was supposed to be safe. He manipulated her mind, and he took what he wanted from her, with no regard for her life or her dignity. For that I want him dead!" When he puts it this way, I can see where he's coming from.

I turn his way. "That reaction right there tells me you really _are_ a father. There may be hope for you yet." I sigh, knowing the man he wants to see dead is Jasper. "My own dad probably would have reacted the same way if he knew Edward was sneaking into my room every night."

"But he wasn't there to ravish you." I find it so hard to deal with him having memories I didn't share with him.

"My father was the Police Chief. It wouldn't have mattered to him if Edward was there to steal me away, or tuck me in and read me bedtime stories. It was only Edward's supernatural abilities that allowed him to get away with those visits."

"He dishonored your father."

"He loved me, and I loved him. Those times we could be alone together were precious."

"You tried to seduce him... he didn't allow you."

I stand and pace away from him. "I can't deal with you knowing these things." I try to keep my voice down. "It's private, don't you see?" I look at him where he sits.

"There is nothing private in my mind. I've seen it all, times a thousand." He stands and comes closer. "His memories are actually quite nice. They're very innocent and noble. He was so intent on protecting you, he barely realized what you were offering him." He steps close. "He had such strong-willed control. I know I could never measure up. I would have taken what you offered – greedily."

"That doesn't make me feel any better. It certainly doesn't make me like you any better."

He slides his arm around my waist, and pulls me to him. "I'm not trying to make you feel better, or like me. Your husband told you he was a soulless monster, but I'm not. I'm a _vampire. _ I've been drinking human blood to stay alive for hundreds of years. I don't intend to change, and chase fluffy bunnies around the woods. If I want something, I take it." His arm tightens around me. "I want you."

I struggle, trying to get free. "Alright, I can already see this was a mistake. Let go of me, Aro, before I scream and wake up all the kids."

He loosens his hold, but doesn't let me go entirely. His deep burgundy eyes meet mine. "Speaking of fluffy bunnies, where's Carlisle, Bella?" He lets me go suddenly, and I stumble with the impact of his words. He obviously knows he's gone. "Would you like to know what I gleaned from his mind? Would you like to know how he feels about Colette?"

"No." I back away from his taunts. "I don't want to know." I head into the hallway, trying to distance myself from his words, but he follows me.

"I could tell you... for the sake of _honesty._" He mocks the word. "Tell me, what does the doctor have that I do not?" I stop my retreat and turn to face him boldly.

"He has me."

"Does he now? Or does he have a lovely young hybrid with the ability to heal – the ability to heal_ and_ have babies. I could tell you all about her dreams of him."

"No." I advance a step. "Maybe I should tell you about _my _dreams of him? Maybe I should tell you about how I want to make love with him and share his life with him. With Carlisle I'm enough. I don't have to be his quiet respite or his second choice and consolation prize."

"What about Colette?"

"What about her? She's barely older than your own daughters. If he wanted her, she's been around for two years while I was not. If she couldn't interest him in two years... maybe he just doesn't want her." They were tough words I didn't quite feel. But I wouldn't let him know that.

He laughs softly. "I don't know who you're trying to delude, yourself or me. Even if I can't read your mind, you can't lie to me." He steps away from me. "So, you're in love with Carlisle, now? It must be hard to know he left here without so much as a word to you."

"I'm sure there's an explanation..."

"Oh, I'm sure there is too." His quiet sarcasm cuts me. "I didn't know you were so into denial. But I guess any human who falls in love with a vampire, thinking he would never hurt her has to have a little Cleopatra in her."

"Edward never hurt me..."

"Lying isn't attractive, and neither is revisionist history. The list of your 'hurt' is quite extensive, the only thing you might quibble over is his intention."

"That's all that really mattered to me. He never intended to hurt me, unlike _you."_

"What about the woods, Bella?" I already know he's seen the memory. I turn away so he can't read my face. "He didn't just leave you to protect you, did he? You never would have let him walk away. He had to break you so you wouldn't hold out hope. He had to tear away everything and everyone who connected you to him. And he had to let you believe you weren't good enough. As sure as any killer, he reached into your chest and ripped out your heart."

"Stop." I whisper, when I really want to scream.

"His abandonment lead you right to my doorstep." I'm startled when I feel his hands on my shoulders. "Bella, you deserve to be wanted by someone who would never let you go. Edward left you, so it should come as no surprise that his sire has left you as well. Think on this my dear; Jasper is in hiding, and Alice is alone. I could pursue her – maybe win her in his absence – but I'm here with you." His hands move over my shoulders and arms in a soft caress. "You're not the consolation, you're my choice."

I turn at that. "Why?" He's too close, and too intent on me. "There are hundreds of women you could choose. Why me?" He again caresses my arms, letting his hands slide down to grasp mine. He laces our fingers together.

"You're very beautiful, but that's not why I want you. You have a powerful ability, but that's not why I want you. Carlisle wants you..." He laughs softly. "...yes, he really does, in spite of Colette's feelings. But that's not really why I want you – just a bonus perhaps." He shrugs at that.

He steps forward, and I back up until I feel the wall behind me. He's uncomfortably close. "I want you..." He's almost nose to nose with me, and his eyes hold mine. "...because you are a good woman. I'm a very good vampire, but I'm not a good man. You're still so close to human, there's a warmth and a softness in you I lack. I see it in the way you defend your family. I see it when you're with my children. I see it in the way your memories still cause you pain. You're good, strong, loyal, and devoted. Love still means something to you. I want that, and I want _you_."

He lets go of my hands, and his fingers furrow through my hair. He holds me still as he moves in to kiss me. I could resist him but it would mean a real struggle. Instead I resolve to remain still and impassive. His lips brush mine, feather soft. He touches me with the lightest of kisses along my lips, and I refuse to respond. His hands leave my hair and move around me. His ghostlike kisses touch my cheek, and then my ear.

"Please don't resist me, Bella." He moves back to my mouth, trying to get me to respond. I feel the tip of his tongue tease against my lip. I'm impassive, not even breathing. He stops and stares into my open eyes. "Stubborn and loyal as always." He caresses my cheek and holds my face cupped in his hand. "I want you... I'm so jealous of Carlisle right now... Bella _please._" His words are soft and impassioned. He rests his forehead against mine.

"I've seen us together in her mind. Just once, and so fleeting a thought before she hid it away. But I know I was happy in that tiny sliver of possibility. I'll be good to you, Bella. I'll cherish you, and adore you. I'll never leave, if you just choose _me – _want _me... _love _me_."

He pulls me tight against him, and presses his cheek to mine. "No one has truly loved me for as long as history has been written. Please... try to love me, Bella. Be mine and I will give you the world. Love me and I will give you all that I am." He moves to lock his eyes onto mine. "I'm telling you the truth... please don't reject me. Please... can you just try to love me?"

I can see the naked longing in his eyes. I can feel the openness in his stare, and see his soul laid bare. I know his words come from the heartbreak of his loveless centuries. I feel genuine empathy for him. He moves in to kiss me, and I just don't know how to react.

For Alice and Jasper I try. I close my eyes. The soft brush, the timid, teasing tongue... I breathe and his scent washes through me. It's an old scent, concentrated and sweetened with time. His hand caresses my cheek before his fingers slide into my hair.

It's not his kiss that makes me respond; it's his vulnerability. I recognize his need to be loved, and I yield to him. I relax into his arms, and feel his body against mine. I touch him, placing my hands against his chest, where I feel a hum from deep inside him. His tongue teases along my lips, and they part.

It's fire that takes me, as his mouth drinks me in and his tongue seeks a response from me. It's pent up desire and longing and just so much raw need I feel from him, and my hands slide around him and hold him. I tear my mouth from his,gasping, and press my cheek against his.

I feel his hands, gliding through my hair, caressing my back, pulling me against him. I feel like I would fall down if he wasn't holding me up. He is passion.

"Bella... my sweet, sweet, Bella... love me... please." He takes hold of my face and his kiss steals all reason. Our tongues tease and chase and slide together in a dance with no leads.

Her screams slice us apart. We rush into the room to find Arianna thrashing on the cushions, and another scream tears the air. My shield hasn't slipped, which is a wonder. He rushes to her and shakes her gently awake, before pulling her into his arms. The mind readers sleep right through the disturbance, but their guests are all awake.

"It's okay now. Just go back to sleep, she just had a bad dream." I do my best to calm and reassure them. Armando's friend punches his pillow and drops back down. Aurora's friend gets up for a glass of water before she gets comfortable again. Arianna's friend seems concerned, but her tiredness claims her and she rolls away to sleep apart from her.

I hear him, softly whispering to her: "He can't hurt you anymore. You're safe now. I won't let anything hurt you..." I know all Jasper did was drink from her, and that she was willing. But I worry that he's stirred up memories that are preying on her mind.

I kneel beside her and rub her back. I'm surprised when she turns to me and hugs me tight. "Stay with me tonight, please. Hold me so I can fall asleep... like my mother would." I meet his eyes over her shoulder, and she turns to include him. "Will you both hold me?" As if her big brown eyes aren't enough, I hear the tremor in her voice, and it melts me. She's not a young woman, and she's not even a teenager. In this moment, she's only seven, and she misses the mommy she never knew.

I lie down with her facing me, and she clings to me like she was my own child. Aro sandwiches against her from behind, and rubs her back soothingly, while she rubs my back in the same way. She stares at my face, with her head pillowed on my arm.

"Go to sleep, Sweetheart." I kiss her cheek, and she smiles before closing her eyes. I watch as he hypnotically runs his fingers through her curls. I can hear when she falls asleep, in the different way she breathes, and the soft rhythm of her heart.

He props his head on his hand and looks at me. 'Thank you,' he mouths. He reaches out and takes my hand where it rests on my hip. He pulls it to him and kisses my fingers. He then places it on her waist and covers it with his own. It feels like he's sharing his daughter with me. I don't need to read his mind to know he wants me to choose him and be her mother. I close my eyes against the intensity of his gaze.

There's really no reason to move, even though I don't sleep. I don't feel the restlessness I'd feel if I were human and had to spend the night awake and still. For hours we lie with her, only moving when she turns or adjusts her position. Each time I open my eyes, he's watching me. It reminds me uncomfortably of Edward.

With my eyes closed, I'm free to think. It bothers me that I haven't left behind my baser human nature. It's taunting me again, just like when Jacob and Edward competed for me, and I kissed Jacob. This time I kissed Aro. I don't love him – not even a little. But there is a passion and fire between us that took me by surprise. If I chose to be with him, it definitely wouldn't be boring. I can imagine being intimate with him, and that shocks and frightens me. I remember how Alice described their union, and it should disgust me. In fact it does on so many levels. But there's a fascination there as well.

Just like her description of her times with Jasper, Edward and I always made love. We'd had time to experience each other in many different ways, but we were always lovers first. Aro wouldn't make love to me; at least not at first. He would conquer and master me. I've had a taste of his passion, and a part of me longs to feel it again. Maybe it's the vampire within me responding to him. As much as I hate to admit it, I know it would be good between us. Carlisle told me it's always good between our kind, and I'm starting to believe him.

I love Carlisle, but it still feels so new and fragile. I rest next to Arianna, remembering how he'd held me and nursed me back to life. I remember his soft, sweet kisses that promised so much more. I think about what our life looks like if we're together. I want Carlisle. I love Carlisle. I just don't know why he left. How would he feel if he knew I kissed Aro? I don't imagine him as the jealous type, but would he see it as indecision or betrayal?

She shifts again, and snuggles into my arms as if we're lovers. I'm surprised my temperature doesn't bother her. As a result, he moves closer too, reaching around her shoulders to touch me. He strokes my arm, and occasionally touches my face.

In the morning, I slip away from them, and head for the kitchen to make breakfast. Their guests are awake first, and they seem surprised to see a vampire who can cook. I make stuffed french toast with thick slices of Italian bread, and then make my own fruit topping. I envy them that they can eat real food. I think it's a compliment when they say it's almost as good as fresh blood. It reminds me I'll need to hunt in a day or two.

Aurora and Armando are both in good spirits, and I actually see Armando smile for the first time. He looks like Aro when he smiles. All three of his kids thank me for helping them through the night, and I'm invited to come back any time I want.

"We've got a meeting at noon." Aro's words in my ear startle me, as he comes up behind me and drapes his arm over my shoulders. I watch Armando's smile disappear at his familiarity.

"Good. I'd like to dash over to my room and change, and then maybe you'll allow me to borrow your children for a couple hours." I duck from under his arm and set about quickly cleaning up the kitchen.

"May I come with you?" He looks at me expectantly.

"With the kids, or...?"

"Across the hall – I want to talk to you."

"Not a good idea." I rush around, replacing plates and wiping counters.

"Then when?" He catches me around the waist as I hurry by, and holds me close. "Where?"

He makes me nervous being so close. "Okay, fine. But not until the sleepover's finished and the kids are gone. You can't just leave a mixed group of teenagers alone."

One by one the guests leave, and Aro tells his three where he'll be. We walk to my borrowed apartment, and I feel almost trapped as he closes the door.

He walks toward me in slow measured steps, while I back away. I try to stammer out a refusal that won't hurt his feelings. "Aro, I don't think this is going to work between us. I'm just not..."

And then I'm crushed in his arms, and he's kissing me with the passion of his fabled Italian reputation. A low growl escapes his throat as he presses me against the wall and plunders my mouth with his own. I feel washed away in the roaring tide of his lust and need, and I imagine there will be an impression of my body in the wall when I move away.

His kisses are ravenous, possessive, and fierce, and for long moments I can't speak, let alone turn away. His hands tear through my hair, tangling in the mass and using it to hold me still for his feast. I fight for control as I feel my will slipping away. I tear away from his mouth and turn my head, but he merely continues his assault along my cheek to my ear. He sucks the lobe of my ear, before he continues kissing down my neck.

Right at my jugular, he bites me. Not hard enough to break the skin, but a sharp nip that makes me cry out. He continues to kiss, and suck, and lick my neck, moving steadily down. He stretches the collar of my knit shirt, and I feel his mouth skate across the top of my chest.

"No... please stop... " I can't seem to gather the strength to fight, and part of me wants to let him keep going. Clearly this isn't Carlisle who would stop and ask permission. I feel as if he's about to shred my top to open me up to his oral exploration.

"No! Aro Stop!" He raises his head and stares at me. His lips are kissed red and he looks like he's starving and I'm his next meal. "I can't do this!"

"Bella, please..." He tries to kiss me again, and I duck away from him.

"No. Aro I can't do this... I don't love you."

"So what does love have to do with passion? What does love care about how good we could be together? I want you! You inflame me... I will make you scream with pleasure." It scares me, because I have no doubt he would.

"I love him." My voice is barely a whisper. "I can't be with you if I love someone else." His face is a kaleidoscope of emotions, and I wait to see which one will win out. Finally he smiles warmly. He carefully steps toward me. He takes my hands in his, and kisses both of them.

"I can wait. Love is fickle, and it's easily trampled, and it withers and dies in the shadows of disappointment. I will stop pursuing you when you exchange vows. Until then, I'm going to make your choice very difficult." He holds my hands and leans in close to my ear to whisper in a low gravely voice. "I know you want me, Bella... I can smell your arousal." With a teasing smile he lets me go, and moves to the door. I'm glad he can't read my mind, and I'm grateful I can't blush.

"You can come for the children anytime. I won't interfere." He bows to me in a very courtly manner, then he disappears.

I collapse into a chair. The man sure knows his way around a kiss. Carlisle where are you when I need you?

I duck into a quick shower without wetting my hair. I'm wrapped in a towel when Alice knocks on the door.

She rushes into the room almost in a panic. "Tell me you didn't sleep with him!"

"What?"

"I've been seeing visions of you all night, doing... god Bella, just tell me you didn't!"

"But I did sleep with him." I'm joking, but she whimpers and collapses into a chair, holding her face in her hands. "Alice, it's not what you think. It was a sleepover with his kids. I didn't have sex with him, if that's what you're asking."

She jumps up in agitation. "My god, all night I was worried sick that I'd sent you to him as some kind of sacrificial lamb. I thought you just kept him calm, I didn't realize he would move to make you his lover and mate!" She hugs me tight. "I'm so sorry I've made such a mess of things." She pulls away and looks closely at me. "Did he try anything? I swear if he did anything inappropriate with you, I'll..."

"He kissed me." We stare at each other, and I'm painfully aware that it was only days ago that she was having sex with him. She falls back into the chair, still staring at me.

"I didn't invite it, but he's very... overwhelming."

"I know." Her whispered words make me feel dirty that we both have the same knowledge of him. "Do you want him?"

"I'm in love with Carlisle. But Aro is just so... passionate and magnetic. Part of me really did want him, at least physically. But no, I don't want him, at least as long as there's a chance for Carlisle and me."

"Be careful, Bella. Aro will use that little sliver of an opening to pull you in. He knows how to get what he wants, and if he wants you, there's not a wall high enough that he won't climb it." I feel uncomfortable talking about Aro with Alice. I duck into the bathroom to change into the council colors.

When I come out to brush my hair, I ask her, "Have you heard from Carlisle?"

"No. But I did hear from Rosalie. She's the one who called him home. She and Garrett went back to Denali, and found the whole complex was destroyed. It was some kind of explosion, and Eleazar was badly injured." I drop the brush and she takes my hand. "Bella, she thinks it was a suicide attempt. They found him chained in the ruins, and they didn't think he was even still alive."

"Oh no... that poor, sweet man." I sink down on the bed near her, and just feel like weeping and screaming until all the pain is out of my system. But that would take years. "Alice, is this war ever going to be over? It's no wonder vampire wars go so fast, it takes the rest of the time to clean up all the damages." She moves to the bed beside me and we just hold each other

I pull away and look at her as I begin to understand. "Alice... if he went to take care of Eleazar, then he didn't leave because of me. It also means he didn't take Colette because he wants to be with her. She's the only one who can heal him!" Even knowing what Eleazar might be going through isn't enough to dim my hope.

"You really love him?" She looks at me with skepticism. "I mean, doesn't it make you feel weird? I've always thought of him as a father figure, and then there's Esme..."

"I know." I nod at her concern. "I know it's a little weird, since I loved Esme too. I don't want to take her place, and I'm not trying to replace Edward..." It's really hard to explain to her how significantly things have changed between us. "When we were on the island, things changed. I saw him less as our patriarch, and more as... a man."

I smile sadly and take her hand. "We've all lost so much in the war. It seems like a miracle that we can piece together something good out of the ashes. I think the hardest part for me has been accepting that Edward's never coming back."

She squeezes my hand. "I'll try to be supportive. At first, it really bugged me when I saw a vision of you two together on the island. It made me even more angry at you." She sighs long and deep. "Everything really has changed."

"Thank you for sending him to me. He saved my life – you both did." I smile. "It seems he's been putting me back together in some way ever since I met him. I had no idea it would take the world's best doctor to fix my broken heart. I really do love him, Alice." She puts her arms around me, and I remember how much I've missed my friend.

"We need to get you a phone, so you can keep in touch with him." I remember I'd left mine in Denali, and it was probably a melted blob of plastic now. "I think they're going to be gone at least a couple weeks. So you'll need to be able to call him. And you need to make sure Aro knows he's wasting his time with you."

"But if he gives up on me, he'll go after you and Jasper."

"I know where Jasper is, and he's safe for now. Don't worry about me, Bella. Aro's a smart man, and you should never underestimate him."

"I know he's smart. He knows what we did. He made sure I knew he's figured out our parts in the cover-up too. He's really mad at Carlisle for lying to him. Jasper somehow convinced Arianna that he was Vito, the boy she has a crush on. She doesn't remember Jasper at all."

She gasps. "Oh my god! He's been working on doing new things with his ability. He saw how you and Nessie were able to practice and make your talent better. He was working on ways to help the hybrids with their horrible memories, and he'd discovered he could overlay a new image through hypnotic suggestion and his ability." She stares at me, understanding suddenly dawning.

"Bella, he really didn't seduce her!"

"He did drink her blood, though." I feel like I need to be fair to Arianna. "I also think she's having nightmares about it. I'm not saying he did anything worthy of nightmares, but maybe he triggered a bad memory."

"I know what he did was wrong. But he really could have killed her. I mean it would have been easier for him to kill her, and it would have punished Aro even more. And it would have been simple to make it look like he'd slept with her first. Actually, he wouldn't have even needed to fake it."

"Maybe that's what's keeping Aro from hunting him down – he knows it could have been worse. I'm just glad Jasper and Carlisle are both away from here. I'm pretty sure the reason he's interested in me is because it will hurt Carlisle."

"No... he's wanted you for a while now. We're kind of interchangeable in his reasoning. He wants me for my mind, and he wants you for the lack." She giggles. "Not that you don't have a mind, but he can't read you. If it weren't for Jasper, he would come after me, and there wouldn't be anything to stop him. But he knows how I feel about my husband, and even a physical relationship with him couldn't change that."

"But if he attacks Jasper..." I can't help but remember how easy it would be for him to remove that one barrier.

"If he attacks him, he knows he'll probably lose me forever. He's quite devious in going after you. If he wins, he steals you away from Carlisle, and he gets in a dig at me since we're friends. He also gets access to one of the most formidable powers among our kind. But all those benefits aside, he really does want you. You're single now, and he won't ever have to hear your thoughts about how much you loved Edward or Carlisle. It's hard for him to find someone with a mind he can tolerate."

She laughs. "You know it's funny, but your shield drove Edward crazy. He wanted so much to know what you were thinking all the time. But Aro is just the opposite. He doesn't want to know at all what's happening between your ears. He's from a time in history where women really were chattel. He's still not used to the idea that women are more than pretty playthings for men, or powers to be collected."

It's my turn to laugh. "I think his children are challenging his beliefs – especially his daughters. Arianna's been used in just that way, and Aurora is so bright it's frightening."

"You're right about that. I actually feel more sympathy for Armando. He's got Edward's ability, but he doesn't have Carlisle's guidance. Aro really should be doing more to help him learn to control his power, but he's too busy judging him."

"Oh, that reminds me, I'm going to help them practice with their powers today. I want to get them out of that apartment for a while. Is there a music room here? I want to see if I can give Armando something to occupy his mind, besides someone elses thoughts, drugs and alcohol."

She tells me where the music room is, and also says she'll try to push the meeting back a bit so we'll have more time. We leave the room, and she heads back to her apartment, and I head to Aro's door.

He opens the door to me, and I feel uncomfortable just looking at him He isn't beautiful like Edward, Jasper, and Carlisle, but he is strikingly handsome. He carries himself with an air of authority that just demands attention. He's dressed all in black, but for a blood red tie. He barely steps aside for me to come in, forcing me in close proximity as I pass.

He leans in close and inhales. "Mmm, my two favorite scents, Bella and Alice." He puts his arm up, blocking me in the narrow hallway. "Actually, I think I prefer the aroma of Bella. Maybe it's because I have borrowed memories of how sweet you taste – I'm talking about your blood, of course." His little teasing grin makes me wonder what other memories he's prying into.

"Aro, I thought you said you wouldn't interfere. Is it still alright if I take them out for a bit?"

"It's still alright. I'm not interfering, I'm giving Arianna a little more time to get ready." I growl a warning as I pass him.

I hurry the slow teens along, and I feel like a mother duck as I lead them out of the apartment. They're shuffling, slouching, and sashaying behind me, in descending order according to their ages. The music room is empty, and I can only assume that musicians are more likely to be busy at night, and sleep during the morning hours.

I know the hybrids are good at memorizing, though they're not as good as vampires. I help Armando with the piano, since I know the beginning lessons. While I'm at it, Aurora has discovered a sax someone has left behind. As Armando bangs on the keys, she squawks on the horn, and Arianna adds to the noise chorus by banging on a drum set.

Just as I'm about to shout for them to stop, Armando grins at me. "You're right, I can't hear anyone's thoughts!" I get the girls to leave the instruments alone for a bit, while he learns his first scale. After watching him miss several notes, Aurora sits down and plays the most overplayed song ever: Heart and Soul.

Armando leaves the piano in frustration. "It's bad enough she's better than me, but I can hear her bragging in my head!" Arianna doesn't help as she taps out the beat on the drum set.

"Why not try the sax?" I don't want to see him give up so easily. "You might stink, but we already know she can't play it." To help them out, I shield their minds, and he tries the sax. He doesn't stink, he squawks at it, but he doesn't give up, and I locate a beginners book. It takes two hours, but I manage to get them both to play a basic scale. When I let down the shield they mess up, but then they learn to concentrate on playing.

The first time they get it right, I hear someone clapping from the doorway. It's Aro. "That was impressive. But I thought you were going to work on controlling their powers."

"I am. They have to block out each other's thoughts if they want to play the right notes. They can't shut it off, but if they think about something that takes a lot of concentration, they can tune it out. Armando's doing really well since the sax is a hard instrument to master." I want to make sure to say good things about him, since I'm certain he doesn't hear very many positive comments. "Arianna's got a good sense of rhythm, and Aurora already knows a little piano."

"Will you be able to work with them? I mean if it helps them with their control." He seems so polite and agreeable when it comes to his kids.

"I can work with them a bit, but they really need someone who knows music."

"I'll look into it. I came to find you because the meeting starts in twenty minutes." He looks at his children and his smile is genuine. "I would be so proud to have them become talented musicians. Italians are known for music... among other things." He looks at me knowingly, and against my will, I remember his assertion that they're passionate lovers as well. I glare at his grin.

**A/N: This story is so much fun to write! Because I don't speak even a teeny bit of Italian, I decided to spare you my attempts at adding in words and phrases that would have to be looked up and defined anyway. Suffice it to say, many of the conversations happen in Italian. As I write some of Aro's words, I can't help but hear Bruno, from Dancing With the Stars in my head. **

**I'm really beginning to like Aro. He may be a devious killer, but he doesn't try to pretend he's something he's not. Bella could do worse.**

**As I post this, I'm working on chapter 23. I'm going to fight real hard to finish this in thirty chapters. I didn't answer the reviews last chapter; though I appreciated every one. I'm just trying to get this story written. **


	21. Chapter 21 Guilt and Blame

**Chapter 20 reminder:**

It takes two hours, but I manage to get them both to play a basic scale. When I let down the shield they mess up, but then they learn to concentrate on playing.

The first time they get it right, I hear someone clapping from the doorway. It's Aro. "That was impressive. But I thought you were going to work on controlling their powers."

"I am. They have to block out each other's thoughts if they want to play the right notes. They can't shut it off, but if they think about something that takes a lot of concentration, they can tune it out. Armando's doing really well since the sax is a hard instrument to master." I want to make sure to say good things about him, since I'm certain he doesn't hear very many positive comments. "Arianna's got a good sense of rhythm, and Aurora already knows a little piano."

"Will you be able to work with them? I mean if it helps them with their control." He seems so polite and agreeable when it comes to his kids.

"I can work with them a bit, but they really need someone who knows music."

"I'll look into it. I came to find you because the meeting starts in twenty minutes." He looks at his children and smiles. "I would be so proud to have them become talented musicians. Italians are known for music... among other things." He looks at me knowingly, and against my will, I remember his assertion that they're passionate lovers as well. I glare at his grin.

**Chapter 21**

**Guilt and Blame**

His children put away the music and the instruments. We all leave together, though the hybrids are planning on having lunch at the cafe. We pass through the main entryway on the way to the elevator. I smile when I see Anton Moretti chatting with the receptionist. He smiles and nods my way.

"Isabella Marie Swan Cullen!" I hear my name from across the wide open expanse. It's a female voice, but it's not my mother, who is the only person I know who would use my full name, and only if she was really irritated with me. I stop and turn toward the door. I can see a petite, blond hybrid. Even from across the room I can tell she's angry – furious even. She steps into the center of the room, and we're all watching her strange behavior.

"You killed my mother! Your son-in-law killed my father. Now I'm going to kill you!" She raises her hands at me, and I can tell she's trying to use a power against me. She reminds me of Jane when the Volturi came to Forks. Like Jane, her power is useless against me.

I hear Aro's derisive laughter behind me. "Dora, don't be an idiot! You know her full name, and yet you don't know you can't hurt her with your power?"

"You!" She turns her livid eyes on Aro. "You're a traitor! Maybe I can't hurt the murderer, but I can take care of you, and your spawn!" I watch in horror as Aro and Aurora attack each other, and Armando and Arianna fight the same way. It's as if they're puppets being controlled by invisible strings. Aro bites into Aurora's throat, while she sinks her thumbs into his eyes. Arianna screams as her brother rakes his clawed fingers down her face. In seconds Aro is winning his battle and even with his eyes gouged out, Aurora is fading.

"NO!" I shield them all, and instantly they stop their struggles. "Stop it! Are you crazy, they haven't done anything to you!" Even as she realizes she can't affect them anymore, I see Anton aim a gun from where he's just out of her line of sight.

"Don't shoot!" My warning makes her react, and she easily takes the gun from him. I shield him from her mental attack, but she's got the gun turned on him.

"Drop the shield, or he dies!" She could squeeze the trigger before I could reach her. "You're the one who needs to suffer!"

"I can't drop it – it's a part of me." I feel sick as I imagine what could happen.

I know it's Aurora in my head, but I hear her the way I heard Nessie. It must be how she's getting through the shield. (_She's going to shoot him. Do something._)

In my mind, I recall Edward's death. I see the look on his face as they tear him apart. I fight to get to him, and I'm too late. I'm. Too Late! Like it's right in front of me, I see the fire that burns my soul, and I feel the power of my grief focusing all that I am into one sharp burst. I aim it this time, right at the blond who would kill for no reason. I let it go, and barely see her knocked into the far wall, before I fall myself.

I awake to wailing and crying. I'm on the floor, and ridiculously my head is resting in Alice's lap. I don't have a clear view of what's going on around me, but I can feel the chaos.

"She's awake now!" They crowd in around me; Aro and his children. His eyes are red and swollen,, but he looks better than his children. Aurora's neck is bandaged, and Arianna's face is covered with two large gauze pads. Armando is holding an ice pack to his groin. Anton has a bandage on his upper arm, and a smile on his face.

"Are you alright?" Aro's voice is full of concern. "She could have killed us, if not for you. She only nicked Anton."

"Who is she? Why..." I want to know why someone with such a lethal power is trying to kill me. I struggle to sit up.

"She's Caius' daughter, Dora." He looks reluctant to continue, but slowly he tells the story. "She was born before Joham came to Volterra. Caius wanted to stop vampires from creating hybrids, but not until he had one of his own. He kidnapped a girl... a pretty young tourist from some university in Sweden. She was blond and blue-eyed, and he had relations with her. I could horrify you with questions about whether she was willing, controlled, or dazzled, but at least she didn't fight."

It must be obvious by my expression how I feel about how casually they used humans.

"Judge us if you will, but we're vampires. Before the war, it wasn't unusual for us to use our female victims for sex before feeding on them. I outgrew the practice hundreds of years ago, but Caius still did it enough he could maintain a certain amount of gentleness and control. The girl survived their intimacy, but she didn't become pregnant as easily as you did.

"After the first month of trying, his wife discovered that he was keeping her. She became upset, and he told her he was trying to make a baby – for her. Athenodora was a very... odd woman. She began spending time with his captive. She moved her from the cell she occupied to a nice room; one with a strong door. She furnished the room with all the comforts she could give a prisoner." He looks around to make sure no one else is listening.

"She stayed with them during their intimate moments. She said she wanted to be there when her baby was conceived. It took three months, which is really not that long, but by that time Athenodora had formed a strange bond with the captive. She cared for her while the child grew. She brought in heaters to keep her warm and she never left her side. Of course you know what the poor girl went through." I remember, though it's all wrapped up in my human memory.

"As her time approached they talked about the baby. The girl knew she wasn't expected to live, but she didn't blame Athenodora. She told her she wanted her to raise her baby. Caius tried to distance himself from the whole thing. Athenodora had cut him off while he was fornicating with the girl, and she was too busy for him while she was pregnant. He was anxious for the whole thing to be over.

"I was there when the baby was born. It was hideous to watch. The girl was in agony before the drugs took affect, and it was a blessing she never woke up. It tore out of her..."

"I know!" I interrupt him. "Please, you don't have to tell me."

"I'm sorry." He sighs deeply. "Athenodora helped with the delivery, and when she saw that the girl was dying, she begged Caius to change her. They'd become friends, and she didn't want her to die. Caius refused. He wanted the baby, but not the mother, and he didn't want to have to face the woman he'd bedded, beyond her usefulness. His wife didn't have the control to do it herself, but in a last ditch effort, as the girl faded away, she tried. Instead of saving her, she drained her.

"The baby was healthy, with a beating heart, and warmth, and all the things we would later discover were normal for hybrids. At first she was ugly... all pink and wrinkled and bald. But within hours, she developed and grew, and she was a blond haired, blue-eyed angel to behold. Athenodora took her as if she'd given birth to her. Everyone called her Athenodora's Baby, then Dora's Baby, and eventually just Dora."

I sit up on my own, even though Alice is behaving as if I'll break. "Why does she blame me for killing her mother?"

"She doesn't really acknowledge her birth mother. Athenodora and Caius raised her. When Joham took over, he was quite interested in Dora. She's a powerful hybrid, and he's not her father. As soon as she became of age, he took her." I can't help but feel sickened at his words.

"At fifteen? You've got to be kidding me!"

He looks angry. "The hybrid age of consent was lower then, and she was chronologically only seven, which made her fourteen. He didn't use his power on her because Caius essentially gave her to him – against his wife's protests. They were a couple for three years, but she never conceived his child."

He stops talking to check on his children. Armando has set aside his ice pack. I take the opportunity to stand and find a seat, so I'm not in the middle of the floor.

Alice is on one side, and Aro takes the seat beside me to continue his story. "Athenodora had to go with the army when we marched on Denali. Caius was so fully under Joham's influence he didn't even have the will to argue for his own wife. He did manage to put her at the back of the army, like she was when we came to Forks. She stayed out of the fighting up until the end. It was your power that knocked her out, and made her vulnerable. She was away from the main group, and an easy target. A lot of them never got back up. What was left of Delphine's army was merciless in killing those who'd fallen. Athenodora and my wife Sulpicia were both cut down that way."

I think I realized on some level that my one attack had changed the outcome for us. But I'd never really thought or talked about it to anyone. I knew the battle had turned in our favor, and that's all I cared to know. To think it was something I did, which caused so much death and destruction was a bitter pill to swallow. Being here at Volterra, I was seeing the faces of those who'd been affected by the war on the other side. How could I blame Dora for hating me, when in her young mind I really did kill her mother.

"Where is the girl now?" I look around and I don't see her.

"Bella, attacking a council member is punishable by death. They've taken her up to the chamber where such sentences are carried out." He looks at me as if I'm slow. "Did you want to witness her execution?"

"What? They're going to kill her!" I'm on my feet even before he answers.

"Of course. It's very sad that she's the daughter of my friend, but..."

"No! We've got to stop it!" I take off at a run, and Alice is right behind me.

"Bella, what are you trying to do? You still need to rest!"

"Call it off, Alice! We can't let them do this!" I skip the elevator, and run up the three flights of stairs. I make it to the room, and have to plow through a mass of Volturi Guard.

"Stop it! Don't touch her!" Several try to restrain me, and I elude them. Alice comes in behind me and gives the order to halt the proceedings. When I get a look at the girl, I'm shocked. She looks as if she's been beaten, and they have her chained in shackles mounted from the floor and ceiling. Her face is bleeding, and she's crying, but she can't even wipe the mess oozing from her nose.

As I take a closer look, I see something that horrifies me. It's one of the thermite disk's they used to burn the vampire parts during the war.

I get closer to the girl, and she sees me. "Get away from me!" She screams and struggles in the chains.

"I'm not going to hurt you..."

"Get away from me, murderer! I hate you! You should be dead, not her!" She lunges in the chains, as if she'd reach me. I see two members of the guard move as if they'd beat her for the offense.

"No. don't touch her!" I look at Alice, feeling all too powerless. I know the chains are somehow vampire proof. "This is ridiculous, I'm not just going to let you assassinate a helpless girl!"

"Bella, this is how we do things here." Aro moves through the Guard with ease, and comes to stand beside me. "She knew the risks when she chose her actions. Trust me, if there's one thing Caius' daughter knows, it's the law."

She looks at him with tearful blue eyes. "Uncle Aro, I'm sorry, please don't hate me when I'm gone." He steps closer to her, and pulls a handkerchief from his pocket and wipes her face.

"I don't hate you. But Arianna's face is in ruins, and Aurora almost died. You know the law." She dissolves into hysterical weeping, and it's only the shackles from the ceiling which keep her from falling to the floor as her knees give way.

"Why did you attack me?" I move up beside him. "Didn't you know about my shield?"

She raises her head and glares at me. "I thought I was strong enough to overcome your protection."

"You heard her, Aro, she did attack me, even if it wasn't successful." I raise my voice to be heard over the Guard and the witnesses. "Under article twenty-seven of the Articles of Punishment, in the Ancient Volturi Law, I demand the right of bondage."

She screams and lunges for me again. "No! Kill me! Burn me now! I won't do it, and you can't force me to submit!" I meet her hate filled eyes and smile. She spits, and my vampire reflexes keep it from landing on my face as she intended.

Aro looks at me stunned. "When did you become versed in Ancient Volturi Law? I haven't heard that right demanded since slavery was abolished. Do you understand what you're doing?"

"I studied a bit. And I know what I'm doing. If granted, she will belong to me, and you can't kill her unless I permit it."

His eyes narrow. "You realize this law wasn't written to save them from death, but to allow the wronged party to punish them above and beyond death? I really should deny your request and force you to get your support from the rest of the council. But I have a feeling Alice will support you, so I'll give you my vote, if Alice wants to second it."

"I second it." She's staring at me, and I wonder how this lines up with her visions.

"So, how did they keep them in line after they were given to their new _masters_?" The word feels dirty on my tongue.

"Typically they had one or more loved ones who would suffer their sentence if they should fail in their servitude. But Dora's family is gone." He removes a glove, then touches her. "She does have a lover she's quite attached to." I can see the horror in her eyes. He turns to a member of the guard. "Go and find Sabrina, and bring her here." I'm stunned that her lover is a woman. I wonder if she was gay before Joham "took" her, or if his use of her influenced her choices. Either way he's lucky he's already dead.

"No! Please don't let her see me like this!" Aro is impassive as we wait. I hear her pounding heart when they bring her in. She's clearly panicked over the events she's likely just heard about. She's a petite human woman I suspect is Volterrani. She rushes through the crowd and wraps herself around Dora in spite of the guards who would have stopped her if Aro didn't hold them back.

He slips into a flowery form of speech as he utters the full names of both women. "I hereby declare that you belong to Isabella Marie Swan Cullen, You will follow her commands in both letter and spirit. You will not seek to flee from her nor harm her in any way. You will have no rights unless she grants them to you. Your life belongs entirely to her. Failure to comply will result in your death, as well as that of your loved ones."

Her screams fill the chamber. Sabrina tries to comfort her, but she's pulled away. As I watch, they unlock the shackles and several hands hold her. A collar is snapped onto her neck, and I realize just how serious the law is when they hand me a length of chain fastened to the collar.

"Have Miss Sabrina moved into a more secure area until further notice. I don't want either of them to escape." Dora lunges for him, but my hand on the chain keeps her from him. The Guard leaves the chamber, and I'm left with Aro, Alice, and a very angry hybrid on a leash.

"Well, it looks like you've got your wish. It's going to be interesting to see how this one plays out." He smiles cryptically "If you'll excuse me, I need to go be with my children now."

"Are you nuts!" Alice confronts me. "Bella, do you have any idea how many human laws you're breaking? Why didn't you give me a chance to figure this out, I would have come up with... something." She doesn't look too sure of herself.

"I listened to Carlisle tell how fast they carry out their executions. I didn't want to take any chances that I'd be too late."

"What are you going to do with her?" We both turn to look at the girl. She's as far away from me as the chain will allow.

"Can I trust you if I take the collar and chain off?"

"No." Her words have more venom than I do. "I'll not follow you like a docile puppy."

"Suit yourself." I look at Alice. "I want to take her to see a doctor first. I think her nose is broken, and I'm sure that's not all of her injuries." Alice leaves me so she can reorganize the twice postponed council meeting.

People stare as we walk through the halls on the way to the clinic. Dora pulls at the leash anytime she thinks I'm not paying enough attention. The doctor is horrified at her treatment, but I explain it's her own choice. I have to order her to submit to a check-up. Her nose is broken, and the doctor manipulates it so it will heal straight. She's also got three cracked ribs and a mass of bruises under her clothes. She makes me feel horrible when she tells me the worst injuries happened when I hit her with my shield. Fortunately hybrids heal fast.

When I ask her when she ate last, she tells me it was yesterday. I take her to the cafe, and get her enough food for two meals. I have to order her to eat. After her meal, I order her to take me to her apartment. It's a nice place, even though it's small. I know that her assets can be liquidated to pay restitution for her crimes, but still I order her to pack a suitcase. I find a picture on her bedside table, and I realize it's not Sabrina, but her mother. She looks angry when I pick it up, and I lay it atop her clothes in the suitcase.

"You think this whole benevolent act is going to make me stop wishing you were dead?" Her sneer reminds me of Caius.

"Don't sneer, and that's an order." I sigh. "I'm not acting, and I'm not all that benevolent. I didn't know your mother, but I know a lot of Volturi died in the war. I lost people I loved too."

"You should have died!"

"For two years I would have agreed with you. I didn't want to live without my husband. Every day I would wake up and stare at the place I last saw him alive. Your father murdered him. I watched it happen and I couldn't stop it. I was too late to keep them from burning him. I can never forget. He was the father of my child, and the only man I'd ever loved. I miss him more than you can imagine. I've only just started to live again."

"I didn't kill him. But _you _killed my mother, and I hate you. She was all I had, and she was so good to me..." She angrily wipes away her tears.

"When Edward died... I couldn't believe it. I didn't believe he could ever die. He was an amazing man: Talented, kind, loving, beautiful, compassionate, understanding, and so fiercely protective. He was my whole world, and they tore him to pieces. I didn't mean to attack them. It was a spontaneous manifestation of grief and horror that came out of me like a tsunami. Dora, when your mother was killed, I was unconscious on the ground, completely oblivious. I don't know who took her life, but I was just as vulnerable as she was."

"What are you trying to gain by telling me all of this? Is this the 'oops I didn't know,' defense? If you hadn't knocked them out, she would still be alive!"

"I'm trying to remember you're still young enough to be foolish. But your reasoning is flawed. You only want to hate me because I'm accessible. But Joham sent her to war, and Caius didn't stop it. Maybe my shield knocked her down, but someone else killed her. And no one tried to save her from the flames."

"If I have to, I'll get to each and every one responsible!"

"To what end? You could get to everyone on the list and kill them all. She's still just as dead! You can't bring her back, and you can't change the past. It's a waste, Dora. It's a waste of the life she wanted you to live."

"You didn't know her, you can't tell me what she wanted!"

"I'm a mother too. I could have easily died in the war, and I know for a fact I would hate it if my daughter gave up her life to pursue revenge. I would want her to get over me and move on. I would want her life to be my tribute."

"_You a_re not my mother! She was better than you, and she deserved to be avenged!" Her ice blue eyes flame with passion.

"Where does it stop? What if we all avenged everyone who deserved it, how high would we pile the bodies before we stopped? I could avenge Edward, Rosalie could avenge Emmett, Alice could avenge her mother, and Carlisle could avenge his wife. They all deserved it Dora, and in the end we could have several more mourning families, all bent on revenge. Haven't we had enough? Don't you have any idea where this foolishness leads? Go find Velasquez and ask him how long his coven was fighting with Duarte's. I can tell you if you choose that life, your whole existence becomes about war and fighting. I've seen it first hand, and it doesn't end well."

"I don't want it to end well, I just want it to _end_!" I watch her change, almost as if a switch is thrown. She goes from defiance to deep sorrow, and she collapses onto the bed. Her lip quivers, and tears pool in her eyes, then stream down her face. "She was my _mother_... my mama... she loved me..." Her voice hitches. "Even Sabrina doesn't love me like she did. It hurts! It always hurts... and I miss her. A thousand times a day I want to tell her something, or see her smile, or just hear her voice... but she's gone. I never even got to tell her I loved her before she left... I didn't get to say goodbye."

"I know how you feel."

"Impossible!" She doesn't even look at me, she's so caught up in her grief.

"You fee like someone's reached into your chest, and pulled out your heart. And where it used to be, there's a frozen rock. It haunts you every minute of every day, because you know it's just _wrong_, but you don't know how to fix it. You feel like the very universe has cheated you, and you want to scream, and kick, and break things. And then there are other times when you just want to close your eyes and cry yourself to sleep, and never wake up."

She stares at me in silent comprehension. "I couldn't even cry for him, Dora – no tears."

"Why can't I just get over it? Everyone tells me it's time... but I can't!"

I nod. "I know it sounds impossible, but you have to make the decision. You have to learn to let her go, and know she will always be with you. You don't just get over it, it's a process." I pick up the picture, and turn it to face her. "Will you tell me about her? It helped me just to have someone who would listen." She takes the picture from my hands, and traces over the face with her finger.

"She liked to laugh. She didn't have a vampire laugh, it was loud, and off key, and she always laughed at the most inappropriate times." Her suitcase is forgotten, and I spend the next few hours just listening to her unburden her soul. I go from standing, to sitting on the bed with her, to moving close enough to hear her whispered words. As she recalls a painful memory, I put my arm around her shoulders. She flinches, but doesn't pull away.

After an afternoon of tears and revelations, I have my arm around her as she nestles against my side. I'm just sifting my fingers through her long blond hair when she looks up at me.

"I still want to kill you." A tiny smile darts across her face.

"That's okay. Alice wanted to kill me too, and she's my best friend." I reach around her neck and unfasten the collar. "You're still not off the hook, but I'm not going to drag you around by a leash. In fact, I think I'd rather you hold my hand."

"Why?"

"So I'll know where you are for one. And because it looks much better than a chain. And because a very smart man showed me how touching helps people heal."

"So what now?" She looks at the nearly packed suitcase.

"Finish packing. You're staying at my apartment tonight. But first, you're going to go and apologize to Aro's children.."

"I will not!"

"Yes you will. I don't care if you're sincere, but there are three kids who have it rough enough without what you did to them today. You can hate me and Aro all you want; we're adults. But those kids didn't do a thing to you, and you're going to apologize to them."

"You're not my mother – you can't boss me around!" I smile at her declaration. She's younger than Ness, and even though she's developmentally in her early twenties, she sounds like a spoiled pre-teen.

"I know I'm not your mother. But your own law says I'm your master, and you will do as I say." She glares at me angrily. "Finish packing. I'm not sure what will happen to your room, and I'd hate to see you lose something else that matters to you."

Fifteen minutes later, I pull her suitcase, while she carries two more bags slung over her shoulders. I hold her hand as we walk to the other part of the building. People still look at us strangely, but at least they don't stare.

"There aren't any windows," she complains. Nahuel's suite is a little nicer than hers, but she doesn't seem satisfied.

"You can have the bed, since I don't need it. This is where the council resides, so there are no windows for a reason."

"It's not very homey. It smells funny. Who lives here, a monk?" She has a sour look on her face as she wanders into the kitchenette. "There aren't even any groceries. Nothing but some weird brand of coffee."

"You know, I'm getting more and more convinced that your mother was a saint. Truly she was too good for this earth if she could put up with your attitude! You've got twenty minutes to put your things away, and find a place to stow that chip on your shoulder. I want you to be pleasant when we go to see Aro's children."

"You can't make..."

"Enough!" I cut her off. "I think I need to be saying _you _can't make _me_. Isn't that what your power is all about? You turn people into puppets against their will? It only stands to reason with what your father could do. You have some things to learn, and until you do, you belong to me. _I'll _be pulling _your _strings, and there's nothing you can do about it, unless you want Sabrina to pay the price." I hate talking to her like this, but I need for her to believe it's more than an empty threat.

"I hate you. I wish you were dead." She mutters as she goes about putting her things away.

"I don't hate you, and I'm glad you're not dead. How's that feel?" Her scowl deepens, but she doesn't say anything. I guess Mom was right, and you _can_ kill em with kindness.

While I wait for her to calm down, I prowl thorough Nahuel's kitchen. If I'm going to be hosting a hybrid for an unknown amount of time, I'd need to have something for her to eat. "I need you to make a list of what kind of food you like to eat – and by that I mean human food, not humans _as_ food."

She's in the doorway glaring at me. "Do you really think I'm that uncivilized? We only crave the blood when we're young and growing. It's been almost two months since I've had any blood. Most of us live on a high protein human diet. I want meat. I prefer steak, and I eat it thick and raw. The same goes for other meats. Some prefer their food cooked, and some do not. I don't eat pasta, bread, or cereal, and I only eat fresh vegetables and fruits, also raw."

"Thank you. Are you ready to go tell the kids you're sorry?'

Her disdainful look disappears. "Don't make me do this... please." I want to dismiss her plea, but there's just something in her look that goes beyond simple bad attitude.

"What's wrong? You have to tell me why, or we're going."

"Please... I can't face her."

"Aurora or Arianna?" I follow her as she turns away and sits on the bed again. "You tried to kill them. What's so difficult about facing them now?"

"Oh god... she's just so beautiful... I messed up her face..."

"Arianna? She's a pretty girl, but so are you." She looks up at me like she's never heard a compliment. "Oh come on, you _have _to know you're pretty! Didn't your mother ever tell you that?"

"I didn't believe her. She sort of had to say that since she was my mother. I'm just plain, and Arianna is..."

"Arianna is a troubled young girl who has been sexually abused since before her teens." Beauty seems unimportant to me in the harsh light of reality.

"I know. I was Joham's mate when he brought her into our bed." I gasp and collapse onto the bed beside her. "She didn't have a talent, so he didn't want to make her pregnant." Her head droops in shame, and she doesn't look at me. "I didn't excite him anymore, so he used her to get himself aroused, so he could mate with me.." I can't even say anything. I put my arms around her and hold her tight, not only to comfort her, but to comfort me.

"He was a monster... you poor thing! I'm so sorry no one was able to protect you from him."

"I thought I was special. My father told me I was chosen to be his mate so we could build a powerful dynasty together. I went to him willingly, but I hated what he did to me. Because I was a hybrid, he said he didn't have to be gentle with me. I put up with it at first because he was attentive to me, and he loved my power." Her voice dwindles to a tiny thread.

"But as the months passed and I didn't get pregnant, he became cold and abusive. He didn't want to give up, but he said I was defective. I was one of the few people he didn't control with his power – father insisted. But because he didn't control me, he beat me any time I displeased him; which was often. For almost three years he used me however he saw fit. He told me I was just a diversion and a substitute. He told me he would set me aside when he acquired his true mate."

I pull away and look at her. I can feel the full impact of the horror all over again. She is crying silently, and I wipe her tears with my fingers. She looks at me like a young doe as I speak. "Joham was a terrible creature. Dora, he thought my daughter was supposed to be his true mate. He engineered the whole war so he could get to her. He's the one responsible for the deaths of all those we love, don't you see?"

My words seem to hurt her, and I watch the look of horror take over her face.. She pulls away from me and the slow trickle of tears becomes a noisy flood as she runs for the bathroom.

"Dora, what's wrong? Don't hide in the bathroom, you can't fix it from there."

"It's all my fault." I can hear her sobbing and sniffling, and her voice is so small and dejected through the door..

"You need to come out of there." I hear her hitching sobs on the other side of the barrier. "Dora, get out here right now – and I mean that as an order!" I listen, and I can hear her opening cupboards and drawers. I think maybe she's trying to clean herself up, but then I smell blood, and lots of it.

"Dora!" I hope my scream will bring help, but I feel sick as I tear the door from it's hinges. In an instant I take in the scene. She's found Nahuel's old-fashioned razor and taken out the blade. A human suicide attempt would likely involve some kind of cuts on her wrists. But Dora is hybrid, and she's slashed her own throat in a way that would have quickly killed a human. I snatch the towel from the rack and hold it over the gushing wound, and scream for help.

Thankfully I'm not tempted much by hybrid blood, but she's already on the floor and bleeding out. I kneel beside her and pull her head into my lap, hoping to somehow elevate the wound. In seconds I'm covered in her blood, and I do all I can to stop her bleeding. I can hear her rapid heartbeat and feel her blood pressure dropping. She's going into shock.

"Stay with me Dora, hold on, help is on the way." I can only hope I"m right. "Stay calm and don't move, baby, it's going to be alright."

Her hand is feeble and covered in blood as she reaches up to me. "I'm sorry..." Her voice is a breathless whisper. "It's all my fault. He wouldn't have went after your girl... if I wasn't ugly and defective..." Her words tear through me like the razor she used to cut herself.

"No! No, no, no, no, no!" I bend and pull her closer to me, until my cheek is pressed to hers. "No. It's not your fault! You're not ugly or defective, and it's not your fault! Stay with me baby, don't die!" I raise my voice and scream for help again. She looks so pale, and the way her heart races reminds me of feeding, when I can feel the animal's life coming to an end.

I'm just about to pick her up and run to find someone when I hear them come through the apartment door. I expect to see Alice or Aro, or even some of the hybrids who live on this floor. Instead the doctor we've seen just a few hours before comes in, with three helpers and a gurney. It feels like a minor miracle when they immediately begin working to save her.

I want to give them room to work, but her hand is in mine, and I don't want to let go. They immediately start an I.V. and begin giving her a blood transfusion. I can't help but wish Carlisle was the doctor working on her instead of the young Italian. But they seem to know what they're doing, and in minutes they have her ready to move.

I have to let go of her hand as they move her to the gurney, and her fingers are bloodless and limp. One of the helpers doesn't involve himself in her care, and I notice his white coat has the insignia of the Guard. I realize on some detached level, that he's there to keep the other vampires away from her. He doesn't stop me from running along beside them as they rush her from the suite.

The clinic is only a few rooms, but I recognize Carlisle's influence, as it's stocked as well as any hospital emergency room. They work furiously to save her life, and I'm left feeling completely useless and helpless. I'm only good at taking life, not saving it. The only good thing about being treated at Volterra as opposed to a real hospital, is that there are no forms to fill out. She's unconscious, and I decide to see if I can find her lover.

**A/N: Don't worry, Carlisle will return. Next update should be on Thursday again. **

**Do the chapter reminders help?  
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**I've just started to Beta a story called, "An Italian Winter" by Raum, who is Italian. She hasn't yet posted the first chapter, but it's finished in it's rough draft state, and she'll be posting a chapter a week when it's up. The woman can write, and it looks like a B/E set in Italy, where Edward is a musician still dealing with issues of his rebellion. She has five other stories up, if you want to check her out, since she's not yet getting the love she deserves.  
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	22. Chapter 22 Forgiveness

**Chapter 21 Reminder:**

Bella, Aro, and his children are attacked by Dora, the daughter of Caius. She can control people physically with the power of her mind. Her attack is thwarted, when Bella uses her shield to smash her. They take the girl and plan to execute her. Bella uses an ancient law to claim her, essentially as a slave. They don't kill her, and Bella takes custody of her. Through many hours of talking and helping Dora begin to heal from the loss of her mother, she begins to trust Bella.

Dora believes that a failure on her part, lead to the war. She blames herself for all the death, and she attempts suicide. Bella and the medical team rush her to a room at the clinic, and fight to save her life.

**Chapter 22**

**Forgiveness**

I step into the hall, and run into Alice. "Bella, you look terrible!" I glance at my clothes, and realize I've got blood caked onto my red satin blouse. It's seeped into my black skirt, and my legs are brown with it. "Is she going to be okay?" Her worried look lets me know how just the right help arrived so soon.

"I don't know. It's bad, Alice."

"As soon as I 'saw,' I called the doctor." She takes my hand and we sit down in the chairs lined up in the hallway. "I hope I wasn't too late." She turns away, trying to hide the expression on her face.

"What did you 'see' Alice?" I grab her arm and she turns to face me.

"I saw her death." At my horrified gasp she rushes to reassure me. "But my visions are based on everyone's conscious decisions, and it might just be because it was her intention."

"That poor girl is another casualty of Joham's twisted agenda, and I was too late to recognize it. Good lord Alice, she's a year younger than Ness. He used her sexually, and he abused her physically, and he tore apart her self-worth and confidence to the point she believes there's something wrong with her." I feel horrified at the implications. "He would have done that to Ness. He would have forced her to have his children."

"I know." Her words are barely whispered. "I saw that future too... where it was Ness who tried to end her life." I don't even want to think about it.

"Can you find that girl, Sabrina? I really don't want to leave her."

"I'll find her. Oh, I got this for you." She hands me a cell phone. "Some of the rooms below ground get terrible reception, but It's got your main numbers already programmed in. I'm number two, and Carlisle's number one. I'll bring you a change of clothes when I come back." I mess with the cell long enough to put it on vibrate, then slip it into my pocket.

"Thanks Alice." I kiss her cheek, trying to avoid getting blood on her. I find a bathroom to clean up some of the mess before I go back to sit with Dora. The doctor has finished repairing the wound, and he's waiting for her normal healing to take over.

He turns to fill me in. "She presented with grade four hemorrhaging. I've done my best to close the wound, but she did a lot of damage. I thought it was just one cut, but it was three separate cuts that made it very difficult to close. Her natural healing should take care of it, and we've given her blood to replace what she's lost. Now we just have to wait, unless there's another treatment you want to follow."

"I'm not related to her... I really can't make those decisions..."

"According to our law, you are her authority and those decisions are in your hands. Besides, anyone else who could speak for her, is already dead." I pull out the cell, and push the number one. I feel so nervous I can't even remember the time difference between Italy and Canada.

"Hello?" His voice is soft and has no inflection. My hands shake.

"Carlisle? It's me... Bella. I need your advice." I hear his breath in my ear, even though he's hundreds of miles away.

"Bella, I'm glad you called. How can I help you?" He's so polite, I can't tell what he's really thinking. I just charge into the story, beginning with Dora's attack on me and Aro's children. He groans when I tell him about the old law I used to get her released to me. And finally when I get to the part about her attempted suicide, I hear him gasp and softly murmur, 'dear god.'

"Let me talk to her doctor." He asks. I hand the phone to him and they go back and forth in medical jargon that loses me in seconds. When he hands the phone back I hear his voice again.

"Bella, he's going to try to give her some blood orally. I've found that the hybrids are enough like us, it's better to feed them than to transfuse them. If she wakes up, you need to encourage her to drink. If she's tried to kill herself, she may not want to cooperate. You have to get her to comply. Sometimes suicidal patients are belligerent, depressed, or unresponsive. Keep her calm, and get her to drink as much as you can." He pauses for a long moment. "Are you alright? I'm sorry I'm not there to help you now."

"I'll be okay... I'm just so worried about her. In Alice's vision she saw her death. I don't want to lose this girl, Carlisle."

"I know. But it's not in your hands..."

"It feels like it's my fault. I told her too much, and now she wants to die. My god, she's younger than Nessie... in fact the whole reason they even had her, was because we proved it was possible for humans to give birth to hybrid babies. I just never expected I'd have to deal with anything like this. They let her own mother die... she should be here taking care of her – not me!"

"Bella, calm down." His voice perfectly demonstrates the calm he's asking of me. "You can do this. You're stronger than you think, and she's lucky to have you on her side. It's not your fault. You'll get her through this." His words help me to focus, and I watch the doctor preparing to try to feed her. It's quiet on the phone, and I worry he's about to hang up.

"I'm sorry for what I said when you were here..." I murmur into the phone.

"I'm sorry it was true." He sighs. "I want to talk about all this later, after your crisis is resolved. I'll call you back later, okay?"

"Okay." He says goodbye, and I'm left holding the silent phone, and missing him.

I can see them trying to rouse Dora to get her to drink. Finally her eyelids open halfway. The doctor props her up to drink, then I watch in surprise as he turns and dumps the blood into the sink. He looks at me with panicked eyes, and picks up a scalpel and heads for his patient. I've forgotten who we're dealing with, and I belatedly shield the minds of those in the room.

I move into her field of vision and get up in her face. "Neither one of your mothers gave you life and raised you, just so you could throw it all away! Living is the harder choice. Fixing your problems takes real strength. From what I've heard, Athenodora didn't raise a coward! If you die, all your memories of her will die with you. You'll be leaving her legacy in the hands of those like Aro. You need to get better, Dora. Joham doesn't get to claim one more victim. You can't die now, I forbid it!"

The doctor hands me the cup of blood, and I hold her head in the crook of my arm and coax her to drink it. One small cup at a time, I feed her like a feeble child. All the while, I whisper soothing words to her and pull her blood soaked hair from her face. When she finally clamps her lips together and refuses more, I can see she's already mending.

I sit beside her and hold her hand. She's awake and quiet, looking everywhere but at me. "It's not your fault, Dora. Don't you see, you were only a variable, Joham was the constant. If you had been able to have his children, maybe he wouldn't have come for Renesmee. But he would have come eventually. He wanted a war between vampires and humans, and we would have stood in his way. He could have had a a whole army with powers like yours. He would have forced Armageddon, and we would likely have all died."

She looks at me then; ice blue eyes pooling with tears. "I'm sorry I tried to kill you. How can you be so kind to me?"

I smile at her. "I have a daughter your age. And everyone keeps telling me you don't have anyone. If she had been through what you've been through, I would hope someone would be kind to her. You were still a child when he did those things to you If the one and only person who was ever good to you died in the war, I can certainly understand why you would want revenge."

"You're right. He's the one I should hate. But I miss her so much!" She breaks down in tears again, and I hold her as best I can in her hospital bed.

"Shh, you're not alone now, Sweetheart. It's going to get better, I promise." It seems strange that it wasn't that long ago Carlisle was making the same promises to me. She wraps her arms around me, with the I.V. tubes entangling us.

"Don't leave me... please." Her small, timid voice is proof of just how broken she is.

"I won't." I'm sitting beside her, still holding her hand when Alice returns with Sabrina. The young woman is in tears as she hugs Dora. Their passionate kiss makes me feel a little uncomfortable, as they get reacquainted, I take the opportunity to go clean up and change clothes. Afterward I peek into the room and Sabrina is lying next to her in the tiny bed, and they're holding each other.

The doctor steps into the hall to talk to me. "She's recovering nicely. I've also used Dr. Cullen's advice to treat Aro's children, and they're also doing much better. I think I'll keep her overnight, then you should be able to take her home. The hybrid healing is a wonderful thing. If she were human she wouldn't have lived." I smile and thank him. I'm surprised he has so little experience treating hybrids, as there are so many of them here. But then again it's really hard to injure them, and for two years Carlisle has tirelessly treated them himself.

"I take it she no longer hates your guts?" Alice grins at me.

"No." I stare at my friend, realizing what she's been dealing with for two years. I slowly shake my head. "I don't know how you deal with all this mess. They're all so broken, and I've only met a handful of them. I mean they're doing drugs, they're drinking each other's blood, the vampires and hybrids don't associate with each other, they're having sex all over the place, and sometimes they act like children even when they're adults or nearly so."

"It's been a challenge. Wait til you see the pseudo families. There're little gangs where they've bonded to form families like we had in Forks. But it's not healthy, as they assign roles and no one is allowed to rise above them unless they challenge the parent figures. The so-called children are subjugated by the parents."

"How can I help get this council up and running right? I mean there are so many things that need to change here, and first on the list is making sure someone like Joham never comes to power again. I can't believe Aro thinks he favored the hybrid's, since they're the most broken of all."

"He didn't really favor them – he wanted an army. Soldiers don't need real education, and they don't need kindness, and they don't need morals and values, and they don't need families or mothers."

"He was wrong about so many things. I mean he wiped out most of the women who weren't hybrids, and those he treated as second class citizens or sex slaves." I hate the feeling of being helpless in the face of so much that's wrong. "I'm sorry I didn't help these past two years. You, Jasper and Carlisle have had so much to deal with for so long."

She squeezes my hand. "It's okay, you're here now, and you're already making a difference."

"Fine job I did, almost getting her killed." I glance toward the room

"You saved her life. But more important, you changed her attitude. Helping Aro's children is another good thing. You've only been here a couple days, and you're already making progress."

My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I hurry to answer it. It identifies who's calling, and I smile.

"Hi." So much for smooth talking. I feel like a lovesick teenager.

"Can you talk now, Bella?" I glance at Alice, and she smiles and nods, then gets up to leave.

"Yes, mischief managed." Oh great, now he really will think I'm a teenager.

His voice is soft. "I miss you." I gasp at those three little words.

"I miss you too." I can hear the longing in my own voice.

"I'm sorry!" We both say it together, then we laugh.

"Seriously Bella, I was wrong to treat you like I did after the council meeting. I don't have any right to criticize the way you handle your grief. I was just so worried about how Alice would handle seeing you, and I forgot you both had grievances." He laughs softly. "I just had this crazy notion that being with me would magically fix your problems. Can you forgive me?"

"Already forgiven. You have magically fixed many of my problems. I'm sorry I said all those things to Alice. I didn't plan on opening my mouth, I just..."

"It's okay. It seems it was a good thing after all. We've all been treating her like she would break in a crisis. You did really well in mending fences with her. I didn't expect that. You're amazing." His words put a crazy smile on my face and leave me speechless.

"How is Dora doing?" His question makes me shift gears to talk about the reason I called the first time. I stand up and peek into the room again.

"She's going to live, thanks to you. The doctor didn't really know how to treat hybrids, aside from waiting on their own healing."

"I'm glad you called. I'm glad you could still trust me."

"Of course I trust you, you're the best..." He laughs at my words. "...doctor I know." I grin into the phone. "It sounds like someone needs a little ego stroking."

"Among other things." His mellifluous voice teases my ear.

"I wish you were here. I'd be happy to stroke your... ego" I try to sound sultry around my smile.

"Oh Bella, you tempt me so much. You're lucky I'm not there... I want to do wicked things to you."

"I wish I was with you. I want you to do those wicked things to me."

"Vixen!"

"You need to come back soon, you're already calling me by reindeer names." I giggle softly as he laughs. "I want to kiss you so thoroughly you'll definitely know the difference. I want to hold you so tight, you'll never leave me again."

"I didn't leave you, Bella. I had an emergency." I hate that our playful mood has disappeared.

"I know that now." I sigh deeply. "I thought you were still angry with me. I thought you took Colette and..." I can't even finish the sentence.

"I want to say you should know me better than that. But I have let you down and abandoned you before. I can't tell you how sorry I am, that when I answer a call to help an old friend, you automatically believe I've deserted you. I won't do that to you, I promise. I don't typically run from my problems, and I would certainly tell you if I decided to run off with another woman. Not like that's going to happen. I still want this to work between us. Will you let me make it up to you?"

"I still need to talk to you face to face. But I want it to work out too. I don't like being without you."

I hear him groan over the phone. "I miss you every moment we're apart. We're working hard to finish here so we can come back."

"How is he doing?" I don't say his name considering there are so many here who can hear even private conversations.

"He's still pretty bad off. Only one of our kind could survive third degree burns over their entire body. Poor Colette is doing all she can to heal him, but it takes it's toll on her. She's already healed his face, so at least we can talk to him, and he can see us. We've been feeding him too, since he can't hunt. Rosalie and Garrett are here too."

"How are they doing?" I feel strangely left out.

"Bella, they went and got married, can you believe it?" I hear the wonder in his voice.

"I believe it." I feel happiness bubble out of me and have to laugh. "Tell them I said congratulations, and I'm happy for them."

"She said she'd had enough weddings with Emmett, and they just went to the courthouse and did it. Oh, you'll never guess what her last name is now – it's Henry. It turns out Garrett is Patrick Henry's son, Neddy, you know, 'Give me liberty or give me death!" He'd just passed the bar exam when he was changed by a woman he met during his celebrations. He was only twenty-three; the same age I was, and he faked his death and changed his name. Of course Neddy is a nickname for..."

"... for Edward, I know. Edward could never have been a Ned or Neddy." I laugh softly. "Obviously neither could Garret. So, he really is a patriot – and a lawyer. That explains a lot. Is Rosalie really happy with him?"

"From what I can tell, she's deliriously happy. They look really good together. Colette healed her face. But what was funny, was that Rosalie didn't ask, and she tried to talk her out of taking on the painful process. She really has changed, and Garrett adores her."

"I miss them too." I sigh. "I hope these council duties will be finished soon."

"So do I. I've spoken to Alice, and we've got some decent nominees for the council seats. As soon as we get everyone situated, we should be able to implement our plan to convene remotely. Alice has also been working on a plan to get Volterra financially solvent again. Believe it or not, that involves not only educating the hybrids, but finding them jobs and getting them into careers. She's also using her gift to make investments. I'd really love to talk to you about the future of Volterra and it's people, but not as much as I just want to talk about you."

"What about me?"

"What have you been doing while I've been gone?" Against my will, my mind goes to the times I kissed Aro, and I feel terrible.

"I had a sleepover with Aro's children. I used my shield so they couldn't hear each other. I've also started working with them to learn how to control their mind reading. I'm trying to teach them how to play music..." Like Edward, my mind fills in.

"It sounds like you've been keeping busy. I still can't believe you're bonded to Dora. She's a very troubled young woman."

"I'm not bonded to her,_ she's_ bonded to_ me_." I correct.

"Bella, you might want to read that section of law again. You have all the rights in the matter, but you are bonded to her as well. She is your responsibility, until her natural death, or until you decide to kill her. I assume you're not going to kill her, so she is in essence your new daughter."

"You're kidding me, right?"

"Well, maybe daughter is too strong a term. But no, you're totally responsible for her. Anything she wants to do has to go through you first. Her doctor came to you for her medical decisions, and that's just the beginning. She has no rights, unless you give them to her. If you want to interpret the law in it's strictest form, she can't eat or go to the bathroom without your permission."

"That's crazy! My god Carlisle, I don't want a slave or a pet, I just wanted to save her life."

"Well, you're the rare exception. I've heard of that law being invoked a time or two, and it wasn't pretty. One time it was used to torture a man for fifteen years before he was finally executed. One other time it was used to wipe out the man's entire family. He was a vampire and he was forbidden to eat. Each time he slipped, one of his family members was executed, until he was the last one left. This isn't a benevolent law, Bella."

"I just couldn't let them kill her..." I feel terrible at the implications of what I've gotten myself into.

"I'm glad you did it." His words surprise me.  
>"You are? But you sounded like you were upset with me."<p>

"I'm upset with the law, not you. You were very brave, and I'm proud of you. Now we just have to figure a way to keep her from being a second class citizen for the rest of her life."

"I love... that you're such a good man." I almost slip and tell him I love him over the phone. I really want to be face to face with him when I tell him the first time.

"I'm really glad you think I am." He doesn't seem to notice my slip.

"Everyone thinks you're a good man. How's Colette?" He laughs at my segue.

"She's pushing herself too hard. She healed Rosalie, and she's been working with Eleazar since we arrived. It's really hard to watch her taking those burns on herself. He's not helping either; he just keeps begging us to kill him or let him die. It's painful to see such a strong man brought low. I never would have thought to see so many suicide attempts among the immortal."

"I'm sorry..." I feel guilty at my own attempt.

"I wasn't really talking about you. What I mean is, it's just so uncharacteristic. We're supposed to be soulless killers, but this proves we're _not_. Even among the Volturi there are those who are just so sad and depressed they don't want to live. Joham obviously didn't understand the concept or the power of love. He may have destroyed the mothers, the women, and the mated pairs, but what he really did was declare war on love. Sacrificial love is what destroyed him. I think what we're all trying to deal with, is the loss of that love. The ones who are recovering are those who have found it again, or who never had it to lose."

"Poor Eleazar... he's lost so much already."

"I'm hopeful that he'll get better." His voice just makes me feel so warm. I wonder how he can be so optimistic in the face of Eleazar's sadness.

"I wish everyone could have your kind of hope." I smile into the phone as I remember how he gave me hope when I had none.

"_You've _given me hope." His words make me want to hold him tight and kiss him. "Before you... I was ready to just walk away. I was trying to put all the pieces of my old life together, but it wasn't working. I would never take my own life, but I wanted to just take myself out of everything. I spent two years treating patients nonstop, and I was even beginning to lose my love for medicine." I'm surprised to hear his revelations.

"I needed you, Bella, and I didn't even realize it. Just since coming back from the island, I've felt more alive and happy than I have in the past two years. It's all because of you." He's quiet for a moment. "I need to see you. I have some important things I need to talk to you about, and they're not going to wait until we're finished here. As soon as I can get away, I'm coming back. Don't give up on me, okay?"

"I won't." We both say our goodbyes, and I'm still smiling as I close the phone and slip it into my pocket.

"They say those who eavesdrop never hear anything good." I'm startled when Aro steps around the corner. "I don't have to read his mind to know he's in love with you. If that smile is any indication, you feel the same way about him." He sits beside me and takes my hand. "Am I just too late?" He smiles sadly. "If you could see where my mind has taken me these past two days... down romantic paths that lead to you, and a life together." He touches my face with his gloved hand.

"Aro... I tried to tell you. I haven't lied ."

"You didn't tell him we kissed." He leans toward me like he would do it again, and I turn away.

"I will when I can see him face to face."

"Such honesty is rare." He takes off his gloves. He softly lays his hand on my cheek to turn my face to his, then his other hand joins it as he cradles my face in his palms. His eyes meet mine. "I could love you... you know that, right?"

"I know." I whisper.

"I would make passionate love with you." His Italian words spark a flame deep inside me, until I remember Carlisle's voice, and it goes out.. "You would be so good for me, and we could be happy together..." He leans in and kisses me, soft and tender. He breaks away and leans his forehead against mine. His fingers sift through my hair. "I've lost any chance with you, have I not?"

"I'm sorry... I really love Carlisle." I not only say the words, but I feel them resonate within me. I'm in love with him, one hundred percent, with no reservations. Edward isn't standing in my way, and neither is Aro.

"He's a lucky man." He kisses my forehead and smiles resignedly. "Be happy... you deserve it." He stands, then leaves just as quietly as he came.

I sit and think about everything that has happened since I arrived in Volterra. There's been so much drama, and yet I'm glad I came. I feel like two years of my life has slipped away, and I'm finally living again. My family has changed. I could worry that we're not the same as the four couples who called ourselves Cullen's; or I could just accept them and get over it.

Alice and Jasper have changed. I'm sure they'll get past their obstacles, and once again be the couple I know and love. But even if they don't, they're still my family, and I love them.

I'll never be able to look at Carlisle the same way again. I love him. I know him more than I ever would have if Esme and Edward had lived. I know I would have lost it all if he hadn't saved me. I've seen him make mistakes, and I've seen his indecision, and I've seen him during moments of weakness and even anger. But I've also seen his wisdom and his caring, and his humor and sweetness. I've seen and felt his love, and I never want to be without it. I know what it feels like to be in his arms, and after all that's happened, I know I belong there.

I hope that Colette will be able to accept us as a couple. In spite of her strange attachment to him, I actually like her. She calls herself Cullen, and I want to include her in our family. I also think of Nahuel, Gemma, Karina, and Huelen as part of the family.

I can't wait to see Rosalie and Garrett again. I can finally be happy for them, now that I don't feel like I'm so broken myself. And I'm hopeful that after his healing, Eleazar will join us.

I stare at the door. Dora is a surprise. I only wanted to save her from being executed, and now it seems she somehow belongs to me. Carlisle called her my new daughter; which is much better than slave. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to handle her, though it seems we're strangely connected.

I step into the room, and they stop kissing. It's embarrassing that I've interrupted, and I'm definitely not missing my blush. I move to the other side of her bed, and they both watch me. Absently I tuck the blankets around her and brush the hair from her face. As I speak, I absently separate the pale strands of hair, glued together by her blood.

"I'm going to go out for a little while. The doctor has my number if he needs to reach me. I"ll be back for sure before you're released, and probably sooner." I can see she looks much better, and I'm sure she'll recover fully.

She takes my hand and smiles. "Thanks for letting Sabrina stay with me. You're not leaving Volterra are you?" She seems a little panicked as she asks.

"No. I just have some things I need to check into. You'll be okay here." She doesn't let go of my hand, and her eyes remind me of a trusting puppy. Impulsively I lean over and kiss her cheek, and she smiles as she lets me go.

I make my way to Alice's suite and tap on the door. She's on the phone, but she welcomes me inside. I listen to her conversation as she tries to reschedule the meeting she's rescheduled twice already. I can see the tension in her posture and hear her frustration as she tries to get the meeting set up as soon as possible.

As I watch her, there's something in her stance that catches my eye, and I stare. I don't know much about designer clothes, but I recognize the red soles of her black high heels, and know she's wearing Christian Louboutin shoes. I take in the rest of her outfit and the change is as subtle as it is significant. She's wearing a designer suit. When I see her hair has been styled, and she's wearing a favorite pair of earrings, I have to smile.

The call ends, and she's still frustrated. "The earliest I can get a meeting set up for is tomorrow, late in the afternoon. At this rate, we're never going to get those positions filled!" I go to her, and just wrap my arms around her.

I know what's driving her impatience. "It's going to be okay... we'll get things fixed and bring him home." She looks me in the eyes, and I see her defenses drop.

"I miss him so much! I can't even go to him – I know I'll be followed."

"When's the last time you hunted?" She looks confused as I seem to change subjects on her, then she smiles. "I need to go tonight, and I thought you could go with me since I'm not familiar with the area. If they want to follow us... even animal blood is difficult to resist." She nods at my unspoken plan, to perhaps hunt in Jasper's neck of the woods.

"Before we go, I need a computer with an internet connection. Without a word, she shows me a small alcove in her suite which has been converted to an office. She's got a lot of books and papers strewn about, but the laptop still holds pride of place.

"It's connected; help yourself. You may want to set up your own account, since mine has a lot of council business on it." I'm grateful for vampire memory, since I learned a lot about computers I never knew as a human. Neither Mom nor Dad was even close to cutting edge when it came to our home computers. Alice's is much more capable, and in no time I'm a new user with a nice secure password a human would have trouble remembering.

I remember Dora's story and I search international news on missing tourists. It's shocking how many have gone missing in the past twelve years, and I realize more than a few fell to Joham and his Volturi. Still not many young Swedish students were likely to venture to this part of Italy, and I easily find Yanna Bjornsson, a twenty-one year old student from Lund Universityx who is still listed as missing, even after all these years. I pull up all the news stories I can find, and I'm confronted with pictures of a smiling, blue-eyed blond who looks so much like Dora, it's heartbreaking to know she's no longer alive.

Among the stories, I find that her parents visited Italy many times, searching for their daughter. There was a major uproar over how lax security was for those who went on the trip. Apparently it took them two days to even take note that she was missing. Then they tried to say she went off with a lover. Her parents maintained their conviction that she wouldn't have gone off with anyone, as she was engaged to be married. I can't help but feel sadness and outrage, that she'd likely been imprisoned, and sexually assaulted for two days, before anyone even knew she was missing.

One by one I save the stories, and print out several. Yanna has two brothers and a little sister, and from what I can tell, her parents are still alive. I'm not the only family Dora has left. I'm not sure if there's any way to reconnect her with her birth mother's family, but I know if it was me, I'd at least want to know about them.

I set everything aside, and go to get ready to hunt. As we leave, I see a couple of the guard following us, and trying to look casual. Alice drives us from the city, and an hour later we're in a wild countryside, and the car following us can't quite stay hidden. When we park, we don't try to hide the car, and we take off into the woods.

There are many laws concerning hunting in Italy, and we're breaking most of them. Still it's better to break their hunting laws than put their citizens at risk. It feels good just to run, and I enjoy watching Alice gracefully leaping through the woods. She's changed from her suit, and she's wearing a black dance leotard, as am I. It's just in case we're seen, and to help us blend in with the dim light of dusk. She looks like a mythical nymph as she races through the trees.

The prey is different here, and it's wild boar we're hunting. As soon as she catches a scent, I move to flank her, keeping upwind so the scent of the animal doesn't make me lose control. Normally I'd head off for my own kill, but I suspect we're being followed.

The animal she flushes and takes down is almost as big as she is, and certainly outweighs her. But she's fast and the animal is no match for her strength, even with it's tusks. I can smell the blood, but I'm not overcome, unlike the two I see sneaking up on her. For so long, it's been common practice to share the kills at Volterra, I'm not surprised that the two Volturi guard are about to blow their cover to share her meal.

Just as we planned, Alice "loses control" of the animal before it's finished, and it weakly stumbles away. The two men who have followed us can't resist the bloody animal, and as they instinctively give chase, we both take off unnoticed. We run flat out back the way we came, and make it to the car. We're gone in seconds, heading to a new hunting ground, and a rendezvous with Jasper. We weren't followed, but still she's nervous as she pulls down the hidden drive to the old farm house.

"What if he doesn't want to see me? What if he's too angry to forgive me? What if he sends me back to Aro? What if he doesn't love me any more, Bella?" She pulls up outside the dark house, and it doesn't look like there's a soul around. We sit in the silence, listening to the hot engine ticking.

I remember how he'd gone through the same list when he thought he'd lost her. "He loves you Alice. Think about it, you're the only thing holding him in Italy. He's here because he loves you." We stare at the farmhouse a few moments longer. I open the door and get out quick, so the light doesn't alert someone we're here.

She does the same, and we stare at the dark and silent house. I hear a muffled sound, and turn toward the movement on her side of the car. It takes me a second to realize Jasper has sneaked up on us, and he's got her in his arms. There's no mistaking the passionate embrace they're sharing. They're kissing like long lost lovers, and without looking he tosses the house keys to me.

I give them their privacy, and go down the path to the house and let myself in. If I wasn't a vampire, I would have believed the place was abandoned. But I can smell his scent, as well as the hint of the candles he'd burned for light. The place is almost pristine clean, and I can't help but wonder if it's because he's had so much time on his hands. There's a big stack of books, and a tiny TV, and I can't help but feel sorry for such an active man to be stuck with so little to do.

Even after only twenty minutes, I'm bored. Jasper's reading material is all about military tactics and training, and I can barely understand any of it. When they finally come in, they're both smiling and joined at the hip.

"I take it all is forgiven?" My question steals their attention, and they tear their eyes away from each other and look my way.

"We still have a few more details to iron out, but I imagine by morning we'll be good." Jasper speaks with a very crooked smile, and a mischievously raised eyebrow. Alice looks up at him in adoration. The emotions coming from him in waves, like the incoming tide, are filled with love, longing, desire, and pure lust.

"I think I'm going to go hunt. I've never hunted boar, so it might take me a while... don't wait up."

Alice conceals a smile and whispers "thank you," as I head for the door.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" I ask, just to reassure myself. I worry that I'm leaving her alone to face the problems she created when she cheated on him.

"We'll be okay." She smiles, then leans in to whisper; "He forgives me... I love this wonderful man." I close the door behind me, and feel the sting of jealousy. Not over Jasper, but because she gets to be loved tonight. I head off to hunt, alone.

**A/N: Because I've become so intrigues with Aro as I wrote this, I have begun a little outtake from his POV. As soon as I'm finished, and know where it fits in, I'll post it separately, and let you know in my comments. He's a lot of fun, as he appears in this story, and I've become much more sympathetic to him as I listened to the story he told me. **

**For those who love Carlisle, I've been reading a long completed story by BookwormBaby2580, called "Take This Heart." She's got a few thousand reviews already, but I'm on chapter 22 and it's amazing so far. It might be hard to take, as it's got abuse as one of the themes. But she writes it with a gentle hand, and she creates a whole family of Cullen's you can't help but love (though I'd like to take her Rosalie and strangle the chick). If you read, please review, and then come back to mine - I've got a lot still in store!  
><strong>


	23. Chapter 23 Phone Calls

**Chapter 22 reminder:**

Dora, a hybrid Bella fought to save from execution, is injured in a suicide attempt. Bella calls Carlisle for advice. He tells her the best way to treat hybrid injuries, and then calls back later so they can talk. They both apologize and admit they still want to work out their relationship. Dora and Bella have a heart to heart talk.

Rosalie and Garret got married, and Colette is working to heal Eleazar. Aro steps away from Bella and seems to stop pursuing her. Alice and Bella go hunting, so Alice can see Jasper and begin working on their marriage.

**Chapter 23**

**Phone Calls**

As I run off into the woods, I can't help but think about him. I'm just imagining how it feels to be in his arms, when I'm struck that it's not Edward I'm missing, but Carlisle.

I hunt, and after I've fed, I have time on my hands. I imagine Alice and Jasper are either making love, or working out their problems, and either way they don't need me interrupting them. I explore the woods until I find a clearing, and I relax against a fallen log to stare up at the starry sky.

I remember our meadow, and the first time I ever really touched Edward. The memory is no longer too painful. I smile as I sift through each of those precious but dim human moments with the man I thought I'd never lose. I loved him so fiercely, even before I realized who and what he really was beneath his beauty. I've existed for thirty-one years, and for over ten of those years I loved him with all that was in me. A third of my life is wrapped up in him.

Most of my best memories are after my change, when time could no longer dim them. Every anniversary, every holiday, and every birthday, was a chance to celebrate. I went from hating the fuss made over these events, to truly anticipating what he had in store for us. Our first anniversary was simply a trip to a luxurious Seattle hotel for forty eight hours of time alone. He knew I wouldn't want to be too far from our daughter, but I cherished the time to reconnect with him beyond being parents.

We had an amazing life together. Looking back, I'm so glad I was able to let my little human worries go. I stopped worrying about the expense of gifts, and the idea that the Cullen's were lavish spenders. I wore the designer clothes with little complaint, and I drove the expensive cars and quit lamenting my truck.

We took Nessie on a spur of the moment trip to Disneyland when the weather forecast a week of overcast and rainy weather. The memories of our family vacations are precious to me, and there was so little opportunity for them, before she was grown.

I spend hours just looking at my memories of him. Our first real fight after I was turned, when we argued for days. I wanted to travel cross country to see my mom, and give her a chance to meet her granddaughter. He thought the trip was too dangerous, and he didn't think it was a good idea for Mom to be confronted with an impossibly fast growing child who looked enough like me I could never deny she was mine. In the end, I told him I was going, either with or without him.

The trip had been a success. There was a moment when we had to walk through the sun to get to our rental car, but I'd worn a large hat and sunglasses, and Edward hid behind our daughter as he carried her. It didn't take Mom long – about two minutes – to realize Renesmee was my daughter. Unlike Dad, she asked lots of questions, and drew many of her own conclusions. Nobody said the word vampire, but Renee went right up to that line in the sand and faced it fearlessly. She didn't say a word, but hugged us each and accepted us without any further questions.

Phil was a bit more reserved. But Nessie soon had him wrapped around her little finger. It was clear she wasn't a normal child, but she was a child, and with no fangs or fear of the sun, he had no reservations about her. In fact she was probably the only preschool girl who could give a minor league player a challenge on the baseball field. She learned to pitch at a speed that challenged his skill. We had to talk him out of taking her to a practice and winning a lot of money from his teammates by betting she could strike them out.

After our week dodging the Florida sun, we were back home. Edward apologized for being against the trip, and it was then we began planning our world travels. I smile at the memories. Aro may have held onto Edward's thoughts, but I have the best of him in my own mind. It doesn't cause me agony to think about my husband. I know he'll always be a part of me, and no one can take those memories away from me.

I know I have Carlisle to thank for my new outlook. I can remember my past without feeling all the pain, because I now know I have a future. I have a future with him. It shouldn't surprise me that the two men in my life are so similar they could have been brothers. Some of the very things I loved about Edward, existed in Carlisle first. We have so much history together, and I know he's seen me at my best and my worst. It stuns me that he wants me the way I want him. And I do want him!

I'm in love. It's the same breathless, tingly feeling I remember, but it's different too. He's different. Edward had a quiet depth about him, but Carlisle has a complexity that keeps me guessing. He's not afraid to admit when he's wrong, or that he's made a mistake. He can laugh at himself, and he's kind almost to a fault. He's got courtly manners and old fashioned ideas, but he's not afraid to try new things or face the future.

He also has a passionate side I never would have expected. Edward always kept everything inside, but for the expression in his eyes. But Carlisle is verbal, and physical, and I can't help but feel he's barely containing a storm just below his calm exterior. He has such iron control and I long to see him lose control with me.

My mind turns to the other passionate man who has tried to claim me. Aro. I still can't believe I kissed him, and not just once. I feel like so many of my walls and reservations are gone, and maybe he took advantage of that. But I'd let him, in fact I'd welcomed it. But passion isn't enough. I can see that clearly now. It's so easy to become overwhelmed with life in Volterra. It's like a microcosm of drama with all the supernatural people living there practically under one roof. Even without Chelsea, it's easy to get mired in the life and happenings there.

If not for Carlisle, I could see myself living there with Aro and his children. Even after only a few days I feel like Volterra has a hold on me. There is just so much need, and it's pulling at me like a magnet. If I'm honest, that's likely the reason I was attracted to Aro. He needs me – or at least my shield. I let myself think about it for a moment. I have no doubt Aro would marry me. And I have no doubt the sex would be passionate and satisfying. I would love the chance to help him raise his children, and help them put their lives back together.

I think about the life I'd have with him. He would be faithful, and Alice would eventually leave and he would probably learn to love me as he said. But I don't know if I could love him. And I fear I would never trust him fully. I can't imagine letting him inside my shield to read my every thought. Trust like that is critical to me.

And even if I could trust him, there's one deal breaking detail that he would never change: He's a murderer. As much as he likes to dismiss our lifestyle as being abnormal, I could never accept his. In fact the longer I stay in Volterra, the more I see evidence that many of the surviving older vampires are those who still drink human blood. I know some are using the hybrids, but there are those who are out there hunting humans. They're_ killing_ humans. Their victims could be my mom or my dad, or some of my friends. I could never get used to being with Aro, and knowing that the mouth I kissed is the same mouth that drank the life from someone. Even now it sickens me.

It's a perfect illustration of the difference between Carlisle and Aro. By definition, Aro always puts his own life above all others, while Carlisle does not. Aro takes lives, and Carlisle saves them. I may have felt an attraction to Aro, but I love Carlisle.

If I'm honest with myself, there's always been a part of me that's attracted to a man's darker nature. It's what allowed me to be with Edward, even knowing he was dangerous to me. It's what made Jacob so attractive to me, and it's what made me throw caution to the wind when it came to my own safety. I may be attracted to Aro's deep, dark, passion, but I could never get over his self-centered arrogance. I could never condone his killing.

I smile as I think about Carlisle. For all of his religious upbringing, he's surprisingly sexy. I never allowed myself to think about him like that, but now it's all I can think about. I long to feel him next to me, and I can't wait to tell him I love him. I imagine making love with him, and I don't feel like I'm betraying Edward at the thought.

My phone vibrates, and I answer it. "Where are you?" I can hear the panic in Dora's voice, and I feel suddenly ashamed. I told her I wasn't leaving Volterra, and I did.

"Dora, are you okay? What's wrong Sweetheart?"

"They made Sabrina go back to her secure room, and they won't let me see her!"

"Who did?" I can't understand what's going on.

"The Guard." Then it hits me; they're likely using her to get to Alice and me.

"Honey, I need to go, but I'll be there as soon as I can, don't worry." I turn off the phone and take off running back the way I came. The car is still at the farmhouse, but it's dark inside. As much as I hate interrupting, I tap on the bedroom window and tell them their hiding place may have been found. I hear Jasper's thanks, and I leave them.

I run back to Volterra, covering the miles with vampire speed. I leap over the wall, and race to the complex. I skip the main entry, and enter through the window in Dora's apartment. I'm still in my black outfit when I make it to her room at the clinic.

She's curled into a ball in the narrow bed, but she turns when she hears me. She sits up as I take my seat beside her, and she wraps me in her arms and clings to me. I feel her tears against my face, and I try to sooth her.

"I thought you left me – everyone leaves me!" I feel her tiny body shaking with her sobs.

"Shh, I'm here. I didn't leave you, I just needed to hunt." She pulls away and looks at me.

"I'm sorry... they said you weren't coming back. They said you didn't want me around." She is a mass of insecurities under matted blond hair, looking out through big blue eyes. Her I.V. has been removed, and she seems to have recovered. I peek at the wound under her bandage, and it's nothing more than three angry red stripes.

"Come on, I'm getting you out of here." I find her clothes, but the shirt isn't fit to wear. Her pants are somewhat bloody, but they're not soaked in it. She's wearing the hospital gown wrapped tightly around her, with her own pants and shoes, when I tell the attendant I'm taking her home. I don't wait for him to tell me she's not been released yet. As far as I'm concerned, she was released when they let the Guard use her to get to me, in hopes of finding Jasper.

I wrap my arm around her waist as I lead her back to my apartment. She's a little weak and she leans against me. I tuck her into the bed, and offer her the blood I've brought with us. I'm thinking about a shower, when I realize I've still got the bloody mess to clean up. As Dora sleeps, I clean and sanitize the bathroom. As I dump another bucket of bloody water, I can't help but think that it was a terrible waste. But it's so much better than her life being wasted.

I check on her before I get into the shower. I laugh to myself as I remember how I used to do that when Nessie was little, just to make sure she really was taking a nap. Dora really is behaving as if she's my daughter.

I feel a lot better as soon as I'm clean and changed. I search Nahuel's place until I find his copy of the Volterra law, both the old and the new. I'm sitting in a chair, reading through the old text, in the quiet of the predawn hours. I feel my phone vibrate. I'm thinking it could be Alice, but I'm surprised when I see it's Carlisle. I set aside the book of laws and duck into the bathroom and answer it.

His voice is so seductive it brings a smile to my face. "I miss you, beautiful."

"I miss you too, sexy." I feel deliciously naughty as I say the words. I try to keep my voice down.

"Minx!"

"More animal references? I definitely need to show you I'm all woman." I tease.

"I think you're thinking of Manx, which is a cat, and you're definitely no cat! You're the saucy little thing who's driving me crazy!" I can hear the frustration in his voice.

"I hope so. That's what you're doing to me." I hold the phone close to my ear to savor his words.

"I'll be back soon. I can't wait to see you."

"I want you now." I tuck a towel under the door and sit on the floor with my back against it. I feel like we're having a forbidden conversation. I'm surprised how just his words and the sound of his voice get to me. I really _do_ want him.

He groans into the phone. "I want you too – desperately." I sigh at the gravelly sound of his voice.

"I could tell you what I want to do to you, but your phone would melt." I laugh softly at the direction the conversation seems to head.

"I'm willing to risk it." I smile at his response. I can't believe he wants to play this game.

"If you were here with me, I'd wrap my arms and legs around you and cover your sweet face in kisses."

His voice plays havoc with me. "Mmm... I'd have my arms and hands full of you. I'd kiss you, and taste that sweet little tongue. I love the way you kiss."

"I'd run my fingers through your hair – I love how soft it feels. I like when it falls on your forehead and makes you look so boyish and enticing."

"I feel like a boy when I'm with you. I can't stop thinking about you, Bella. I want so much to be right there with you."

"If you were, I'd unbutton your shirt, and feel your strong chest under my hands. I want to kiss, lick, and taste your skin" I close my eyes and imagine just that.

"Bella, this isn't fair the way you get to me! You can make me lose control even over the phone."

"I like that I can affect you that way. I wish you would lose control with me."

"Be careful what you wish."

"I don't want to be careful. I want all of you, Carlisle – even that wild, unbridled side of you."

"What makes you think I have a wild side?" I can hear the playfulness in his voice.

"I can feel it in you. I want to feel it in me" I hear him groan.

"Bella, you are making me sorry I ever left. If you want to see my wild side, just keep teasing me. Girl you're going to be in so much trouble when I see you!" I stifle my giggles.

"What are you doing right now, Carlisle?" I envision him sitting at his desk, going over patient records. But then again, I feel like I've got his undivided attention.

"I'm sitting in my room, thinking of you, and imagining what I'll do to you when I see you again. I'm coming back as soon as I can, and I'm going to make you sorry you ever teased me."

"I'm not teasing" I murmur into the phone.

"Neither am I. I want to undress you, and just gaze at your body. I want to kiss and touch every inch of you. I want to squeeze your beautiful curves, and I want to open you up to my mouth. I want to lick you until you scream, and then I want to possess you. I want to fill you up until you're overflowing. I want to watch you writhe in pleasure and I want to drive you absolutely insane with desire. And I want to go there with you, again and again."

His words have stolen my voice, and I feel such delicious shivers pass through my body. His passionate declarations have left me breathless, and I ache for him. I feel physically excited by the images he's placed in my head. I want to answer him with similar descriptions, but I already feel so tense and unfulfilled, I'm afraid of adding to it.

"Take me, I'm yours" The words are exactly how I feel.

"I'm coming for you." I chuckle softly at his word choices.

"There are two different ways I could take that"

"I know." His voice is so sinfully delicious.

"Either way sounds good to me," I breathe

"All for you, and only you." I sigh at his lovely words. I want so much to tell him I love him, but it's not the right time.

"Are you alright?" His concern reaches through the phone.

"Just missing you terribly."

"How is your newest charge?"

"She's sleeping in the next room, if I haven't made too much noise and woken her up. I'm hiding in the bathroom, if you couldn't tell by the echo. She's going to be fine, physically."

"She's not still at the clinic?" I don't know how to explain all that's happened.

"They tried to use her to get to me. Alice and I went hunting and they suspected she was going to meet Jasper. I think they tried to use the phone to triangulate our position."

"Is Dora safe?"

"Of course. She's almost fully healed thanks to you. But Alice hasn't returned."

"She'll be back when she's finished hunting. Don't worry, she knows how to take care of herself." There's so much in that statement he doesn't say. I doubt anyone's listening to our phone conversation, but there's no sense in taking a risk.

"I feel better when you're near. You're like the eye of the storm, and I feel calm and safe when I'm with you."

He laughs softly. "First you tell me I've got a wild side, then you call me the calm eye of the storm. It sounds like you think I'm two different people, or one schizophrenic."

"No. You're just very complex. I like that about you."

"Well, I will be there as soon as I can, but whether calm or wild is yet to be seen. Until then, I want you to know I'm confident you can manage whatever comes your way. You're a strong woman, Bella; it's one of the things I like about you."

"I still don't see it. I feel out of my depth so often."

"I don't have time to list all of your strengths. But you can put your daughter at the top of the list. Then add our success in the war. Truly without you, all of us would have fallen. Who knows where humanity would be if that happened. Bella, you are the one who stood against all the evil Joham represented."

"I don't even like to think about what could have happened. What _did _happen was bad enough."

I hear his sigh through the phone. "We're getting past all this. We're not going to live in the shadow of the war forever. We've already been through the worst, and you're strong enough to handle whatever they throw at you in Volterra. I have confidence in you."

"You are so encouraging... you make me feel like I could move mountains." I laugh softly. "I wish I could move Italy closer to you."

"I'll see you soon. Call me if you need anything, okay?"

"I need you."

"You have me. I'll talk to you again soon." We say our goodbyes, though neither of us wants to hang up.

When I leave the bathroom, Dora's awake. She looks at me and smiles shyly. "It sounds like you were talking to your lover on the phone."

My smile answers hers "We're not lovers yet, but he's very special to me."

"Is he someone I might know?" She sits up in the bed, watching me.

"Yes. It's Doctor Carlisle." Her smile fades into confusion.

"But he is your husband's father! That is disgusting!"

I sit on the edge of the bed, and she backs away from me. "Edward was born of two human parents. Carlisle changed him into a vampire to save him from certain death. Carlisle _was _Edward's sire, but not his father. They often took on the roles of father and son, so they could live among humans easier. But they were more like brothers or friends, and there was no biology involved." I look at her as she takes in my explanation.

"We were both married before the war. We've both lost our spouses, and we both grieved deeply – in fact we still do. I never would have looked at him as more than a friend if that had not happened. But we've made a choice to move past our old roles and we've discovered that we can be together as a couple. I loved his wife, and he loved my husband, and we're not trying to replace or dishonor them. We've decided to step away from the past and the pain of loss, and allow for something good in our lives. And it's not disgusting – it's wonderful." I can't help but smile.

"I'm sorry. I just don't know how you redefine those roles. I couldn't think of my mother as a sister, even if she wasn't my mother."

"That's because she raised you. You do know she wasn't your biological mother, right?" She's so fragile, I approach the subject cautiously.

"She was my mother." Her eyes narrow.

"She raised you, and did everything a mother should, but she didn't give birth to you."

"I don't care about the woman who gave me up!"

"Dora, you weren't given up. Your biological mother died giving birth to you. I thought you knew!" Her eyes fill with tears at my revelation. I climb into bed and pull her to me as she cries. "Honey, human women can't survive giving birth to hybrids, unless they're changed. It's not your fault, and you need to know you weren't abandoned at birth."

"She told me my mother gave me to her!" She clings to me in her sadness.

"She probably wanted to spare you the truth. She probably thought it was kinder for you to believe she lived. All the hybrids Joham created killed their mothers – some were even forced to cannibalize them. Many remember it, and it scarred them in ways you were spared. But Yanna died giving you life."

"Yanna?" She turns wide blue eyes up at me.

"That was your birth mother's name.

"It's my name too. My name is Yanna on my birth record, but I've always been called Dora." She wipes her tears. "Why would she want to have a hybrid baby if it would kill her?"

I pull her tight against me and kiss the top of her head. "Yanna was a captive. She was taken for the specific purpose of creating Volterra's first hybrid – you." I feel her surprised gasp.

"How do you know so much?"

"I did some research to try to find out about your birth family. Yanna was a Swedish university student who came to Italy to study art. She was kidnapped and... " I'm trying to find a better word to use.

"Raped," she supplies grimly. "My father raped her."

"Most likely." I agree. "She became friends with your mother during her captivity and pregnancy. She knew she wasn't going to live through your birth, and she told your mother she should raise you."

"So she did give me to her, but how did she know she wasn't going to live?"

I look her in the eyes. "I remember when I was pregnant with Ness. She grew so fast inside me, my body couldn't take the stress. I drank blood to feed her, and I couldn't do much more than lie back and wait for the next complication. She drained everything from me, and long before she was born, I looked as if I would die. She broke my bones with her kicks, and every growth spurt caused me pain." The girl looks horrified at my story.

"My family begged me to end the pregnancy – which would end her. But I refused. I knew the baby would probably kill me, but I loved her so much I was willing to trade my life for hers." I look at Dora and smile. "Even before she was born, we had a bond. I dreamed of her, and I could just feel that she loved me. Part of that connection was her talent, but there was more to it than supernatural magic. I would have done anything to protect her and give her life."

"How did you come through it?"

"My baby girl demanded to be born, and she broke my body trying to get out. My husband had to tear open my uterus with his teeth to get to her. There was so much blood, and my body was so broken, I died. He injected his venom into my heart to save me, and I was changed moments after her birth."

"Why didn't they save my... Yanna."

"Your mother tried to save her, but she didn't have enough control."

"Why not Papa?" I shake my head sadly, and she answers her own question. "He didn't want to save her. He raped her and murdered her!" She looks outraged.

"Honey... they're vampires. Caius likely didn't consider her much more than food. He didn't appreciate the value of having a mother, because it's been so long since he had one himself. And his wife wanted you – desperately. One of the worst things about being a vampire, is we can't have children. I'm sure Yanna wanted Athenodora to raise you, because she was the only one who could protect you from Caius."

"I wish she could have protected me from Joham."

Her soft words make me hold her tighter. "I wish someone could have protected us all from Joham." I hold her and smooth her hair soothingly.

"I think I'm beginning to understand how you chose to redefine the roles you and Carlisle played. In some ways, I feel like _you're _my mother now." Her words are so small and timid.

"That's a far cry from wanting to kill me." I laugh softly. "You're a grown woman, Sweetheart, but I'm here if you need me."

"I think I need you." She cuddles against me. "You're the first one who's told me the truth." I hold her for a while longer, then I get up to make her drink more of the blood that's healing her.

"Do you feel well enough to take a shower? I'm sure you'll feel better once you're cleaned up." She runs her hand over her matted hair.

"I think I can manage a shower." She gathers her things before she heads into the bathroom. I sit and read a bit more of the old, archaic law book

She's dressed when she comes out, and I help her brush through the tangles of her long, blond hair. It seems funny how easily I fall into the role of her caretaker. Once the tangles are out of her hair, I work at french braiding it, as I used to do Nessie's hair.

She looks in the mirror at it when it's finished. "I like it." She smiles at me.

"You should get it cut. It's really pretty, but it would look better if it was cut to frame your face. You could still leave it long, but pulled back like this it makes your face look too stern." I remember all of Alice's advice on what to do with my own hair. "I know someone who could help you with it."

She runs a braid through her fingers. "Papa liked it long." She looks troubled. "I know what he did to my birth mother was horrible, but he was good to me. He was very devoted to Mama and me... until Joham came." Her wide blue eyes meet mine. "Is it wrong that I loved him?"

I wrap her in my arms. "Loving someone is never wrong. How are you feeling?"

"I'm much better now." She looks at the book I was reading. "Why would you read Papa's laws?"

"I'm trying to figure out different ways to fix some of the problems going on here."

"You mean like Captain Jasper being hunted for attacking Uncle Aro's daughter, Arianna?" I stare at her. I wasn't aware that it was so widely known. She smiles "I hear many things. People forget I'm in the room, and they talk. They will find him, you know. The guard already knows where he's been hiding. As soon as Aro makes the right offer, they'll give him up."

"How do you know all this?"

"They talk. Yesterday I worked out with them, and they were laughing about how Aro had been bested by the captain. But Aro knows how the game is played, and he has yet to make a good offer for the information. They're waiting to see if they'll attack each other, or if Captain Jasper will be arrested." She sits on the bed. "Aro will look for the most advantageous way to regain some of his lost power. He'll likely want someone loyal to him in charge of the Guard. Carlisle wants to make sure the Guard doesn't come under the command of any one council member. On the other hand, Aro and my father have always been in charge of the Guard in the past."

"You know an awful lot about what goes on around here."

"Papa expected me to know all about Volterra politics. As Joham's mistress, I knew all the dirty little secrets. And of course I know the law."

I sit down beside her. "So, how do I legally release you from being bonded to me?" She's quiet for a long moment. She stares at her hands, and I see a tear drip into her lap.

"Oh come on, I'm not going to reject you or send you away!" I tip her chin up and smile at her. "I just want you to be free. I don't want you to be my property. You probably know the law much better than I do."

She wipes her eyes and smiles in embarrassment. "I'm free as soon as you declare me dead." I stare at her in horror.

"I'm not going to kill you!"

She laughs. "I don't necessarily have to _be _dead. You just have to declare that Dora of Volterra is dead." She smiles mischievously. "Everything I own will belong to you, and essentially I will become a non-person." She seems eager to share this plan with me.

"Why would you want that?"

"If Dora of Volterra dies, Yannadora Cullen can live and be free!" I stare at her in stunned amazement. It's so simple, it's brilliant. I stare in silence a little too long, and watch as her smile slides from her face. "You don't want this..."

I've never seen anyone with such a low opinion of herself, except maybe Isabella Swan. I hug her tight and enthusiastically proclaim, welcome to the family, Yannadora Cullen!"

She's still excitedly going over the legal process for being declared dead, when there's a knock at the door.

I've barely opened it when Alice bursts in. "Thank god you're okay!" Her eyes are enormous as she takes my hands. "I'm surprised you haven't heard the commotion even up here. The whole Guard has been called out to hunt for Jasper! Bella, that section of woods where we hunted is being torn apart, and they think they've found his trail!"

She bursts out laughing, and we both turn to face the tiny blond. "No offense Counselor Alice, but they're idiots! Captain Jasper has trained them well to fight newborn armies, and actual wars. But they're hopeless at tracking. If Felix and Demetri were still alive, Jasper would have been found hours after he left. There's no one who can touch him now. I promise you, they'd be better off looking in the place they least suspect him, than to follow his lead. He's more likely to be under your bed than at the end of their trail. They should have taken him when they knew where to find him."

"I see you've recovered." Alice crosses her arms and looks at her with open skepticism. "How do I know you didn't put them on our trail?"

She shakes her head vigorously and looks at me with alarmed blue eyes. "I wouldn't do that! I like Captain Jasper, and I would never do something that would hurt you..."

"Alice, Dora has found a solution to my bondage problem. She's better versed in the law than I am, for sure. Dora is going to be declared dead, and Yannadora is going to be free."

"_Declared dead_?" She looks at me in surprise. "That's just stupid enough it might work!"

Dora tips her chin up. "It _will _work! It's in the law, and the law is all that matters in this case."

"Careful, you're sounding like Caius' daughter," Alice warned with a grin.

"I _know _the law! Papa used every opportunity to teach me. For every law, there's a loophole, he used to tell me."

"And just what kind of loophole can save Jasper from Aro's anger?" Alice sounds indignant.

"I thought you'd never ask." She smiles impishly, and goes to the ancient book of laws and flips to the front. "The new charter is based on the ancient laws. You've made a lot of changes, but there are a _lot _of ancient laws. It's written that in cases where there's merit, we are permitted to revert back to the ancient laws. But the ancient laws didn't arise from the dust fully formed. They were based on medieval laws and codes of chivalry." She scans several pages from the front cover, then smiles and taps the spot.

"Here it is. Just like your charter, it was written in the beginning that any issue could revert back to the more common laws of the land, already in practice." She smiles as we look at the page. It reminds me of an older version of the grandfather clause in the new charter. "Papa wrote these laws, but he didn't write them overnight. This book took a hundred years to write, and while it was being written, altered, and updated, they were forced to rely on the law of the land." Her grin is so wide, she's almost laughing.

Alice and I look at each other, confused, before she explains. "Don't you see? There are several ways to deal with problems arising from conflicts between those in power. But when Papa wrote the law, there were only three in power, and they didn't have many conflicts. So his laws weren't written until much later. Before there was ever a death penalty for attacking someone within the walls of the city, there was the code of chivalry."

She looks between us as if we should understand her, but we're both drawing a blank. "You could look to the old rules of a public judgment venue. That might work, but you'd have to get it to pass by a fifty-one percent margin, and then Jasper has to not only survive the fight, but gain the most sympathizers from the gallery. That's not going to happen if the Guard makes a deal with Aro. It's risky, and you should save it as a last resort."

She smiles at us. But truly your best option is for Jasper to simply challenge Aro to a duel."

"Why would he do that?" Alice demands.

"A duel doesn't have to be to the death. It's simply a way to assure your grievance has been addressed. In fact it's better if it's not to the death, as they are and were technically illegal. But here we're dealing with common laws and practices, rather than sanctioned legal redress. If Jasper were to challenge Aro to a duel, due to the dishonor done him through his dalliance with his wife..." She looks embarrassed for a moment. "...then Aro would have to accept, regardless of the written law."

Alice sounds even more alarmed than before. "What does Jasper gain from fighting Aro? Aro could kill him! That's what we've been trying to avoid all along."

"Aro and Jasper would have to choose weapons." She smiles brightly. "We have found ways to make weapons that can hurt vampires, but they don't_ kill _vampires. Aro and Jasper will be taking a chance on getting seriously wounded, but they'll heal. And once the duel is over, it would be crazy for Aro to demand Jasper's death. If he loses it looks petty and he'll lose credibility, and if he wins, it looks like he's trying to cover up his indiscretion, and again he loses credibility. Aro needs his reputation intact, if he's going to reclaim his power in Volterra.

I stare at the tiny blond, then look at Alice, who's equally dumbstruck. I squeeze her shoulders with a grin "And that's why I'm keeping her."

"No kidding... that's brilliantly simple."

"One tiny problem though..." We both look at her. "He has to make his challenge face to face, in a very public setting. Which means he's vulnerable to capture."

Alice looks unconcerned. "I think we can manage that part. I want to look over the laws and make sure it's going to work."

"It will." She sounds so self assured where the law is concerned.

"Why are you being so helpful?" Alice looks at her with suspicion. We're Cullen's, and I'm sure you've heard nothing but bad things about us for most of your life."

Her face reflects all the sadness of her losses. "I loved my papa, but he was often wrong." She faces Alice eye to eye. "You, Captian Jasper, and Doctor Carlisle have been here for two years trying to help us. Now that I am no longer plotting my revenge..." She sheepishly glances my way. "...I can see how much you care. Volterra without the Cullen's would be a far worse place."

She seems wise beyond her years in her assessment of the situation. "Uncle Aro is afraid of change. He wants things to go back the way they used to be, and he doesn't understand that they're changed forever. He wants his power back. He knows if he attacks Captain Jasper, the Cullen's will likely leave. The council is still too new and fragile, and it will collapse without you and Doctor Carlisle. Aro wants to avenge his daughter's dishonor, but I know he's angry with the wrong man. I know what Joham did to her, because he did the same to me first."

I hold her tight as the memories shadow her face. "You don't have to say anything..."

"No. It needs to be said." She looks at both of us. "My father sent me to be with a monster. He raped me in hopes of making me pregnant. When I didn't conceive, he used me any way he saw fit. I always hoped he would just set me aside. He liked my power, and he used to tell me we were alike. After two years, he realized I wasn't going to conceive, so he tried to change me." She pulls the collar of her shirt down to expose the scar. "He drained me til I was nearly dead, then left me alone to die. For a week I suffered the burning." I hold her as she cries.

"It took a week for my body to reject the venom, and I was still nearly dead from blood loss. I managed to leave and find my mother, and she nursed me back to health. When Joham came for me again, even my father tried to resist him... but it was no use. I went with him, because he suggested my father should kill my mother. I know Papa would have done his bidding if I stayed."

The poor girl seems wrung out, and I lead her to the chair so she can sit. She continues her story, looking up at us with watery blue eyes. "It wasn't long after my return, when he brought Arianna into our bed. Even as young as she was, she was beautiful, and he needed her beauty because I was no longer enticing enough." She bursts into a fit of sobbing, and I kneel to wrap my arms around her.

"Arianna resisted. Joham didn't want to use his power on her, so he made me use mine. I knew what he was capable of if I refused. I did the most horrible thing I could ever do... with my power, I made her do the things he wanted. She was just a child, and I forced her!" She totally breaks down. I lift her and place her back in bed, but she doesn't let me go. I lie beside her and cradle her like a baby as the sobs wrack her small body. I glance at Alice, and she's completely horrified.

"I'm so sorry... so very very sorry." Her voice sounds so small. I don't think she has the strength to go on, but the story keeps pouring out of her, like poison squeezed from an infected wound. "He used us both for his pleasure. But he thinks of himself first and foremost as a scientist.

"He tried several times to change Arianna into a vampire. He's the one who marked her with his bite. He drank from her several times. He injected his venom into her heart." I feel a cold chill at that, wondering if he somehow found out how Edward had changed me. "He made her drink his venomous blood, and he even tried to starve her, thinking that the vampire in her would emerge. He tortured her, and everything he did to her, he did to me first."

Alice sits in the chair beside the bed. She looks her in the eyes as she speaks. "It's not your fault. We've all done things to survive we're not proud of, but he's the one to blame. He's the one who did those things, not you. Just because he didn't use his power on you doesn't mean you weren't just as controlled. He probably got some perverse thrill in knowing he could control you in other ways. It's not your fault!"

She looks at Alice and reveals a truth I'd never guessed. "He knew we couldn't use our powers if we were controlled. He controlled everyone at first, but then he gained leverage against them if he wanted to use their supernatural abilities. It took me a while to realize that Arianna and I were both kept, to insure our fathers did as they were told. He needed Papa to unite everyone, and Aro because of his mind reading, and because Volterra is his. They thought we were safe and being cared for. Instead we were being tortured."

The solace I'd felt in knowing Joham never got to use my daughter in such a way has been ripped away from me. I care about this girl. I hurt for her, and I'm horrified over what's been done to her. I know I would fight for her like a mother bear. Carlisle's words come back to me, and I feel that she _is _my daughter, though not by birth – by choice. I wonder if he felt the same way about Edward when he changed him. I can suddenly understand the longing to take him away from his pain, loss and suffering.

"It's okay baby, I'm here." I whisper my words into her ear. "He can't hurt you anymore... I won't let anyone hurt you again. It's over now honey, you're safe." I kiss her cheek and hold her tight.

**A/N: I know everyone misses Carlisle. Have patience, he returns soon. **

**I'm only one chapter ahead now, and we're heading into the crazy holiday season. I'll try to keep the Thursday update schedule, but I can't promise. Thanks to everyone who's reading, and especially those of you who review. **


	24. Chapter 24 Death of Dora

Chapter 24

Death of Dora

I meet Alice's eyes over her shoulder and she just shakes her head as Yanna trembles and clings to me. It's a long while before she pulls herself together. When she's calmer, our eyes meet. I don't look away, and for long moments we stare at one another, open and vulnerable. I can feel our wordless connection, just as I did when I first gazed at Renesmee. She hugs me tight again, and I feel her warm cheek against mine.

She sits up on the edge of the bed beside me, and straightens her clothes, looking shyly at us. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be a burden. I want to help. I want to make Volterra great again." She smiles sadly. "But it's going to have to change. Your family has brought that change, and Aro is too foolish to recognize what's needed." We all nod in agreement.

"Oh, I almost forgot to give you this." Alice hands me a folder. "It's that stuff you printed out on the computer yesterday." She sits in the chair near us.

I glance at the papers. I'm not sure she's ready for it, but I'm not going to hide the truth from her.

"Yanna, I have some information on your birth family, if you want to see it." Her eyes meet mine, and I smile, knowing right where her mind has gone. "No, I'm not trying to get rid of you." I put my arm around her reassuringly. "This is your birth mother. She looks a lot like you." I hand her the photo of the smiling blond. Her hands tremble as she looks at the face. "Your mother had two older brothers and a little sister, which means you have uncles and an aunt. You've got grandparents, and cousins too. They never stopped looking for her. It's probably too soon, but in a few years, you'll be able to meet them and tell them you're her daughter. I'm sure we could put our heads together and come up with an acceptable story about what happened and how she died. I think they deserve to know."

She looks at all the photos as tears stream down her face. "I knew she died," she whispers. "I didn't want to believe it, so I created a fantasy where she just cut me loose and left. It's the only way I could love my mama and papa." Her voice hitches. "I just didn't expect she was so young and pretty. She wasn't some homeless drug addict... she had a life, and a family. It's not fair."

I squeeze her shoulders. "I know it's not fair. Nothing about what happened here in the past twelve years was fair. You know, my own mother used to tell me that _life _isn't fair, so we have to take whatever blessings we have and make the most of them."

She looks at the pages in her hands. "This has been a real gift. I'm glad I finally know the truth." I look at the few print outs, and an idea hits me.

"Alice, I need to get a computer and printer, with secure internet access – one that I can use for a little project." They're both looking at me, as I see a whole enterprise taking shape in my mind. "I need a list of all the vampires who are here, and lived through the war. I also need a list of the hybrids, and who fathered them." I look at them both excitedly.

"I want to start a database for the hybrids. I need to talk to everyone who lived here the last ten to twelve years, and see what they can remember about the human mothers. Vampires don't forget – we should be able to learn a lot, just by talking to them. I want to do something like Spielberg's Shoah Foundation, where Holocaust survivors told their stories, so they weren't lost. Only I want to do it for the hybrids." I can barely contain my excitement.

"I want to see what we can do to connect them with their history, and their extended families. Even if their mothers were prostitutes and drug addicts, they were someone's child once, and these kids deserve to know. When I was looking through the missing person's reports, I was shocked at how many there were. I'm sure some wound up as food, but some could have left children behind."

"I can get you the computer... but I don't know how to make them talk to you."

"I can help with that." Yanna smiles wickedly.

""No, I don't need puppets."

"I wasn't talking about compelling them. I was talking about the old Volturi law; specifically, chapter fifty-two, article five-b, subsection c." At our blank looks she giggles. "There are only fifty chapters of law, but most haven't read it, and are as intimidated by it as Americans are by the Internal Revenue Service." She shrugs. "I think a lot of people would want to help, but they don't want to be _seen _as helpful. Everything within these walls is political, and appearances are important. They won't help you voluntarily, but you can give them a plausible excuse, and they'll cooperate fully. "

"I'm glad she's on our side." Alice marvels appreciatively. "Since I don't have much to do before the meeting, I'll go and get that computer for you. How about we set it up in it's own room, so we can eventually make it a place where the hybrids can look up things, and the rest of us can add in our notes."

"That's all well and good, but maybe it would be better as it's own website." Again Yanna suggests a better and simpler way to do things.

"Will you help us?" I ask her because I want a fresh way of looking at things, but I also want her involvement.

"Sure, if you think I can help." She looks suddenly unsure, and I roll my eyes. For someone so bright and beautiful, she has a terrible opinion of herself. I remember how it took me many years of Edward's loving affirmation, before I felt comfortable in my own skin. I can't imagine how much harder it is for her, since she's had so much trauma in her young life.

It doesn't take long for Alice to come up with a computer, and we get to work on the website. Yanna is great with the technology, and in a few hours we've got it set up, and it's ready to receive information. I take her to the cafe for breakfast, and I don't have to force her to eat.

As she's finishing up, I feel as if we're being watched. I turn to see Arianna and Armando staring at us. Without warning, I get up and go to them, leaving Yanna to watch in horror as I sit down at their table.

"Good morning. Are you two okay after what happened?" Arianna looks from me to Yanna and back again. I see Armando take her hand, as he's obviously read her mind.

"How can you sit with her like nothing happened?" Arianna clearly looks shaken. Do you know what she did?" Her big brown eyes shimmer with tears.

"I know she made mistakes. And I know she's very sorry for what happened." I try to explain.

"She's not sorry enough!" She snarls, as her lovely face twists in rage. "She... she helped him!" Armando looks just as angry, as he's getting her thoughts second-hand. I shield her mind.

"She helped him because she had no choice. He was going to make her watch her father murder her mother, if she didn't do what he wanted."

"At least she had a mother – I had no one!" She stands, and her chair tips and falls noisily against the marble floor. She's on the verge of hysterics. "She... They... He did things to me... horrible things... and she watched! I begged her to stop him, and she... she turned away and let him use me!" She's shaking, and tears smear her face.

"Arianna, please..." I try to put my arms around her, but she backs away from me, and the chair legs try to trip her up.

"No! You saved her, when you should have let her die!" She looks past me to the tiny blond watching in stunned silence. Arianna's face becomes a mask of angry determination. She quickly strides past me, and before I realize what she has in mind, she charges Yanna. She leaps like a lioness, and knocks her to the floor, and fastens her hands around her throat.

"Die you treacherous bitch!" She slams Yanna's head hard against the floor, before I can take hold of her and haul her kicking and screaming off of her. She's still putting up a fight, when I yell for Armando's help.

"Come on Armando, give me a hand here!" His sister is fighting for all she's worth to be free, and I can't get to Yanna, who's still on the floor. He doesn't take Arianna off my hands like I expect, but instead checks Yanna.

"She's bleeding... oh my god, there's a _lot _of blood here. What the hell did you do, Ari?" I release her as the fight goes out of her, and rush to Yanna. She's staring blankly, then her eyes roll back and fall closed. I'm afraid she's suffered a head injury, along with the wounds on her neck being reopened.

"No, no, no... this can't be happening. Yanna, come on baby, look at me!" Once again I find myself rushing her back to the clinic, though this time I don't wait for help. I'm surprised to find Armando at my side, as I carry her. I barely have time to notice he's helping to clear the way for me.

The doctor at the clinic looks at me with accusing eyes. I don't even care, I just want him to take care of her. Actually, what I really want, is for Carlisle to be there and take care of her. The doctor tries to make me leave the room, but I refuse. It's Armando who pulls me away from her so they can work on her.

In the familiar chairs in the hallway, I can't stop remembering the attack and the sound of her head hitting the stone. I promised her I wouldn't let anyone hurt her again, and I failed her.

It feels strange to feel his arm around my shoulders. He smells like cigarettes, but he's warm, and he's obviously making an effort to comfort me. "Ari didn't mean to hurt her so bad. She wanted to fight with her, not kill her."

"I know. Maybe you should go back to your sister." I just don't have it in me to feel sympathy for her right now.

"I've been reading Ari's mind for a while. I know what was done to her – I can't block her thoughts. But when you shielded her mind, I took a look at Dora's mind. She makes Ari's memories pale in comparison. She was with him for _years_! He was an evil fucktard! He beat her, and raped her, and got off on shredding her dignity. Ari was just another kick in the teeth for her." He looks at me with sad eyes.

"When my sister attacked her, she could have stopped her. You weren't shielding her, and she could have used her power on any of us. But she didn't. She knew Ari was going to hurt her, and she let it happen. She doesn't want to die anymore, but she feels she _deserves _to die, if it will bring Ari some peace." He's quiet for a long moment. "Ari really hurt her... I could hear it in my head."

I don't have it in me to answer him, and we sit in uncomfortable silence.

The doctor comes out and stands over us. His face is somber, and he looks at me for a long moment before speaking. "We've done all we can for her, and I don't think it's going to be enough." He shakes his head sadly. "I don't understand, hybrids are supposed to be much more resilient than she seems to be. She's in a coma, and there's bleeding in her brain. If the swelling gets any worse, she'll need an operation to relieve the pressure. It just doesn't make sense! It's like her human side is asserting itself. It's been my experience that hybrids could easily shake off this kind of injury."

"What about all of her earlier injuries? Maybe she wasn't fully recovered, and that's having an effect on her now." I feel horrible guilt at taking her home before her release.

"It's possible. But even those earlier injuries were out of line with what is typical for hybrids."

"So she's been hurt a lot worse than we thought?" I can't quite understand what he's trying to say.

"That's what I'm trying to tell you. From what you've told me happened to her, she shouldn't be here! Hybrids are practically vampire tough. The damage from your counter attack, and the guard's rough treatment shouldn't have been noticeable. The razor cuts to her neck should have begun to heal even before we got her to the clinic, and now, the hit on the back of the head... maybe she would have had a headache. There's something happening with this girl that just isn't right."

"What if she needs the surgery?" I look at the young Italian, and wish I could feel more confidence in him.

He sighs. "I"m not a brain surgeon. There's no one in Volterra who's qualified to operate on her."

"I could take her someplace else... a hospital in a bigger city..."

He looks nervous. "The law forbids..." His voice wavers as I glare at him. I hear his human heart pounding in his chest.

"I'm not just going to stand around while she dies! Her father's the one who wrote the laws, I'm sure he wouldn't allow his only child to die because of them! I need a loophole..."

"You need Doctor Cullen." He voices the one thing I've been trying not to say.

"I know! But right now, he's in Canada, and we're here." I look at his alarmed face. "Do what you can for her. But I also want you to look up the best brain surgeon in the area. I want their name and address, as well as two alternatives." He looks at me like _I'm _the one with the brain injury, then hurries off to do what I've told him to do.

I remember Armando is still there, and he's staring at me as if in awe. "You really want to save her?"

"Of course I want to save her, I care about her." I say the words, hearing their hollowness. I don't just care about her, I love her. She's mine, even though I didn't give birth to her or raise her.

I don't expect him to speak, but his words hold my attention. "There's something wrong with her... Ari knew, but I think she buried it. She bleeds more than normal. Joham almost killed her when he fed from her and tried to change her. He did the exact same thing to Ari, and she didn't have any problem, but Dora almost died. She bruises easily too; well, easily for a hybrid that is. His beatings would leave horrible marks on her."

It all clicks. "Oh my god! I didn't even think it mattered..." I remembered the information I'd found on her birth mother and family. Yanna's mother's sister had died from complications from a blood disorder. I rushed into the room, startling the doctor.

"She may have von Willebrand disease!" He looks confused. "Look it up, it's a genetic bleeding disorder first discovered in Sweden and Finland. Her great aunt died with it. I know hybrids are supposed to be better than human, and vampire tough, but they also have traits of _both _parents. If her mother Yanna had it, she could have passed it to her daughter!" He was already scrambling, using his computer to search for medical information on the disorder.

"It does fit, but there are a lot of tests that need to be done to prove it, and to figure outhow serious it is. There are some drugs and treatments that may help... I'll order them, but she still may need surgery." He doesn't look my way; completely absorbed by his medical database.

I sit down beside her and take her hand. He's got an I.V. in her arm, once again giving her blood.

"Would a feeding tube work?" My words startle him away from his search. "I mean if they recover better by ingesting the blood... couldn't you put it right into her stomach?"

"It might... that just might work!" He begins going through the cupboards, obviously looking for the supplies.

"How can I help, what would it look like?" He describes the kit he's searching for, and I help him out. I wonder where his assistants are, but considering how they treated her last time she was here, I don't miss them. I try to imagine where Carlisle would have stored feeding tubes... and find it near the case of dietary supplement in a lower cabinet. "Is this it?"

"Yes!" He washes his hands and puts on clean gloves, and then looks at me. "I could use your help." He explains how the tube will go through her nose, down her esophagus, and into her stomach. I watch as he sterilizes everything, and slowly inserts the tube and tapes it to her nose.. He seems capable as he attaches a pouch of blood to the tube, and we both watch as the red fluid snakes through the tube and disappears through her nose.

I hope for a miracle that doesn't come. I sit down and just watch and wait. Armando comes in and lets me know he's leaving, and I nod as he pats my shoulder. I hold her hand and talk to her.

When Alice shows up she's already heard all about it. She thankfully brings me a change of clothes, and waits while I change into the new outfit – it's nice that she's coming back to her old self. She actually has some good news about the council meeting, which is a welcome distraction. It seems that since I've been so busy, they were able to have Nahuel attend the meeting remotely.

"It's just like what we hope to accomplish! Some day we'll be able to have everyone linked together, so we won't even have to be in the same country. We won't be tied to Volterra, and we can finally live our lives!"

"Alice?" An idea has been bothering me since I watched all of her stress in arranging the meetings. "Why is there only one alternate? I mean, shouldn't each seat have an alternate, ready to step in when the member can't do it, for whatever reason? And also, why isn't there a schedule for meetings, or at least someone else in charge of arranging them? It would have made these past few days a lot easier if those two things were different."

"Those are valid points. I'll bring them up at the next meeting." She loses her serious look then, and hugs me.

We both stare at my girl for about twenty minutes of silence. I turn to her, afraid to ask. "Can you sense her future?"

She looks at me with a frown. "It's still not clear. It's all about decisions, remember? You're doing good Bella." She was quiet a moment longer. "Have you decided what you want to do about Arianna? There were plenty of witnesses, and if you want her arrested, you're within your rights... since Yannadora is technically your property."

I groan. "It's got to stop, Alice. How can I hold it against Arianna when she's been through so much herself? I'm sick to death of the law, and trying to find loopholes to save a girl's life. I'm tired of everyone playing by all the old rules and trying so hard to gain a little power and a little favor, rather than just just trying to do what's right for a change!"

"I couldn't have said it better myself." We're both startled to see Aro step into the room. The doctor steps out, looking nervous, and Aro saunters over to the other side of her bed. He glances up at the pouch of blood draining into her nose. "Interesting."

"Why are you here, Aro?" My voice sounds tired. Alice reaches out and takes my hand. I'm not sure if it's to comfort her or me, but I clutch it gratefully.

"I have a proposal for you. I don't want my daughter to have to face charges for this attack. If you're willing to let this matter drop, then I'm willing to stop hunting for Jasper, and I won't seek any judgment against him. I just want him gone... from Volterra... from Italy... from my eternal sight!" He snarls this last bit.

"Aren't you ready to admit that you're taking out your anger at Joham on Jasper?" I try to keep my voice down.

"I am entitled to be angry with the captain! I am entitled to see his dead eyes staring from the flames! He used my daughter against me!" He makes a visible effort to calm himself. "Do you accept my terms?"

I look at my girl, lying still and unconscious. I still don't know if she's going to live or die. "Look at her, Aro." He reluctantly looks down at the tiny blond. "Her brain is bleeding. Arianna did this to her." I meet his eyes. "I'm _entitled _to be angry, and I'm _entitled_ to see Arianna's 'dead eyes staring from the flames.' But what does that gain any of us? We're all entitled to our pound of flesh from Joham, but that's not going to happen."

I let go of Alice's hand as I stand. "I haven't even been here a week, and already I'm weary of the fighting. We're wearing ourselves out trying to fix all the problems here. It can't continue like this, or it's all going to fall apart." I meet his eyes. "Volterra needs to start healing, Aro. You need to lead them there... they look up to you."

He looks suddenly angry and belligerent. "They look up to Carlisle!" The venomous way he says his name shocks me. "I have made you my offer in good faith. What say you?"

I sigh and sit back down. I rest my head in my hand for a moment, then look at his angry face. "If they look up to Carlisle, it's because he's leading them in the direction they want to go. He's leading them toward peace and reconciliation. You're fighting to hold on to a Volterra Joham already fed to the flames." I shake my head sadly.

I look down at the girl in the bed. "Look at her... isn't she pretty... just like a broken china doll." I meet his eyes, feeling a sudden resolve. "Dora of Volterra is dead." I make the pronouncement with the weight of the law on my side. "This is Yanna Dora Cullen... my daughter." I hear Alice's small gasp. "Whether my daughter lives or dies, I have no intention of seeking to blame or punish Arianna. These girls have suffered enough."

Alice takes my hand again, and Aro heads for the door. I stop him with my words. "I have no control over Jasper. I don't know where he is, and it's not up to me to make any deals on his behalf. But maybe you should think long and hard, before you put Volterra through one more conflict." He leaves without a word.

Alice hugs me once we're alone. "Your daughter? Bella are you sure that's what you want?"

"She suffered everything he would have done to Renesmee... she needs me." That's not all there is to it, but it's all I want to explain to Alice right now." She stays with me a couple hours as we talk about how best to implement some of my suggestions. Then she needs to go take care of more council business.

As the hours pass, there's no change in Yanna's condition. Her brain is dangerously swollen, and though the bleeding has slowed, it still hasn't stopped. The doctor continues to fret over what he should do. I hold her hand and talk to her. The drugs for her bleeding condition arrive, and the doctor begins to add them to her I.V., which is no longer a blood transfusion.

I'm still keeping my vigil in the small hours of the morning, when the doctor has gone to his apartment to sleep. He's found a nurse to keep watch with me, but the man is more interested in his book, than guarding his patient. I feel so alone, and I take out my phone and dial the first number. I want to hear his voice – need to hear his voice. But the call clicks over to voice mail and his recorded words gently tell me to leave my name, number, and a short message. I wonder if he's hunting or on one of his nature walks. I wonder if he's with a patient. And there's a small, insecure part of me that wonders if he's with Colette. I banish the image from my mind. He promised he wouldn't do that to me, and I have to believe him.

I miss him.

As I think about him, it comes as a shock how quickly I've come to feel this way about him. He's not Edward. "Edward is dead." I whisper the words in the quiet room. I wait for the grief to shred through me. Instead there's just a deep sadness at the truth. "I love you Edward. But you're dead, and you're never coming back, and I need to go on without you."

The nurse attendant glances over at me and gives a perfunctory smile. He may have thought he heard something. I feel like I've finally let go of the all the possibility we should have had. It's never going to happen, because my husband Edward is dead. There's no amount of grief that can change that fact. I smile to myself as I feel the doors of my heart have been opened. I've got room in my life now for such romantic sentiments.

I've got room in my life now for Carlisle. That's what it's about, not my heart, but my _life_! Edward is forever in my heart, but Carlisle is in my heart_ and _my life. I think that's what he's been trying to tell me all along. I have a life to live, and he wants to share it. I want that now, more than anything.

"Yanna honey, you've got to get better sweetheart. We've got a lot of living ahead of us." It seems strange that she looks perfectly normal while so much is wrong. She has a bandage on the back of her head, but except for the feeding tube, she just looks like she's sleeping. I'm grateful she's breathing on her own, but it bothers me that her heart is beating so slowly.

It's just a little after five A. M. when everything seems to go crazy. Three men in white coats step into the room and they begin to work with her. One checks her chart, one gathers up the medications on the bedside table, and one begins to shut down the feeding tube.

"What's going on? What are you doing?" They're all human, but they don't seem to take any special notice of me. The one with the chart glances at me and answers.

"We're getting ready to move her."

"Move her? What do you mean... where do you think you're taking her?" I feel like an overprotective mother – an overprotective mother _bear_! I'm about ready to attack them for what they're doing.

"It's her doctor's orders. We're taking her to ospidale. There's an ambulance waiting." The other two transfer her easily from the bed, onto a rolling gurney, and they're moving her from the room. "Please Miss, we don't have time to waste." He turns to follow them. I trail along behind them helplessly as they race her to the elevator. I don't understand what motivated the doctor to change his mind, but I'm not letting them take her without me.

There's not enough room in the elevator for me, unless I want to stand too close to one of the human men. I race for the stairs and easily beat the elevator to the first floor. When the doors open, they wheel her into the quiet lobby. I'm trying to look for her doctor, but there's no sign of the young Italian.

I look out the door and see the ambulance parked outside. Alice comes through the door, and I feel a moment of reassurance as the men wheel Yanna past her and toward the doors. Then I catch my breath and stare. The doors open, and he comes striding through, freezing me.

Carlisle is here!

He stops the gurney before it passes him, and gives a cursory look at his patient. Then he looks my way and smiles. I fly across the lobby and fling myself into his arms. I want to cover him in kisses, and cling to him, but he's trying to hold me at arms length. I feel his kiss on my cheek before he whispers in my ear. "Not now love, let's take care of our girl first."

Our girl? My eyes follow Yanna as they wheel her through the doors. I meet his eyes and a thousand questions are answered in his gaze. His hands cradle my face and he kisses me softly.

"Let's go, I've got an operating room reserved for six." He takes my hand and leads me through the doors. I try to follow the gurney to the ambulance, but he pulls me toward the car parked behind it. "They know what they're doing, Bella. I told them not to disturb her with tests or monitors. If she wakes up they'll let me know." He helps me into the passenger seat of the black sedan, and we follow the ambulance as it pulls away.

"How did you get here so fast?" I can't take my eyes off of him.

"After I talked to you last, I wrapped up everything I could. I had scheduled a flight out for the next day. But Alice called and told me you were going to need me. She already had the jet waiting for me."

"She didn't tell me! Why does she keep so many secrets from me?" I feel the bite of anger towards her. She sat with me last night as I worried, knowing he was on his way. She had to have sent for him even before Yanna got hurt.

"She was afraid to scare you." He reaches for my hand. "At first she thought I was coming back for Dora's funeral. She didn't want you to know. But you figured out what might be wrong with her, and I think I can save her... if we're not too late." I feel cold dread squeezing my chest. "Just stay calm darling, I'm here."

"I missed you so much," I whisper, and he kisses my fingers.

"I missed you too, love." I can detect the faintest of British accents when he says the words.

I want to ask him dozens of questions, but it just doesn't seem right. He's here, and that's all that matters.

**A/N: Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate it. Thanks to all of you who reviewed last chapter. I've been so busy I haven't had time to respond as you deserve. **


	25. Chapter 25 Healing

Chapter 25

Healing

At the hospital he asks me to park the car for him, so he can attend to Yanna right away. He recommends I wait for him in the surgical waiting room, so that I won't be as likely to find myself in the presence of a bleeding patient. I hate being separated from him, but there's no other way, since the rules of Volterra don't apply here.

In the hospital, among humans, I have to remember to be careful how I move. I'm nervous as I occupy the surgical waiting room. When the clock strikes six I feel anxious, knowing Carlisle is going to be operating on someone very dear to me. I know he's a talented surgeon, but Yanna is different from any other patient he's ever treated.

I slowly pace the room, noting the two other families waiting, while I'm alone. They sip free coffee, while I try to block out all the hospital smells. Even in the waiting room, I can smell blood. It's like the building is steeped in it, and even the odor of disinfectant can't block it out. I leave the waiting room and head outside the hospital.

It's not the odors that make me leave, but an oversight. The hospital doesn't allow cell phone use inside. Once outside, I take out the phone and call Alice. She immediately apologizes for the secrets, and for not being with me as I wait.

"I'm sorry Bella, I just can't. Hospitals just... they remind me too much of a bad time in my life. Even if there weren't sick and bleeding people all over the place... I'm sorry."

"Alice, Sabrina should be here. I must have overlooked her in all the supernatural confusion, but Yanna would want her here."

"I hate to tell you this, but Sabrina doesn't want to be there. She's been pretty overwhelmed with all the drama that's surrounded her this week."

"But they're a couple... doesn't she care what happens?" Just as I'm thinking about how uncaring it seems, I recall that I wasn't there when Ness gave birth.

"That's just it... they were still in the early stages of their relationship when it all hit the fan. She doesn't like being locked up and guarded, and she didn't bargain for a lover who needs brain surgery. I think she's calling it quits. I went by to talk to her after you left, and she seems to be writing her off."

I groan into the phone. "That's awful. Thanks for trying." I worry about how Yanna will take the news. "Do you want me to call and let you know how things go, or do you already know?"

"Call me. Bella, if you _really _need me, I'll come."

"That's okay. Carlisle's here." We say our goodbyes, and I walk back inside the hospital to wait. I have no idea how long the surgery will take. I'm sure brain surgery is complicated and delicate, but I know Carlisle can move with more speed and precision than normal human surgeons.

I think I'll go crazy if I have to just sit and watch the clock. I decide to go outside and call Nessie. I'm on my way out, through the main lobby, when they come through the doors. I smell them before I see them, and I freeze.

Blood – lots of blood.

My eyes zero in on the pair, as the woman who's clearly his mother, guides a boy of about eight to the desk. The dishtowel wrapped around his hand is inadequate to staunch the bleeding, and they leave a trail from the door to the desk. Twelve little drops of forbidden fruit hit the floor, leading to the tree of life I'm not permitted to eat from. I stare, holding my breath.

I see the worry on the mother's face, and listen to her explanation of what happened. I hear the little whimpers of the child as he tries to put on a brave front. I also hear the sound of the blood, as it moves through his body, and escapes through the slice in his hand. He was trying to cut up an apple for his school lunch, and his hand slipped. And now I'm staring at him, and dreaming about how lovely that blood would taste on my tongue.

I watch as a nurse comes around to check him – maybe to determine how badly he's hurt. As she removes the towel, his mother glimpses the gash, and does something I'm all too familiar with. She faints. And just like that, I catch her before she hits the floor. The nurse hadn't seen me as she was so intent on dealing with the boy, but I'm suddenly just a foot away from a bleeding wound. I stare, then force myself to look at his face.

The boy looks at me with wide, terrified eyes, and I remember I've had human blood recently enough to still have a red tinge to my eyes. I force a smile, and hope it doesn't look like a grimace.

"It's going to be okay, she just passed out at the sight of blood..." Unfortunately, talking forces me to breathe. I swallow several times, and fight my very nature to keep from attacking him, his mother, the nurse, and anyone else with a beating heart. I remember how terrified I'd been in the face of James and his coven. I remember the feral look in Jasper's eyes on my birthday. I remember the red-eyed vampires of Volterra before the fall. And I remember that I've already resisted Nessie's blood and Yanna's blood.

I. Will. Not. Fail!

"I know it's scary, but your mom will wake up soon. I used to do the same thing until I got used to it." I try to reassure the boy. I hear his heartbeat slow, and know he's calmer Another nurse provides a pillow, and I carefully lay his mother down and prop her feet. As the nurse leads the boy back to the exam rooms, he looks over his shoulder and stares at me.

"It's a good thing you were here, or she could have hit her head pretty hard on the floor." The nurse's appreciation is all but lost on me. The urge to chase the boy and pounce passes slowly. The mother is coming around, and the nurse has taken charge. I can feel the blood on my hands, and I don't even know how it got there. I resist the temptation to lick my fingers, and instead head for the bathroom to wash them.

I don't feel like talking now, and I head back up to the waiting room. I can't believe I didn't hurt them. One little paper cut was all it took to send Jasper into a frenzy over my blood. James had managed to bite me, and then let me go. And Carlisle is able to be in and around blood all the time and not lose control. It's like there were so many different ways to respond, and the frenzy wasn't guaranteed. I knew I had better than average control, but I'd never really tested myself, since the cost of failure is too high.

I was definitely tempted, but I just knew I wouldn't attack them. I remember Carlisle thought that James' bite had given me a bit of a vaccination against the effects of the venom, and I think he's right. But as I stood there looking at the boy, I knew for a fact that I had a choice. It was a tough choice, but once I made it, I felt my resistance strengthen.

I finally know how Edward felt being around me when I was human... at least a little. It must have felt like being next to someone with a bleeding wound that never closed. I wish I could tell him I have a new appreciation for his restraint. It would probably be like me trying to hold that child's hand, rock him to sleep or give him a kiss goodnight. Edward did it all the time, and I know Carlisle can do it too.

There's no one to tell, but I make myself a promise, indeed I make all of humanity a promise. I'm never going to drink human blood – unless it's the donated stuff. Never. There's no such thing as "slipping." I'm not going to rebel against this choice, and I'm not going to be the one to decide who deserves to live and who deserves to die.

I had to smile. I knew that wasn't entirely true. I would still gladly end Joham if given the chance. The same is true of anyone else who willfully threatens my family.

The waiting room is empty, and I sit and wait. Intentionally I face away from the clock, but I can feel time passing, even if I couldn't hear the ticking – which I can. By noon, I'm still and quiet as the furniture. I hear the click and swoosh of the door and turn expectantly. It's him.

I stand inhumanly fast and rush to him. His face gives nothing away, and he gathers me into his arms and holds me tight. His words are too quiet for human ears to hear.

"I've done all I can for her, and she came through the surgery well. I've stopped the bleeding, and I've done what's called a hemicraniectomy, where I've removed part of the bone surrounding her brain, until the swelling goes down. I'll have to do a second surgery when that happens, but it prevents further injury."

"Is she going to be okay?" I'm afraid to ask.

"I can't say yet. It's really hard to tell with brain injury." He presses his cheek against the top of my head. "She's a hybrid, so I'm hopeful her healing will compensate for the damage." He pulls away and looks me in the eyes. "How in the world did you figure out she had von Willebrand disease? I rushed the tests, and it's definite."

"I looked up her birth family on the internet, and a newspaper did an interview with her birth mother's mom. She was heartbroken over the disappearance of her daughter, and told the reporter her sister had died the year before because of internal bleeding from von Willebrand disease. I was good in Biology, and we had to do research on different diseases and how likely they were to be passed on from parent to child. I remembered von Willebrand could be passed on even if only one parent carried it. It also wasn't sex specific, like hemophilia."

I look up at him with a smile. "I had a minor fascination with blood. I bruised so easily I thought maybe I had something wrong with me, and of course I got dizzy around even a little blood. I was trying to figure out how likely it was for someone in one of my classes to hit a real gusher and knock me unconscious."

He laughs softly. "Neither hemophilia nor von Willebrand mean they would bleed faster, just longer. It's why I had to operate to close off the bleeding injuries." He shakes his head. "I've been working with the hybrids for two years, and I've never seen one who carried over a human frailty like this. It just doesn't make sense."

"She was born before Joham came to Volterra. She's Caius' daughter."

"I knew that much. In fact I can see the resemblance to her father."

"Because she wasn't related to him, Joham took her as his mistress – if you could call it that – sex slave is more correct." He just stares at me in shock. "He tried to get her pregnant, but she couldn't conceive. Then he tried to change her, through several different experiments. He tortured her for two years – her and then later Arianna. They were the children of the leaders, and he used them for leverage against their fathers." His face reflects the horror of the story, then he pulls me close and holds me tight.

"She's lucky to have you in her corner. We'll get her through this."

"Do you really mean _we_?" I meet his eyes.

It's the first real smile I've seen since he arrived, and it warms me just to see it. "Yes I mean we." He caresses my face, and his fingers comb through my hair. "Alice told me you've all but adopted her. If she's important to you, then she matters to me too. I want to be with you, Bella."

His simple words steal my breath. I want a perfect moment, and a romantic location, but I just can't wait.

"I love you, Carlisle."

I watch the emotions play over his face: Disbelief, surprise, happiness, and finally – finally love. Then he's holding me so tight, and I cling to him, as he covers my face in kisses. Our mouths meet, and enjoy all the freedom of two people in love. I drink him in, barely mindful that we're in a public place.

He pulls away abruptly and takes his phone from his pocket. He looks at me apologetically. "I have to go..." He doesn't fill me in, but leaves in a hurry. I'm standing in the waiting room, aching for his presence, and the information he didn't share.

I wander to a chair and sit down to wait again. Another hour passes, and a young girl with a volunteer badge comes to tell me that my sister had to go back into surgery. My_ sister? _ I wasn't aware that she'd been checked in like that, but I can't exactly call her my daughter when we both look the same age. I appreciate Carlisle's quick thinking, since it gives me status as her relative. Still, I'm worried that she had an emergency that took him away from me.

The volunteer has left me to my thoughts, and it surprises me that I don't notice him until he puts his hand on my shoulder. I turn and see his blond hair and golden eyes. My hope dies as fast as it blooms. It's Jasper.

He wraps me in his arms and holds me close. "It's going to be okay Bella." His soft drawl is welcome music to my ears.

"What are you doing here? If Aro or the guard find you here..." His laughter stops me.

"This is a hospital. They couldn't show their faces here, unless they were ready to start a bloodbath. I'm safer here than anyplace else."

I look at him, and remember his particular sensitivity. "But what about... should _you _be here?" I'm suddenly worried about every patient in the place.

His sad smile breaks my heart. "I admit the place smells like a slaughterhouse to me. But I've come a long way since I tried to feed on you all those years ago. I'll never be as good as Carlisle, but I'm a damn sight better than Aro! I haven't fed from a human, since before we left Forks to try to save your life."

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to be so suspicious." I look at his concerned face. "What are you doing here?"

"Alice thought you might need me – for emotional support." I pull away from him, suddenly shaking.

"Oh god, she's not going to make it, is she? Carlisle's not going to be able to save my girl!" I cant stand the thought that the poor abused child I've claimed as my own is dying, and no one can save her.

He puts his arms around me again. "Calm down Bella, that's not why I'm here. She hasn't seen the future, she just thought you might need someone to sit with you, for emotional support." Our eyes meet, and I know he's telling me the truth. He hugs me again as I sag into his arms. It feels good to have such supportive friends. I finally sit up and glance at the clock.

"Thanks. I'm trying not to worry, but I guess I'm not very good at it."

"She means a lot to you, doesn't she?" I silently nod, and he smiles. "You don't do anything halfway, do you Bella? I can already feel you love this girl like she's your own child.

"She's a child of my heart. I only wish I'd found her sooner." He looks at me as if something's bothering him. "What is it?"

He looks nervous. "Don't take this the wrong way... but you remind me a little of Esme. She didn't just take a bunch of us in like boarders, she adopted us like family. She may not have been able to have babies of her own, but we were all loved like we were her children. At this point, I'm not sure if Carlisle is attracted to that kind of woman, or if he inspires that kind of love – but you have it."

I feel a small stab of guilt. It's fading now that I know I couldn't have saved her, but I still feel like I'm stealing the life she lead. I want the man she loved.

Jasper takes my hand. "Whatever you're feeling guilty about, don't. Esme only wanted her family to be happy. You two are good for each other..." The sound of the door silences him. We both turn as Carlisle comes in. I feel a wave of worry and contrition from Jasper, as he stands to face the man who's been his father figure for so long. Carlisle hasn't seen Jasper since before the incident with Arianna.

They stare at one another, like the prodigal son returned to his father. Human eyes would have missed the subtle shift in Carlisle's demeanor, but I see the way he relaxes his guard and opens himself up; in a sense welcoming him back to the fold. Jasper drops his military stance and runs to him, flinging his arms around him tight. Human men would never hug like this unless they were lovers. It's as if walls between them have fallen, and I'm overwhelmed with the waves of joy and love flowing from Jasper. Cheeks are kissed and backs are patted before the two blond men separate.

They stand close, neither speaking, but Jasper's smile tells the story. I stand and approach, still afraid Carlisle has bad news for me. Jasper moves to face me, keeping his arm around Carlisle, as if he's reluctant to let him go. With his arm still around Jasper, Carlisle pulls me close in a three-way hug. I feel an emotional tide from Jasper, but it's nothing compared to the love I feel for Carlisle.

"I had to operate again." I feel my knees go weak, and both men hold me up. "I replaced the bone I'd removed from her skull, since the swelling in her brain went down. I had to move quick since her enhanced healing is beginning to take over." It finally hits me that it's good news, and I hold him tight, feeling relief and thanks.

"I'm still not sure how her recovery will go, but she's healing, and all of her life signs are good. I'm pretty sure at this point that she's going to live." It's enough for now. Jasper has let him go, and I feel his arms around me. Secure in his embrace, I meet his eyes. I can't say a word, so I pull his face closer and kiss him.

I melt into our kiss, and nothing else matters for long moments. Just him. His mouth, his lips, his warm scent, his hands gliding over my back, his body pressed against mine, his soft hair sifting through my fingers, his low moan and his tongue telling me our kissing is no longer innocent or chaste.

Jasper's throat clearing is an unwelcome intrusion. I need this man, can't he see that? But Carlisle breaks away and we stare at one another. I love how red his lips look from kissing, and his gaze of naked hunger makes me want to attack him.

"Shouldn't you go someplace more private if you want to... talk?" Jasper's crooked little smile communicates what he's thinking we really want to do, and he's right. Yanna's not going to die, and Carlisle is in my arms. Nothing else matters.

Carlisle speaks to both of us. "I've still got to keep an eye on her progress. We're keeping her in a medically induced coma so she can better heal. Because of her ability, I thought it would be better to keep her completely under." His eyes meet mine. "I do need to talk to you alone. They can reach me if they need me."

With his hand on the small of my back, he guides me from the room, leaving Jasper behind. I expect him to know where to find an empty room or office, but he leads me to the exit, and asks me where I parked. I'd left the car in a parking structure, and I'm embarrassed to discover I'd left the door unlocked in my rush.

"At least it's not mine, and it's still here." His smile warms me, but when he opens the door to the big back seat I catch my breath. In seconds we're sitting together in the quiet, dark space. I move to hug him, but he stops me. "Please darling... we need to talk."

I sit, still and nervous, and he takes my hand. "I've missed you, Bella – much more than I thought I would. I was afraid what I felt for you was merely infatuation, or physical desire. I confess, that's part of the reason I left without telling you. I needed to get away from you. You were invading my every thought, and even when I tried to put an end to what was happening between us, I couldn't."

"But you did. You did put an end to it, and you left me, and then you left Volterra."

"Did I really? Did you really feel like we were finished, or did you keep thinking about me? I couldn't just put you behind me. I was going through the motions, and functioning, but everything in me screamed that I'd made a terrible mistake. I had to fight not to go to you, and beg you to forgive me. When I saw you and Alice had made peace, I knew I'd misjudged you. Then everything blew up with Alice and Jasper, and I just didn't have a chance to talk to you."

"I'm sorry... I didn't want to talk to you. It hurt when you wrote me off so easily. I couldn't take one more disappointment."

"I am so sorry!" He pulls me to him, and holds me tight. "Bella, please forgive me. I promise I'll never turn my back on you again."

I pull away from him so I can look at his face in the dim light. "I did something... something you need to know..." He's still and quiet, and I wish for a distraction, or for a hole to open up and swallow me so I don't have to tell him. "I went to help Arianna like I told you. She was fine, but later Aro came home. We talked and he knew what Jasper had done, and that we'd lied and covered it up." I sigh, and bite my lip. "As we talked, he told me he wanted me to be his mate. He said he wanted to snatch me away from you, because you'd made a fool of him." I squirm uncomfortably in my seat.

"I was afraid he would find out. I needed to give Jasper as much of a lead on him as I could. I didn't think he'd try to use you to get to me; that's low even for Aro."

"I don't think that's the whole reason." I hate this. I want to be holding him and kissing him, and promising to love him forever, not telling him something that could drive a wedge between us. "After I left, I went to talk to Alice. She told me you'd gone, and I wanted to follow you... and tell you how I feel. She said if I left Volterra to be with you, Aro would kill Jasper. She begged me to stay. Aro had already admitted to being in love with her, but he also claimed he wanted me because he could read her love for Jasper, and he couldn't read me."

"Oh Bella, I'm so sorry I put you in that position." He tries again to pull me close, and I resist.

"I promised his children I would come back and shield their minds so they could sleep peacefully. While they slept, Ari and I talked. He... he told me some things he'd read from you and Edward. Then he tried to kiss me, and... I let him." I try to read his expression, but it's blank. "At first I just didn't want to fight and wake up his children. But then I thought that maybe I could try to feel something for him. I was afraid you'd gone away to be with Colette, and if I was with Aro, then at least Alice and Jasper would be safe."

"Did you enjoy it?" His voice is soft and emotionless.

"Yes." I hate to admit it, but I don't want to lie to him. "He's a very passionate man. The next day, he came to my room to talk, but he didn't talk. We kissed again, and he tried to go further, but I stopped him."

"Why?" I hate that I can't tell what he's thinking.

"I told him I didn't love him, and I couldn't be with someone I didn't love."

"How did he take it?" He's so calm, it scares me.

"He laughed and said love wasn't important. He said he would only quit pursuing me when you and I exchanged vows."

I hear his soft laughter from the shadows. "Aro is a fool. Love is the only thing that matters."

"Are you angry with me? Have I messed up what we had?" I don't like sounding so timid, but I'm afraid of his answer.

"No. It actually makes it easier to tell you of my own folly. I kissed Colette." I feel the air squeezed out of me. "We made our way straight to Denali from here. It's a long trip, and after several long flights, I rented a car to take us the final leg. I was caught up in thoughts of you, and I'd forgotten that she had needs for food and sleep, and when she complained, I stopped at a hotel. She begged me not to leave her alone in her own room, so we shared. She ate, and showered, and I'd given her the bed. I was planning on hunting while she slept." He fidgets in his seat.

"She wasn't ready to sleep, and we talked for a while. She wanted to know if you and I were a couple, and I had to admit that I didn't know. Then she told me she wanted me." He ran his fingers nervously through his hair, though I thought he'd rather be pacing. "I guess I knew how she felt, but she'd never told me in so many words. I tried to talk her out of her feelings, and tell her it was only infatuation." He gives a short laugh.

"Bella, Colette doesn't really love me. She's not even infatuated. She just thinks we could be good together. She told me she would be happy to have sex with me, and have my babies, but she didn't know if she could fall in love. Then she asked me to kiss her, and I did." He lets out a deep breath. "I had to see if there was any spark there. I wanted to know if we really could be good together. I needed to know if what I felt with you was real." It's my turn to ask.

"Did you enjoy it?" In my mind I beg him to say no.

"Yes. Colette's a very pretty girl. She's soft and warm, and she was quite enthusiastic. I won't lie, we kissed for a long time. I really wanted to feel something for her. But I couldn't."

"Why?" I can barely get the word out.

His voice is so solemn. "I couldn't feel anything for her Bella, because I'm in love with you." His declaration is almost enough to start my heart beating again. He loves me! He's _in _love with me! I feel laughter bubble up out of me, and I'm so happy it feels like a creature of pure joy has taken me over. In an instant I'm in his arms, kissing him breathlessly as he touches and holds me.

Time passes with nothing but the sounds of our mouths, wet and hungry against each other, and the faint susurrus of the fabric between us. He's the one to pull away, and I can hear him breathing hard.

My god Bella, I want you! But we can't do this here and now."

"Then when and where? I want you too, Carlisle."

"Why?" His question catches me off guard. Then I smile.

"I want you, because you're a beautiful, amazingly sexy man. I want you, because I know we'll be great together physically. But more importantly, we'll be great together afterward, with our clothes on. I love you, Carlisle. I'm _in love_ with you, and I want to be as close to you as two people can be. I want to undress you, and make love to you, and feel you inside me. And I want to hold you in my arms afterward and never let you go. I'm crazy about you, and I love you so much it hurts, and if you don't kiss me and shut me up, I'm going to..."

Then he does, and we're kissing with a passion Aro can't touch. His hands tear through my hair, and I squeeze him tight. It's crazy how badly I want him, and I'm about to begin tearing off clothes when I feel his hand on my breast. I arch into him and he gently squeezes. For a moment I envy Esme's larger size, then he banishes all thoughts when that hand slips inside my blouse, and bypasses my bra. His fingers on my bare breast makes me moan. I _need _him.

I move to straddle him in the seat, careful not to lose his delicious touch. I place my hand over his encouragingly. "Don't stop baby, please..." I whisper in his ear, before I take the lobe in my mouth and suck it.

"Bella please..." His voice is dripping with passion, and it rasps along my nerves, driving me crazy. I kiss his neck, licking and sucking like I could eat him. He clutches me to him and whispers my name repeatedly. When he pulls me away, I stare down at him, seeing the glass-like blackness of his hungry eyes, even in the diffuse light. "I love you, my beautiful Bella."

His hands clutch my hair, and he pulls my head back, forcing me to arch against him. Then one hand unfastens the buttons on my blouse, and he pushes it from my shoulders. He kisses between my breasts, then he tears my bra with his teeth and shoves it aside. I hear his gasp, as he takes in my half naked body. I feel my peaks harden in anticipation.

I cry out loudly as he puts his mouth on me. "I love you, Carlisle. I love you so much... please don't stop!" He feasts on me; lips, tongue, teeth, and hands, exploring, tasting, and inflaming me to a point where I can't even think. I'm desperate for him.

I slide closer to him, feeling my center rub up against his hardness. I feel him through our clothes. He's hard, and he's huge. I grind against him as he continues to lick and suck at my exposed flesh. I slide back and reach between us to unfasten his pants. I need to feel him, touch him, and take him into me. Boldly I slip my hand into his pants, and we both gasp. His smooth skin covers a plentiful hardness that makes me ache to feel him inside me.

"Oh god no, Bella...!" He moves quickly, setting me beside him and fastening his pants. He then stares at me hungrily before covering me with my blouse, and trying to work the buttons. "We can't do this! Not now... not like this! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to take advantage of you."

"You didn't take advantage. I love you, and I want to make love with you." I work my ruined bra out of my blouse through the sleeves, and he stares.

"I love you my darling Bella. But I don't just want to take you in the back seat of a car, in a public place. I want to be alone with you, and savor our time together – not rush through it in a frenzy.

"I don't care about all that – I want _you._ I love you, and we'll have lots of time to go slow. Carlisle, I just want you... _now_!"

"Marry me, Bella."

**A/N: I hope you've noticed I've put up my first chapter on my Aro outtake. As a couple have pointed out, it's not following cannon on a few points, but I'm claiming creative license and sticking by what I've written. I'm not sure, but I suspect the inaccuracies come from either Midnight Sun, or T.S.S.L.o. Bree Tanner. Strangely I've had no desire to read either of those works. **

**Also, I've been acting as one of four Beta's for Raum, an Italian writer on here. She's just started posting a story called: An Italian Winter (in English), and you should check it out. I've just read through the outline, and she's got an original story to tell. Musician Edward is in his rebellious phase, but his history is changed. Bella is a human, Italian literature teacher. Both have a painful past to confront. The first two chapters are up, and the story is finished, all but the Beta tweaks. **


	26. Chapter 26 Awakenings

Chapter 26

Awakenings

His words stop the speeding train I'm riding. A flood of memories washes through me, from my mom and dad's failed marriage, to Edward's proposal and all the conflict it brought. I remember too, that he's asked two other women before me, and both are dead. I love him, and want to make love with him. But marriage is an open invitation to pain. It's like a red cape, waving in front of an angry bull. From what I've seen, fate hates marriage, and the universe conspires against it.

"Bella...?" He pulls me to his side. "Are you okay, love?"

"I'm fine." I can't say more, without giving myself away.

"I love you, and I want to marry you. I can make my proposal a lot more romantic than this, but I need you to think about it. I want to do everything in the right order, and I'm sorry I got carried away. We can't let this happen again, until we're married."

"Why? Isn't it enough that we love each other? Why do we need marriage to mess that up? I mean if you want me to promise to love you forever, then I will. If you want me to proudly claim you as my mate, then I can do that. If you want to see me in an extravagant dress and celebrate with a party, then it's fine with me. But you need to tell me what's so great about marriage."

"You married Edward." His voice is subdued.

"I know – and you married Esme." I sigh in exasperation. "I'm not trying to make some kind of comparison or differentiation between you two. I love you, and I'm all in. But marriage just seems so... religious, and archaic, and outdated."

In the darkness he takes my hand, and our fingers lace together. "It's all those things. But they don't have to be negatives. _I _am religious, archaic and outdated. I still believe in the sanctity of marriage." He kisses my hand. "I love you, Isabella, Marie, Swan, Cullen. You are written on my heart forever. Nothing will change if we marry. But _everything _will change if we marry. For me, it's not about tradition and convention. I truly believe in the covenant – I need to believe. Love is between two people. I love you now, and I always will. But marriage is between three; you, me, and God."

I gasp at his description. I've heard so little of his religious convictions, this startles me. "Yes Bella, I do still believe in God. We've already felt the fire and brimstone of Hell; I have to believe that Heaven awaits us. I want to marry you, like a man, humbly before God. I don't just want to take you as a mate, like a vampire, beholden to no one. I believe love is a gift from God, and I want to stand before Him and marry you."

"Hold me... please." He pulls me against his chest and holds me tight. I've never heard anyone speak so passionately in favor of marriage – or God for that matter. He's much more complicated than I'd thought. I love him. Even his unshakable faith endears him to me. I snuggle against him, enjoying his scent, and the way his body feels against mine. I want to have him forever. "I need to think about it." I whisper against his neck. His arms tighten around me.

For at least an hour, we stay cuddled up in the back seat together. I've missed him so much, I'm reluctant to let him go.

"I think I need to get back and check on my patient." He pulls away from me.

"Wait." I haven't forgotten, but with so many other things to worry about, I've pushed aside my concerns about Yanna. "How do you feel about her? I mean Yanna."

He laughs softly. "She's too old to adopt. But I understand you want her to be a part of the family. I haven't had much chance to get to know her, but if it's what you want, I'll make every effort to welcome her."

"Is it that simple? Can you really just open your heart, your arms, and your family to someone you barely know like that?"

"Bella, everyone who's come into my life like this has been a blessing. You're a good judge of character, and if you love her, that's enough for me." He makes me so happy, I can't help but kiss his face. He turns and kisses me fully, holding me as our mouths meet. I love the way he kisses me, like he could just explore my mouth forever. His taste is intoxicating, like citrus with a hint of sandalwood. In moments I'm lost in him; existing only to kiss him.

He tears himself away from me, and I can tell it's just as difficult for him as it is for me. "I really do need to go and check on her. If I stay here, I'm quite certain I'll do something else indecent with you."

"Stay." I want indecent. I want him.

"Vixen!" He caresses my cheek. "Come on beautiful girl, let's get out of here." He opens the door and helps me out. Before we walk away, he helps me straighten my clothes. "I'm sorry about your bra."

"That's okay. It was a small price to pay for you to touch me – and taste me."

"Bella please... even your words tempt me."

"Good." I smile teasingly. "Just thinking about you makes me hunger to be close to you... intimately close."

He growls, and presses me against the car. He holds my face in his hands and kisses me so fiercely it's almost painful. He stops and stares at me like he would like nothing better than to take me here and now. I marvel at his restraint when he takes my hand instead and leads me from the garage.

I'm surprised Jasper is still waiting for our return. His eyes dart between us, and he smiles knowingly. Carlisle kisses my cheek before he goes to check on Yanna.

"I didn't think you'd wait. I thought it was hard being here... around all the blood." We sit in the hospital chairs, and his grin still hasn't faded.

"I've been in hiding for so long, even the presence of humans is preferable to being alone. I've been wandering around, trying to lift their spirits and calm their fears."

"It must be nice to have that affect on people."

He smiles mischievously. "What about the affect you have on a certain doctor? I swear, the heat between you two could send me up in flames."

"Tell me about it." I hear the frustration in my voice, and Jasper doesn't miss it.

"Something's wrong. What's got you troubled, darlin." He takes my hand.

"You know I love him Jasper. When we're together it's like I can't keep my hands off of him. I _want _him so much! But he's got the resistance of a mule, and he keeps stopping, just when I think we're going all the way. And then he tells me we can't make love until we're married!"

"I take it that's not what you want?"

"I want _him_! I don't care about a ceremony and a bunch of witnesses. I'm his. It doesn't matter to me if he puts a ring on my finger, as long as he puts his arms around me."

"What scares you so much about marriage? I mean from what I saw, it looked like you and Edward had a good marriage. If it wasn't bad, then what's the problem?"

I sit and stare at the floor. It was good with Edward – very good. While he was alive, I would have sang the praises of marriage at the top of my lungs. But not anymore.

"Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It's supposed to be forever." I look up and meet his eyes. "Did you know we used to laugh at the part of the ceremony that goes, 'til death do us part - I mean after I was changed'? We were already dead, and most definitely not parted. But it's not funny anymore... it's horrifying how easily those vows are broken. Over half of all marriages end in divorce and broken vows. And even though we didn't break a single oath, we couldn't have forever. Marriage is too fragile. It's a bunch of words and promises that are too easy to toss aside – how can it possibly have any meaning? If there's a god who demands such a ceremony, then why doesn't he force it to last? Why doesn't he make it a real bond?"

He turns his eyes away from mine. He's quiet for a long time, and his voice is soft when he answers. "You're right. It is too fragile. It is too easy to break the vows." He sighs, and I know he's thinking about Alice. "But that fragility is the very thing that gives it value. It's not like a contract where two people own one another. It's a bond entered into with free will, and love, and anticipation, and hope. When it's good, it's a beautiful thing. But even when it fails, it makes you – it makes _me_ – want to fix it. Some people choose to throw away what's broken. But that's a flaw in our basic human nature, not a flaw in marriage."

"I wish I had your optimism."

"Don't you trust that Carlisle would honor his vows?"

"That's not it. I trust Carlisle with all that I am. What I don't trust is... this crazy religious thing. I mean, Edward believed it too, and he talked all the time about souls and monsters, and eternal damnation. When I was pregnant, he didn't see himself as a husband and father, but as an incubus, who foisted his demon seed upon an innocent virgin!"

Jasper laughs. "Edward himself was an innocent virgin."

"Exactly! He didn't see himself clearly at all. His mind was so clouded by religious condemnation – and marriage comes from that very religion. I can't accept the notion that there are all these crazy rules and 'thou shalt nots' that some omnipotent being put in place. But Carlisle believes – and that scares me. I love and trust _him,_ but I don't trust his god."

"I take it you don't believe in God?" He looks surprised.

"I don't know. I didn't grow up that way, since Mom embraced many different religions and philosophies. Dad had a quiet faith, but he trusted his gun more. Edward believed, and he tried to explain why. Sometimes I followed his reasoning, and sometimes it just confused me. And now I have Carlisle again trying to sell me on Christian values. It's ridiculous!"

"I don't think so."

"Don't tell me you believe too."

He smiles radiantly. "I was in the church youth choir as a child. My mama would have blistered my backside if I missed Sunday School. It was a different time – a more innocent time." He sighs.

"But all that aside, I think there's a distinct difference between religion and faith. So many folks get caught up in religion, and arguing about who's right and who's wrong; that they forget about faith. Faith is what you believe in here." He taps my chest. "Faith is that connection we have with God, whether you believe in him or not. It's that connection that lets us know we're better than animals, and we're loved and never alone. Some people don't have much faith, and some people, like Carlisle, have enough to share."

"Guess which category I fall into." It bothers me that I've stumbled onto something that separates me from Carlisle.

Jasper laughs at my sour expression. "Bella, I used to be just like you. I grew up with religion, but Carlisle helped me to find true faith. I'm a killer – a murderer with hundreds of deaths on my soul. My religion tells me I'm bound for Hell, but my faith tells me even _I _can be forgiven. Carlisle gave me that hope – he's full of it. He was raised to believe in fire and brimstone and eternal damnation, and his faith gives him compassion and hope. If that's not evidence of God, then I don't know what is."

"But what about marriage? That's all about religion, isn't it?"

"Bella, there's a bit of magic that happens when you make those vows. Of all the things I've said and done in my long life, the one thing I never regretted was making a sacred oath to always love my wife. Even after what's happened recently, I would still do it all over again. You don't get that just from living together, or even from being in love. Marriage may be fragile, but it's real, and if you both know how to cherish it; it grows and becomes solid and holds you together even when the world would tear you apart. Then when you look back over the years, you can't imagine _not _being married."

I sit in silence and think about what he's said. It shouldn't be that difficult a decision since Edward was just as old-fashioned as Carlisle. I ask myself if I want to be with Carlisle, and I smile. As soon as I realized I loved him, it became impossible to contain. Like it's been growing stronger by the second, and now I can't imagine not having him. Of course I want to be with him. But can I be his wife?

That's always been Esme.

The thoughts of her hit me hard, and I feel my chest constrict. I think back over ten years worth of memories of a lovely woman who didn't deserve to die. I loved her. She was the kind of person everyone loved. She cooked for me when I was the only one who could eat. After I got married, she continued to cook for Charlie and send him casseroles and soups. She helped me with my personal needs when I carried Nessie, and she made sure Edward and I had a home of our own when we were newly married. She cared about people. She had a tender and loving heart. And she was the perfect complement to Carlisle.

I don't feel worthy to take her place. How can I stand beside him and let him call me his wife, when it should be her? It's one thing to be his mate, but being his _wife_ means stepping fully into her shoes. It opens me up for comparisons and criticisms, and I don't know if I'm ready for that.

It also means I'll have to explain it to everyone. Ness is going to have a fit. Colette won't be pleased either. My mom and dad... there's just no way they'll understand. Carlisle is supposed to be their age. Maybe Mom would be okay since age doesn't bother her, but never Charlie. We'd have to keep it secret.

"Bella, are you there?" Jasper pulls me out of my thoughts, and I meet his eyes.

"Why does he want to marry me, Jasper?"

"I thought that was perfectly obvious. He's in love with you – isn't that enough?"

"No. I mean why _me_? He had Esme, and she was beautiful, kind, generous, wise, selfless, and... so many other things I can't even list them all! I can't even stand in her shadow, let alone in her _shoes_!"

His brows draw together, and he raps on my forehead as if it were a door. "Is this thing turned on? You're being an idiot, Bella. It's no wonder you and Edward got along so well, you thought alike. You both had a messed up opinion of yourselves, and you still do." He takes both my hands and holds them so I have to face him. "You're a beautiful woman, Bella. And you _are_ kind, generous, and selfless."

"You forgot wise."

"No I didn't. You're being an idiot, remember?" He gives me his adorable crooked grin, then rolls his eyes and shakes his head. "Esme wasn't any better than you are. You're two different people, and just like Carlisle doesn't play piano, you don't have to be a carbon copy of her either. He loves you, and I can personally testify that it's powerful."

"But why marriage? What if I'm not good for him? What if I make him miserable because he misses so much of what he had before? What if he finds a better woman...?"

"Bella, will you just shut up!" He puts his fingers to his temples, as if he has a headache. "I haven't heard you whine so much since you were a human teenager. I've been out of high school for too long – I can't deal with teen angst anymore!"

"It's not angst, they're legitimate concerns. Marriage scares the hell out of me! It's risk and expectation, and unrealistic goals, and false security, and role-playing, and..."

"...and love, and commitment, and companionship, and growing together, and having someone to lean on, and so much more. You don't need to be afraid, most of your worries are all in your head." He taps my head again, then takes my hands in his. "Bella, you've got to ask yourself this: Would you want him if he _didn't_ want to marry you? He's not the kind of man to play house with you if you're not his wife. He has integrity, and unless I missed my guess, it's one of the things you love about him."

"It's so simple for you... why is it so hard for me?"

"You're still thinking like a human. You're not human anymore, Bella. Think about it – our memories don't degenerate. That wonderful, happy, crazy-in-love feeling you have right now, will stay with you no matter how long you're together. I still remember how deeply I love my Alice, even after a hundred years, and a very bad slip. What happened between her and Aro, can't even touch what I feel for her." He smiles in spite of his words.

"The very memory that made it so hard for you to get over losing Edward, will make it equally impossible to forget loving Carlisle. You may as well marry him, since you'll forever be with him in your memory."

"Should I be jealous?" I hear his teasing words and quickly let go of Jasper's hands as if I'm guilty of something, and I wonder if he's heard any of our conversation. Carlisle crosses the floor, and as soon as I set eyes on him, I"m drawn to him. I meet him halfway, and he folds me into his arms automatically. "Thanks for keeping my girl company." His words to Jasper have just the smallest edge to them, and I wonder if he really is jealous. When he said 'my girl' he sounded a bit possessive.

"Are you okay, darling?" He looks down into my eyes, and caresses my cheek. I gaze up at him and sigh. He's beautiful, but more than that, he's the living embodiment of kindness, compassion, and love – and he loves me!"

"I'm better than okay, now that you're here. How's Yanna?"

"She's doing remarkably well. Before you leave this afternoon, I'm going to bring her out of her coma."

"What do you mean _before I leave_? I'm not leaving without her! There's nothing at Volterra more important than my girl."

"I was afraid you'd say that." He sighs deeply. "You can stay til tomorrow morning."

"Please tell me you're not trying to tell me what to do." I feel a bit of my old human resentment sneaking into my words.

"I wouldn't dream of it." He laughs softly. "Trust me, I'm not going to leave her here alone as long as her condition is in question. But there is one thing we can find at Volterra that we don't have here, and that's privacy." His intense look sends a shiver down my spine. Privacy – as in alone time with Carlisle. Suddenly thoughts of the walls of Volterra seem a bit more welcoming.

"Besides, I've got some things I need to settle with Aro."

"Are you going to confront him?" I'm already worried about Jasper, and the thought of Carlisle going against the ancient vampire scares me.

"I'm going to have a talk with him, man to man." He doesn't sound concerned, and I wonder if it's for my benefit.

"Aro's not a man, he's a vampire; he'll tell you that himself."

"Maybe he would if I spent time _alone _with him." His words catch me off guard, and I feel suddenly guilty.

"I'm sorry..."

"No. I'm sorry, Bella. That was totally out of line." He gently holds me, and tucks my head under his chin, as his fingers comb through my hair. "I confess, I'm jealous of any other man who gets to spend time with you. I'm not used to these feelings. Esme was mistrustful of men for a long time, and then we were married..." He sighs. "I'm sorry, that's a poor excuse."

"So what are you going to 'talk' to Aro about?" Jasper joins us, putting an end to an uncomfortable conversation.

"You for one thing. His desire to break up my family for another."

"Are you crazy? He's being stubborn about the whole mess. What can you possibly hope to accomplish by talking to him?" Jasper articulates my sentiments much better than I can.

"I won't know until I try."

"Well, don't be offended if I stay in hiding while you try."

"I wouldn't have it any other way. But while we're on the subject, what were you thinking? Arianna's just a baby!" Carlisle levels his disapproving glare at Jasper.

"I was wondering when you'd get around to that." He looks truly ashamed. "I don't have any excuses – I lost my mind." His face hardens in anger. "But he seduced my wife! I know I shouldn't have taken that out on Arianna. I should have just challenged him face to face. But I wanted him to know how it felt... how it felt to have someone you love fall into the hands of someone who doesn't have their best interests at heart."

"Alice is a full grown woman, who's able to make her own decisions – whether we agree with them or not."

"You and I both know how fragile she was.. She wasn't herself, and he took advantage!"

"He did take advantage, but that's not why she went to him." I soften my words as much as I can. "Jasper, Aro is a very wily and cunning man. But he was able to help her with her memories, when no one one else could. Alice is the strongest woman I know, but her memories were destroying her. The only other person who could help her died in the war – unless you count Aro's children."

"He used his gift to get to my wife!"

"Jasper, he loves her. He has since the first time he met her."

"I fail to see how that should have any bearing on the situation." He's not guarding his emotions very well at all. I've clearly touched a nerve.

"I'm not saying you should forgive him. But if you were in his place, what would you do?"

"I would leave another man's wife the hell alone!"

"Even if you knew she needed you? Even if you were watching her fall apart bit by bit, day after day?"

"That's enough! I don't need this... I thought you understood." I feel his pain.

"I do understand. But I can see all three sides, and you're just seeing you and Alice as helpless victims. Alice is no victim!"

"Are you saying she deliberately set out to hurt me?"

I wish I'd kept my mouth shut since it's really none of my business. But if Jasper doesn't stop thinking of Alice as a helpless victim and a frail flower, he's going to lose her to Aro for real in the future.

"She would never deliberately hurt you. But she wasn't coerced. Part of the reason she did what she did, was because the two of you share something that goes beyond the physical. She trusted that you would be there no matter what."

"So my love gave her permission to cheat on me! Do you know how crazy that sounds?"

"Your love gave her permission to do what she had to do, to save her sanity and her life."

"Why are you suddenly her cheerleader? As I recall, you had a few accusations for her yourself."

"I was wrong. What I said was horrible. But it wasn't nearly as bad as what she's been telling herself. Whether we like it or not, Aro was able to help her get through some of the toughest of her prophesies and memories. He wouldn't allow her to suffer all the guilt alone, since he loves her too."

"You can quit saying that now." He looks disgusted.

"I'm sorry. I just hope you and Alice can get past all this. He knows he'll lose her forever if he kills you, but if he manages to tear you two apart, he wins."

"Couldn't the same be said of you two? From what I hear, he's taken quite a shine to you, Bella."

I shake my head. "It doesn't matter. I've told him from the moment he expressed interest in me that I"m in love with Carlisle." I turn and look up at him with a smile.

"It sounds like I've got one more thing to talk to him about." Carlisle holds me tight, and Jasper takes a seat in the waiting room.

"Can I be there when you talk to him?" I'm concerned about what Aro will do to Carlisle.

"I don't think that would be a good idea. With you there, I'll have to worry about getting his ego involved."

"Just be careful then."

"I will, love. By the way, how did you get blood on your sleeve?" I look, and see the brown smear he's asking about. I tell him about the bleeding boy, and he seems stunned.

"You've got better control than I thought. Even Rosalie would have attacked him if she'd had to breathe his scent."

"I'm not going to attack anyone. I won't."

"How can you be so sure?" He looks at me strangely.

"I have a choice. I choose not to." I want to tell him everything I've learned, and what I've decided, but with Jasper so close, I don't want to push it.

With his finger under my chin, he tips my head up and kisses me. "Would you like to go see our girl? What should I be calling her, anyway?"

"I'd love to see her! Her name on her birth certificate is Yanna, and she was thinking of changing it to Yannadora. Knowing how everyone changed Renesmee's name to something easy, I just go with Yanna, so she doesn't get stuck with something like Nador." He laughs as he leads me from the room.

We walk in silence to the post operative room where she's lying. I expect her to be hooked up to tubes and wires, but she's only got one tube, and the heart monitor. Her head is bandaged, and I"m surprised to see her blond hair peeking out of it, like she's wearing a white gauze hat.

"She doesn't look as bad as I expected. You didn't have to shave her head?"

"It's not necessary. Of course we had to shave some around the incision, but she won't be bald." I squeeze his hand as a silent thanks. "I've also kept the equipment to a minimum. A lot of the machines would give too much information about how different she is. I've also given the nurses and other staff strict instructions not to mess with her. It's a huge risk having her here, and I'll breathe easier when she's out of danger."

"Me too." We stand there, listening to the blips of her heartbeat. "Thanks. I didn't know you were coming. I felt so helpless just watching her fight for her life. I still can't believe you just dropped everything. Is Eleazar going to be okay?"

He smiles and kisses my fingers. "He's in good hands. Colette is determined to bring him back to health. Did you know he speaks French?"

"I know he speaks Spanish, but we never discussed languages."

"He learned it because they were so close to Canada." He's quiet, but a small grin sneaks onto his face.

"What are you not saying? You look like you've got a secret that's dying to get out."

"Moi?" His eyes widen in mock innocence.

"Don't you start speaking French on me." He laughs at my warning. "I'm serious Carlisle, I don't deal well with jealousy!"

He pulls me into his arms and kisses me with a passion that banishes all jealous thoughts. It's almost indecent the way we're behaving with Yanna lying unconscious in the same room. I go from kissing him, to just being held tight in his arms.

"Marry me, Bella." His voice is whisper quiet. "I love you and need you, and that's never going to change. "Marry me... I'll be good to you. Marry me and I'll make you as happy as you've made me." I just want to cling to him, but his words are demanding a response.

"I love you Carlisle. I just need more time to think. Please."

"Of course. Anything I can help you with – questions or concerns?" I shake my head. I know if I discuss it with him, he'll convince me – he just has that affect on me. But I really do need time, just to get everything straight in my mind.

"Don't wait too long; Aro will take it as encouragement. I don't want to waste a moment of time we could have together."

"Don't be jealous, there's only you. And we can be together even though we're not married."

"We can be together like this..." His arms around my waist pull me close, and he teases me with soft little kisses that land and flutter away. "... but I want more than this, Bella." I feel his hips press against me, and my breath catches at his bold reminder that he's a man. "I want to make love with you." His words breathed into my ear are cool, but warm me from within. "I want to explore your naked body, with my hands and my mouth. And I want to know what you sound like in the throes of passionate release."  
>His words alone steal my breath, and make me uncomfortably excited for him. He shifts, and inhales deeply, then runs his nose along my neck. In my other ear, he whispers, "You smell so sweet when you're aroused."<p>

"Carlisle!" My shocked look only makes him smile.

"Marry me, Bella. You won't be sorry, I promise." With mischief in his eyes, he pulls me tight against him. "You're making me crazy! We're in a_ hospital _for crying out loud_,_ and I still can't keep away from you!" We heard the nurse approach seconds before she would have interrupted his assault on my will power.

In Italian she asks if he's ready to bring his patient out of her coma. She looks pointedly at me, but doesn't say anything about my presence there. Like a switch has flipped, he's all professional as they get ready to stop the medication keeping her unconscious. I step into a corner to stay out of their way. It seems a bit anticlimactic. There's no magic, no team of specialists surrounding her, just the nurse removing her I.V. and putting a heparin lock in place, in case she needs medication in a hurry.

Carlisle and the nurse have a lengthy discussion about her amazing progress. The nurse seems to think it's a miracle that she had a major brain operation that morning, and already Carlisle wants to have her transferred. When she mentions having another doctor look in on her, I'm surprised to see the way he handles her. He calmly steps into her personal space, and looks down into her startled eyes.

"I don't think she needs to be seen by another physician, don't you agree?" I hear her heart beating faster, and she holds her breath for a moment. When she breaths, I can tell she's being overpowered by his scent. Her doe eyes meet his.

"Absolutely. I couldn't agree more. No one else needs to look at her... Doctor Cullen." She breathes his name, then turns and leaves the room in a daze.

"You dazzled her!" I keep my voice low, in case she comes back. "Man, I thought Edward was good, but you're clearly the master! That poor woman didn't even know what hit her. She probably doesn't even know her own name – but she knows _yours_!"

"I wish it would work on you." He looks at me from under his brows. "If I could compel you my girl..."

"You would still wait for my own answer, given of my own free will."

"True enough, but maybe I'd have that answer sooner. All I have to do is make you as crazy as you've made me." The golden eyes of a predator fix on me, and he stalks me, one slow step at a time.

"Carlisle, we're still in the hospital..." I back away from him.

"And I still want you." I put my hand on his chest as he backs me into the wall.

"Why don't you just say 'yes' already." We both turn; completely startled. Her voice is raspy, but Yanna is clearly awake. We'd missed the changes in her heart rate and breathing, for all too obvious reasons. We hurry to her side.

"Didn't they teach you, that unconscious people might still be able to hear?" I'm so glad to see her alert blue eyes, and her little half smile. We should have known she'd recover from the medications quicker. "When does the muscle relaxer wear off?"

I feel Carlisle startle slightly at her question, and catch his look of concern. He reaches out and takes her hands in both of his.

"Yanna, can you squeeze my hands?" I watch them, and one hand squeezes feebly, and the other lies limp in his grasp. I fight not to let my feelings show on my face. Maybe it's just a matter of time, and the medications haven't worn off completely.

Carlisle moves to the end of the bed, and uncovers her feet. "Yanna, let me know if you can feel this." He tests both her left and right foot for sensation, reflex, and movement, and continues with his exam as if I'm not there. I watch her struggle to do the things he asks, and it breaks my heart when she looks my way with alarm and fear on her face. I take her right hand, and hold it tight, as she gives a feeble squeeze.

It doesn't take him long to finish his cursory examination, then he looks at us both. "I'm not going to lie, it looks as if there's been some damage to the brain, primarily on the right side. This may still reverse itself, but unless this happens, I'm going to proceed with traditional treatment. Tomorrow morning, we'll go through all the tests to see specifically where the losses have occurred. There are muscle stimulation therapies, and physical therapies to relearn and compensate for losses..."

"Losses?" Her eyes swim in tears as he explains what has happened. "I'm not going to recover? Will I be able to walk again?" She looks at her left hand lying helplessly on the blanket. "Will I even be able to feed myself?"

He pulls a chair to her bedside, and sits beside her, getting down to eye level with her. "Yanna, this is not the outcome I'd hoped for. But when I operated, my primary goal was to save your life. You wouldn't have survived without the surgery." He smooths his hand over her forehead, and wipes her tears with his thumb. I still have hope that you'll make a full recovery – eventually."

"What does that mean? Eventually?"

"It means we've got some work to do. From what Bella tells me, I believe some of the experiments that were done on you, have caused your immune system to go awry. In treating some cancers, we sometimes destroy the patient's immune system, so we can introduce healthy cells and keep their own body from fighting them. It seems like you've suffered this kind of destruction, but without the healthy cells to replace what you've lost. Your special physiology is fighting to right itself, but right now it's inadequate to deal with such a serious injury."

"You still haven't told me... will I walk again? Or am I going to be a helpless baby?" He has to wipe away more tears.

"You're not a helpless baby, even now. We're all going to work hard, and recover as much of your physical ability as we can, until your own healing kicks in. You're in very good hands. Bella and I are going to take care of you, and help you, twenty-four/seven. Tomorrow we'll see exactly where we stand, and by noon we should be heading back to Volterra."

"So soon?" She looks shocked.

"Of course. The hospital is for sick people, and you young lady, are not sick. You're in recovery now." He leans forward and kisses her cheek. "I'm not going to allow a daughter of mine to lounge around taking up valuable hospital space." Her eyes widen in surprise at his words, and he smiles.

"Daughter? Do you really mean that?" I see her self doubt on her pretty face, and Carlisle caresses her cheek, smoothing it away.

"I'm certain of it. This beautiful woman has become quite attached to you. She loves you very much, so it's practically a done deal that you're joining the family. She doesn't know it yet, but I'm going to marry her." His eyes flash my way, and he smiles.

"Pretty sure of yourself." Half her mouth turns up in a smile.

"Absolutely. I can't have a daughter without a wife now, can I? But that's if you want to join us. It's still your choice."

"I want to. I already eat animals." He laughs and pats her hand.

"Yanna, that's the least of our requirements. We're not a coven, we're a family. Right now we're living in Canada, but we won't force you to move, if you don't want to."

"I want to. I want to be with her... and you." I can't imagine she's Nessie's age. She seems so young, fragile and broken, but at the same time she's tough, resilient, and much older than her years.

"Then let's get you better. We're going to start with some dinner. I'm afraid all they have here is human food, but with your immune system so compromised, I think it's better than raw meat."

It takes about an hour to finish dinner. Even with her bed raised, we have to help her with every bite. Carlisle insists she hold her own fork, even though it falls from her weakened grasp. While he works with her on eating, I move the limbs on her left side in exercises to keep her muscles from stiffening up. I've never appreciated vampire endurance more, as the repetitive movements would have exhausted a human.

With her meal finished and the bed lowered, she fights to stay awake, and loses. She drifts to sleep, and we watch over her for a while. He takes my hand and leads me from the room. Down the hall there's a handful of chairs in a small alcove. We stand and look out the window.

"She seems sweet. You've made quite an impression on her." His arm around my waist pulls me to his side. "I think she's just starting to understand what's ahead of her."

"What about Colette? I mean couldn't she heal her?" It's a hope I've been afraid to lean on.

"I thought about that right away." He sighs. "To be honest, I'm afraid to ask her. She's been working so hard with Eleazar, she's already pushing herself too hard. You know how her gift works; she takes on the injury herself, and heals it. She's suffered every one of his burns – deep tissue damage over his entire body."

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize how serious his injuries were. I just thought..."

"It's okay, I know. But with a brain injury, I'm not sure if her healing would work the same. If her brain suffers trauma, it could affect her gift. Then add in Yanna's special circumstances, and it could be like two computers sharing a virus. I'd rather start right in with physical therapy, and maybe later we can try some more innovative treatments. She seems like she's a fighter." He turns to look at me. "She reminds me a lot of you."

"I'll marry you, Carlisle."

"What?" He's totally caught off guard, and he moves to face me.

"I watched you in there with her, and all I could think about, was how amazing you are. You're everything I'm ever going to want. I love you more and more every day, and then I see how you are with her, and I just can't contain it. Marriage scares me... a lot. But if that's what it takes to keep you in my life forever, then yes. I'll marry you, and be your wife – if you still want me."

"If I still want..." He makes an inarticulate noise before wrapping me in his arms so tight I'm afraid he'll crush me. "Yes! Do you mean it? You'll marry me?" He's exuberant as a kid at Christmas. "Oh wait...let's do this right." He drops to one knee, and takes my hand.

"Isabella, Marie, Swan, Cullen, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" I look down at his beautiful face. I feel choked with emotion, as I remember Edward's proposal. Then I look at him – really look at him. He's not Edward, but I love him with all that I am. I _love _this man! I smile, completely unable to hide my happiness.

"Yes!"

"I'm again crushed in his arms, and we're kissing like we've invented it. I don't have time to worry about my decision, as he's quickly stealing all rational thought from my mind. I cling to him, and kiss him, and just love him.

As a nurse walks down the hall past us, we pull apart and pretend to be looking out the window. The glass is dark, and we stare at our reflection. He puts his arm around me and snugs me against his side. A couple gazes back at me. I'm going to marry him. Just looking at that face brings me a peace I don't expect. I don't just love him, I trust him.

He steps away from me and takes a seat. He pulls his phone out and dials.

"Who are you calling?" I sit beside him and he takes my hand.

"I'm calling your father. If I'm going to marry you, I should at least try to get his permission."

"What? You can't call Charlie! Are you crazy!" I fight to keep my voice down.

"Shh, it's ringing."


	27. Chapter 27 Reactions

Chapter 27

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He's absolutely lost his mind. He's determined to call the one person I'd keep in the dark about his proposal and my acceptance. I reach for the phone, barely touching it before he pulls it out of my reach.

"Bella please..."

"You can't call Charlie!" I'm glad he can hear me loud and clear without the need to raise my voice.

He stands and paces away from me. "It's too late." His voice modulates, and he sounds different. It's Doctor Cullen speaking when my dad answers the phone. It's close to noon there, and I imagine him getting ready to go to the diner for lunch.

"Mister Swan, I've got a matter of importance I need to discuss with you."

I can hear my dad across the miles and through the phone. "Mister Swan? Carlisle, is everything okay? Are Bella, Nessie, and the kids alright?" I can hear the alarm in his voice.

"They're all fine, please don't worry. I'm here in Italy with Bella..."

"Italy? Is she back at that vulture place she went when she was dating Edward? I haven't seen her in ages, and now you tell me she's in Italy. Is that girl ever going to get over the accident?" I can hear his loud exhalation of air. "I guess going back for a visit is better than throwing herself into a hole beside him."

"That's not going to happen, sir." He sounds so calm, but he's pacing nervously. "Mister Swan, Bella isn't mourning anymore."

"She's not? Thank god... I've been hoping she'd be able to... move beyond the accident."

We couldn't very well tell my parents that we'd lost so many to a vampire war. Carlisle came up with a story about how a group of Quileutes had gone on a hunting trip. An avalanche had buried their group, and they'd managed to signal for help. Because the site was remote, Carlisle volunteered he and his family to go and assist with the rescue efforts. They were supposedly familiar with the area from all their hunting and camping over the years.

Unfortunately, as the story went, the SUV they were driving was hit head on by a drunk driver from Italy, and it crashed into a ravine, killing three of the Cullens and injuring Carlisle and Rosalie. I'd been in the car following them, with Alice, and Jasper. Even in Carlisle's concocted story, I'd seen Edward die.

"I wish there was an easier way to say this – in fact I'd rather speak to you face to face – but I love your daughter."

"That's nice of you to say, Carlisle. I've always felt better, knowing you were looking out for her, especially when the kids were younger."

Carlisle paces, and runs his hand through his hair. I worry he's going to wear a path in the carpet. "Mister Swan... what I meant to say, is that I'm in love with Bella. I'm in love with her, and I've asked her to marry me." I would give anything to see Charlie's face at this moment. I hope he doesn't have a stroke.

"Is this some kind of joke? This isn't funny, Cullen!" On second thought, I'm grateful not to be there. I recognize that tone, and it usually preceded a major grounding or punishment. "What the hell is going on?"

"I've been spending time with Bella. We've grown close... and I love her – deeply. She loves me too, and..."

"Is she there? Let me speak to my daughter!" His hand shook as he handed me the phone.

"Daddy...?"

"Don't 'daddy' me! What kind of mess have you gotten yourself into, Isabella?"

"I'm not in a mess. I'm in love."

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! He's your father-in-law for godsakes! He's old enough to be your father! He's your daughter's grandfather – he's my age Bella!"

"No he isn't." I try not to get upset

"The hell he isn't! They don't allow children to adopt. He's got to be closing in on fifty at least!"

"Listen Charlie – Dad. His age doesn't matter to me. I'm in love with him."

"It _should _matter! Twenty plus years is a huge difference; do you want to be a widow again?" He goes on about all the problems we could have if we were a normal human couple with a big age gap. I don't say anything as my usually quiet father, rants. It doesn't take him long to run out of steam.

"Dad, please listen." I take a deep breath. "You know everything is not as it seems with my family. Pregnancies don't reach full term in one month. Babies don't grow up and get married in ten years. And there's not a plastic surgeon on Earth who can make a man look eternally twenty-three. If you want to have a nice long discussion about all our differences, I'd rather have it face to face."

"What are you trying to tell me, Bella?" He sounds confused.

"I'm trying to tell you, this is _good news_! It's taken a long time for me to get over losing Edward, and I'm ready to live my life again. I owe my recovery to Carlisle. He understands what I've been through, and we can both respect how things used to be. But they've changed. I love him, Daddy. I'm deeply in love with Carlisle, and I want you to be happy for me."

"Let me talk to him." I hand the phone back.

"I don't know what kind of game you're playing, Cullen. But if you hurt my little girl, I will find you, and put an end to you."

"I wouldn't expect any less, sir. I would rather die than hurt her."

"Just how old are you, anyway?"

"Do you really want that answer?" It's quiet on the other end for a long time.

"We need to get together and talk about that – man to man."

"I would like that very much, sir."

"You can stop calling me sir now. It's Chief Swan to you." I can swear I hear a bit of humor in that.

"I want to marry your daughter, Chief Swan. I'm head over heels in love with her." He looks my way and smiles.

"Are you informing me, or asking my permission?"

"Historically, the groom was required to ask for the parent's permission to marry the bride. However in the case of a widowed woman, permission was not necessary. I would greatly appreciate your permission and blessing. But if you withhold your permission, I will have to risk your disapproval. I don't want to live my life without her, she means too much to me."

"That's a good answer. You can have my permission and blessing on one condition: You've got to break the news to her mother, and her daughter."

"You drive a hard bargain, Chief Swan."

"Just when are you planning to get married?" I can't believe Charlie's so calm.

"I want to marry her as soon as I can."

"She's not pregnant is she?" The question doesn't shock me as much as the hope in his voice.

"No sir. I've been nothing but honorable with her." I roll my eyes at this.

"Tease." I whisper into one ear, as he listens to my dad with the other. I kiss and nibble his ear.

"So, when do you think you'll be returning from Italy?" Charlie's downright chatty for a change. I slide my hand into Carlisle's back pocket; a not so subtle way of touching him below the belt. His eyes flash my way with a predatory gleam.

"We have some loose ends to tie up here, but we hope to be home within a week or two." I kiss along his jaw, and continue down to his neck. With my hand in his pocket, I squeeze him. I'm enjoying myself quite a bit and making him squirm uncomfortably. But then he gives me the most mischievous grin.

"Bella has mentioned how much she misses those fishing trips you used to take her on. Maybe once we get back we can make some arrangements for some good quality father/daughter time." I stop kissing him and shake my head no. "You still have that boat, right?"

"Yeah! That's funny, I always thought she hated those trips."

"Nah, she only hates the sunny days. She told me the fish always bite so much better when it rains." I pull my hand out of his pocket and scowl at him. "And while I'm thinking about it, I think I could get some tickets to one of the first games the Seahawks are playing, if you're interested..."

"For me and Bella?" He sounds puzzled.

"Sure! I don't intend on taking her away from her family, Chief Swan..."

"Aw, go ahead and call me Charlie. So... do you think you could score four of those Seahawks tickets?" My mouth drops open and I cross my arms over my chest.

"Absolutely! Anything for family." Carlisle smiles and winks at me. I flounce into a chair while he finishes talking to my dad. After another ten minutes of sports talk, he ends the call.

"I can't believe my dad just sold me out for a couple Seahawks tickets!" He laughs and takes my hands to pull me to my feet. He wraps me in his arms.

"At least he held out for four tickets. I was afraid I was going to have to throw in a horse."

"That's terrible!" I try to squirm away from him, but he doesn't let me go.

"You're worth a few good horses to me," he chuckles. "Seriously Bella, that could have gone much worse. We're going to have to talk to him about some of those things he didn't want to know before. I think he's ready."

"You could tell that over the phone?"

"Well, not exactly. I could tell, because any father in their right mind would throw a fit over my proposal. He knows we're different, and I think he'll rest easier knowing I'm not some lecherous old man looking to snag my son's hot young widow."

"It sounds so _wrong _when you put it that way."

"What? The part about me being a lecherous old man, or you being a hot young widow?" He grins down at me. "Actually, it sounds pretty accurate to me."

"You're not..." I'm about to say 'old,' but three hundred and seventy-five qualifies as old. "...lecherous." He looks at me in a way that makes me catch my breath. It's not exactly love I see in his eyes, it's lust.

"Oh I beg to differ, Miss Isabella. If your father knew what I was thinking while you were trying to distract me, he definitely wouldn't have been so easily placated. You shouldn't tease a hungry vampire."

"You're not hungry." His eyes are a warm gold color, which means he's fed within the last few days. His arms tighten around me.

"I am _very _hungry. I've been starving for two years." His meaning becomes clear, and I feel the same way myself. We're about to tear into each other, when we hear someone coming our way. We are the picture of calm and patience, as the three visitors pass by. He holds my hand, and in his vampires only voice, he tells me of the sinful things he wants to do to me. A slight trembling of my knees betrays my impassive exterior.

"I never knew you were so _bad_!" I whisper, as they pass from earshot.

"You bring it out in me." He circles me with his arms. "I have an incredibly hot, sexy, beautiful fiance." He fixes me in his intense gaze. "How soon can we marry? If I have to wait much longer for you, I'm going to lose my mind!"

"It sounds to me like you only want me for my body," I smirk.

"Bella please..." He holds me close, folding me into him, with our hips pressed together. One hand glides over my back and the other grips me below my waist, pulling me tight against his arousal. "It's not just your body I want..." His tongue traces over my lips. "...I will gladly molest your mind as well." He smiles wickedly before his mouth feasts on mine.

I almost forget where we are, and the moments stretch into an aching, teasing, eternity, as I can't feel where I leave off and he begins. I hate his clothes, and I wish I could just tear them off and touch him – _feel _him. I fight to tear myself away from him, twisting out of his arms and taking several unsteady steps away. I gaze at his face as I gasp for air to dilute his scent.

"Carlisle... are you sure we have to be married? That could take awhile, especially if Alice gets involved. I read somewhere that historically, betrothed was as good as married. Couldn't we cheat... just a little?"

He smiles as he shakes his head. "I love that you are so anxious to be mine. But betrothed wasn't married. It was more like being under contract."

"But it's so frustrating! I just want..." I look at him: His soft blond hair, his direct golden gaze, his wide cheeks, squared off jaw, and soft sexy mouth. "..._you. _It sounds almost childishly selfish, but I just want to be with you. I don't want rules, barriers, laws, protocols, or... clothes."

He stares at me as if awed, then he smiles, as if something has occurred to him. "Give me a little more time. Trust me, I want you just as badly. I have an idea how we can make this work, before we both lose our minds. If we can just be patient for a little longer... yes... this will work!"

"What will work?"

"It's brilliant! I can't tell you just yet... you'll know when it happens. I love you!" He hugs me exuberantly, and kisses me quick. "Now, let's finish letting the family know. How about your mother next?" Better Mom than Nessie.

I sat beside him as he made the call, and I was worried sick about how I'd break the news to Nessie. I couldn't help but listen in on his conversation with my mom. I'd been stunned that dad flipped for some football tickets. But I was flabbergasted when Mom's response to his news that we were in love and wanted to get married, was: "Thank god!"

I took the phone from him and asked, "who are you, and what have you done with my mother?"

"Bella dear, I couldn't be happier for you both!"

"You do remember who Carlisle is, don't you? You haven't suffered a fall or a blow to the head recently, have you?" I wasn't expecting this kind of response from either of my parents.

"Of course I remember – my memory's fine. Bella, don't act so surprised, just because you've got yourself convinced that no one notices what sets you and the Cullen's apart from the rest of us. Anyone with eyes could see that Edward and Carlisle were only pretending to be father and son."

"How long have you known?" My hand shakes.

"I suspected something was different about them before you got married, but when you came to Florida, I was pretty certain you'd changed. Even Phil had to admit it, after seeing the way your daughter could pitch."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"You didn't come out and tell me, so I guessed it was some kind of secret. You're still my daughter; that's all that really matters to me. After the accident – if that's what it was – I was just so worried about you. You're just like your father when your heart is broken. I don't think he ever got over our break-up. I was afraid you'd be... mourning Edward for the rest of your life. If that handsome young doctor can snap you out of your misery, then who am I to complain?"

I glance at him as she says that, and he's smiling – 'handsome young doctor' indeed. Mom too wants to know when we'll be getting married, and she says she wants an invitation to the event. Before we hang up she asks us what we're up to. I explain that we're in Italy, and somehow the story of Yanna comes pouring out.

As convoluted and crazy as the story is, Mom understands perfectly. "It sounds like you've adopted that poor girl. I can't wait to meet her!"

When I'm finally able to hang up the phone, Carlisle has his arm around me and a goofy grin on his face. "She likes me, I have that affect on mothers."

"This doesn't make any sense! It's like you've dazzled both of my parents. Do you have any idea how hard this was the first time?"

"It was supposed to be hard the first time. You were only eighteen. No matter how much you loved Edward, no parent in their right mind is going to allow their young daughter run off to marry a vampire."

"But they didn't know what he was..."

"Yes they did. Maybe not in words, but they knew there was something _dangerous_ about him – about all of us. Humans know these things; it's built into their physiology. Most people live in the rational world of science and reason, and they don't listen to their instincts. But those instincts don't just go away. It's actually a tribute to you and Edward, that you could overcome this natural warning and get their agreement." I stare at him in awe.

"You really believe people just _know _there's something dangerous about us? I've never really sensed that."

"It's because you're not a killer. The diet helps us blend in. It's not just about our restraint and eye color. Humans can sense when someone looks at them as prey. Jasper has to use his gift just to be here, and Aro wouldn't set foot in a hospital – even in sunglasses."

"And you're a doctor who works in hospitals." I cup his gentle face in my palm. "You amaze me. You didn't have anyone to teach you, or show you a different way, you just... denied everything you knew that said you were a killer. Do you know how much you changed my life with that choice? Not only did it make you the man you are today, but you also made Edward someone who would love me instead of killing me. And you're living proof, that no matter how strong the urge is, I'll never _have _to kill. I have a daughter because of you, and I still have my parents because of you."

"I don't think I can take credit for your daughter..." He grins. "...unless you're talking about Yanna." I could explain my reasoning to him, but instead I just throw my arms around him and kiss his cheek.

"I love you so much, you dear, sweet, gentle, kind, beautiful, loving, man. You have made me so happy!" I pull back and just gaze at him. "You make me happy, Carlisle. I thought I was going to be sad forever. I didn't think there could be anything left to live for – and I was _wrong_." He holds me gently, patting my back and rubbing his cheek against the side of my face.

"You're still wrong, if you think someone else can make your life worth living." He pulls away to look me in the eyes. "Bella, I don't want to be your reason to live. I don't want to be the one who completes you, nor do I want to be the other half of your soul. Those are some beautiful, romantic sounding sentiments, but they're fiction. You have to be whole before you can truly fall in love and share your life with someone else. Tell me, do you really feel you couldn't live without me?"

I stare at his concerned face, and I want to lie. He has made my life worth living. I smile then, feeling like I finally understand what he's talking about.

"I could live without you. And I know I'm a whole person without you." I take hold of his hand, just to touch him. "But you've helped me discover what it means to be happy again. You make me glad to see the sun come up each day. I could live without you, but you've given me back my joy. Carlisle, I don't need you, but I _need _you. I can live without you, but a life without love isn't worth living. You give me that, and I'm not going to deny that it matters to me."

A slow smile lights his face. "I guess I'll just have to satisfy myself with that answer. So... do you want to call Renesmee, or shall I?" Neither of us want to confront my daughter and his granddaughter.

"You did two already... I guess I'll take this one. It would be sort of cowardly if I dumped it on you."

"She's my granddaughter..." He offers.

"She's my _daughter _– god this is going to be awkward. I'll use my phone, since my battery is probably fresher." I fish it out.

"Do you want me to stay or..."

"Stay!" He takes my hand as I dial the number with the other.

"Hi Ness, this isn't a bad time, is it?"

"No, it's actually perfect. I just put Masen down for his nap, and Sarah's playing with the dogs with Billy. Are you having a good time in Italy?"

"It's... there's a lot of work still. But if things work out we'll be back in a week or two."

"That's great. Sarah wants to see everyone again before school starts."

"That'll be great. Uh... Ness... I've got some things I need to talk to you about."

"That sounds ominous. What's up?"

"I wish I could be there to tell you in person. I hate trying to do this over the phone." I sigh loudly. "You know I've had a hard time for so long, after losing Edward."

"I know."

"I didn't think I'd ever get over him. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. But I think I'm ready to move on now. I'm ready to live my life even if it's not with your daddy." She's quiet for a while.

"I guess I expected this..." She sighs. "Have you met someone new in Italy?"

"Honey, it's not exactly like that..." I don't know how to break it to her.

"It's okay Mom. I knew it could happen., You're always going to look like a beautiful young woman. It's not very realistic for me to expect you to stay a widow and just be happy being a grandma.

"Oh baby, I love being a grandma, that's not going to change."

"I know. That's not what I really meant. I guess it just seems more real – that Daddy's gone – if you find someone new. But I really do want you to be happy. You have found someone, haven't you?"

"He's been under my nose all along." Carlisle puts his arms around me.

"Is he Italian?" I can hear a little teasing in her voice.

"No. He's actually English, and he's older."

"Does Grandpa Carlisle know him? He's English too, right?" I can't get sick, but I swear there are butterflies in my stomach –_ vampire _butterflies!

Ness... I know this is going to be hard, but I'm very happy with him. It's serious, or I wouldn't be telling you. A lot has happened since we left, but the most important thing you need to hear, is that it's Carlisle. I'm in love with Carlisle." I barely get the words out past the lump in my throat.

"I didn't hear you right... Carlisle knows him? Mom, don't mess with me like this!"

"Honey... I'm involved with Carlisle. I... we're in love. I know this sounds weird, but..."

"No! No, you just can't do that! You can't fall in love with Grandpa! That's disgusting! Daddy's only been gone two years, and Esme too... were you two messing around before? Oh god, don't tell me, I don't want to know! You can't do this Mom! Do you seriously think you could _marry _him? Everyone will know! Everyone knows he's Daddy's adoptive father. If he's interested in you, that's just sick! It would be no different than if you were brother and sister. You lived in the same house but with two different people – this is ridiculous!"

"Are you finished?" She was clearly worked up.

"Just tell me you're joking!"

"I'm not joking. You know very well that Carlisle and Edward were never related, and Edward wasn't adopted. It was all roles we played." It wasn't that long ago, Carlisle explained those roles to _me_. "Those roles have changed. Carlisle helped me get over my grief, and..."

"And you decided to repay him by sleeping with him?"

"Renesmee! I didn't raise you to talk to your mother that way!"

"Well, since these are just roles we're playing, maybe I don't want to play your daughter anymore! You can't just tear my family apart and put it back together again in a new way, just because it makes you happier!"

"Ness... please. It's not like that."

"It's... I can't do this! I can't just pretend that I didn't have a grandma and a grandpa and a dad – you've screwed it all up! How could you do this to Daddy?" I'm about to try to get through to her, but the phone goes dead when she hangs up.

He pulls me into his arms and I press my face against his chest. I want to cry, but all I can do is groan. He holds me quietly, letting his soothing touch glide over my back.

"It's going to be okay, Bella" I want to believe him, but I've lost touch with my daughter over the past two years. Is it really fair to come back from the dead and destroy everything she holds dear? "I'll call her myself. We just took her by surprise."

"No. What if she's right, Carlisle? I mean she's got a whole family this is going to affect. What does she even call you if we get married?" I look up into his kind eyes.

"You can't live your life to please her. I'm not going to let you go, just because she may not want to call me Grandpa anymore." He looks suddenly irritated. "She's not being fair to you. She's got her husband, her children, her happy home, and everything to look forward to, and all you want is... me. And she's not being fair to me either. I won't go back to pretending to be part of the perfect nuclear family. I love that girl like she was my own, but she doesn't get to tell us how to live. I'm going to call her up and tell her..."

"No! Don't call her... just give her some time. Something like this could tear the whole family apart if we're not careful. I should have expected this... she's always been daddy's little girl."

"Don't say that. She's your daughter, Bella. She doesn't know what you went through, and maybe you've forgotten. But _I _know what you endured just to give that girl life. She shouldn't begrudge you the chance to be happy."

"Maybe so, but I'm the one who's been all but gone from her life for two years. That's a big chunk of her lifetime. I wasn't there when she needed me, why wouldn't she think I'm trying to ruin her life?"

"Bella..." He holds me close. "I guess it was too much to hope, that everyone would be happy for us. I'm sure she'll come around."

"I wish I could be so certain. She's got a pretty wide stubborn streak – like her mother." He kisses the top of my head and smooths my hair. He pulls back to look me in the eyes.

"This doesn't change anything. I'm still going to marry you. If Ness can't see how good this is for us... maybe I'll have to send her some Seahawks tickets!" I have to laugh, even though I feel like our plans have blown up in our faces.

"You didn't even have to promise him fifty yard-line seats!" I'm happy to change the subject. "I am so glad I'm not from three hundred and fifty years ago. He would probably have sold me out for a mule and a few cane poles!"

"Actually... it was the bride who had to pony up the goods. No self-respecting young woman would dare present herself to a future husband, without a dowry." My mouth drops open. "It was so critical, it was part of the wedding."

"That's it. We'll just have to call the whole thing off!" I'm teasing, but then it hits me that I really don't have anything to offer him. I don't have a wealthy family, or a career, or anything.

"What's that look for... Bella, you know I'm only joking about the dowry." I pull away from him and take a seat. "Darling, what's wrong?" He sits beside me, automatically surrounding me with his arms as he pulls me closer.

"I don't have anything to offer you. I mean you're a wealthy doctor, with a career, and I'm a college drop-out with... nothing."

"You're being ridiculous! You're letting Nessie's negative attitude get to you." He tips my chin up so we're eye to eye. "You've given me everything. Just because you can't put price tags on love, hope, happiness, anticipation, belonging, and contentment, doesn't mean they don't count. You've only had thirty years – barely a fraction of my life. Even by human standards, you're just starting out. Besides, I'm just old-fashioned enough to be quite happy to take care of you. I love the idea of sharing everything with you."

"It doesn't bother you that by 'human standards' I could be seen as a gold-digger?" He laughs so loud at this I'm afraid he's going to attract attention.

"Are you crazy? _You_? Anyone who would put your name in the same sentence with 'gold-digger,' obviously does not know you. Most of the reason you have so little is because we've practically had to force you to take what we wanted to give you. Not only are you entitled to share in all the family assets, but you're worthy of it too. Bella, you've got this warped sense of your value, and it always seems to come out lower than everyone around you. You don't need a dowry – you _are_ the dowry. You're the gift I want. You're more valuable to me than any wealth or career or status you could give me."

"But..."

"There are no 'buts.' Trust me on this, Bella. I'm old enough to know what really matters. Everything I have can be taken away in a heartbeat. Didn't you see that on the island? Markets crash, governments collapse, storms destroy, and_ things _just don't matter. I've got a small fortune in Confederate currency somewhere, but it doesn't matter. _You _matter. _You _are valuable. _You _are more important to me than any degree or career, or asset. I'm in love with _you_, not all the trappings."

The intensity of his gaze leaves me speechless. His kiss takes my breath away. Then we're kissing like nothing else matters, _because_ nothing else matters. I love him, even if Nessie can't accept it. I love him no matter what anyone else thinks or says.

I feel a little better when we finally go back to Yanna's room. She's still asleep, and we can both hear her steady breathing and measured heartbeat. We sit with her for hours, both of us quiet and still. He holds my hand, though I'm deep in thought, mentally playing out better ways I could have handled Nessie's reaction. It's three a.m. when my phone vibrates. I hurry to the hallway where I won't disturb Yanna or any other patients.

"Mom...?"

"Yes...?"

"I'm sorry..." I hold my breath. "I'm sorry for... being so childish about your news." I let myself breathe. "I've been thinking about it all day... it's been driving me crazy. I mean Carlisle has always been... you know – Grandpa. I think I was a little relieved that you were so sad over Daddy, that you wouldn't even think about finding someone else. I guess if you move on... then he's really gone."

"Oh baby girl... I'm so sorry to bring all that back up."

"No. It's okay. I've been talking to Jake – he's on your side by the way. He told me some things I never knew. No one ever told me Daddy left you, before you got married. Jake told me how much that hurt you, and how he was afraid you were going to kill yourself. He said he did everything he could to snap you out of your depression. He thinks that's the reason you two were so... close."

Oh Jacob! He doesn't remember having such strong feelings for me. It wasn't right that I leaned so heavily on him with Edward gone. But he probably did keep me from doing something that would have cost me my life.

"Honey, we're friends, you know that." I could never tell her that it was almost more.

"I know. But he told me that you needed help to 'come out of your tailspin before you crashed,' as he put it. He said that even after less than a year together, you were so devoted to Daddy, that you forgot how to live without him."

"That's pretty close to the truth. I've always been in love with your father."

"He also said, that the last time you came to visit,before Masen was born, you were acting the same way, only worse. He's been worried about you, and I didn't even notice. Everyone's had a hard time getting over what happened. I just thought you needed a little more time. I actually thought that as soon as Masen was born, you'd snap out of it and things would get back to normal. But then you didn't even come..."

"I'm so sorry! Ness... I would have been there if I'd have realized …."

"What happened on the island, Mom? Something happened there, didn't it? Grand... . Carlisle went to bring you back, and now this news."

"I went there to die." The words are out before I even think. I hear her gasp on the other end. "I wasn't conscious of it at the time, but I just knew I wasn't coming back. I thought I could starve myself, and maybe I can. Carlisle saved me. He even had to feed me since I was too weak to move. The storm that destroyed the house could have taken me out to sea if he hadn't have pulled my body off the beach."

"My god! Why would you do that? You'd make me lose my mom too?

"It wasn't about you. I couldn't face my life without him. All I could see was an eternity ahead of me, and no one to share it... no one to love... and all the memories I had of perfection. Edward left a vacuum I didn't know how to fill."

"Is that where Carlisle comes in?" She sounds wary and skeptical.

"Not really. He's not Edward, and he's not filling that role. It took us both by surprise when we started to have feelings for each other. It never would have happened if either Esme or Edward were still alive. I never looked at him like that before. But now I can never go back to how things were before. I love him, Ness. I love him as deep as I ever did your dad."

"Jake told me that you're the kind of person who has to love someone else to stay connected to your life. Some people just exist, but you exist to love. He said he's happy for you, and for Carlisle too. He still remembers how Carlisle helped save his life. He thinks you'd be good together."

"And what do _you _think?" I hear her loud sigh.

"I think I love you both. I think you deserve to be happy, and if being together makes you happy, I'll do my best to get over my squeamishness."

"I love you, and I'm so proud of you!"

"Don't be proud just yet. I still haven't got my mind wrapped around it." She's quiet for a moment. "So... if Dad somehow came back, who would you choose?"

I laugh softly. "I asked Carlisle the very same question, but about me and Esme. He told me he doesn't deal in impossibilities. He told me Esme was dead. Baby, Edward is dead. He's never coming back." I hear her soft sob on the other end.

"I know. I think I just want to know that you loved Daddy more. Who do you love more?"

"I loved your father with all that I had, while I had him. But now I love Carlisle, with all that I have. I can't measure it Ness. It would be like you trying to decide which of your children you love more; Sarah or Masen."

"I guess that makes sense... I just have a hard time imagining you two together."

"Don't worry, you've still got time to get used to the idea. We'll be here in Italy for a week or two. Then I'm sure there's going to be a bit of planning before the wedding."

"Wedding? What do you mean _wedding_?" I hear the alarm in her voice.

"He wants to marry me, Ness. He's not the type to just fool around or live together."

"Oh my god! That's so messed up!"

"I thought you were going to try." I hear her on the other end, trying to muffle the phone as she calls for Jake. _'My mom and my grandpa are getting married! I think I'm going to throw up!'_

I hear Jacob's voice on the line. "Bella, I think this is going to take some time. I'm happy for you, really I am. But Nessie is... " His voice drops to a whisper. "...she's a little hormonal. Her maternity leave is up soon, and she's stressed about going back to work. She just needs some time to adjust. I'll talk to her, and we'll call you later, okay?" We say our goodbyes.

Carlisle wordlessly pulls me into his arms. "Are you okay?"

"I wish I could throw up too. Just hold me... that always works." We walk slowly back to the privacy of Yanna's room, and he holds me until she wakes up with the dawn.

**A/N: I want to thank everyone for your reviews. It's always my intention to respond to each and every one, but when I sit down at the computer, I'm drawn into writing. **


	28. Chapter 28 Love

Chapter 28

Love

Yanna wakes up and smiles shyly at us. We've been keeping watch over her all night, and it's good to see her wake up on her own.

"Oh no..." She wiggles in her bed. "Can you help me..." She tries to get her left arm to move. "I've got an itch I can't reach!" Carlisle and I both hurry to help her. From either side of her bed, we work to eradicate first one itch then another, until we finally have to laugh at her look of bliss as she has me scratching her back, and Carlisle rubbing her shoulders.

"I'm glad to see you're feeling better." Carlisle smiles at her. "How about we get a nurse to help you use the bathroom, then we can work on breakfast. We've got a lot of tests to do this morning, and with luck, we'll have you back home around lunch time."

"Are you sure Doctor Cullen?" She looks afraid, and her blue eyes gaze up at him.

"You can call me Carlisle – we're family now. And don't worry about a thing. You are going to get better, it's just going to take a little time and a lot of hard work. Bella tells me you're a strong and willful young woman. That's a good thing, Yanna. I don't want you to give up on me, okay?"

"I won't." He holds her hand, and she no longer looks afraid. She looks from him to me and back. "Did you convince her?" He looks confused, and I have to smile.

"You have to be careful, Yanna. This man can beguile birds out of the trees. I didn't stand a chance." He looks at me with a knowing grin.

"So when's the wedding?"

"We're still working on that. But it's going to be soon." He sounds so sure of himself. I try not to think about Ness.

"I'm so happy for you! You two look so cute together." Her smile is wide, but crooked from her brain injury.

"Cute?" We both say it together, and she giggles.

We leave her in good spirits as the nurse comes in to take care of her. From there it's a busy morning, starting with us trying to get her to eat a human breakfast she insists she doesn't want.

"Sausage is disgusting! Everyone knows it's all the leftover parts of the animal, stuffed into it's intestines. I don't eat cheese or bread, and the cinnamon roll is stale." She is behaving like a typical pre-teen, which is technically what she is, no matter how physically mature she appears. It's the kind of behavior that always baffled me with Ness. I could be looking at a poised young lady, and hear a toddlers rant come from her. I'd seen quite a bit of these odd behaviors at Volterra. They had physical maturity, and they had intelligence, but it seemed to take a bit longer for their wisdom to catch up.

"Fine, we'll do it your way." He takes the tray away and sets it aside. From the hallway, he pulls in a wheelchair, and we both gasp. It's a frightening reminder of how badly she's been hurt. We both help her into the chair and set her feet on the footrests.

Late last night, Alice had sent a bag packed with her clothes and personal items. In Italian hospitals, you have to bring your own towels, nightgowns and clothes, like you would for a hotel stay. Yanna is dressed comfortably as Carlisle wheels her from the room with me following behind. He first takes her to have an M. R. I. done. He explains that she's already had a C.T. scan, and he wants to get as much information as he can.

She's nervous as he straps her to the attached table, and instructs her to hold perfectly still.

"Don't worry sweetie, we'll be right here." Actually we have to wait outside the room as the technician scans her brain. The images make her brain look like a 3-D puzzle that has been sliced apart. As I watch her through the window, he shows me the pictures where he believes her problems originate. As fascinating as it is, I'm glad _he's _the one who has to make sense of it all.

From there we go to physical therapy so we can see exactly what she can and cannot do. Several long hours pass as she works with different equipment, most notably a walker. After about the hundredth time of him telling her to keep going when she's clearly exhausted, she breaks down.

"I can't do it! My legs won't work – I'm just going to fall!" He nods to me, and I slide the wheelchair up behind her and we ease her into it as she collapses. She's in tears as I move to place her feet on the leg rests.

"Don't put her feet up yet, Bella. We're just taking a break, we're not finished."

"Just leave me alone, I can't do it!"

"Yes you can." His voice is a calm counterbalance to hers. I see her look intensify, and she shakes. Her frustrated scream is unexpected.

"It doesn't work – it's gone!" I'm confused as her blue eyes meet mine. "I tried to make him stop and just take me away from here, but my power doesn't work. It's gone, just like walking, and going to the bathroom alone, and feeding myself, and not being a helpless feeb. I'm useless!" She dissolves in tears, and I do my best to sooth her.

Carlisle comes to stand in front of her. "Did I tell you this was going to be easy? Did you think you'd just do a few exercises and walk out of here? I expect you to _work _Yanna, not cry about how bad you've got it. There's no room to throw a pity party in here!"

"Carlisle, that's enough!" His callousness has hit a nerve, and I stand to face him.. "She's just had major surgery, and she's tired. You're asking a lot of her!"

"And you're interfering with my patient! She's the one who skipped breakfast, and don't forget she just tried to control me. She's not a baby Bella, and if you treat her like one, she'll continue to be helpless!" He paces away and runs both hands through his hair. With a growl he turns to face me. "I'll be back, I need a minute." He leaves in a hurry, leaving us both stunned.

Yanna wipes her eyes and looks up at me. "I'm sorry I tried to control him. Don't fight over me... I'm not worth it."

I kneel down at her level. "You've got to stop thinking like that. You have value for more than your power. That's Joham's training talking. Don't believe his lies, or he wins." I reach up and wipe another tear from her eye, then tuck her hair behind her ear. "You'll get better, I know you will. Carlisle's the best doctor I've ever seen. Just yesterday we thought you would die, and now you're sitting up and trying to walk. That's amazing progress! Maybe his bedside manner needs a little work, but he means well." Her eyes widen. "He's standing right behind me, isn't he?" She nods.

I stand in a hurry and he smirks. "I've got a thing or two to say about my 'bedside manner' – in private." Yanna giggles.

"As for you..." He hands her what looks like a big coffee cup with a lid. "...breakfast of champions." As soon as she opens it, I know it's blood, and it's human. "Drink up, we've still got work to do." He takes my elbow. "Just give me five minutes with my fiance." He guides me from the room and down the hall a bit, just out of hearing range.

"I didn't mean to snap at you, and I'm sorry. I'm not used to anyone coming between me and my patients. This..." He indicates the hospital and his white coat. "...is where I'm the authority. I've been a doctor for a lot of years, and I'm _very_ good at my job. Maybe I'm a little harsh and a little too gruff, but I'm more interested in results than making her feel good. With this kind of brain injury, we have a very small window to regain as much of her mobility as we can. For my human patients, these things don't get better over time. Muscle tone is quickly lost, and after therapy it becomes about compensating for losses, rather than regaining control."

"I'm sorry – I didn't know. But..." He raises his eyebrows expectantly. "...but you seem so hard, and cold. It's not like you."

"Bella, she doesn't need me to coddle her. Haven't you ever heard of tough love?"

"I think I got my own demonstration on the island." We both remembered just how tough he was then. He pulls me close with a groan, and just holds me tight.

"I'm so sorry about that." He rubs his cheek against the part of my face he'd slapped. "I was a total ass." He kisses me there, as his fingers comb through my hair. "That's not tough love, Bella, that was raw pain and denial. I think I had some grieving to do as well."

"And all the time you tried to convince me you were above it all."

"As if you'd let me." He gives me a soft little smile. "You know, if I were alone I could have packed everything into a neat little mental box, and shoved it in the attic. But you confronted me and confounded me at every turn. Right from the beginning when I found you naked on the beach..." He squeezes his eyes closed, as if to banish the memory.

"I forgot about that." I'm suddenly embarrassed.

"I wish I could forget. Even barely alive and covered in sand the image haunts me. I didn't think of you as a woman then, but I remember holding you in my arms, and you were warm from the sun. I put you in bed, and there was just a moment when I thought about joining you there." He sighs. "I think that was the first challenge I faced on the island. I had it in my mind that I was going to be alone for a very long time. Still, every time I looked at you, there was this whisper in the back of my mind that I didn't have to be alone. But you were so stuck in your grief."

"Is that where the tough love came in?" I slide my hands over his back, thankful I managed to let go before I lost him.

"Maybe. I just knew I wasn't going to let you drown in your grief. Everyone else just left you wallow in it, and two years went by and you were ready to give up. I'm so glad the hurricane kept us stranded there. I managed to snap you out of your mourning, but I don't think I would have made any connection with you if we'd just flown back home."

"I'm glad too." I smile up at him. "So, showing me the pictures of the baby and not letting me have them was tough love? And making me bury the goat by myself?"

"And the surfing – but I think that was a lot harder on me than it was on you." He smiles. "I don't know what was worse, the damn surfboards or that red bikini. I kept fighting not to see you as a woman, but sometimes that was _all _I could see. Just lying in the bed and holding you... it was supposed to be innocent. But it was putting an impression of you in my arms and in my mind."

I sigh and snuggle against him. "I still remember how good you looked in a towel. You weren't alone in feeling things change. I could have made love to you on the beach, right out in the open."

"I thought we decided that would have just been sex." He kisses the top of my head.

"Sex on the beach is a drink. I really don't think I can just have sex, or Aro and I might have. No, it would have been making love. I think I was falling for you even then. It was just buried under so much mental mess, and guilt. My body knew what my mind didn't want to admit – I wanted you."

He tips my chin up and we kiss. I feel the passion of that day on the beach, and wish we'd made love, before he insisted on marriage first.

"You just going to leave me sitting there all day, while you two sneak off to suck face?" Yanna is slowly rolling down the hall in her chair. One hand pushes the wheel, and one foot pushes her along. She keeps bumping the wall, and pushing off with her listless left arm. I pull away from Carlisle and hurry to her side. He follows slowly, with a satisfied smile on his face.

"Now that's what I'm talking about! Look how hard you worked to get here, that's the kind of effort I want to see." He takes hold of the chair and turns her around, making her groan as he backtracks to the physical therapy room. Once again we're back where we started. "Let's give it another try."

I take a seat against the wall, and keep quiet. He pushes and cajoles her to hold the walker and take step after step, and I grudgingly notice she's going further than before. I can hear she's breathing hard, and her heart is beating faster. I'd say something, but I know he can hear it too. He glances at her chair, and I'm ready to push it to her, but instead he helps her turn, and makes her walk back. She collapses into her chair, but doesn't complain. I think she must be finished, but he has her stand and sit several times, encouraging her to sit rather than fall.

"This is what you'll need to use the bathroom by yourself – sit, stand, turn, and walk. You've almost got it, and you can cross one thing off your list." I don't have to read minds to see it dawn on her that he's been pushing her so hard for her own benefit. His satisfied smile is answered by hers, and when she reaches out to him, he bends for her hug. I sit quietly and fall in love with him all over again.

From physical therapy, we go back to her room and begin to pack up her things. Without fanfare, we wheel her out of the hospital, and while I wait with her, he brings the car for us. We settle her in the backseat and fold the wheelchair into the trunk. Her walker folds beside her, and I take my place next to him.

We drive back to Volterra, and it's as if I can feel the stress and tension settle over me. There's so many unresolved issues waiting for us, and as we drive through the gate, I feel almost claustrophobic inside the thick walls.

He takes my hand as he drives slowly over the cobblestones. "Stop worrying, everything's going to work out." He kisses my hand as he pulls up to the front of the complex and parks the car. We help Yanna into the chair and one of the guard takes the car as we push her inside. Everyone seems to be looking our way as we wheel her toward the elevator.

We don't make it. Aro and his children are obviously returning from the music room. Armando carries an instrument case and Aurora holds Aro's hand. Arianna's gasp of "my god!" echos through the room. We all stare for too long.

Arianna runs our way, and Yanna puts up her right arm to block her. She's not attacking, but instead she falls to her knees and takes her hand. "I'm so sorry! I'm so very very sorry! I didn't know he tortured you too! I'm so sorry I hurt you... please forgive me! Armando told me everything. He was such an evil man – I thought you were working for him. I didn't know you were his puppet too." She stops to take in Yanna's condition. "My god, I can't believe I did this to you! You should have stopped me, why didn't you fight back?"

Yanna softly whispers. "I helped him rape you – I should have fought harder. You needed a chance to get it out of your system, and it was already too late for me. He already ruined me. I can't heal normally, I can't have children, and I can't stand to get close to a man. And now I can't use my power anymore – that should make you happy."

"i wish I could take it all back – I'm so sorry." She buries her face in her lap. Yanna gingerly runs her hand through her dark curls.

"It's so good to see you're still with us, Dora." Aro releases Aurora's hand and stands awkwardly beside his weeping daughter.

"Dora's dead. I'm Yanna." She meets his eyes defiantly. "Yanna Cullen." The significance of the last name isn't lost on Aro. She'd shared with me that Caius was created at a time before surnames were widely used. Because he had no last name, she'd never had one either. In calling herself Cullen, she was claiming a new family as well as a new identity.

"I see. Would someone care to fill me in?" He removes his glove and holds his hand out, as if he expects us to dump our memories into his open palm.

"You know that's no longer required of any of us." Carlisle doesn't make a move, and he can't read me. I'm surprised when Yanna reaches up and takes his hand. She doesn't just touch him, but holds him, looking into his eyes as he clearly reads several unpleasant thoughts. He pulls away.

"So, you're getting married." He looks at me, and I can see sadness, loneliness, and resignation cross his face and disappear. "Good luck." His voice is somber, and he doesn't even look at Carlisle. He pushes his hand back into his glove. "Arianna..." He helps her stand and get herself under control. He puts his arm around her and she leans against him.

He looks down at Yanna. "I had no idea he did so many evil things to you, or my daughter. Had I been in control of my own mind, I would have torn him apart myself. You have my apologies as well."

I watch as he turns and leads his children away. I stoop down and fold Yanna into my arms and just hold her. "You were so brave, that couldn't have been easy."

"I'm okay. I think this makes us even."

"She almost killed you, how can you say that?" It still surprises me to hear how worthless she thinks she is.

She looks at me directly. "I used my power to force her to do what he wanted. Had our places been reversed, I'd try to kill me too." I remembered her own attempt on my life.

"Maybe we need a little less revenge around here." I kiss her cheek and stand up.

"Let's get you settled before we have any more drama." We nearly make it to my room, but drama is waiting for us outside.

Sabrina looks nervous that we've found her there. "I was just going to leave you this." She thrusts a folded letter at Yanna. "I'm sorry... I didn't know you were coming back so soon." She quickly wipes away a tear. "I... everything's in the letter." She indicates the paper Yanna holds. "I'm sorry Dorie, I just can't do this anymore!" She turns and flees down the hall, wiping tears as she goes.

Inside the room, Yanna unfolds the letter. "I guess I knew this was going to happen." Her hand shakes, and she cries. "We've only been together for four months, but I thought we had something..." I move to hug her, but she waves me away. "It's okay... I'm going to be alright. She's only human, right?" She pretends to laugh and looks up at Carlisle. "Am I allowed to go to bed now, or do I have more work to do?"

Wordlessly he locks the chair wheels and sets the walker in front of her. "How bad do you want it?" He doesn't let me help her stand, and she manages to pull herself up and scoot the walker to the bed. She even turns around, but she's too short to sit on the high bed, and we both help her. I take over getting her comfortable with pillows and blankets.

Once she's comfortable, I gather fresh clothes and slip into the bathroom to change out of my rumpled outfit. It's a simple sundress and sandals, but I like how he looks at me.

"If you need us, we'll be across the hall. We can hear you if you call?" I'm surprised he's leaving her alone. "We'll bring you something to eat in a couple hours, okay?" She only nods.

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay?" I want to go with him, but I also feel as protective as a mother with her.

"I'd rather be alone... if you don't mind." Carlisle guides me out of the room.

Even before we make it to his, Alice rushes out of her room and excitedly throws her arms around me, and then him. "You're getting married!" She beams. "I never thought I could be happy about it – but I am! Oh my gosh, the wedding is going to be awesome! I'm already looking at dresses for you – it's going to be huge!" We both stare at her.

"Oh, I'm sorry, you two want to be alone... " She looks at me, suddenly serious. "I have something for you. I think this is when I'm supposed to give it to you. I'm sorry." Her hand shakes as she hands me the folded paper, not unlike the one Yanna just received. She turns and retreats to her own room. I feel dizzy as I look at the paper and it's one word – _Bella._ It's in Edward's writing.

I haven't been inside Carlisle's Volterra room. It's large, with a desk, file cabinets and chairs. There's no bed, but instead there's a large sectional couch filling the L of two walls. He leads me there and I sit. He puts his arm around me, and I wonder if that's even appropriate. But I need him here as I open the letter and read.

_ My dearest Bella,_

_ Please forgive me. Tomorrow we go to war, and I fear I will not survive the day. I will fight for all I'm worth to make it through and stay by your side forever. But if you're reading this, I wasn't successful. I don't know how to say I'm sorry in a way to make up for failing you. _

_ Don't blame Alice. Please, I know she's right about not telling you about her visions. She couldn't hide them all from me, as they're tearing her apart. I told her I wanted to see them all, and just an hour ago I finished walking through her mind. I now know what I have to do. We have to stop them no matter the cost. Bella it's not just about us. It's not even about the threat specifically to our daughter. It's about world domination. _

_ I have viewed Armageddon in her mind. I have seen the four horsemen of the Apocalypse, hidden under red cowls. It's a losing battle I saw, over and over, no matter how we thought to fight them. In order to win, we have to lose. In order to protect your lives, we have to lose ours. _

_ All I can think about is how much I love you. It tears me up that I won't get to be with you in our forever. I won't get to hold our grandchild, and see our daughter start her own family. Bella my love, I know there is no other way. One thing I am certain of, now more than ever – I have a soul. My heart is breaking at the thought of being separated from you, but it is well with my soul. The future they have planned is so horrific, I know to oppose them puts me on the side of God and his angels. I have glimpsed Hell in her mind. I worry for Alice, as she carries so much on her small shoulders. I watch her splinter a little more each time a new vision emerges. I'm so glad she has you for a friend. _

_ I don't know how to write this part. You are my life, and I love you enough to lay mine down for you. But I want you to let me go. I'll watch over you from Heaven, but you can't hold me on Earth. I want you to let go and love again. Find a good man who will treat you right, and don't hold back because of me. You will honor me with your desire to love and trust again. I hope I have inspired you to always want love in your life. Find someone who is worthy of you, and reach for happiness with both hands. Please. I'm begging you, don't face eternity alone. _

_ I wish I had time to write about everything your love has meant to me. It would fill a book – and we know where it would be shelved. You are my heart. You have been a precious gift to me, and even though I face death, know that you made me the luckiest man on Earth. I wish I had time for one more dance, one more night in your arms, one more lullaby. _

_ How do I close? I still have to write a letter for our daughter – dear God what do I say? I know I'm leaving her in the best hands. Take care of each other._

_I love you more than life,_

_Edward _

I can't cry. The tortured sounds that crawl out of me are muffled against Carlisle's chest as he holds me. I don't feel guilt for seeking the comfort of his arms. In just one page of ink, Edward has taken all the guilt and shame I might ordinarily feel. He took it with him into nothingness. I can't believe he wanted me to find someone else. Even before he died he was letting me go. I wonder if he could have known – maybe saw some glimpse of it in her mind. Our daughter may not be able to understand and forgive me, but Edward has.

I clutch Carlisle so tight. The rumpled letter has let me know that I can never stop loving Edward. He was one in a million, and I'll never forget how good and wonderful he was. But what I feel for him is separate from what I feel for Carlisle. They're in two different parts of my life, neither standing in the other's shadow. I can love Carlisle, because I loved Edward, not in spite of it.

I hand him the letter and he sets it aside – he's already read it. I look up at him, and see he's feeling the same depths of emotion I'm feeling. I touch his face and smooth the worry lines from between his eyes.

"I love you." I whisper. "I want to be with you – always." He doesn't say a word, but kisses me. Hunger, need, and unrestrained passion possess him, as he possess me. We don't breathe. We cling, taste, hold, clutch, press, and devour one another. He freely touches me, inciting me into a frenzy of need that only he can fill. Then he tears away from me, gasping.

"Marry me, Bella!"

"I already said yes." He's confusing me with his hot/ cold approach.

"No. I mean marry me _now_!" He gets up and pulls me to my feet. We're in the hallway and I still don't know what he's thinking. We listen at the door, and Yanna is asleep. We hurry through the complex and out the door. It's around two, and we hide in shadows and alley's as he leads me down the narrow streets. We rush up the steps of the cathedral and he stops me in the shadows of the great doors and the cherubs overhead.

"Weddings have changed over the years. All the traditions we think are so important have been added little by little over the decades. When I was a clergyman, a marriage was more an agreement, and all I had to do was bless the union. Usually a young woman was given by her family to her intended husband. In some cases he too was given to her. There was a dowry involved, and often a price he paid for her." He smiles at me, and I feel excited just looking at him.

"In my day, the couple and the wedding party would process through the streets in celebration. They would come to the steps of the church, where the actual ceremony would take place." He looks at me meaningfully. "We're both widowed, so we don't need our parent's permission. We don't need a procession, or a dowry or any payment to our respective families." He takes my hands in his and his eyes gaze into mine.

"Bella, marriage is about a promise. It's a sacred vow between two people, before God." He recites the love chapter from the Bible from memory. He smiles as he takes a silk cord from his pocket. Holding my right hand, he wraps the cord around our two hands, loosely binding us together.

He pulls me close, and his voice is for my ears only. "I promise, here and now before God, to love you, cherish you, exalt you, protect you, and treasure you always. I promise to be with you no matter what this life and this world sends our way. Everything I have and everything I am is yours, as long as we both live. I freely make this covenant with you, and by the grace of God, may it last for all eternity." He squeezes my hand. "Will you have me as your husband, Bella?"

"Yes." I breathe. Then I recite his words back to him. "I promise here and now before God...may it last for all eternity. You've given me my life back, and I want to marry you. Will you have me as your wife, Carlisle?"

"Absolutely, without a doubt." He smiles, and I can't help but grin. He unties our hands and kisses my fingers. "As a symbol of this promise made..." He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a ring and slides it onto my finger. It's solid, with two white stones aside a large blue one.

"I love blue topaz."

"I'll try to remember that. This one's a blue diamond, and two white diamonds. The white diamonds represent..."

"...our first marriages." I interrupt.

"Yes." He smiles. "I'm glad you understand. I don't think anyone but you could understand why I would pay them a tribute like this." I touch the white stones, and remember them. "The blue diamond is..."

"...to remember your blue eyes?"

"We're barely married and you're already finishing my sentences." He laughs softly. "I'd like to think it's for hope. It's not nearly as large as the hope diamond, but I like the idea it could stand for hope."

"It's perfect."

"We can tell everyone it's an engagement ring, but you and I will know it's a wedding ring. We've only got one more thing to do." He takes my hand and opens the big doors to lead me inside. The sound of the doors brings a priest and two others out to investigate as he leads me up the aisle of the cathedral. There are no services for the day, but the priest seems to know we're not tourists.

"Will you bless us, father? Me, my wife, and our marriage?" The confused priest's heart beats faster, but he leads us in prayer, asking that we kneel. My head swims with Latin, incense, holy water, and a blessing. Thirty minutes later, we walk back down the aisle.

Standing at the back of the quiet cathedral he takes me in his arms. "That's it. Everything that matters has been done. We're married. You're my wife, and I'm your husband. I need to kiss you now." His kiss is so soft and yet so full of all the passion and promise that lead us here. "Let's go."

He leads me back to the complex, and it's as if nothing has happened. We stop in the cafe and gt lunch for Yanna. Instead of taking it to her, he taps on Alice's door.

"Would you mind helping Yanna with her dinner? Bella and I have some things to attend to." Alice looks a little confused, but she agrees. "Don't let her make you do all the work, she has to learn to do it for herself – be tough."

He doesn't explain himself, but leads me down the hall. We take the elevator to the older part of the building, and he leads me through a maze of hallways. We finally come to a door all by itself, and he takes a key from his magic pocket and unlocks the door.

"Jasper told me about this room. It doesn't belong to anyone, but he suspects it was a trysting place for one of the ancients who didn't make it home. He actually spent a day hiding out here himself, while the guard was chasing false leads. He gave me the only key."

He opens the door onto a different century. I'm about to walk in when he scoops me up and carries me in. "Welcome to our honeymoon suite, my love." He sets me down near the bed, and turns to lock the door. I can only stare at the room. It looks like it's right out of a museum. There are landscape murals painted on the walls. The floor is marble, with thick carpets, and even furs scattered about. The fireplace is enormous, and the wood stacked beside the hearth proves it's to be used. The chandelier overhead is coated in wax, dripped from countless candles. The sconces on the walls hold oil lamps, and everything in the room seems to be trimmed in gold leaf.

Then there's the bed, sitting on it's own platform. It's a massive carved canopy bed, with damask curtains pulled back and tied with tassels. I stare at it, as the afternoon sun spills across the coverlet. He comes up behind me and slides his arms around my middle. His kisses on the back of my neck try to steal my attention from the bed.

"Do you feel married yet, Bella?" I turn in his arms to face him.

"It feels a little surreal. I love you, and that's not going to change, no matter what kind of ceremony we go through. I think it's going to take some getting used to."

"I know what you mean. We can have a wedding later, with all the ceremony, traditions, and guests." He pulls me snugly against him. "But I'm your husband _now._ As far as I'm concerned, you're my wife, from here on out. It's about the commitment, not the ceremony."

"Can we take the coverlet off the bed, I don't want to ruin it." He looks a little confused, but he helps me fold down the coverlet, exposing clean, white sheets. I step away from the bed, feeling nervous. I back into him, and he holds me, again kissing my neck. He moves his hands over my stomach, and boldly up over my breasts. I moan.

I turn and capture his lips with mine. Nervous or not, I want him. "Carlisle, please make love to me." I've asked him more than once and been turned down, but this time he picks me up and carries me to the bed. Crisp, clean sheets slide against my back, and a hungry predator attacks my front. Just the weight of him makes me crazy, and I wantonly press my hips against him.

He kisses me, hard. His hands tangle in my hair hold me still for his assault. Lips, tongue, and teeth push against me, and I welcome him, with my hands fisted in his hair. The sundress I put on this afternoon has wide straps, and his fingers move under them. He kisses down my neck, as he pulls the dress down my body, until it's off. I resist the urge to cover myself with my arms, as he kneels on the bed, just looking at me.

His look of hunger holds me still in anticipation, and I watch him take off his tie and shirts. He quickly stands and I stare as he removes his pants. His sock s are barely an afterthought, and he's nearly naked when he joins me again. Two scraps of underwear are all that keeps us apart. I feel his bare chest against mine, and can't help but think from here on out, it's the first time for us – the first time of many.

Kisses, with his hands moving softly over my peaks. He nuzzles my neck and his hands learn my skin, teasing and touching, as I moan and press against him. His lips blaze a fiery line lower, where he licks between my breasts and I sigh.

"Taste me... I want to feel your mouth on me." His hands urge my peaks to hard nubs, before he eagerly captures one in his hot mouth. I cry out and press against him as my fingers play with the silk of his hair. One word, soft, breathy, satisfied..."yessss." He already knows my body, as his mouth and hand trade places, doubling the satisfaction. "...love you... need you...Carlisle please..."

Exquisite torture...hungry sucking...gentle nips...firm hands...wet lascivious tongue...trading again and again until I cry out and beg him for more.

His fingers glide along the waistband of my last barrier, and ease them down. He's seen me naked before, but he's never seen me in so much in need. Late day sun dances over my skin, and his eyes drink me in. I can plainly see his arousal fighting his loose boxers, and I long to see him in his glory.

I sit quickly and catch hold of his shorts, as my other hand traces his length under the fabric. "I want to see you too." The look of wonder on his face vaguely reminds me that Esme was a woman from a different century. I've surprised him with my openness, and I eagerly exploit his wonder. I carefully pull the elastic over him, and gasp at what I find. A living personification of need greets me, and I long to satisfy both our needs.

I push the fabric to his knees, and slide my fingers around him. He groans my name, leaning into me and crawling forward enough to dislodge his underwear and tear them away. We're both naked and he's beautiful, looking down in awe as both my hands glide over him. I love the way his hair falls forward over his face, making him look so boyish and adorable.

I fondle. I caress. I take his hunger and his need firmly in my hands and love him as he gasps. Unexpectedly I taste him. "Bella... girl you're going to kill me!" Taste, lick, tease, encircle, engulf, fully taking him into me – no need to breathe. Love him! His deep groans,...his fingers combing through my hair... his hips softly rocking against me... his adoring eyes watching every move I make.

When I stop I leave him nearly as wet as he's left me. "Make love to me Carlisle...my husband." I meet his eyes and watch the emotions play over his face. He's beautiful, and I adore him. "I need you – in me. I'm yours baby, you don't have to wait anymore. You don't have to hold back... I want all of you." My words settle a look on his face that would have made my heart skip a beat if it could. Hunger, need, desire, and lust – raw and unapologetic.

I kiss him, then lie back as he stares at me. I know he wants me, but he seems undecided. I'm unfamiliar territory for him. He has seen me as fragile for so long, he doesn't know the woman I am now – the woman who needs him desperately.

I know my behavior may shock him, but I'm beyond caring. I spread my legs, sliding my feet up in the bed and raising my knees. I meet his eyes and suck my finger. His eyes follow it as I slide it along hungry flesh. I sigh. "You're turn... I need you Carlisle... please don't keep me waiting. I meet his eyes, and smile wickedly. "Fuck me baby."

I hear his gasp as he moves quickly to cover me. I feel his weight on me... his hands , touching, feeling, and groping my body as if he could explore it all in an instant. His mouth fastens on mine, more ravenous than ever, and his hard need slides against me and makes me moan. I revel in the feel of his strong muscles, as my hand plays over his behind. I clutch him, guide him, and encourage him.

His mouth tears away from mine, and he stares down at me as he tears into me. Hard and full, and everything I crave, he pushes into me as if he could go through me! A crashing thunderstorm ending a two year drought.

"Yes! I love it! Don't stop...don't ever, ever, stop!" He pulls back, leaving me empty before reclaiming me even harder. Slow at first, he tests me... can I really take this? Do I really want him unrestrained? I can and I do.

I do all I can to encourage and meet his passion with my own. I arch against him, move my own hips, and praise him with my words and sounds. He's amazing. His eyes keep coming back to mine, as if he expects to find something to stop him or slow him. I beg him for more.

And he gives_ more. _Words give way to guttural sounds. I cling to him as he uses my body shamelessly – masterfully. I'm his. I'm so his. My thoughts are condensed to the feel of every nerve in my body answering to his will alone. I exist just to meet his need..._my need._ My Carlisle. My love. My one. My only. My husband. Again and again I cry out and sing his praise.

The crash only makes him pause. The mattress of the bed has collapsed to the floor. I wrap my legs around him so he doesn't think of stopping. He laughs, then kisses me, while his hips make me writhe and grunt against his lips.

"Bella... dear lord... you're phenomenal! Hold on." He moves, rolling to his back to pull me atop him. I gaze down in wonder as his hips continue to drive me crazy. I sit up and add my own movements to his. I take him. My vampire strength. My need. We move together, both of us learning our own rhythm and cadence. I can't get enough.

I lean forward, pressing my chest to his and kissing him. Soft, tender kisses, as our needs make demands on us. It's more than I ever imagined, and it's building to too much. I feel it, like a tide coming in to wash me away.

"Bella please..." He gasps as I press myself against him. I shudder as the first wave crashes over me. I cry out as I feel his release within me. The waves come hard and fast, and leave me gasping... mewling into his neck as he finishes with me. It's perfect.

I lie still, just feeling every connection between us. I hold him in me as long as I can. He's a part of me now, not just physically, but in every way possible. He's written on my soul. When he shifts, I mourn the loss of him. We move to lie on our sides, and our legs layer together. We gaze in silence at one another. I love him. I never knew I could love another so much, but I do.

"I love you, Bella." He smiles, as if it's news to him. "You're incredible. I've never let go like that before. Making love with you is so much more than I ever thought it could be. I didn't hurt you, did I?"

I have to laugh. "Carlisle, I'm a vampire. You can't hurt me. I love watching you lose control. I love everything about you. You're such a passionate lover – I have no complaints.

"I really wanted to be gentle our first time. I wanted to romance you with soft music and candlelight. I wanted to learn every part of your body, and just worship you."

"You didn't like this?" Could I have been so mistaken?

He growls. "I _loved _it! But I wanted to do more for _you_. I feel so selfish the way I just used you." I slide my hand into his hair – god I love his hair – and kiss him.

"I loved it too. You weren't selfish, you gave me what I wanted. You gave me _you._ I want all of you; every wild, unrestrained, selfish, passionate, part of you. I needed you that way. I needed to know you were making love with _me, _not..."

"I'm not thinking of anyone else. Bella it's you I love." He interrupts.

I giggle. "Now look who's finishing sentences. What I was saying is, I'm not that fragile little girl anymore. You've put so much effort into protecting me from myself..." I kiss him. "...but you don't have to protect me from _you_. I love you. If you want to break the bed when we make love, that's fine with me." We both laugh as we look around.

"Antique slats. It's not my fault, really." He looks so cute in his young/old way.

"I was there, remember? It was totally you. I"m sure it registered on the Richter scale somewhere – you're a force of nature."

"I could say the same about you. And what's with that dirty sex talk?" He rolls onto me and gazes down on me with a smile.

"You were driving me crazy. I just wanted you to..." I bite my lip and look up at him. "Did it bother you?"

"It has it's appeal. You definitely set something loose in me." He kisses me, and I feel him move against me, aroused again. Maybe I've created a monster – a horny vampire!

I smile at my personal joke. I'm definitely feeling married now. The light through the window casts the room in an orange glow as the sun drops low in the sky. My husband wakes up the monster in me – again.

**A/N: Whew! It's a long chapter, and a lot happened. It only took 28 chapters to get here! **

**If you like this story and my writing, I've just finished editing an earlier story I wrote. It's about Stefan and an original character. Since little was written about the Romanian vamps, I had fun playing fast and loose with cannon. I wrote it before he was cast for Breaking Dawn, and in my head my Stefan looks like Maksim Mrvica. (I know it's cheap to offer a visual, but he's adorable.) **

**If you get bored waiting for updates, or if you have time over the holidays, you might want to check this one out. As I went through it again, I realized just how much I loved it. It does have many of the cannon characters in it, but not until late in the story. I've also changed the rating and added some lemon zest. **

**Have a Merry Christmas everyone!**


	29. Chapter 29 Surprises

Chapter 29

Surprises

It''s dark in the room. It's the kind of total darkness that leaves you confused about direction and makes you trip over furniture if you get up and walk around. It's the kind that confounds even vampire vision. I snuggle into his closeness. I can't see him but I can feel him, and he's the only thing that matters to me. His hands lightly teasing over me. His body, blissfully naked against mine. His mouth on the back of my neck. He turns me to face him, and I nestle in the circle of his arms, feeling the press of his body along mine.

I'm so spent, even the thought of making love with him again has abandoned me. He lies harmless as an extinct volcano...well, dormant at least. No rumbles of fire within him as yet. I sigh contentedly as I press my face against the base of his throat, inhaling his fragrance.

"I love you." His soft murmur against my hair breaks the silence of the room.

"I know." I giggle softly and kiss the hollow of his throat. "You love me so much I'll be lucky if I can walk in the morning."

He groans and pulls me up, so we're face to face. "It's more than that, Bella." His breath brushes my cheek. "I... I can't even put into words how deeply I feel for you. I mean... I don't want to minimize what I had before. I don't want to compare you... you understand... right?"

"I know what you mean." I'm glad he can't see my face, because he would know that there are comparisons. I've already unwillingly compared them.

"But it's like with you there are no limits. I've never felt so completely accepted before. Fighting to win my father's approval left me with this need to always be what someone else wants me to be. It's like even in love I played a role. But not now. You give me permission to be... just me. Do you know how amazing that is? In three hundred and seventy-five years, this is the first time I've felt so loved and accepted."

His admission humbles me. I'm stunned that I can give this perfect man something he never had before. I don't want to think about our pasts, but it's there in his admission. I would have thought they had perfection. I would have thought I'd be in her shadow.

He seems to know where my mind has gone. "She'd been abused. Not only that, but she was refined and proper. Women raised back then were just different than they are now. Some things were always off limits. I never went out of bounds with her... she needed to know she was safe with me – even when it was impossible to hurt her."

"He..." I feel like it's unfair to him, to share what was private between us. But I want to share it because it's a part of me too. "...he was always so protective of me, especially when I was human. His protection often made me feel rejected. I was covered in bruises after our first time. He was horrified and didn't even want to touch me after that. The bruises didn't hurt as much as his rejection did."

"I'm sorry. I guess I'm lucky you can't get bruised." He holds me snugly.

"It didn't help that I conceived on our honeymoon. Even after my change, there was always Nessie to worry about. I used to envy Emmett and Rosaile in the way they were always so unrestrained with each other. I mean it's not that he had no passion – he did – but he often behaved as if he thought it was something wrong with him. I always felt like he wanted – _needed_ – me to be better. He fell for the sweet girl next door, and I couldn't stray too far from that image." He rubs his cheek against mine as I reveal what he may not know about me.

"I was a child of divorce. Even as young as I was, I felt like it was my fault. Maybe if I didn't get dirty making mud pies... maybe if I wasn't so clumsy... maybe if I was prettier, mommy and daddy would stay together. In the back of my mind, I always feared that if she could leave my daddy, she could leave me. I learned to take care of my mom, since it made me useful. I did the same for my dad. There was always a part of me that felt like I was unworthy to be loved and accepted for who I was." His arms tighten around me.

"I loved him so much, so fast. I was always afraid he would discover that I wasn't special or lovable, and leave. And then he did. Don't ever leave me – even to protect me."

"Never. You are special and you are lovable. I want to know all of you. I want you to know there's nothing you can't share with me. Even if it's dark and makes you feel ashamed, I'll still love you. Gabriella hid her needs from me, and I lost her. You don't have to hide anything from me."

"I never told him... I think I liked the danger. I knew he wouldn't hurt me, but there was always that dangerous undercurrent that said he _could._ I think it's what attracted me to Jacob as well, when I wasn't the least bit interested in him when he was just a boy. There's this charged atmosphere that's almost electric. It's like I could feel this adrenaline rush just being around them. I imagine lion tamers must feel it. I felt it with Aro as well – that feeling of being in the presence of a barely controlled predator."

"I must be a let down for you." His voice is soft and sad.

"Not at all!" I hold him tight, and kiss his face in the dark. "You are the kindest, gentlest, most compassionate, controlled man I know. I adore that about you. "But I feel there is so much more to you... a power and a passion that's been held in a cage by the strongest of wills. It's like going to the aquarium and watching the sharks swimming behind the glass. The glass wall has to be strong to hold in so much raw power – am I making any sense?"

"I think you understand me. I've always had to make sure those sharks can't threaten anyone on the other side of the glass."

"Maybe I want to get in the tank and swim with the sharks."

"Bella... " He groans. "You better be careful, you could get eaten."

I smile and catch his lip between my teeth, just to tease him. "I was hoping you'd say that...but maybe we should recover a little first."

He makes a soft noise deep in his throat that sends shivers through me. The volcano awakens.

The predawn light outlines his body. We're at opposite ends of the bed, and I trace my fingernails lightly over his feet. He flinches away. I run my hands over his legs, and the hair tickles my palms. He's so strong and solid, I just want to knead his flesh like a masseuse. I reach his knees and move closer to the center of the bed so I can explore his thighs. I don't want to initiate another round of lovemaking, but I want to touch him. Everything that used to be off limits is now married to me!

I pounce on him, and lie across his lower back. He relaxes on his stomach with his face pillowed on his arms. I caress up his thighs, letting my hands delve between them, and back over his round bottom.

"Bella, what are you doing? I thought you were too tired to go again."

"I'm never too tired for you. But I don't want to make love... yet. I just want to touch you, and playwith all your interesting man parts. I especially like this part." I squeeze his glutes, and he moans softly. I let my fingers explore the crevice between.

"Bella... what are you up to?"

"Don't worry, you haven't used it for anything nasty in over three hundred years." I massage his behind, and slide my hands down his thighs. "In fact, except for sitting, and filling out your pants in that sexy way, it's practically wasted space. I think you should just let me have it. I'm sure I could find something to do with it." I kiss his firm derriere. "Maybe I could plant some flowers here..." I kiss his other cheek. "...or use it as a jewelry box." I nip him and giggle as he rolls over.

"Are you quite finished taking my inventory?" he asks, as I crawl up his chest and lie on top of him.

"Nope. There's a lot more of you I still want to touch, and taste, and kiss."

"You're incorrigible!"

"I know... incorrigible, that's me." I smile at him.

"I love you like crazy, even if you want to plant flowers in my arse."

His comical look, his words, and the absolute happiness I feel with him, overwhelms me and I laugh out loud. "I don't think I've ever heard you talk like that! Doctor Cullen, what would your patients think?"

"I can only speak for the men." He holds my face in his hands and kisses me thoroughly. "They would be jealous – that I have this beautiful, passionate, sexy, funny, _incorrigible_ wife, and she's lying naked on me... no doubt they would envy me."

"I don't think I ever want to get dressed again. I wish there was a way to just lounge around naked with you from now on."

"You are so cute! I love that idea, but I think you'd get tired of me."

"I'm never going to get tired of you Carlisle. I love this... I love _you_."

"Well, I think we've got a few responsibilities that sort of demand getting out of bed, and dressing."

"Name one." I slide my hands around and squeeze my new favorite part.

"Yanna." He returns the favor.

I groan. "Aw, that's not fair... Alice can handle her. Name one more."

"Jasper."

"Buzz kill. Alice can handle him too." I kiss his nose. "It's settled then; you and me, alone and naked, forever."

"Fine. You and me, alone and naked, for... at least a few more hours."

"Aww, it sounds like the respectable Doctor Cullen is coming back to ruin my fun."

"I know how you feel. He ruins my fun too." He kisses me... kisses me so hungrily it steals my will. He flips me, and continues to kiss me in a way that threatens to initiate a one more time in my body. Then he stops and abruptly pulls away.

"Come on Missus Cullen, let's take a bath." He holds his hand out to help me up.

"What? Why?" He wants to leave our cozy little nest now that the sun is up and I can see him clearly.

"Come on... I want to see you wet – again." I wonder if that's some sexual innuendo, then I remember our time on the island. I take his hand and step out from behind the drapes, over the bed frame, and down from the platform.

I'd forgotten about the tub. It's a massive concoction of porcelain and gilt. It's also surprisingly hooked up to modern plumbing, and he eagerly sets the water to fill it. Before we get in, he pulls me close, and we just stand, pressed together, as our eyes take each other in.

"I am so _happy._... my god, Bella... I just can't contain it. I tried to pretend I didn't need to be loved... I've gone without it before. I just thought I needed to be a man and get over it. I was so _wrong._ You... this is precious. You have given me so much more than I dreamed was possible."

"I could say the same about you. I just don't have the words... you saved my life, and made it worth living again." The water gushing into the tub stops our own gushing.

We sit in the tub, with no bubbles or oils, just heat and wet, and nakedness. He looks good wet, especially when I dump water over his head to relax his hair out of it's severe style. He didn't expect the dousing, and his counter attack pulls me underwater. His playfulness is unexpected, and in no time, we've made a mess of each other and the floor.

Even more water splashes out when I climb into his lap to take care of his sudden arousal. He glides into me, and I love the feel of him filling me. He's larger. I try not to think about comparisons, but my body is quite conscious of the difference. With my legs around him, he stands, lifting me out of the tepid water. I appreciate vampire strength, as he carries us both from the tub, and back to our nest, without losing our precious connection.

Our honeymoon respite ends a few hours later, with the ringing of his phone. It's only nine o'clock, but life is fighting to reclaim us. Alice is on the line, wanting to know when he'll be available to take care of his patient. She's already helped her with three meals, and a few bathroom visits.

I can hear her. "I haven't had those kinds of needs in over a hundred years myself. I forgot how tedious they could be... I mean I really forgot! Plus I think her bandage needs to be changed after last night. Did you really take off part of her skull and put it back together? And just where are you anyway? You know I try not to concentrate on your future unless there's danger, but if I don't see your face soon, I'm going to go down that path! I assume Bella's with you? I'm trying not to be nosy, but Yanna's worried.

He calmly reassures her, and makes the right excuses. I grin when he doesn't breathe a word about our marriage. It's still our secret.

I roll onto my back and stretch like a lazy cat. "I can't believe you told her you were taking care of a near drowning victim. You're lucky she can't tell when you're lying.'

"I wasn't lying. I nearly drowned you, and you are my victim. And I did take care of you, didn't I?" He kisses me, and I just want to pretend that we don't have to get up and get dressed.

"And how do I play into your little misinformation scheme?"

"You came along for moral support." He kisses me. "Your presence was invaluable." He stands and leaves our bed, then looks back at me longingly. "Come on my beautiful wife, we've got to go back to the real world."

Wife. I'm feeling a little stunned as I get out of bed, and get dressed again. We made love all night, and yet I'm still not used to the idea of being his wife. I watch him, as he dresses in the same clothes we tore out of yesterday. It's like he's putting the Doctor Cullen costume back on. I want to hold onto Carlisle, and love, and lover, and even husband, just a little bit longer. I steal his tie as it rests around his neck.

"What are you doing with my tie?"

"I'm keeping it as a souvenir – and I want this too." I reach into his pocket and pull out the silk cord he'd wound around our hands.

"Anything else you want?" His eyes feast on me.

"Oh yes... so much more." We're dressed and wrapped in each other's arms, and I just want to tear the clothes from him again.

"So, how long do you thing Yanna and Alice will be able to deal with each other?" His words make me groan.

"I know, I know. It's just going to be hard to be with you, and not be _with _you."

"Well, everyone thinks we're engaged. So now I can kiss you in public." He demonstrates with a kiss. "And I still have the key." We both look around at the room we've so thoroughly messed up. "Maybe we'll tidy up first, tonight." Tonight? I look up at the mischievous smile on his face. We're not going back to the way things were. I love this man!

He locks the door behind us, and hand in hand we walk back to my suite and the real world. Alice and Yanna both look at us suspiciously, but he's so calm and composed, it soon passes. I thank Alice for all her help, and she shrugs it off. Before we settle back into normal, she notices my ring. They both exclaim over it, and I'm embarrassed at how observant Alice is. She exclaims over the four C's, including the color and the carat of the diamonds. I finally slide my hands into my pockets, where I can fondle his tie and the cord. Carlisle saves me when he asks what the two of them have been up to while we've been gone.

"We've actually spent a lot of time working on the hybrid database. A lot of people have already added their recollections to our archives, and it seems a couple hybrids have already discovered who their mothers were, and found existing family. It's catching on so fast, especially once we added the privacy feature, so the vampires can add their information anonymously. Sometimes the information's a little vague, like '_I saw a guard member drag a screaming red haired girl down the __third floor hallway on this date.' _But we've been able to add up so many of these bits of information."

"So... even if Joham charmed them, their memories still work?"

"Not always. Some of the anonymous entries speak of a sort of hypnotic memory suppression. He would repeatedly suggest that _'you don't want to remember this,'_ and it worked quite well. One account claimed those memories stayed buried until very recently. We've got another account, of a vampire who fathered a child he didn't even remember. The child it seems, has disappeared, and he's been unable to locate her, now that he remembers she exists."

Yanna speaks up from the bed, where Carlisle's busy checking her head now that he's removed the bandages. "Some of them ran away. I remember now... I think it was half a dozen hybrids and two female vampires. They walked away from the training center, and no one could locate them." She looks puzzled. "I feel like I should remember them, but I can't."

"Maybe we should see if we can find them." Alice looks thoughtful. "Eight people shouldn't be able to just disappear."

Carlisle finishes changing the bandages, and gathers up his things. "You're healing very well – definitely faster than human – but not quite where you should be. This is promising though. Maybe your metabolism is correcting itself."

"So I should be able to move like normal again?" She looks so hopeful, I hate to see his look of doubt.

"Different injuries heal at different rates. Skin and bones tend to heal faster than brain injury. But I'm not going to say it can't happen; only that you'll still need to work hard at your own recovery." With that, Alice takes her laptop and the work they were doing on the database, and leaves the room. We spend the rest of the morning working with Yanna, trying to help her walk and then to feed herself at lunchtime.

A timid knock at the door brings a surprise. Arianna, looking so timid I'm afraid she'll flee, stands at the door. "I want to help." She looks beyond me, to where Yanna sits with her lunch tray, struggling to hold a glass. Tears come to her eyes and her heart races.

"Come in... please." Yanna calls to her around me. "I'm just in here learning to play with my food." I usher Arianna into the room, and she stands silently, watching. My vision picks up her shaking as Yanna spills beef broth onto a bib around her neck.

"Why don't you take my seat, Arianna," I offer.

"No." Carlisle stands. "Take my seat." He doesn't waste any time in having her sit down beside Yanna, where he'd been guiding her hands. "You can help her, by steadying her arm, while she holds the spoon.

"She's right handed... why is the spoon in her left?"

"Doctor Cullen wants me to learn to use my weaker hand." Yanna's answer forces Arianna to actually look at her. "The right one works fine, but the left wants to see me covered in soup."

"I'm so sorry..."

"Stop." Yanna interrupts her. "I"m sorry, and you're sorry, and there' s not enough room in here for a pity party." She smiles and winks at Carlisle. "If you want to help me, I'd really appreciate it, then Doctor Cullen can hold Bella's hand instead of mine." I feel guilty, but he holds my hand tighter. I hadn't even realized we were doing it.

Arianna is very helpful, once she gets past her feelings of guilt. After her meal, she offers to take Yanna for a walk in her chair. Yanna seems happy for the chance to get out of the room, though she worries about not being able to wash her hair. Carlisle makes sure they've got the numbers to reach us, and we watch them go.

I straighten the bed, and I'm cleaning up her lunch when he takes the tray from my hands. "You don't have to make yourself useful. Besides, I need you more." We leave the room and rush across the hallway to his room. He pulls me down onto his couch and we practically attack each other. I've got my hands in his hair, and my mouth is taking inventory of his, when there's a knock on the door.

I want to pretend we're not there, but he struggles away from me, buttoning and tucking his shirt as he gets up. I almost forget to straighten my own clothes. He opens the door, and Alice rushes in. She's about to say something, when she gets a good look at us.

"Oops. Sorry... I guess I'm not used to you two being an official couple," she grins. "I'll try to be more careful." She reaches up and correctly buttons his shirt, which was misaligned. Then she smooths the tangles from my hair. "But now that I'm here, I've got something I need to show you." She opens up the laptop and sits on the couch, leaving us to take seats beside her.

"I've been taking the information submitted by the members of the database, and I thought to cross-reference it with Italian newspapers. I've gone back twelve years, and I've come up with a lot of missing people. I assume that the Volturi hunted from those who wouldn't be missed, and there are a surprising number of missing persons from hospitals, jails, prisons, nursing homes, homeless shelters, bars, and mental hospitals. I started a list of the missing, and the dates they disappeared. I've flagged them in black if they're seemingly expendable, blue if they're the kind to attract attention, and red if they're healthy women of child bearing age. They can of course have more than one check."

"I've found Yanna's mother, but there's another with a red and blue check." She shows us the article about a young woman who'd disappeared from a nightclub in Milan. Her friends claim she'd left with a strange man, and they never saw her again. Her boyfriend was investigated, and her parents offered a reward for information leading to her whereabouts. Then there's this one who disappeared from a mental hospital. They don't seem related, until you take into account these ones..." She shows us several names with black checks.

"I've spoken with Anton, and I know that some of these are some of the victims the Volterrani guided into Heidi's net. And some of them are those she collected on her own. But these two stick out. Most missing persons in Italy usually turn up or get explained in some way. But these two stayed missing. Then I paired it with a few accounts on our database, and it looks as if these two women were kept here at the same time as Yanna's mother. This was before Joham came here!" She looks at each of us to see if we understand her.

It hits me before Carlisle gets it. I guess I have an easier time thinking of the Volturi leadership as being rotten. "Caius didn't make a hybrid alone; they all three did!" I look at the three names and wonder what happened to the children.

Carlisle voices my concern. "What happened to them? Yanna's the only one her age I've run across in the past two years."

"Maybe they ran away." Alice reminds us of one of her earlier findings.

"They couldn't have, Demetri would have found them with ease." Carlisle points out the flaw, but he doesn't know what Yanna shared with us.

"Demetri couldn't look for them, if he was being charmed by Joham. Johan's charm canceled out their abilities. It's why they relied on newborns when they went to Denali. He didn't have to keep Caius and Aro charmed, since he had their daughters as leverage. Aro wasn't charmed in the war, but he was controlled by Caius.

Carlisle seems deep in thought for a moment. "We need to talk this over with Aro. He's been keeping secrets."

"I think he's spilled a few." Alice indicates her computer. "I've got one very well informed anonymous contributor. I think he's putting a lot of answers into the database." She looks at both of us. "What if he's trying to find someone? I mean if he had a hybrid child before Joham, and it's not Aurora, they could still be out there somewhere. Yanna said she thought she should know the runaways. If Aro and Marcus had children at the same time, she'd have to know them."

Something else bothers me. I remember Jasper telling me that Gemma had given birth several times, and someone had messed with her memory. "What if one of the runaways could manipulate memories? Yanna doesn't remember them. One of the vampires who gave his account in the database mentioned not remembering he had a child. And Gemma has had her memories altered."

"It's possible... Oh my god!" Alice jumps up so suddenly her laptop slides to the floor. I narrowly catch it as she begins to shake. She stares into space, clearly in the midst of one of her visions. "No Jasper, not yet!" She turns and we're right behind her as she runs from the room. I have no idea where she's going, but she's running as if she fears for his life.

We wind up in the cafe, among the hybrids finishing their late lunches. We're too late, and Jasper and Aro face off in the middle of the room. They both turn as Alice stops, sliding slightly in her flat shoes.

Jasper points toward her. "My wife – the woman you dared defile!"

"I didn't defile her..." Aro sneers. "...she enjoyed my attention. She came to me of her own free will. Perhaps she wanted a _real_ man for a change." I can see the look on Jasper's face turn murderous.

He barely reins in his emotions. "Enough! I challenge you on the field of honor. Come out and face me like a man if you dare. Or are you only able to skulk around in the dark, stealing what doesn't belong to you. I challenge you, Aro. A duel between you and me. You may choose the time and place, we'll each choose our weapons, and we'll settle this like men – if you know how!"

"Fine! Tonight at eight o'clock in the audience chamber. Don't forget to bring your second; you'll need someone to carry you out when I'm finished with you." He raises his voice. "No one touches Jasper Whitlock until this matter is resolved." Aro turns gracefully and comes our way. He bows to Alice and me with a smirk. "_Ladies._" He walks away, and takes Arianna's hand as he passes her. I hadn't even seen her and Yanna with all the drama.

I hurry to collect Yanna, and Alice clings to Jasper. "Well, that went as well as could be expected." Carlisle sounds optimistic as he takes my hand. Jasper and Alice join us.

"So, can I count on you to be my second?" Jasper smiles enthusiastically at Carlisle.

"You're not going to need a second, you're going to wipe the floor with him." Carlisle takes hold of Yanna's chair, and pushes her back the way we came. We all follow along.

Jasper walks alongside Yanna, talking to her. "It's good to see you made it through, Dora – I mean Yanna. That's going to take a little getting used to. I heard it was touch and go for a while. I never would have thought Arianna could do so much damage."

"She has a lot of rage inside. You shouldn't have stirred up her memories." Her voice is soft, but her words have a strong impact on him. He stops the chair, and squats down at her level.

"I am truly sorry, if my actions put you or anyone else in jeopardy. I hope to one day apologize to Arianna as well."

"Just win the fight tonight." She smiles as he kisses her cheek. "A lot more than your own future could be determined in this conflict. If Aro loses, it will weaken his standing among the older Volturi. If he wins, it could strike a blow against the council. He understands this better than any of you." She looks at each of us meaningfully. "He's been playing this game for centuries. Don't expect it to be an easy battle, and do not expect him to play fair."

We go to Carlisle's room to congregate, and he pulls something from his closet that makes us gasp. "Sweet Jesus, I never thought I'd see this again!" Jasper looks awed as he takes the sword from Carlisle. "I thought my Civil War officer's cutlass was hanging on the wall back in Forks."

"It was. But your wife is very resourceful, and she had Nessie ship it. Be careful with it, it's had a new edge put on it. It turns out the way they make them dangerous is with a dusting of vampire ash forged into the metal."

He tests the sword's balance, and smiles. "It's a good thing I didn't rise too high in the ranks. Some of the higher officers received more decorative weapons, trimmed in gold. They're beautiful to look at, but absolutely useless in a fight. I remember how to use this." He swings it with a flick of his wrist. "So, what do you think Aro will be using?"

Yanna speaks up. "Aro will be using a spear. He's had some training as a Roman Legionnaire."

"How do you know these things?" The girl stuns me with all her tidbits of knowledge.

"Arianna told me, before she had to leave."

With five hours until the duel, we decide to split up and make the most of our time. Alice and Jasper leave first, holding hands as they slip off to their own suite. Carlisle helps me take Yanna to our room, and we're both impressed that she can use the walker to take care of her own personal needs in the bathroom. Afterward, she claims she wants to rest, and we help her lie down.

All tucked into the bed, she looks up at us with a sly little smile. "You two can leave. You don't have to babysit me. I feel fine now that my head doesn't hurt, and I'll yell if I need anything." She makes a little shooing motion. "I'll see you in a few hours, and I'll yell if I need anything." She's got the phone, and the remote within her reach.

I go through my things and pack a small bag. I'm still in the same clothes I had on yesterday, and I feel the need for a shower. While I'm thinking about it, I reach into my pocket and take out his tie, and the silk cord. I tuck them into my suitcase with a smile. It's real.

Carlisle takes my hand and leads me from the room. In the hallway we catch sight of Aro leaving his room as well. We stand and stare for a moment, then he nods and walks away. In the quiet of Carlisle's room I breathe a sigh of relief.

"That was awkward." I snuggle into Carlisle's arms. "Is it too much to hope that this could all end well? Yanna's right, this could seriously blow up in our faces." His hands glide over my back. "I just... there's so much wrong here! If he wins, it could really put the council in jeopardy. It could keep Volterra stuck in the past, and the hybrids will continue to face all their problems and challenges, with no one to speak for them."

He tips my head up and kisses me. "Carlisle, what if Jasper loses?" I feel a sense of dread at the thought. He kisses me again. His tongue delves into my mouth, and his hand squeezes my behind, pulling me tight against him. He's aroused.

I pull away from him. "How can you think of that now? In a few hours, Jasper will be fighting for his life! Carlisle, what are we going to do?"

He sighs. "Alice and Jasper are setting the example I intend to follow." He snugs me against his body, and his mouth plunders mine. This isn't his soft, sweet courtship kissing, this is hungry and possessive. One arm holds me tight against him, leaving his other hand free to caress my body. I want to go where he's leading, but my mind doesn't want to let go of the worries. He already knows how to read my cues, but instead of giving up and backing away, he attacks.

A growl escapes him, and he presses me back several steps until I'm pinned against the wall. His hips grind against me, and his kiss moves from my mouth and down my throat. My hands unconsciously find his hair as his lips trail down to the vee of my shirt. I'm shocked when he tears the collar with his teeth, and his hands shred the fabric, and yank it from me.

In seconds, I've forgotten Alice, Jasper, and everything else associated with the duel. The only duel on my mind is between him and me. Exposed from the waist up, he feasts on me, and his hands yank the waist of my pants. The clasp gives way before he shucks me out of them, taking everything with them on their way to the floor. He kneels before my nakedness, and he's fully dressed.

He parts my legs, and his mouth and tongue go to work on me in a way that makes me gasp as my legs threaten to spill me to the floor. Intense pleasure radiates through me, as my fingers tear helplessly through his hair. When he relents, I slide down the wall and join him on the floor.

He unfastens his pants, and without a word, he takes me there on the floor – unrestrained.

Hard, fast, and explosive; he shows me what a vampire can do. I cry out, gasp, squeal, moan, and scream through his relentless assault. I'm reduced down to the waves of pleasure he's driving into me. The pulsing push pull of friction, multiplied and intensified with his manic repetition. He uses my body, hard and uncompromising, and I love it! I cling to him, as inarticulate sounds and fragments of words escape me. It's so much pleasure I can't contain it. Again and again my body reaches it's climax, but he pushes me beyond. When he finally finishes, he cries out, and his head rocks back on his shoulders, and his eyes squeeze shut.

He collapses onto me, as I gasp and shudder with aftershocks. I'm stunned as we lie still and silent, but for our panting breaths. I feel like someone should be coming to save us, after such a tempestuous storm of passion.

He raises up on his elbows and looks down at me. His face is so hard to read. "I am so sorry... I didn't mean to be so rough. Oh Bella, I didn't mean..."

"Hush." I look up at him and pull his face to mine. "I love you. I'm not hurt. I'm a little... overwhelmed. You caught me by surprise, but it was good – _really _good." He still looks so concerned. "Are _you_ okay?"

A tiny smile sneaks onto his face. "I tear your clothes off and ravish you mercilessly, and you ask if _I'm _okay? Are you serious?"

"You distracted me from my worry, and made love to me passionately. I adore you. And yes, I'm worried that you might feel guilty and think you hurt me. And I'm a little worried that you might think less of me, because I enjoyed it. I mean if you want me to be a delicate flower..." He crushes his lips to mine and we kiss greedily. He engages my senses and steals my will. If I didn't love him before making love, I most certainly wouldn't have been able to stop afterward.

We lie on the floor a bit longer, then he helps me up. "I"m sorry about your clothes..."

"Don't be, they're just clothes. Your shirt's a loss too." I didn't realize it, but I'd clawed through the fabric at some point.

"It's too bad... these are the same clothes we wore for our wedding." He smiles as he removes his shirt and takes in the tears. I look at the pile of ruined clothes. It's hard to feel sentimental over the destroyed casual clothes. "I guess we'll just have to do it again, so we can put the clothes away as a reminder."

For just a second, I think he's talking about making love the same way again, then I realize he's talking about another wedding. I just look at him in disbelief.

"We really have to now... unless you want to tell Alice we already got married and she missed it. She's not going to be happy with you if you cheat her out of planning a wedding." He grins as he finishes undressing.

"With _me_? You're the one who couldn't wait another day!"

"I didn't hear you complaining." He teases. "All you had to say was: "No Carlisle, I couldn't possibly marry you like this. I don't want to be your wife, and hide away and have hours of hot sex."

"That's all I had to say?" I smile up at him. "I don't think I could have done that." I kiss his sweet face. "I was raised to tell the truth, and that would have been a blatant lie." I wrap my arms around him. "I loved our secret wedding. And I _really _loved our secret honeymoon."

I brace my hands on his shoulders and hop up, wrapping my legs around him as he holds me tight. He carries me into his bathroom and in minutes we're together in the pouring water. I'm surprised that we can have this closeness and relative normalcy so soon. I love being naked with him, and discovering new things about him. But there's a freedom that this is Carlisle. I know him. It means that I can be completely at ease with him.

After our shower we're dressed and relaxing on his couch. He's done a good job of keeping me distracted, and every time I ask anything about the duel, he kisses me, or touches me. It's a game we play, and I delight in making him think of more inventive distractions. It comes as a surprise when it's time to get ready to go.

We put ourselves back together, and try to look respectable. We go get Yanna, and with her in her chair we meet Alice and Jasper in the hallway. I hug him tight, and wish him luck. He tries to act as if it's no big deal, but we can all feel his nervousness. Alice looks terrible, and I hug her too.

We walk to the audience chamber, and I can't help but remember how much I hate the place. The open expanse makes it perfect for large gatherings, but there's also room for a fight. As we enter the room, the crowd parts to allow us to move right up to the place where the fight will take place. There's a barricade to keep everyone back, and we stop behind it.

Jasper kisses his wife, before he takes his sword and leaps the barrier. Aro is sitting on his throne, as if he's above the whole proceeding.

"Pity to see you made it. I was hoping you'd see reason and back down." Aro sneers down at him. "As much as I'd like the opportunity to fight with you, I've decided to allow my second to have the honor. I don't think you'll pose much of a threat to him either." He motions, and Reese leaps the barricade and faces Jasper from the other end. "If you'd rather concede, I'll show lenience for your crimes – you won't have to die for what you've done."

Yanna tugs my hand and I bend to hear her whisper. "This is awful! Reese isn't Quileute, he's Inuit. He doesn't change into a wolf – he's a bear!" I can see Carlisle and Alice have both heard her. But it doesn't seem to matter, as Jasper accepts the substitution, with a comment about Aro's cowardice.

Reese looks at Jasper as if he's a boy playing a man's game. He's a foot taller, and probably outweighs him by a hundred pounds – they're clearly mismatched. "Looks like it's you and me, leech!" He has a strange looking weapon that looks like a long, sharp knife with a bone handle. He holds it absently, like he's not even planning to use it. They stare at one another across the floor.

Aro sits up and intones. "Begin!"

**A/N: I know it's not fair to end the chapter on a cliffhanger. But my chapters keep stretching themselves. As it is, I'm not sure I'll be able to finish this in thirty chapters plus an epilogue. I tend to get long-winded, especially when I see the end is near, and there are so many loose ends still dangling. There's still some good stuff ahead. Thanks for being faithful to my story, I appreciate all of you! **

**I've also been meaning to thank those of you who are reading this from another country (as in not the U.S.) Each time I look at the traffic stats, I'm awed that my little story might be enjoyed by people around the world. I give you extra thanks if you don't speak or read English, as I know the translation programs have difficulty with English, especially as it's mangled by Americans.  
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	30. Chapter 30 Duel

Chapter 30

Duel

Reese makes the first charge, and Jasper easily dodges out of the way. "I thought you were here to fight, not dance! You're not a leech, you're a tick – a little bitty bloodsucker." He taunts and Jasper grins.

"Come on cub, my grand niece could take you, and she's only two!" Jasper adds his own taunt. "Don't feel bad though, she's pretty fierce." Reese growls and charges again. This time he tries to slice Jasper with his weapon, but he easily parries.

Jasper laughs. "I think Sarah would be too much for you. Maybe you should fight my brother Emmett. He's been dead for two years, but I think you'd be evenly matched." Reese snarls and charges, forgetting about his weapon. Jasper not only dodges, but smacks him with the flat of his sword.

Reese's face turns a mottled red, and he charges Jasper again. Over and over he tries to hit Jasper, but he can't land a single blow. Jasper smiles through his whole attack, and even sticks his tongue out when he misses hitting his face. Then Jasper moves so fast Reese is unprepared when he's booted in the rear.

Jasper dances out of his reach and looks up at Aro. "Come down here and fight me, old man! The kid can't handle it, and he's going to get hurt." Reese's snarl is louder, and he throws his weapon at Jasper, who easily deflects it. We all hear the shredding of clothing, and Aro smiles.

The change is terrifying, and Yanna takes my hand, and I take Carlisle's. Jasper is paying close attention to Reese, now that he's facing a supernatural grizzly bear probably weighing over a thousand pounds I imagine he would be worried, but a look at his face shows he's smiling! In fact I feel a sense of accomplishment coming from him.

The bear charges, and Jasper runs to meet him. The cutlass moves lightening fast, in an arc to open up the bear's chest. But we can all see it's completely ineffective. Jasper leaps out of the way, as the bear wheels around to face him. He tries again to slice at the bear, but the sword does little more than part fur. Jasper should have had the upper hand with his fighting skill. He drops the useless weapon in frustration.

Carlisle raises his voice. "You need to stop the fight, Aro! The bear could kill Jasper, but he can't injure it."

Aro turns his palms up and shrugs. "There are other methods of fighting if not the sword."

"Come on Aro! You're dooming Reese to a death sentence. If Jasper bites him the venom will kill him!" The bear swats at Jasper, and barely catches him in a glancing blow. Jasper is knocked several feet, into a column.

"It looks like Jasper's the one who should worry about dying. The fight looks fair to me." Neither Jasper nor the bear are paying attention to Aro. Jasper struggles to his feet and makes it out of the way as the bear charges. He rushes the bear's flank and claws a furrow along it's side. It moves so fast, and takes a swipe at Jasper before he can move away.

Alice screams as the bears claws slice down his face and neck. He manages to scrabble away before it can tear into him with the other paw, then he ducks behind a column to collect himself. The bear's charging again when Jasper emerges. He runs at the animal, and with both hands he tears into it's side again, exposing deep bloody wounds.

The bear swats him and knocks him off his feet. The grizzly charges and crushes him with it's weight, then it grabs Jasper's torso in it's massive jaws. The claws tear at him as it picks him up and shakes him in it's mouth. A human would have died. Even your average vampire would have been in peril. But Jasper is a supreme predator among vampires. He's not guarding his emotions, and I can feel the hunger and blood lust radiating from him.

Reese is bleeding heavily, and Jasper pries his jaws apart, and in seconds he's free. The bear backs away warily, even though Jasper is clearly hurt. It's frightening to watch Jasper stalking the bear; clearly only a facsimile of human. His feral eyes hungrily observe a much more wary Reese. He approaches with deceptive slowness, backing the bear into a corner.

He leaps, landing atop the bear, and clinging like a wildcat on a deer. His fingers furrow deep into the bear's neck, and Jasper looks as if he's only moment's from biting him.

**"Jasper!" **

**"Enough!" **

Carlisle and Aro both shout at the same time. It's just enough to make Jasper pause and keep from killing Reese.

"You want to fight me – fine!" Aro leaves the dais and strides toward the center of the room. Jasper leaps from the back of the bear and lands lightly in a crouch. His wounds are oozing darkly. Aro holds a long spear, and he spins it twice. The bear lumbers away from the two, clearly very hurt.

"This isn't how it works, Aro!" Carlisle lets go of my hand and leaps the barrier. "You don't get to come in fresh and fight an injured man." Carlisle stands protectively in front of Jasper. "Jasper defeated your second, let's see if you can defeat _his._"

I gasp. In fact I hear the whole room suck in air. Aro stands perfectly still, and Jasper stands behind Carlisle. So many emotions cross Aro's face. It could easily be missed, but I swear I see him look hurt, before resignation takes it's place.

"You want to fight me, old friend? Pick up the sword."

"I'm not going to attack you, Aro. That's not who I am."

"You think I'll let you sacrifice yourself for your son? **Pick up the sword!**" He looks truly angry.

"I've never used a sword. I don't need it to beat you. Try me." Yanna clutches my hand tight, and Jasper leans against the barrier near Alice. He isn't yet up to jumping over it.

Aro looks frustrated. He carefully walks to Carlisle and makes a half-hearted stab at him with the spear. Carlisle easily knocks it aside. "Is that the best you can do? I guess what I've heard about the Legionnaires being fierce warriors was mistaken."

Aro spins the spear, and then swings it at Carlisle's head so fast it blurs. He ducks and it passes over his head. He doesn't slow, and from there it's a stab, a downward stroke, a sweep at his feet, and two more hard pokes. Carlisle neatly dodges each move. Aro speeds up his attacks, and I don't know how Carlisle is doing it. Each fast attack, designed to injure, incapacitate, or kill, misses Carlisle. I watch Aro's movements, and even though he can't hit him, he's backing him slowly toward a column.

When Carlisle comes up against this obstacle, I worry that he won't be able to defend against the next attack. But I'm stunned when he dodges aside, rolls across the floor, then leaps to his feet to come at Aro unexpectedly. He sweeps his foot through the air, connecting with the spear shaft hard enough to flip it from Aro's hands, and into his.

"I love you, Esme." I whisper, as Carlisle's tactics change dramatically. He tosses the spear out of the way, and when Aro comes at him, he grabs him and uses his own momentum to throw him. It's martial arts! He had to have learned it to please his wife. I'm in awe of him as he moves like Kwai Chang Caine, from the old TV series Kung Fu. My dad used to watch it in reruns. There's no posturing, just the calm, careful movements of a master.

Aro looks upset, but I can see from his face he's calculating his next moves. He's not going to make the mistake Reese made and let his anger get the best of him. Jasper finally makes it over the barricade, and he stands beside Alice, who fusses over his healing injuries.

Jasper's whisper doesn't carry far. "He's everyone's worst nightmare – a vampire ninja. It's a good thing he's on our side." Aro charges again, and Carlisle flips him impressively high. He collapses in a heap next to the dais. Carlisle closes the distance.

"Are you ready to call it yet, Aro? No one has to get hurt here. Let Jasper apologize to Arianna and..." Aro leaps at him from his prone position, slicing at him with Jasper's cutlass. I watch it cut through his shirt, and chest with ease. The screams hurt my ears, and it takes a second to realize it's me. Aro follows with three more quick strokes, scoring with two, before Carlisle can spring out of the way.

I want to hide my face, but I can't look away. He's _hurt. _ I stand by, helpless once more as the man I love is attacked. I'm about to leap the barrier myself, when Jasper grabs my arm – hard. "Let him handle this sug." His soft calm voice reassures me as much as his gift. "He knows what he's doing, and if you interrupt, the matter won't be resolved."

Even as I watch, Carlisle does several back handsprings away from Aro, who advances on him, eager to exploit his weakness. Aro swings. The cutlass whistles, and Carlisle is gone. Again and again, just like when he held the spear, he can't hit him.

"Give up Carlisle. If you won't attack me, I've beaten you!" Carlisle stands still, several yards away from Aro.

"Just what do you hope to win, Aro?" He drops his defenses, and he takes a couple slow steps toward the Volturi leader. "Are you hoping to justify your seduction of a troubled young woman?" He steps closer. "Are you hoping to avenge your daughter's honor? I suggest there are better ways to deal with her issues." Two more steps puts him within reach of Aro. "Or are you trying to salvage your own position here?" He steps into Aro's personal space. "Do you hope you can drive me and my family away from here? Are you hoping to go back to the old ways, and create a Volterra where you rule supreme?" They face each other eye to eye.

"You have no idea what I want." Aro's voice is cold.

"Maybe you're right. But you're not going to get anywhere this way." Carlisle is the image of peace and pacifism. I can feel the watching crowd sway his way. Aro raises his chin – he can feel it too.

"Let's just see about that." Fast. The cutlass snaps up. Aro drives forward. The sword tears into Carlisle's stomach, driving up toward his heart. The tip of the sword comes out his back.

Three women scream with me. Aro twists the blade as he pulls it free, and Carlisle slumps to the floor. Aro still holds the sword, and he sneers our way as he raises it over his head. I scream 'NO," and watch my world come to an end in slow motion.

The sword is dripping with dark fluid as he brings it down again in a deadly arc. It doesn't seem possible, and I watch it slice into his blond hair, cutting an inch from it's length. The golden bits fall lightly onto his collar and the floor.

I stare. It's all wrong. My husband's eyes are blank and lifeless. His head tips at an angle that isn't possible. It's not possible! IT'S NOT POSSIBLE! Aro stands over him, triumphant. A motion of his hand sets me back two years, and I'm seconds from watching Edward go up in flames. The thermite disk in the center of the room is about to steal my last hope.

_Take me instead._ My mind silently begs, as Aro drops the head and body of my beloved onto the disk. I know I'm about to die, as my life is passing before my eyes. I see the weeks past, and our efforts to help the Volturi, Aro's family, and Aro himself. I see the love bloom between Carlisle and me. And I see it all being for nothing. I shake in fear – and _rage. _ _Don't take me. __**Take this!**_

I don't have to picture Edward's death, as there's horror enough before me. I focus tightly on Aro's chest, and push it from me. He flies into the ancient stone wall, and I collapse into Jasper's arms. I struggle to stay conscious, but still blackness washes over me. I don't know how much time passes.

I wake up in chains.

I recognize this place, It's where Yanna was held after she attacked me. My hands and feet are in shackles, and I try to pull free, but they're somehow stronger than I am. I'm surrounded by the guard, and even though the faces are familiar, there's no one in the crowd I really know.

"Carlisle... where's Carlisle?"

"Nice to see you're back in the land of the living, Isabella." Aro steps from the crowd.

"Where's Carlisle?" I'm terrified of his answer, and yet I need to know.

"Your family has been securely locked away."

"Carlisle?"

"Carlisle can no longer come to your rescue."

"_Is he still alive?_" I lunge the length of the chains, needing to get some kind of answer from him.

"I didn't incinerate him. But whether he remains alive, is yet to be seen." He steps up as close as he can where I still can't reach him. It's then I notice what he's wearing – it's the old Volturi style of dress. He see's me looking at him. "Do you like it? I think it's high time I stopped trying to look like someone I'm not. I think this suits me."

"You look ridiculous!"

"You're just upset you couldn't kill me. Your attack is quite powerful, but most inconvenient when you can't even defend yourself against being arrested. Attempted murder of a council member is quite a serious offense. You left too many witnesses to even deny the charge."

"You can't be serious – you were going to murder him!"

"I was perfectly within my rights, as he challenged me under the code of chivalry." He pats my cheek. "But don't worry Isabella, I'm not going to have you destroyed for your crime. You yourself gave me the perfect plan." He raises his voice. "I claim the right of Bondage!"

I gasp. "You can't mean that!"

He steps into my space, with his face a breath from mine. "I am absolutely serious."

"Alice won't let you do this!"

"Alice is locked up even as we speak. Don't you remember? Your family is my insurance that you obey me. Now maybe I won't feed dear Alice to the flames, but I have no love for Jasper or Carlisle, and Yannadora is already living on borrowed time." He makes a show of taking off his gloves. He puts his hands on either side of my face, then draws me forward for a kiss. I remain completely impassive.

"I can see my pet is a little shy in these surroundings." He pretends it's a joke and some of the guard laughs along with him. "Ciprianna!" At his command, the young alternate from the council comes forward. "Be a dear, and give your endorsement to my claim."

"Absolutely. She's your slave now." He reaches up and takes hold of my left hand. Before I know what he's doing, he yanks off my wedding ring.

"Here you go, she won't be needing this anymore." She takes my ring and slides it onto her finger with a smile. He looks at the guard. "I want her hands and feet released, but I want an iron collar and a leash."

"Have you completely lost your mind? You're ruining everything we've been trying to do here. Don't you remember who it was who broke you free of Caius and saved you? Don't you care that my family has spent two years trying to help Volterra recover from the war?"

"No – I don't care!" He snarls into my face. "Again and again I've been diminished, torn down, set aside, and mocked. Volterra is _mine_! It's been mine for over a thousand years, and you think to change that in _two years?"_

"What about your children, Aro? How is this supposed to help them?" I feel the iron collar around my neck before I'm set free. He yanks the leash, and pulls me up against him.

"I'm giving them someone to mother them." He smiles at me. "You may not want _me_, but I know you'll care for my children regardless."

"If you have your way, they'll be living in a place where they're second class citizens."

"They'll be living in a place where their father reins supreme! I'm finished bowing and scraping to Cullens. For over three hundred years I've hoped to have him join us here. Yet at every turn he's rejected everything we stood for. Every time I encountered Carlisle Cullen, he opposed me. I finally saw the truth – that we will never be friends or contemporaries. He lied to me, which is criminal. But he tried to take Volterra from me, and that is _unforgivable._ I won't allow it! Instead, I'll take everything that matters to him. I have his family and his woman."

"You're wrong Aro. He's not your enemy; he only wants to help. He's trying to make it better for everyone."

"I've heard enough! You need to learn obedience, Isabella. You belong to me now, and I won't tolerate a quarrelsome woman. In fact, I want you to kiss me – now."

"Seriously? You know how I feel about Carlisle, are you hoping to force me to somehow fall in love with you? It's not going to happen." He steps on the slack of the chain, forcing me to my knees.

"You have no rights unless I grant them to you, Isabella. If I choose, I could make you follow me on your hands and knees. I could make you kiss my feet – lick my feet even." He yanks me up by the neck and wraps an iron arm around my waist. "Instead I want you to kiss me. Kiss me like we're lovers, because very soon we will be."

I gape at him. I can't do it. He fully expects me to do what he wants, and I'm afraid to even tell him why it's so wrong. If he knows I married Carlisle, he'll make me a widow.

"You there..." He points at one the guard members. "Take a security detail and go bring me Jasper Whitlock. Be careful, you know how dangerous he is. My bondwoman needs to learn her disobedience has a cost."

"No – I mean _please!_ Leave him alone Aro, I'll kiss you." He signals the man to wait. I close my eyes and lean into him. Our lips touch, and he deepens the kiss immediately. He holds my head and completely invades my mouth. I try to think of him as Carlisle, but they're too different. The smell, the taste, the feel is all wrong. I think of Jasper, and Alice, and all they have to lose. I kiss him like I mean it.

Long minutes pass before he breaks away. "That's much better." He pulls on the leash as he moves to leave the room. Then he stops and turns toward the members of the guard still present. "I want a crack security detail to be ready at all times. If I require Major Whitlock to be brought in here, you better not disappoint me." He yanks the chain to keep me close as we move through the complex.

As we pass, people nod respectfully, or turn away. "This is how it should be. They respect me again." He leads me on the familiar route to his room. As we come out of the elevator, I see there are several guards at the end of the hall.

"You're keeping them in their own room?"

"Alice, Jasper, and Yanna are there. It's the most secure place. Besides, it leaves them within easy reach if I should decide you are not being obedient enough."

"You really mean to go through with this?" I hear my voice shake as he slides the key card and opens his door. He pulls me inside with the leash. It's quiet, which scares me.

"Where are the children?"

"I sent them to stay with friends so we could have privacy." The door closes behind us. He pulls me right to his own room. Inside the antiques are still there, but the settee is gone, and a bed is in it's place. I can't take my eyes off of it.

"Please Aro... don't make me do this. I'll beg if that's what you want. Even if you own me, this is still rape."

"Shut up!" He looks as if he's ready to strike me. "Do you expect me to forget how close we were before he came back? I kissed you, and you kissed me in return. I excited you – indeed I could sense your arousal. I knew if he didn't return, you would be mine. Even if you loved him, it was fragile, and new. And it wouldn't have stood the test of time."

"But he did come back." I whisper. "Aro... I love him. You could take me as a lover. You might even be able to force me to pretend I like it. But it's Carlisle I love. I fall in love with all that I am. You're not just hurting me, Aro, you're hurting yourself. You're better than this."

He laughs at me. "I'm not better! You don't know the things I've done. Every time I aspire to be 'better,' it bites me with teeth sharper than my own. I allow Carlisle and his family into my home and my coven, and he's almost stolen it away from me. Alice is lost to me, and the one other woman I can get close to, is in love with _him. _I am weary of trying to become what I am not. I am a_ vampire._ All who come into my presence should tremble in fear._ I am a killer!"_

He drags me to the ornate fireplace I'd not really noticed among all the antiques and artifacts. With the press of a button, the flames come to life, and I step back from the odor of gas. I wonder why he'd want such an unnecessary thing in his room – ambiance maybe? He reaches to the mantel, at something he's got covered there, and with a flick of his wrist he makes me wish I were still human and could faint. I scream

My mind refuses to believe what my eyes see, and I scream as my sanity teeters on the brink. His slap shocks me and knocks me to the floor, leaving me gasping and staring at my worst nightmare. Carlisle's head.

I know he can heal even from this, but Aro isn't letting him. The fire burning in the hearth is a deadly reminder, that he still holds his life in his hands. He covers his head with the cloth again, though I will never forget the slack mouth and open, staring eyes.

"Get up Isabella, I have use for you." I'm only vaguely aware of him; his commanding and his yanking on the chain. I want my husbands arms around me, assuring me everything will be alright. But it's impossible. My mind retreats to a dark shadowy recess as I try to fathom where those arms lie.

I stare unblinking as evil claims him. He thinks he owns me, but I am nothing without the one who loves me. He owns Nothing. I am detached as he drags Nothing to his bed. His threats fall on deaf, unresponsive ears. His anger rages and he tears fabric from Nothing.

Carlisle. My heart cries. I can't do this again. I've already paid more than my share. Take, take, take, until there is nothing left, and I am empty. I am Nothing. Nothing lying naked beside evil.

It doesn't matter if he thinks to use Nothing. It doesn't matter that he professes to love in his hatred. It doesn't matter that I was once a beloved wife – _twice_ a beloved wife. Love is gone and the shell is left – cold and unyielding.

He rages at the corpse in his bed, with eyes staring and limbs frozen – like his. In his anger he thinks to claim Nothing; to show his mastery of Nothing. He lies atop Nothing, trying to kiss and pet, and cajole a yielding. Rigor has set in and the corpse is hard and unresponsive.

"Bella please... I only want to love you. Just relax and let me show you how good it can be with us." He looks down at eyes that stare right through him. He shifts, preparing to take what was never offered; with no love, no joy, no kindness, no care, and no regard. Nothing will stand in his way.

I put aside all my defenses. I lay down my weapons and I divest myself of my armor and _shield._ He stands poised to enter the gates, when the walls fall. He recoils.

I move quick and wrap the leash around his neck to hold him fast. He won't escape me, as with every touch, every contact either intentional or accidental, my naked flesh conveys the sting of my memories. I know he can usually choose how much to see. Like a book set on the shelf of his library, the memories are there, but the choice is his to see beyond the cover. I tear open the book and read each page aloud. I feed him my memories, one horror at a time.

"Let go, Isabella – I command you!" I dig my nails into him as I cling to his back like an attacking lioness, with my legs locked around his waist. I shower him with images of intimacy and lovemaking. I hold him in a twisted parody of such loving connections. Ten years of loving – a full decade of everything we were to each other pours out of me and into his mind.

He fights as I show him the love I feel and the loss – the memories of the loss which would have broken me. He breaks the leash and struggles to be free. I cling to him; a silent banshee of despair, wailing into his unprotected mind. I force him to see the pillar of fire and smell the burning of love and perfection. I hold him fast as I stare at the bloody snow, day after unending day. I take him with me to a paradise where I cannot hope to endure one more agonized second. I flood him with grief. I drown him in sorrow. I wash him in memories of sweet, gentle, kind, patient, beautiful, loving – followed by a future and a lifetime of absence and emptiness.

And then I show him my salvation. I force him to see my Carlisle. I let him see the hope grow, from a tiny seed planted with a new will to live. I clutch him tight as the tiny bud of change pokes from my frozen soul, and opens to show me life can be good again. I make him see the healing we both go through so we can face a new future together. I force him to see what his two years at Volterra has done. I open his eyes to what it cost his own family. I give him wave after wave of all I know of the man; his care, his compassion, his empathy, his love, his _humanity._

I dare to show him our commitment. I walk slowly through our vows and our promises. I batter him with those promises freely given, with love and hope. I force him to see our wedding night – force him to see the man I love through my eyes. I silently challenge him to live up to those images, knowing he cannot. I infuse my mind with everything I feel for Carlisle.

And then I poison the memory with what he has done to the man I love. I choke him on the bile of my shock, my horror, my helpless agony and bitter betrayal. I tear open his inner eyes and blind him with the acidic memory of my anguish and sorrow. I tear out every page of my book until the covers are empty, like me.

I show him my life without my love. I show him empty, cold, barren, and forsaken. I force him to see he cannot hurt me more than he already has. He can abuse me, use me, even end me, and it does not matter. I'm already gone.

With brute force he frees himself, and I collapse where I've fallen.

"How did you do that?" He shouts in his agitation. "What happened to your shield?" He reaches to shake me, and I shoot memories into his mind of Carlisle's loving face. He lets go as if burned. "This is impossible – what have you done?" I don't answer him. I don't acknowledge him at all.

In frustration he dresses. "You think you can ignore me? I can make you talk! I will not be beaten by one little girl!" He abandons me where I lie. I hear his footsteps in the hallway and his door opens. I numbly creep to the fireplace and look up at the shroud over my love. I want to hold him, even if it's only a part of him. But I fear drawing attention to such vulnerability. I turn off the flames.

I hear him outside, shouting for the guards. "Bring me Jasper Whitlock!" I curl into the corner, wishing I could disappear. I hear noise; shouting, running, arguing, and fighting. The sounds are inconsequential without him.

I drift until I'm on the island. I lie in the warm sand, kissing him. I don't ever have to stop and face the horror of my reality. Lost in the dream I've chosen, I block out everything but his warm kisses.

"Dear god what did he do to you?" Her voice invades my perfection and drags me back to a state of semi-awareness. She covers me with a sheet and pulls me against her. I cling to Alice and whimper, unable to say a word. "It's going to be okay Bella, he can't hurt you anymore."

I know he can't hurt me. It's not me I worry about. I hold her, trying to decide if she's real or if she's in my dream. I flinch and draw into a tighter ball at the sound of footsteps coming our way.

"Bella hon, you're safe now." I feel it as surely as I hear it – safety, reassurance, comfort, and peace. I open my eyes and look up. His blond locks make me shake. It's not him. It's not my Carlisle, and my eyes go to where I know he rests. I stand, heedless of the falling sheet Alice scrambles to wrap around me. I reach for him with trembling hands.

"Oh my god, is that what I think it is?" I can't answer her. I hold my macabre lover against me as my low moans turn to a piteous keening. I slide my hand under his shroud and close his eyes against the staring, and cradle him to me. "Bella, where's his body?" I turn horrified eyes to hers. If she has to ask, then she doesn't know either.

"I'll see what I can find out." Jasper leaves us, and I realize I'm not dreaming anymore. I'm in my reality – my personal hell. Once he's gone, she sets about finding my clothes and getting me dressed. Some of my things are ruined, so she borrows from the closets in the other room. When she unfastens the collar, she seems disgusted to even touch it.

She leads me out of the den of his evil, and seemingly out of my bondage. I let her lead me, as I've got my love clutched to me tight. In the hallway outside his rooms, there are obvious signs of a struggle. I stop and look around. Struggle is too mild a word, it looks like a war has been fought in the hallway, with chunks taken out of the walls, ceiling, and carpet. One light flickers fitfully, showing the lurid dark stain on the floor. I stare.

"Come on Bella, Yanna is waiting for you. You would be so proud of her, she's part of the reason we were able to free you. A lot of people helped, but Yanna, Anton, Jasper, and even Reese played a part in taking out Aro."  
>"Where is he?" I feel a sense of panic.<p>

"Aro? You don't have to worry about him. He's already in the execution chamber."

My first words to her sound like a defense of the one who's cost me everything. "Alice, you can't kill him! He knows where the... where Carlisle's... where the rest of him..."

"Don't worry Bella, we're not going to execute him. It's just the only place where there are bonds strong enough to hold our kind." We hear the elevator's ding and we both turn.

She walks several steps our way before she realizes something is amiss. I hand my love off to Alice, who doesn't comprehend why. I walk away, toward the new arrival. As her head comes up and she finally takes in my approach, she stops. I run. She backs away, but she's too late to save herself.

I snarl and leap, and take her down as easily as a frightened doe. Her screams don't deter me, and her flailing arms cause me no concern. She has something that belongs to me, and I will have it back. I grab the flailing arm in my powerful grip, and tear her fingers open, hearing pops and snaps as I do.

Ciprianna should have been more careful whom she trusted, and whom she crossed. My ring is tight on her finger, and I no longer care about delicacy. I put her finger in my mouth, at first thinking just to wet it and slide it off. But that's what human Bella might have done. My teeth slice flesh and snap bone. I slide my ring free, and tuck her finger back into her hand as she screams.

I turn my back on her as I walk back to a stunned Alice. I slide my ring home, and take back my lover. "What the hell did he do to you, Bella?" She looks at me as if I've grown horns a tail.

"You didn't see that coming?" I ask, deadpan.

"Not from you. You'd never do something like that before." We continue walking toward her suite. Ciprianna has wisely decided not to push me further, and fled.

"She... I... I'm not the same. I need him Alice. I'm not going to play nice if it means they get to take him from me." I hold him near "He wants peace, and he want's to help, and he's good and kind. Without him, I am none of those things. I'll raze this place if that's what it takes to get him back. I'll tear it apart stone by stone if I have to." I look her in the eyes, feeling the promise behind my words.

"Let's hope it doesn't come to that."

**A/N: I'm not sure what to say; I know that was pretty brutal. And of course it's going to be a bit longer than my planned thirty chapters. **


	31. Chapter 31 The Search

Chapter 31

The Search

Alice opens the door and we step into her apartment to find she has a full house. Before we fill them in on what's happening, she leads me to her bedroom. "Let's put him somewhere safe in here... so we don't scare the others." I don't want to let him go, but she creates a space on a pillow, in a corner out of the way. She shudders when I kiss his cheek.

In the main room, half the council waits, as does Yanna and Anton. They turn to look at me as if I'm the guest of honor at a party. I sit beside Yanna, and she throws her arm around me in a hug.

"I've been so worried! They dragged you away in chains before you even woke up, and they wouldn't let us follow. I think he planned this Bella. He knew if your family was in peril you'd attack, and he'd have you. He probably thought you'd attack Reese to save Jasper, not him to save Carlisle, He was ready for it, and he had us locked up before we knew what was happening."

"He didn't realize the kind of support the Cullens have in Volterra now." Anton takes over filling me in. "He's still got a few who are loyal or afraid of him. But there are a _lot _of hybrids here now, and they don't want to go back to the way it was before. Alice still has the support of the council, even though he tried to keep her locked up."

"I just don't understand what's gotten into Mister Aro." Leonora speaks and everyone listens respectfully. "I thought he wanted what was best for everyone. When I heard that he'd taken you as if you were his slave, I knew we had to stop him."

Reese's voice is deep as he speaks. "He paid me to fight in his place. I mean he _promised _ he'd pay me, but from what Alice tells me, he's close to broke." He seems defensive. "Don't judge me! My tribe back home is suffering. He promised me a lot of money if I would fight the captain of the guard. I didn't realize he was willing to let me die."

"You did good, Reese." Anton pats the big man's shoulder. "Even though he's still healing from Jasper's attack, he still managed to put a dent in the guards in the hall outside. Not too many of them wanted to tangle with a giant grizzly bear. Yanna already had them thinned out when she faked a seizure and Alice sent a couple of them to take her to the clinic. After they left her there, she sneaked off to assembled the guard members she knew were loyal to Jasper. I managed to get the weapons from the duel to her, and she had them hidden in her chair when she wheeled back to the rooms after her 'recovery'."

Alice continues with a smile at her little army of revolutionaries. She looks at me, suddenly serious. "I don't know what you did to Aro, but when he charged into the hall, he was so distressed, he didn't even notice the soldiers outside his room weren't there to do his bidding. He tried to give orders to have them bring Jasper to him. I can only assume he wanted to demonstrate his power somehow. But when Jasper emerged from the Guard, and he wasn't in custody, Aro realized he was in trouble."

"I'll give him credit, the old leech knows how to fight." Reese seems almost admiring. "Even unarmed he put up quite a struggle. Captain Jasper didn't want the rest of the Guard to interfere so it would be a fair fight. He even let him have his own weapon. I thought they were going to bring the building down on us. But Captain Jasper had a lot more to fight for it seems. As soon as that wily old blood sucker was beaten, the Captain took his head off." I gasp at his words.

"I know you're worried about that." Alice comes and sits beside me. "We can live – I mean _exist_ for a time with our heads separated from our bodies. Carlisle suffered it during the war, if you remember."  
>"I remember." She looks uncomfortable at my lifeless statement.<p>

"Yes, of course you do, sorry. Anyway, the war wasn't the first time for him. He actually had himself guillotined when he was trying to end his life. He claims he was dead for days, and actually woke up among the dead. He still doesn't know how his head and body found one another, since he told the executioner to keep them separate." I can only stare at her. She knows so much more about him than I do. The longer I sit and listen, the more worried I am that I'll never get the chance to know more.

"How long can he last, Alice?"

"We went to London to find him after the Blitz. He'd been inside a building that was hit. He was still recovering when we found him. He'd been buried and... blown apart. He claims it was two weeks after the bombing when he regained consciousness, but he's not sure. Beyond that I don't know. The Volturi don't keep decapitated vampires – they burn them." I whimper at her words.

"Don't worry, we'll find him. Aro didn't have him burned, we all would have smelled it. The thermite disk was an empty threat. If he'd used it inside, we all would have suffered from the heat, and he could have set the building on fire." The door opens and Jasper steps into the room. All eyes turn his way.

"No one seems to know where to find him. Aro used the chaos of Bella's arrest to have the body moved." I stare into my lap, feeling a cold sense of hopelessness. My ring winks at me in the light – the blue diamond he'd called hope. Something about the ring nags at me.

"Cipriana!" I look at Alice as realization suddenly dawns on me. "He needed someone he could trust. His own children are hybrid, and thus untrustworthy. He didn't hide his body, he had someone do it for him. Her room is beside his, but she wasn't going to her own room; she was coming to see him. She was coming so he could praise her for a job well done. If we want to find _Carlisle._... " I breathe his name and fight the ache in my chest. "...we need to find Cipriana."

The room clears, as everyone present leaves to find the sycophant vampire. Everyone but Yanna, Alice, and me.

"I'm going to go, but I think you should stay here, Bella. You've been through too much already. Besides, Yanna needs you." Yanna hasn't let go of me since I came in.

"Just bring him back." She kisses my cheek before she leaves. There was a time when I'd have to be right in the middle of the search. But I'm truly afraid of what I might find of him. I'm even more afraid of what I would do to Cipriana if I should be the one to find her.

The waiting is interminable. Two hours has already passed when there's a knock at the door. I'm shocked when I answer it to find three hybrids looking at me – Aro's children. I have no idea what to say or do.

Arianna speaks up. "Please, I know you probably don't want to see us after all that's happened. Can we come in to talk?" She nervously looks over her shoulder. "We had to sneak away from our 'babysitters.'" I silently step back and let them come in.

"We didn't know what he was going to do." Arianna's hands flutter nervously. "He didn't want us to go to the duel, and he arranged for us to stay with a couple old vampires he knows."

"I knew he was planning something." Aurora won't look at me.

"Ah hell, even _I _knew Pops had something up his sleeve." Armando crosses his arms and leans in the doorway. "But he was thinking in Greek! I mean pardon me, but in my short lifetime, I haven't had time to learn a bunch of other languages yet."

"He's right." Aurora finally looks at me. "He was thinking in Greek... and a few other languages as well. We both know when he's trying to keep something secret, but usually it's nothing more important than the car he gave me for my birthday... or some kind of gossip he doesn't want us to hear. We had no idea he planned something so..."

"So much like Joham." Arianna's voice chills me. "This is exactly the kind of thing he would have done." She sits down beside Yanna and takes her hand. "I don't know him anymore. My papa would never do something like this." She cries silent tears as Yanna tries to comfort her.

Aurora looks at me with innocent doe eyes as she asks, "Are you going to let them destroy him?" I can't face her, and it's my turn to look away. I'm the wrong one to ask about leniency and forgiveness.

"I don't know what's going to happen." At least it's the truth. "Do any of you know what he would have done with Carlisle?" They each shake their heads, clearly drawing a blank. "What about Cipriana?"

"Ugh! What a bitch." Armando rolls his eyes as he comments. "I don't understand why Pops gives her the time of day. She's one of those lucky enough to deliver her hybrid baby _after _Doctor Cullen showed up. He made the kid's father turn her after the birth, but he should have just let her bleed out!"

"'Mando! That's a horrible thing to say." Aurora says what I'm thinking.

"Maybe she doesn't deserve to die, but she's absolutely useless to her kid. The girl's barely the equivalent of a five year-old, and she's running wild with no one to take care of her. She's already petitioned to join one of the families, but they don't take em that young. Since she's too little to have sex, she's stuck with her mother. That stupid woman has been trying to get pops to pay attention to her so she can saddle him with the kid."

"I think she took Carlisle. Do you have any idea where she might have hidden him, or any idea where she could be hiding herself?"

"Maybe if you ask her kid..." He straightens up with a grin. "I'll go get the little brat, I know where she hangs out." He leaves before I have a chance to say anything.

Aurora looks at me with sorrowful eyes. "If we help you, will you save Papa? Please?"

"I just want Carlisle back." There's a part of me that wants to keep Aro's head and body separate for a very long time. And there's a part of me that wants to dismember a certain part of his anatomy. But nothing matters more to me than finding my husband. "I appreciate your help."

She puts her face in her hands and weeps. "I'm so used to feeling him in my mind, and now there's nothing. If it wasn't for Mando and Ari, I would be lost."

"I know how you feel." I feel like I should hold her or comfort her, but I just can't. I wrap my arms around myself and wait for something to happen.

What happens is sudden as it is shocking. There's thumping at the door, and I answer it to find Armando had to kick instead of knock, as he's struggling with a scrappy little girl. May as well add kidnapping charges to the others against me. They tumble into the room and I shut the door.

"You can't do this! My friends are gonna kick your ass!" She doesn't wait on her friends, but kicks Armando in the shin and he lets her go with a grunt. "What are you looking at? I'm warning you lady, if you don't let me go, you'll be sorry!" She turns her angry eyes on me.

I'm stunned at the raw savagery facing me. I have to remind myself she's only two chronologically, though she's matured as a five year old. She's got the foul mouth of a teenager, and the attitude to match. She's the scruffiest kid I've ever seen, with her snarled hair and dirty clothes. She reminds me of a stray dog nearly turned feral.

"Do you have a name I can call you?" I soften my voice.

"I don't have to tell you my name, bitch."

"Her name's Felicia." Armando supplies, earning a deadly glare from the girl.

"My name's Felicia, but you can call me Fellatio." She gives him a defiant look, and I just gape. How did she get so bad in just two years?

"Bella, do you really think she's going to tell you anything?" Yanna looks worried.

"I forgot you were a crip, Dora. You used to be fierce. I'm glad I didn't put any money on the outcome of that fight. Arianna, you know she's gay, right? I wouldn't get too close." Her little baby face is spewing some serious adult poison.

"Felicia, I just need to know where to find your mother." I try to ignore her commentary.

"How the hell should I know? She's probably out humping dead guys."

"Is there someplace where she likes to go, when she leaves Volterra?" I steel myself for her answer.

"When she leaves, it's to go out and _make _dead guys. Not all the new ones stick to the animal diet like they're supposed to. You know she was a prostitute before she got knocked up and had to be changed. She's still a pro, she just takes her payment in blood." I sigh. She's not telling me anything helpful.

"I know where her mom likes to go." Armando grins. "She forgot she can't hide her thoughts, and she can't think in Greek."

"Get out of my head – freakin mind leech!" Armando smirks and she tries to kick him again. He easily blocks her, and she bites him instead.

He pushes her away from him. "Her mom sometimes goes to an abandoned hotel about an hour outside of Rome. A lot of gypsies camp there, and there's a lot of places to hide a body. Can I let the brat go, now that we've got all we need from her?"

"Yeah, let me go so I can get my friends. They're going to pound your face in, _mind raper._"

"No." He's already at the door, getting ready to release her. "I want to keep her a bit longer." She stomps her foot and screeches. "Yanna, will you call Alice and Jasper and tell them where to look."

I turn to my captive. "Before you go, I want you to have a bath. We'll get your hair and teeth brushed, and I'll wash your clothes. You're going to get something to eat, and _then _you can go."

"You can't make me do anything, you're not my mother!" I hear Yanna snicker at her angry declaration.

"You're absolutely right. If I were your mother, I'd have spanked you already. I'm not giving you a choice."

"You're wasting your time, Bella." Armando shakes his head. "This time tomorrow she'll be in the same shape she is now."

"I don't care." I sigh loudly. "I need something to do so I don't go crazy. I'm either going to behave as her mama; or I'm going to chase that woman down and put an_ end _to her mama." I turn a meaningful look at the girl. "You're choice."

"I should just let you go after her. She'd probably tear you up." She doesn't believe it, and I laugh.

"The bathroom is through there. The towels are in the closet. I'm sure Alice has got some great soaps and shampoos – use them." It seems some of the fight has gone out of her, and she disappears behind the door. "Don't lock the door." I wait a few minutes and hear the water running. In Alice's room, I find a short robe and a designer T-shirt that will make a nightgown for her.

I don't knock when I go in, and she squeals and tries to cover up as she sits in the bathtub. "What are you, some kind of pervert?"

"Yeah, I'm a pervert. I get my thrills from smart-mouthed little girls who smell bad." I gather up her clothes and toss them outside the door, and lay out the robe and T-shirt. I kneel beside the tub, and she looks at me like she can't decide if she needs to fight me. "Relax Felicia, you need your hair washed, and I know how to help get the tangles out."

"I don't want the tangles out. I don't want you to touch me."

"Just lie back and get it wet, and I'll keep the touching to a minimum." She's just a child, but I feel more than ever it's important to honor her wishes about being touched. I know exactly how she feels. Dirt floods from her hair, turning the water cloudy. I try to remind myself that Cipriana was likely a rape victim who didn't want to become a mother. But I can't understand a mother so completely turning her back on her own child. The girl has been so neglected, her wet hair is a mass of matting and tangles.

I work the shampoo into the mass, gently rubbing her scalp. For once I follow the instructions on the bottle for rinse and repeat. I let the water out and she seems ready to hop out. I don't let her, and fill the tub again as she grumbles. I condition her hair, and begin the process of combing through the mess while it's slick with conditioner.

When she's clean and rinsed, I help her dry and put on the T-shirt and robe. She almost looks like a five year-old. Aurora's alone in the room when we come out.

"Ari, Yanna, and Mando went to take care of her laundry, and get her something to eat." I sit on the couch and pull Felicia down in front of me. In the hour it takes me to work the knots and snarls out of her hair, she has time to eat enough food for two, bite Armando again, insult Yanna, and threaten me with bodily harm if I don't quit pulling her hair – which I do for each offense.

Her hair is thick, and when I'm finished I pull the baby fine mass into pigtails, which naturally fall into spiraling curls. She finally looks like a child.

"I have to admit, she looks a_ lot _better." Armando's comment earns him an evil glare. After she's eaten, I have to teach her how to brush her teeth, as no one has ever shown her. As much as she hated getting washed and having her hair fixed, I catch her stealing glances at herself in the mirror.

"Yes, you are a pretty little girl." The look she shoots me reminds me so much of Yanna. She isn't as skeptical, but she's obviously not used to nice things being said about her. My phone rings while she's standing on a stool, playing with the lip gloss I've given her from Alice's make-up collection. I step into the other room to answer.

"We've found her. You were right, she was hiding out in this old condemned hotel. She's been using it as a private hunting ground, since the gypsies who live here don't have anywhere else to go, and they don't talk to police. These poor wretches are doing all they know to do to keep her away. They've got crosses, holy water, garlic, and even wooden stakes."

"Did she tell you where to find him?" I couldn't care less about Cipriana.

"She claims she has no idea what we're talking about. She says we're crazy – especially you."

"She knows. She hid his body Alice, I don't need Edward's ability to know for sure." I speak quietly into the phone. "Tell her we have her daughter." I don't say anything about a threat, but I'm hoping it will be enough to compel her cooperation.

"We'll give it a try. I'll call you back." Ten minutes later I answer her call. "She says she doesn't care what you do to the kid, she won't tell us where to find him." I turn, and it's as if I can feel her eyes boring into me. Felicia has heard her mother's uncaring response.

"I'll tell you where to find him." Her words shock me, and I end the call. "Armando thinks just because I don't know Greek I can't foil a mind rape." She smirks at him. "A lot of us are learning how to block them. Maybe I can't block Aro, but they only read surface thoughts." She nods at Aurora as well. "I followed my mother after the duel. I know where she hid the body."

"Tell me!" I don't want to waste any more time.

"I want you to promise me something first." She looks pointedly at Armando. "You can't pull it from my head, so stop trying."

"What do you want." I'm quickly losing patience.

"My mother doesn't care about me. My father doesn't want me. I can't get into one of the families for at least four more years. And I'm too little to live on my own. I'll help you, but I want you to promise, you'll take me with you when you leave Volterra."

I stare at her. She looks like she belongs in kindergarten, but she's making a very adult demand. "Felicia... there are laws... I just can't _take you._"

"You already have. Trust me, no one's going to call out the Guard over me. I'll help you, but after this is all over, I want to get the hell out of here."

"If you're telling me the truth about everything, I'll take you with me."

"Promise?" She looks at me with eyes that don't know how to trust.

"I promise."

"Bella, the law won't let you take her." Yanna looks at me with sad blue eyes. "She has a mother and a father here. The new laws haven't addressed custody issues much, but the parents, especially the fathers if the mothers are dead, are supposed to take responsibility for their children. If it's not in the law, then the law of Italy has to apply. You can't take a five year-old girl away from her parents."

"The law isn't working!" I snarl in frustration. "I'm sick of all these legalities. I'm sick of standing by while vampires murder humans for food, and hybrids are treated like they're not people. I'm sick of laws that would let someone enact slavery. I'm sick of laws that let justice murder the innocent. And I'm sick of laws that would allow Aro to murder Carlisle and rape me!"

His children gasp. I look at them and chew my lip. "He didn't rape me, but he would have. And the damn law would have allowed it!" I look at Felicia. "If you still want out of here when we leave, I'll take you with us." She puts her tiny hand in mine.

"Let's go. I'll show you where I saw her take him."

"Give me a minute first." I go back to the bedroom. I'm stunned when I almost trip over him where he's waiting by the door. It looks as if he's rolled across the floor, but I know I didn't leave him unbalanced. I don't even give it a second thought. I'm absolutely certain that whatever keeps us alive, is working to rejoin him to his body. I hurry and find one of Alice's leather handbags. It's a black Gucci bag with it's own name, that holds him securely. Yanna looks at the bag when I come out, but the others don't seem to notice.

We all follow Felicia out, and Arianna pushes Yanna's wheelchair. It's about five a.m. and Felicia takes us down into the lower levels and few are up and about. The modern structures are all behind us, and she leads us into the tunnels I remember from my very first visit.

"A lot of us hide out down here. The blood suckers think we're good for a snack if there's no one to stick up for us. It's not that it really hurts, but it takes time to recover the blood loss. They've started carrying little knives with them, so they don't leave scars from the venom, but it's not as if they ask our permission."

"I thought the council was putting a stop to such things."

Her laugh is without humor. "The council has been trying to fix things. But they don't know how deep the problems go. They've done a good job at stopping the wars, and the big stuff. But there's a lot they miss. Volterra is a big place. The vampires left behind are good at keeping secrets. They made the fathers take responsibility for their kids, but it was their wives who really wanted us. My father doesn't give a shit about me. He's been mourning his wife since the war. Once my mother found out I wasn't enough to help her worm her way into his life, she lost interest in me."

"I'm sorry." She doesn't even look back as she leads us on through the labyrinth

"These tunnels go all under the main city. It lets the vampires move around town without attracting attention. But we've sort of taken them over now that they're not so worried about being spotted in the sun." She turns left and we move along past small rooms and alcoves off the tunnel. "This one leads to the cathedral. These used to be burial chambers." We have to carry Yanna and her chair up a set of stone steps. We emerge in what looks like a storage area.

Felicia moves quick, leading us through the unused part of the cathedral. We stop in a space behind the front of the sanctuary. I can hear her hushed whisper. "She brought him here. He's in the alter with the relics" I can only stare at the ornately carved altar. There's no way to get to it without being noticed by anyone in the area. Plus you'd need to have vampire strength to move the carved top "You don't lift the lid, there's an opening in the back."

"In an hour or two, it's going to be too late. I'm going to go get him. If anyone comes, distract them."

"Wait!" Armando grabs my arm. "I can tell someone's nearby." The six of us wait in the small room used for changing into robes. It reminds me of an old-fashioned telephone booth. Dad used to laugh about seeing how many of his friends could squeeze into them when they were kids. My senses tell me we wait thirty minutes, none of us making a sound that could carry to human ears.

When Armando finally nods to me, I creep out. It's the same place we came to be blessed after our intimate wedding. I can't help but notice the beautifully ornate ceiling, the statues, candles and columned archways. It's a holy place if ever there was one. I wonder if Cipriana understands the irony of her hiding place. If anyone doesn't belong here, it's a vampire. But if any vampire _does _belong here, it's Carlisle.

The back panel doesn't move easily. It's heavy metal made to fit securely into the opening and resist casual disruption. Even with the four screws, it's no match for me. I'm afraid of what I'm going to find when I open it up. I hear the approach of the priest. I also hear Aurora calling to him from the front of the cathedral.

"Please father, will you pray with me for my Papa?" I can hear the distress in her voice, but more importantly, I hear his footsteps moving away. I lay the metal on the floor, Inside, I smell age and decay. And I smell _him!_ I reach inside, careful to be as quiet as possible. Armando comes to help me, and together we pull his body out. It doesn't feel right to leave it open, but I want to do everything I can to make sure we're not discovered.

Together we carry his headless corpse out of the sanctuary and through the passageways behind us. At the stairway, I take over holding him myself, while Armando and Arianna help Yanna down the stairs. Once we're in the tunnels, we duck into a small room, and I sit on the floor, pulling his shoulders into my lap. Ari and Felicia both gasp when I pull the head out of the bag.

I'm scared as I do my best to align his head onto his neck. Just seeing them together makes me feel better, but the ragged edges of the cut speaks to my human side and tells me it's foolish to think it's going to work. I just hold him, If I could will him to live he would be breathing.

We all look up in alarm as we hear noise coming down the hall, but it's Aurora. I watch her exchange a negative look with Armando, and I've seen that look enough between Alice and Edward to know they don't think it's working, but they don't want to tell me.

"Come on Carlisle." I whisper to him as I stroke his hair. "I love you, baby... I need you. It's time to wake up now." I hold him against me, stroking his face. "Come on love, it's not over. Don't give up on me, I love you... I'm always going to love you." I breathe the words into his ear. The hybrids are all quiet as I chant my encouragement and 'I love you's' into his ear.

When his flesh starts to knit together, we're all amazed. I watch the alignment right itself, and both sides of the cut melt together like magic. It _is _magic. I hear his first breath rasp from his mended throat, and I don't think I've ever known such an overwhelming mixture of relief, love, happiness, and joy. I pull him almost sitting so I can kiss his face. To feel him move in my arms is a granted wish. He struggles to sit on his own, and looks around in confusion.

I watch him, and his vacant look worries me.

"Bella?" His whisper makes me smile. He looks around him. "What happened? Why are we in Volterra?" He struggles to sit up straighter. "I... thirst." He looks at the hybrids surrounding us and his eyes darken.

"He can have some of my blood..." Armando offers.

"...or mine." Aurora follows.

"_No!_ I could never... I have to get out of here!" I have to steady him on his feet "Thank you Bella." He pats my shoulder as he stands on his own. Something about his distance, and his first questions bothers me.

"Do you remember what happened to you?" I take his hand and he looks at me strangely.

"I have to go now." He pulls away from me and he's out the door before he answers.

"Go!" Yanna shoos me out the door, and I follow after him. He knows the tunnels better than Felicia, and he would have lost me if not for his scent and the sound of his footsteps. I'm only a minute behind him when I climb the stairs and lift the heavy grate to find myself outside the city wall. I follow his footprints at a run.

When I catch up to him, he's in the shadows of a stand of trees. He's fed, and he's going about hiding the sheep he's just killed.

"I hate to take livestock, but I couldn't wait. Be a dear and remind me to reimburse the owner, would you?" I nod. "I take it from the stains on my collar that I've lost my head?" Again I nod. "Was it an accident or intentional?"

"You don't remember?" I watch his confused face. "What's the last thing you do remember?"

"I... we went home. I mean to Canada. We needed a break, and Nessie was due to have her baby. You were on Esme Island... how did we get back here?"

"That's been weeks ago, Carlisle." I sit inelegantly on the ground and hug my knees. He doesn't remember any of it. He's forgotten me. He's forgotten _us!_

"Bella, are you okay?"

"No." I look up at him. "You don't remember _anything?" _

"Hey, what's wrong?" He sits beside me and puts his arm around me comfortingly. But it's not comforting. "Bella, what did I miss? Did Nessie have her baby?"

"You were there, Carlisle. You delivered her baby boy weeks ago."

"Is that when you came back from the island?"

"No. I missed the birth. You had to go and rescue me from the island... you don't remember any of it?"

"It sometimes happens with dismemberment. You don't mind filling me in, do you? I mean how much can happen in a few weeks?" He smiles.

"A lifetime. A lifetime can happen in less time than that." I don't even know how to talk to him now. How can I explain that we're in love, when he doesn't even remember our time on the island, or our courtship, or every moment we shared.

I pull out my phone and call Alice. "We've got him. Yes, he's... okay. Almost completely healed. No, physically he's fine, but his memory... Alice he doesn't remember anything after you all flew home before Nessie had her baby. It's all gone!" I listen to her words of comfort on the other end. I know he can hear her, and he's looking at me like we're keeping a secret from him.

"Alice, can you take care of Yanna for me when you get back. Arianna is with her now. I'm going to try to fill him in. Oh, and if Felicia wants to hang around, can you make her feel at home?" She wishes me luck and hangs up.

"How about we walk back nice and slow, and I'll try to tell you everything you can't remember. I hope you're ready to hear a crazy story." I reach out and take his hand.

"Why are you holding my hand?" He doesn't let go, but he's still looking at me with that blank stare and his brows drawn together.

"A very wise man once told me about the healing value of touching." I start by telling him what I was doing on the island. I explain how I was attempting to end my life, and how he found me there on the beach. I don't leave out any details.

"I hit you? Are you kidding me? That doesn't make any sense. I'm so sorry, Bella..."

"You've already apologized, and it's long forgotten." I tell him how we held each other just because we needed the comfort.

"Like this?" He puts his arm around me. I stop walking and we're in the cover of a forest.

"No. More like this." I wrap him in my arms and press my cheek against his chest. It takes him a few seconds, but then his arms come around me, and he just holds me. We stand together for a long time, and I feel his hand moving through my hair. I look up at him and he meets my eyes.

"There's more to this, isn't there Bella? You've changed. You've never looked at me like this before."

I sigh. "Yesterday you looked at me the same way." He brushes my cheek with his fingertips.

"Tell me the short version of what happened. There's a reason why you're here and why you look like... like I'm hurting you. I'm missing something important, I can feel it."

"A hurricane hit the island, and the house was destroyed. In the aftermath you were upset. We kissed. It was passionate and unrestrained, but I wasn't ready. We went back to Canada, and we did a lot more talking and... more kissing. So much has happened, and I'll tell you all of it, but …." His arms fall away as he stares at me in shock. I just gaze at him. My hand trembles as I reach out and touch the hair that's fallen onto his forehead.

"I never knew it was possible. I loved Edward so much I didn't think I could live without him. But you helped me to see a life beyond his death. Carlisle, I'm in love with you." I'm waiting for the moment he would look away or deny me. But he holds my gaze.

"May I kiss you?" His question gives me hope.

"Yes," I whisper. His hands cradle my face. He kisses me so softly, just a sweet little exploration. I open up and tease him with my tongue, and he gasps and pulls away.

"Bella, I wish I could remember. You say we kissed, but there's more, isn't there?"

"We've made love."

"Impossible! I would never make love to an unmarried woman. There's the proper order, and I learned the hard way not to go against it."

"Courtship, marriage, lovemaking – I know all about your perfect order. I know you didn't follow the rules with Gabriella, and now you live with regrets."

"So why would I make love with you? And damn it, why can't I remember!" He snarls in frustration, and paces away from me. His fingers furrow through his hair.

"Carlisle, you didn't break your perfect pattern." He turns suddenly and stares at me. I hold up my ring, and he comes closer. "The white diamonds are for Edward and Esme, and the blue diamond is..."

"...for hope." He completes my sentence. "Did we... " His eyes widen. "You're my wife."

"No one else knows. We went to the cathedral, we stood outside and we made promises. You recited from the Bible, and tied our hands together. Then we went inside and were blessed." He gapes at me.

"That's my idea of the perfect wedding."

"Our honeymoon was even more perfect. Jasper gave you the key to a secret room, and we made love all night."

"You really are my wife! I really want to remember."

"Let me give you a reminder." I put my arms around him and hold him close.

"Can I kiss you? I find I really want to." I tip my face up for his kiss His mouth is so gentle, but as we kiss, he becomes more inspired and passionate, and our tongues play together, as his hands move over me. "Bella..." He breathes my name.

"I have so much I want to tell you. There is so much you need to know. I've been worried sick about you. I thought I'd lost you."

"How did it happen? I mean losing my head." He's still holding me loosely in his arms.

"It's a long story. Hold on and I'll give you the highlights: We came back from the Island, but Alice had left. Duarte and Velasquez went to war. We were a few days behind so I could see Renesmee. While she was alone Alice had an affair with Aro. I was Nahuel's proxy on the council. Alice and I...fought. She told Jasper about the affair. He was devastated. He made it look as if he'd had an affair with Aro's daughter Arianna. We covered it up long enough for Jasper to get away. Aro learned that we'd lied. You were suddenly called away and returned to America with Colette. Eleazar tried to kill himself and he blew up his home in Denali – Colette is still there." He's looking at me like I've grown two heads.

"I know it's a lot to take in. I'll answer all your questions, but there's more. While you were gone, Aro decided he wanted me if he couldn't have Alice. He liked my silent mind, and he was angry at you for lying to him. I thought you'd chosen Colette and left me because I fought with Alice. We were still a very new couple." I sigh at my foolishness. "I spent some time with Aro, to help him with his children. Alice wanted me to keep him distracted so he wouldn't hunt Jasper. Then Caius' daughter attacked me, because her mother died in the war. She failed, and to save her from execution I claimed the right of bondage." He gasps at that. "I've helped her get over her loss and her anger. She's changed her name now to Yanna Cullen. But Joham tortured the girl, and Arianna attacked her and she almost died. You returned just in time to save her life."

"I was wondering why Dora was in a wheelchair."

"You operated on her brain since she couldn't stop bleeding. Joham's experiments messed up her immune system, and her supernatural healing isn't enough to overcome her bleeding disorder. She's trying to learn how to walk again. After you saved her life, we reconnected and... I told you I loved you. You were there before me, because I was afraid. You asked me to marry you. When I got over my reservations and agreed, we went through the ceremony like I told you. We made love."

My voice hitches. He doesn't remember any of it. Since we didn't tell anyone, it's as if it's a figment of my imagination. I squeeze my eyes closed, willing tears to form, then look up at him dry-eyed.

"Jasper challenged Aro to a duel to avenge the honor of his wife. You were his second. Aro paid Reese to fight Jasper, and Jasper almost killed him even after he shifted into a bear. Then Aro faced Jasper who was hurt, but you wouldn't let him. You and Aro faced off. You wouldn't attack him, but he couldn't hit you with his attacks. You dropped your guard to try to talk him into calling off the fight. Something made him snap. He stabbed you with Jasper's cutlass, then he took your head. He was going to burn your body, but I attacked him." He stares at me in shock.

"We think he planned it. I used the same attack on him I used in Denali. It didn't do much to hurt him, but he had me arrested for attacking him. I was dragged away before I even regained consciousness. When I woke up he claimed me as his bond slave. He'd totally slipped off the deep end. He took me back to his room and that's where he had your head. He thought he could threaten me into becoming his mate. He didn't know we were married. He was going to force me to..."

"My god!" He pulls me tight into his arms. "You suffered all that for me?"

"He didn't get what he wanted. I let down my shield, and forced him to see every memory of the past two years. I showed him how much I loved you. I showed him that he could never have that part of me. I turned on the noise in my quiet mind, and he decided I wasn't as desirable as he'd believed. He was going to punish me and probably make me watch Jasper die. But they'd already escaped. Even if Aro doesn't care about all the good you've done in Volterra, there are a lot of others who do."

"Jasper's okay?"

"He's fine. It seems the majority of the Guard still follows him. When he confronted Aro directly, he won the fight, and repaid him in the same way he treated you."

"Aro's dead?" He looks incredulous.

"Not exactly. He's in the execution chamber, in two pieces. I was more interested in finding you. Cipriana hid your body in the cathedral. Her little girl helped us get you back. Aro's children helped too. And now here we are."

"I don't remember any of it. But... I _feel _it." He looks puzzled as he gazes down at me. "I should still be mourning Esme; I know I was when we left here. But the crushing sadness is gone. And I know I should feel uncomfortable to be with you, but I don't. I feel crazily attracted to you. I don't remember kissing you, but when I kiss you it feels _right._"

I smile. "You've said I'm written on your heart."

"Do you really _love _me?" He looks like it's the craziest notion ever.

"I love you with all that I am. I've been a mess with you gone. I can't lose you Carlisle, please don't make me go back to how things were before."

He lifts my hand and looks at the ring. "It looks like something I'd choose. Is it a wedding ring or an engagement ring?"

"For us it's a wedding ring, but for everyone else it's an engagement ring. Alice has already started planning the big event, and we weren't going to tell anyone we were already committed."

"What's the point of a secret marriage?"

"Courtship, marriage, lovemaking. We were driving each other crazy. Who knows how long it's going to take Alice to plan her event."

"I married you so we could have sex?" He looks skeptical.

"No. We got married because we realized what we felt was real, and it didn't have anything to do with Esme or Edward. And it wasn't ever going to change." I pull away from him dejected. "But I guess we were wrong." I turn away from him so he doesn't have to see how much it hurts.

I feel his arms around me. He pulls me back against him. "I'm sorry Bella. I believe you, I just don't remember." He again holds my left hand, examining the ring. "If we married, then I made some pretty serious promises to you."

"Yes." I whisper.

"I will honor those promises. This has to fall under the for better for worse, in sickness and in health promise."

"We didn't say those vows."

"Really? Those are traditional." I recite our vows from memory. He turns me to face him. "If I made those promises, then you truly know my heart."

"I love you Carlisle. I don't know how to make you feel it too. I don't know what made you feel it in the first place. All I know is I need you, and I'll do whatever it takes to get that back." He holds me tight, but I'm not sure if it's to comfort his family member, or his love.

**A/N: I really hated doing this, especially after the last chapter. In case you haven't noticed, this is going to be a wee bit longer than thirty chapters. Thank you for reading.**


	32. Chapter 32 Memories

Chapter 32

Memories

"Will you kiss me, Bella?" I look up at his face, and see uncertainty and hope.

"You don't even have to ask." I touch his face and run my fingers through his hair. I stretch up to him, and press my lips to his. Soft little kisses deepen to insistent exploration as my fingers twine in his hair and pull him closer. I feel his passive observation, and I don't let him play it safe. I press against him and my tongue relentlessly teases. I taste him and demand a response with my mouth on his. I kiss him like a lover.

He struggles away from me and stares, breathless. "I need to slow down." His eyes are wide with wonder. "This is really happening – my god how could I have forgotten you?" He paces in agitation. He wheels and faces me. "Aro knew!" he accuses "He's been around long enough to know what happens when our parts are separated for any length of time. He wanted to erase my memory! He tried to take you, and he wanted me to forget you – and heaven help me – I did!"

His hands tear through his hair and I worry he's going to pull it out. I put my arms around him. "It's too late to worry about that now. I'll remember for both of us." He calms enough to put his arms around me. "We're not going to let him win."

He stares at me for a long while, slowly coming back to calm as he lightly touches my hair, rubs my shoulder, strokes my arm – all safe touches. "Bella... you're beautiful. I'm sorry, I've just never thought about you like this. There was always Edward."

"I know. It's the same for me. We've been all through this. So much happened on the island, Carlisle. Without you I'd have been lost. This didn't happen overnight. At first you just held me I'd been alone for two years, and the only time anyone really touched me was when I broke down."

"There's a lot of healing power in touch." His hands move slowly over my back.

"I know. You told me that. We did a lot of healing on the island." I laugh. "When you weren't torturing me with bad singing, Mel Brooks movies, or falling off a surfboard.

"We went surfing?" He looks doubtful.

"_I _went surfing. _You_ tried to get the award for most impressive fall."

"Now I know you're messing with me. I do remember _you're _the one famous for falling."

"Not when it comes to surfing. I'm gifted, and you are not." I smile up at him. "The island changed a lot of things. It's the first time I was able to look at you as someone other than a father figure." He flinches as I reach up to play with his hair. "Do you think you can try? I don't know how I can love you so much, if you don't love me too."

"It might take some time. This is a lot to take in."

"I won't hold you to it. If you can't remember the promises and you can't feel that way for me again, I won't make you..." I can't even finish. It sounds too much like I'm letting him go. I'm never going to let him go, but I might have to set him free.

"I don't want to hurt you, but I am. I can see it." He touches my cheek where tears would be falling if I could cry. His gentle fingers trace the contours of my face before he tips my chin up. When he kisses me, I try to relax and let him lead. His soft kisses get more and more passionate, and I don't stop him when his hands move over my bottom, relearning my curves.

His reservations have slipped, and we're kissing, and touching, and I feel his arousal. He pulls away. "My god – you're so bold! You let me touch you and kiss you, and I just want to ravish you. Bella... is this real? My body is leading me where my mind is afraid to go. I don't want to hurt you."

In answer, I take his hand and lead him further into the woods. A gap in the trees has allowed tall grasses to cover a small patch of ground. I kneel and pull him down with me onto the sun warmed grass. When I lie back he just gazes at me. In my distant memory I remember innocently lying with Edward in our perfect meadow. But this is not Edward, and my intentions are definitely not innocent.

I reach for him, and he lies beside me. "Don't worry about hurting me. I'm not fragile, and you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. I'm not demanding you perform out of duty or because you made a promise. Can you hold me and kiss me?"

In answer he does just that. I tell myself it's enough, just to hold him and taste his sweet kisses. I take in his now familiar scent, and wonder if he's noting mine for the first time. Side by side it's about kisses and light exploratory touches. "I love the way you kiss me, Bela." It's a start. His hand moves over my breast; a favorite spot of his, even if he doesn't remember. I arch into his touch and he groans. I worry he'll pull away, but instead he presses forward, and covers me with his body. He's mine, even without his memory.

He breaks away from our kiss and looks down on me. I feel his indecision and his need. I tug the hem of my shirt from between us and pull it over my head. My skin sparkles in the sun, but that's not what makes him stare. I reach up to work the buttons of his shirt, and he surprises me when he pulls it over his head and tosses it aside. I smooth my hands over his chest, before he falls back into kissing me.

I kiss him hungrily as he learns me again. His look of wonder is precious to me. I _want_ him. I'm about to slip out of my pants and invite him to make love here and now. Then he pulls away from me and stands. He's pacing in agitation as I sit up and reach for my top.

"I can't! I mean I _can,_ but I... not now – not like this." He groans and runs his fingers through his hair. "I want this... Bella I want you. But I can't stop thinking that it's just not fair to you. You deserve someone who's all in. You deserve someone who loves you, and I'm not there yet. I want to try, but if I never get there, it would feel like I was using you."

I pull my top over my head and stand to face him. "You don't have to apologize." I try to pretend it doesn't matter, but I feel the familiar bitter taste of rejection on my tongue. I guess that's what I get for always falling for men with iron control.

"You wouldn't be the man I love if you weren't so considerate. But you don't have to worry about using me, Carlisle." I approach him where he stands. He looks downright skittish; like he could take off running if I move too quick. "I want whatever you want." I reach out and take his hand. "I love you, and if you want me I'm yours. But if you need to go slow, I'll try to go slow." He relaxes a bit and squeezes my hand.

"I think we need to get back." He pulls his shirt back on, brushing the loose grass from his sleeves. His words unintentionally hurt. Just yesterday he wanted nothing more than to be alone with me. Now he's pulling away.

"Wait." I wrap my arms around him and meet his eyes. "I changed my mind. I _do _want to hold you to your promises. What we have together is more than just a few weeks worth of healing and sexual tension. It's not something I can pretend never existed. It's real to me, and yesterday it was real to you too. I'm not going to let go. We weren't just a memory. You are the same Carlisle who loved me enough to marry me. Maybe you can't trust your memory, but you have to be able to trust yourself."

He gently holds me, and I press my face against his chest, feeling comforted if not loved. "I'm not letting go..." I murmur into his shirt as I snuggle into him. "...I love you. By your own choice, I'm your wife. I want to be your wife, and I love you too much to let you go. I'm willing to fight for us, no matter what it takes. My mom and dad quit when I was still little, and I don't intend to make that mistake. I'm too much like my dad, and I know I don't get over heartbreak easily.

I look up at him and meet his gaze. "Carlisle, I adore you. I know so much more about you now, and everything I learn makes me yearn to spend eternity with you. I love your quirky sense of humor, your bad poetry, and your romantic side. I appreciate your history, and I'm so saddened by the way you lost your human family. I was surprised to hear about Gabriella, and your exploits during World War II." I caress his dear face.

"I know there are things you've shared with me that no one else knows. I know there is a deep well of wild passion that runs through you, and it answers a need I have in me. I know when we make love, the earth moves." I feel him catch his breath and he stares at me wide-eyed. I laugh softly. "It really is that good with us, Carlisle. You truly don't know what you're missing." I glance at the spot where the grass is mashed down. I'd still love to take him there.

"I want to make love to you, until you remember me. But maybe you're right and we need to slow down. I want you to know me for more than the woman who rocks your world in bed – or out of it as the case may be." The look on his face tells me I'm getting to him with all the talk of lovemaking. I want to laugh. In his mind it's still been two years since he's been touched. "You may never remember what we had, but I know we share a connection. Edward and Esme are gone, and we're still here. I'm going to love you and treat you so good, you won't be able to resist me." I smile. "If I was in your place, I'd want you to hold on. You can trust me Carlisle. Even if you never feel love for me again, I'm _still _going to love you."

He touches my face, then runs his fingers through my hair. "I don't know what to say. This all feels so sudden to me. I want to feel this connection you're talking about. I can see your feelings have changed quite a bit. It kills me that I married you and can't remember it."

"Not like a vampire, but like a man, humbly before his God." I quote him. The play of emotions across his face shows me how complicated he is. He looks like he's torn between his faulty memory and what I've told him.

Once the moment of confusion passes, he fixes me in his predatory gaze and I watch a change come over him. His eyes bore into mine and he licks his lips. He doesn't just kiss me; he attacks me with his mouth and body His voracious hunger takes me by surprise. His arms surround me and pull me against him tight. I meet him in his passion, tasting him and touching him with reckless abandon. His fingers tear through my hair as he feasts on my mouth. His hands touch, grope, squeeze, and fondle me Our noises of love and lust blend together, and I'm anxious for the moment he would throw me on the ground and take me.

He again pulls away, leaving me gasping as he paces away from me. When he comes back in a rush, I expect him to take me in his arms, but instead he stops and stares at me with undisguised lust. "My god Bella, I _want _you!" His guttural rasp fans my desire. "But I _can't. _Damn!" He clenches his fists. "I have to be in love first... I just _have _to." He looks at me with such longing, and I reach out to touch him, but he turns away before my fingers reach his face.

He turns and strides to the nearest tree. He looks as if he's about to hit it, and likely knock it down. Then he stops and instead clenches his fist, throws his head back, and yells into the sky. The sound tears at me, reminding me of how I raged at the storm when I was on the island and grieving for Edward. It's pain, anger, and frustration, screaming from him in a howl the werewolves would envy.

I wait for him, feeling every bit as overwhelmed as he does, but afraid to give it a voice. If I started wailing, I might never stop. He stares up at the blameless blue sky for long moments. Then he comes back, once again under control. He holds his hand out for mine, and I reach for him. He folds our fingers together, and kisses the back of my hand.

"Come on beautiful, we need to get back." He starts to lead me through the woods in the direction of Volterra.

"We still have a lot we need to talk about." I didn't want to give up the precious time I had with him before his duties would clam him from me.

"I know. But we have to get back and put Aro back together."

I pull away from him and stop walking. "You're kidding – right?" I can't believe what I'm hearing. "Didn't you hear me? He would have raped me if I hadn't defended myself! He did this to you!"

"I know!" He looks angry, then his face softens as he looks at me. "I heard you... I'm not planning to excuse what he did. I want him to pay for what he's done – more than you know. But every hour he's separated, he could be losing memories just like I did. I want him to remember why he's going to be punished." He turns in his agitation then faces me again. "To be perfectly honest, this is the worst punishment I can thing of – I mean it's cruel! Our memories make us who we are, and I don't want to take that away from anyone, not even Aro."

"Okay." I take his hand again. "Let's go." We start off at a brisk walk, but then we pick up speed as the woods fall behind us. We can sense that we're alone as we approach the back wall of Volterra. We sprint the distance to the grate leading to the tunnels. At the bottom of the steps he stops to hold me and kiss me softly.

"I'm going to try, Bella. If I knew how to make myself fall in love, I would." I'm reminded of my conversation with Colette. I know he's trying to make me feel better, but it just worries me more.

I follow him through the tunnels until we come out into an upstairs hallway. I expect he'll want to go back to our rooms, but instead he hurries off to the execution chamber. I keep up with him. There's a small crowd in the room; most of them the Guard that stayed loyal to our side. Jasper's sitting on the edge of the fire pit, trying to sharpen the ashes from his cutlass. He abandons the chore as we come in.

It's clear that Jasper is no longer the aloof observer of the family. He rushes to Carlisle and wraps him in a fierce hug and holds him for long moments. He kisses his cheek before he releases him. "I'm so glad you're alright, we've all been worried sick."

"I'm not quite a hundred percent yet, but we can talk about that later. Right now, I think we need to get Aro back together." I feel a little vindicated as Jasper gapes at him like I did.

"Do you know what he tried to do?"

"Yes, I'm aware. But the longer he's disembodied, the more likely it is he'll forget the events that he's going to be punished for. So let's get him locked up tight, and put Aro Dumpty back together again."

"I can't. Alice ordered him to be kept this way. You do remember she's the one in charge here, right?" Jasper looks nervous at having to defy him.

"It's okay Jasper." Alice steps into the room. "I wasn't sure how to handle this situation. If you'll get him shackled, I'll get his noggin." Before she passes us, she gives me an apologetic look, then she too hugs Carlisle. "It's good to have you back."

It's not as dramatic watching Aro's head graft itself back onto his body. But it is gratifying to see him come to in chains. There are several minutes of yelling, threats and demands before he actually settles down to direct questions our way.

"What's going on here?" He looks at Jasper. "How did you get free? I swear, I'll execute every member of the Guard who turned against me!"

"It looks like you're memory's fine." Alice lightly steps to Jasper's side and takes his hand, and they both stare at Aro. "That will be good for when you stand trial."

"What? Have you lost your mind? I'm not about to stand trial for accepting a challenge and defending myself."

"No of course not. You're going to stand trial for the abduction and attempted rape of Isabella Cullen. Also for trying to destroy Carlisle Cullen without due process."

"I didn't abduct her, she was my bond servant!"

"Again, you didn't follow due process. You can't just declare someone to be bonded to you."

"Cipriana backed me up on this."

"Cipriana is merely an alternate on the council – a stand in until we fill her spot. And even if you grant her the power of her seat, she didn't make the proper declarations. What's to stop two council members from enslaving anyone who opposes them?"

"She's not just anyone, she attacked me and tried to kill me! I have witnesses, and I am within my rights, as she very well knows." Even in chains, Aro still commands attention

She can't kill you with her shield, and she was only trying to protect a fellow council member from your attempted assassination." Alice sounds every bit the leader as she cuts through his argument.

"This is ridiculous! She wasn't protecting a fellow council member. She didn't use her shield to protect Reese when Jasper was about to end him. She was protecting her _lover!_" He snarls and his eyes find me. His deep burgundy gaze burn into me with a hatred I can feel.

"Carlisle and Bella are engaged, they're not lovers. Even if they were, it's not against the law." Alice's authority is wearing thin as he seems to get more angry and agitated.

His ferocious snarl rivals the lions in Africa. He strains the chains and his face is a livid red as he rages. "Don't lie to me! They_ are _lovers – I am not a fool." He again looks my way, and I know if he could get his hands on me, I would be ended. "You mock me with your lies. I know!" I wonder if he's touched Carlisle since our wedding. I remember the duel, and the only touches were when Carlisle threw him. He touche him then.

"I didn't lie about how I felt. I've told you all along I love Carlisle. I wasn't trying to make a fool of you, Aro." I can't understand why he's so angry. He again lunges the length of the chains, and I see the Guard looking nervous, as if he could break free.

"You conspired with him to take Volterra from me! You've turned my own family against me! You took your lover to my private chambers to rub my nose in the scent of your defilement! You can't do this to me and get away with it!" I feel the venomous spray from his lips as he raves."You won't get away with it! I'll destroy you both!" I'm stunned and can't say a word.

I feel a tugging on my elbow. It's Carlisle trying to lead me away. I follow him as he leads me from the chamber and down the hall out of hearing distance.  
>"What is he talking about? I didn't do those things, did I?"<p>

"Of course not. You've been working to fix what's wrong with Volterra. He's just resisting the change." I don't know how to explain Aro's outburst.

"What's that about his private chambers?" I hate that he doesn't remember.

"I'm not sure, but he might be talking about hour honeymoon suite." At his blank look I go on. "Jasper gave you a key to a room hidden away in the old part of the building. It didn't show up on any map he'd seen, and no one claimed it. He just figured it was a secret trysting place for one of those who didn't make it back from Volterra." I felt like I should be blushing. "After we said our vows, we went there and..."

"Are you saying we had sex in Aro's bed?" He looks incredulous.

"I hope not – we sort of broke it." His jaw drops. "We had no way of knowing, and we were going to fix it when we went back to clean up the room, but then there was the duel, and everything went crazy after that."

"I'm not sure what's more unbelievable; that we invaded his sanctuary, or that we somehow broke the bed."

"The room hadn't been used in ages, and we had no way of knowing. Jasper hid out there when everyone was looking for him, and he had it cleaned before he gave you the only key."

"Well, it's obviously not the only key, if he knows about us." He paces in the hallway, looking so confused I just want to hold him. When he stops his eyes find mine. "I'm sorry Bella. It seems my error has cost you quite a bit. I don't understand why he's blaming you for something I did."

"I think I can answer that one." She walks up on us while we're distracted. Aurora looks awful, with her eye make-up smudged from crying. "Let's go somewhere we won't be interrupted." We wind up back in Nahuel's room. She sits in the only chair, leaving us to sit on the bed, or stand over her. We sit side by side, and I can't help but remember making out with him there, just days before.

"Papa is very angry with you both." She sighs and her hands flutter in her lap. She looks at Carlisle. "He thinks you're trying to take Volterra away from him. He thinks you want to take everything he values – maybe as a payment for what you lost in the war."

"That couldn't be further from the truth. I only came here to help; why doesn't he see that?"

"He used to understand. But several things happened since your return. First was putting Bella on the counsil in Nahuel's place. He tried to oppose you but he was overruled. Then when she antagonized Alice, it came out that he'd had an affair with her. He was hoping to continue that relationship, as he has a very high regard for Alice." She looks embarrassed, and her fingers knit nervously together in her lap. "Then there was Jasper's attack on Arianna, and he felt it was a personal attack on him – which it was. Ari's been having nightmares again ever since." Her eyes meet mine, and I remember she can hear them.

"When you covered it up, she went along with it. He's upset she sided with you against him. But when Carlisle left, he thought he'd have a chance to make things right. He decided he'd seduce you away from him." She's still looking at me. "He was very impressed with you. He liked the way you spoke with Ari, and he even liked that Mando let down his guard with you. When we had our sleep over he... began to want you... as a lover." Her eyes dart away from mine. "I don't like that I know these things, but Papa is an open book to me."

"It's okay Aurora, I don't hold you responsible for any of this." I pat her shoulder.

"I only wish I'd seen it coming. But Papa knows how to distract his mind when he doesn't want me to know things. He didn't want me to know how he was coming to regard Carlisle with hostility and suspicion."

"I don't understand, Aurora. I thought we were friends." He's more in the dark than I am.

She doesn't look at either of us; staring instead at her hands as she continues. "He... It's the database that started him thinking. He's been adding a lot of information to it anonymously. I had to help him learn how to navigate the site, but he didn't want me to see the information he put in. But I did hear some of it. It has to do with several who escaped and ran away while Joham was here. He's trying desperately to see what might have happened to them." She looks hurt as she continues.

"I felt his thoughts, and he was feeling so much guilt. He was wondering if he was following in Joham's footsteps. He was trying to come to terms with all that had happened since the Cullens left Volterra when Renesmee's baby was born. He saw his affair with Alice as a failing. He's always been smitten with her, but he took advantage of her when she was still so traumatized. He wasn't proud of his actions, especially when Jasper attacked Ari. He knows Jasper could have easily killed Ari."

She wipes her own eyes at the thought. "His pursuit of you Bella was at first to retaliate against you Carlisle. But when he saw how well you treated his children, he looked at you with more consideration. The sleepover made him truly begin to want you. I know you kissed, but he wanted much more. Even when you told him you loved Carlisle, he thought he could change your mind. With Carlisle gone, he thought he could win you away from him.

"The music lesson was the first time the three of us had done anything together in years. You found a way to get through to Mando, and when Papa saw us playing together, he began to dream that you would join our family." Her eyes meet mine briefly. "So did I." She looks away.

"Dora's attack and the way you saved us made us all appreciate you. But it was also the first step in losing you. You saved her and adopted her, and had no time for us. Part of the reason Ari attacked her was because... we've all been without mothers, but she's already had one, and she was taking another away from us." Her tear streaked eyes meet mine. "I know that's not fair to you, but hope is a fragile thing to us. It's even more so for Papa." She dabs at her eyes with the tissue I offer her.

"Papa knew you were in love with Carlisle, and he was ready to let you go. He didn't want to be like Joham and force someone to love him. He hoped that by backing away, you wouldn't want to charge Ari for attacking Dora. He was even ready to concede that Jasper should be cleared of the charges against him.

"But then Carlisle came back." She sighs. "He began thinking that Carlisle was attacking him from within, like Joham. He saw the young men trying to emulate Carlisle. He saw his Guard again and again unable to find Jasper. Mando began to learn to control his talent, and he was openly critical of Papa, saying he wished he'd been raised by Carlisle instead." Her fingers knot themselves and her knuckles turn white.

"Joham came in peace and friendship, and took everything away from Papa. He began to see Carlisle as doing the same. He began to conclude that every time he and Carlisle faced one another throughout history, they'd been on opposite sides. He has always wanted Carlisle to join him and add his coven to the Volturi, but Carlisle has instead assembled his own powerful coven. He's taken Nahuel, Gemma, Colette, Huilen, and also Dora away, and he feared others might leave as well.

"When Jasper challenged him to the duel, he was irritated you were using the old laws against him. But he decided to have Reese fight in his place. Papa was afraid he'd kill Jasper if they fought. He wasn't as concerned about the outcome as you might think. No matter who won, honor would be restored, and he would save face.

"Something happened between the challenge and the duel. I didn't understand, but Papa felt betrayed by you both. He feels you've been working to make a fool of him and turn the Volturi against him. His thoughts are so... chaotic and vengeful now. He's obsessed with a room... he kept a secret room which was his alone, away from us. In our apartment he's Papa, and in the audience chamber he's Lord Aro of Volterrra. This place was sacred to him. I don't know why, but he feels it's been – desecrated. He discovered it before the duel, when he went there to think."

She looks up at us. "I'm sorry, I know you don't understand why he feels this way. I can't understand it myself. There's something about that room he feels is special, and I can't pull it from his mind. He believes you two went there to... mark your territory." She blushes and I wonder what image that marking took.

"We didn't know it was his room." I speak softly.

"I know that. But Papa believes it was too much coincidence. When Carlisle openly challenged him to save Jasper, it was like he was challenging him for Volterra itself. He saw Ari spending time with Yanna, and he knew Mando was rebelling, and he even feared that I would leave him. He blames you both for all the changes and what seems to be slipping right through his hands. And for some reason, there's something tied up in that data base and the runaways. I can't pull it from his head – which is unusual itself."

"Yanna has mentioned them as well. She said she can't remember them, but she's been here all along, and she should know them."

"Would someone fill me in on this?" We both look at Carlisle.

"Aurora, Carlisle's lost his memories of all the time that's passed since he left to see Nessie."

She looks shocked. "That's why I haven't been able to see your motives! I had no idea that was possible. You don't remember anything? The duel? The council meeting where you opposed Papa? Nothing?"

"I don't know any of it. It's like I woke up and all these weeks have passed while I slept."

"Oh how awful!" She looks at me, suddenly realizing that he doesn't remember our courtship and that we were a couple. "He doesn't remember you either...?" I shake my head, unable to speak the words. She stands suddenly and hugs me. "I'm so sorry... now I know why you've been so sad and reserved!"

"It's okay Aurora." I can't say more past the lump in my throat.

"Can I help?" She brightens suddenly. "I can both read and send thoughts. I could transfer your thoughts to him, and he could _see_ what he missed!" Her face falls. "Oh, I forgot I can't read you."

"Yes you can." I stare at them both, feeling suddenly hopeful. "If you think it will work, I'd like to try." We both look at Carlisle.

"Won't it be just like her telling me what happened? I don't know what there is to gain. And isn't it hard for you to lower your shield?" He looks so concerned for me.

"It takes concentration, but I've had a bit of practice. I want to do it."

"When I send thoughts, sometimes it's like words spoken, or images I've seen. With those I'm most familiar with, it's a flood of thoughts just as I experience them. I've transferred thoughts from one to another before, and those who receive them tell me it's like seeing a movie or remembering a vivid dream. It's a bit like what Renesmee does." She looks expectantly from me to Carlisle.

"How much privacy will Bella have regarding what you see?" He still seems worried.

"I only read surface thoughts unless I'm very familiar with your mind. It will just be what she's thinking. But if she's thinking it, I won't really be able to filter what I send. If she thinks about picking her nose, then you'll get that image uncensored."

"So you can't change it or edit it?" I thought he was worried, but what I'm seeing is the curiosity of the physician.

"Carlisle... please." I want him to agree. He shrugs.

"Okay. What do we need to do?" He still looks nervous. "I'm sorry. Edward used to read my thoughts, but he was never able to put thoughts into my head. Will I know the difference between her thoughts and my own.?"

She laughs. "Of course. You'll know the difference." She moves, and sits between us. "Since I don't know your minds very well, it might help if I touch you." She takes our hands. "Now Bella, when you drop your shield, just start slowly with what we all know. Then you can remember the things you want him to see. I can see everything you show me, so if it embarrasses you, don't dwell on it."

I concentrate, and stretch my shield to include her.

"I'm not sure what you're doing Bella, but you're blocking my sending."

"Oh! I forgot if you're inside my shield then he's on the outside." I have to concentrate harder to move it further and include Carlisle. They both chuckle when I think about elephants. When she told me not to dwell on something if it embarrasses me, it reminded me of the challenge not to think about elephants when someone tells you not to think about elephants. I make my elephant purple, just to distract myself from the embarrassing thoughts my mind wants to reveal.

"I thought elephants were supposed to be pink." Carlisle smiles my way.

"I'm not drinking." I smile back.

"Well, since it appears to be working, you might want to think of something Carlisle has forgotten." Aurora's ability reminds me so much of Edward and Nessie, I feel at ease with her already. She squeezes my hand in response to the thought and gives me a shy smile.

I close my eyes, trying to really get in touch with my memory of events. I think about the island, and how he found me on the beach the first day. I try to take care, recovering each memory of our time on the island. As I look back, I can see it's when I started to fall in love. With vampire clarity I show him how we connected, from holding one another on the bed, to consoling him after the hurricane. I don't even hold back our first kiss, even though Aurora might be uncomfortable.

From there I show him the plane ride, the hotel, and the trip back home. I show him all the moments we were together, from our time in his room to our visit with Nessie. I replay our conversation on the plane to Volterra, and I show him when we decided to become a couple. I hate it, but I show him my confrontation with Alice and his response.

"Wait a minute..." He breaks the connection. "...you and Alice fought like that? That little girl destroyed the conference table? I can't believe I can't remember something so dramatic. Bella, I'm so sorry I reacted the way I did. I obviously didn't see it from your point of view when it happened."

"It's okay Carlisle. It's all behind us, and it helped to break down the wall she was building around herself." He relaxes and takes Aurora's hand. Again I stretch my shield.

I show him his time away from Volterra, including our phone conversations. I find it impossible not to think about the suggestive parts. I show him his return, and how he saved Yanna's life. I show him his proposal and our calls home. And I show him how he's helped Yanna to recover. When I get to our wedding, I walk him through slowly, so he doesn't miss a moment of it.

When it comes to the honeymoon, I feel Aurora fidget uncomfortably, but I only edit enough to give the pictures an R rating instead of an X. He deserves to know what it was like to be there. I also don't hold much back when I show him everything that happened leading up to the end of the duel, including making love to him in a frenzy on the floor. I want to show him what happened after he lost his head, but I don't want to taint Aurora's memories of her father. I let go of her hand and let my shield snap back.

She stands and hugs me tight. "I'm so sorry for all you went through. Thank you for not showing me Papa's madness. Don't worry, I'll keep your secrets. "I need to go and check on my family." She leaves in a hurry, and I remember how hard it was for Edward to deal with hearing everyone's thoughts all the time. The door clicks behind her, and we're alone together. We sit on the bed, two feet apart, gazing at one another.

"That's a pretty detailed memory you've got there." His smile is tentative and he looks embarrassed.

"Vampire memories don't fade, remember." I smile a little. "At least they're not supposed to fade."

"I'm a little stunned at everything you've shown me. I would love to be able to see those memories through my own eyes, then maybe I could see your beautiful face instead of my own. But it really looks like you haven't exaggerated. We really are good together." He slides closer to me and takes my hand. "I told you I loved you so many times – it feels strange that I can't recall it." He squeezes my hand. "I really want to love the woman you showed me. I mean the woman you are now."

One moment he's talking about what I showed him, and the next I'm in his arms and we're kissing. I'm surprised when I peek, he's got his eyes open and I pull away."

"You're looking at me – is there something wrong?"

"I want to see you. I've got a full measure of your memories, and now I want some of my own." He again kisses me, and I'm conscious of his eyes being open, even though I close mine. He pulls me tighter as our kiss deepens. He doesn't seem as resistant, and my fingers glide through his hair, and his hands move over my back. It's so innocent I'm not prepared for his escalation. He leans me back and covers me with his body, and his hand finds my breast. I moan into his kiss.

He raises up enough to gaze down at me. "You're so beautiful. I'm a lucky man, that you've shown me so much patience and love." His smile is the first real one I've seen since our whole ordeal began. "You really are my wife." His smile brightens. "I can't believe I get to keep you. It's not some kind of crazy prank where they reveal that I'm really going to be alone forever. You really want to be with me – that amazes me. Bella, you could have anyone..."

"I only want you, Carlisle. I only love _you._"

He laughs. "I'm not trying to talk you out of it. I feel like I've won the lottery, and I didn't even have to buy a ticket." He kisses me quick and his smile doesn't fade. "I learned one thing through your memories." His hand slides over my breasts , making me gasp. "I told you several times, that if I made love with you, I'd _love_ you. I think I want to test that theory. Do you still want to make love with me?"

"Yes please." Just the feel of him on me is making me crazy. His weight and the feel of his arousal against me is too much temptation. I want him. He may not remember, but I know what his body does to mine, and I want to go there with him. He kisses me with unrestrained passion.

"Do you like this?" He tears away to ask.

"I love when you lose control with me." His kisses, his touches, and even his lust is making me hunger for him. I'm seconds from tearing his clothes off and making him mine all over again.

The knock at the door brings us to an unexpected halt. "Bella, Carlisle... are you there?" It 's Alice. I'm pretty sure she knows we're in here, and I hear the nervousness in her voice. He groans as he gets up and we put ourselves back together.

"Later." His whispered promise in my ear makes me want to ignore Alice and take him anyway. Instead we answer her, and she comes in, carrying Felicia piggy back.

"I don't mean to bother you, but we have a lot of decisions to make, and we have to do something with Aro." She looks guiltily at the both of us. "Plus Yanna probably needs some kind of attention."

"I told you it was a bad idea to bother them." Felicia drops down and takes the chair, kneeling in the seat to make herself look taller. "Any moron could tell they were were getting it on." She doesn't seem to care that three adults are staring at her. It's just the dash of cold water I need to bring me back to reality. Alice is right, we have a lot to decide. I give one last longing look at him, and he meets my eyes, sharing my disappointment.

**A/N; I'm going to out myself on some continuity errors in this story. I'm hoping I'll get them fixed, but the way I procrastinate who knows when that will be. **

**One, Rosalie has had her face healed twice. **

**Two, Nahuel's room has no windows, but Bella guessed the time by the sunlight.**

**Three, She was married in a sundress, but later Carlisle stripped her out of her pants.**

**Four, She tore the bathroom door off to get to Dora, but never had to fix it.**

**Five, Bella's attack shouldn't be physical, but more a mental smack down, like a shock to the mind. Dora and Aro wouldn't have hit a wall. My bad. **

**I'm not sure how much longer this story will run. A few unexpected ties have revealed themselves, and... I'm long winded as usual. I sure do appreciate all the reviews. **


	33. Chapter 33 Reconnection

Chapter 33

Reconnection

The four of us sit in uneasy silence for a few moments, and Felicia breaks the ice.

"What do you have to eat around here?" She wanders into Nahuel's kitchen and prowls through the empty cupboards, before she finds Yanna's meager food stash in the refrigerator. I'm surprised when she digs out a skillet and prepares to grill her own steak.

"Let me do that for you." I move her away from the stove and she scowls at me.

"I can cook for myself bit... Bella!"

"I'm sure you can. But I don't have another chair for you to stand on, and quite honestly, I don't want to take another hybrid to the clinic. How do you like your steak? I'm guessing rare."

"You know it!" She actually smiles. "I've never seen a bloodsucker who could cook."

"Bella's an excellent cook." Carlisle leans in the doorway watching me. I turn the heat up on high and seer the steak to seal in the juices. I add a dash of salt, and fresh pepper, but Nahuel doesn't have more spices.

"Carlisle can cook too." I put the steak on a plate, and it's still running with juices. I turn to face him as Felicia nabs the steak and tears into it while standing at the counter. "Nessie always loved your stuffed french toast."

"You showed me how to make it." We stare at each other over her head. I want to teach him so much more.

"Holy shit, this is amazing! You can cook for me anytime." She's making a bit of a mess with the steak and I turn to get her a paper towel to wipe her face.

"Ahem!" Alice stands there with her arms crossed, facing the girl.

"Aw, come on; I'm _eating_!" Felicia looks annoyed.

"I heard you, and you made the deal." Alice smiles triumphantly, and Felicia drops her knife and fork in disgust.

"Fine," she mutters. Alice stoops down, and Felicia wraps her arms around her neck and hugs her tight. Alice kisses her little cheek, then lets her go. Felicia goes back to eating, ignoring Alice. I follow Alice into the other room.

"What was that?" I point through the door and Alice grins.

"You told me I should let Felicia hang out if she wanted to. Well, the little chick's got the foulest mouth I've ever heard. Jasper wanted to spank her or wash her mouth out with soap. I thought about fining her a quarter for every cuss word, but I'm already rich, and I'm pretty sure she isn't. So we agreed, that she'd have to watch her language if she stuck around. Every time she slips, she has to pay me one hug lasting at least five seconds."

"You're serious? That's really working?"

She laughs. "She told me she'd rather I let Jasper beat her. Then she said that sounded kinda kinky. So it's the hugs, or we take her back to her mother's." I catch the eye roll at the mention of Cipriana. "She agreed to the deal."

"If Yanna's in your suite, I'd like to go and see how my patient is doing." Carlisle looks at Alice as he joins us. "Well, maybe after I change clothes." He stands beside me, and his hand finds mine and our fingers lace together. "Maybe we should all gather in about an hour to discuss all the Volterra business. How about the council chamber, since it's big enough for everyone. I'd like Aro's children there as well, since I owe them my thanks. I want the whole council, plus Anton, Jasper and anyone else who thinks they have a reason to be there. Oh, and don't worry about the council colors – this isn't a regular meeting."

I hear the plate clatter into the sink before Felicia joins us. Alice hoists her up on her back again, making it look as if she's got two heads. For all her grumbling about hugs, she's got her arms around Alice's neck and her cheek pressed against hers as she pays rapt attention to the grown-ups. Carlisle kisses my cheek before he leaves, and I watch him go.

I head back into the kitchen to clean up, and the two-headed Alice follows me.

"So...?" She looks at me like I've got a secret to share. I turn to face her,

"He doesn't remember. Aurora transferred my memories to him, so he at least believes me. He's making an effort, but he's not there yet."

Felicia chimes in. "That's not how I see it. I could practically smell the sex when we came in. You two were about to bump uglies – or you just finished when we got here. Not that I blame you, he is _hot._" Alice's second head doesn't hold back.

Alice puts her down and looks at her sternly. "Felicia, if you don't get control of that mouth, I'm going to buy you a baby doll, and make you play with it!" The girl looks horrified.

"Damn, you've got a stick up your ass!" Alice looks suitably shocked, then she stoops down for her hug. Felicia dutifully wraps her arms around her neck. I catch her wink over Alice's shoulder. When Alice goes to kiss her cheek, Felicia instead licks Alice's face from chin to brow, like a dog. "Puppy kisses!" She wiggles out of Alice's stunned grip and bounces into the chair.

I try not to laugh as Alice stands, wiping her face. "It's Barbie _and _the Dream House for you, young lady!" She points at a smug Felicia, who wags her tongue at her. Then I _do _laugh.

"I'd rather have Ken than Barbie. Doctor Ken Cullen... Mmm. We already know he makes house calls." Seeing such a suggestive look on such a young face is just _wrong_.

"Where in the world did you find this chick, and can you send her back?" Alice is partly serious, and partly teasing.

"No! You can't send me back – you promised!" She's out of the chair and facing me, hands on hips and face twisted in anger and defiance.

I drop to my knees in front of her. "I won't send you back." I look her in the eyes until she calms down. "I'll keep my promise. But you've got to do your part too. You're barely five as hybrids go, and yet you're trying to act like you're fifteen. It's not working. You're a very smart girl, and I understand you can take care of yourself. But the mouthiness is annoying." I smile tightly as she looks at me defiantly. "I'm pretty sure you intend it to be annoying. You're so smart most adults probably don't know how to handle you. But you might try listening a little more." Her small nod is her only indication that she's listening.

I stand, and Alice is gazing off in the distance. I recognize the look , and when she snaps out of it she faces me looking stunned. Her whisper takes us all by surprise.

"She's going to rule Volterra some day." She looks down at the little face of the prostitute's daughter. "Don't let it go to your head."

"Cool!" Felicia smiles like she's just discovered she's having ice cream for dessert.

I have enough time to shower and change before our gathering. Alice and Felicia leave me to get ready themselves. When we get to the council chamber the council is all there, but Cipriana. Carlisle follows a few minutes later, pushing Yanna in her chair. She's got a clean dressing on her head, and it looks more like a large headband than a hat. I hope it means that she's healing. The table is gone, and extra chairs have been moved in.

He waves me over, and I move through the small crowd to his side. "She's doing much better. Her incision is almost healed already, and the bone is knitting together as well. She's been using her walker when she's in the bathroom, and her left hand is regaining some of it's strength. It's very encouraging." He looks at me with an intensity that has nothing to do with Yanna. He takes my hand, and when Alice steps in it gets quiet. We close the door.

"I'm glad you could all make it." Alice is so small, and yet she handles authority well. "This is an unofficial council meeting. But it's more important than anything we've done so far. I'm sure by now everyone knows what happened, but for those of you who don't put stock in the rumor mill, I'll give you a brief update, I had an affair with Aro." I can hear the indrawn breaths, and the fidgeting. Jasper moves to her side and takes her hand. "I'm not going to go into the reasons here and now, but he didn't trick me or coerce me. When my husband found out, he arranged a bit of revenge." She stops talking, and Jasper takes up the account.

"Arianna, I humbly apologize for using you to get to your father." He looks at the beautiful girl standing near Yanna, and holding her hand. "I manipulated your emotions until you believed it was your young boyfriend who came to you that day. He is blameless, and I am in your debt. Of course we did not have relations – I love my wife and I could never do that. But I drank your blood, and I'm told I gave you nightmares. Again, I am sorry."

Alice continues. "We tried to cover it up and hide it from Aro. I was afraid he would kill Jasper if he knew. Carlisle lied and Bella blocked her memory with her shield. It worked long enough for Jasper to escape. Then Aro found out we'd deceived him. He's been angry with us all since then. When Jasper challenged Aro to a duel, it was the only way we could allow everyone to save face. The law would demand Jasper's life for in a sense attacking the family of a council member. We all saw what happened, and most of you are in the dark as to why Aro seems to have lost it."

"We've been gathering information, and we've come up with some ideas that might shed some light on a few mysteries we've uncovered. We owe this to Bella and Yanna's hybrid database. We've already been able to match several hybrids with information on their mothers and their extended families. But there have been some mysteries as well. There are some missing hybrids, and a couple missing vampires as well."

Yanna speaks up. "I've grown up in Volterra. I'm the daughter of Caius, and I always treated Athenodora as my mother. But my birth mother was an art student named Yanna, who was kidnapped and raped." She continues nonplussed. "It's how most of us came to be, and I'm the oldest Volterra hybrid – or so I thought. I was born before Joham came to Volterra, but after Renesmee Cullen was born. The leaders figured that Volterra should have it's own hybrid, but I wasn't alone. Aro and Marcus both fathered children." I again hear a collective gasp.

"You would think I'd know this. You'd think we would remember. But this is a secret that's been kept by quite a few, unknowingly." She smiles. "At first we thought Joham manipulated our memories. Maybe he could do what Jasper did with Arianna and just suggest we forget. But those of us who knew these hybrids are getting our memories back a little at a time."

Alice takes over her story. "I've been on the phone most of the day. I've found eight Volturi runaways." She has to stop as the noise is too loud to talk over.

"Did you know about this, Bella?" Carlisle looks at me.

"I knew there were some missing people, but I didn't know she'd found them," I whisper.

"Please, let me finish." The room quiets as she talks. "Through the database, we received a lot of anonymous information, and I believe Aro was one of our biggest contributors. He was clearly beginning to remember those who went missing. I've been in to talk to him, and with the help of his son Armando, I've discovered some startling information." Armando slouches against a wall, looking pleased to be mentioned.

"Marcus abducted Tamara, and together they had Marietta. Marcus changed his captive, and created a vampire. Then Aro abducted a mental patient named Rachele. She gave birth to a son named Angelo, and she was also changed. Rachele and her son both have powerful gifts. She can become practically invisible, and he can manipulate thoughts or erase memories. Caius had abducted Yanna, but she didn't conceive easily, so his daughter was born several months later. He chose not to save her mother." Alice looks saddened at this piece of old news.

"These matings and hybrids were kept secret from most of the Volturi. The three of them were likely going to rule against the creation of hybrids, and they didn't want it known that they'd made their own. When Joham came and took over, these hybrids were about eight years old as hybrids go. Dora alone was known to exist.

Joham of course found out about the others. He put on an elaborate show, where he convinced Marcus and Aro that he'd destroyed the children and their mothers because of their secret. He really did attack them, and he tore them up, but he didn't burn their pieces, and he used his own daughter Colette to heal them."

"Dear god!" Carlisle gasps. "She would have experienced all that pain." Alice nods his way.

"Joham kept a whole group of people locked up in the tunnels under the city. He used them for his personal experiments." Alice looks at us as she tells the news. "One of his captives was Gemma. She was the daughter of one of the Guard. He had a gift Joham needed, but he wouldn't comply, so Joham took her to force him to use his ability. He's the one who created the thermite disks.

I try not to think about the destruction of those disks. "How do you know all this, Alice?" I'm getting impatient for the whole story.

"I've spoken with one of the runaways. Angelo, Aro's first son is alive." Everyone turns to stare at his children, but they're not surprised, she's obviously shared this with them. I'm standing next to Carlisle who obviously doesn't know. Alice looks our way. "I'm sorry. I would have shared it sooner, but you've had a lot to deal with yourselves." The room quiets again.

"The prisoners were held for years. Some grew up in captivity. Most of them were already presumed dead, and Joham did as he pleased with them." Yanna whimpers and clings to Arianna's hand. "We've found Gemma's father, and he's had his memory manipulated to forget her. But his memories are coming back.

Gemma gave birth three times while she was a captive. The first was Joham's daughter, Carolina and the second was Angelo's son, Christiano. The third child didn't survive." Alice pauses, and I can tell the news is going to be bad.

"Joham had somehow found one of the rare werewolves; one of the true children of the moon. Gemma was locked in with him for a full cycle. She was battered, bitten, and raped. Her hybrid resilience kept her alive, and Colette helped heal her. What she gave birth to broke her spirit." I'm reminded of the timid woman I'd met. "Angelo took the memories from her head so she would stop trying to kill herself." The group is quiet.

"Joham had his own son locked up. Nahuel and Huilen were imprisoned for the crime of refusing to lure Nessie to Volterra. Tamara planned their escape. Joham was getting bolder with his experiments, and he had two other hybrids he wanted to breed with the werewolf. He was keeping the three daughters of the Volturi leaders. He was planning to impregnate all three in hopes of connecting himself by blood to the triumvirate." Yanna is horrified, and I see Carlisle take her hand.

"Tamara was smart, and she put together an elaborate escape plan. Angelo removed them from the memories of anyone who knew of them. His mother hid them so they could move outside the tunnels. It was during the full moon when Tamara released the werewolf. In the chaos that followed, eight of them escaped. Huilen was too weak and hungry to go, and Nahuel wouldn't abandon her. Gemma stayed behind with them."

"Did they make it away safely? Where did they go?" Carlisle 's voice carries in the room. Everyone turns to look at him, probably wondering why he doesn't know all this already.

"They all made it away safely. They've been hiding in plain sight in Romania." She grins. "Marcus had shared with Tamara that they had enemies in Romania who'd killed his wife. She took the group there. Vladmir and Stefan hid them up until the war. It's the whole reason they went after Joham during the battle – they knew how dangerous he was."

"It would have been nice if they'd shared the information with the rest of us!" Carlisle sounds disgusted.

"They were afraid to give away the secrets of the group they were hiding. They didn't expect the war to be so fierce. If Aro survived, he could read the information from anyone who knew. Their main goal was to make sure Joham fell." She softens her voice. "They were protecting their wives. Vladmir married Tamara, and Stefan married Rachele. They're both widows now."

"Alice, what does all this have to do with Aro losing his mind?" I want to hear all the details, but we've got a whole group here who may not care.

"It's the memories Angelo blocked. He wanted to erase himself from Aro's mind, even though he believed he was dead. He erased them all from Joham's memory, and he didn't want Aro to remind him. For everyone who knew them, these eight ceased to exist. For most minds, Angelo simply removes the memory. But Aro is different because of his mind reading. His brain is like a computer server, and he's got the memories of thousands of people stored on his hard drive. Angelo did remove them, but Aro also had their memories as well as his own." She was losing me, and I wasn't alone.

She sighs. "Imagine a tall pyramid of ...tomatoes like you find in the market. The base is wide, and each row gets smaller until there's one at the top. For most people, Angelo extracts a memory like picking up the tomato on top. But Aro's tomatoes are all wedged in tight, and the pyramid is huge. Angelo extracted the memories, but they weren't easy to pluck. The whole pyramid shifted and a lot of memories were bruised or crushed."

I'm only partly following her, but now I wish I could still enjoy tomatoes. "It's like Angelo damaged Aro's hard drive when took out all the memories of the eight runaways. He's been compensating, but he's got some corrupted files. Somehow bits of Joham's file have been placed in Carlisle's folder. But to make things really complicated, Angelo's stolen memories don't stay gone forever. Imagine trying to put those tomatoes back into the pyramid. When Aro started to remember, it messed with his whole outlook. It's in the way his mind works. It's as if the file for Angelo popped open, and he's remembering Volterra past as well as present. He's somehow cast Carlisle as Joham – the memories are overlapping in his subconscious."

"And what does that make me?" I'm trying to follow her logic, but he looked at me and called me Isabella.

"You were his captive, Rachele. He tried to convince her to love him, but she had suffered brain damage as a human, and mentally she never grew up. It took her about eight full years to fully mature. She didn't have much use for him beyond a friend and a teacher." Alice looks confused herself.

Jasper speaks up. "I know a bit about how the mind works. But not so much about _his _mind. He's gone through some kind of dissociation. He knows everyone, but he's merged you with the past. He see's Carlisle, and knows Carlisle, but his emotions are of both Joham _and _Carlisle. He knows and sees Bella, but she's sharing a space with Rachele. He doesn't realize he's doing it, and it's all on an emotional level. When he attacked Carlisle, he wasn't trying to kill Carlisle, but Joham.

"I learned the hard way you can't manipulate the mind without consequences. When I did it to Arianna, she had nightmares. When Angelo removed his memory from his father's mind, it set a trap that's been triggered by the fight with Carlisle."

Leonora speaks up. "I assume we're not all here to listen to this tragic tale, so much as to decide what to do about a leader who can't be trusted to lead. It's obvious to me that we cannot leave him in a position of power."

"You're right as usual, Leonora." Alice speaks reverently. "We have several changes we want to propose to the council in the light of all that's happened in the past few weeks. I'm very proud of all we've accomplished with this council, but I'm afraid the way it stands now, it's inadequate to handle the kind of events that tend to happen to the supernatural."

"I hope you're not proposing we go back to the old ways." Reese sounds like he's about to get angry.

"No. The council works better than the three. We've done a lot of good, and I think it's vital that we have everyone represented." She passes out a two page print-out. "These are the changes I propose. I'd like you to think about them before you question or object. I've had a lot of help drafting this, and I've done it with the idea that I'm not going to be in charge forever." She smiles brightly. "In fact I'm naming my successor tonight." Jasper kisses her cheek, and she turns and kisses his mouth in a very public display.

I look over the sheets and grin. Nothing is fleshed out entirely, but they're all suggestions to improve the council. I especially like her new choice to lead the council. Felicia pulls the pages from my hands and glances at the name.

"Nope, not me... not yet anyway. But it's cool we're going to have our first hybrid leader." Alice invites her nomination to come and stand with her.

"I have a lot of reasons to get back home. One of the proposals you have there is the remote council. You'd like to get back to Alaska, wouldn't you Reese?" She smiles and he nods. "With the remote council, we can do everything we've done so far, but from our own homes. It means I'll be able to give the council one more month and help get the new chair up to speed. Does anyone want to second my nomination?"

"I'll second." Carlisle raises his hand.

"We could go through all the campaign craziness, but I'd like to know right now, how many would agree to have Aurora lead?" I almost forgot I had a vote. I raise my hand, and she's got all of us in her favor. "I think you've made the best choice. Aurora will be perfect to lead us from the old and into the new."

The meeting lasts well into the night, and we all have our say in what the leadership of the supernatural world will look like. The governing body will rely on modern technology more than traditions and laws. Because the numbers of supernaturals is small, it's possible for each and every one of us to have our voices and votes heard. The council will represent and decide, but we can all have our say, like a town hall meeting over miles of wires and cables. It's what Carlisle was working toward from the beginning.

It's Leonora who breaks up the meeting, with her need to sleep. I hang back, waiting for the room to clear, and it's just our family left behind. Yanna stays, and so does Felicia. The little girl climbs onto Jasper's lap without a single rude comment. In minutes she's asleep as he holds her.

"Now I've seen it all." Alice whispers.

"What are we going to do with Aro?" I'm still not sure it's safe to set him free. I certainly don't want to find myself back under his control.

"We can leave." Carlisle 's quiet words fall like stones in the room. "I don't mean to abandon Volterra, but we might be able to do more good away from here. Let's put this council firmly into Aurora's hands, and spread the word that the council is remote now. Once we're gone, Aro can be set free. He won't have any power, but maybe it will be enough that his daughter is in charge."

"His son wants to see him again." Alice speaks softly so as not to disturb Felicia. "He remembers a father who loved him and tried to protect him. He also wants to meet his siblings. He has a son himself, and he wants Aro to know him."

"Gemma's children." Carlisle shakes his head. "That's going to be a mess. He probably took Colette's memories as well, or I'm sure she would have said something. It seems Aro has sired some pretty powerful children."

"It's the whole reason Joham compelled him to have three." Alice looks disgusted. "It probably would have been more, but if he compels someone, they can't use their gifts. He couldn't charm Aro and still have access to his mind reading. He held Arianna to guarantee his obedience."

"It's no wonder his mind is so messed up." Carlisle shakes his head. "I guess we finally have something in common." I put my arms around him and hold him. I don't want him to think he has anything in common with Aro, even joking.

"Are you serious about going home?" I look at him.

"I think we should." He looks around at each of us. "It looks like we 're all drained. His eyes focus on Yanna. "I'm sure I missed something somewhere. Are you a part of the family now?" He smiles his approval.

For a moment she looks as if she's about to cry. He's forgotten her too. "If that's okay... I want to be where Bella is." He nods.

"I can understand that. I"m sure we have plenty of room for you. And what about this little one?" He indicates the child sleeping on Jasper's lap.

"She wants to go with us when we leave. She's Cipriana's daughter, and she's practically raising herself. Her father is still mourning his wife, and he doesn't want anything to do with her."

"We can't take her with us, Bella." He sounds like he's talking to a child who wants to adopt a puppy.

"I promised her I would." I meet his eyes. "If she hadn't helped us, you would still be in the altar. I owe her, but more than that, I don't like what her life looks like if I break my promise."

"Bella, you can't just take a child from her parents..."

"Don't tell me what I can't do!" I glare at him. "I'm not a child, and I'm certainly not _your _child. Whatever it takes, I'm keeping my promise." He doesn't say anything, but turns and leaves. We sit in uncomfortable silence, and Jasper stands.

"I think I need to put her down so she can rest a little easier. I'm too cold for her to be comfortable." The way she snuggles against him tells a different story.

"I'm going to go to bed myself. Don't worry about me, Bella." Yanna pats my hand. I kiss her cheek and rush from the room. I catch up to him at the end of the hall.

"Don't you have anything to say?" He stops and turns my way.

"What do you want me to say, Bella? I don't want to fight with you. You're right, I'm not your father."

"Then what are you?" I know what answer I'm looking for, but he doesn't say it. He sighs and shakes his head.

"I'm confused. I'm trying to absorb everything that's happening around me. I'm trying to make sense out of what doesn't make sense. I'm trying to decide what's best for our family, and I'm trying to be a good man. I feel like I'm failing at everything."

"You're not failing." I look up at him, and he looks tired, even though we don't get tired. "You're the best there is and I'm sorry I snapped at you. Will you hold me?" He opens his arms, and I step into them and we hold each other. "I love you." I whisper the words, wanting so much to hear them returned.

"I don't know why. Bella, Esme was the strong one. She's the one who would know how to handle all this mess. She's the one who would figure out how to help that little girl. She's the one who could help Gemma deal with finding out about her two children. And she never would have forgotten being in love. You've got too much confidence in me. I don't know how to make sense of it all." I feel his muscles tense and I know he would be pacing if I wasn't holding him.

I hold him tighter. "Let me help. What good is it to be a couple, if you have to handle everything on your own. I'm here for you. It's only fair, since you've done so much to help me." I dare to look up at his troubled eyes. "You don't think you've got it in you, but I _know _you do. You're a good man, Carlisle."

"If I'm so good, then tell me why I feel like running away? I mean it, I could just leave this whole mess and just – disappear." His words give me a sick feeling in my heart. But I know he won't run.

"That sounds like a good plan – once we get through this." I smile. "I know you're not going to run away. You've done that before, and it just takes you away from the life you love."

"I don't think you know how great the temptation is..."

"Then what's keeping you?"

His eyes meet mine with an intensity I've not seen since he awoke. "Right this minute, it's you." He licks his lips. "I don't know why." His mouth turns up in a timid smile. "Do you want to come with me?"

_Yes!_ My mind screams. I do want to run off with him, and keep him all to myself. But I remember how he lost his first family by running. Maybe his supernatural family would still be there when we finally came back, but he wouldn't be a man he could face in the mirror. It hits me that part of the reason I love him so much, is because he's not just _my _Carlisle. He's a man who is invested in living the eternal life he has. He doesn't withdraw, he's not detached, and he doesn't run the other way when things get hard.

"Will you kiss me?" I might still have to ask, but his kiss is real. His hands furrow in my hair, his mouth devours mine, and his tongue boldly meets my own. I pull his body tight against me and show him love. I slide my hand over his behind, and he pulls back. He gazes down at me gasping for air he doesn't need.

"Bella..." I love the hungry look on his face. I want so much to take him to my room and finish what we started before Alice interrupted. I know he would make love with me if I asked.

I look up at him and sigh. "I want to take you back to my room, and remind you of one of the things you love about me." He looks like he wants that too. "But... we've got a lot to do before we can leave Volterra and go back home."

"Why do you care about Volterra?" He looks confused again.

"Because _you _care about Volterra. You made me care. I care about all the hybrids who have no one on their side. I care about the grieving vampires, I care about the humans who have to live next door to killers, and I care about _our _family. Whether we're ready or not, they're looking to us to give them a secure place to call home. If Volterra isn't secure, then home isn't secure – we learned that through the war."

"You sound like you've got all the answers," he scoffs.

"They're your answers, Carlisle." I take his hands in mine and look up at him. "Okay Doctor Cullen; you have a patient who's recovering from a serious brain injury. He just wants to be left alone, and he's doubting he will ever get better. Do you let him wallow in his pity party, or do you pull him up and make him do the hard work?"

"So now I'm the patient?" He raises his eyebrow.

"Maybe. But you're also the doctor who wouldn't let Volterra self destruct, you wouldn't let Colette follow in her father's footsteps, you wouldn't leave Nahuel and his family with no home, you wouldn't let Yanna stay wheelchair bound, and you wouldn't let me waste away on the island."

"You don't get it, Bella. It's been two years, and it's still screwed up! We're no closer to a solution than we were the day we got here. It's been a huge waste of effort – the patient is terminal." He lets go of me and begins to pace.

"You're wrong." I catch hold of him again. I turn his chin so he has to face me. "Without all you've done, war would have broken out between humans and the supernatural. You've become a champion of the hybrids. You've saved lives that would have been lost." He looks away from me in denial.

I turn his face to mine again. "Carlisle, you matter. You make a difference. You're not a good man, you're a _great _man. Sure we've had some set-backs, but that doesn't mean it's all been for nothing. We've been operating on a flawed premise."

"And what's that?" He looks so skeptical.

I smile. "We've been trying to behave as if something of the old Volterra was worthy of being saved. The old laws need to be scrapped. They don't work for the modern world. They don't work in a cooperative environment. And you've been trying to appease too many people. Aurora won't make that mistake."

He looks suddenly interested. "What makes you so sure?"

"She's been in my head, remember? I didn't block any thoughts, and she saw some of my ideas. She agrees with me; things need to change."

He steps away from me and leans against the wall. With a loud sigh he slides down to the floor. "It doesn't matter." He looks up at me. "How much can they expect me to give? My memory is gone, Bella. It's like the love has been erased from my heart. I know it should be there... but I can't find it. It's like it's hiding, just out of my reach. I can _feel _it, but I can't see it. I can sense it's there, but I can't hear it. I see it reflected in everything around me, but I can't take hold of it!"

I sit on the floor with him – not beside him, but facing him where his knees are drawn up. I bite my lip as I put his legs over mine and slide in close to him. I put my arms around his neck and rest my forehead against his.

I smile as he watches me. "When I was a kid, back in Phoenix, we used to have these tall swings on the playground. The playground was covered in wood chips about a foot deep, since someone thought that they would protect us if we fell off the equipment." He smiles weakly at my story. "What they really did was give us a lot of splinters, but we had swings when other playgrounds took them out for safety. We would get really creative on those swings. One kid would sit and another would face him or her, and sit on their lap, with their legs on the other side like a mutated spider. I had a friend who was really good at this. So we'd be holding on, with our legs pointing opposite directions, and our bodies both centered on the swing."

"That sounds a little dangerous to me." He was absorbed in my story.

"Oh, that wasn't all we did." I smile at the memory. "A third person would spin us, until the chains were twisted as tight as they could go. Then this person would pull us back as far as they could, and then push us hard. The swing would release, and we'd spin and swing, and laugh like crazy for the wildest ride on the playground. "

"Did they ever have to take you to the emergency room after that?" His smile quirks up.

"Nope. I never fell, and I never got a single splinter even." I meet his eyes. "It always worked, because with the two of us holding on so tight, even though we were going different directions, we were too strong to knock down." I lay my hand on his cheek. "You're not alone, Carlisle, just don't let go."

With a strangled sound he clutches me to him and holds me tight with his head on my shoulder. I don't say a word, but rub his back, smooth his hair, and hold him close. He moans against me, and I know he would be crying if he could. We sit there for a while as he expends his grief.

When he's calm, he begins to touch me like like I've been touching him. His hands sift through my hair, and he rubs my back. He lifts his head from my shoulder and just looks at me. We stare at each other, and then he kisses me without asking. Soft and gentle deepens to a kiss that joins us like we were made to be together. His hands tear through my hair and I feast on his sweet mouth.

He kisses my cheek, and pulls me even closer, guiding my head to his shoulder as he nests his chin in the crook of my neck. He holds me still, and I hear his rapid breathing.

"I love you, Bella." His words are whispered close to my ear. He pulls back and looks me in the eyes. "I love you – I do." His mouth drops open in wonder and he hugs me again. "I need you Bella, don't ever let go!" I hold him tight, trying to smother the little voice that wants to know if he's _in _love with me.

We hug, we kiss, and he declares again and again that he loves me. I echo him, happy to hear the words, and desperate to feel them come to life. When he struggles to stand, we have to separate. We help each other up, and he smiles down at me.

"I want to make love with you – now!" He sounds desperate, and I want him more than ever, but I pull away.

"Not yet." He looks like he thinks I've changed my mind. "I want to, Carlisle – I _really _want to. But we've got something we need to do first." I take his hand, and start walking down the hall.

"I thought this is what you wanted, Bella. What's so important that it can't wait?"

"Let's just call it P.T."

"P.T.? Physical Therapy? Are you kidding?"

"Sort of... but it's about as much fun as P.T." I stop to explain. "I made a promise to that little girl, and I'm going to do all I can to honor it. I'm going to go talk to her father." He doesn't say a word as we head into the vampire residential area. I tap on the door to his room, and he answers.

We're invited inside, and I 'm stunned. It's a shrine to a beautiful raven haired woman. Her pictures are on every surface. Her clothes are on dress forms, and videos of her are playing on the TV. I explain that his daughter wants to go to Canada with us. He seems confused, like he doesn't even remember he has a daughter.

"Oh, you mean that little brat Cipriana keeps trying to say is mine? She's not. I've been faithful to Nerina since the first moment I set eyes on her. I would never fornicate with another woman – especially a common whore. The child is piteous enough, but you'll never convince me she's mine. Take her away, I don't want her." He waves his hand dismissively, and stares at the video playing. I'm about to leave, when Carlisle speaks up.

"Will you sign papers giving up your rights?"

"Sure... whatever." Carlisle asks him for a sheet of paper, and he comes up with one he tears from the front of a book. I watch as Carlisle writes out his agreement. I'm amazed as doctor's are supposed to have atrocious handwriting, not the beautiful flowing script that crosses the page under his hand. When he's finished, Felicia's father absently signs it. He doesn't dismiss us or see us to the door; he just ignores us as he strokes the sleeve of a black dress.

We walk down the hall as Carlisle neatly folds the paper. Then he stops and pulls me to him in a tight hug. "My god, that could have been me! How awful."

"That was me." He looks at me in shock. "For two years I existed just like that. You broke me out of that prison." He holds me gently.

"You don't have to be like that anymore. I'm not going to abandon you. I may not remember how it all started, but I know I love you." He laughs softly. "It would be foolish to turn my back on such a gift."

"You're not just giving in and accepting it, are you? I mean, do you really...?" His arms tighten and hold me close as he kisses me, cutting off any protest. He kisses me with a passion that takes my breath away, then turns and presses me against the wall. His full on assault makes me ache for him, and his arousal presses against me hard.

He tears his face from mine and looks down on me with a hunger I can't ignore. "I love you. If I didn't love you, I couldn't want you so much!" His voice rasps low against my ear, playing havoc with me. I want to hear that voice moaning against me in bliss.

"Am I to understand Yanna is in your room?" His question catches me off guard, and I realize we're still in a public hallway. He wants privacy.

"Yes." I can barely breathe, as he's still so close, with his hands gliding over my curves, and his body pressing against me.

"I don't have a bed in my room," he laments.

"So? We don't need a bed." His eyes fasten on mine in surprise, like I've just suggested we make love there in the public hallway, or maybe outside balanced on the wall.

"Naughty girl." His eyebrow and the corners of his mouth lift.

"Incorrigible too." My saucy grin answers him.

"Come on, beautiful." He leads the way in a rush that would have confounded human eyes. When we turn into the hallway of our rooms, we both see a sight that makes us groan. Aurora is sitting on the floor outside his door, obviously waiting for him. As soon as she sees us, she stands and hurries down the hall toward us.

"Oh thank god you're back!" I know she can't read me, so I take hold of her, hoping to give Carlisle a chance to direct his thoughts to something less indecent. "It's Papa – he's in a rage and I'm worried for him! Can you please go and...talk to him? He listens to you, and he only screams when I go anywhere near him –_ please_!"

She's clutching me, but she's looking to Carlisle. I couldn't care less about Aro at the moment, but Aurora has helped me a few times, and I don't want to turn my back on her. I look at him and he meets my eyes. I can feel the longing, as he glances toward his door. I see the disappointment on his face and I smile, just out of her sight.

"Let's go." His voice sounds so resigned.

**A/N: I'm sure a good editor would have a fit about the eleventh hour revelation concerning the runaways. It's making this story a wee bit longer, so I'm not sure how how many more Thursdays we'll be meeting. It's at least two. **

**Thanks so much for your patient and faithful following of this crazy tale.**


	34. Chapter 34 Madness

Chapter 34

Madness

She leads us to the execution chamber, where Aro is still in chains. She clings to me as we near the door, and we can hear his bellowing echoing off the walls.

"So if it isn't my traitorous offspring and my enemies! His sing-song voice reverberates with hatred.

"Good morning old friend." Carlisle steps away from us to stand close to the chained vampire.

"You're no friend of mine! You're a traitor and a usurper! You want what's mine and you've finally managed to take it. You should destroy me now. If I ever see freedom again, I will destroy you." His voice holds the menace of a promise.

"Just what is it you see as yours, Aro?" Carlisle's voice is a calm counterbalance to Aro's venomous raving.

"Volterra is mine!"

"I don't want Volterra!" Carlisle matches his volume. "Volterra is a crumbling husk of what it was in it's day. All that mattered of Volterra died at Denali. But even before then it was a shadow of it's former glory.. Volterra was lost when the Volturi were turned into a weapon to slay the innocent. I don't _want _it!"

"You've turned my people against me!" Aro's snarls and lunges the length of his chains, but Carlisle easily steps just out of his reach. "They mock me and follow in your footsteps. They openly disrespect me!"

"They're not your people." Carlisle's voice is soft. "They belong to no one. They've lived in fear long enough. Can you blame them for the way they behave, now that they no longer have to bow and scrape? If you want their respect, you need to _earn _it. If they follow in my footsteps, it's because I'm leading them away from war and into a peace they all want. These people are still grieving, Aro. They don't want to go back to the way things were."

Aro looks at Aurora, standing timidly beside me and holding my hand. "You've turned my own family against me." His anger is at a simmer, but even I can feel his hurt and betrayal. Aurora flinches.

"No Papa. We love you." She steps closer.

"Maybe you are still dutiful, but where are the others?"

"Ari and Mando are sleeping. It's early and they've been up all night."

"Likely plotting against me," he growls.

"Papa, we're not against you. We're worried for you, you're not behaving like yourself." She's clearly overwrought, with tears streaming down her face.

""How would you know how I should behave? You're barely ten minutes old. You shouldn't be worried for me, you should worry for yourselves. If I get free you'll all be sorry for your defiance!" His loud ranting makes her cry harder.

I can't take it. I step in close, and slap his face hard. "Stop it! That's your daughter you're threatening – you should be ashamed!" I don't bother to step back when he snarls and strains the chains. Instead I put a hand on his chest and push back. "She loves you, Aro, and you're being a fool. You don't threaten your own children, no matter what you think they've done."

"Oh if it isn't dear, sweet, Isabella here to tell me what I've done wrong." Sarcasm drips from his sneering face. "How about a kiss for old times sake?" He leans into me like he would kiss me, and I hold my ground and turn my head. "No? Too bad, your kisses are so sweet." He gloats over my shoulder at Carlisle. "Remind me to pick up where we left off when I'm free."

I'm so close, I can see the quick movements of his eyes. I know what he's doing. He's not ranting, he's deliberately trying to provoke us. I'm not sure if he thinks an attack will free him or end him, but I'm certain it's the reason behind his baiting.

"Are you trying to get yourself killed?" I meet his eyes.

"No one here has enough spine to kill me." He sneers. "Pacifist is just another word for coward." His eyes dart to Carlisle before meeting mine again. He's not trying to provoke _us, _he's trying to provoke _him_. "I should have laid you when I had the chance." Again his eyes flick to Carlisle so fast it would easily be missed.

"Why do you want him to attack you?"

"No one's going to attack me. _ I'm help-less_." He laughs and rattles the chains. "Tell me Isabella, do you know how we made chains to hold our kind? It's quite the story. Just like the weapons for the duel, it required what we call vampire dust. That's just a nice way of saying it's the ashes of vampires we've burned." It sickens me the casual way he speaks of death.

"We took a lot of this vampire dust to the blacksmith, and mixed it in with the hot iron to create the chains and the manacles. It's tougher than steel, and very difficult to come by. It takes a _lot _of vampire dust. But then again, burned vampires are practically free. Isn't that right, Carlisle?" He rattles his chains again. "I'd even bet there's a little bit of Gabriella in these chains." He smirks.

"Come on Bella, we've heard enough of this." Carlisle takes my hand.

"What's the matter, Carlisle? Didn't you tell your little bed partner about your_ first _slut?" I feel him tense, and his mouth draws into a thin line. We take two steps away, and Aro laughs. "I wonder how many of us had a piece of her before she got to you? You know she was created to be a plaything, right? Maybe her sire tired of her when she didn't sing as loudly in bed as she did on the stage." He makes a suggestive motion with his hips. "I did you a favor having her executed! She was nothing but a common whore, and you were just too stupid to..."

He lunges for him. I've never seen Carlisle truly lose his temper before. I hope never to see it again. His face is twisted in fury, and he snarls with the savagery of feeding wolves. He's reaching for Aro's throat as Aurora's screams pierce the air. I know he's seconds from tearing Aro to shreds, and I'm deadly certain he won't let him mend afterward. I see the look of hatred and feel his spittle hit my face as he rages. I'm the only thing standing between Aro and certain death.

I'm the one who has to resist his attack, and push back as he strains forward. "No Carlisle! It's what he wants, don't give in to him!" He's strong. It's all I can do to keep him from reaching Aro as he fights to go around me – or through me.

Aro isn't helping, as he continues to taunt him. "Don't worry, I never bedded her. She wasn't good enough for me. I don't know about Caius and Marcus, maybe they had a go on her." He laughs mockingly. "She can't tell any tales now, can she?"

Carlisle doesn't even realize I'm there as he pushes and struggles to get to him. "Stop, Carlisle. Please!" I beg. I'm not strong enough to push him away, I'm barely keeping between the two of them.

"Papa please don't do this!" I hear Aurora wailing

"Aurora, get help – hurry!" I don't have a chance to see if she goes as Carlisle lunges again.

"You've certainly tried them all; from a blond to a red head, and now a brunette. I really wish I'd been introduced to the lovely Esme, since I really like red-heads. I'm sure I could have persuaded her to spread her legs for me... let her know what it's like to be with a _real _man."

Carlisle again tries to reach him, but I can see he's starting to calm down. Aro doesn't realize what I know without a doubt. Carlisle isn't upset by the insults to his manhood, or even the sexual innuendos. It's that they're dead, and that Aro is bragging about the part he played in it.

"Carlisle... baby he's not worth it. This isn't who you are. Please, let's just go." He looks at me blankly, then his eyes focus on me. He stops struggling. "Thank god! Come on Carlisle, don't let him get to you. He's trying to make you attack him. I don't know if he's got a death wish, or some kind of underhanded plan, but you're better than this."

"Good job Isabella. Distract the good doctor so he doesn't get dirt on his hands." I'm able to pull Carlisle away from him. "Did you tell him how close I came to bedding you? You look so good naked, except your breasts are too small." I'm not sure who he's trying to taunt, me or Carlisle, but I don't look back. "You would have let me. I know you would have liked it – just like when we kissed." I feel Carlisle flinch at the comment, but I'm able to lead him from the room.

In the hallway we see Aurora returning with several of the Guard members.

I warn them. "Be careful in there. He's looking for someone to attack him, and I don't know why. Maybe he hopes to escape that way, or maybe he's trying to end his existence. Who knows, maybe he's really gone nuts."

We run into Jasper as we round the corner. Carlisle reaches out to him. "Don't go in there, son. He knows too much about your wife. If you go in there, you'll attack him for sure."

"My god, what happened to you two?" I don't know what he's talking about, but Carlisle looks ashamed.

"I tried to kill Aro, and Bella got in the way." I take inventory, and realize my blouse is torn in several places, as is his shirt. His hair is on his forehead, and there are scratches slowly closing on his arms.

"You attacked Aro? I don't believe it." He looks at us both with his brows drawn together. "I think we need to make plans to leave here as soon as we can. This place is making us all crazy."

"I think you're right." Carlisle agrees. "Yanna is well enough to travel, and I'm ready to get the hell out of here." I'm a little surprised at his language. "Let's talk about it tomorrow morning." He puts his arm around me to lead me away.

"Wait a minute..." I hate to derail his plans. "...I'm going back in to talk to Aro." Both men stare at me. Carlisle steps away from Jasper and takes me aside.

He lowers his voice. "Bella, why do you want to talk to him?" He looks at me suspiciously. "Is it because you kissed him?" He has no memory of me telling him about that.

"We've already discussed that, as well as you kissing Colette." I hate feeling so defensive, and I try to calm down. With a sigh, I put my arms around his neck. "I love you. We can go over all these talks again if you like. I don't owe Aro a thing. But his children are going to need him. If he taunts one of the Guard like he did you, they could all become orphans."

"I don't trust him! What if he tries something with you?" He looks concerned.

"I don't trust him either. I'll be careful, and he is chained up." I smile and kiss him lightly. "He can't read me. He doesn't have any leverage with me."

"I'll wait for you here; don't take too long." Before I head back into the lions den, I kiss him long and slow and deep. His fingers have slipped into one of the holes in my blouse to caress my arm. I don't want to walk away, but I need to avert disaster.

The Guard looks tense as Aro lobs one taunt after another at them, like an archer trying to get a read on their position so he can cut loose a killing volley. Aurora stands almost hidden in a corner. She's still crying, and she looks terrible.

I pull a bench over and sit near Aro. He watches me warily. "Back so soon, Isabella? I would have expected you would be hiding away, fornicating with the _good _doctor."

"We have plenty of time for that." I don't even bother to smile like I"m joking. "Why are you trying to get yourself killed?"

"What makes you think I' would do that?" A lot of the fight seems to have gone out of him.

"I've never seen anyone who could provoke Carlisle. Only someone who's been privy to his thoughts could tear through his restraint the way you did. You know as well as I do that if that control ever slips completely, he could look like a true Jekyll and Hyde. Why would you try to turn him into a killer?"

He laughs bitterly. "We're all killers, Bella. Why should he get to live with a clean conscience while the rest of us have to live with our mistakes?"

"What mistakes are you talking about? What's bad enough to make you try to end your life after over a thousand years?"

"What is this? Do you want to compare notes? Are you trying to see which of us has more cause to end ourselves? You have no idea how bad it can get! You wanted to end yourself over one death. I have so much blood on my hands I will never be clean again." The way his eyes dart away is telling. He's really an open book to anyone who would care to read.

"You're not talking about all the deaths on your hands, are you? You're talking about someone particular." I stand up. "Who's death haunts you, Aro? Who's death has you so torn up you'd kill yourself to avoid facing it?" His eyes shift to Aurora and back.

"Leave me! Go find your doctor and leave me in peace." I turn to his daughter and ask her to give me some time with him. I also ask the guards to wait outside.

"Why do you want to end it, Aro?" My voice is soft so it won't carry.

"Kiss me and I'll tell you." Even in chains he's still able to irritate me.

"You know better than to ask."

"Touch me, then. If you won't kiss me, then touch me... let me feel the bliss of your mind."

"You'll tell me then?"

"You'll have to see, won't you?"

I don't trust him, but so much of Volterra rides on his shoulders. In this state he's dangerous, and he could be dangerous for a very long time if something isn't done. I reach up and touch his face.

"Ahh... such bliss." He closes his eyes and turns his cheek to rub against my palm like a cat. I go one better, and wrap my shield around him like a bubble so he can't even hear Aurora's thoughts. He sighs in contentment. "I was afraid you'd lost your shield... what I wouldn't give to have this always." His eyes open and meet mine. "I am sorry. I will never forget the depths of my depravity, but I hope some day you will."

"You still haven't answered my question."

"Say you'll forgive me, and I'll tell you." I'm about to pull away. "Please! I need to feel absolution for at least one thing I've done. I'll tell you, if you forgive me for what I did to you." I look into his eyes to see what kind of game he's playing. All I can see is a deep well of sadness looking back at me.

"I can't... not yet anyway. I won't lie, no matter how much I want the answer."

"I wish you could have loved me. Your honesty is... more unusual than you know."

"You have your children. They love you." I want to point out something good he has in his life.

He makes a noise that sounds like he's drowning. I can only think of it as raw pain. "My children...?" He looks at me completely horrified. "Bella, I killed my own son!" He collapses in the chains, and only the manacles hold him up. I don't have any idea what he's talking about, and he's started a piteous moaning that hurts just to hear it.

"Aro, I've seen your son just this evening. Armando is fine."

"Armando is my second son. My first is dead because of me!" He doesn't look up, and it finally clicks what he's talking about. I'm about to tell him he's wrong when he launches into a story too fascinating to miss.

"We were fools to attempt it. Dora... _Yanna_ wasn't the first, she was the third. Marcus impregnated a young woman and became a father to a girl he named Marietta. I followed with a son..." He looks up at me with tortured eyes. "...a beautiful baby boy with the face of an angel. He _loved _me Bella." His face is horribly twisted in his agony. "We changed their mothers – Marcus and I. Our children captivated us. Marcus was truly happy for the first time in... centuries. I was overjoyed with my son. Athenodora raised Yanna while Caius went searching for Joham.

He's quiet for a long time. I feel like I should tell him the truth about his son, but there's a part of me that wants him to suffer. I will tell him, just not now. "I would give anything to be able to go back and talk him out of looking for that man. We didn't know! Dear God we had no idea what it would cost us!"

He meets my eyes. "You want to hear how I killed him, don't you. How could I do anything but; I am the dark fiend, am I not?" A smile twists his lips. "Your Edward always thought himself a monster." He snorts in derision. "He had no idea what a true creature of the dark looks like. It wears my face. How in the deepest pits of Hell did I forget him? He was my joy, and I forgot him! He was my forgiveness and grace, given by God himself, and I was his destruction. How could I ever forget? I remember now, and I wish I could forget!"

He stands and his voice lowers. "Our children were the equivalent of six when Joham came to Volterra. We'd been hiding them from most of the Volturi. Dora had the run of the whole complex, but the rest of them stayed hidden. When Joham came, we thought nothing of continuing this course."

He shakes his head in despair. "Joham came as a wolf in sheep's clothing. At first we thought we'd found a kindred spirit. He came with new life and enthusiasm. We welcomed him with open arms, and brought the Trojan Horse inside our walls. Caius couldn't praise him enough, and he eagerly introduced little Dora to his_ friend._

"We were all taken in by his charms, and before we knew it, he'd set himself up as a ruler alongside us. Every suggestion he made, we eagerly followed. We were not yet his puppets, but we were his adoring fans. He immediately began to require young woman, so they could be impregnated. He wanted every male to produce offspring, and he even tried to suggest that I do so as well.

"For quite some time, he didn't actually compel us. It was as if his power was still growing and he didn't want to force us. We simply felt friendly and agreeable to him. But I couldn't even think of doing to another woman what I'd done to Angelo's mother. Even more horrific was Joham's insistence that the mothers not be spared. I'd seen Yanna's death in the minds of Caius and Athenodora. Up until then I'd only known those who had been changed. Seeing the captive Yanna die in such a way... turned me against my old friend.

"Caius had always been particularly cold among us. His treatment of his captive went right along with Joham's thinking. But Joham didn't want _him _to sire another child; he already knew of Caius' secret ability, and he didn't want to take a chance he could breed his competition."

"It was maybe a year, two at best before he gained dominant control over us. There were already many new hybrids in Volterra, leaving behind many dead mothers. The more we saw of Joham's nature, the more Marcus and I were desperate to keep him from finding out about our first children. They were older, and we sent them with their mothers to stay outside the walls of Volterra.

"It was in trying to save them that we doomed them. It was Heidi who gave away our secret. Her gift was close enough to Johams's that she could resist his orders. The population of Volterra swelled, and she was required to bring back more prey. She refused. Joham raged that no one should defy him, especially not a mere _woman._ She laughed and told him _we _were defying him even as we claimed to be his loyal friends. To her credit she didn't tell him the nature of our defiance, even when he tore her to pieces. I was stunned when he fed her to the flames rather than allow her to mend.

"It was after Heidi's revelation that Joham turned his attention on both Marcus and me. He wanted to know what she was talking about – what manner of defiance we hid. It was in one of these moments of pressure that I revealed that I wouldn't sire a hybrid. It was an attempt to keep him from discovering our secret, but it also made him force us into mating with his chosen female captives."

I sit listening to his story, unable to interrupt or say anything. I know what Joham did, and I know what it lead to. But I never thought anyone really tried to resist him. I'd believed that the Volturi had gone along with him with no qualms. To hear that Aro had been forced to create his children is a shock. In a sense he was raped.

"My Aurora... she was born as her mother screamed in her death throes. I was not permitted to change her, nor was I permitted to drug her. She suffered almost an hour before she died. My daughter was as beautiful as her brother Angelo, but she remembers losing her mother. It's given her a sad outlook.

"Joham had no use or patience for infants, so I had her to myself for a time.. My wife, of all the women in Volterra, had no interest in caring for children. I had no idea she was bedding Joham, as she avoided my presence and my touch. Not that I would have cared if I had known.

"It was a simple slip. She told him that she didn't want anything to do with my kids. I would see this later in his mind as one more clue to the secrets we were keeping. Aurora was just a year old when Joham found what we were hiding from him. She'd only seen her older brother a couple times, and we had to tell her not to say anything. I still don't know how he discovered them."

He sags in his chains as he finishes this last part. He looks up at me with the most tortured eyes I've ever seen. "Joham was an evil sonofabitch. We thought we were the authority. We thought we held power. But it was nothing compared to his capacity for power and control.

"He summoned Marcus and me to the audience chamber." His voice drops to a whisper. "I was horrified when I saw he had them. Poor Rachele was on her knees in tears, with my son clutched in her arms. She's grown to be quite a devoted mother, and he loved her dearly. Tamara was trying to keep the Guard from separating her from Marietta.

"There was a trial, but for the life of me I still cannot remember with what crime we were charged. Marcus and I were found guilty. But because we were the so-called leaders, _they _would pay for our crimes!" He chokes in his tearless sobs. "I deserve death for what I allowed. I only wanted to protect them, and I signed their death warrants. We were both helpless to stop him. The Guard protected him and did everything he commanded. They had to hold us back, as we both would have risked death to save them.

"I didn't know what to expect. I had no idea if hybrids could be killed normally, or if they were like vampires. I was totally ignorant, but Joham knew." He stops and squeezes his eyes shut, as if to keep the images from his tortured mind.

"Both women were forced to watch what he did to their children. They were like eight year-olds in their development, and they were terrified when he snatched them from their mother's arms. It was all my fault! I shouldn't have hidden them. I shouldn't have left them so close. I shouldn't have left him get control of Volterra! Please Bella, destroy me – I cannot live with the memory!

"My Angelo looked to me to save him, and I could not. Joham took little Marietta first. She screamed when he bit her, and she struggled for all she was worth as he drank from her. Her struggles were nothing in comparison to Marcus. He was a man possessed, and it took most of the Guard to hold him. Joham finished her and snapped her neck before he dropped her to the floor." He's quiet and gasping for air as his mind looks back over the years.

"I can't! I can't tell it! My son... how could I have forgotten?" He looks terrible, with his face twisted in grief as he remembers. I can't take it anymore.

"He's not dead, Aro. They're alive – all of them."

"You lie! I saw it... I saw what he did to them! My god if I am even half the demon he was I'll go to the flames myself, I swear!"

"You saw what he wanted you to see. He didn't burn them, and he didn't completely drain them. He used his daughter to help them heal. He kept them in the tunnels below Volterra, and he tortured and experimented on them until they escaped."

"That's not possible! I _saw _their deaths." He argues with me, while his eyes search my face for hope that I'm telling the truth.

I put my hand on his face and whisper, "It's true." I drop my shield and think of all I've learned about the runaways from Alice. When it snaps back in place, he's staring at me slack-jawed. "They're alive. The Romanians hid them and protected them."

He goes from looking stunned in his disbelief, to throwing his head back and laughing insanely.

"Those decrepit, old leeches! All this time, and they had them hidden. If they were not already dead I'd kill them myself!"

"Aro, you and the rest of the Volturi were under Joham's control. They couldn't tell you."

"They married them... Stefan raised my son. He's really alive?" He looks at me as if he thinks I'm trying to play a trick on him.

"He's really alive. You also have a grandson." He laughs again, but it's more like a giggle than a laugh. "Does this mean you're finished?"

"What do you mean – finished?" He looks at me like _I'm _crazy.

"Are you finished trying to kill yourself?" I cross my arms and watch his rapidly changing personalities.

"Why would I kill myself? I have a grandson – I'm a _grandfather_!" He whoops loudly, and Aurora comes running in looking terrified. "Come here!" He rattles the chains as he looks her way. "Come give your papa a hug!"

She steps closer, like she's afraid he's going to self-destruct, even though he's wearing a huge grin. "Why didn't you tell me?" He questions his wary daughter. "You knew your brother was alive... why didn't you tell me?"

"I only just learned of it myself. I forgot about him. I would have told you the news, but you wouldn't stop yelling and making accusations. I even tried to send it to your mind, but you somehow blocked me."

I interrupt them. "Excuse me, if everything's okay here, I've got someplace I'd rather be."

"But what about Papa... he's still chained up?"

"You're the next one in charge, you figure it out." I pat her confused head and hurry from the room. Carlisle isn't in the hallway where he said he'd wait. I rush down the length of hall and turn the corner, but he's nowhere to be seen. I wonder if he thinks there's something between Aro and me. He'd promised he wouldn't leave me, but that was before he lost his memory.

I hurry back to our hallway, and I don't see him along the way. I'm hoping he wasn't called away, or had some other kind of emergency. There's no one visible on our hallway and I find a note on my door.

'_Bella.'_ Doctors aren't supposed to write so beautifully, but his writing has even more curls and flourishes than Edward's. I open the note with trembling fingers.

"_I wanted to give you more time and privacy, as it seemed you needed it. I am waiting for you in my room... if you want to be with me."_

Even in his writing he's uncertain. I sigh. He doesn't know me well enough to be sure I want to be with him. He's so dear to me. I smile at the simple way he's letting himself reach out to me, even through his doubt and fear. He may be unsure, but he's hopeful. I carry the note across the hall and tap lightly on his door.

The man who opens the door to me is in love with me. I can see it in the way his eyes drink me in and the irrepressible smile that lights his face. I feel the fluttering that bubbles up from somewhere inside me and steals my breath. I fling myself into his arms as he pulls me inside. Before closing the door, he puts a note on the outside that makes me smile. _DO NOT DISTURB_!

I want to tell him about Aro, and his breakthrough. I want to ask him if he's seen Yanna yet this morning. And I want to talk about returning home. But more than anything I want to kiss his sweet mouth and hold him tight. I cling to him and he holds me in the tight circle of his arms. When he tips my chin up I gaze at his tender look.

"I love you," he whispers as he lowers his face to mine. When our lips meet , I'm reminded that he's only had a day to relearn his feelings for me But his mouth knows me well, and his tongue quickly connects with mine as the kiss deepens almost immediately. I want to just savor everything he offers, as our mouths explore, and his hands glide over my back and down over the back of my jeans. His body remembers me.

"Bella... I want you!" His desperate declaration makes me ache for him.

"I'm yours baby – all yours." I hear the neediness in my voice. He reaches for the buttons of my blouse, and I stop him. "Don't unbutton it, it's already ruined." The look on his face makes me wonder if I've pushed him too far too soon. Then his eyes light up and a low growl rumbles from within him.

His fingers gently trace over the skin of my neck before they take hold of both sides of my blouse – and pull. Buttons pop and fabric shreds, and I've only got my bra to protect me from his hands and eyes. Like a river gushing past a dam, the flood gates are opened and he consumes me. We're kissing, touching, fondling and just trying to get at one another as quickly as possible. I tear his shirt from him as he did mine and my bra joins the mess on the floor. His mouth on me makes me cry out as his hands work to get me out of my pants as I clutch his head to me.

"I love you Carlisle. I want to make love to you..." His lips find mine again and he exploits my mouth as his hands roam over me. We separate long enough to remove our own pants, and he stares at me. I tremble as his eyes take in every uncovered detail.

"You're beautiful – my god I can't believe you're mine!"

I close the gap between us and slide my hands over his naked body. "I'm your wife, your lover, your most ardent supporter... I'm all yours."

I feel his nervousness when he puts his arms around me. His kiss is full of longing and hunger, and I hold him close as my fingers explore the satin glory of his hair. He tears his mouth from mine and just stares at me.

"I love you – you're like a miracle here to save me. Bella, I feel like I'm dreaming, and I don't want to wake up."

"This is real, Carlisle." I know he needs the reassurance, but I'm desperate to feel him. I put my hand between us and touch him – there. He gasps, and I smile. "It's as real as your body, and I need to feel your body..."

"I don't even have a bed." His protest is feeble, and I smile.

"I want you anyway – on the couch, or the floor, or your shower, or even that big desk. As long as it's _you_ the where doesn't matter." He answers me with a growl and pulls me against him hard. I feel his arousal between us, but I want it_ in _me instead. He must be reading my mind, as I feel his hand cup my behind and squeeze. His fingers slide down my thigh and he lifts my leg to position it around his waist.

His eyes fasten onto mine as he positions himself. He hasn't chosen the couch, the floor, the shower or even his desk. He lifts me, and I feel his hardness pressed against my slick and needy opening. Unerringly he lowers me slowly onto him as I cry out at the welcome intrusion.

"I love you – Carlisle _please!_ You feel so good... yes!"

"Bella..." His throaty whisper against my neck makes me squeeze him, and he groans. He lifts me and again guides me to the place where we meet. Our strength, balance and endurance makes this easy. With my legs around him, he supports me as I move to take full advantage of his body. I can't control my cries of pleasure and he kisses me.

"Careful – everyone will hear you." His warning comes with a smile, and a thrust of his hips.

"I don't care!" I gasp. "You drive me crazy, and it feels so good. Don't stop... oh Carlisle I love it... I love you!"

"I love you too, Bella – you're amazing. I don't want to stop, but I need to change..." He steps over to the couch, and without separating we tumble into the cushions with his delicious weight on me. Then he proves to both of us again that he's master of my body. Carlisle unrestrained really is a force of nature. I know from the sounds of pleasure echoing off the walls that it would be impossible for anyone nearby to miss what we're up to. But I really don't care. Considering how many screams of terror and pain the walls of Volterra have witnessed, I give voice to my pleasure and bliss without holding back.

He looks at me in wonder and love as the rhythm of his body pushes me to the edge of a passionate release, and keeps me there. I writhe and push against him with my hips; trying to get closer to him. I stare up at him, just loving everything about him: His hair on his forehead, his mouth open in wonder, his low groans of satisfaction, and his eyes meeting mine, all combine with the driving motions of his incredible body and send me over the edge.

It feels so good, and I cry out as my eyes squeeze shut and my body shudders against his. I listen to his own release, as he gasps and moans. I open my eyes to take in the way his face twists as he loses control. Another wave of pleasure washes over me, and he watches me as if fascinated. I'm still breathing hard when he settles his weight over me and holds me close. I wrap arms and legs around him as our hips still move with little aftershocks of bliss. I tuck my chin in the crook of his neck and close my eyes.

"...love you," I murmur against his smooth skin.

"You're so beautiful," he mumbles against my hair. "I love... love is such an inadequate word. You captivate me – I'm awed."

He pulls back to look me in the eyes. "I know how it all happened even if I can't remember it myself. If I ever doubted... this proves I was wrong. We belong together, and I'm never going to let you go. I wish I could just make love to you from now until this place falls down around us. You're so passionate, unrestrained, and wild – I love it!" He kisses me exuberantly. "I love _you._"

All I can do is smile. "You're pretty passionate and wild yourself. I'm absolutely willing to make love from now until... we need to hunt."

He grins. "We don't have to stop on account of hunting, we'll just make love afterward."

"Mmm, I like how your mind works. We'll make love outside, under the stars..."

He kisses me. "I was actually thinking about after we returned from hunting. But I like your idea so much better. You make me feel like I can do anything."

"When it comes to making love, you can – as long as it's with me."

"Always." He looks down at me, as if it's a promise. He smiles wickedly as he pulls away from me. "I want to do it again."

"Do what?" I watch him as he stands and walks over to his desk.

"I want to make love again. Right here –_ now._" He looks at the desk and plucks one thing from the organized clutter on the surface. He tucks it into a drawer, then shoves everything else to the floor. "Come here gorgeous, let's play _doctor_."

I love this man. I smile seductively as I walk his way. "I'm so glad you're here Doctor Cullen." I purr playfully. "I've got this deep, burning, ache I need you to help me with..."

I never knew how solidly they made desks, but we put his to the test. Still after all the testing and playing, we wind up on the floor. I wish the carpet was softer, instead of the antique against my back. But I don't complain as he lies partially atop me with his hand lazily caressing my spent body.

"I love your body, Bella." He's hit on the one thing I'm most self-conscious about. "Don't look as if you don't believe me, I really do." His fingers tease over me. "I love how responsive you are here." He takes one peak into his mouth and I moan softly. "I love how they fit perfectly in my palms." He gently squeezes and I sigh. "I love your tiny little waist and your sexy derriere. And I love your long legs..." His hands caress my thighs. "...and I especially love what's right here." He kisses me there and I gasp.

I wonder who will tire of making love first, me or him. He shows no signs of slowing down, as I lie on top of him much later, after round three – or was it four? He took great delight in showing me why he loved my body, including how his hands could almost span my waist, and how my long legs could reach his shoulders. I was beginning to wonder if I shouldn't have put some limitations on what we could do.

But looking down on him, I know I'd never tell him no. I don't know how I ever missed how absolutely gorgeous he is. Even if he was off limits, I should have noticed _something_. But Edward had my complete focus. Being in love must make me completely single-minded. No one I can think of even comes close to Carlisle now.

"What are you thinking?" His question brings me back to the present and I lie on his chest looking down on him.

"I'm just wondering that I never saw how hot you were before." He laughs at that.

"We're not made that way. I mean all of us – vampires. We mate, and it's for life. I can honestly tell you that I never saw 'hot' you were either." His eyes are so honest as he gazes up at me. "I hate to sound so unromantic, but a lot of it is vampire physiology. I could never look at Rosalie or Alice in the same way I do you. And to be honest, even Esme is fading in comparison now." He looks uncomfortable. "Don't get me wrong I still remember, and while she was my mate, she was everything. But now you are everything."

"I'd like to think there's more to it than that. I mean what about Aro and his wife? He's not in mourning for her."

"Aro was never in love with her to begin with. What they had was a business arrangement. Unattached vampires are totally free to be with... anyone. But once that bond forms, it's permanent."

"What about Alice?" I just don't buy it.

"She was …. ill maybe? I don't know. It shouldn't have been possible. I mean Chelsea could break those bonds, but most of us fall in love and stay in love."

"What about when you forgot me?" I run my fingers through the hair at his temples, wondering what's going on in his remarkable mind. "You could have found someone else, and I'd have felt this bond forever, and you wouldn't." A look of pain crosses his face.

"I think that was what confused me the most. I lost my memories, but I didn't lose that connection to you. But it was like smelling roses when there is no garden, or hearing music when there's no source. It felt unnatural."

"It is unnatural," I grumble. "It sounds too much like the imprinting of the Quileutes."

He laughs. "Actually, it's more the opposite. We fall in love and form a bond, but they form a bond and then fall in love. It's funny you should mention the imprinting, since it's almost how I felt about you after the memory loss. I felt the bond, but I had to learn to love you again. Don't look so upset, I really _do_ love you."

He's kneading my behind as we speak, and it seems to distract him. "You have such a nice little tush. You have no idea what I want to do to it." He looks up at me mischievously.

"Try me," I challenge.

"Maybe I'd like to... plant some flowers in there – since you're not using it for anything." I giggle, then I remember I didn't give him that ridiculous memory when Aurora was transferring my memories.

"Why did you say that?" I look down on his teasing face.

"I don't know... I was just playing I guess. You'd look adorable with flowers sprouting from your arse – maybe tu-lips."

"When can we go home." I change the subject. "I want to get out of here and get back to living our own lives as soon as possible."

"Whoa, did I say something wrong?" The worry on his face makes me smile reassuringly.

"No. You said something right – _very _right."


	35. Chapter 35 Homeward Bound

**A/N: I just want to give a fair warning: This chapter contains course language, and details about a rape in explicit detail. It's intended to be shocking, and I apologize for the language and content. I'll indicate where it begins and ends, if you want to skip or skim.**

Chapter 35

Homeward Bound

We could have left that day, but for all the loose ends we had to tie up. Instead it took over a week. Cipriana proved to be more of a thorn in my side than I'd expected. She was almost impossible to find, and we finally sent the Guard out to look for her. They found her in Rome, hunting her prey of choice in the nightclubs. She didn't want to come back, but they didn't let her refuse.

We were in the council room when Carlisle confronted her about her promise not to kill humans. She didn't seem concerned, and defended her actions by reminding him that vampires have been feeding on humans for centuries. When we brought up the subject of Felicia, she grunted and dismissed her with the wave of a hand.

"I don't know what she's done, and I don't care. You can't possibly expect me to _mother_ the little monster." I was itching to slap the look of disgust from her face, but Felicia beat me to it. She darted out from behind Jasper where she'd been lurking, and kicked her mother in the shin so hard it would have broken a normal leg. Cipriana grunted in pain as Felicia screamed at her.

"I hate you! You're a fucking bitch and a whore, and I'll be glad when I can get the hell away from you forever!" She took off at a run, with Alice right behind her.

"What the hell brought that on?" Cipriana looked at us like we'd unleashed the dogs on her. "I'm not taking responsibility for anything that little brat's done! She's been on her own for a year now; I have nothing to do with how she acts." Carlisle gently put a calming hand on my arm before I tore into her.

He handed her a few pages of an official looking document. "I need your permission to take her away. I realize you were forced to become a mother, and you shouldn't be expected to raise the progeny of your rapist. This will absolve you of any and all further responsibility for the child Felicia." She was quiet as she looked over the papers. Her eyes narrowed as she looked up.

"This looks like _you _want the little beast." She sneered at him, then pointedly looked at his hand holding mine. "You want to take _my _daughter, and pretend she belongs to you and your bitch girlfriend?" He squeezed my hand as she laughed. "Oh this is just _priceless_!" She changed her stance and crossed her arms over her chest. "I think she'd be better off crawling around the sewers under the city than shacked up with you two." She flicked the papers at his chest. "Why should I give you anything that belongs to me?"

He was so much more patient than I was. He stayed calm and amiable, even while I wanted to tear her sneering face off. "We can take her away from here, and you won't be bothered by any of her demands. You won't have to pay for her food or clothing..."

"I don't pay for any of that shit now. She's a little thief and a half human garbage disposal. I don't know how she eats, and to be honest, I don't care. Some day they'll probably find her dead body stinking up one of the tunnels, and I'll finally be free!"

**Begins:**

My mouth dropped open and I stared at her. I couldn't imagine ever feeling that way about my own daughter. "Oh don't looks so damn shocked." She stepped closer to me and her eyes met mine. "I was kidnapped. I was held in a room far away from all the sparkly vampires – so they didn't get too ramped up on the smell of my blood. Damn straight I was bleeding – they didn't take me without a fight! I was locked in a tiny, stone room, where my screams echoed off the walls and no one heard. No one except the other women being held in the other rooms, and they told me to shut up!"

"When my door opened, I tried to escape, but you know damn well you can't escape a vampire. He barely looked at me. He didn't even undress to rape me – merely unzipped his fly. He held me down on the cold, stone, floor, and used me." Her eyes darted away for a moment. "I was a pro already. I'd been on the streets since I was sixteen after my step-dad tried to rape me. I was twenty when I was changed. I'd been making a living for four years, giving men anything they were willing to pay for. I'd had more things shoved inside my body than just the multitudes of cocks. You'd be surprised how many men like to see a woman writhe in pain rather than pleasure." She took a deep breath.

"Felice was the most beautiful man I'd ever seen – and the most brutal. When he was finished with me, he zipped up and walked out. He left me covered in bruises and blood, curled up on the floor. My back was scraped raw from his frenzied fucking. It hurt to use the toilet when I could finally stand, and there was blood in my piss. Oh, and my toilet was nothing more than a bucket in the corner." She was so close I could hear her teeth grind.

"It was bad. I laid there on the floor, and I could hear the noises from the other rooms. I knew the sounds of sex well enough, and the screams let me know other girls were getting raped too. We were nothing to them. We weren't given beds, blankets, clothes, or anything to clean ourselves with. We were fed twice a day, and the food was always a surprise. It was like they ran through a market and brought us back whatever caught their eyes. Nothing was ever cooked, and it was often inedible. I had a bowl of cake mix one day, and a whole raw chicken on another – and I ate it. We always had water to drink. They didn't care about our pain or our comfort, but they didn't want us to dehydrate," she sneered.

She seemed to realize where she was, and she paced away from me. "You don't have any right to judge me. Don't you think I tried to feel something for her – something besides hatred and disgust? She's my own kid – I should _feel _something – right?" She was shaking in her anger. "Maybe if I'd had the sense to get knocked up right away... maybe I wouldn't hate her..."

She looked at me with the eyes of an abused animal. "You were lucky. You loved the one who got you pregnant. He cared about you. He tried not to hurt you and he wanted to keep you.

"I found out later that Felice was compelled. I don't know what he saw when he was with me, but it wasn't _me._" She rolled her eyes to the ceiling. "They could have discovered when we were fertile – it's a simple enough test. But they didn't care enough about us to even do that much." Her eyes locked onto mine again. "For two months, he came to me every day. Every day he tore my legs apart and shoved his vampire cock inside me, and went at it _hard_. I never had a chance to heal, and he didn't care that I screamed. I laid there under him, and memorized every detail of his face."

**End**

She turned and faced away from my horrified expression. "As much as I hated what he did to me, it was even worse after I got pregnant. He didn't come back to rape me anymore, and I was completely alone. They had someone shove containers of blood into the cell, and I drank it like it was fine wine." She sat down in one of the chairs and looked up at me.

"I knew the moment I conceived. I felt it growing in me, and I knew that was the plan all along. I was nothing more than an incubator. I could feel it moving in me from the first, and all it did was remind me how he'd left part of himself inside me. It was a part of him, and I knew it wanted to kill me. I hated it." I stood there staring at her.

"One of the girls in a nearby room went into labor. I listened to her screams and I could hear the loud noises as it tore it's way out of her. It cried when it was free, then it stopped. I didn't think it died, and no one came to get it. I'm pretty sure now it was feeding on her. I knew that's what was in store for me.

"Bella, you don't have to listen to this." Carlisle put his arm around me and tried to guide me away from her.

"I can't blame you for trying to protect her. You know what happened You almost showed up in time for the big event."

"I'm okay, you don't have to protect me. You told me what you found when you got here." I kissed his face and she rolled her eyes.

"Did he tell you they left us to starve? I think that's why she didn't kill me when she was born. They left us here when they went to Denali. Maybe there was supposed to be someone in charge of feeding us, but it didn't happen. The blood stopped coming, and the thing inside me noticed right away. Screaming and pounding on the door was useless. For days I was hungry, freezing, and in constant pain, and I knew it was going to get worse."

For just a moment she looked ashamed. "I tried to kill it before it was born. I hit my stomach, and it hit back. I tried to fall on it, and it only hurt me." She shook her head sadly. "I was Catholic when I was human. I knew murder and abortion were unforgivable sins and I knew what I was doing would send my soul to hell, but I was desperate! I broke the wire handle off of the bucket and tried to use it to give myself an abortion. All it did was tear me up inside.

"I was bleeding enough I would have died from it when she decided to be born." She closed her eyes at the memory. "I thought I knew pain... but this was so raw and inescapable. I knew it was trying to get out, and I screamed until I lost my voice. I'm not sure why she didn't come through my stomach, which I found out most of them did. She came out as if she were following the wire, and the trail of blood. She came out like she was trying to be born naturally. It's the only thing that saved me. She was small enough she didn't tear me apart, and she came out the right way."

Carlisle explained what happened. "She came premature, but she was born naturally. Cipriana was almost dead when I found her. She'd lost a lot of blood during the birth, and the baby fed on her as well. Thankfully she didn't have a vampire appetite or it would have been too late." He looked at her with convicting eyes. "She promised if I saved her she wouldn't hunt humans."

"I would have promised you anything in that moment! You weren't even the one who changed me. How could you let Felice do it, when he was the reason I was dying?" She looked at him with scorn.

"He was your baby's father..."

"He's never acknowledged her. Once Joham was gone, he pretended he never touched me! He's a liar and a rapist, and he will never convince me that he can't remember. Some days it's _all _I can remember." She looked at me. "I can't love that girl – she looks _exactly _like him. She has his face, and every time I look at her I feel like I'm back in the cell, and he's on me – _in _me!"

"I'm sorry." I really did feel sorry for her, even after what she'd done to Felicia. "Let us take her." I handed her the papers again.

"You'll take care of her?" She looked at me, then at Carlisle. "You won't let her... turn out like me?" Her voice was small.

"We'll take care of her." He sounded so confident and self assured.

"Let me think about it. I should at least read the papers before I give up my own flesh and blood, right?" He nodded slightly.

We were already packed up and ready to go. We were going to fly on the Volterra Jet again; one last concession to Alice before she left her office to Aurora for good. We had all the paperwork done for the girls, so they could be seen as citizens if anyone wanted to check.

When Cipriana came back two hours later, we were stunned at what she wanted. "I'll sign the papers, but I want money first." She looked at us defiantly "I already know I can get one of the vampires to pay for her, so how much are you willing to give me?"

"Just what do you think a vampire would want with her?" Carlisle questioned her with a disbelieving look on his face.

"Well duh! All the new rules have made it harder to hunt. Hybrids might be annoying little breeders, but they're also a good source of blood." I gasped at her casual disregard for Felicia. "Don't get your panties in a twist, you know good and well she's already been snacked on a few times. She's only going to get bigger and more valuable as a blood pouch. If I signed her over to a vampire now, he'd have time to teach her to obey him while she's still young enough to train..." I would have slapped her if Carlisle hadn't seen it coming and stopped me.

"How can you talk about a little girl like that? Even if she wasn't your own daughter, she's still a person! After all you went through, you'd let someone use her like that?" I can't get over the woman.

"She should get used to it early. That's all a woman is good for in a man's eyes – whatever he can get from her. It's a pretty good idea you gave me. I can sign her over to someone else and make a profit on her. She won't be my responsibility, and I won't have to worry about any trouble she gets into on her own. In a few years she'll be old enough for sex, so I should really get a good price for her."

I realized she was baiting me, but I still wanted to hit her. I had my fist curled and Carlisle held my wrist.

"How much do you want for her?" I was stunned to hear his words. "How much will it take for you to sign the papers?" She looked at him with a calculating gleam in her eyes.

"Half a million – American."

"You want five hundred thousand dollars for her?" He sounded shocked.

; "You're a rich doctor, I'm sure you can afford it." He stared at her, then he glanced at me.

"Fine. Sign the papers." I was speechless.

"I'll sign them as soon as I've got my money." She crossed her arms over her chest.

"It'll take me a few hours to get that kind of money. I assume you want cash?"

"You assume right. It's been nice doing business with you." She held her hand out to shake his, but he pointedly ignored her. "Fine. I'll see you when you've got my money." She strode out with her nose in the air, leaving me alone with him.

"You're not seriously going to pay her for her Felicia, are you?" I hope she's out of hearing range.

"I don't see what else I can do. You know she won't stand a chance if we leave her behind."

"We can take her without permission. She wants to go with us, and she won't make a fuss. It's not as if Cipriana can call the police and report us."

"Can't she?" He sighed. "Bella, I've seen her type before. She knows how to get what she wants, and if it means innocent people have to suffer, she's not going to worry about it. If she reports that we've kidnapped her daughter, it will open up a big can of worms that could put all our secrets at risk."

"She wouldn't do that. She would be puttting herself at risk."

"She's good at disappearing when there's trouble. You don't think she'd be delighted to stir up a hornets nest for spite and then sneak away and force us to deal with it?" I hated that he was right. It sounded exactly like her.

"I changed my mind." She was back, and standing in the doorway looking at us. "I want a million." I almost choked – _her_. I didn't want to give in to her, but she'd obviously heard us talking about how she could make our lives a living hell.

It took us a bit more time to negotiate, and we came up with a plan that would let Felicia get away from her. We'd pay her a million over five years, and she would sign the papers as soon as the first money transfer hit her account. Within hours we had her signatures. Felicia was free of her.

I was cleaning up Nahuel's room when Yanna came through the door. She was using her walker all the time now, and we thought for sure she'd have a full recovery in time.

"We've been summoned to the old Audience Chamber – all of us." She told me her orders came down from Aurora, and we were to dress in Volterra colors. I had to dig through my suitcase to put together the ensemble. I knew once we were home, I'd never wear them again. We met Carlisle in the hall and he took my breath away in his black shirt and red tie. He gravitated to my side and we kissed .

"Enough of that, you two!" Alice smiled as she lightly stepped into the hall. Jasper was right behind her, with Felicia on his shoulders. Alice looked stunning in her red dress and heels. Jasper mirrored Carlisle in all black, except he'd omitted the tie. Felicia looked like a living doll in red ruffles and pigtails. She squirmed until Jasper put her down. She spun and the dress flared out.

She grinned up at me. "I look _hot _in red!"

I couldn't help but laugh. "You look amazing."

With Carlisle leading us, we turned heads as we entered the Audience Chamber. Arianna waved us to the front of the group, and I remembered all too clearly the last time we were there. It was the last time my husband remembered our courtship.. I held his hand tight as we took our places, just steps away from the three thrones. It seemed everyone was assembled there – both hybrid and vampire – along with several humans. Reese had already left days before.

When she came in, all eyes turned toward Aurora, and the crowd parted. She wore black from head to toe, and her hair was covered with a black scarf. _"I want everyone to be aware, I'll be reading thoughts in this assembly."_ It shocked me to hear her in my head, as Nessie was the only other one who could get through my shield. I was even more shocked when she seated herself on the center throne – formerly Aro's seat.

She placed her hands on the armrests with regal decorum and smiled. "I never understood why Papa liked this heavy, uncomfortable old chair." She didn't have to raise her voice, as we were all silent. She stood and faced us all. "Thank you all for coming." She paced on the dais, then faced us and took a deep breath. "This is the first meeting of our new council. We're going to dispense with the formal way things have been done in the past, so we can get down to business quicker. To start off, I want you to know, that you all have a say in the law and the decisions of our kind from her on out. I trust you've all had a chance to read up on the different issues facing us now, as well as the proposed solutions." There were murmurs of assent across the room.

"Good." She turned and took off the scarf, freeing her hair to fall past her shoulders. She draped the scarf on one of the other chairs. "On the top of my list, is Volterra itself. We've been in mourning for over two years now, and as I take this position, I want to tell you it's time for this to end." She'd obviously choreographed her speech, as she easily shucked out of her black ensemble and stood facing the crowd in a dress of white.

"I understand it's not this easy. But it's my goal to take the Volturi in a new direction. We have a lot of challenges before us. But instead of trying to address them in the old way, or even the new improved way, I want to start from the beginning. We're not going to build our future on the bones of the past. We're going to go forward like it's the first day; and we're going to do it together." She sat down on the throne, perched on the edge of the seat.

As if on cue, the crowd parted and he strode through the people he'd once called his – Aro. He reached the throne and stood looking at Aurora. I could almost feel everyone holding their breath, then he knelt before her and bowed his head.

"I humbly pledge my allegiance to you and your position." It was so clearly staged, and yet I could feel the crowd let out it's breath.

"Stand Papa, you don't have to kneel." As he stood, so did she, and then she hugged him. He stood beside her as she made her next announcement.

"Would the Cullen family please come forward?" Carlisle held my hand as we stepped closer to the dais. I noticed that Felicia and Yanna came with us. Aurora beamed as she looked at us.

"I can't thank you all enough for what you've done for Volterra and all of us who live here. This place would have self-destructed without you. I wish you would stay, but I understand you want to go home. You'll always be welcome here." I was again stunned when Aro stepped forward and offered his hand to Carlisle. For a long moment they held still.

Aro's voice was thick with emotion. "I'm sorry. Maybe we can't be friends, but I'm man enough to admit when I'm wrong. I hope we can see past our differences to help make the future better for our children." Carlisle took his hand.

"It's Bella who's owed an apology." Carlisle's words were clipped as he let go of his hand.

"Of course." He turned and looked my way. "I will once again say how sorry I am for what I did, and the pain I caused you. I also want to thank you both. Putting my daughter in charge was a brilliant decision. There's no one better suited for this position – myself included."

The meeting went on for several hours, and many changes were put in place. The council would be held remotely, and none of the representatives would need to be present. The old law about the right of bondage was specifically abolished. All mandatory death sentences were abolished. It was still possible to be executed, but each case would be handled individually.

When the meeting was finally over, I felt like we'd just seen the dawn of a new Volterra. I was impressed at how Aurora had handled herself during the meeting. I knew she was using her ability to head off issues before they arose. We went back to our rooms to finish packing up and when we met in the main entry, a lot of people showed up to say goodbye.

I hugged Leonora, and invited her to visit any time. I also said goodbye to Aro's youngest children. It was good to see Arianna dressed somewhat conservatively, and Armando standing tall and sober. They let me know that they were expecting their older brother to be visiting soon

"Yeah, pops can hardly wait to see the son who's_ not _a disappointment." I hated to hear him put himself down. Impulsively I hugged him.

"Don't be so hard on yourself. You'll learn control of your gift, and it will be a valuable asset." I patted his cheek. "I'm proud of you; you've come a long way since I met you."

"I'm really glad you didn't wind up with Pops – then I'd be jealous of him." He smirked.

"I want to come and visit you." Arianna hugged both Carlisle and I enthusiastically. "I've never been away from Italy, and I'd like to travel. Maybe I could go to University there?" We assured her that she would be welcome any time.

When Anton lead us out to our ride, we'd gone from a limo to a van. There were six of us, plus him and our driver. There was also a lot of luggage, which surprised me. Most of it had Alice's bag tags hanging from the handles.

I watched Volterra disappear as we drove through the gate, and down the road. I was surprised to feel like I was going to miss it. So much had happened in my life behind those walls. Carlisle squeezed my hand and kissed my cheek, as if he could read my mind. We were finally going home.

I sit beside him on the jet, and Yanna is in the back, playing some kind of board game with Alice, Jasper, and Felicia. I snuggle next to him in my seat, just thinking about all the changes that have occurred since our flight into Italy.

"I love you." His whisper into my hair makes me look up at him and smile.

"I love you too." I rub my hand over his back

"Have you thought about where you want to stay once we get back? I mean you're only across the hall, but that feels like too far away."

"Yanna will probably want her own room – or maybe Felicia will want that one." I slide my fingers through his hair, dislodging it from it's professional style, until it's falling onto his forehead the way I like it. "I guess the more important question is; how obvious do we want to be about our relationship? Do we care if everyone knows we're lovers?"

"If we share a room, it will be quite obvious we're lovers." His mischievous grin sends shivers down my spine. "I'm fine with that." He kisses me next to my ear, and whispers,"Do we share that we're already married, or do we let them believe we're just living together?"

"That's a hard one to answer. If we look like we're living together, then maybe Nessie will be happier. But I don't like denying that we're committed, and this is serious."

"Everyone on this plane knows we're committed and serious," he murmurs against my ear. "As far as I'm concerned, you're my wife, and I want you with me." He lowers his voice to be sure I'm the only one who can hear. "I want to make love to you every night, and several times in between."

I gasp, peeking over his shoulder to make sure no one else heard. I kiss his neck and whisper just as quietly. "We need to get a strong bed that doesn't squeak."

His lips brush my ear. "Who needs a bed, when we have the floor... or the woods... or even the car?" With that, his hand sneaks up under my top in back. His fingers rub teasingly over my skin, then expertly unhook my bra.

"Hey!"

"Shhh..." His hand is again moving over my skin soothingly. "Relax darling, I just want to touch you..." he turns me to face him, and kisses me. In moments I'm lost in just holding him and feeling his hands gently caressing me. I love this man!

But I should know better than to trust him, at least where some things are concerned. His hypnotic surgeons fingers aren't content to explore my back, and I gasp as one hand finds it's way to my front. He stops kissing me long enough to gaze hungrily into my eyes, as his hand caresses and squeezes his favorite part. I cover his hand with my own, encouraging him.

His kiss takes my mouth by storm, then travels down to my neck. I just know any moment one of the others is going to come forward on the plane and catch us making out like two teenagers in the backseat of their daddy's car. But I don't want to stop, as I clutch his head to me. I fight to keep my breathing as normal as I can, knowing at least two of them can hear it.

I give up that fight when he opens two buttons on my blouse and puts his mouth where his hand was. He's seducing me on a plane, just yards away from his family! I start to think about the references I've heard to the "Mile High Club" and now I know that it must really exist, because I want to join! I'm trying to think about how to make it happen. I could straddle him, and hike up my skirt... unfasten his pants... and be there in moments. I'm about to make that first move, when he stops and buttons my blouse again. His smile is so triumphant and teasing, and all I can do is stare at him. I _need _him!

He pulls me close and whispers in my ear, "I think you're going to need to move in with me." His hands glide over me with bold familiarity. "I want to be alone and naked with you, forever. I want to fuck you, baby." His words make me gasp, and my whole body clenches He doesn't talk like that, and neither do I, except on our honeymoon.

I turn to face him, and his face is beautiful. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offen..."

He doesn't finish as I kiss him. I seriously consider making love to him under a blanket, or maybe in the airplane lavatory. Like either of us could get away with that ruse. I know he's touched on another memory I didn't share with him via Aurora. I know it's there – I'm there!

"I love you..." I whisper in his ear, then kiss and suck the lobe. "...even though you're a vicious tease."

"Hey!" Felicia's voice intrudes. "If you two want to get busy up there, we won't look! Hell, the UST is already so thick, even all the way back here it's got Jasper fidgeting." Carlisle groans, and I giggle nervously. I hear Alice's reprimand and bury my face against his chest.

"I'm sorry..." He whispers softly against my hair. "I keep forgetting the particular talents of my family – _trying _to forget as the case may be."

I don't try to hide my sarcastic comment. "You paid a million for that? You might want to get your money back."

"I can hear you! Fat chance getting any of that money back. Mommy Dearest will probably be hiding out in the Caribbean Islands before the ink dries on the check. You know, she tried the Virgin Islands, but they wouldn't take her!" She snickers at her own joke, and I roll my eyes. I'm surprised she can joke about the callous way her mother has sold her out.

We'd tried to keep the news from her, but her mother sought her out and told her. It wasn't to apologize, but to make sure her daughter stuck to the agreement so she'd get all her money. Felicia thought it was great, and she wanted to change her name to Million Dollar Baby.

"You two might as well give up on the privacy angle, and come back here to play with us." Alice sounds unconcerned. "The jet engines drown out the noise, but there are just somethings you can't hide." Even though it's impossible, I feel like I should be blushing. Carlisle laughs at my embarrassment.

"Come on beautiful, let's go see what game they're playing." He stands and holds his hand out for mine. I love his courtly manners. He blocks their view of me as we both straighten my blouse, and then go to the back of the plane to play a Scrabble type game called Bananagrams. It' moves fast, and Carlisle wins almost all of the games. I never knew it was possible to have such an extensive vocabulary. He not only knows the words, but also the meaning, and it's origin and etymology. We finally have to come up with some _house rules_ to handicap him. We start by limiting him to American English of the past fifty years, and outlawing all obscure medical terminology. By the time the plane lands, it's Jasper who is winning.

We've opted to go home first, even though it's been a long time since I've seen Ness and my dad. Though Carlisle doesn't remember it, he'd brought Eleazar to the new place and left him in the care of Colette. He's still surprised that he would have left any patient so gravely injured in order to fly to Italy to be with me, even if Eleazar wasn't his good friend.

The Maserati is waiting for us in long term parking, and it won't seat the six of us – especially with Yanna's walker and all the luggage. Carlisle rents an SUV for the trip home, and as soon as everything is loaded up he grins at Jasper. This time I'm driving Bella in the Maserati, and you get the family vehicle." He tosses the keys toward Jasper, and Alice snatches them from the air.

"I think I'll drive this time – let's see what this baby can do." She slaps the hood of the big SUV and Felicia grins.

"I call shotgun!" Felicia hops into the passenger seat, leaving a bewildered Jasper to climb into the back with Yanna. "Come on Alice, let's go really fast. I bet you can outrun the cops even in this monster." She bounces in her seat excitedly.

"We'll meet you back home, but don't wait on us. We might stop off on the way." With that cryptic remark Carlisle opens my door and unnecessarily helps me into his car. The SUV pulls away, and I'm about to ask him what he meant, when he starts the car and Edward's music floods the space.

"I'm sorry..." He reaches for the controls, and I stop him.

"It's okay. I like this piece... he played so beautifully." We stare at each other, as he fingers his keyring with Esme's name, and we listen to Edward's music. We're both thinking of them. "I think he would be happy for me – for us."

He sighs. "I guess I didn't realize that in coming back home we'd have to confront all the old memories. Are you sure you're alright? I expected you to have some kind of breakdown when you heard his music."

I lay my hand on his cheek with a smile. "You're remembering that I _did _have a breakdown – the first time I rode in your car and it played. I'm past it now. I'm in love with you, Carlisle. This doesn't have the power to hurt me anymore." I lean over to kiss him and he meets me in the middle.

When we pull away, he gives me an intense look. "Why do I have the desire to make out in the car?" I laugh at where his thoughts have gone. "No seriously... I feel like I want to climb in the backseat and... tear your clothes off." He looks embarrassed.

"We almost did that in Italy... after you came back." I lean in and kiss the corner of his mouth. "We can pick up where we left off, if you want."

"Maybe another time," he smiles mischievously. "I have a different plan in mind for now." Without another word, he puts the car in gear and we pull out of the parking garage. He won't tell me where we're going or what he's up to. It's only when he pulls up to the hotel that I understand.

"I don't have a bed in my room, and I really want to make love to you properly – at least once." His boyish smile melts my heart and I smile.

"You better plan on a lot more than once. I seem to recall you're a bit insatiable – not to mention the way you've been teasing me." He helps me from the car and pulls me tight against him.

"I'm just making up for lost time – I love you so much!" In the hotel room, away from other guests, he shows me just how much he loves me. I feel almost wicked sneaking off with him in the middle of the day. Then I remember that he's my husband – my beautiful, sweet, sexy, insatiable, husband. I love him so much I don't want to leave the circle of his arms, as we lie spent and naked together on the rumpled bed.

The ring tone of his phone pulls him from me. His compressed lips turn up in a resigned smile. "I hate to say it, but this is part of being married to a doctor." I slide my hands over his body as he digs the phone out of his pants pocket. I may have to accept it, but I don't have to play fair.

The call gains my full attention when I hear Jasper on the other end. "You might want to come home as soon as possible... we've got a bit of a... _situation _here." In the background I hear a woman screaming. "It's Gemma. She's starting to remember." I gasp, as another shriek carries through the phone. "I'm doing all I can to keep her calm, but this girl's been through hell. Colette had to leave the house now that Gemma remembers her being the one who healed her. Colette swears she doesn't remember, and I believe her. I hate to drag you back so soon Carlisle, but... I could really use a little help."

"We'll be there as soon as possible." I'm already dressed by the time they hung up.

"I'm sorry about this Bella. I really planned to at least spend the night." He steps into his pants.

"Shh, it's okay. They're my family too, remember?" My eyes meet his. "We've got a lot of time ahead of us." I help him button his shirt and kiss him. "We'll just have to make up for lost time – _next _time." He growls low in his throat as he slips into his shoes.

We don't have any luggage, and in the time it takes to turn in the keys, we're on the road home. I used to think Edward drove too fast, but now I'm given proof that he must have been trying to protect me with his slow speed. Carlisle all but flies in the Maserati. Tires scream around curves, and he weaves in and out of traffic like a NASCAR driver. The only reason I know he won't get a ticket, is there isn't a cop around who could catch him.

With all the speed it took to get there, we take the gravel drive slow and careful. "I don't want to scare her with a lot of excitement." Even this far from the house I hear another scream.  
>"No offense, but I think she's already scared. Shouldn't we hurry?" I remember what happened the last time I questioned his medical decision. But this time he seems to agree with me, and he parks the car and we both run the rest of the way to the house.<p>

What I see when we come in stuns me. The place looks wrecked. One of the windows is broken, the furniture looks as if it's been thrown, and in the empty space in the great room, Jasper and Huilen are holding Gemma down. There are gouges on the wood floor from her fingers, and as she sees us she twists against her captors and screams.

Carlisle doesn't waste any time, but rushes for his medical supplies. When he comes back he moves in close to the straining woman, speaking as calmly as possible. She stares at him with wild eyes. He tries to hide it, but she notices the syringe at the last moment, and wrenches a hand free of Jasper. Blindingly fast, she rakes her nails across Carlisle's face before Jasper takes hold of her hand again. I'm stunned as he unerringly injects her, then backs away.

I rush to him, seeing the oozing wounds which have come perilously close to his eye. "Oh my god, are you okay?" I reach up to his face and he stops me.

"I'm fine, I'm fine, It'll heal, don't worry about it. Come on and help me secure her while the drugs take effect." With more of us there, we don't have to be so brutal in keeping her immobile. She still looks like a terrified animal, but she's not screaming, and she's not fighting as strenuously. When she finally falls into a deep sleep, we all relax.

"That should hold her for a few hours." He looks around at all the damage. "What the hell happened?"

Nahuel comes out of the kitchen with Karina in his arms. "She's been acting strange the past day or two. All she waned to do was sleep, and when she slept, she'd wake up screaming with nightmares. She started to withdraw, and there was a time or two she didn't even want to hold Karina. Any time Colette was near her, she'd withdraw; like she couldn't even stand to be in the same room with her." He looks around guiltily at the damage.

"I'm sorry we weren't able to control her better." He looks between me and Carlisle. "She's always had such a fragile temperament, so I wasn't too worried about her behavior. When Jasper came in this morning, she sort of lost it." All eyes turn his way. "It's not his fault. I think she was just surprised... No, that's not really what I think happened. Seriously, she took one look at the afternoon sun on his hair, and went nuts."

Jasper continues with the story. "I could feel her panic and fear, but every time I got close to her, she screamed." He looks around the room and shakes his head. "She throws furniture like an angry vampire. She tried to leave, but I wouldn't let her. I was afraid she might resort to a predatory instinct if she was confronted by humans. She tried to break out through the window, and it was all we could do to keep her from hurting herself or getting away."

Jasper comes alongside Carlisle and lowers his voice as he takes in the scratches slowly healing on his face. "I'm sorry I didn't hold her tight enough. She's scared to death of me. I think she sees me as Joham." Carlisle groans and runs his fingers through his hair as he paces across the floor.

"Wasn't it bad enough what he did while he was alive? Now we're being plagued with people substituting us for him in their damaged memories!" His fingers tear through his hair, and I go and wra my arms around him. For a moment he clings to me, then he kisses my cheek and lets go.

He steps over to Gemma and picks her up. "Let's take her to her own room, so she's at least in familiar surroundings." Nahuel leads the way, and I follow along with Alice and Jasper. Carlisle places her gently on the bed in their own suite, then he gives her a perfunctory physical while we wait outside.

"There's not a thing wrong with her, at least physically. Not even any cuts or bruises from the earlier scuffle. She's too strong to leave her to her own devices if she's had some kind of break."

"I think it's the blond hair." Jasper speaks up from the doorway. "We've both got blond hair, just like Caius. Joham had strawberry blond hair. Gemma is Italian, and blonds aren't as common. That's probably what set her off." He looks thoughtful for a moment. "Maybe if she wakes up in her own bed, and none of us are around her..."

"That could work!" Nahuel looks enthusiastic.

"Yes, but we can't keep her locked up in her room indefinitely." Carlisle isn't convinced.

"Maybe..." I interrupt. They look my way, and I bite my lip. "...I think I've got an idea." It takes a few hours to set it up, and when we're ready when Gemma begins to come out of her induced sleep. Carlisle and Jasper are both wearing hats to cover their hair, and I try not to laugh.

We limit the number of people in their suite. It's just Nahuel, Carlisle, Jasper, me, and Huilen is there to take care of the baby. Nahuel is there with her when she wakes, calming and soothing her. She looks panicked when she comes into the sitting room, but I hit the remote, and the Big screen TV we've moved into their suite comes on.

Her eyes turn and she freezes. "Gemma? Gemma is that you?" A man's face fills the screen, and her mouth drops open.

"Papa?" Nahuel guides her to sit in front of the TV where they've hooked up the camera. Gemma sits and listens to her own father tell her about some of the things she either missed or forgot concerning the last five years of her life. It seems Joham had taken her prisoner, for supposed crimes her father had committed. He'd lost track of her, and thought she might have died in the war. It was the hybrid database which made him believe she might still be live.

Then next call is more touchy, and Nahuel sits with her as computers across the world link up and a petite young woman's face fills the screen. Carlisle has to remind her to speak Italian so Gemma can understand.

"My name is Tamara..." I'm reminded of Aro's story, and I suddenly see her resemblance to Alice. She goes on to tell of how she was kidnapped and forced to have a baby, and become a vampire. She tells the tale of how some of Joham's victims were held below the city and endured torture and experiments. She also tells of their escape, and how she tried to get Gemma to go with them, but she'd been too traumatized by a real werewolf.

Gemma sits clinging to Nahuel as she speaks. After Tamara talks, a shy woman takes her seat and introduces herself as Rachele. Rachele talks about being the mother of Aro's firstborn son. She speaks long and lovingly of Angelo. She tells about how Joham almost killed them, so he could take them captive without Aro's knowledge. Then she goes into the most troubling story.

"Joham really liked you, Gemma. Of course we all hated him, but he liked that you were strong, and you weren't afraid of him. He mated with you... I'm sorry, that's not correct. He _raped _you." She looks tragically sad. "I'm so sorry we couldn't help you then – we were all prisoners. But you became pregnant, and you had a little girl. You named her Carolina." To me the name sounds like Karina, and I wonder if it was her memory asserting itself.

"After Carolina was born, he forced you and my son..." She shakes her head and is unable to finish her sentence. "He's a good boy, and he would never hurt anyone of his own free will. Joham..." She turned and spat off camera. "...he was a monster! He held little Carolina and threatened her life if you did not do as you were told. You became pregnant again, with Angelo's baby." She smiles in spite of the way it happened. "You had a little boy named Christiano. He's beautiful! Gemma, we have been taking care of your children since we fled Volterra. We couldn't take you with us when we left, but we couldn't leave these babies behind.

"Gemma, my son Angelo can influence memories. He saw you were suffering after you were attacked and raped by a werewolf. He saw how horribly traumatized you were. He wanted to make you forget the past and all about what had happened during your captivity. He was trying to do you a favor when he suppressed your memories." Rachele glances off camera, then gets up.

A handsome young man takes her place. He looks so much like Aro and Armando he could only be related. "Hello Gemma. I'm..."

"Angelo!" She interrupts. A look of surprised wonder crosses her face, and Nahuel looks uncomfortable. "I remember now! Where are the babies?"

The screen fills, as two children crowd in front of the camera. "This is your daughter Carolina, and this is our son Christiano." They each claim a knee, and sit there waving, like only little kids will do when faced with a camera. He kisses both their cheeks. "Christiano starts kindergarten soon, and Carolina will be in the first grade. They're wonderful children, and I tell them about their brave mommy every chance I get." Gemma's face is awash in tears.

Carlisle comes to me, and guides me out of the room. Jasper is right behind us and he closes the door softly behind him. "I think they're going to need some privacy to deal with all these revelations." Carlisle's voice is whisper quiet as we head for the great room.

"Considering all the information, she's remarkably calm," Jasper adds.

"Well, now that we've taken care of that emergency, where did everyone go?" I'd noticed that Yanna and Felicia had disappeared even before we got here. We start to clean up the great room even before Jasper answers.

"Colette took Eleazar and left when Gemma tried to leave through the window.. He's almost fully recovered, but she didn't want to see him injured again. I suggested the house in forks..." Jasper looks at Carlisle with uncertainty. "...I wasn't sure how long Gemma would be unsettled, and it was all I could come up with at the time."

"You did fine. It doesn't hold any painful memories for those two at least. It's good someone can enjoy it." Together we right the couch and set the lamps back on the tables. It reminds me of the cottage during the hurricane. "It looks like a strong wind blew through here." His words catch me off guard, and I smile.

"You just missed Rosalie, Garrett, Alice, and Yanna. They weren't far behind Colette and Eleazar. Alice wanted to get Felicia out of here before she said something to send Gemma spinning even harder. They were going to do a bit of shopping until the drama died down." He shrugs. "What can I say, the woman can shop in almost any circumstance. To his credit, Garrett offered to stay behind and help, but he's as blond as I am, and Gemma had slipped and called him Caius once already."

We quickly have the rooms put right, and Jasper and Carlisle to about fixing the window. When we're finally able to go up to our rooms, I find mine's already been taken over. I recognize Yanna's things around the room, and I smile when I realize the room just looks like it belongs to her.

Carlisle steps into the space quietly. "I think you should come with me. I've got something to show you." He leads me down the stairs, and down the hallway opposite Nahuel and Gemma's rooms. At the end of the hall he opens the door and scoops me up in his arms. He carries me into the suite and sets me on my feet.

"Welcome to our suite, Missus Cullen." Someone has brought my things in, and they're intermingled with his in the sitting room. Through the door to the bedroom, the first thing I see is the bed. Its large, and the ornate wrought iron of the four posts, rise up into a canopy overhead. One of Esme's paintings from the Island hangs on one wall. One of Huilen's woven tapestries hangs behind the bed, and her rugs adorn the floor.

"Who did this... and when?" It's a beautiful room, with the lake glistening outside the windows and the french doors opening out onto a private deck.

"Alice had called home while we were in Italy. Rosalie did this for us." My jaw drops. "Don't look so surprised, she seems to have changed quite a bit. Garrett's a really good influence on her."

"I know she's changed. It's just been so long since I've seen her. She really did a nice job on this. I guess this means she approves of us?"

"So far there's only one who hasn't. But I don't want you to worry about that now." He leads me to the bed and we sit down. "Are you comfortable staying in the same rooms, even though people don't know we're married?"

"I love you, and I don't want to be apart from you, no matter what people think."

His smile is so bright, and I finally touch his face where Gemma scratched him. "It's almost all healed. I didn't know hybrids could do so much damage to us."

"Being venomous means she's closer to us than human. Are you trying to distract me?" He moves closer and eases his arm around me. His kiss on my neck distracts me from his question. "I'm dying to break in this bed, what do you say?" He nuzzles my neck again.

"I think as soon as we got into it, we'd get interrupted." He stares at me longingly, and I can hardly wait until we can make love again. Almost on cue, the noise coming down the hall tells us the shopping excursion is over.

We head out to greet them, and even before I say a word, Rosalie flings herself at me in the most exuberant hug I've ever seen her give. "I'm so happy for you two! Actually, I'm really happy for me too. But this is so wonderful!" She actually kisses my cheeks before she lets me go, and Garrett hugs me as well. "I confess, at first I thought the idea of you two as a couple was just weird, but then I started to think about how great it is to be in love again." She was practically bubbling. "You two both deserve to be happy."

"Thanks." I can't help but smile at her enthusiasm. "Oh, and thanks for fixing up the suite for us." She nods and waves a hand dismissively.

"Oh wait until you see what we've found for Yanna and Felicia's rooms."

Felicia responds to the sound of her name. "Oh my god, I think they bought out the store! I told them _no pink, _and _no purple._. Wait til you see the color my room's going to be!"

"What color?" I'm trying to follow all the chaos with so many talking at once.

"I look hot in red, so I'm going to have as much red as I can get in my room."

We all stop and stare as Nahuel leads Gemma into the room. Her English is broken and woven through with Italian, but she's trying. "I am sorry for behaving poorly. I have trouble had understanding truth from lies. Thank you all for being patient with me. Thank you for my family finding." Tears fill her eyes, but a smile lights her face. "I have two other children. They will be coming to visit as soon as they can. I want... can my daughter stay?" She looks to Carlisle.

"Of course she can stay. We're all family now..." He looks around the room at everyone. I consider you all to be my family."

**A/N: This is later than planned, and longer than planned. There's still at least one more to go. With luck and better planning, I'll see you on Thursday. BTW, if there ever seems to be missing punctuation, it might not be my fault. The site is doing some creative editing, and it doesn't seem to appreciate the asterisk or combining the question mark and exclamation point. (whew, you should have seen one debate on the forums!) I'm not sure what else it's kicking out, so let me know if you see anything.  
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	36. Chapter 36 Out of the Ashes

Chapter 36

Out of the Ashes

It's late when we finally escape to our suite. After Alice's shopping trip, both Yanna and Felicia have enough supplies to fully decorate their own rooms. They were both upstairs, though Yanna had to be carried. She said it would be good incentive for her to learn to climb the steps. We spent a long time getting Yanna signed up for classes – which would be starting soon.

Between Joham and the aftermath of the war, she only has the equivalent of a high school education. She's looking forward to taking classes in psychology. She wants to dedicate herself to helping others get over the traumatic events of their lives.

Felicia will start second grade the week after Yanna. She's growing so fast, we thought it best to enroll her a year ahead of her calculated age. She already knows how to read and write, but with her being so new to English, we're afraid it might be difficult for her.

"Maybe this is a good thing. They won't be able to understand her favorite insults and profanity." At Alice's comment, Felicia flipped her off.

"They still understand sign language, bit..."

"Enough!" Jasper cut her off. "You will _not_ call my wife those names! You are no longer a Volturi sewer rat, and you will behave as a proper young lady should, or I will personally introduce you to the woodshed. And just in case that's not in your vernacular, let me make myself clear. I will turn you over my knee and whup your behind until you cannot sit down." He didn't raise his voice, but his southern lilt came out so strong we all knew he meant every word.

I was waiting for her to make some sort of comment about how she might like the kinky stuff, but instead she stared at him with wide eyes. Her bottom lip trembled and two tears leaked from her eyes. She raced across the room and landed in his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"I'm sorry! I'll be good, please don't send me away!" She buried her face against his chest as he held her. He looked at us in bewilderment, and patted her back.

"Hush darlin', no one's going to send you away."

Even with her face muffled against him, we could still hear her "I love you," which shocked us all. It was so quiet, when Yanna took my hand.

"I know how she feels." She looked from me to Carlisle. "I love you too. You've given us a place to belong, with a home and a family." She looked at each of us and smiled. "You cared about us when no one else did. You've forgiven us for our mistakes, and you care about our futures. I love this family." Her eyes glistened with tears, and they were wet on my cheeks when I hugged her. It was a precious moment, and it felt like the pieces of our new life were clicking into place.

It's much later, as Carlisle closes the door to our suite, he takes me in his arms and kisses me gently. "How does it feel to be home?"

"Anywhere you are is home to me. But this feels good. I should have some gray in my hair after all it took to get here." I smile up at him. "It's not the way I planned for my life to work out, but I'm happy."

He gazes at me, with a soft smile teasing his lips. "I'm happy too." He caresses my face with his gentle fingers. "You amaze me. No matter what's thrown at you, you rise to meet it."

"That's not true at all. You didn't see me when I thought I'd lost you." It hurts just to think about being without him.

He looks irritated for a moment. "Bella, I'm not your whole life, and I don't want to be." His face softens. "Your grief terrifies me. I never want to cause you pain like that, but it could happen. None of us have any real guarantee that we're here forever. I'll be honest, there's a part of me that hopes we're _not._ I hope to see my God some day."

"Up in Heaven with Esme?" I don't mean to say the words; I don't begrudge her. He winces.

"Bella, hasn't this day shown you anything?" He pulls me tight against him. "Love doesn't put those kinds of restrictions on us. The God I know and love wouldn't force me to choose who I love the most, so I could say goodbye to all the rest. Our circumstances may change, our lives go in different directions, and we sometimes lose people. But love always wins out. It's the one thing that stays constant – at least if it's real. All the changes in our family should show you that."

"You're right, I'm sorry." I just want him to hold me.

"It's not about being right." He sighs deeply. "I just want you to know that I love you. But if something were to ever happen to me, I don't want you to give up. I want you to go on living your life. And if someone else were to come along, I'd want you to open up and love them. Love is a gift darling, and we should never turn our backs on it because it's not exactly what we expected."

I kiss him. I want to keep on kissing him, but I need to tell him how I feel. "I understand – really I do. No one is more delighted by this surprising connection between us than I am." My eyes meet his. "But I need _you _to understand _my _side. You say love is a gift, and I believe you. But love doesn't come by itself. The first time it came with Edward... and maybe you're right and I was a bit too obsessed with him. But it was the very first time I'd ever felt it, and it was _powerful_!"

His eyes glance away at my declaration, and I run my fingers lovingly through his hair. "What I feel for you is no less powerful. I think it's how I'm wired. It's like I don't just fall in love, I put my whole heart and soul into his hands – and into your hands. Edward broke my heart the first time he left me. He didn't realize that the only real way he could truly protect me was to keep safe what I'd given him. When he died, I fell out of his hands and broke." I chew my lip.

"Carlisle, I know it's crazy to put so much of myself into someone else's hands. I know I'm too trusting, and I know it's a little childish to expect someone else to cherish me and hold me dear. But I hold you that close, and that dear. If I lost you, someone else would have to be... tenacious, loving, patient, kind, and determined to force my hands open, or I would never let you go – even if you were gone. You did that for me. To be honest, I wouldn't want someone who didn't love me enough to go that far."

"Bella... I just don't know if I'm worthy of that kind of devotion. I"m not human, but I make human mistakes. Haven't I made mistakes with you already? I'm guaranteed to screw up somewhere along the way. Baby I don't want the power to hurt you."

"I trust you." I feel the conviction of my words. "I know you won't hurt me."

"I already have. Bella, I hit you. I ignored your pain while I was trying to save Volterra by myself. I left you behind in Italy and flew home without an explanation. I kissed Colette, and I was crazy with jealousy that you kissed Aro. I made you watch my execution, and I forgot you. And while I was unavailable, you were almost raped. Maybe you shouldn't trust me."

"Do you love me?"

"Of course I do, but that's not the point."

"That's exactly the point. You love me, and you're not going to leave me. I trust _that._ I know we'll make mistakes. I know we'll argue and fuss at each other. But there's no one who loves you more than I do. Do you feel that way about me?"

He groans and pulls me tight against him. "I love you more than my own life." His words are softly murmured against my hair. "I don't just love you, I _need _you Bella. I crave you... I want to drown in you... don't ever let me go."

His words, his hands, his sweet sweet kisses, and the love I feel for him all conspire to take me to a place of raw, lustful, aching for him. The knock on our suite door makes me snarl low in my throat. I've decided to ignore it when he reluctantly pulls away.

Alice's eyes miss nothing. "Oops, I did it again, didn't I?"

"I thought you could see the future," I quipped.

"What is it Alice?" Carlisle is the picture of patience as he sits on the loveseat and points to one of the chairs for her to sit. Instead she paces – just like he does when he's upset.

"Jasper come in here, I'm not doing this alone." He steps into the room like a kid on the first day of school.

"I'm sorry for the interruption. But my wife didn't think this could wait, and I agree with her." He takes a seat beside her and their fingers lace together. I take the seat beside Carlisle, and feel his arm around me.

"It's about Felicia..." she blurts, then glances between Jasper and Carlisle. "I... we... " She sputters to a stop. I've never seen Alice speechless.

"We want to adopt her." Jasper's soft drawl cuts the silence. "We understand if you two want to raise her, but she's got about seven more years before she'll be mature. She needs parents, not just a family. We want her."

"She has parents. You know you can't legally adopt her," Carlisle patiently explains.

"We know that," Alice pipes up. "But we want her to be our child – in all the ways that matter." She looks at the both of us and Jasper kisses her hand. "I know you two made all the arrangements and got her out of Volterra, and if the money is an issue..."

"You know it's not." Carlisle cuts her off.

"I know. But we've spent the last couple weeks with her, and... I love that little brat!" Jasper snickers at her words. "I'm never going to be a mother of my own babies, and I really don't care about that. But I want _this _one. Sometimes in the mornings I find myself sitting by her bed, just waiting for her to wake up. She's irrepressible and unpredictable, and fun! She's like this little light that has exploded in my world, and I just love her to pieces."

"We don't want to take her away or anything like that," Jasper continues. "But we want to be her mother and father. We want her to stay with us. We want to take full responsibility for her – teach her right from wrong and everything else she needs to know."

"You sound like you've thought this through." Carlisle's voice is solemn as he looks from the two of them to me. "Bella, what do you think?"

"I like Felicia a lot. But it's been crazy the past couple weeks, and I haven't had the time to bond with her." I smile at Alice and Jasper. "She's been staying with you two. You're the ones who make sure she eats, brushes her teeth, takes a bath, and doesn't cuss anyone out. If you haven't run for the hills yet, who am I to stand in your way. But..." Three sets of eyes look my way.

"That little girl doesn't do anything she doesn't want to. She may have met her match in you two, but you can't just spring this on her as a done deal. If she's going to be a Whitlock instead of a Cullen, you better consult her on it first."

"Absolutely!" Alice bounces in her chair as if she's spring loaded and ready to pop. "Carlisle, will you back us?"

"On one condition." Her eyes widen and she leans forward. "I think you two will make great parents – but don't spoil the girl."

"We won't. Oh my god, Jasper – we're going to be parents!" She squeals and throws her arms around him excitedly. I don't think they could look any happier if they were expecting their own baby. "Um... we'll let you get back to whatever you were doing." They stand and she pulls him excitedly toward the door. "Let's go _daddy!"_

Alone again we sit and stare at each other. "I didn't see that one coming. Are you sure you're not disappointed that she won't be _your _daughter?" His question surprises me.

"I think I did see it coming, at least a little bit. Alice seems to have stepped right into mothering Felicia in a way I wouldn't have expected. I think they'll be really good for each other. I do feel a little sorry for Jasper though." I snuggle up against his side.

He holds me and kisses my cheek. "Why do you say that?" He sounds so concerned I have to smile.

"He's an empath now with _two _headstrong females to contend with on a regular basis."

Carlisle groans. "Do you think we made the right decision? We could have kept her – maybe adopted her ourselves."

"If she goes along with it, I think it's perfect. I know Alice would be better at keeping up with her than I would. And Jasper is so tender with her. They're definitely not kids anymore. We'll have to set up some boundaries, since I'm sure Felicia will get real good at getting her own way if we don't."

"You're pretty smart where kids are concerned." He kisses my lips

"I had a little bit of practice. I also remember how it was being the child of divorced parents. It would have been easy to play them against each other."

"I love you." His words stop my train of thought. "I want to make love to you..." He leans into me and kisses me with a hunger that takes my breath away. "_Now!_" We shed clothes on the way from the sitting room to our private bedroom.

"Thank you Rosalie," I whisper as we tumble onto the bed, struggling to free one another from entangling clothes. I hear fabric tear; the signal that we've passed needy and are on the way to desperate. His body covers mine and his lips possess my mouth. Neither of us are completely naked, but I don't care as I feel him slide hard need against my sensitive skin. I gasp and spread myself for him, and he claims me hard and fast.

I cry out as he drives into me – owning me. I love the way we crash together, as the bed cushions and recoils to his every thrust. Love this man! I gasp and whimper as he pushes me to the precipice of bliss and keeps me there just feeling the way our bodies move together and thrill to one another.

"I want to hear you baby, I love your voice when we make love." His eyes meet mine and his voice is deep and throaty. Then he leans in close to me and whispers in my ear. "Do you like it when I fuck you?"

"Oh my god –yes!" I can't believe that one word falling from his chivalrous lips, can set me off like it does. I feel like I've enticed him to cross a barrier he never would have without me. "Don't stop , please don't stop – I love what you do to me!" I allow myself lose control of the volume of my voice. He rewards me with his wonderful hip movements, which drive me crazy. "Carlisle please... it feels so good!"

He has so easily mastered me, keeping me just on the edge of release as he thoroughly indulges my body. I praise him with my words and the sounds I make I love the way he looks at me, in awe and wonder, with his mouth open and his eyes fixed on me. I could lose myself in his eyes, if I wasn't already lost in his fabulous body.

He shifts, pressing his hard body against mine as he moves his hips alone in a frenzied pace that rubs against my most sensitive spot. I gasp and scream as my body finds it's fulfillment. He kisses me, and holds me tight as another surge takes me. I feel like one raw nerve, and he continues to tease me, stroke me, and make me cry out and push against him.

His restraint is making me wild. I want to feel him – _see _him when he can finally take no more. When it happens, he cries out like I've never heard before. Raw, guttural, inarticulate satisfaction tears from his throat. I watch his neck stiffen as he freezes for just a moment, completely overcome. He carries me with him, once again making me gasp and cry out.

I wrap myself around him to hold him as close as possible, just savoring the sweet connection. I feel his breath against my neck, his chest pressed against mine, his arms around me, and the slackening bridge between us.

"I love you," we both murmur together, then he laughs softly. "I think you're a bad influence on me. I never used to use profanity. My mother would have washed my mouth out with lye soap, and my father would have beaten me."

"It's not profanity when you say it." I kiss his ear.

"Just what is it then?" His voice is soft and playful.

"Endearing." I have to laugh when he pulls back to gaze at me, with a look of curiosity on his precious face.

"How so?"

I pull his face to mine and kiss his lips. With my legs still around him, I give a gentle hip thrust, and he moans. "It shows you understand me. I love your gentleness. But I also love that you don't hold back with me. You give me everything, even if it's new and unfamiliar to you. I love that – I _want _that."

"I really love that about you Bella. You're so unrestrained." He kisses me. "Esme was so...oh I'm sorry. I keep forgetting there are certain times when I shouldn't share."

"It's okay. I want you to share." What I don't want is his movement, and the way he pulls away from me. He collapses onto his back, and then pulls me atop his chest.

"I love looking at you... you're so pretty." I laugh in embarrassment. "I mean you're beautiful." He holds me close and kisses me. He looks at me for long moments, as his hands travel over my back. "I had no idea it could be this good." His face looks so serious. "I mean I never even thought that making love could be more than just loving and gentle." He laughs self-consciously. "I thought sex and lovemaking were two separate things." He looks thoughtful.

"I used to think that what I did while I was human was merely sex. It was fornication for the sake of physical pleasure. I never felt any connection to the women I bedded. It was all about physical gratification."

"It sounds like fun. I think I'm jealous." I smile down at him teasingly.

"No, it wasn't... I mean it _was_ fun. But it was empty. It was nothing you should feel jealous about. It was merely something to do. I would have called it by that word. I never knew it could mean anything more, until you showed me..."

"I like challenging your old-fashioned notions."

"That's what I'm trying to say. I am old-fashioned. But you're giving me a new take on life I never expected." He grins. "I never would have been so _noisy _before." His smile falters. "Esme was always so quiet. I mean we can't hide from vampire hearing, but she tried. Even on the island she was quiet, and I learned not to talk or make noise myself. I think it went back to the time she spent married to her abusive husband." He looks thoughtful. "It's funny that I never felt I could talk to her about it."

"I'm not afraid to talk about making love. You're really good at it." I chew my lip as I look down on his disbelieving face. I run my fingers through his hair. "I mean _really _good."

"How would you know? You've only had one other partner."

"Hmm, maybe you're right. But I know how you make me feel... mmm... you're _so _good. Sometimes I just feel like I'm going to scream."

"That' good?" His fingers play over my body, waking up all my senses and making them crazy. "Maybe I'll have to see if I can make you scream."

He can.

I greet the dawn spent and naked in his arms. I feel almost guilty we made love all night long. I have such a sense of belonging with him, and as we climb into the shower together, I'm amazed again that it's _him._ He's the same man I thought of as a father-in-law for all those years. And now he's my lover and husband.

He's the one sliding soapy hands over me, and making me gasp. I can't get enough of his beautiful face as we kiss. It's his body I crave as he lifts me and impales me in the steady hot stream of the shower. I love this man. "Carlisle!" I cry out as we become one all over again.

The sun is fully risen and the morning is underway when we finally dress for the day. I try not to look his way, as I pull out comfortable clothes to wear today. Again I'm grateful to Rosalie for moving our clothes into our new room. It seems odd going about such a normal task with him in the room with me.

I finally look at him. We're both in our underwear, and it's as if he can feel my gaze, and he turns my way. I smile. It's one of those moments where human Bella would have blushed. As much as we've shared of each other physically, we have yet to do the morning routine together. It's real, and somehow intimate. He comes to me slow and sexy, effortlessly making his white boxers and T-shirt look hot. He kisses me so gently, I just want to fling myself into his arms and cover him with kisses.

"It seems counterproductive to put clothes on that body." His lips travel to my ear. "I love you so much."

I back away from him with a smile. "Oh no you don't. I know that look."

"What look?" He grins mischievously.

"_That _look. The look that tells me you want to make love – again." I take a few more steps backward.

"You're the one who said you wanted to be naked forever. Have you changed your mind so soon my love?" He goes from predator to innocent little boy in the blink of an eye.

"You know..." I observe as I take two more retreating steps. "... it's a real good thing you decided never to feed from humans. I really don't think there's anyone who could resist that look."

"You seem to be doing a good job of it." He again fixes me with his wide-eyed golden gaze as he steps forward.

"_I _have already been satisfied and satiated more times than I can count. Don't we have a lot to do today?" I back into the bed and he pounces.

"We have a _lot _to do today, _after _breakfast." His words come with the rending of my bra and his mouth making a meal out of me. Even though we're next to a perfectly good bed, he takes me on the floor. I don't ever want to get used to the way he so easily bends my will to his. Even after making love all night and half the morning, I still _need _him. Even though we're on the floor, his gentleness is a perfect counterbalance, and we make love slowly, completely at ease with one another.

It's times like this I really wish he could read my mind. Not because he's missing something, but because I want to share the way he makes me feel. I try to tell him, but the words are just so inadequate.

"I love you," I sigh. He rests atop me after completely making me his, and pleasing me more than I can contain. "I love the way you make love with me." I sift my fingers through his hair, which still isn't quite dry. "I love looking at you when you're _in _me... you look like you're so overcome with every happy feeling you've ever had. It thrills me that I can make you feel that way." He kisses me, with his tongue teasing mine and exploring my mouth.

"I love the way you fill me." He makes me gasp with a grind of his hips against me. He's still filling me in the way I love after our release. "I love the way we fit together, and I love the way you respond to all the cues of my body. You know when to go hard and fast, and you can sense when I need slow and gentle."

"Shh Bella..." He kisses me softly – thoroughly. "... you're going to push me into 'one more time' if you're not careful. I can do this all day you know." I gasp at the small smile teasing his lips.

"I just want you to know how you make me feel." I pull him close and tuck my chin in the crook of his neck.

"I know how I make you feel. You've been very vocal, which I _love_. But we really do have to start the day." I wrap my legs around his waist to hold him to me just a bit longer.

"I love this part; just lying with you after all the intensity of lovemaking, pleasure, and... orgasms has passed. It's like we're one. I feel so complete like this." We kiss for a long while before he slides out of me and gets up.

"I love you, my beautiful girl." He slips back into his whites as I get up and dig in the dresser for another bra. "Don't wear that." He comes up behind me and his hands glide around me, cupping me. "I love touching you here. You don't need a bra; you're firm and perfect, and they're never going to sag. Go without …. just for today." His lips on my neck make me sigh. He's not asking for much, and I'll do anything for him. I find a top that won't expose me.

He wears his typical Carlisle uniform, and I stop to consider his clothes. "Don't you have anything more casual? I mean you're not at work, do you really need the tie?" He watches me as I loosen and remove the fabric swatch, which coordinates with his peach shirt. I unbutton the top two buttons, then un-tuck the shirt.

"Bella, if you're trying to undress me..." He grins.

"I'm not. I just think you could use a softer look – for when you're at home. I bet you'd look hot in jeans." His arms capture me and hold me tight.

"I bet you'd look hot _out _of your jeans." I giggle as he kisses me.

"That's far enough! We have things to do today." I wiggle free of his hands, which have slipped up the back of my shirt to caress my bare back.

"I'm not sure I'm used to this _responsible Bella_. I thought that was my job." He leans against the dresser with his ankles crossed looking so good.

"Well now that we're together, I guess we need to share." I smile as I impatiently brush the tangles from my hair. He's quick, and he comes up behind me to slide his hands under my shirt, again caressing my bra-less skin.

"I like sharing." His voice in my ear makes me catch my breath

"Carlisle please..." He trails kisses from my ear to my shoulder. The not so discreet knock on the door interrupts us, and stops what would surely be another 'one more time.'

"Come on you two, we're not going to wait around all day while you notch the bedpost!" Rosalie is back to her old blunt self it seems. We pull away from each other and I straighten my clothes before we open the door. She's standing in the hall with her arms crossed. "I thought we were going to have to turn the hose on you two!"

I gape at the idea. She grins and comes between us, putting an arm around each of us. "I think I owe you that much, after all the teasing I took when Emmett and I would... play."

I stop and meet her eyes. "It doesn't bother you to talk about him like that?"

"It used to, but not anymore. I'm really happy with Garrett. He understood all the mess I had to get over, because he had the same with Kate." She smiles and continues to lead us down the hall. "Besides, do you know how much Em would _love _being remembered for his insatiable sexual appetite?" She glances meaningfully at Carlisle.

"Did you just compare my sex drive to Emmett?" He looks surprised – and pleased.

"Didn't you even notice I bought you the quietest bed I could find – for all the good it did me." She rolls her eyes, then puts a finger to her lips. "Shh, we've been telling Felicia you've been in there playing games, like Twister and Charades.

"Somehow Blondie here thinks I'm stupid." Felicia faces us with her little fists on her hips. "I know the sound of sex when I hear it. But damn, I'm not old enough to have my own life-sized Ken doll, so the least you could do is keep it down so I can sleep and dream about the future!" I don't know whether to be shocked or laugh.

Jasper crosses the room and scoops up the little munchkin. "What did I tell you about your language, young lady?" She looks momentarily ashamed, then he playfully tugs on a pigtail with a smile. "Why don't you go play for a bit and let the adults talk?" He kisses her cheek, and she hugs him tight before he puts her down. She scampers off in the most childish way I've ever seen her behave. Rosalie follows after her.

Jasper faces us and meets our eyes. I can see the smile playing peek-a-boo with his face. "You two... I just don't know what to say. It's a good thing no one else is as sensitive to your amorous predilections as I am. My dear Alice thinks I was merely excited to be home and alone with her." He grins at Carlisle and punches his arm. "I guess she can teach an old dog new tricks."

I'm waiting for Carlisle to come up with something clever to put him in his place. Instead he just stands there with a secretive half-smile on his face and says nothing. Jasper looks as if he's waiting for some kind of come-back as well, but then he clears his throat awkwardly.

"We've all gathered in the den for a family meeting. We've got a lot of catching up to do, and plans to make." Jasper turns to go, and Carlisle stops him.

"We'll be there in just a few minutes, I've got something I want to show Bella." Without a word, he leads me to the front door. Once outside I follow him through the trees, as he heads toward the still unfinished garage. I wonder what he has in mind.

Inside the large structure he looks around at the nearly finished walls and the high roof. I see the smile is back. "What do you see when you look up?" He asks.

"A roof and support beams, why?" He nods and wanders past the cars already parked there.

"What if we put a ceiling in here, and then finished the space above it, maybe raise the roof a little more... we could turn it into a really nice suite... we'd have to add a bathroom... plumbing... stairs... maybe a deck. I think it could be really nice."

"Who do you want to have staying in the garage?" I'm wondering if maybe he's thinking about a separate apartment for one of the new additions to our family.

"Us." He catches me in the circle of his arms and kisses me. "I'm thinking about a suite for us. A place away from the house where we could be alone... and make love... and make _noise_. I don't want to make love to you in silence. But I don't want to have to explain myself to everyone else either." Even as the idea percolates in my mind, his hand slides under my top and caresses me.

"Carlisle _please_!" He grins as his teasing hand retreats.

"You're so responsive to me, and it's very hard to resist. I'm going to make love to you _a lot _Missus Cullen, so..." He looks up at the beams, and my eyes follow his.

"How about a garden tub in that bathroom – and a rain shower?" I smile. "I like to see you wet." He kisses me so fiercely he backs me against one of the cars. I don't want to let him go when he pulls away.

"Would you let me make love to you right now – with everyone waiting inside for us?" At my nod he groans. "You're not just spoiling me, you're _ruining _me. I _love _it!" He kisses me again, cradling my face in his palms. "I love _you." _In spite of the threat to make love, he leads me back inside.

I'm surprised to see we have company, and I leave Carlisle's side to rush over to him. Eleazar backs away from the expected hug, instead taking my hands in his.

"It's good to see you again, Bella. I'm sorry I didn't hug you, but I still have some healing to do." I look him over, and he looks fully healed to me. His face is still handsome, and his hands holding mine are strong and whole. His hair is gone, but for a short stubble covering his scalp. It's a brutal reminder that he was burned beyond recognition.

He smiles as he lets go of my hands to rub his scalp. "It's probably going to take a while for this to grow back." He shakes Carlisle's hand as he comes to stand beside me. They meet and regard each other eye to eye like old friends. "I hear that you and Senorita Bella are a couple now. I'm very happy for you both." He doesn't say it, but I almost feel his thoughts go to Esme and Edward. "I was so worried about her. I'm glad she found a good man to bring her out of mourning."

I'm struck by the whiteness of his smile, then it hits me – he's _smiling_! This isn't the face of a man who tried to kill himself not so long ago. Even as the thought hits me, I watch his gaze leave Carlisle and cross the room. His eyes fasten on Colette where she sits with Gemma, deep in conversation. My jaw drops. I don't need to have Edward's ability to see he's in love with her. Even as I watch, she looks up at us, and he turns away quickly.

She leaps up and runs to us. "Carlisle!" She wraps him in her arms and kisses both cheeks, even as he clutches my hand. "Bella." She nods a greeting to me, still with her arm around Carlilse, pressed against his side. I watch Eleazar's face wither as he turns away. She either doesn't know or doesn't care about his feelings!

She turns all her attention on Carlisle, and I have a strong urge to rip her hair out as she clearly ignores me. "We went to the house in Forks when Gemma began to have trouble. I knew you wouldn't mind." She beams up at him. "It was the perfect place for Eleazar to be so he wouldn't be in harms way. It's so lovely there."

"Esme made it beautiful." He extricates himself from her, and sits in one of the chairs. I hear her gasp as he pulls me down onto his lap, clearly staking his claim. "You're welcome to use the house anytime. It used to be too painful to think about living there again. But I've got a better outlook now." His arms circle my waist, and he kisses my neck. She just stares.

Her brows draw together. "It's true? You two are a couple? That is just so... odd. You have nothing in common... she can't give you..."

He cuts her off. "She gives me everything I want. Be happy for me Colette, I'm very much in love." She trembles as his words settle over her. I feel horrible at the sound of pain that leaves her as she turns to race from the room and the house. I almost get up to follow her, but Eleazar is behind her in an instant.

"Wow, that was uncomfortable." Alice comes over and perches on the arm of the chair. Her grin makes me wonder what she sees that the rest of us can't. "You do know we're gong to have to get a start on those wedding plans, right? I was thinking May, when everything's thawed out. I'd go for June, but that's just so cliché."

The rest of the afternoon goes into making plans for what we'll be doing now that we're all back from Volterra. Carlisle talks about either starting a private practice, or getting a position at the local hospital. Surprisingly Jasper endorses his private practice idea, as he really wants to become a practicing psychiatrist. They start making plans to open an office together. Alice doesn't mention what she'll be doing, but she holds Felicia on her lap in such a motherly way, it's clear she wants to take time away from school and any career choices to fully enjoy her one shot at motherhood.

Gemma speaks up in Italian and broken English, and we all listen. "I am sorry for my... actions yesterday. I was not myself." Nahuel sits beside her, holding her hand. "I have had a chance to talk to those I knew in Volterra." She shakes her head sadly. "Angelo helped me to remember. The memories are horrible and painful. But the others tell me I am _strong._ I remember being brave, and I remember being a hero. I will not let pain and Joham's evil define me. I will make my family proud." Nahuel and Huilen both hold her, and she holds little Karina.

"There is nothing for them in Romania. They stayed there because they were afraid of leaving. They want to come and visit us here. They will visit Volterra as well, and decide where they would like to make their home." She smiles. "I will get my daughter Carolina back." She looks momentarily confused. "She is Colette's half sister. We will have to decide how I can spend time with my son Christiano. His father loves him dearly and he's been with him all this time." She smiles and kisses Nahuel.

"We have discussed our plans, and we want to be here. We want a family not a coven, and _this _is a family. We want this to be our home. Nahuel and Huilen will go to college first, then in four years I will go. We want to contribute. We have grown attached to you all, and we want our children to have you as family."

"We would like that very much." Carlisle speaks for us all, and I see nods of agreement.

"I want to stay too." Yanna has been so quiet since we arrived. I'd wondered if she was having second thoughts, or if she was just overwhelmed with all the changes. She smiles at me and Carlisle. "I love you two. You're my new Mama and Papa – even though I'm too old to adopt. Colette is wrong; you have so much in common, and you belong together." She smiles brightly. "I _will _dance at your wedding!"

Rosalie speaks up. "We want to stay at least that long." She looks pointedly at Carlisle. "While we're all gushing... I have never told you how much I love you. You saved my life, and I gave you grief for it for so many years. I could have lost you in the war, and you never would have known how much I really appreciated the gift you've given me." She looks at Garrett sitting beside her. "It's time for me to stop behaving like a spoiled child. My new husband doesn't honor my childish behavior."

"I want a wife, not a teenage daughter or a mother." Garrett kisses her. "Isn't she adorable?" His smile is irrepressible. "I love this woman. If she wants to remain here as part of this family, I hope you will accept me too."

We all look up as the front door opens. Eleazar comes in looking somewhat embarrassed. He's holding Colette's hand, and he guides her along. She looks at the floor as they come in and sit down . He doesn't release her hand, as he pulls her down beside him. I notice a few leaves clinging to the back of her hair and shirt, and I hope they haven't fought.

"I want to thank you for letting me use the house in Forks." He's clearly talking to Carlisle. "I'm still not completely healed. Colette has healed the burns, but there are some weaknesses I believe will fade gradually." He looks at her, softly touching her cheek. "She's a marvel. I would have died without her, and I would have been happy to die." She doesn't look up. "I've never seen anyone as selfless as she is. I know how much I suffered. It is like the pain of our conversion made real in the flesh. I was an idiot to do what I did!"

He caresses her soft brown cheek. "She healed me. She took on every burn, every pain, and ever scar. Night and day she worked to mend me. When she took on too much I listened to her scream my screams of agony. Still she didn't quit. I told her to stop – that I wasn't worth it. She insisted I was, and promised that she would make me well.

"I had no choice but to allow her to minister to me. My legs were gone, and I couldn't even run away. She held me when I cried, and she soothed me when I mourned my losses. She felt my every pain, and when the memories poured out of me, she comforted me." He turns her face up to his and meets her eyes. "You are precious to me. I love you Colette. Would you break my heart with your futile devotion to Carlisle? You cannot possibly share the kind of love with him you gave to me." With his thumb he wipes away a tear sliding down her cheek.

We're all holding our breath, and she jumps up and runs to her room. I see the look of pain cross his face as he takes his turn looking at the floor. I look around our gathered group, wondering who will be the one to go after her. Gemma holds her baby tight, Huilen doesn't seem to be moved. I remember she's a bit afraid of Alice. Rosalie meets my eyes. She knows her better, but she nods my way.

"You go. She'll listen to you, even if she doesn't want to hear it." I sigh and get up. Carlisle pats my hand encouragingly. I walk down the hall, and I can hear her crying even before I open her door.

"Go away, I don't want you here!" I close the door behind me and take a seat on the edge of her bed.

"That seems to be the whole crux of your problem doesn't it? That I'm here and Carlisle wants me here." She's lying face down on her bed, and I hear her crying louder.

"I hate you! You don't deserve him!"

"I know." I acknowledge her accusation. "But I'm not going away. I love him, and we're happy together."

"He should be mine! He was promised to me!"

"Is that what this is all about? All this time and you're still trying to live out your father's plan. How can you see what you've seen and still want to follow his lead? He was a madman and a monster, and everything he touched he ruined! Everyone in that room has been hurt by him – _everyone_! That includes Carlisle. Your father is responsible for his wife's death. How can you even think to fulfill his promise with that knowledge?"

She turns over and sits up to glare at me. "He was my _father_! My life is supposed to go according to his plan. He promised me... he told me I would only have to suffer until after the war. He promised I would have a husband and a family of my own. He told me I could have other children!"

Her hand flies to her mouth as she realizes what she's said. Her eyes are enormous as they flood with tears. Her trembling turns to uncontrolled hiccuping sobs. I move to put my arm around her and she doesn't seem to notice.

"I wasn't supposed to tell! Never ever... oh my god!" She turns and clings to me as she cries. I try to sooth her, but I don't have a clue what she's talking about. She pulls away, and stares into space.

"My father raped me too." I hope I've misheard her whisper, but I know I haven't. "He made me pregnant two times. He wouldn't let me keep my babies. He told me if I didn't do everything he told me to do, he would kill them. They didn't come to Volterra with us, but he always told me he could give the orders and they would be killed. I always wondered if one of my older half sisters would do it. He could make anyone do anything. He couldn't charm me because I was his child, but I did everything he told me, because he had my babies.

"I healed the mothers when their bones were broken, and I watched them die during their delivery. I was in constant pain from so many injuries. I healed the first Volterra hybrids when they were torn apart. It hurt so much, and I almost lost them. It may have been kinder if I had, but I knew my own children were at risk. I healed the prisoners after he tortured them. I was the one who healed Yanna when he drank from her, or she would have died. I healed Gemma after the werewolf attacked her. I was supposed to save her baby... but what she gave birth to was an abomination. It was part wolf and part human. I let it die.

"I suffered at my father's hands. It was only when Carlisle came that I knew my suffering was over. It was like a sign from heaven that he was supposed to be mine! How could you take him from me?"

"I tried to tell you, we don't get to choose whom we love. I love Carlisle. I would do anything for him. I would move mountains to be with him. Do you really feel like that about him?"

She wipes her tears. "We would be good together – we're both healers..."

"Do you _love _him? Do you dream of holding him? Do you want to see his face every day for as long as you live? Would you do anything it takes to make him happy? Do you love him?"

"I could make him happy."

"Answer my question – do you love him?" She exasperates me, and I stand up to pace. "Never mind. You don't have to say it, I know you don't love him." I sit back down and meet her eyes. "Carlisle is a wonderful man. He's easy to like, since he's good, kind, funny, handsome, wise, compassionate, and sexy. I understand you might want that in your life. But none of that matters without love. _I _love him Colette. I won't let anyone take him away from me."

"I know." Her voice is small. "I will leave and go away."

"That's not necessary. Do you really think there's a price for you to stay here? Just because you're not his mate doesn't mean you have to leave."

"There's _always _a price." I've never heard her sound so cynical before. "There is no happiness without sacrifice. There is no peace without payment. If I had his babies, he would have to let me stay. I will go, and not bother you." She looks so sad and resigned.

"Wait a minute. That's not how this family works. We don't rescind a welcome once it's given. Just because you can't have Carlisle doesn't mean you lose your home and your life here."

"But I have no purpose."

"You don't need a purpose to have a place. Besides, you've been a valuable healer. Eleazar would have died without you." Even through her tears she smiles.

"He's a good man. I'm glad I could help." She looks at her hands.

"Tell me about him." She looks up at me and I can see her blush even through her brown skin.

"He... he's been so kind to me. He didn't want me to heal him when he found out I could feel his pain. He told me I was beautiful." She stares at her hands.

"How do you feel about him? He says he loves you." I watch her tears drip into her lap.

"He doesn't know the things I've done. I fornicated with my father and had his babies. How can he love me? His Carmen was a saint. He told me of all the good in her. I am not lovable. I am only useful. He is mistaken because I healed him, but it will pass."

"You didn't tell me how you feel about him."

"He kissed me..." Her eyes flick up to mine. "... before we came back. He held me tight and he kissed me for a long time. We were on the ground, kissing and touching, and I... I didn't want to stop." She looks suddenly guilty. "I kissed Carlisle the same way. But Ellie was different, and I really liked it." She looks back down at her hands. "I just wanted to keep kissing him. It made me forget everything I've done. But then we stopped and I remembered."

"Do you think you could love him?" Her eyes look so startled when they meet mine. "You've shared an awful lot. Most married people would have trouble staying together after going through what you've been through together. I've seen strong bonds form for less."

"I don't _know_!" She looks so upset. "I don't know if I can love anyone! Ellie is special, and he deserves someone better than me."

"Shouldn't I be the judge of that?" He leans in the doorway, and she stares at him with wide eyes. "You should know vampire hearing is pretty strong, and I've heard almost everything. Bella, do you mind giving us a little privacy?" Colette looks horrified as I get up to leave and he takes my place. I close the door behind me as I go back down the hall to Carlisle's waiting arms.

**A/N: I had the chapter finished and ready to post, but the site wouldn't let me sign in - grrr! The same thing happened last week - stupid gremlins! **

**One more chapter to go. I mean it; I don't care if it takes me a hundred pages I'm finishing this! There were just a lot of loose ends to tie up with so many new characters. Maybe it's a flaw of mine that I want it all tied with a bow**.


	37. Chapter 37 Mending

Chapter 37  
>Mending<p>

Eleazar and Colette stay closed away for a couple hours, and the only indication we have of what's happening between them is Jasper's secretive smile. Carlisle thinks we need to give them some privacy, and he leads me out for a walk.

We circle the lake, and I guide him to the eagle's nest he showed me before we went to Volterra. He doesn't remember it, and he's fascinated as he watches the eagles care for their young. I remind him of the conversation we had there.

"I compared us to birds?" His eyebrow twitches up and he laughs. "How in the world did you ever fall for such a novice in the romance department?"

"I love that you're a novice. Even still, compared to me you've got tons of experience. You're also very romantic. You wrote me a sonnet after we were here last time." I smile up at him as his arms come around me.

"Please don't hold it against me, I'm horrible at poetry." I recite the lines from memory and he groans. "Bella, you have to understand, I've lived long enough to see some truly amazing poetry written. That's a pathetic effort."

"I don't care." I twist from his grasp and flounce onto a grassy spot. "I like it because you were moved enough to write it." I look up at him and hug my knees. "I like that you're not a smooth operator. You're old enough to have all kinds of experience, and yet I'm glad you don't. I'd probably feel like I could never measure up."

"Bella..." He drops down beside me on the grass. "...you need to get over that doubt. One thing I've noticed in vampires and humans alike, is we all just want to be loved and accepted for who we are. Most people don't care if you're the smartest or prettiest. It's not about measuring up to some ideal, it's about loving and being loved without reservations."

"That's easy for you to say; you're gorgeous. I mean you could be a model if you were human. How could I not feel intimidated by the kind of women you attract?"

He looks irritated and runs both hands through his hair. "Do you even hear me? I'm not that shallow, Bella. It's a little insulting that you think I'm looking for some perfect ideal. I love you. You're a beautiful woman, but even if you weren't I'd still love you." He takes my hand. "Bella, no one is perfect. I'm sure if we wanted to, we could tear each other down and point out every flaw and weakness. We could make comparisons to people we knew and those we only wish we knew. But I would never do that to someone I love. Because I love you, you're perfect to me."

His words take my breath away. "You're perfect to me too. I'm sorry I have so many insecurities."

"I'm a sappy old man with a faulty memory of the person who matters most to me. You don't have a monopoly on insecurity." He leans back on his elbows with a sigh. "I just don't want you to doubt I love you."

The summer sun turns his hair to a radiant aura and I stare at him. I lean in to kiss him, and his arm holds me tight. I love this man, and our connection isn't just physical. But a strong physical attraction is there, so close to the surface it only takes a kiss to bring it out In seconds our desire ignites, and I just want to get closer to him.

We peel out of our clothes, oblivious to the openness and the sun. I expect to feel him take possession of me, but instead he stops and just looks at me. I feel somewhat self-conscious as his eyes take me in.

"You should always be like this. You're like a wood nymph or the goddess Diana."

"And you are a hopeless romantic." I return his intent gaze. He looks so good with the sun glimmering on his pale skin. I run my hand over his stomach muscles and his low groan sends a thrill through me.

"This hopeless romantic wants to make love to you. Now." He leans into me and I fall back onto the soft grass, looking up at him.

"You haven't had enough? I thought after this morning you'd be satis – oh!" His mouth, his hands, and his body all conspire to drive me beyond caring about how exposed we are. I don't care that we can be seen by anyone passing by, or that we've been at this all night and half the day. I want him, and nothing else matters.

A part of my mind notices the sun easing across the sky. It's aware of the eagles coming and going as they care for their young. But the rest of me is completely caught up in him.

Sometime hours later he rises up on his elbows and looks down at me. "I always want it to be like this with us." He sounds so serious I struggle to sit and he rolls over to let me up.

"Why wouldn't it be like this all the time?" I ask.

He sits beside me with his arm around my waist as his eyes follow the eagle across the sky. "I just know how easy it is to let life pull people in different directions. I told you Esme used to get upset with the way my work interrupted our plans. But that's not the whole story." He glances at me, then looks back at the sky. "I didn't value our time enough."

He's quiet for a moment, and I rub his back and wait for him to go on. "At the time I thought saving a patient's life was more important than spending the evening with her. Maybe it was, but that wasn't always the case. I answered the call for any number of reasons that had little to do with life or death. I was territorial of my office, and I thought it was a good thing that she respected my privacy when I was behind that closed door." He sighs and turns to look me in the eyes. "I was wrong."

He cradles my cheek in his palm. "Bella, I don't want to be like that with you. I don't want you to honor that desire I have to hide away and lose myself in my work. You deserve to be at the top of the list." He shakes his head sadly. "Esme deserved it too, but I didn't give her that consideration. I thought there would always be time to make up for those slights."

I cover his hand with mine. "Do you really think we'd be like that? Here and now I just can't imagine it." I giggle softly. "I can remember doing some pretty interesting things on your office desk." His soft kiss is distracting. I want to pull him to me and challenge his self control again.

His voice is soft as he reflects. "When we were in Italy, it was hard to find time just to be alone. It can get to be like that, even when we're home and our time is our own. It's one of the trade-offs of having a family instead of a coven hierarchy."

"I don't want to lose this." I snuggle against him. "I promise Ill sneak into your office and drag you away to do wicked things with you." I kiss his chin as he laughs.

"I like the sound of that." He holds me close and maneuvers us until I'm on his lap facing him, with my legs wrapped around him. We spend a long time, just kissing and enjoying the closeness.

"Bella..." He rests his forehead against mine. "...what if my memory never comes back? Is this good enough for you?"

"How can you even ask? I love you, and you've been so good to me, even without your memories." I want so much to just hold him tight and kiss away any doubts.

"I just feel so terrible that all those romantic touchstones are gone. I want to be able to remember the first moment I knew I loved you, but I can't. I want to remember what you were wearing when we first kissed, but it's gone. I want to know if you tilted your head to the left or the right, or did we just bump noses. I hate that all those firsts are missing."

"We'll make new firsts. Do you remember the first time you felt love for me after your memory loss?"

He considers the question a moment. "I think it was right about the time I hit rock bottom. After the council meeting when it felt like everything I'd done for the past two years was a waste of time." He grins. "You sat with me just like this, and told me that story of your childhood. I just knew I'd have to be a complete idiot if I didn't love you. I knew you had me."

"Then that's it. That's the first moment you knew you loved me. The first time we kissed I was wearing Esme's clothes, and they were a mess from the hurricane. And we didn't bump noses. In fact, it was really nice. It just felt natural."

"The first time I remember kissing you was outside of Volterra. I was shocked that you'd allow it, and even more so that you opened your mouth. That was so enticing." His arms tighten around me, and we kiss. I unconsciously tilt my head to the right. When we pull apart he smiles. "No nose bumping. I love how you kiss."

"I love how you do everything." I slide my hands over his skin. "I'm not going to let this change. I'm always going to want to be alone with you – preferably naked."

He groans, and again rests his forehead against mine. "I hate to say it, but we probably need to get back home and make sure there aren't any more emergencies to attend to. We do still have quite a few things to decide about the future."

"I like the sound of that word. Future." I smile as we both get up and start dressing. When we're ready to head back, we hold each other, taking every last moment to be alone.

"I love you," he says as his fingers work their way through the tangles of my hair. "Did I tell you how much I appreciate not needing a bed to make love to you? Not that I would ever get rid of the bed, but there are so many more options."

"Any time anywhere baby." I giggle at the way he squeezes his eyes shut and groans.

xoxoxo

As soon as things quiet down after our homecoming, I go to visit Ness. I go alone so she won't have to deal with seeing Carlisle and me together. It's a nice visit, and she does apologize for her negative comments. Neither of us brings up the idea of Carlisle and I being married. I feel like I"m taking the coward's way out, but I just don't want to argue with my daughter. I've had enough of fighting and drama, and I just want to play with my grandchildren and enjoy my daughter.

From there I go to see Dad. He's a lot more enthusiastic about my relationship with Carlisle than Ness. In fact he's pretty proud that I've "landed" a doctor. I cook him dinner as we talk about our trip to Italy. He's almost as good as Ness at tiptoeing around the major events in my life. I do tell him about the new additions to our family, and he wants to know if there's any biology involved in our relation to Yanna.

"No." I sit at the table as he eats, and he doesn't even question that I don't join him. "You realize Ness is mine, right." It feels good to finally lay verbal claim to my daughter, even now that she's all grown up." He takes a swallow of beer from the can and meets my eyes.

"I've always known she was yours – yours and Edward's." The corner of his mouth turns up. "I don't know why I was so eager to keep it a secret from myself for so long. I love those kids – you've done me proud."

"Do you want to hear the rest of it?" I ask.

"Maybe I need a few more of these." He finishes off his beer.

"It's up to you, dad." I wait as he carries his plate to the sink.

He takes his service revolver from where it's stored and sits. I've seen this routine before. He wants to talk, but he doesn't like to just sit and listen. If he can't have the TV on in the background, he'll find something else to do with his hands. He'll organize his tackle box, clean and shine his badge, or polish his shoes while he listens.

"Go ahead." While he takes the gun apart and cleans it, I go into all the details of what his little girl has become. He's his usual quiet self, but I know he's listening. He doesn't ask questions, and I finally run out of details.

"So, you're all vampires," he snorts. "You know, there's a big part of me that wants to laugh and look for a hidden camera. But I guess I've known all along that there was just something that set the Cullens apart from everyone else. No wonder Billy wouldn't talk about it." I haven't even mentioned the wolves.

"Do you have any questions?" I chew my lip as he tidies up the table.

"If I shot on of them with this, what would happen?" He points the gun at the floor and looks down the sights.

"I'm not really sure, Dad. It probably wouldn't penetrate, and it might bounce off and hit someone else. They – we're very hard to kill."

He exhales loudly. "I guess that's good to know." His eyes meet mine across the table. "You're still _you,_ right? I mean you're not creeping through the night hunting babies or anything?"

I laugh at the image. "No Dad, I'm still the same. I've never killed anyone, and neither has Carlisle."

"But some of the others have, am I right?"

"Before they knew any better..."

"Damn!" His brows draw together and the chair scrapes against the floor as he gets up in a hurry. "You see, that's the reason I didn't want to know all this crap! Once I know for sure, I feel like I should _do _something about it." He pounds the table for emphasis.

"You can't do anything about it, Dad. No one really can – no one living that is. For a long time, we weren't allowed to tell anyone."

"So what's changed? It's got something to do with what happened two years ago, doesn't it?"

"Yes." It takes two more hours to explain about the war and its aftermath.

"So not only are there vampires, there are half-vampires, werewolves, and shape-shifters?" He shakes his head. "I don't know how you keep it all secret. I mean this has been right in my own backyard, and I wouldn't have noticed if it weren't for you." He stores his gun and sits back down. For once I've got his undivided attention. "It was Edward who got you involved in all this, right?"

"It wasn't his fault, Daddy. He tried to protect me from it all. I just loved him too much to give up on him."

"He should have known better. If he loved you he should have kept this from you."

"No Dad, you're wrong." I've rarely disagreed with my father. "I loved him, and the more he tried to stay away from me and protect me, the more it hurt me and put me in danger. They even left Forks to protect me from being accidentally bitten..."

"My god, is that what happened? I had you on suicide watch little girl. Seriously, I told your teachers to look out for you. I was scared to death I was going to come home and find your body. I had anything you could hurt yourself with locked up, and you didn't even notice."

"I'm sorry I put you through that. But I loved him, and I thought I'd rather be dead than live without him."

"Are you talking about when you were in school and he left, or two years ago after he died?" I almost wish he was cleaning his tackle box with the intense way his eyes lock onto mine.

"Both." I look away. "I know it's crazy now. But I just can't think straight when I lose someone I love."

"I know how you feel." His voice is so low I turn back to meet his eyes, and he's the one to look away. "You get that from me." He deliberately rolls up his left sleeve. He takes off his heavy watch, and my eyes easily see the jagged scar across his wrist.

"After your mother left and took you with her, I did this. I just wanted to die. I made the first cut and the razor blade fell into the toilet." He laughs without humor. "I came down to get my gun – thought I'd eat a bullet. But I couldn't do it." He nods to the pictures on the wall. "I saw your picture there, and put the gun away. For a long time that picture was all that stood between me and a six foot deep hole." He puts his watch back in place and rolls his sleeve back down.

I startle him when I come around the table to hug him. But then he puts his arms around me for a rare hug. "I love you Daddy. I'm so glad you're still here." When I pull away, he looks more closely at me.

"Life's been good to me..." He stares. "Your skin catches the light." He reaches up to touch my face. "You're not really soft, and you're cold."

"We learn how to keep our distance. My heart doesn't beat either, if you were wondering."

"It would have been nice to have such resilience when you were falling down all the time. You know, I actually suspected Phil or your mother abused you, until I saw it for myself." I have to laugh.

"Yeah, it's been a pretty good trade-off for me." I look him in the eyes. "Can you be happy for me?

"About being a vampire, or about the new love of your life?" He absently takes my hand and tries to warm it between his.

"All of it. I'm happy, and I really love Carlisle. He's a good man, Dad."

"A good _man_?" He looks skeptical.

"Yes – _man._ He's got more humanity in his little finger than most humans have in their whole body. He makes the world a better place. He makes me happier than I ever thought I could be."

He smiles and kisses my hand. "I guess I'm happy for you then, Bells." He leans over and picks up his tackle box. He pops the lid and I can see plenty of dirt and disorder.

"I'm glad you came by. I've been meaning to talk to you about something else. You know I've been spending a lot of time with Sue Clearwater...?" An hour and an organized tackle box later, I have a better idea of how Ness must feel. My dad wants to ask Sue to marry him.

xoxoxo

As we head into September, school starts and Carlisle and Jasper begin their practice together. It seems strange to spend so much of our day apart. I decide to go back to school with Yanna, Nahuel, and Colette. Huilen decides to teach a class in weaving.

Even before Aro's son visits with his and Gemma's son, her daughter arrives. She comes with a hired caregiver, who leaves as soon as she transfers the girl to her mother. The girl is the equivalent of six, and she's an adorable girl with hazel eyes and auburn hair touched with red. Unlike Felicia, she's been cared for and taught well. She's fluent in Romanian as well as Italian. The two little girls are close in age, but completely different. Still they instantly bond as best friends, reminding me of Alice and myself.

Since we're all apart for most of the day, we come together in the evenings at dinnertime. It's Alice's idea, as she wants to give the young hybrids a real sense of family. The hybrids have their meal, and it gives us all a chance to talk and catch up with each other. Carlisle has had the pieces of the Volturi council table shipped to us. He and Garrett painstakingly put it back together, and it's now our dining room table. It stands as a reminder that even the most broken things can be put back together again with enough effort.

Garrett, Eleazar, and even Rosalie helped finish the garage in record time. Once Carlisle came up with the plans to put our private space out there, the others were glad to help out. There's a possibility we may have more company and need the space in the house. We exchange emails and video chat with Volterra, and Armando has already planned to bring Arianna with him on a visit in the spring.

Jasper also tells us that Peter is trying to adopt the animals only diet so he can spend more time with his friend. Alice has been spending some time trying to track down what happened to Colette's children. She doesn't think they made it out of Africa.

Colette and Eleazar are a couple now. It makes me smile every time I see them together. He's a lot more mature than she is, but she just adores him. He's got the same old-fashioned values as Carlisle, and he won't even spend time alone with her unless she's chaperoned. He's bought the house in Forks from Carlisle, and he wants to live there with her after they're married.

Fortunately no one questions that Carlisle and I are sharing our lives already. I love the new suite. Its got a bedroom, a luxurious bathroom, and a sitting room. Carlisle has a small office, and a French door leads to a private deck.

I meet him there on a cool September evening after our family dinner. Even before we say a word, we shed clothes and the worries of the day, and leave them in a pile on the floor. The whirlpool tub in the bathroom has become a favorite retreat for us. We both relax in the hot water, gazing at the deep wooded scenery through a one way glass wall. I snuggle against him as his strong arms come around me, gliding over my wet skin.

"How was your day, Missus Cullen?" I have to smile. I'm the only Missus Cullen, and he's the only Mister. Jasper has gone back to Whitlock, as has Alice and Felicia. Rosalie is a Henry, as Garrett has never changed his last name. Nahuel's family all carry his last name, including Gemma's daughter Carolina. Yanna is Miss Cullen, and she's very much our daughter.

"I'm doing much better now that you're here." I kiss him. It feels so good just to be with him like this. As much as I used to hate not being able to sleep and dream, I am now grateful that I don't need to sleep. There are so many times our days are too busy to spend any time together. We do dinner, clean up, maybe hunt, do homework, and still deal with council business remotely. Alice has also instituted a weekly family game night, as well as movie night. Then Carlisle and Jasper consult on their joint practice, and it can be very late by the time we make it to our suite.

But even if it's the dead of night, we always make love. I need him, and that need isn't dimming with time. He's my touchstone – my center. I can't picture my life without him in it. I play with the hair on his forehead as I straddle him in the churning water of the tub. I want him.

"How was your visit with Ness today?" I groan and climb back off his lap. I flick water into his face.

"Buzzkill."

"I take it not very well?" He looks so concerned.

I sigh loudly. "She's being a real pain in the ass!" He raises his eyebrows. "Sorry, I'm trying to stop that for the sake of the kids. But I just don't get her. She's living in denial. I really don't want to play her little game, but if I want to see the grand kids, I've got to follow her stupid rules. I should have paddled her when she was a child!" I grumble.

"She'll get over it soon enough, darling." He pulls me snug against him. "When I saw her last week, we had a nice visit. Sarah can't understand why I won't go play with the neighbor's litter of puppies with her. Did you notice that Masen looks like a perfect cross between Edward and Jacob? How ironic is that?" He's right, and I laugh softly as I think of how two men who hated each other have so clearly contributed their genes to make one beautiful baby.

"If it weren't for those babies, I'd..."

"No you wouldn't. You're not going to write your daughter off, just because you have a disagreement."

"This isn't just a disagreement! She doesn't want to accept that we're in love!"

"She knows we're in love, Bella." He kisses the back of my neck.

"But she doesn't want to see us together. What's she trying to accomplish? I'm not changing my mind!"

"Shh, calm down love." He holds me tight and nuzzles my ear. "I've talked with Jasper, and we agree, it's probably a bit of delayed reaction to everything that happened in the war. She's got some postpartum hormone issues, as well as more responsibility with the baby. She's not been sleeping well, since Masen still wakes up every four hours for a feeding. I've advised her to put more time between his feedings."

"I don't think it's too much to ask, for me to want to visit my daughter at the same time you do. We shouldn't have to trade off, just because she's being a brat!"

He laughs, and the sound rumbles into my ear. "The 'brat' has a husband and two kids. I think part of the problem is there's also a little bit of that hybrid immaturity showing itself. She's had a lot of changes in a relatively short time. She's just trying to hold on to what's familiar. She just needs a little extra security right now."

"Why does it have to be at our expense?"

"Now that's definitely a teenager thing. She is actually a teenager, according to her chronological age. It's pretty common for teens to be wonderful, responsible, mature, and kind to everyone but their parents – specifically their mothers. They get to see all the worst behaviors. It's because of their unconditional love and acceptance. They are a teens safe place to fall apart. It may seem like Nessie has singled us out for some special torment, but it's because she knows we love her and that's never going to change."

"She doesn't want us to get married."

"We're already married." His hands move over my body in a way that makes me shiver.

"Yeah, but Ness doesn't know that."

"It doesn't matter." His tongue follows a water droplet up my neck, then traces the outline of my ear. "All that matters now, is how much I want you." He pulls me onto his lap, and Ness is forgotten with the thrust of his hips.

xoxoxo

At the end of September, Angelo comes to visit with his son. He's already spent a couple weeks in Volterra, and he comes with a lot of stories to tell. For the first day or two we're all on our best behavior, not knowing how he'll get along with Gemma and Nahuel. Whatever ability he used to take their memories, he uses so they can remember.

Nahuel is grateful to finally remember what had really happened to them. But Gemma has a lot to come to terms with, after all that's been done to her. Colette is horrified at how much she participated in Joham's torture. She collapses in Eleazar's arms broken-hearted and weeping.

The children on the other hand have a wonderful time. Felicia, Carolina, and Christiano have a whole great outdoors to explore, and Alice keeps watch over them all. After the first couple days, it feels like Angelo is part of the family. The hybrid diet helps, but it's also because Nahuel is so relaxed around the man, even though he's been intimate with his wife.

I ask him about it, since he's handling the visit even better than Huilen, Colette, and Gemma. He answers calmly. "I love my wife. But she has suffered greatly at Joham's hands. Joham raped her to become Carolina's father. He only wanted the child so he could force her to follow orders." He smiles sadly. "Gemma used to be quite a bit more spirited. Her father tried to rebel against Joham, and Joham took his only daughter. Gemma tried to rebel against him and he took Carolina away from her."

I don't think I'll ever get used to some of the things I learn about that monster. Nahuel continues. "When Angelo was mated with Gemma, he was barely old enough to father a child with her. Gemma was commanded to seduce the boy. I don't bear him any ill will." He lowers his voice. "His child and mine will both have the same human life expectancy. What really confounds me, is that I'm raising my daughter and my half-sister, and my wife gave birth to them both." He shakes his head. "My wife deserves every bit of love and patience I can give her."

His attitude overwhelms me, and I have to sit down as an idea grows in my head. Joham has cost us all on a scale that's hard to imagine. But as we pull ourselves out of the past and all of our mourning, I realize we've been left with some amazing treasures. Nahuel is not his father's son. The very man who tortured and traumatized Gemma, is somehow the same man who fathered Nahuel. The serene patience he carries with him makes me glad to know him.

Joham is also little Carolina's father. The girl is precious, and we have all come to love her. I'm a bit surprised when Eleazar let's us know that she carries a bit of her father's gift in her. "It's not the overwhelming controlling charm of Joham." He informs us. "It's a passive charm, more like Jasper's ability. She actually reminds me more of Didyme."

Joham also left us with Colette. In such a short time, she's changed so much. As soon as Eleazar put an engagement ring on her finger she cane to show me. "You were right!" She all but squealed. "Being in love is so much better – I can't believe I almost missed this! He's such a beautiful man, and he's all mine!" Then she did squeal and twirl away to show everyone else. I know exactly how she feels.

A few days later she has to face the sad news that Joham's enemies in Africa killed her two children. As near as we can tell, some of the hybrids he created there, did as Nahuel had done. They'd created vampires. They were still newborn strength, and a couple of them had discovered Colette's babies while trying to find Joham. They took out their hatred of him on his children.

The horrible fact is that their deaths happened very shortly after the group left Africa, and he knew it. He threatened to harm children who were already dead so he could force her to do what he wanted. Eleazar tries to comfort Colette, and it works a little. But it's Gemma who comforts her. They've both lost children and suffered at the hands of Joham. From that moment on, I see a friendship form between the two woman.

The loss has matured Colette in a way nothing else could. She's coming to terms with all the disillusionment of her father, and she's choosing to do things on her own terms. Eleazar offers to start their family right away if that's what she wants. Instead she decides she wants to complete her schooling first.

The first of October brings a frantic call from Ness. "Mom, thank god you're there! I need Carlisle – Masen's sick!" She explains his symptoms: Fever, vomiting, diarrhea , and listlessness. Carlisle is at his office, but for some reason he didn't answer the phone. He was still in the process of finding a good receptionist.

"Can you get him to drink something?"

"He won't keep anything down, not even water. I'm scared mom."

"I'll take care of it, Sweetheart. I'll call you back and let you know what he says." When I reach him, Carlisle wants to have her take him to the local emergency room.

"She needs to tell them he's my patient, and he's dehydrated. She should deny any tests until I get there. I'm leaving now. I can get there faster without a car. Tell her I'll be there in two hours. Will you drive down and meet me there? I'll probably need a change of clothes, and bring my medical bag too." He doesn't waste time on pleasantries.

I hang up the dead phone with several concerned faces surrounding me. "Let's go." Alice hands me his medical bag and the clothes. I try to object as it goes from just me to a group, but they're ready to go in an instant.

"I'll drive, I'm faster than you." Jasper takes the keys with a quick flash of a smile. True to his word, we fly down the highway, with Alice riding beside him, advising him of which roads to take for less traffic and congestion. I sit in the back, squeezed between Yanna and Rosalie. I would have liked to have Colette with me, but she and Eleazar were meeting with a designer to make some changes to their house.

"I didn't think hybrids were supposed to get sick," Rosalie says, pulling me from my thoughts.

"It's unusual, but it does happen." Yanna leans forward to talk around me.

"Masen isn't a typical hybrid," I explain. "He's got shape-shifter genes as well as human and vampire." I chew on the inside of my cheek as I worry about the little boy who bears such a similarity to Edward and Jacob. Jacob must be going nuts.

"He's going to be fine." Rosalie puts her arm around me.

"Sure," Yanna adds, "babies are resilient."

"He's going to be fine." Alice chimes in from the front seat. She doesn't say how she knows, and I hope it's with her special talent, and she's not just feeding me platitudes. I'm afraid to ask.

Jasper drives like he could give race car drivers lessons. I would probably worry more if he wasn't using his own ability to make us all calm. We make the ferry and it's hard to relax enough to watch the water slip by so slowly. I want to be with my daughter and her children. I fight not to think about the chance that we could lose one of them.

Yanna stands at the rail beside me, with her arm around my shoulders. She gives me hope that even the most terrible things can be healed. She's walking without a walker now and she's regained the strength in her arm. Part of it is from the slow healing of her own body, and part of it is Colette doing what she could to restore her. Between her recovery, her place in the family, and her enjoyment of going to school, she's blossomed. She's beautiful, but more important, she's secure and happy. I know she spends a lot of time talking to Jasper about some of the things that happened to her. He calls her little sister, which makes her smile.

When we finally make it to the states, Jasper drives us straight to the hospital. I don't expect Alice to go in with us, but she doesn't slow down as we pass through the doors into Admitting. We're just about to ask about them, when I see Carlisle. I'm in his arms so fast I hope the attendant isn't watching. He holds me and soothes me a moment before he speaks.

"We've got Masen on an I.V. to replenish his fluids. Right now it just looks like a virus, but I'm going to run a few tests to rule out a few things." I pull away from him and meet his eyes. "We're taking good care of him." He caresses my face, as if he were wiping my tears. I feel such a sense of relief. I pull his face to mine and kiss him.

It's a tiny noise that makes me stop. A little grunt in my daughter's voice. She's watching us. I pull away, feeling more guilt than I should. She stands there, just staring, then rushes over and flings herself into my arms crying. I hold her doing my best to comfort her as all the stress of the day pours out of her. As soon as she's calm, Carlisle leads us to a waiting room.

He leaves to go take care of Masen after updating us on his progress. They haven't admitted him to the hospital, but he's in one of the emergency room units while he's on the I.V. He's sleeping, so Ness had come out to be with us when she heard we were here.

"Where's Jacob? I thought he'd be here with you?" I hold her hand as she wipes her eyes with a wad of tissues.

"He's away at a training event." She shrugs. "He's getting fed up with the hours he's getting at the garage, and he wants to become a forest ranger. I'm afraid to call him back for this, until we know more." She looks around at all of us. "Thanks for coming – all of you."

"Who's taking care of Sarah?" Alice asks.

"Leah Clearwarter has her for now." Her name brings up so many memories, and most of them are not pleasant. But she's a friend of Jacob's, and still the pack beta as far as I know.

"If you want, I can go to the res. and keep an eye on Sarah for you," Alice offers. I know how much she hates hospitals, and Jasper hovers close to keep her calm.

"Would you? That would be really great." Ness gives a slight smile. "Sarah loves Leah, but Leah gets a little antsy around kids after a while." Jasper offers to drive her, and come back as soon as possible.

Without Jasper's calming influence, Nessie's worry and nervousness spirals up, until I can hear her heart racing. "Why don't you go back and sit with him. I'll go get you something to eat – you haven't eaten have you?"

"I can't eat now, Mom." She sounds so much like a teenager. "I think I will go sit with him. I'll let you know if anything changes." I kiss her cheek and Rosalie hugs her before she leaves.

Carlisle comes out a little later and asks for his clothes. Unless you were close to him, you'd never notice his clothes have the scent and stiffness that comes from his swim across the sound.. He obviously ran so fast they dried on the way. Once he's changed, he lets us all know that Masen is doing better.

"As far as I can tell, it's just a virus. He's resilient, but his digestive system is still sensitive. I'm pretty sure he'll be fine in a day or two. Dehydration in a baby can be a very dangerous thing, but he's getting what he needs now."

"Is Ness okay? She's really taking it hard." I stand and put my arms around him. She's not the only one taking it hard.

"She's fine. Masen looks a lot better now, so she's starting to believe he's not going to die. Do you want to get her something to eat, and then we can all go back and see the baby? I think the cafeteria's still open."

With a styro-foam container from the cafeteria in my hands, I follow Carlisle through the doors to the triage waiting room where Ness and Masen have been for most of the day. Yanna looks around nervously as we crowd into the tiny space. Rosalie discreetly holds a handkerchief over her nose to dull the smells of injured humanity in the other nearby rooms.

Nessie sits beside an industrial looking crib, rubbing her child's back as he sleeps. The I.V. dripping into his little arm looks out of place. Of course she refuses the food we've brought, but when Carlisle tells her to eat, she takes it as a command. Rosalie takes her spot beside the baby, while Ness eats. In the tiny room, I don't even realize I've taken the place beside Carlisle, and my arm is around his waist.

"Seriously!" Ness throws the plastic fork into the tray. "How can you expect me to eat, when you two are making me sick!" .

"Nessie!" Rosalie stands, looking shocked and outraged. I hear Yanna's startled gasp. It's fortunate we've learned to modulate our voices not to carry, and even Masen doesn't seem disturbed at the drama unfolding. "Your mother is owed respect."

"If she wants respect, she can earn it! She can start by _not_ fooling around with my grandfather! She can quit being selfish and defiling my father's memory, and she can stop rubbing my nose in this _disgusting_ excuse for a relationship!"

She turns to make her dramatic exit, but before she can open the door, Rosalie has her. I'm frozen to the floor as perfectly manicured fingertips almost puncture the skin of Nessie's upper arm her grip is so tight. "Oh no you don't."

Rosalie's angry eyes meet Nessie's defiant green stare. "I've had enough of this, young lady!" Her lovely face softens for just a moment. "I love you as if you were my own daughter. But you're being an insensitive bitch, and I'm not going to stand by and watch you trash two people who love you too much to tell you what you need to hear!" Even with all her sharp edges, I've never heard Rosalie swear before.

"That woman gave you _life._"

"I know all that, you're not telling me anything new. Every mother gives their child life, it's in the contract." Her sarcasm hurts. She's belittling the very thing I hold dear.

"No one ever told you how much it cost her. Your father wanted to protect you from the reality, but you need to hear it. You _killed _your mother just being born; she traded her life for yours that day."

"I know!" Nessie's eyes flick to mine for a moment. "I've always known that; especially with all the new hybrids in the world."

"None of the other hybrids had mothers who were _willing _to make that sacrifice – you did. She didn't just make that choice the moment you were born. She made it from the moment she knew you existed. She fought for you again and again. She had to face the disapproval of everyone she knew and loved. In the month it took for you to grow, she made the choice every day that you should live, even if she died."

"This doesn't have anything to do with the here and now..."

"It has _everything _to do with it. You call your mother selfish, when _you're _the one being a brat. There were days when she could barely breathe because you were lying against her lungs. You sucked everything from her body better than a vampire could. She couldn't walk on her own. She had to drink blood just to feed you – she used to pass out at the smell of blood." Rosalie's lips twitch up in a wry grin.

"She didn't just sacrifice her health and her comfort for you. Every day she carried you she made the choice that you would live, even if she died. It didn't take the rest of us long to realize Bella wasn't going to live through it. You could break her ribs with a kick. If you stretched, she suffered internal bleeding. She was wasting away, even with the blood. I supported her decisions more than any of the others. I knew she was going to die, but I thought she should have that choice. I didn't love her then." She smiles at me, letting me know she does now.

"Nessie, Bella sacrificed her very life for you. She didn't know Edward would be able to change her after you were born. Ask Jacob, he'll tell you she really did die. She bled out, and without the venom injected into her heart, you wouldn't have a mother. You were not an accident, you were a choice. This woman you just called selfish chose to give her very life for you.

"You claim she's defiling your father's memory, but _you're _the one doing that. You are Edward's legacy. He loved Bella more than anything in this world – except maybe you. He would have given her anything to make her happy. He would have left her to Jacob if that's what she wanted." Ness looks shocked for a moment. "Yes – it could have happened."

Rosalie lets go of her arm and touches Nessie's wan face. "Your mother is in love with Carlisle. Don't you think she's given up enough for you already? Do you really want to see her alone for the rest of her life?"

"She could find someone else..."

"No she can't. Vampires bond for life, just like Jacob is bonded to you. Only death breaks that bond, and a new bond forming is as rare as death for us. If these two split up to suit your demands, you'll lose them both, I guarantee it."

"But why did it have to be my grandpa?" Her voice is so sad and plaintive, she sounds like she's only seven.

"He was never Edward's father. It was just part of the image we all presented to look human. They wanted you to have a real family experience, so we all played our parts: Aunt Rosie, Uncle Em, Grandma Esme, and Grandpa Carlisle. The only biological relatives you had were your mom and dad, and now it's just your mother." She exhales deeply.

"Ness, Carlisle is a wonderful man. He loves you very much, and I didn't even tell you how much _he _sacrificed to bring you into the world. You may lose him as a grandfather. But I promise you, if you take away that restriction, you'll gain even more. You'll have someone who will always be in your life, and always love you and do what's best for you.

"He dropped everything to rush to your side. He didn't get here by car, Sweetheart, he ran the distance, and swam the sound to reach you. He wouldn't do that for just anyone. Any other doctor could treat Masen's condition, but there's not one of them who loves you the way Carlisle does."

"Why can't they just keep it to themselves? That's not too much to ask, is it?"

Rosalie groans in frustration. I can tell she's about to launch into another tirade when Carlisle interrupts her.

"Love isn't just a feeling Renesmee, I love you more than you know. It's more than a grandfather for a granddaughter. I was there when you were born, and we were all overjoyed when you joined us. None of us believed that it could turn out as well as it did. I thought for sure we'd be saying goodbye to your mother. Worse, I suspected that you'd need to be destroyed. I was around when a lot of vampires tried to create immortal children – before the law forbade it. They were terrifying; nothing more than insatiable little killing machines."

I've never heard him talk about immortal children before. I never knew he expected to have to destroy mine and Edward's child. It stuns me almost as much as it does Nessie.

"I love you, and I'm not really your paternal grandfather – I never was. The man who could claim that title died in 1918." He sighs, and his face is so drawn. "You're too old to believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. And you're too old to keep thinking in such childish terms about our relationships. A lot has changed. We've tried to give you time to make the adjustment, but we're not going to keep hiding just for your sake."

He looks as if he wants to pace, but the room is too small. He runs his fingers through his hair. "Nessie, I'm in love with your mother. It's more than just a feeling. I need her in my life. I want her in every way a man could want a woman." Ness rolls her eyes in annoyance and Carlisle looks momentarily angry.

"Could you give up Jacob?" She looks surprised at the question. "Could you pretend you don't love him? Could you be in the same room with him and ignore his presence? Maybe you could do it for a day, or a week. Maybe you could for a little while, but could you do it indefinitely? Could you resist touching him, and holding his hand, and and comforting him when he needed you?" He gives a short laugh.

"I know the answer to that question. Before you married him, I know for a fact that every moment you spent apart tortured you. I tried to tell Edward not to keep trying to force you to date other boys, but he wanted to make sure you had every opportunity to see a life away from Jacob and the reservation. How did it make you feel when you were on a date with some other boy, knowing you really wanted to be with Jacob?"

"It felt awful, and I hated it! You can't tell me this is the same thing. You two..."

"We're in love Nessie – just like you and Jacob. How do you think we feel trading weekends with you and the children? How could you ask us to keep that up forever? I love you too much to let you keep pretending that everything is the same as it used to be. It's not. Some horrible things happened in the war and even afterward. But me falling in love with your mother was not one of them. This is a good thing, and I'm not going to deny it."

As much as I want to hold Carlisle and smother him in kisses for his bold declaration, I can't ignore the tears welling in my daughter's eyes. She looks heartbroken.

"I just..." She dashes the tears from her eyes and escapes out the door. I follow her, and catch up to her in the hallway outside the emergency area.

"Ness...?"

She turns and throws her arms around me, crying. "I'm sorry, Mom... I'm really trying...but I want my daddy back! I can't stand that he's gone, and I'm never going to see him again. I just... he should be here... he should get to hold Masen and _he _should be the one with you. It's not fair! I didn't even get to say goodbye, Mom. I miss him so much! I just keep thinking that somehow there was a mistake... and he's going to come back. And he's going to wonder why we all forgot him, and why you and Carlisle are together, and why I didn't stay loyal to him like a daughter should." Her shoulders shake as she cries, and I hold her through the flood.

It takes a long time for her to calm herself, and finally pull back to wipe her eyes. "Sweetheart, you know he's not coming back, right?" I keep my voice soft and non-confrontational.

Her eyes meet mine, and I can see Edward's tortured green gaze. It tears at my heart to see her so distraught. "I know... but I don't want it to be true. I keep thinking... if I believe hard enough... he'll have to come back. I want him to come back... somehow." I hold her tight as more tears leak onto my shirt.

Her voice is muffled against my shoulder, but I can still make out her words. "I'm sorry Mom. I'll try to accept you're with Gran – Carlisle... I really do want you to be happy. I didn't know you bond for life. I didn't know a lot of things it seems." I hold her tight and kiss her temple. "Am I really defiling Daddy's memory?"

"Of course not baby. It's understandable that you miss him. You've been under a lot of stress. No one expects you to be perfect all the time."

"I love you, Mom... I don't want to lose you too."

"That's not very likely, Sweetheart, you're kinda stuck with me." I have my arm around her when we go back to the tiny room. She peels away from me and hugs Carlisle.

"I love you, and I'm sorry. Thank you for coming and taking care of Masen." As if on cue, the baby wakes up and starts crying. Ness rushes over to him and picks him up to comfort him.

"Now that's a good sign." Carlisle observes with a smile. "He's crying real tears." He begins to examine the baby, and Rosalie, Yanna, and I leave the room. We make it back to the waiting room just in time to see Jasper come back.

At first I don't recognize the woman with him, but then I realize it's Leah Clearwater. Jasper introduces Leah to Yanna, and the two girls shake hands.

"Leah wanted to get an accurate update on the condition of the baby, so she followed me here. I guess she still doesn't trust us 'leeches.' Jasper smiles as he says it.

I wait for Leah's typical rude response, but she's quiet. She hasn't let go of Yanna's hand, and I can hear her shallow breathing and her heart racing. I begin to wonder if she's having a heart attack like her father, and then I worry more as Yanna struggles to pull her hand back.

"Let me go!" Yanna stares intently, and Leah lets go of her hand as if recoiling from touching something hot. "Back off!" I gasp as Leah takes several awkward steps backward and stands staring at Yanna.

My girl looks at me, with realization suddenly dawning. Her power is back. I'm not sure whether to be happy or worried for her. Leah reaches a hand out toward us, looking at Yanna with both confusion and longing.

"Can I come closer – please?" Yanna nods, and Leah comes back to stand with us. I can still hear her heart pounding in her chest. She stares at Yanna, and at first I'm afraid she's going to have some negative reaction to Yanna's frightening power. Then I see a smile spread on her face. It's so unusual, I can't connect it to any memory. Leah sneers. Leah mocks. Leah goads and teases, but Leah does not smile. But she's smiling now, and her eyes haven't left Yanna even once. Oh my god!

**A/N: I know I promised an ending, but as I'm writing the epilogue, I realize there's still a part of story to tell. Can you hang in for a 38? Blame Yanna. **


	38. Chapter 38 Love Me Tender

Chapter 38

Love Me Tender

It's clear to those of us who witness it what's happening. The whole time we wait, the two young women observe each other in uncomfortable silence. Every time Leah tries to speak, she stutters to silence and blushes.

When we're finally able to take Masen home, I try to tell Yanna about imprinting on the drive. It doesn't go well.

"Are you trying to tell me that Leah imprinted on me? That's the craziest thing I ever heard! For one thing, in case you haven't noticed, we're both women. Why would some kind of magical mate selection thing kick in for two people who can't have kids together? Then let's add in the fact that we never would have met except for a whole bunch of random events. I mean I'm not exactly the girl next door. And if all that wasn't bad enough, she's a shape-shifter. She was in the war, and for all I know, she could have had a hand in killing my mom and dad. I don't want anything to do with her!"

I've never seen an imprint go so wrong. I try to explain about the other imprints I know about. I start with Jacob and Nessie, and explain how devoted he is to her. I mention Quil and Claire, and how he is still waiting for her to grow up so he can be with her. Then I tell her about Sam and Emily, and how Leah was dumped when Sam imprinted on her cousin.

"I can't think of anything more horrible! How could someone look at a baby as someone to mate with – or a two year-old for that matter? Even if she was an adult, the idea of losing a fiance because he feels a magical connection to your cousin is just plain wrong! Do I even need to point out, that if she had a fiance, she's not gay?"

"You spent years with Joham, and you are." I try to take her hand, but she pulls away from me.

"That's different."

"Maybe not. A lot of gay people appear to be heterosexual because of other people's expectations. Leah comes from a culture of deep traditional values. Maybe she was hiding her true nature?"

"Are _you _trying to tell _me _about being a lesbian?" She scowls at me.

"You're probably right, I'm sorry. I admit I'm out of my depth here. Everything I know I learned from Oprah. I'm just saying that it _is _possible for Leah to feel this way about you."

"Well I don't want it."

Jasper's understated laugh reaches us from the driver's seat. "Little sister, that's a pretty powerful attraction you're turning your back on. Poor Leah didn't know what hit her."

"That's the problem right there. Do you think I want to just fall into a relationship with someone just because of some unexplainable _magic _connection?"

"You never know until you try. It worked for me." I'd almost forgotten about how Alice had foreseen their meeting and their love.

Yanna crosses her arms and stares daggers at her reflection in the window. Finally she turns to face me. "You don't understand. I've never had someone – I mean a partner – fall in love with me just because they liked _me_. Joham wanted me because of my power and because I was my father's daughter. I think Sabrina was interested in me because I wasn't human, but I wasn't as dangerous as a vampire. I've had one other lover, and she wanted me because I was someone to help her through the sadness of the war." She wipes away the tears sliding down her face.

"I want someone who loves me of their own free will." Her hands flutter in her lap, twisting a tissue. "My power is all about making people do things they don't want to do. I used to think it was a great thing. But the older I got, the more I realized that even though I could control people, they still remembered that I took away their free will. They almost always hated me for it. Arianna tried to kill me for what I did to her. How could this Leah not hate me for triggering this curse?"

I've never thought of it that way. I know Jacob held no animosity for Ness. But I also know Sam felt a great deal of guilt for his imprint on Emily, as well as how he'd scarred her. And poor Quil's life is still on hold as he waits for his fourteen year-old love interest to be old enough to date. He's old enough he could be arrested if he acts on his feelings. Yanna has a good point.

"I'm sorry. No one is going to force you to go along with it, if that's your decision." I take her hand. "You should have a chance to fall in love too – of your own free will." That statement is immediately put to the test as soon as we pull up at Nessie's and find Leah there waiting.

She opens Yanna's door and blurts,"I need to talk to you," before she's even out of the car.

Yanna looks at me with her uncertain blue eyes. "That's entirely up to you," I assure her. Leah's eyes narrow at me, and my hearing can pick up the low warning growl in her chest.

"Stop that!" Yanna hears and responds, startling Leah out of her predatory stance. "Bella and Carlisle are as dear to me as parents. If you can't treat them with respect, then I don't want to talk to you!" Jasper snorts and gets out, with a satisfied grin on his face. Carlisle opens my door and I slide out, followed by Yanna, who leaves Leah there holding the door.

"Please Yanna, I_ need._... I just want to talk to you." It hurts to see such raw pain and longing on her pretty face. Leah is clearly out of her depth, and it reminds me of watching Jacob's reaction to some of the limits we put on his access to Nessie.

"I'm going to go talk to her, okay?" Yanna looks at me as if I've got the last say in the matter. For just a moment I remember how protective Edward was of me when I was around the Quileutes. Yanna's not a human, and I know Leah will protect her with her life. But then I recall Emily's scars.

"You'll stay calm, won't you Leah?" I can tell by the way her eyes flash that she knows what I'm thinking. Her lips compress in a tight line, but she gives me a curt nod. Yanna goes with her, walking far enough apart you could drive a motorcycle between them. I sigh and look up at Carlisle, who's been waiting for me.

He takes my hand in silence and we go in to help with the kids. As we walk in, I can hear Ness on the phone with Jacob, and it doesn't take a mind reader to see she's on the defensive.

"….I'm sorry I didn't call you sooner. I didn't want to take you away from... Jake come on, you know I didn't deliberately... " She wipes a stray tear. "He's fine, it's just a virus, and he's almost over it now. I _did _call you, I called you now! You don't have to yell, I can hear you fine. You did _not _just accuse me of not having our son's best interests in mind! It wouldn't have made a bit of difference if you were here." She looks momentarily outraged. "He hung up! She looks at Rosalie, who's the closest to her.

Carlisle pulls out his phone. "Let me give him a call." For the next fifteen minutes Carlisle talks to an obviously upset Jacob. "Masen's fine. It was a sticky situation, and it could have been bad. But Nessie did the right thing, and he's going to be just fine. There's not a thing you could have done, and the room they were in was pretty small. It wouldn't have been a good place for someone like you to become stressed out..." Carlisle paces.

"Jacob." His voice is calm and authoritative. "It's very common to be upset when it's your child who's sick. I see it all the time. Nessie did the right thing in this situation. She called his doctor, and she got him the help he needed. You really couldn't have done anything for him. He was asleep most of the time he was there, and when he was awake, he needed his mother."

Carlisle listens to more venting from a nervous dad. "It's up to you if you want to rush back, but it's not necessary. He's turned the corner, and Nessi is doing better now. Yes, she was very upset, that's why the whole family came." Carlisle laughs. "No, we weren't on some kind of death watch, it wasn't that serious. We just wanted to be here for Nessie, we all think of her as our little girl."

With that he hands the phone to Ness, who's been following the conversation. I can make out Jacob's apology, and I smile along with my daughter. It's easy to see there's peace once again in the Black family.

We decide to spend the night, even though Alice is anxious to get back home to Felicia. We're in the midst of the chaos of Nessie getting supper ready for herself, Billy, and Sarah, when Yanna comes in. She's not crying, but I can sense she's very close. I lead her upstairs away from the noise. In Masen's room she breaks down and cries on my shoulder. For several minutes she just cries as I do my best to sooth her. When she's calmer, the story pours out of her amid broken sobs.

"She doesn't believe she imprinted. She's trying to claim it's _love at first sight._ She sounds crazy! We walked down the road, and the whole time she's going on and on about how it's going to be for us, and what our future looks like and how everything is going to work out. And then I told her she was wrong, and that I didn't want to be her love object." Yanna's eyes meet mine, and a fresh wave of tears floods her cheeks.

"She looked at me as if I was tearing her heart from her chest. She couldn't believe that I didn't feel the same way about her. Then she started talking about how every time she falls in love it only breaks her heart, and how maybe she shouldn't even be alive. I started to worry that she'd go off and kill herself – I mean she looked that devastated."

There's enough room for both of us to sit in the big rocking chair, especially since Yanna is so petite. She's sitting partially beside me and somewhat on my lap with our arms around each other. "I tried to tell her that I didn't think it was her fault, and that I was sure she'd find someone else who was perfect for her. But she told me it was impossible, because I was the only one she wanted."

She looks at me with her sad, blue, eyes as I hold her. "Mom, she just looked so sad. I'm worried about her."

Yanna hasn't called me Mom before, and I"m sure it's because she's so upset that it slipped out. But it feels right. I do my best to comfort her as she pours out the story to me.

"I don't know why she doesn't believe she imprinted. I've never heard of it before, and it's clear to me that's what happened." She wipes her tears. "You should have heard all her plans... about how we were going to live together, and how it would be with us. It was like she thought she knew me, but she doesn't know me at all!"

"Yanna... are you _sure_ you're not interested in her?" Our eyes meet, and hers pool with tears. "I'm sorry, I just want you to be sure."

"I don't know!" She surprises me with her indecision. "I've never met anyone like her. She's so strong and decisive, and even a little overbearing. But... god, she's beautiful. She hugged me... I mean _really _hugged me, like she was trying to... join us together or something. I thought she was going to kiss me – I mean she came so close. Then she admitted she'd never kissed another woman. I couldn't do it – I mean I wouldn't let her. I don't want to be the one to initiate her. Whatever it is that's affecting her will pass, and I don't want to be the one to take her down a pathway where she doesn't belong."

"Yanna, you still haven't told me how you feel about her. I know when it was Ness in your place, she was just as much in love with Jacob as he was with her. Did you feel any of that with Leah?"

She's out of the chair in an instant. "No! I don't feel the same way – I don't. This is a mistake, and even if she wasn't a shape shifter, I don't operate this way. I make my own choices, and no one else is going to tell me what I have to do, and who I have to love. Joham is dead, and that's the last time I'll ever let someone else own me or control me. Leah's wrong, this isn't our destiny!"

I stand and pull her to me. "It's okay sweetie, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do." She's my daughter. I know it for sure, as my heart is breaking for her.

The rest of the night passes calmly. Near midnight, I'm surprised to see Billy come to join us in the main room. He's been very accepting of us in Nessie and Jacob's lives, but he's also kept a distance between us. He nods to Carlisle, as he takes a place with our little group. Yanna is sleeping in the spare room, and Ness and the children are asleep as well.

"Leah imprinted on that young woman." His words are somber as he shakes his head. "I hope this doesn't get her ostracized." I can't hide my surprise. "It could happen; others have been forced out for less."

"You can't be serious, Billy. No one can control who they fall in love with, and especially not an imprint."

"I understand, Bella. But we have many old laws, and many old people who believe in tradition. I myself have lost my place in the tribe... once it became known that I was Embry's father. Adultery is serious, and so is homosexuality. Leah stands to lose quite a bit. She can't lose her place in the pack, unless Jacob chooses to turn her out. But it could get rough on him if he supports her."

"That's crazy! They would deny an imprint?" I remember how they'd honored Jacob's tie to Nessie, even though they wanted to kill her.

"Imprinting is supposed to be rare. There are many who don't believe it happens, and there are those who fear it could be used as an excuse for breaking up marriages... or for homosexual behavior. It's been discussed before, and the tribe has laws in place. If Leah pursues this woman, she could be giving up everything she knows."

"Yanna doesn't want this, does that make a difference?"

He doesn't crack a smile. "It's about Leah, not an outsider." He shakes his head sadly. "The Quileutes have strong traditions. They can trace their bloodlines and heritage for hundreds, if not thousands of years. But Western culture has changed what it means to be part of the tribe. When natives were forced onto reservations, a great injustice happened, and now we continue that injustice. The tribe has been granted their lands from the government. It belongs to the tribe."

He looks at each of us. "Historically, we lived on the land, but we never _owned _the land. But now we have ownership, and boundaries. There is value in the land, and many people, both in and out of the tribe covet what should have never been owned. Now those in charge of the tribe are given control of something that used to be free. It all comes down to wealth and power. If they can weed out those who deserve to be part of the tribe, then they can narrow down who owns the land. The smaller the tribe, the greater the wealth."

"But I thought Jacob was going to be the next leader? I mean isn't he a direct descendant?" I haven't heard of any of these changes from Ness.

"Jacob leads the _pack_. But the tribe elders are still in charge of the leadership. The elders are from my generation, and they haven't got a shape-shifter among them. They believe the legends, but they don't think they matter to the actual running of the tribe."

"So, what could Leah lose?"

"She'd lose her share of the Clearwater lands. Seth could still inherit, but her share would revert back to tribal property. I lost all my own holdings. Of course I'm glad they went to Jacob and Rachel, but it should have been my choice. Leah would lose any say in the tribe business, and she'd probably lose her job."

"What's her jobs?" I've really lost touch since the war.

"She's a manager of the resort. You have to be a tribe member to work the resort, and she would lose that right."

"No offense Billy, but those rules are totally unfair. No one really has to know, right? I mean if Yanna turns her down and we go back to Canada. It doesn't have to ruin her life if nothing happens." I can't imagine that living on a reservation means that they get to make their own laws. I've had this explained to me before, as it related to the treaty.

"I think you underestimate the power of an imprinting."

Billy's words come back to haunt me again and again after we leave Nessie. Leah shows up to try to talk to her before we leave. But Yanna doesn't want talk to her but to say goodbye – then she cries until the reservation is well behind us. Once we're back home, she calls several times to talk to Yanna, but she won't take her calls. When the phone calls stop, we all breath a sigh of relief.

Yanna continues going to school, though she's more reserved than before. I notice that she's not interested in the family nights we plan, and she isn't eating. When I ask her about it, she says she's still upset by Leah's attention.

Two weeks later the security cameras pick up a wolf – a big one. Our efforts to talk to Leah only send her running, but again and again we see her prowling the property. It's not a secret we can keep from Yanna. She stops going outside, except to go to the garage and back. She withdraws even further, and any time I try to get her to talk, she clams up.

Jacob shows up the second week of November. It's the first time he's seen the new house, and I notice the way he breathes through his mouth as we invite him inside. He smiles as we give him a brief tour, and asks if we can talk out on the deck. None of us are bothered by the cool temperatures, and Carlisle and I head outside with Jacob.

He doesn't waste time with a lot of small talk. "I hear you've got a wolf problem. I thought I'd come and see if I can help."

"I don't know what you can do, Jake. Yanna won't talk to anyone about it, and Leah hasn't done anything but patrol the area."

He smiles his bright smile. "Yeah, I might not be able to do much. But if something doesn't change, she's going to drive me crazy. Every time I shift, I hear her thoughts in my head. She's got it bad for your little girl. Not to mention the tribal council is making noise about kicking her out. I don't want her to leave the pack, but I can't have a missing beta."

"Just what do you suggest?" Carlisle asks. "We're not going to make Yanna do something she doesn't want to do. You can't force someone to fall in love."

"You've obviously never felt an imprinting," Jacob mutters. "It's about as subtle as getting hit by a truck. But I'm not here to try to force anyone to fall in love. I just want to get them together so we can talk this out. I brought Leah some clothes, and she kinda has to listen to me. Would you ask Yanna to meet us out here?"

Twenty minutes later, Carlisle and I are flanking a nervous Yanna when Jacob and Leah join us. Leah stares at Yanna, who looks like she'd rather be anywhere else. We take seats around an outdoor table.

"Leah, you realize you can't keep patrolling our property like this." Carlisle's voice is gentle, but Leah barely acknowledges him.

"I love you." Leah's declaration is for Yanna alone. "I can't just go on with my life like you don't exist."

Jacob tries to get through to her. "Leah, you need to know the tribal council is thinking about kicking you out – you'll lose your job and your property..."

"I don't care! Nothing else matters if she can't love me. I'll just stay a wolf; a wolf doesn't need land or a job."

"You're being ridiculous!" It's the first I've heard from Yanna. "You can't just be a wolf forever, just because I don't want to jump into some kind of one-sided affair. Go back home and forget about me!"

"Don't you understand? _I can't!_ I love you, Yanna."

"You don't even know me!" She's on her feet, clearly upset. "You don't know the first thing about me! Do you know I'm Caius' daughter? Do you have any idea the things I've done for Joham? Do you know how many times I've wanted to hunt down and kill everyone who survived the war on your side? I was going to take up my father's mission, and exterminate every werewolf I could find! I was going to kill anyone who dared to oppose our side!" I'm shocked at her revelation.

"You can't love me Leah, you don't even know who I am. You don't know how I was used and tortured, and you don't have any idea what it's done to me. You may be older than I am, but next to me, you're practically an innocent baby. I've seen – I've _done _things that still give me nightmares." She backs up and leans against the deck railing. "I'm not worth all you're willing to give up. You have to let go."

"None of that matters to me. You were right, I _did _imprint on you. But it's not a mistake, and it's not something I can just walk away from and forget." Leah fixes Yanna in her wide brown-eyed gaze. "I need you. I'll learn who you are, I'll comfort you when you have nightmares, and I'll still love you, no matter what you've done. I fought this as hard as I could, and it beat me. I'm yours. My heart belongs to a blue-eyed angel with pale blond hair, and a face like a porcelain doll. You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I belong with you – I'll prove it to you any way you need."

Leah circles the table and stands in front of Yanna. We're all holding our breath as she reaches out and gently touches Yanna's cheek. "Just give me a chance, that's all I ask."

"How do I know you didn't kill my family?" Yanna's voice is low, and I can hear her heart pounding. "You were in the place where they died."

"I didn't kill them." Leah steps back. "I saw Caius die, and I know who killed him." She doesn't look at Jacob, even though I'm sure she likely saw it through his eyes. "I did ask about you, and I know your mother was to the rear of the group. I didn't kill her either; it was one of the lee – _vampires. _She went down with Bella's attack, and I don't attack helpless foes – even vampires. Even if I did, I'm not capable of burning anyone when I'm a wolf."

"We're supposed to be enemies," Yanna murmurs.

"Are you kidding? To me that's one of the perks. I don't let anyone tell me what to think, say, or do." Leah smiles.

"Except your imprinting instinct." Yanna trumps.

"Yeah, that's right. Instinct wins over thought and will, you're right." Leah rolls her eyes to the sky. "Maybe instinct can do better than I've done on my own. It seems every choice I make comes back to bite me in the ass. You don't have the market cornered on being screwed up. If you wanna compare notes, I'll start off with falling in love with a man who dumped me for my cousin – I bought the dress and everything."

"If you were really in love with a man, you're probably not playing for my team." Yanna looks at her with sad eyes.

"Maybe I wasn't really in love. My god, it's nothing compared to how I feel about you. I don't care that you're a woman. I don't care that we can't have kids. I don't care that everyone will look down on us and think we're immoral. I don't care about all I stand to lose, because you're all I want. You're worth it, Yanna."

Leah moves quick, and wraps her in her arms. She's almost a foot taller than Yanna, and my daughter all but disappears in her embrace. I know she has the power to make her stop and push her away, but she doesn't. Her arms instead move around her, and her hands glide over her back. I turn away as Leah bends to kiss her. As the uncomfortable moment stretches, Carlisle takes my hand and leads me away. Jacob follows us back inside.

The three of us stand in the main room looking at each other. "I think that was pretty decisive." Jacob looks at both of us with concern.

"No it isn't, that was just a kiss!" I want Yanna to be happy, but I'm worried over all that she might have to face with Leah.

"Come on Bella, you know as well as I do that wasn't just any kiss. That was a '_wake up Sleeping Beauty_' kiss. That was a fairy tale, happily ever after kiss." He looks dreamy for a moment, and a smile touches his face as he sighs. "I still remember the first time I kissed Ness. It was like magic... it was like coming home for the rest of my life..."

"Yeah, well this isn't going to be such a happy ending." I glance over my shoulder at the door to the deck.

"Why not?" Carlisle's question takes me by surprise. "If this is what they want for their lives, then why should they be denied a happy ending when the rest of us are entitled to one?"

His attitude catches me off guard. I'd really worried that with his religious background and age, he'd be more against this budding relationship than most. "You're okay with all of this?"

His smile is so beautiful. "I want our daughter to be happy. If Leah can make her happy, then it's my job to confront whatever stands in their way." I love this man more than I ever thought possible. I put my arms around him and kiss his cheek. Jacob clears his throat.

"So it's really true; the two of you are a couple?" He looks like he ate something that didn't agree with him. "I guess stranger things than Leah imprinting on a half-vampire girl have happened."

"It's true." I feel a bit defensive as I answer him. "I hope you're not going to have a problem with it too."

He puts his hands up defensively. "No – don't expect me to stand in the way. I learned a long time ago, you had a thing for old dead guys." He smiles teasingly at Carlisle, then shrugs. "I still don't know what to do about Leah."

"Why don't you move someone else into her spot, at least temporarily..." I don't know how their pack hierarchy works exactly. "We can look after her – I mean she's welcome here. As far as what happens with her position in the tribe... I can't help you there." It sounds like a feeble answer.

"Why don't you let us deal with this, Jacob." Carlisle takes charge of the situation. "I still have property along the border of Quileute lands. If it becomes an issue, I might just give it to the girls. We do have options, and we don't have to give in to pressure from the tribal council. To be honest, I lost a lot of respect for them when they kicked your father out."

Jacob answers with a nod. "I appreciate it. Now if you don't mind, I think I'd like to get back to my beautiful wife and adorable kids." He kisses my cheek and shakes Carlisle's hand. I encourage him to stop in the kitchen and get something to eat before he leaves.

I look out the window, and I can see Leah and Yanna sitting on a swing near the lake. They're all wrapped up in each other, and I'm pretty sure Jake is right. This is the start of something for them both.

Carlisle puts his arms around me from behind, and I lean back into him. "This is going to be okay, don't worry. I've been through this a time or two. If you think this is stressful, you should have been here when Rosalie brought Emmett home. And don't even get me started on this shy little brown-eyed girl who turned our whole world upside-down." He kisses my neck, and I turn to face him. He looks down at me and smiles. "She may not have brown eyes anymore, but she still turns my world upside-down."

Leah stays. Love may be blind, but apparently it has a sensitive nose. She takes a room on the top floor of what I've come to think of as the hybrid end of the house. She wants to keep the window open to air out the "stench," which wouldn't bother us. But it's winter, and she's close to Nahuel and Gemma's room, and they complain about the chill on the baby.

She fits into our family like a puzzle piece that's not quite the right one, but it's been pounded in place. It doesn't help that my dad asked her mom to marry him – then they flew to Vegas and did it. It doesn't help that her brother Seth has taken over as the pack beta. It doesn't help that she lost both her place in the tribe and her job in one decision. And it doesn't help that Yanna is away at school most of the day.

But when Yanna comes home, it's like Leah is a different person. My daughter's in love, and the two of them are inseparable. Not that they stick around much for us to observe. They're always anxious to go out; either in the car on a date, or just outside for a hunt or a run. I'm glad to see her happy, but it's clear she's not going to be living at home for long.

It's a new year, and the third anniversary of the war looms on the calendar. I'm not the only one who thinks about it, and I catch Rosalie moping around, looking at old family photos and keepsakes. Our eyes meet.

"Three years." Her words sober me. "Do you think we'll ever be able to look at that day as just another date on the calendar? Even with Garrett, I just can't shake this feeling of loss I feel." I hug her close, and an idea forms.

"Let's stop fighting it. I think we all feel the same way." I pull Alice into my scheme, and we use the week to plan. By the macabre anniversary of the day they all died, we have our first memorial gathering. We invite everyone we know, including Ness and Jacob, and my dad and Sue. Some of us know what happened, but there's a few who don't know the details. We spend the evening watching old home movies, looking through photo albums, telling stories, listening to their favorite music, and just remembering those we've lost.

I sit comfortably beside Carlisle as he talks about Esme, and his arm around me is comforting as I recall Edward. Eleazar sits beside Colette, and explains some of the Denali history, and how Carmen was the one who wanted to move to Alaska. There are some sad moments, like when Ness sheds tears over the loss of her father.

But it's a healing time as well. We laugh over Emmett's jokes, and the way Kate used to use her shocking power on Garrett when he irritated her. My dad even shares stories about when I was dating Edward, and how he suspected he was sneaking into my room, but could never catch him.

"I never realized he could read my mind." His eyes flick to Carlisle. "You don't have anything like that, do you?"

"No, I got short changed in the magic power department. To be honest, I'm really glad I don't have one. Your daughter has one of the most powerful – so does Alice. " It's for his and Sue's benefit that we give a small demonstration of what powers we have in our group. Alice's is unpredictable, and mine is more mental than physical.

Jasper and Yanna make a good demonstration, and Colette keeps quiet about her ability. Eleazar has told us of other abilities. Carolina has her charm, and her sister Karina is venomous. Angelo has the most potent gift with his memory suppression. His son is neither venomous nor gifted. Felicia also has a gift, but her talent is harder to categorize. Eleazar says it's like the power Victoria had for self-preservation, but Felicia's is based more on her quick wit.

It's all new to my dad, and he seems respectful of each of our family members. I have to smile as I look around at my family. We're a diverse bunch, but I've really come to love them all. I'm sure the memorial celebration will be an event we hold every year. As much as it's a time to remember all we've lost, it's also shown us how things have changed, and how much we still have. We've come through the tough times, and we're stronger. Amid all the memories of our past lives and loves, I look to the future, with hope.

xoxoxo

True to her word, Alice delivers us a May wedding. The property has been busy with workmen and contractors since February. Now when we look out back, there's a large, beautiful, cedar gazebo at the far side of the lake, as well as a wooden bridge across the stream which feeds it. It's where we'll be getting married.

Of all the weddings Alice has ever planned, this will likely be the strangest. The only guests invited know our secrets, and we'll hold the event outside, sparkle and all. The week before, the guests start arriving. I'm excited that not only did Armando and Arianna make it, but Aurora is here as well.

We're still working the bugs out of the council, and the remote leadership, but it is working. Not to mention it's been a good way to let every one of us have a say in decisions. In a private moment, Aurora lets us know that Aro is coming to terms with the changes. In fact she believes he may have found a love interest among the runaways.

"Marcus and Tamara's daughter has a gift for emotional healing, and Papa has been spending a lot of time with her. Maybe it's nothing, but he smiles a lot more now. I've even heard him _singing_."

Armando looks like a different person. He's clean and sober, and looking like a young man instead of a troubled teenager. Arianna tells me he's become an expert on the sax, and he composes music in his head to cover the voices.

"He's into jazz of all things. I think it's because it's the only style Papa doesn't enjoy." Arianna has come with the young Vito, and we've put him in the same room as Armando to keep them separate. Not that they could sneak around with so many vampires present, but I don't want to take any chances.

Peter has arrived, and even though he still struggles with the animal diet, he's promised to curb his urges while he's with us. It's hard to see him, as he's clearly still mourning the loss of Charlotte. His missing arm has begun to grow back, but it will likely take many years, and he's refused Colette's offer to help. As familiar as I was with that kind of grief, I suspect it's a type of penance for allowing Charlotte to be taken.

A lot of the survivors from the war show up, as do many of the Volterra hybrids. I'm happy to see Leonora has made the trip, and I make sure she'll have a front row seat for the wedding. If the group wasn't diverse enough, many of the wolf pack come. The war has changed us. At least among the pack there is respect for those of us who fought against evil. Even though the hybrids come from Volterra, they're easily accepted by the Quileutes.

Moving an upright piano outside is no problem for our kind, and Aurora plays the traditional wedding music. There are no chairs, except for those for the human guests, and they stand as the wedding march plays.

Colette looks beautiful in white as she crosses the bridge and comes to stand before Carlisle. The ceremony Carlisle reads is in Spanish, French, and English. Colette recites vows in Spanish, and Eleazar declares his undying love in French. I stand beside her with a stupid grin on my face. I know I'm seeing the wedding Alice foresaw so long ago. I'm there to witness their first kiss as a married couple. There is applause, and rice is thrown.

The bridal march plays again, and Alice takes her walk in designer silk. She is beautiful – like a fairy that's danced out of some romantic tale. Jasper's eyes don't leave her, and the smile doesn't leave his face. Carlisle leads them through the ceremony as they renew their vows. There is more applause, and flower petals are thrown.

The sun is low in the sky as I rush back to the house to change. Mom is there to help me with my dress, and she kisses my cheek. I give her plenty of time to make her way back to the gazebo. I hurry as I leave the house, but I wait at the bridge for our group to assemble. Felicia – in red of course – along with Carolina and Christiano lead the way. Alice, Jasper, Colette, Eleazar, Rosalie, Garrett, Ness, Jacob, and Yanna on the arm of Angelo, all process across the bridge ahead of me.

The notes of the bridal march move my feet, even though my mind has wandered to the last time I walked to that tune with Edward at the end of the aisle. So much has changed. So much had to happen for us to reach this point. I don't have to worry about tripping over my gown, which is an elaborate replica of a sixteenth century dress in ivory.

Edward's not waiting for me. Again I kiss his memory and put it to rest in a corner of my heart.

Carlisle meets my eyes over the heads of all our attendants. He takes my breath away, with his hair parted on the side, and a fringe teasing his eyebrows. He's learned the way I like it and I know the change is for me. Alice and I wanted to spare him the tights, so he's wearing a simple tux. As his eyes take me in, a smile crosses his face, and I want to run to him.

My attendants have other ideas, and we take our slow, measured time. I didn't ask either of my parents to give me away, but they both sit near the front with Phil and Sue.

We line up in the gazebo, and Carlisle does a slightly more elaborate ceremony than we did in Volterra. He explains to those watching, about weddings of old, and we again walk through our vows This time I hand him the cord he wraps around our hands. The tie he wore the first time is in the drawstring bag at my wrist.

Once we've gone through our simple ceremony, it's Billy who leads us through the blessing. This time we exchange titanium bands, each engraved with eternity knots. I feel a little silly when we're introduced as husband and wife. We've been married for almost a year now.

Alice's grin catches my eye, and I turn to see her wink. She whispers "I knew," just before Carlisle takes me in his arms for our "first" kiss.

My husband kisses me for the first time in our publicly acknowledged marriage. In an instant I let everything drop away, and just cling to him. His kiss is soft and gentle, and he resists my efforts to deepen our contact and hold him tighter. I pull back with a smile. The respectable Doctor Cullen would never sully my reputation with such a public display. Through my teeth I whisper "later," and he smiles.

Later takes too long. A reception is held at the house, with food for humans, hybrids, and shifters. There is music, toasting, and dancing, and the only thing that saves me is there are three couples sharing the attention.

As evening rolls into night, an unusual group unpacks instruments and sets up in the corner. Aro's children pick up the pace, and the waltz is replaced with the faster rhythm of early rock-n-roll. Vito plays guitar, Aurora plays piano, Armando is on sax, and Arianna keeps the beat on drums. All but Armando sing. I recognize a few songs from my visits with Mom. Chantilly Lace, In the Still of the Night, and Chapel of Love. I finally understand what Arianna sees in Vito when he beautifully sings Love Me Tender, as I dance with my husband.

Once we've dutifully danced with the guests, Carlisle doesn't let me go, no matter what music plays. One more thing I never knew about him – the man can dance. Maybe if I had three hundred and seventy-five years, I'd be able to match him. He's happy to teach me, and I pass the evening no more than an arm length away from him. He smiles more than I've ever seen him smile before.

The first of the guests have already left when our limo shows up. I change quickly, and take the bag I packed earlier. Three couples climb into the chauffeured car, as more rice is thrown. Amid waving and goodbyes, we pull away, and the car makes its way down the twisted drive.

We laugh and talk over all the events of the day as we drive to three separate hotels in Vancouver. Colette and Eleazar are first to be dropped off. The whole drive, they were the quietest, taking time to kiss, touch, and gaze longingly at one another. Jasper looks relieved when the driver unloads their luggage and we wave goodbye. We're next, and the hotel is only a block from the ocean. ' I don't know where Jasper and Alice are going on their honeymoon, nor do I know where Colette and Eleazar will wind up. It's a bit of a defensive tactic we chose, as the wedding came closer. We discovered Rosalie has a wicked sense of humor, and she's been taking great delight in playing pranks on us. Pranks that made Emmett look like an amateur in comparison.

It took us a while to figure out who the trickster was. It started with the car alarms all going off at three A.M. – while we were enjoying an intimate moment. Someone forked the yard at the house in Forks, the day before Colette and Eleazar closed on the house. The movie night selection was replaced with a homemade video starring Alice and Jasper, which started with a little underwear modeling. Alice's quick moves kept us all from having those images burned into our memories forever

Most of the pranks were directed at our wedding plans, like when the invitations arrived with all the names of the couples mixed up. Alice was marrying Carlisle, Jasper and Eleazar were hooking up, and I was strolling down the aisle with Colette. But no one was safe, and one morning Leah poured her favorite cereal into a bowl, only to find it was puppy chow. It might have made her mad, but Yanna's granola was replaced with Count Chocula.

Bit by bit we figured out the mystery, and it was the strange balloons the children were playing with that finally lead to the culprit. They admitted Aunt Rosalie was the one who blew up the condoms for them. After the secret was out, we all became more furtive about our honeymoon plans. We didn't put it past her to short sheet the beds or send a pizza delivery guy to interrupt us. I have no idea where Carlisle is taking me, only that he packed very light.

The hotel is just for one night, but it's over the top in luxury and amenities. Carlisle carries me over the threshold, but doesn't put me down until we're on the bed. He presses me back as he kisses me, and I stare up at his loving face. After all the times we've made love in the heat of the moment, this is different. This is care, tenderness, patience, and sweetness. There's no frenzied tearing of clothes and insistent need; he makes love to me – lovingly.

From the slow way he undresses me, to the way he kisses every part of my body as if he plans to take all night, he drives me crazy, and heightens the sense of anticipation

"I love the dress you wore. It might not sound romantic, but it reminds me of something my mother might have worn to her own wedding." His soft kiss trails to my neck and I sigh. "She would have loved you – probably as much as my father would have hated you. He didn't appreciate independent, willful women."

"Carlisle... " I moan as his hands slowly peel away the dress I wore for the reception. "... I really want to hear this – I really do – but later my love."

"My bride sounds impatient." His smile teases, but not as much as the dewy soft kisses that alight on my exposed skin. I arch against him, and he resists my efforts to hurry him along. "Stay calm darling, we have all night."

Effortlessly I flip him, and sit astride his body in just my lacy underwear. I smile down at him. "I'm not known for my patience." I lean over and kiss him, then remove his tie and unbutton his shirt. I undress him in the same way he undressed me; teasingly slow, and sensual.

As I pull his shirt off, I catch his hand in mine and study it. I'm awed that he has the hands of a surgeon, pale and almost delicate, but for their strength. I kiss his fingers, then suck one suggestively, before I trail kisses down his arm. I love the soft groan that tells me I'm getting to him. I work my way down his body, exploring his skin as I uncover every part.

I laugh at the pink boxers he wears – a tribute to Rosalie and a red T-shirt tossed into a washer full of whites. I barely have to look to know I'm getting to him. I leave the boxers and run my hands down his legs. I slip off the black socks and let my manicured nails dance across the bottom of his foot. I smile as he flinches away from my tickling. His skin is so sensitive to my touch.

I touch and kiss back up his legs. I listen to him moan as I draw a wet trail up his inner thigh with my tongue. I meet his eyes as I pull the elastic over him and ease the shorts down his legs and leave him exposed. I boldly touch him – stroke him.. I know he likes having the lights on, and my enthusiasm excites him.

I know we have all night, and I know he wants to take things slow, but he looks as excited and impatient as I feel. Just like our first honeymoon, I move to taste him, but he moves quicker.

"Not this time my love. It's your turn." I wonder if he remembers the first time, but then I'm on my back again. He has me pinned with his wonderfully naked and aroused body. He kisses me, and his hands slide around me and unfasten my bra. He moves with less patience, but obviously he still has the goal of teasing me. His mouth – my god his wonderful mouth – kisses, sucks, and licks me until I gasp and squeal at just what he can do to my breasts. Then he moves down.

Tease! My god he's such a relentless tease! He kisses, touches, licks, and lavishes attention on me, everywhere but where I want and need him the most. He knows exactly what he's doing to me. My fingers sift through his hair as my hands try to guide him to where I want him. Please... I need him! I can't hold still, and my hips move, mimicking what I want to be doing with him.

"Carlisle please...! I need you, you're making me cra... unh.." Tiny, delicate licks over needy, womanly flesh. I gasp as he holds me still for this exquisite torture. I pant and gasp and clutch his hair in my fist. "Ohmygod... so good baby! Love you... always..." I feel the tingling start, right where his magical mouth and tongue are playing. I cry out as that small contact calls a wave of pleasure that crashes over me, and leaves me gasping and mewling, as my body shudders.

He moves again, no longer teasing and slow, but fast. Legs part and he takes me – hard. The wave becomes a tsunami, pounding and battering my body relentlessly, and fully answering the needs he's raised in me. Give and take, push and pull, and so so good! I release everything, no longer knowing or caring where I leave off and he begins. I'm his – he's mine – we're one. I cry out, no longer worried if others can hear. I want them to hear my testimony of his incredible, loving, mastery of me.

Passion subsides enough I can force my eyes open and look at his face. Beautiful yes, but driven and focused, and locked in an open-mouthed expression of awe and wonder that melts me. "I love you, Carlisle... you're so good to me... I love what you do to me... I'm all yours... forever." For several minutes we listen to the sounds our bodies make as we move together. Wet friction and flesh on flesh – I love this precious connection, with each of us vulnerable. It's as close to being human as we ever get.

Still, he's holding back, and I want to see him lose control. I break our connection and move to put him on his back again. I don't waste time teasing, but take him in my mouth.

"Bella... my god!" He's now the one with his fingers tearing through my hair as I give him what he already gave me. My eyes meet his as my mouth engulfs him, and his look of bliss is all the encouragement I need. I love pleasing him, and I follow his cues. He tries to warn me that he's close, but I want him – all of him. I don't stop until I see his face contort as he lets go – finally. I drink in the only other fluid that won't make me sick.

Afterward there's time for teasing, and I enjoy playing with him. We take the rest of the night and all of the morning, for all the sweet, loving, teasing, intimate moments one would expect on a honeymoon. I'm glad we're not the ones who have to clean the room.

In the morning we skip the continental breakfast and leave early to catch our plane. He still doesn't tell me where we're going, but after the first connection, I suspect where we're going. Not that it matters, we spend the flight time cuddled up together, oblivious to the world around us.

The final pilot doesn't comment on the last time he saw us, as we're both absorbed with the view out the window, before the float plane touches down. Carlisle helps me out onto the repaired dock and he pulls our two bags out with ease.

Esme Island – right back where we started.

I barely notice when the float plane leaves, as I stare at the empty island. It's all gone – house, shed, and debris. The shoreline seems to have changed a bit, and there are fewer trees. Carlisle shoulders the bags and takes my hand. He leads me to the center of the island where there's a tent pitched amid the underbrush, where the wind from the ocean won't tear at it. He stows our bags inside the large tent, then takes me in his arms.

"I hope you don't mind coming here. I know it's not a luxury hotel, or even a romantic bungalow, but I couldn't think of anyplace I'd rather be with you. There may not be any amenities, but we've got more privacy here than anywhere else. No kids, no patients, no school, no responsibilities, and absolutely no interruptions. I'm going to make love to you on every inch of this island, baby." He kisses me hungrily. He pulls away and opens one of the bags. He pulls out a red bikini, like the one I'd worn the last time we were on the island.

He holds it up with a smile. "We've got two weeks, and I don't want to see you dressed in anything more than this until we hear the plane and it's time to go."

I put my arms around him. "The same goes for you too then – only I think a towel is too much." It hits me that I couldn't have shown him the red bikini, as he only has _my _memories. It's another fragment that's revealed itself.

For two weeks, he makes good on his promise. We're alone, and we don't bother with clothes, or even use the tent for more than storage. I make love with him in the rain, as the tropical thunder rumbles and the lightning flashes overhead. We sit naked and wrapped in each other's arms on the overlook for sunsets and sunrises. We spend hours just talking, and I learn so much about him as he tells stories I've never heard. We dive into the ocean to swim with the schools of fish. And he's even brought surfboards so he can learn.

It's my second honeymoon on Esme Island, and it's as different as night is from day from the first. We discuss what the next house on the island should be like, and even where it should go. He even asks if I'd feel more comfortable if he changed the name.

"Don't you dare! You bought this for her, and it should keep her name." I kiss him. "I don't want to take her place or try to erase her from your life. I'm just glad I can have you now."

"You have me, for as long as you want me." He leans into me and kisses me in a way that both melts me and sets me on fire.

I hug him tight as my fingers sift through his soft hair. "I want you forever," I whisper – a soft plea to his god and the universe that took so much from us. Just this, please. In spite of all he's tried to show me and how he's sought to change my outlook, I'm still the same. I'm strong and resilient, and I can live an eternity. We can make love without reservations or restraint. But my heart is fragile. He holds it in the very hands that pieced it back together. He carries it with him wherever he goes, and that's all I want. Just him. Forever.

**A/N: Cue the music, that's a wrap!**

**There are so many things I want to say here, but most can be summed up in a big Thank You for reading! And extra thanks for reviewing. If you read this in it's finished form, I would still love to hear from you. **

**Couple things: I'd like to disclaim all I said about the Quileute tribe. Everything I wrote was fabricated - except I know the government has granted them their lands, and there is a resort on the property. Tribal leadership is not something I assume to know. **

**I'd also like to say I know next to nothing about homosexual relationships. I'm just assuming they're like any other relationship, but more problematic as outsiders feel they have the right to judge. I had actually planned for Carlisle have a problem with Yanna and Leah, but he disagreed with me.**

**I've got an epilogue planned, but I think I've got every loose end tied up - which makes me happy. I've also got plans for continuing Aro's story. **

**I'm also curious, did the present tense bother you? I know I've got some corrections to make where I slipped into past tense. I will be correcting this when I find the time, so if anything bothered you, please let me know. **

**Thank you again! **


	39. Chapter 39 Epilogue

Chapter 39

Epilogue

It's good to be back home. I never thought I'd think of Canada as home, but this house has grown on me over the years. We're isolated enough here, that we've stayed much longer than we ever would have before. It's part of Carlisle's new outlook, now that the Volturi law isn't looming over us, like an axe ready to fall.

"Come on love, we don't want to be late." He kisses the back of my neck as he helps me zip my dress. I turn to face him and he folds me into his arms. He's right, but as he holds me, I think about undressing and making love to him until we're very late.

It never gets old.

Twelve years have passed since this beautiful man picked up a dead thing from the beach and breathed life back into her. I reach up and run my fingers through the golden lock of hair that's fallen onto his forehead.

"I love you." It's all I can say, and it's inadequate to cover everything I feel for this man. He's a part of me, and he really is my better half. I kiss him, unable to resist the sweetness of his lips, and the way he always seems so eager to follow my lead. I still get to him, even after all these years.

The pounding at the door separates us. "Come on you two, we need to leave in five minutes!"

He smiles and whispers "later," and kisses me quick before heading for the door. I hurry to finish getting ready. I brush my hair and slip into the shoes that match my dress. In my jewelry box I take out my favorite bracelet. It's the silver charm bracelet I've had for twenty-five years. The worn wooden wolf still stands out, as does the crystal heart. But there are a dozen new charms I've collected over the years. I fasten it to my wrist and head for the door. Rosalie is on the landing, waiting for me with her arms crossed.

"You just got back from the island, didn't you get enough of each other there?"

I meet her eyes and smile. "Nope, never enough." She rolls her eyes, then hugs me.

"Come on, we need to hurry. Everyone else is already gone. You look good by the way."

"So do you. But then again, you always do."

"Hush." She looks embarrassed. "Wait til you see Garrett."

They're both waiting for us just outside the garage. Two gorgeous blonds stand by Carlisle's classic Maserati. Garrett looks great, with his hair pulled back in his signature ponytail. His tailored suit makes him look like he just stepped off the cover of a romance novel. But my eyes glide over him and rest on my husband.

I smile at Carlisle, as he holds the door for me, and we both get into the back seat. Garrett loves to drive, and I love snuggling in my husband's arms.

On the drive, I absently play with the charms on the bracelet. The crystal heart will always be dear to me, as will the wolf. But I remember the present, purchased by a bitter, angry, Alice as she remembered the good times of our friendship. She told me she had no idea why she bought it at the time, since she only had blame for me back then. It's the reason she gave it to Jasper to give to me, instead of giving it to me herself.

There's a tiny mortarboard Carlisle gave me when I graduated from college. I didn't rush it like I had the first two years. But I did rush a bit to get through medical school, and I've got a caduceus dangling from a link, to commemorate being accepted into a residency program. It's the toughest time I can remember since the war and all the drama in Volterra. It was hard being apart from my family for so long, and finally Carlisle moved into the tiny apartment with me, even though it meant a terrible commute to his office every morning.

My life has changed in so many ways. I'm now an Ob/Gyn, with an office beside my husband. I wasn't sure I had the kind of control needed to be around blood on a regular basis, but it turns out I do. I chose my specialty because I felt drawn to help women through pregnancy and childbirth. My daughter's birth is still etched in my human memory, and I hope my patients never have to face that kind of pain and terror. Of course I have to face blood quite regularly, and I know I won't slip. But there's one thing I still have trouble with, and that's losing my patients.

I'm good at what I do. I love putting all my vampire gifts to work to benefit my patients. I now know why Carlisle loves it so much. He wasn't kidding when he talked about dazzling his patients. I've learned to do it myself, as it keeps them calm even in the midst of difficult or painful procedures. I have a really good success rate when it comes to labor and delivery. But I have lost patients.

Humans are fragile, and they don't always follow their doctor's orders. I can't cure cancer, I can't force a woman to stay in bed as advised, and I can't stop internal bleeding. The temptation is always there to turn a dying patient. That's been the hardest for me – letting go. The first time I was faced with a terminally ill patient, I called Colette and begged her to heal the woman. She did as I asked, and it seemed as if a miracle had occurred. But the next time was even more heart-breaking for me.

Terri was a young mother with three little kids, facing a cancerous death sentence. Before I called Colette, Carlisle took me aside and counseled me against it.

"We can't play God, Bella. If Colette heals this woman, then what about the next, and the one after that? You've already got a reputation for being the best in the area, do you want people to think you can work miracles? If people start asking questions it could hurt us all. How many patients will you lose if we have to close our offices and move away? People die every day – good people with families and a whole life ahead of them. We do what we can, but we have to let the rest go."

I didn't call Colette. I did all I could for Terri, and eventually I had to let her go. It was hard, and it brought up so many feelings I had when I lost Edward. I took a week off just to grieve. It was Terri's husband who helped me more than anyone else could. He called me and asked if I could come to a special memorial he was having for her. I went.

At a park where Terri often took her kids, they planted a tree in her honor. Her husband sprinkled her ashes at the base of the tree, and told everyone there that it was what she wanted. "Terri wanted us to celebrate her life, and not focus on her death. As much as it hurts that she's not here, I'm grateful for every moment I had with her."

He was going to be okay. He had a healthy attitude, and he was helping their children through their loss. I was humbled.

It was a lesson I needed to learn. I don't have the luxury to call on Colette every time something goes wrong. She's been in Africa for the past five years, traveling with Eleazar and their own two children. She can't save every AIDS patient, but she does what she can as they travel. Her youngest son has a combination of Eleazar's and her gifts. He can diagnose any illness or disease, though he can't cure them like she can.

I wonder if they'll come back for the big event. I hope they make it, since I miss them both. Carlisle kisses my cheek and takes my hand to get a better look at the charms on my bracelet. "What's this one for?" He singles out a cow dangling from one link, and I laugh.

"That's for the deal you made with the two slaughter houses here and in Italy, to save the blood of butchered cows." He laughs and shakes his head. It's been ten years now since he worked up an agreement with a Canadian slaughterhouse to save and process blood into quart sized containers. It was pasteurized and homogenized like milk, so it didn't need preservatives. Vampires can live on it, but it's the hybrids who really appreciate it. All the hybrids seem to enjoy the stuff, and they drink it like an energy drink. It went over so well in Canada., that he made a similar agreement in Italy, and they began delivering it to Volterra like any other food.

The animal blood makes switching over to an animal diet a lot easier, as vampires don't have to chase down animals and gnaw on furry necks. For me, it's good not to have to give up time to go and hunt. Aurora is also trying to gain support for a new law that would require any new vampire or hybrid to only consume animal blood.

Aurora is doing well leading the council, but she's looking forward to retiring. Her sister Arianna and Vito married, and they've got four children already. Aurora has vacationed here at our homestead every year since taking over the council. Sitting by the lake with nothing to worry about has always been her favorite way to relax.

Of course her visits seemed to coincide with Peter's visits. Maybe I was just too busy to notice, but Carlisle pointed it out to me. With the way the council operates, it's possible to hear from every supernatural being concerning different issues. Aurora can easily learn the location of most of us, and it was no coincidence that she showed up either right before or right after the tall blond vampire. By the time his arm had regrown, it was evident to everyone but him that he'd gained an admirer.

For five years, they spent two weeks of each summer in friendly companionship, as she consistently sought him out during their visits. Jasper finally took him aside to explain to his friend that Aurora wasn't only interested in his wisdom and his leadership advice.

Peter fought the attraction. He avoided the poor girl for the rest of his visit, and the next year he didn't come to see us. I worried that he'd chosen his grief over a future he might have with Aurora. I'm still not sure what happened, but Jasper went to find him. Jasper has a thriving psychology practice of his own, so it shouldn't have surprised me that he was able to help Peter change his way of thinking.

What did surprise me was how fast he changed. It wasn't even three months later he and Aurora were married. They have a little girl, and a new baby boy she delivered a few months ago, and I can't wait to see them.

"What's this charm for?" Carlisle fingers the little Eiffel Tower, then kisses my hand.

"Yanna sent me that one from Paris." It makes me smile to think about how happy our daughter is lately. She and Leah are still together, and eight years ago they went through a civil commitment ceremony. For all intents and purposes they're married. At the time, Leah loved to joke that they didn't need some legal piece of paper to keep them together. She told Yanna, "if you left me I would find you, no matter where you hid." The first time I heard the comment, it set me on edge. Then she went on to make her meaning clear. "I would find you, and do everything I could to win you back. I love you so much, I can't even think of my life without you."

It still shocks me how much kinder and gentler Leah has become over the years. Though that softness is only in the way she deals with Yanna and our family. They're both living further north of us, near where the Denali coven used to be. They've built a facility there, along with a small place where they live. Together they've taken over leading the Guard. Some might be stupid enough to laugh at the idea of two pretty young women training supernatural fighters and hunters. But they don't laugh long when faced with Yanna's power and Leah's brutality.

They spent a year at the job in Volterra, then decided they could do even better with a more private training camp closer to their own family and friends. The Guard members come from all over the world, and they're vampires, shape shifters, hybrids, and a couple very tough and tenacious humans.

Volterra is nothing like it used to be. There are still a lot of supernatural people there, but the Triumvirate is gone, and now so is the council. The council is still in place, but it meets remotely as Carlisle and Alice had planned from the beginning. Even Aurora is rarely there, now that she has a family of her own.

The school Carlisle converted is thriving. It's one of the few places where humans and supernatural people can come together without hiding. The humans who know about them agree to keep the secrets. If they fail, Aro's son Angelo is called on to alter their memories. Tamara is the school's principal now, after being a teacher for five years. She has a no nonsense approach to dealing with both her supernatural and human charges.

With the school doing so well, and the council held remotely, Volterra is now the place to be for hybrids. There are still many vampires living there, but they're the ones who have had the most difficulty changing and moving on. Some, like Felicia's father, confine themselves to their rooms and live with the shadows of their memories.

Felicia's mother met an untimely end a few years back. She had continued her habit of hunting humans among the gypsies and vagabonds who seemed to be helpless and forgotten. She made the mistake of becoming predictable, and they somehow managed to trap and destroy her. Carlisle was the only one of us who wasn't shocked. "We'd be foolish to underestimate those who hunt vampires. Just because they're human doesn't mean they're without resources. Legends tell of how gypsies held power over supernatural beings of long ago. I think my own namesake was one of them, though he never as much as admitted it to me."

Felicia herself didn't shed a tear over the passing of her birth mother. "She didn't give a shit about me, and I've got real parents who love me. What's there to cry over?"

"Did you charge up the camcorder?" Rosalie's voice snaps me out of my memories.

"Of course Dear." Garrett is such a gentleman with her. "I know you want to make sure you don't miss a chance to have more video of Grace." He laughs.

She looks momentarily miffed. "They grow up so fast. In a few years we won't have anything but memories and video." I see him reach out and take her hand, silent and reassuring.

Grace is their daughter. Rosalie didn't give birth, and Garrett didn't donate to a surrogate either. Grace is adopted, and completely human. They came by her through almost legal means. They settled in Iowa, and went through the adoption process. They said they would accept a child with special needs, as long as it was a permanent placement.

Grace was a year old when she came to them. Their adoption representative had matched her with them because of her looks, and because few were even interested in the girl. Grace had spent the first year of her young life in and out of hospitals. She had a spinal deformity and myriad other birth defects which would require even more surgery and a heart transplant if she were to live. She couldn't walk or crawl, and she had to be fed through a tube in her stomach. Her chances to survive to adulthood were small.

They took the tiny blue-eyed blond home, and determined to love her as long as they had her. It was Carlisle who called Colette. It still amazes me that they weren't looking for a miracle when they agreed to adopt her. They wanted her even though she wasn't perfect. In fact it was only the idea of her own suffering which made them allow Colette to work with her.

She didn't heal her all at once. They wanted to make sure nothing seemed too impossible, at least while they were in Iowa. But little by little Colette healed baby Grace. Now she's a healthy, happy seven year-old. Rosalie is a wonderful mother, and Garrett likes being a father so much he wants to adopt more children. Of course there's the worry we all have about what will happen when she gets older. Rosalie insists she isn't interested in changing her, but Garrett says it will be entirely up to Grace.

We pull into the large parking lot, and Carlisle holds my door as I get out. There are a lot of people here, and we're running late. As we slip in the back door, a beautiful blond child runs to Rosalie. "Mommy!" Rosalie hugs her daughter, and kisses her cheek. Grace's hair is in cascades of blond curls, and a wreath of flowers rests on her head. "I was afraid you weren't going to make it!"

"Your Aunt Bella and Uncle Carlisle were slowing us down, but you know I wouldn't miss seeing you all dressed up like a little angel."

"We better hurry and get you all seated." Gemma and Angelo's son Christian is seventeen, and so good looking even Grace stares at him. I can see a little bit of Aro in the way his blue eyes sparkle with amusement. He helps us find our places just before the music starts.

As the first notes are played, we all turn toward the back of the church. Instead of the bridal party, a late guest stands at the end of the aisle, and strolls forward with his own amused grin. Christian meets him in the middle of the aisle, and offers to escort him to a seat. Instead the late arriving guest kisses both his cheeks, leaving him stunned as he continues to the front of the church.

The groom stands with his best man, waiting for his bride. Instead he faces the man we haven't seen or heard from in over ten years. Father and son stare at one another – Aro and Armando. None of us know what to expect, especially with an entrance like this. A smile breaks out on Aro's face, and he throws his arms around his son in a hug that's neither manly nor restrained. Cheeks are kissed and hair is ruffled before he lets him go.

Most of us have hearing good enough to hear Aro's profuse declarations of pride and love. Then he helps straighten Armando's tie, and smooth his curls back in place. Without any more delay, he takes a seat near the front, and a pretty young woman comes to join him. I can't help but stare as I see him slide his arm around her and pull her close to his side.

"That's Marcus' daughter, Marietta." Carlisle whispers in my ear. "You know they disappeared together." I nod mutely as Aro nuzzles her neck and she quietly giggles and pushes him away. They look good together, and Aro looks so different. He's wearing a casual pale gray suit, with no tie. He's also grown a well-trimmed beard, and his hair is shoulder length, though still in curls.

The music changes, and again our eyes are drawn to the back of the church. Grace, dressed in white leads the procession, scattering flower petals as she goes. Rosalie leans over to film her as she takes the walk.

Next in line is Arianna's son, and Aurora's daughter. They both look like five year-olds, but Aurora's daughter is only three. I can see Peter looking proud as he sits beside his wife, who holds their infant son.

The rest of the wedding party processes, and they're all in white. There are so many attendants, and they cross the spectrum of supernaturals. One of the groomsmen is Reese, and one of the bridesmaids is a young vampire from Mexico.

When the music changes again, I have to smile. It's a recording of Armando doing a very jazzy version of the bridal march. We all stand and look to the end of the aisle. Jasper looks great in a traditional black tux. But Felicia is stunning in a very non-traditional red gown. With a bouquet of red and white roses in her left hand, she places her right hand on her daddy's arm. She doesn't just walk down the aisle, she sashays, owning the room.

At the end of the aisle, Jasper kisses her cheek, and Alice stands to kiss her as well. Felicia takes her place of honor beside Armando. I glance across the aisle, wondering if anyone else notes the irony. Jasper's daughter is marrying Aro's son. I can't help but think of the Capulets and Montagues, hoping this feud is finally put to rest.

We all witness their very unusual vows. Felicia actually promises not to stuff his dirty underwear into his sax, and Armando promises not to spank her for mouthing off to him. His words to her are so real, I want to laugh and cry at the same time. "You are still a brat, and you can be a bitch sometimes too. You drive me crazy, and sometimes I want to strangle you." We laugh again at his honesty.

"But you're the only one who understands me and puts up with me. You meet me where I live, and you lead me out of the dark pits where I sometimes hide. You give me laughter and joy. You don't let me take myself too seriously. You drag me into life – sometimes kicking and screaming. You're never boring, and you always manage to be just what I need." He lays his hand on her cheek as he gazes into her eyes.

"I know you don't want to hear a lot of syrupy drivel. But I can read every thought in your head, and you never lie to me. You are the most authentic woman I've ever met. I know you love me. But I want you to know how deeply I love you. You're not my world, you're my sun. You give me life, and light, and warmth, and I'll do everything I can to keep you happy, and never let you down."

She stares at him for a moment, then turns to look at all of us. "Oh my godisn't he _cute?_" Her voice carries, and we all laugh. "Baby if you weren't already here with a ring in your hand, I'd..." She stops and looks around, as if noticing for the first time we're in a church. "Well, I guess I better save those comments for the honeymoon." The girl has comedic timing, and facial expressions that make us all laugh.

The ceremony continues, and Alice sits tucked in the crook of Jasper's arm, with her head on his shoulder. Every attendant has a smile on their face, and Carlisle holds my hand. It's already agreed that Felicia is taking over for Aurora in leading the council. She isn't planning on spending more than a few months of the year in Volterra, since everyone who matters to her is here. The council is growing from nine members to eleven, as there are enough hybrids to add two new seats. Alice was right with her prediction that the sassy little snip would one day run the place.

Armando kisses his bride, and they are pronounced husband and wife. Amid all the happiness, it sobers me to think that neither the bride nor groom would exist if Joham had not set out on his plan of domination and control. I find my thoughts wandering to all the hybrids, and new vampires, and I'm sure most of them wouldn't exist if not for Joham's manipulation. He cost us so much, and yet life is still good, and many of us are even thriving in the aftermath of his schemes.

Carlisle kisses my cheek; a subtle reminder that we need to take our places to go through the receiving line. I look up at him, and know for a fact I'd never have known him like I do, if not for the war. I watch Grace playing with the flower girl and ring bearer, and I'm certain she would still be deformed if Colette were never born.

We make our way through the receiving line, and I hug Alice and Jasper; mother and father of the bride. Aro is in his place of honor, as the father of the groom, and I don't even know how to greet him. It's one of those fences that was never mended before he disappeared. I pause and stare, then he smiles and pulls me into an unexpected hug, kissing both cheeks.

His Italian words surprise me as much as the hug. "God must surely be laughing, to make us all family by marriage if not by blood. It is a good time to be alive!" He grabs Carlisle's hand and shakes it enthusiastically, then he seems to reconsider and pulls him into a hug as well.

"Don't look so surprised – I am a happy man! My son has married a beautiful woman, my daughter's have married well, and I am a grandfather! I have found love – can you believe it? Me – the terror of Volterra – in love like a foolish schoolboy." A smile splits his face and his eyes – his _golden _eyes! – turn to the lovely hybrid woman still awaiting her turn in the line.

"Marietta... " He calls to her with a small wave of his hand. "...please come stand with me love, you're too far away." She smiles back at him, and gracefully moves through the small crowd to stand beside him. "Bella, Carlisle old friend, this is Marietta, the love and joy of my life. Had I known that fate held such a treasure for me, perhaps I would have been more patient in my quest for the woman of my dreams." His eyes flick my way for a moment. "Little did I know when I held her as a tiny newborn baby, I was destined to hold her in my arms forever. I have been gone too long, but I had many things to learn. She refuses to marry a killer – so I have reformed! It has taken me... much time." He notices the line of people waiting behind us. "I apologize. We must speak more at another time – soon I think."

I reach Felicia, and she beams. "We made it! Tell the truth, you didn't think we would, did you?"

I kiss her cheek and hold her hands. "I admit I had some doubts. You two were split up as often as you were together. I don't think I've ever seen two people in love who fought so much." I smile at Armando as he stands beside his wife. "But I know you love each other. I think we were all just waiting for you two to realize you'd rather be irritable together than miserable apart."

She leans in close to me and whispers in my ear. "We are going to have so much sex, he won't have the energy to argue with me." Then she licks my shocked face – one of her infamous puppy kisses.

"See what I have to deal with?" Armando commiserates. "I still reserve the right to send her back home if she makes me too crazy," he teases.

"Never happen, Sweet cheeks. You can't get rid of me that easy." They kiss amid their playful banter, and Armando tickles her side.

"You look lovely, my dear." Carlisle always knows just the thing to say. She throws her arms around him and hugs him tight.

"I still intend to pay you that million I owe you."

"Nonsense. It's money well spent; you don't owe me a thing. Just be happy." He kisses her cheek. "And one more thing... " He has her full attention. "...you still look hot in red." They both laugh, and she stands proud in her gown. We continue on, shaking Armando's hand. I hug Carolina, Felicia's best friend and maid of honor, then I hug her father Angelo, who is his brother's best man.

So many new relationships are convoluted like this. All I have to do is look around for confirmation. Aro is in love with his best friend's daughter. His son has married his rival's adopted daughter. His oldest daughter has married his rival's best friend. Nahuel has raised his own daughter and his half sister. Eleazar has married Colette, the daughter of the man responsible for killing his first wife. Yanna is in love with one of the pack who killed her father. Angelo's mother has left on a trip with one of Carlisles old friends. Alistair isn't dead as we'd feared, but he was deep in hiding – something he has in common with Rachele.

And of course I can't forget my own relationship with Carlisle. If someone had told me twelve years ago, that I would share a deep and passionate love with my father-in-law, I'd have told them they were crazy. But instead I'm the one who's crazy – about this man.

He leads me from the church, and we wait outside for the bride and groom to run the gauntlet. Felicia has opted to have bubbles, rather than allow us to throw anything at her. "I know better than to give anyone the opportunity to get back at me for some prank I might have pulled on them." She definitely has a knack for self-preservation.

We stand in the overcast afternoon, and Carlisle nuzzles my neck. "I miss being alone with you, Doctor Cullen." His soft words in my ear is all it takes to turn my mind to being back on the island. We've had a new home built on Esme Island, and it's bigger and stronger than what the hurricane has claimed. We've just returned from there in time for the wedding, and we made sure to leave it in good shape for the newlyweds to use on their honeymoon.

We enjoyed our vacation in much the same way we'd spent our own honeymoon. Yet even though just the day before we were completely alone in paradise, I still want him. I relax against him as his arms encircle me. We watch the bride and groom dash through a curtain of bubbles, and wave as they climb into the waiting limo.

Felicia had wanted to be carried away in a palanquin, hoisted by a dozen muscular, half dressed men. Armando wouldn't agree to that, and so they compromised on the limo. As a concession to his bride, Armando has the driver arrive shirtless, but for a bow tie. As soon as she sees the driver, she hugs him – Armando that is. I have a good feeling about their marriage, though it doesn't seem the hybrids have the same instinct to stay together like vampires and shifters do.

It's a mixed blessing. I might worry that Carlisle is compelled to be attracted to me, and I might doubt he truly loves me. But on the other hand, love between us is forever. It's undeniable, and it doesn't fade with time.

More and more I've come to believe it's more a function of our perfect memory than any unbreakable bond. I don't feel compelled to love him, I just feel like the love I have for him has never faded over time. I still remember how it felt to fall in love with him. I can still feel all those overwhelming emotions when I look at him. It feels new, and wonderful, and exciting every day.

It's not instinct, it's memory which keeps us together. In this respect, I'm twice blessed to have Carlisle in my life. He didn't just fall in love and stay in love. Because of his memory loss, he had to fall in love with me twice. Any time I might have doubts, I remember it's not a fluke, and he loves me truly.

His memory did heal over time, but it didn't come back in an instant. The memories crept back into his mind slowly. It was a delight when he would recall some little moment or event that had previously been hidden. For him it was like doing it all over again. When he remembered our first time making love, he rushed home from work to tell me about it – and to relive it.

His hands slide gently over my stomach, as he rests his cheek against the top of my head. As soon as the limo pulls away, I lead him from the gathering. We don't take the car, since Garrett drove. Instead we slip off into the woods on the other side of the road. He doesn't ask me what I'm doing, and in minutes we're deeply hidden in the evergreen forest. I turn and he takes me into his strong arms.

The reserved, refined, Doctor Carlisle Cullen is gone, and my husband kisses me with a hunger we share. Fingers fly over buttons and zippers, careful not to tear our clothes. The ground is littered with what we had on, and beautiful, naked, perfection, stares at me. His words of love are interposed between frenzied kisses and my own murmurs of need.

The bark of the pine is rough against my back but can't hurt me, as he presses me against it. His hands fondle and caress my body, before his mouth follows the same path. I love him! He's a force of unrestrained passion, and I can't get enough.

"Carlisle... _please!_" It's all the encouragement he needs. He stands and I wrap my legs around him as he takes me – hard. It's what I need from him. I'm lost in just the feel of his body possessing mine. I cry out with the intensity of our lovemaking, as I clutch his head and rain kisses over him.

It reminds me of the island, but with the familiar scents of evergreens and moss. His uninhibited fire feeds into my own need and lust, and I urge him to give more; urge him to let go.

He's learned over the years that I want him any way his passion leads him. Sometimes we make love in long, gentle, tantalizingly slow, hours. And other times it's like this – fast, hard, needy, and unrestrained. He possesses me completely, and I love the feel of him sheathed inside me as I cling to him. In this way he's mine alone. No other has touched this side of him. No one else has ever matched his wild, untamed, hunger the way I do.

Push pull, in out, give take, and all while I squeal, cry, pant, and beg him to never, never stop. And yet I'm quickly brought to one crashing release, followed by another, as my body becomes overly sensitive to his, and I hear my voice rising with the intensity.

He calls my name and I feel his climax, taking me again into blissful ecstasy. We both breath hard and whisper _I love you_'s as the storm passes. Without releasing me, he collapses to the ground, as I cling to him. For long minutes we lie in the underbrush tangled together, still kissing and still wonderfully joined.

I look down into his eyes, so wide with wonder and the kind of peace that comes from being loved. I kiss his nose and then his sweet mouth. "You amaze me..."

"I was just going to say that about you. Bella, I am so overwhelmed with how much I love you. The whole time we were at the wedding, I kept remembering how beautiful you looked at ours."

"Which one?" I smile and run my fingers through his hair.

"Both. The dress, flowers, guests, and everything were really nice in the second one. But I love how you looked the first time – the surprise in your eyes, the eagerness, the way you felt every word of our promise – that was real. I loved you so much then – enough to offer you forever. I didn't know I could possibly love you more than I did then. But I do."

He pulls my face to his for one of his slow, deep, sensuous, kisses that make my head spin. When he lets me go, I gasp for air, and gaze at his beautiful face. His hands slide over my body, and I imagine just lying there with him for the rest of the day and night, making love. His smile tells me he knows where my mind has gone.

"We better get dressed, darling. They're going to be missing us soon." He doesn't make any move to get up, and his hands still tease over me.

"You are a relentless tease."

"You love it." He nips playfully at my neck, as he holds me tight.

"I love _you." _I press closer for one more kiss. He turns with me, and pins me beneath him. I wish we didn't have anywhere to go for a few more hours.

He's told me several times that I surprise him with how happy I am to make love any time, and especially any _where_. Our second honeymoon broke down so many of his barriers. Still, he thought that once we were back home, we would again confine ourselves to private, indoor spaces. Instead I followed him on one of his nature hikes, and showed him that there are many private outdoor spaces we can explore.

More than the places, we were both surprised at how unrestrained we became with one another. It took him a little while to realize he wouldn't hurt me or shock me with what we did together. Gradually his inhibitions fell away, until he could completely lose control with me. Sometimes his need is as fierce as the vampire within him, and our coupling is almost savage.

I love those times the most. It's in those moments when I feel like I'm seeing who he really is. He doesn't have to try to be good, controlled, or even moral with me. For just a little while he becomes both vampire and human, not a human trying desperately to suppress the monster within.

One of the things I knew, even before I was changed, was that there are some good things that come from the change. Edward had never really acknowledged that being what he was gave him some incredible gifts. He saw those gifts as being part of the perfect, soulless, killer. Carlisle had even followed in this way of thinking, though he never called it evil. They both fought to be in control, and saw losing that control as the worst thing that could ever happen.

But when we make love, it's a safe way for us to lose control. This is something our red-eyed counterparts had already figured out. It's what gave Aro his charm, and what lent Jasper his commanding presence and sex appeal. It's in how they'd embraced their dark side. They never felt quite safe, because _they _knew they were dangerous. They knew the heights of their power, and the depths of their depravity.

Perhaps Carlisle would never know these things – neither would I for that matter. But when we come together with no limits or barriers, we experience the powerful nature of the beast. We are vampires, unrestrained but for the leash of love. It's powerful.

"Bella... Carlisle!" I hear Rosalie calling us, even though she's a mile away. "Don't make me come and find you two!" Carlisle laughs. I love how he looks when he smiles. He doesn't do enough of it, as his serious expression is still part of his professional demeanor.

He kisses me and whispers, "I used to have to tell her and Emmett the very same thing. Those two would sneak off and get lost in the woods without a word to anyone."

I wrap my arms around my husband and play with his hair. "Do you think she'll really come to look for us?"

"Garrett won't let her; he's a gentleman." He kisses me one last time, then stands. "But he's not above leaving us behind either." He starts sorting through the clothes on the ground. "We better get dressed."

"What if we send them on without us?" I don't make a move to dress.

"Bella... how do you think Felicia would feel if we skipped her reception?" He gives me his serious look.

"Knowing that girl, she'll probably want to sneak out early herself. I wouldn't be surprised if she and Armando make out in the limo and avoid the whole thing." I smile up at him, feeling pretty good about my chances of staying right where I am.

"What about Alice?" His words make me groan, and I reluctantly reach for my clothes.

"Party-pooper," I grumble. He raises one eyebrow, and the corner of his mouth twitches. I dress in a hurry, and he once again zips me into my dress. "She better appreciate what I'm giving up for this." I straighten his tie and brush a leaf from his shoulder. I look up into the eyes I adore, and can't help but smile. "I love you, Doctor Cullen."

His arms slide around my waist and he kisses me, a tiny whisper against my lips. "I love you too, Doctor Cullen." He smooths my hair and kisses me once more. He takes my hand and we race back to the car before we get left behind.

I know we've got an evening of friends, family, and dancing ahead of us, but the only thing that matters to me is this man. He means everything to me. Edward gave me a second chance at life, when he changed me. But I know in my heart, Carlisle gave me another chance to live when he saved me from my grief.

I once believed I was a walking tribute to Edward's memory, and in some ways that's still true. Without Edward I wouldn't have found love the first time. I wouldn't know what it feels like to be truly, and deeply loved, and I wouldn't know Carlisle, When he died, he left such an aching hole in my life, it took someone truly wonderful to fill it. Only Carlisle could heal my cold, fragile heart.

*~* Fini *~*

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><p><strong>Author's Notes:<strong> I wasn't sure if I was going to do an epilogue for this story, since I had so much tied up with a bow. But I thought a little peek into the future was in order.

Thank you all for reading! I appreciate the reviews, and I especially appreciate that you allowed me to show you a different pairing and a lot of original characters. Aurora, Arianna, Armando, Yanna-dora, Felicia, Cipriana, Colette, Gemma, Reese, Leonora, Sarah, Masen, Tamara, Rachele, Angelo, Christian, Grace, Karina, Carolina, and Vito are all mine.


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